#who let me have a blog going into damn near 2023

[hopelesslyhysteric]

Just tryna get over the hump that is life ya know

#so original #much create #pls end me #who let me have a blog going into damn near 2023 #girls with tattoos #girls with ink #me

[digitalsatyr23]

My Writeblr 2023 in Retrospect

This year feels like a weird blur. Like a lot happened, but looking back, I keep feeling like there are these huge blank spots. The only way I can really chart my course is through my writing, as well as what I uploaded here. While I became more active again near the end of 2022, the vast majority of the stuff I've done for my blog took place during this year. Unfortunately, not all the writing I did this year could be uploaded (private comms, group projects, NSFW content), and there were many dry spells here (especially recently) because of this.

What I'm Proud Of: This was the first year that I seriously did things like writing commissions. Like sure, I had done one for a friend and that worked out okay, but doing that with a friend you're familiar with is waaaaay different than working with people you don't know, especially since you gotta come up with rules and a general framework. Had some highs, had some lows, but I still feel happy I was able to scrape by on my writing alone. Like it was still rough because as basically everyone who lived through the same year can attest, 2023 was like "what if everything was more expensive for no goddamn reason" and that mean anything that was already hard was like... Way harder. Many a nights I had to ration out my food and eat like once a day to ensure I had a meal awaiting me the next day. So being able to not go hungry due to being able to write was pretty great, all things considered. I also made a lot of good writeblr friends on here. There's a pretty chill community on this site, and I'm glad that I get to be a small part of it. Hopefully my stuff will continue to be well-received going forward!

What I Regret: I think my biggest regret - aside from the major dryspells in creativity and motivation - has to be the fanfiction. Like it's no secret to me that the OoT fanfic I was writing between projects was like way more popular than my originals. And hey, that's totally cool. But it's also because of that that when I had to switch back to other projects, or just focus on surviving, I kept thinking to myself "Damn, I really dropped the ball with that one. I had a good thing going and then I just sorta walked away." I feel bad about that. Believe it or not, I do plan to return to it, but there's also another project that's been waiting for me to return to, so now that I've just about finished with this really huge commission, I need to give that project some love first. So the tl;dr is that I do plan to finish the OoT fanfic eventually, it's just not something I can get back to this very moment. If I have any updates for it, I'll let you guys know!

Stories/Chapters I Wrote This Year: 25

My 2023 Word Count: 261,933

I'm specifically counting short stories, novelettes, novellas, or chapters that are part of a larger but incomplete project (any story with multiple chapters that is complete would just be 1 in this case). Like I wrote a crapload of lore for my Arachnia setting buuuut if I had to sift through all that and include it here, I'd be here a long time... In any case, I just wanted to reflect on this year, partly so I could try and remember things, and partly so I could come to terms with both my proud moments and regrets. I feel like 2024 is gonna be the "me picking up the pieces" year or something, but I feel that I owe it to myself to keep moving forward and make things that I love. With luck, hopefully you'll love what I make too. Take care, everyone, and happy New Year!!

#blogging #writeblr #year review #my 2023 wordcount

[sammysshadowself]

Post 1, 10/31/23 - 11/15/23

Hey! My name is Sam (or Sammy,) and I'm 17. I wanted to start a sort of daily/weekly journal about my life and what I'm doing, mainly because one of my other friends did the same thing and i thought that was cool :0. I was attending a public school in Virginia for my whole life but, recently, I had to move up northwest to Washington with my uncle, Jack. I transferred schools (I'm not saying where I'm going to school, obviously.) I'm mainly typing here as a sort of blog/schedule. I have some things I need to get off of my mind. Stuff about moving, new friends, and my new school. More specifically, a dream I had both before and after moving here. I was in a carriage, sitting on a wood bench that was facing the horses. In front of me, between the horses, was a cloaked man. To his left was a large cage with a tarp over it. I could hear a faint growling coming from it. The man spoke, "Welcome to the Velvet Room. My name is Igor." There was something familiar about the wooden carriage. I look to my left and right and there were only stars. The universe was around me, existing in the carriage. I remember that he gave me a fortune telling session with Tarot cards. He drew The Fool, The Chariot, and The Moon. "The fool shall use their natural drive to uncover a large secret." I took another look at the carriage I was in and then I heard a bell ring. "Our time is up. We will meet again." I heard that same ringing transition into the sound of my alarm. I don't often have dreams, let alone dreams as vivid as this one. Anyone able to tell what this is or what it means? I've researched Tarot to know what the cards meant. The Fool seemed to represent openness and a new journey, the chariot being drive and enervation, and the moon being secrecy and introspection.

