#which I feel like isn't that long ago

[avengeclintasha]

12 & 2

Ahh these are the two that have been in my WIP folder the longest out of everything. It's been AGES since I worked on either of them but they both are still in there in hopes that one day I actually do write them and flesh them out to their full potential.

12. Age of Ultron AU

Okay, I think this is literally the oldest WIP I have, it was SO long ago when I started this one--it's basically age of ultron but with Peggy in it and a few other details changed bc I both loved and hated age of ultron when I first started this fic (now I can say with certainty that it's one of my least favorites, but I don't question my past self and her movie tastes)

It follows the plot of age of Ultron and everything kind of still happens in the same way major plot point wise—I only have the very beginnings of it because I wasn't sure how much I wanted to include of the actual movie/how true I should stay to the dialogue, but there is a part I particularly like that I'll leave below the cut from the first chapter (which is still set before the party scene in the movie but after they fight the first battle, if I'm remembering correctly.

2. ACS3 AU

UGH and this one, this one is an agent Carter season 3 like, what I wished would have been created, and it starts out RIGHT as season 2 ends and it's kind of meant to bridge the gap between the end of agent Carter and endgame, but like idk about years and how long and timelines and stuff got complicated but anyway—

They start out looking into Jack's death and Peggy realizes quickly that he was killed for a file with fake information on her, but just a few short hours after his death and their work at the crime scene, Peggy goes back to the Los Angelous office and though she just reported she was taking more vacation mere hours ago, the head of New York (Jack's old boss) wants her back to run the office by Monday at the latest.

Peggy also gets a call after that from Phillips and Stark about creating SHIELD and making a new organization together and there's supposed to be a whole side plot with her getting offered jobs in the middle of the big extensive plot that's going on

Anyway, Peggy starts combing through old war records and eventually finds out that it's Michael and he's not dead and it has something to do with the Arena Club too, but I didn't plan out all the exact plot of that and eventually after dealing with all of that she takes the job with Phillips and moves to DC and she's only been in her new place for a few days when Steve shows up at her door and that's the end.

It also was meant to kind of have a lot of war flashbacks and flashbacks to childhood with her and Michael, and this is one of my more planned out WIPs I've just never had the time and energy to devote to it to write it, though the first chapter has been edited multiple times I've never posted it, but honestly, it's kind of tempting even though I haven't worked on it in over a year rip. I might post it later on AO3 just because you asked about it.

Thank you so much for asking about these two, they hold such a special place in my heart, and I hope maybe one of them will be posted soon, or at least partially out there for everyone to enjoy :)

More for the Age of Ultron AU for giggles:

"Where is she?" Maria said handing Steve a folder. 

"Who?" He asked taking the folder and opening it. 

"The director!" Steve looked over the room and everyone else was there. Tony and Bruce were sitting next to each other with Thor listening to their discussion. Natasha, Phil, and Clint were sitting opposite them and talking to each other. "Fury's coming too," Hill said looking up and down the hallway. "You'd probably have better luck finding her, Cap. I checked her office and the rest of this floor." 

"I'll be right back," he said. He set his folder and his bag down in the seat beside Clint before leaving to go find Peggy. 

Peggy was very good at hiding inside the intricate hallways and rooms of the SHIELD headquarters, but Steve always knew where she went when she was stressed or needed moments to herself. He checked his office first, then the break room on Natasha's floor, then the training room on that floor. He checked them all with no luck, but then realized where she would be. 

He quickly rode the elevator to the floor with the upper level gyms. Most of the higher ranking agents didn't ever come on this floor because the other gyms were more centrally located on their floors. He knew Peggy liked it here because it was often deserted and he quickly found her punching a sand bag in one of the rooms. 

"Peggy," he said. She instantly jumped at the sound of his voice. She had sweat rolling down her face, and she looked more tired than usual. He walked over to where she was and took her hands in his own. "You alright?" 

"Just needed a few minutes to myself," she said. He began to unwrap her hands, and she relaxed a little because of the familiarity of the situation. This was not the first time this had happened. 

"You're late for the Avengers meeting." He tossed the gauze onto one of the benches near the bag Peggy had brought with her. His gaze came back to her before seeing her face. There was something wrong that she wasn't saying. "Pegs, what's wrong?" 