The second dream saw me in the "Velvet Room" again. This dream happened after I moved in with Uncle Jack. "Igor" welcomed me back in his same cheery, almost light and playful voice. "It appears the fool has started their adventure, their leap of faith." The universe around the carriage twinkled, responding to his words, almost affirming them. I recognized one planet amongst the stars around us: Saturn and its many rings. "The next time we meet will be on your own accord." The cage stopped growling and I awoke to the same bell to alarm transition. Any answers are appreciated. But enuf about cryptic dream talk The past 15 days have just been me getting settled into my new life. I've been talking to my therapist about the move. Recently, she's been more open about herself and her personal thoughts too, almost like we're friends and not a mentally ill teenager and their doctor.

Uncle Jack got me my own small apartment. He works for some sort of construction company that specializes in homes and apartments. They also do repairs. In other words, he's like a repair wizard. That being said, the only reason I'm able to have this three-bedroom apartment is because it was deemed "unlivable" by the landlord. It's not unlivable, just nowhere near pretty or polished enough to rent. Apparently, Uncle Jack has a good bond with the owner of the complex. It's pretty dope having not just my own room but my own apartment. Uncle Jack also visits me once a day to ask how I'm holding up and whatnot.

On top of that, there's this kid named Axel who runs the gardening club at school. He is a cool guy and I like gardening too so we got along pretty well. And he's also HELLA good at gardening, especially with such a shabby school greenhouse to work with. He's like some sort of damn magician. The only other person in the gardening club is his boyfriend, Alan. It's a small club and I lowkey feel like I'm third wheeling. Then again, they make me feel welcome.

EDIT: I'm writing this on the 14th of November 2023. Apparently, our principal, Dr. Lindus, plans to cut funding to a LOT of different programs and clubs. This also includes the gardening club, the GSA, the drama department, and more. This will be decided on the 30th of November for sure, but like, what a shitty thing to do??

I met my homeroom teacher, Mr. Conquer (not his actual name but that's what everyone calls him? Idk) and I went home. From that day out, I just attended class as normal and got well acquainted. I'm not used to city life whatsoever (i'm from the western tip of Virginia) so this is like an entirely different setting. I can literally WALK to school that's so cool.

Anywho, hi guys :D I don't know how many people I'm going to reach. Hopefully i reach a witch or psychic who can interoperate my dream for me because I am genuinely at a loss. Thanx for tuning in! See ya soon.

#creative writing #persona #interactive fiction #writeblr #blog

[a3day]

A3DAY Extended Commentary: KAI "Rover" (2023)

DISCLAIMER - An Album a Day is my exploration into the Korean music scene. This blog, just like my podcast, will cover mainstream, indie and some underground artists within the scene and provide both factual and opinionated commentary. The biggest benefit to sharing my thoughts this way is that it will hopefully expose you to more great music and exploration of your own.

When assuming membership in one of South Korea's most well-recognized idol groups, I'm willing to believe that creating solo work is not only a deeply desired opportunity, but a rites of passage. Clearly, it's allowed Kim Jong-in a.k.a. Kai to break away from the mold (or "colors," as K-pop often refers to the energy, styling, and expectations) of SM Entertainment's EXO with two mini-albums.

With this third outing, "Rover," sounds unexpected. There's some familiar deliveries, but you damn near can't put your finger on which EXO album clued you in that he could do what he's going to do on this project. You can't even fully place it on the same shelf as "Peaches," his second mini-album birthed 16 months before this one. If his debut mini-album was sexy-sexy-dance-dance-smooth, then the second was tongue-in-cheek-sweet-sweet-vibes... and this one is grown-grown-borderline-AOMG/H1GHR Music.

You can't just jump around like that, Kaihonetta... don't do me us like this... it's dangerous. (And yes, that is pronounced Kai-ho-netta.)

SM used far better words than I have to express the variety of this album, stating,

KAI has presented different concepts for each solo album released so far, such as 'Mmmh' with a restrained sexiness and 'Peaches' with a sweet vibe, proving that he is a 'world-class performer' who will never let you down. Expectations are rising for the unique music and performance that he will show through this album.

Let's get into the breakdown of what we're hearing, feeling *clears throat* and sensing on "Rover," track by track.

Rover - Bulgarian pop done Kai's way

You've read that right: this song is a reinterpretation of Bulgarian pop star Dara's song, released on Virginia Records. SM embraces covers and the fact that Kai's production team stayed true to the original music and arrangement is a win.

At bare minimum, the chorus is catchy enough to get a little body movement from its listeners. In my case, I keep mixing parts of it in my head with another track on the album, which we'll get to soon enough.

EDIT: Since writing this on album release day, I've come across several conversations on Twitter about this song and how Kai "copied it." We know there are instances of blatant plagiarism in South Korean pop entertainment but this is not the case here. Permission was sought, granted and publicly acknowledged.

It takes so little to search the Internet for reputable reporting and notations about major and indie label work. This was a perfect opportunity to use those keyboarding skills to find the truth.

While I understand that not everyone is engrossed in music to the point of wanting to know who's who and what's doing what, these arguments against Kai's reinterpretation are ignorant. Checks and cheques have cleared.

Listen to my reaction to this song below

Black Mirror - "Boomerang~~ boomerang~~" A song produced with the sounds of its time for mid-trap music, the track wins because it's not overwhelming the auditory experience. Kai plays with pitch and tone throughout the entire track as he speaks about watching someone with provocative angles and enticing interactions. It's easy enough to ignore the music in favor of his delivery. He sounds comfortable yet arrogant and it works. It works very well, indeed.

Slidin' - This man is talking about adult extra-curricular activities

The mood is set as soon as the song comes on. It's a mellow tempo that encourages the body to loosen up and one's head to bob to the beat. Thus, I thought the title was about sliding into one's DMs. It seemed right and my ass was wrong. Kai said, "Slidin'/Strip it down, take it off/Slidin'/You can leave it all to me/Come wrap me up, closely."

It's easy to get lost in the melodic experience but if you take the time to familiarize yourself with the lyrics in the language of your choosing, then you'll find this song to be a solid statement of adulthood without giving too much away.

Bomba - Reggaeton and redundancy

I must preface this by saying that I'm a member of a reggaeton household. I can't escape it when I hop in the car nor can I run from it when my partner is lounging around the house. It takes very little effort to identify its typical instruments; and it's not that I don't enjoy it, but that I am burned out on it.

Now that my truth has been revealed, this song would not work any other way. "Bomba" is on trend, gives a few words in Spanish to make it feel authentic, and has ear worm capacity that syncs with "Rover" (unintentionally?) well.

Say You Love Me - The hip-hop soul track that fits multiple vocals

Let's look at this first from the artistic styling before my fangirl antics surface. The team behind this track must hide behind the mild description given by SM for the song to avoid pearl-clutching behaviors. The label gives us this:

''Say You Love Me'' is a hip-hop R&B song, which directly expresses the wish to have love confirmed in precise words.

Call it a nice way of saying what one with certain life experiences could pick up on: this song isn't playing around with words but seeking physical confirmation. This isn't uniquely Kai's, per se, not in the way we think of "Confession," for example. This track could have found a home with the deliveries of GOT7's Yugyeom and/or Jay B, Bluewoods, or even Dean if he felt like coming back. Any male artist willing to ride the lyrical cadence could have done it, but it's nice to have Kai challenge himself in this way.

Where's the fangirl antics, you say? I scream, you scream, we're all screaming, "Kai, PLEASE." PLEASE! What the hell do you mean, asking me to wake up and feel the mood and "just feel when I move"?!? HUH?!?! BLANKET THREATS, SIR. You're throwing around blanketed threats!