"Nothing, darling. I'm just tired. It's been a long week," she said. She started to gather up her belongings. She shoved everything into her locker and locked it with her keys. "We'd better get to that meeting." She quickly grabbed her black leather portfolio where she put everything she needed for the day before walking out of the room. Steve quickly followed her to the elevator and got on. 

"Do you have a full plan for the defense conference talks?" He turned to her tying to take her mind away from what was bothering her. 

"Almost. I wanted everyone's approval and input before it became a full plan. The end is a little open," she said opening the portfolio in her hands. She glanced over the content inside before snapping it shut again. "It'll all work out." 

#steggy #ask games #we love to see it #these two are so old #literally started the agent Carter au in 2020 #which I feel like isn't that long ago #but also like the longest two years of my life #The age of ultron one was created in... 2017... #big rips on the never getting done train #but these two still hold a special place in my little fic writer heart

[ride-a-dromedary]

[Tell me something about yourself that I wouldn't even think to ask.]

#Baldur's Gate 3 #BG3 #halsinedit #bg3edit #bg3 spoilers #videogameedit #Halsin #otheredits #my stuff #i believe that this line #and it's delivery particularly in regards to his expression dropping before smiling again (because it almost comes across #as halsin being....hesitant to talk about himself because a. he feels like he doesn't do anything interesting #and b. has obviously been made fun of in the past judging by a few things and is waiting for you to as well) #(which makes that choice to be like haha bear and honey isn't that on the nose come off as more a dickish thing to say imho) #and the line 'it was a long time ago the wounds don't heal but they become more bearable' #say a whole lot about halsin in general and are largely overlooked when his character is being analyzed #a n y w a y....i love one gentle giant man please larian fix him up a bit and give him some more to say #otherwise it's fine i'll just be here and still love him and hate colouring this game

[seventh-district]

not even gonna tag this properly bc i don't wanna get Involved but i do have some Thoughts i need to get out into the void so here we go

(aaa quick edit: CW for mention/discussion of Boothill leaks)

#today's gone Badly and i'm upset but instead of venting abt it i'm gonna channel that energy into doing a bit of tag rambling abt Boothill #well. less abt Him and more abt uh. self-analyzing my anxiety surrounding contributing to fandoms. he's just today's catalyst #like. i know it's mostly a me thing. i'm hypersensitive to criticism and very conflict avoidant + socially anxious + perfectionistic etc. #so I'm the one that keeps myself from posting more stuff out of fear of being criticized or called-out for what i've made #bc inevitably Someone's gonna see it and think its OOC or a problematic take or they'll misread my intent. etc etc what have you #but like. that's inevitable. there's no way to communicate every single thing with all of the nuance required to avoid misunderstandings #and other times it's not a misunderstanding it's just a difference of opinions and that's Fine!! there's no accounting for personal taste #there's no accounting for several things actually. taste‚ bias‚ lore-knowledge‚ differing levels of chronic-online-ness‚ etc #so this isn't me complaining abt the state of fandom culture (although i do think. sometimes. ppl take shit a bit too seriously) #but anyways all of this is mostly just anxiety-fueled. it's not like i very often actually even receive negative feedback or anything #if anything ppl tend to tell me that i'm overthinking it and killing my own fun and worried that my stuff is more OOC than it is #which like. yeah. Yeah u right :) but that's just the way that i am! always losing the idgaf war i suppose #anyways what's Boothill got to do w this ur wondering. well. i've been thinking abt the quickly emerging concept that he's illiterate. #and it just. has me feeling a lot of ways. and watching ppl disagree over it has me feeling some Bad ways. bc it's def a loaded topic! #if you'll pardon the pun there. and i don't rlly have anything new to add other than that i'm conflicted abt it. #like yeah i saw the leaks days ago. of him mentioning 'not hitting the books' much as a child when we ask him why he sends voice messages #or voice Transcriptions ig. ykwim. and like. *braces for impact* ...i liked it? like. it doesn't feel right to call it endearing #i'm not trying to infantilize him. ok that's not the right word either but ugh. you know? what i mean?? who am i kidding even i don't know #it's not quite right to say that it feels like Representation either. but it's something close i guess #as a southern person myself who didn't receive a 'complete' education due to factors that weren't to do with my intelligence #the concept of seeing him as a capable force to be reckoned with and respected who also happens to have not received much formal education #i like that. i do. but there's so many issues w it at the same time. like. as i said‚ being southern myself has me Wary of the way Hoyo is- #writing him. as well as of the way that the fandom is taking the bits of his lore and running away w them. and i'm Very aware of how ppl- #will see a southern character and be All Too Eager to agree that they're lacking intelligence based on our Redneck™ stereotype #sigh. and before we even go too far with this. it's not even confirmed that hes completely illiterate. which is a valid criticism i've seen #there's Multiple reasons that could make him prefer voice to text. but regardless. i'm just worried that ppl will misconstrue my intentions #like. example: that edit i made the other day of him saying 'no thanks i can't read'. wasn't me playing into the stereotype of- #'haha dumb country boy can't read!' it was. in my eyes. something he'd say as a joke to make light of a potential insecurity #like. i think there's far more depth to Boothill's character if ppl could look past the surface. and i dont wanna contribute to the problem #but sometimes ppl Will have stereotypical traits and i wish the same could apply to characters as long as it's done Thoughtfully.

[mariemariemaria]

Does anybody else feel like mental health awareness has done very little to help them in material reality

#i was gonna say done nothing to help but that seemed too harsh #like there definitely is more knowledge about it now. maybe more people feel comfortable speaking about it which is good #but personally i don't feel that. like idk. workplaces will post about mental health awareness and then do nothing to help employees #the same w universities. my uni cut back the already meager mental health support #and then the government is doing absolutely fuck all as well #like idk im just back in a place i thought id gotten out of long ago and i still don't feel comfortable talking about it with people #maybe that's a me problem or maybe it's cultural or something idk. but in the 10 years ive been depressed (🫠) i don't think it's gotten a #whole lot better. teenagers are still dealing with the same shit i did and they're still not being taken seriously #women's mental health is not even spoken about.....anxiety depression sh eds etc are still ignored or seen as hysterical behaviour in women #or just normal esp with disordered eating. society hasn't changed people still want women to be stick thin and weak #like i know 10 years is a short time and there has been massive improvements in mh awareness if we look back over the past 50+ years #but idk i just think that it hasn't gotten better for a lot of people #i think specifically of belfast and like god. the amount of trauma there is the amount of homelessness the amount of substance abuse #drug abuse in particular that has gotten visibly worse over the past decade or so* #and i connect the dots n see the 2008 recession + a tory gov defunding the nhs + dehumanisation of homeless people & addicts + the troubles #+ ptsd + generational trauma + a negative peace + classism + paramilitary drug dealers + parties linked to those paramilitaries #and its like hmmmm i think we live in a society. and a mental health approach based on individual actions like journaling and meditation #isn't the way to go. or at least is not the be all and end all which is what a lot of mental health awareness raising seems to promote #*visibly worse on the streets. it was always a problem ofc but even a decade ago my parents never imagined it would be as bad as it is now #and it's become so normalised. i do think there's less individualism here than there seems to be elsewhere which can be good and can be bad #but i think we are becoming more and more individualistic. slowly. there's still a sense of community here but i do think it's changing #and callousness towards homeless people is one of the most obvious examples of this. #love when i put a wee asterisk in the tags of a post. like i have A Lot To Say lol

[shredsandpatches]

Fell down an old reviews rabbit hole on my lunch hour and once again am pondering the tendency reviewers have to discuss the Gounod Faust as though Marguerite is being punished by the narrative instead of just the world around her. Like, okay, it's not as clear about that as the source material (and Gounod was a conflicted but observant Catholic, whereas Goethe was not a believer), but. I feel like you see this the most from reviewers who really like the baritone singing Valentin, who is the main voice of traditional morality in both the opera and its source material--but while the operatic version of him isn't as nasty as Goethe's, you know a character is in the wrong when an opera chorus tells him to maybe ease up on the slut-shaming. Slut-shaming is like half of what opera choruses do!