Sinner - A powerful close to a literal phase in an entertainer's life

We've heard Kai use music before to (allegedly) process feelings of heartbreak and loss as a member of EXO but this felt like it was seeking retribution and forgiveness with his fans. After all, we know that sooner than later, his time to serve his country through military service is coming. Could his pleas for punishment with an immediate re-embrace be thoughts about the inevitable next thing? Regardless if this interpretation is true or not, the song rests on a simplified beat and contemplative piano. The baseline and kick drum could deliver more, as it feels a bit apprehensive soulfully, but it doesn't diminish the message.

MY OFFICIAL RANKING

K-pop fans, on a scale of 1 to 5 where 5′s essential listening and 1′s not worth mentioning, the A3Day ranking for Kai's third album is 4. He's provided three albums that have captured the colors of three periods in his life and this one feels like a man on the cusp of new experiences away from the limelight. I enjoyed it and look forward to what's next to come.

#a3day blog #a3day extended commentary #exo kai #kai rover #music commentary #kpop imagines #kpop moodboard

[duhragonball]

Goku’s Fire Brigade

Folks, it’s the 2023 Dragon Apocrypha Liveblog, and it’s starting right here, right now!  

If you’re familiar with this blog, I liveblogged all of Dragon Ball and Dragon Ball Z in 2019.  Naturally, a few people asked if I would be doing GT and/or Super next, but I had to tell ‘em no, because I just didn’t have the time or motivation to extend it out that far.  Later, I sat down and counted out all the specials and extra stuff and things like that, and as it turns out, when you add it all up, you get a pretty big chunk of material.   Not as big as DB(Z) but comparable to it. So I decided that it needed to be a separate liveblog for a whole other year, and that year has arrived!

I don’t want to give away everything I’ll be covering, but rest assured that Dragon Ball GT and Dragon Ball Super will be a part of it.   Beyond that, this is mainly a chance for me to sit down and check out a few things that I’ve never watched before.  And so I’m gonna start things off with Goku’s Fire Brigade, a public service video from 1988.  There’s another one about traffic safety, and as far as I can tell, they both aired on the same day, so I have no idea which one came first.   But this one has fire in it, so it seems like a better choice to kick things off.

Since it’s New Year’s Day, let’s set the mood with some cool music.

Okay, so this is a ten minute video that you can probably find on YouTube just as easily as I did, but here’s the story: Goku hates fire.  I don’t mean he’s afraid of it like Frankenstein, I mean Goku’s gonna kick fire’s ass.  This video opens with a couple of kids setting off fireworks on a playground, and one of them falls over where Goku is doing martial arts stuff.   He sees it and quickly stomps on it to put it out.  Then he notices...

OH SHIT.   Yeah, another firecracker fell into a wastebasket and ignited all the trash.  Luckily, Goku just pounces over a bush with a bucket of water, and dumps it all over the can to put it out. 

Then Goku lectures the two kids about fire safety.  I really thought this would be a boring little PSA, but I am blown away by Goku’s all-business approach to this role.  When we first see him, he’s just wearing his fighting clothes and doing his usual training stuff, so he’s the same character we know, but in this world, when it comes to fire, it’s on sight.  Goku’s not here to clown around, which is aces with me, because I love me some Serious Goku.

Let’s go over all of Goku’s advice, because some of you may need to know this stuff.  Hell, I bet some of you are on fire right now. Look, I’m flattered that you want to read this, but seriously, stop, drop and roll.  Those of you who are not currently on fire, consider the following fireworks advice:

Have an adult present.

Prepare a bucket of water.

Do it in a spacious area, not on a crowded playground where you’re liable to hit Goku with one of those damn things.

Don’t set off fireworks near flammable things, like that trash can from a minute ago.

The kids wonder how Goku is so knowledgeable about fire safety, and he explains that he’s with the town’s fire brigade.  Today’s his day off, but fire never takes a day off, as we learn when we hear sirens in the distance.  Turns out Goku’s buddies are responding to a blaze in another part of town. 