#gounod faust #hot faust summer #faust friday #like yeah it's not goethe but #it's more complex than given credit for as a text #it's more depicting misogyny than misogynist #(i did see one not long ago that tagged the misogyny in the portrayal of marguerite as 'a shallow creature we're supposed to care about' #which is kind of a you problem buddy) #and like the church scene -- the whole POINT is that she feels guilty when she does not have to #idk if that was the point to gounod #but i have always read it that way #and as a catholic girl it rings very very true #the thing she is penitent about at the end isn't sex #it's killing the baby #which at least is something that is actually wrong albeit with a lot of mitigating circumstances #(mental distress no resources no access to abortion) #but the whole point of this character is that she is innocent in a way that is divorced from virginity as a concept

[birdmenmanga]

@raventhekittycat

hi okay so I've been mulling this one over for the past day or two and I think I have the answer. not to be using hamburger to explain anything to an american but you're my detco mutual so I'm going to try and explain it in detco terms

There's a post going around recently about how if you've read detco and only detco, the first time hakuba shows up you're going to be totally flummoxed, because damn this guy is clearly important, he gets to be even cooler than Shinichi, he's got a half-page shot of him (in such a panel-dense series such as Detective Conan, no less!!) and he's got a fucking hawk. he's CLEARLY important. everything about the narrative is indicating that you need to PAY ATTENTION to hakuba and that he's the coolest guy and he's important!!!! and then he dies in the case lol (not for real. but still.)!! and you're like huh??? what was that. why did aoyama do that.

But with the context of magic kaito this totally makes sense. He's a beloved character that people have been waiting decades to see again. Of course Aoyama is going to hype him up!! It's his big moment after years of being locked in the backrooms!!!

Anyways reading birdmen for me was kind of like that. The author's previous series, Kekkaishi, was pretty one-dimensional at the beginning, and even after the main plot started picking up at around volume 6, it still felt quite understandable. I knew what she was trying to get at, and the spectacular job she did with the anthropocene and climate change metaphor towards the end of that series really made me interested in the rest of her works. That and the way she writes familial relationships is absolutely DEVASTATING. (I mean this with the highest of praise)

But when I read BIRDMEN for the first time, I was probably in... middle school, maybe? And I read it, sure, but I didn't get it. I could see what was literally happening on the page but the narrative choices were absolutely baffling at times. Why skip over the entire part of the plot where they figure out who the birdman that saved them was? She blatantly doesn't care about that. What does she care about then?? I knew I didn't get it, I knew there were parts of it that were important and I couldn't figure out why and THAT'S how it dug its pretty little claws into me. Even after I finished catching up it nagged at me a little bit, not often at all, but enough that every once in a while I go, huh, right, that was a thing, let me go read it again.

For the record this type of story haunting has happened to me twice. First time was the Heart of Thomas, second time was BIRDMEN. I think the thing is that these are both stories which are not what other people say they are and I think I came into both of these stories with a misconception, trying to look too hard for things that weren't important and therefore missing the things that were.

Because sure, BIRDMEN is about mental illness. Yeah, it's about an evil scientific organization growing mutants in a lab. Yeah, it's about what it means to leave your humanity behind. That's all technically correct, on a surface level, and the fandom at large likely agrees with these takes for the most part, but in my opinion none of that really delves into what the thematic messaging of the story is about.

There are cryptic conversations about authority and human extinction and peculiar outfit and ability choices. You can tell these choices weren't made to serve the purpose of "writing exciting shonen manga" because that was what she did for the most part in Kekkaishi and you can tell she wasn't putting her whole pussy into doing that here. So what was she doing? What's like. All of this. Waves my hands at this.

The short answer is that it's really about the interplay between capitalism (represented by humanity) and communism (represented by birdmen), and explores the role institutional white supremacy (EDEN) plays in enforcing capitalism. It is ALSO about queer liberation and the importance of community, but hey, that double-stacks conveniently with the communism metaphor.

But also take this opinion of mine with a grain of salt. As far as I know I'm the only one who really truly deeply believes that it is not only AN interpretation of the work, but one that was fully intended by the author.

So basically, I like it, because I think it says something true and beautiful that I also believe in, even if I didn't have the words for it the first time I read it. But I don't really think that's what people really look for in a media recommendation.

Do I like it? Yes, I love it. Will I recommend it to others? Yeah, sure. But do I think it's deeply flawed? Yeah, absolutely. It's flawed in the same ways as The Witch from Mercury— a rushed ending, too many threads that were opened and never tied together. The pacing and characterization is perfect in the beginning, and too rushed at the end. There are prerequisites you basically HAVE to read in order to understand the story (tempest for G-Witch and the communist manifesto for birdmen). I think a truly good story wouldn't have any of these things so if people don't like it I never blame them.

It's my personal experiences that make birdmen so profound to me. If you are not queer I just don't think Eishi coming out as a birdman to his mom will hit the same, just as an example. Sorry that I wasn't the kid you wanted me to be. I know you love me and you just want the best for me and that's why you're so controlling, because you think I can be saved by conforming to societal expectations. But I can't live like that. I can't be like that. And that's why I must go. etc.

Aesthetically I do love birdmen a lot. If I had to describe it in a few words it would probably be "chilling", "beautiful", and "powerful", which nicely coincides with the type of things I personally like to draw. It's also silly to a small degree but it's so serious and I know Tanabe can be way way way funnier (read kekkaishi for this. kekkaishi and hanazakari no kimitachi he were foundational to my sense of sequential art humor) so that's not really the standout trait of this series.

I can't let it go because I'm chewing this series like a bone. And it's taking me years but I am getting that sweet sweet marrow. By god. We are on year 3 of this shit and I am GOING to understand this series. and I'm going to make 3 video essays about it

#just thinking thoughts... #stray bird thoughts #so it's like... I don't like it because birdmen is good #I think I like it because I am a certain type of person and the author was trying to say something specifically to the type of person I am #OH #I'M THE TARGETED AUDIENCE THATS WHY I LIKE IT. #YEAH THATS REALLY IT!!! #A long time ago I said that birdmen wasn't written for the people who read it at the time it serialized. #it was written for the people they would become. #and I stand by that 100% #if it really stays with you there is going to be a reason even if you can't articulate it yet #and it may APPEAR sloppy to someone who doesn't see the queer or communist metaphor #like 'what is she doing what is she saying here she's not saying anything meaningful and emphasizing the wrong things' #but that sort of presumes she is gunning to make 'the best shonen manga ever' #which she clearly isn't. #I remember when I was reading fma with a bunch of my classmates and I'd lend them a volume or two every day #and a piece of feedback I received that has stuck with me was 'volume 15 was so boring' #(that was the volume recounting the ishval civil war. it was boring because we were middle schoolers and didn't REALLY get it.) #and like. I think to people who are looking for something like kks. the whole thing is going to feel like fma volume 15 #like WHAT is she going on about? ? ? #like witch hat and dunmesh I think are similar types of stories but I think these two are just executed way better than bm #but because of that it is just not as compelling to me you know. #like yeah yeah it's well constructed. we all see it's well constructed. #the metaphor is so well constructed that I don't feel the need to point it out. everyone is saying it already you know #but bm is cryptic enough and just slightly missed that execution enough that I feel like I'm pulling the analysis out of a smoking wreckage #recently I've been watching mentourpilot videos about airplane accidents and like. that's exactly it. #there's nothing to say about a perfectly executed flight. #it's the ones that failed. and in particular the ones that just barely failed by a little bit. that compels people the most. #cue my de communism is failure post. bc that bm sure did fail.

[demonic-shadowlucifer]

i'm seeing people talk about some massive blocking campaign for celebs and brands that haven't spoken out about palestine and i'm very much all for it but my question is why havent yall been blocking them even *before* the campaign (or even before the genocide)? there is no rule against blocking celebs. never has. never will be. see a celeb you don't like? block em! like a celeb but could care less about their social media? block em! see a celeb that's *knowingly* severely problematic? fucking block them!

you don't have to hate celebs in order to block them. in fact it's encouraged you block them, especially if most of their social media is about their personal lives which you really don't need to care about to begin with.

#besides #all celebrities should be viewed as problematic until proven otherwise anyway #the world isn't going to end because you won't be able to see photos of taylor swift's daily life anymore. i promise #blockout2024 #celebrity blockout #free palestine #and if you don't feel like going through the hassle of blocking every single celeb (which is fair!) #you can always block the 'most influential/well known' ones like swift gomez brady lebron the kardashians if that makes sense? #(honestly yall shouldve blocked the kardashians especially a LONG time ago)

[idiosyncraticrednebula]

I really wish some of the actresses who have voiced Disney Princesses would stop comparing their princess to the previous ones and claim how she was the "first" one to have *gasp* independence and strength *gasp*. Have they ever watched a Disney movie outside of their own?