Turns out this fire was caused by the father of the household falling asleep in his chair while smoking.   The kids observe that cigarette butts can be scary, but Master Roshi points out that there are plenty of other things that can cause fires, like forgetting to shut off a stove burner or an iron, children’s mischief, or even being careless with fireworks.   The kids are still embarrassed about that one.

That night, they read the riot act to their parents, who smoke in bed and neglect to shut of the gas valve on the stove.  Goku’s no-nonsense attitude is rubbing off on them.

The next day, we check in on Bulma, who is rocking a hot pink shirt with neon green pants.  Wait, this isn’t Capsule Corp., what’s going on here?

She has a cat in this apartment, which she calls “Tama”, just like the black cat Dr. Brief has in the main show, but this one looks different.  It’s like they redesigned Puar to look more like a regular cat. 

I should pause here to discuss the continuity here.  This video aired on June 8, 1988, the same day as Episode 115 of the Dragon Ball anime.  That would be the one where Goku and Yajirobe set out to find the sacred water Goku would use to increase his strength to defeat King Piccolo.  So the characters in this video look a lot like they do in the King Piccolo saga, but obviously the details don’t line up.  This isn’t West City and it’s not clear that Bulma even knows the others.  It’s more like a dramatization with the DB cast performing their assigned roles. 

So Bulma’s in her apartment cooking breakfast, when she steps away to feed her cat.  That’s a bad move, but it gets worse because an earthquake suddenly hits, and she slips on the cat food and hits her head on the way down. 

And Bulma didn’t close the lid on the bottle of cooking oil she left on the counter, so the earthquake causes it to spill onto the stove, where it ignites. 

Fortunately for Bulma, those same two kids are passing by on their way to school, and they know to call 119.  I should point out that the translator’s note in this screenshot isn’t entirely accurate.  I looked it up, and while 119 is an emergency services number in Japan, it’s only for fire and ambulance services. For the police, you have to dial a different number, 110.

Here’s a cool shot of Krillin to the rescue, but it turns out the ladder on his fire truck isn’t long enough to reach Bulma’s apartment, so Goku steps in and uses the Nyoibo.

He joins Bulma on the balcony and tells her to climb on the pole while he saves her cat.   There’s a dirty joke in there somewhere but I can’t be bothered.

Speaking of dirty jokes, Master Roshi is very excited to catch Bulma on her way down.  Because she is a pretty lady, and catching a person is sort of like fondling them for like a second.  How does he even know she’s pretty?  He couldn’t have possibly seen her from all the way up there.

Anyway, Yamcha shoves him aside and makes the catch instead.  Kind of looks like Bulma might have broken her neck there, but this is a video about fire safety, not how to catch people.

As for Bulma’s cat, Goku finds it and just jumps out of the apartment and onto Krillin’s ladder, like a badass. 

Then he helps put out the fire.  I really like this shot of him with the hose. 

Once the day is saved, Bulma is told to be more careful, and the kids thank Goku for his help the other day, but the others weren’t there for that firecracker incident, so they have no idea what they’re talking about.  And the kids are too embarrassed about it to explain, so Goku just has a laugh to himself.

After that, we get an outro which is just “Mystical Adventure” with different vocals.  The lyrics have been modified to include fire safety tips, and there’s clips from this video interspersed with the usual OP animation. 

And that’s all.  Not a whole lot to this one, but it turned out to be a lot more fun than I expected.   Next, we’ll tackle the traffic safety one, but I gotta say, the bar has been set awfully high...

#dragon ball #2023dbapocryphaliveblog #goku's fire brigade

[th3-0bjectivist]