#disney #disney princess #txt #that crap irks me #a few of them have done like paige o'hara mandy moore auli'i cravalho #can people talk about disney princesses as humans and not as stand-in's for “girl power” for once? #this is why i mess ONLY with jodi benson. she is one of the only ones who speaks about her character as a PERSON and not just a vessel for #whatever the hell they want to promote #“she isn't like the others” head asses #shut up #ironically they are actually pushing that “i'm not like other girls” mentality on them LMAO #i mean jodi will actually bring up all of her character traits and praise how well-written she is and now real she feels #some of the other ones only say “she didn't need no man so there's THAT” 🙄 #don't get wrong i respect their work and contribution but man that stuff really annoys me #the guys who have voiced their princes do not do that nonsense. they don't feel the need to compare their characters to the previous ones #only women do this crap. i ain't surprised. it's expected honestly #i mean imagine if one of the va's for a disney prince went “my character was the first one to have a personality” #cuz we all know that if disney princesses have been getting blasted for their lack of proactivity and independence #the princes have been getting blasted for their lack of personalities which is also bullcrap too and that criticism was decimated a long #time ago as well as the princess one #but yeah imagine that #although bruno campos (hunky babe prince naveen) did say that his prince was “different” from the others and it was like uuuh no he isn't #he is cocky smooth handsome tall muscular and charming he is actually like MOST of the princes at the beginning if we are gonna be honest #he just takes it to a slightly more exaggerated level

[raayllum]

Yo… did you predict Terry the Earthblood elf in a piece of fan fiction before it became canon in the show..?!

Oh not at all! We knew there was going to be a character named Terry like, I wanna say for at least a couple of years and that he was a fave among the writers, and I think we knew he was gonna be an Earthblood elf. I just always thought he'd act as a kind of guide, perhaps, for Callum and/or the gang in Xadia if Rayla wasn't there (having dipped in TTM)! Canon Terry is much more of a sweetheart than my old speculative fanon Terry, though, so I think the trade off was totally worth it!

#tdp terry #listen i'm good i'm not that good #thanks for asking #anonymous #fandom history #the 3 year hiatus feels like so long ago #even if it's been maybe 9 months since it ended lmao which isn't that long comparatively #i did think that if claudia ever got a partner they'd be nature/earth adjacent though bc of her motifs #(i just didn't think she'd ever get one) #so it's funny how that worked out

[em-dashes]

now that suddence is out to betas i'm oscillating between getting more and more self conscious and overthinking about everything that might be wrong with the story vs. knowing that is literally THE POINT of betas and i can't in good conscience let my story slide out into the world with a bunch of faults i didn't catch simply because i was too close to it

#em dashes #DON'T GO EASY ON ME I NEED TO KNOW EVERYTHING #i just need all my betas to know that I KNOW my story isn't perfect in its current state and that's exactly why it's out for critiques #i think there's always some part of you that wishes the critiques will come back squeaky clean. no notes! absolute perfection! #bc then you'd feel proud! you'd feel like you know what you're doing! like you're a PRO!! #however i gotta remind myself that not even professional writers can crank out perfect stories right away #they all have editors and peer critiques to help them #and i have to be careful about equating critiques as personal failures #because they aren't!! they're there to help!!! #anyway. enough venting for now #it's been a while since i got peer critiques so it's a little unnerving lol #but also also i just saw a very good breakdown of an episode of buffy that deals with grief #and i couldn't help comparing it to suddence which also deals with grief #and thinking 'wow. why didn't i do this. why didn't i do that. am i doing this all wrong' #AHH! writing is a very scary profession sometimes #but to be proud of myself for a second #i've never been so confident as to even show so many people my writing. let alone to receive critique on it #it's so strange to think there was a time where i kept all my writing bottled up and didn't talk about it to anyone even on tumblr #i began posting in 2018. that's not that long ago. that's only five years #and yet it feels like a billion years ago. i was still in university. suddence didn't even exist yet #wow. time is so weird