     Have I reminded everyone that I hate goth music in 2023? Okay, just to reiterate, I will state indefatigably that I HATE approximately 94.999999% of goth music. I can’t stand the musical subculture, I despise the shitty quality of most goth albums, and I detest how most of it boils down to pop music. I also loathe how the mascara-dripping ‘darkness’ of most goth groups can be scientifically measured to be about as deep and dark as a puddle of piss upon further inspection. I don’t hate goths, but your music kinda blows, okay? So let me help everyone out by submitting a goth tune to Tumblr that is full of quality. You know what I love!? I love any music at all that punctuates *REAL* pain. I love a lady vocalist that touches upon raw nerves. You know how I like my goth music? Six feet under! Enter Chainsuck. Folks, this is week four-of-four in my monthlong Lady-Vocalist-Hotties-Who-Rock entries, and I’m going to end it with the poetry and poise of a band you’ve never heard of and likely never will outside of my blog. Do you know what ‘chain suck’ is? It’s what happens when you’re riding a bicycle and your chain is extended too far. It is the physical feeling of the metal chain beneath your feet mercilessly being sucked into its own gears; resulting in friction, often clogged with mud. You can no longer peddle, as your chain becomes jammed into its own frame if you do. It results in difficulty moving forward, a slippery injury, or in some rare cases… death. There is no other band that I can recommend that accentuates that feeling, or what the tip-of-the-spear is or was in gothic rock. This is a group that hasn’t made a new album in over two decades and never got their dues for the SUPERB contributions they made to gothic industrial metal. Their tracks were uniquely vocalized by Marydee Reynolds who has a voice that flutters on top of desolate/thoughtful electronic and guitar-driven beds. They pumped out two extremely underrated albums in the late 90’s and then vanished into extinction. And that’s what gothic music should be… a short burst into the netherworld. Just like okra, I love goth music when it’s cooked --- just right! Chainsuck slow-simmered their artform to near-perfection followed shortly thereafter by their own downfall. So smash play, break out your black eyeliner, and immerse yourself in some decent gothic rock for a change. That wraps it up for Lady-Vocalist-Hotties-Who-Rock month. This is Anything but Dead from their 1999 album Kindly Stop For Me. Enjoy dear listener!

     I can honestly say Chainsuck is my favorite goth group despite their very short run. I also love legendary goth acts like Type O Negative, The Cure, and the Cocteau Twins. The difference between those three and Chainsuck… is that Chainsuck just never hit it big. And that’s a damn shame, because they were DAMN good. Image source: https://open.spotify.com/artist/7DGwVb3GKPRJ2a0uHqS5fS

#chainsuck #anything but dead #kindly stop for me #music #audio on tumblr #audio video #music on tumblr #gothic metal #goth music #goth #industrial metal #industrial rock #indie rock #underground music #marydee reynolds

[rawrmeansilyindinosawr]

****TR1GGER WARNING: M3tH!!!!!!***

itz 2023, Im a widdle homosexually homoAF n tried to explain masturbation in English to a French gurl at melting point n due to language barrier she didnt know what “clitoris” or “fingering” meant but as tha clock strikes midnight i asked her iF she wanted 2 make out anywey N she said “Yes” in YOLO. . speakinG of melTing point …… i sTumblEd / limPt in cuz i wuz a L@mb K3bobb the nite b4 n had a fuck machine in my poonani hole. 0/10 starz but 1 more thing oFf buCket List CHECKKKKKED OFF..!!!!! :-] <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 alSo bouncers l3T m3h n fwendzz get in fo fReE cuz we were hot n sexy n famous .

SoOooOo i Got h1Gh n D3LetEd 9 of my tumblrs i’ve had since damn near wheN i Wuz 14 n I’ve been punishing mYselF by not blogging even when i rly rly rly Rly Want 2 n idk i jus hav 2 rememeberr ive lost so many journals/lil notes n poems i’ve written n tucked in notebooks n let them fall to the floor in hopes tht strangers will find them n feel inspired.. I feel lik it’s kinda lik how i have found so many poems in passing like walking places like on the floor (one time walking in east LA i found a note ab someone’s dreams and like exploring astral planes) n the time i found someone’s cd collection in the trash n it had a bunch of personalized cds burned “4 hayley” n the time i found a bunch of poetry books in a suitcase randomly on the st . My words will never leave me if i can’t read them all the time they r inside me and tht makes me nvr wanna destroy my brain or body tht helps me remember n keep all of these things that eternally exist . Memories n love r the realest things we kno or will ever find .