[lunaechaos]

man i don't know why but i can't trust people who erase canon information about a character just to label them a sexuality that doesn't even make sense

#yes i am looking at the shit ton of lesbians who just happen to ignore female characters who just dated men #or dated men for the majority of their storyline #to label them as lesbians #i swear to god the amount of times i saw agatha with that lesbian flag sticker #and worst of all she does kiss woman!!! but she is bisexual!!! explicitly confirmed!!!!! #but still she has her sexuality erased!!!! since kissing women isn't enough for some sapphics #i remember seeing a post a few days ago #which loosely said that some folks are so desperate for queer validation they'll do harmful/disrespectful things #to those they deem their icons #this discourse was obviously tied to queer ppl disrespecting artists #especifically jimin since so many queer folks just love to misgender him and label him as trans #and also to taylor swift and her insane group of fans who swear to god she's a closeted lesbian #but i also think about how common this very intentional and deliberate behavior has become inside fandom spaces #where ppl just erase a character's sexuality or gender identity just to make themselves feel better about their own identities #but like #at what costs #at the cost of erasing true representation when the character is indeed lgbt just not the sexuality/gender you wanted them to be? #this is so tiring and that's why i absolutely run away from fandom spaces for a long time now

[thethingything]

the sun's started rising around the same time it does in late spring so now I've got that weird nostalgia for when I first showed up in the system and I'm also stuck thinking about when Lucy was like "September is the March of the year" because while that's kind of a ridiculous quote, I do get what they meant with it

#personal #thoughts #🍬 post #something about the sun rising at the same time and in the same location as it did in those first 3 months of me being in the system #makes me really nostalgic for that time period and it's simultaneously nice experiencing the same vibe #and kind of upsetting when I think a little bit too hard about the passage of time and not being able to go back #I think there's something I miss about everything being new #and a relatively small group of us showing up at around the same time and being in the same situation #and all just kind of working together to figure stuff out #on the one hand suddenly being in the system was upsetting and confusing but there was a kind of novelty to it #whereas now it's just my life. which isn't a bad thing per say. it's just that a lot of things have sunk in since then #about being stuck here and having to deal with certain things permanently #plus a lot of the people I used to hang out with all the time (mostly other people from my source) aren't as active anymore #although I think a lot of them were less active last summer but then more active over the winter? maybe that'll happen again? who knows... #I should have been in bed probably 2+ hours ago and I think that's making me feel weird emotionally #and now I'm thinking a little too hard about being stuck in a body that doesn't feel like it's mine #because I looked in the mirror for a little too long earlier and got freaked out about seeing someone else's reflection

[naamahdarling]

.

#for soccer moms #i like a band that gets slagged off on for a thing a member said a long time ago and i mesn like over a decade #and that by words action personal behavior and financial support #by every means that i can think of #the person and the group has shown that they have not only grown but completely changed for real #and to me that kind of growth is really meaningful and also a good example for others whose hearts need setting right #and is also a bit healing for the demographic #and like you don't have to forgive someone for something that hurt or betrayed you but also like #im seeing people who were in their single or very early double digits say bad shit about them #and it's obvious they were not following what happened back then snd have just seized a way to take a stand against SOMETHING #in a very accessible way #to distance themselves from those beliefs #and they also get to use this chance to say this group has terrible music which they sinply DON'T #so they take their swings and sometimes I feel like the latter hit that they find more satisfying #and it just annoys me on both counts #people change and also music that is catchy and easy to sing along to isn't inherently bad or shallow even when it's #babes who brought you up if not middle-aged women and do you really think their interests and inner lives are also unimportant and shallow #and also from whaf i see I'm a super old fan and I'm exactly soccer mom age #idk it just annoys the shit out of me #idk it's just really weird is all #i don't like hearing people who sound like the little dweebs who tried to bully me in school over my music AND #who sound like hypocrites for their outrage over an insult to their community when they won't listen to the adults in that community #their own elders whose advice is desperately needed and who are the ones who drove for what rights we have and are front of the lines still #it's so shallow and obvious and frankly gross #eta: i looked it up and it was 16 years ago holy shit #redemption arc beginning about two years later WOW #no this is not about whatever band you think it is and I'm not telling #i really promise it isn't them

[140smashedguitars]

Me being motivated to actually continue this fic? Unbelievable, unexpected, can't be real

And yet

#i've been trying to work on this fic for ages #i got really bad writer's block for so long #which finally cleared at... 1am a couple of nights ago #i don't know if i'm competely happy but it's getting there #this is the first multi chapter fic i've written and i'm stupidly nervous about it i feel like the first chapter isn't long enough #even though i know it doesn't matter #anyway i'll shut up now

[pulquedeguayaba]

.