Butt it’s still new yrs n yr seeing ur friendzz take off their sunglasses off n their dialted eyes for the first time ever ever n yr reminded the sunglasses in tha club hide @LL the shame so keep wearing dem . We may or may not hav dropped Acid n ended up getting lost in the dirty warehouse rave n sharing one bathroom stall with 5 people , one girl who was weird n acted like she didn’t share blow w one of us at Bossa the other nite n acted weird and another kept asking if i was an aquarius or scorpio . Bitch huh ?!

tha full Moon In cancer got meh feelin PISSSSST more than emotional . butt yr leaving nowiezz w yr friendzz to go to aftiez n we r all holding hands running to the Karr n howling at tha moon lik wolves . n it feelss surreall n we say we r sentient beings made 4 this . n we agree we r charging our energies , our souls under the glare of the circular Cheese ball above Us in the polluted niTecore sky.

unlock it Lock iT L0cK it L0Ck iT L0CK Itt by charliXXX got me feelin EMOTIONAL!!!!!!1 idgaF if ppl d0nT rly understand cUz iM complex n this street adderal iVe been buying (Kinda m3Thy) . i wrote a poem ab LUV :-3 again cuz of it .

“hold my hand until it breaks

take my heart to wound

til it shatters

in a million

t

i

n

y

shard - l i k w

pieces

and i’ll pick them up

one

by

one

just so u could find

yourself inside “

i kno is i wuz considering singing BIPP by sophie at heaven karaoke 2 sound lik The embodiment of ChaOs computer but it wuz hard . i imagined to sound like dis : <*+<*+~*+~*~+~*~++~*~~>~#~##~{,{~+~++~+~+~++++~~*~*~*~**~*~*~*BIPP!!!

i luv all my friendzz who r soooOo photogenic n hot n creative n cool n i h8 all the meanie Bo Beanies at public hot3L altho we did Dance in tha lobby to BETTER OFF ALonE on maXXX volume n ppl told us we were the party not whut wuzz goin on upstairs then hoppin thru the WEIRD SLIDYY SLIDDY FAST doors 2Gether then danced w mR Uber man n did so much Ketamine in le bain n hugged the door men then watched a stupid boy not own up to his own squirt puddle.

iNs for 2023::

-geTting 75% fisted (4 out of 5 fingers unless the fist counts as two fingers) til u Bleed b4 work to Charlixxx’s “Pop2” album.

-Making out with ur Fwendzz in the nowiez yurT

-snorting untested molly oFf Ur Phone in nowiez yuRt from boys whose names R just singular individualized Letters of the Alphabet (ie: A , C , P , M)

-acCepting bAe applications only for autistic ppl

-pink drug baggies w pandas on them

-Living heterosexuality vicariously thru ur friendz

-weAring ur reading Glassez when Ur not Resding

-sTealing mirrors from F@mily doLLar

-not feelingresponsible 4 oTherzz problemz

-4Somes

-Mutual ghosting

-Fergie and nitecore and fergie nitecore

-hOney MusTarrdd s@uce from Popppeye w bits of Jalapeñoz .

-saying Popeyes like Pop-pie-eyes and Katz ‘s deli like Kat-siziesez

-Un-identifying w marshmalloWs n identifying with Jellyfish instead (if they go their Hole lives without getting fucked they can literally morph back into being a baby to try again to get fucked)

-twitching b4 u sleep

-Sending them selfies even after they told u they don’t wanna see u anymore

Outs for 2023::

-Bottoming

-OverapologiNg

-nUrses at Callen Lourde

-Asking if u look autistic up close for verbal validation

-Tr1pL3 cancers born at 3:33 who think ur big 3 is “boring” but their big 3 is all the same .?

-the nUmber 3 cuz of that sentence rite there .

-being SinGLe for ANY FUCKING L0nG3R????.!!!!!

-Taking mosh pits personally

-Projecting when ur hangry

-exPecting Ur plug to come to the Door like P1zza delivery mans

-justin bieber slander

-fAlling asLeep to “ My saD liL Peep Mix “ any longer than 4 nites in a row

-Monogamy (?)

B BAK SOON IM GOOGLING THE LYRICS TO CLITORIS THA MUSIKAL BY ASHNIKOO TO MEMORIZE n telling ppl thE faKe stoRyy of how i carry moi Muthas ashes with meh in a pizza locket with a DrugSp000n attTacHed to the bottom. mi Mommy is not dead tho it’s a Joke knock on W00D.