I'm so fucking tired of everything

Of this stuck loop I've been into since the pandemic started (but more with my current job since June 2021)

It's like a monotonous and neurosis inducing limbo in which I'm further stuck with the toxic cycle of depression-substance abuse-possible adhd and it's do hard to get out

Taking slow and size varying steps but it's not enough

It's becoming worse lately, I can barely tolerate the people I live with. There's nothing I wish more than to have my own place just me and my dog, and no one else, at least for quite a while (except for more animals ofc, the only ones who truly brighten a home without ever giving you bitter moments). Which is hard becos gentrification and still doable ofc but it'd be like a medium-term goal (especially cos I'm not sharing).

Also I've been more aware cos lately I'm exclusively smoking hashish (except for this weekend, and yeah, definitely putting regular consumption of weed aside for some time, for this and other [dysmorphia/dysphoria/ed] related reasons) and yeah no.

And it's kinda messy and got it sorted in my head but the people around me don't respect me (and for the most part I don't care except it shows in certain interactions that have been irritating me A LOT lately) and like don't expect anything from me but some of them are also kind of disappointed in very this passive aggressive and cunty way. And I hate it and I been hating interacting with them (which isn't that often but even the shortest interactions with most of them are enough for me to feel annoyed for a while) and I can't even complain cos they'd be like tf u on? Y u overreacting? So sensitive must be the drugs and again the scenario where everyone is allowed to be angry and call people out be assertive and be emotional except fucking me (apparently is related to the cancer Mars curse, that horrendous and useless placement)

And I just wish my domestic life wasn't this stressful and because I'm a body freak I got all my reactions and ticks in check and so my body has to find ways to let out the stress (even though I work out every day sometimes quite intensely) also this is where weed usually came in but again had been giving me headaches lately plus the binge eating and yeah the smell cos paranoia and again the cycle

I feel so trapped and I feel so stuck

And I just wish I could just one day wake up and being a workaholic and get out from here

#personal #super long rant l #and like obviously i got plans and ideas #which i hate to announce becos usually they get ruined for telling others #but that also makes it seem like immot doing anything #and i just sighs #also tonight really feeling that death wish but atm the moment don't really feel like killing myself #came across a cautionary story some months ago and...yeah no #but god the deathwish is strong ngl #but then i also think of my dog (always my dog) #and i just know he would always be an afterthought for everyone #and no one would put up with all the special care his meds and baths and everything he needs #i hope that least he can live his final years (he's middle aged atm) in his own place not sharing with other dogs #and me not sharing with other people #isn't that just peaceful and beautiful

[nanaccused]

I'm officially the side character in a romance drama

#its stressful #but really how can this be so cliché #i never thought stuff like this actually happened #get ready for some long tags #my friend has had a crush on this guy since a class trip about a year ago and has been talking about him and pining after him since then #some like 18+ stuff even happened between them #but they were never officially together or anything #and now her best friend since 7th grade is together with that guy even though she kept saying she wasnt interested in him and is aro/ace #which okay you dont have to come out if you dont feel comfortable and nobody should force you to out yourself ever #but that bitch asked him to be her biyfriend even though she knew exactly how my friend feels about that guy #like she was there when she first developed that crush and has been listening to her pine after that guy for a year #and then she dares to lie to her best friend about not liking him and that he asked her out #my friend found out about their relationship from the guy she has a crush on and he told her that she asked him out #that guy is too stupid to lie about it #so that girl lied even more so she doesnt seem like she lied before or soem other stupid reason #if she had at least talked about it to my friend or waited until she was over him it would've been semi-okay to ask him out #but really #how childish and immature do you have to be to just go behind your best friends back #im sure she had her reasons and everything since she isn't really a bad person or anything #but im still angry at her #and im going to be for a while