XXX FOR SEX ,

rennybaby69247<3 <3

#blog

[thelukaskaiser]

Keep Going

Lukas’ Blog - January 1, 2023 - 5:30PM

Blogging isn’t really a thing anymore, but that isn’t going to deter me from re-starting this one. Sorry about that. I know it’s been a minute since you’ve engaged with one, so I’ll forgive you if you’ve forgotten what to say or do. Let’s just sit here for a moment and relish in the fact that we’re still alive - and both old enough to remember “blogging.” 

I remember the first time I found a “blog” - it was in 1999 - and I found the Livejournal of a graphic designer I really liked who was living in New York City. And in 1999, I was living in Milwaukee, Wisconsin - on the East Side, near UWM. If you’ve seen the movie American Movie, the place where Mark edits his film was about a block from my house. 

And in 1999, I was a hyper creative high school senior, 17 years old and entering into his final year of school, hoping to be accepted (early acceptance) to NYU so he could pursue his dreams of becoming a filmmaker / comedian / media person (which, hey, I was able to achieve - so that’s damn cool). 

And I was into comic books and indie toys and cool stuff and there was this plush toy I bought through Giant Robot magazine - which was a wildly influential magazine on my sensibilities and likes at the time (and hell, probably still is) - and the plush toy came in the mail and the tag to the toy had a URL to the artist’s blog. 

Not “Vlog” but blog. Because you couldn’t really host videos at the time. I mean, it wasn’t that normal for people to have websites either. I had a couple sites - I had taught myself how to make stuff in HTML - but I had never seen a blog before. It was a LiveJournal - and I was absolutely stunned. Blown away. 

Because I just sat there for days on end and read about this artist’s life. Mundane things and important things, triumphs and tribulations - and I was absolutely enthralled. That I could just see how a normal person lived - and lived, in particular, in New York City. Because that was where I wanted to live. 

And I would write down on paper the places the artist would go to - the restaurants, the stores, the bars. And I would just dream - dream I was with him - and feel less alone. 

Blogging wasn’t ever something I kept up regularly, but as a consumer, man, did I absolutely love the Blog era. I mean, we talk about Twitter and independent journalists and all that - but in the mid 2000s, I worked for and ran several blogs. And we were making REAL money - off of advertising and merch and other stuff - and it was a grind, but it was an honest one. And we had our own audiences and fans - and some of those people who became fans of mine from that era still follow my work to this day. It’s a trip. 

So, I’ve decided to blog again. In short bursts and longer bursts too. I don’t really care how many people read the “blog” per se - though it is important for me to publish these entries. I think that in addition to my various daily / weekly journals I keep for myself - my morning pages, which are like a brain dump right when I wake up, along with my “Simple Diary” - which is a regularly updated, quite personal record of my life for the last couple years or so, I want to begin to craft a public persona - one that I’m okay with sharing with complete strangers. 

I had a call with someone about a potential project - something I don’t want to share yet. And on the call, we began to talk about my experience in media and the entertainment industry and it was clear that I really don’t write down or share with anyone my experience. 

Now - that’s sort of normal to me? I feel like most people don’t document their lives - or at least they used to not? I suppose social media has turned us all into oversharers, certainly. But like, if you go to Facebook and look at some of the connections you have from your hometown - there are a lot of people who haven’t posted on their social media pages in years. Because this constant deluge of personal information isn’t normal. 

And, look, am I normal? No. I’ve always had a skewed perspective on life. I have pushed myself to self promote at many times throughout my life. It’s just that the last couple of jobs I had - my current gig at Westbrook and my previous gig at Viacom - were both sort of “insider” roles that worked best when no one knew the roles existed. The Viacom one was in part because there was a ton of writing we were doing - a lot of it comedy writing - but we weren’t part of the WGA, even though our shows were all signed to the union. 

We were just nameless / faceless “Creatives” - sort of ad agency model. 

And at Westbrook, working with public figures to craft their digital brands and personas is a very behind the scenes role. If you’re doing your job right, the public figure you work for seems to be generating this content and this digital brand from thin air, seemingly effortlessly so. 

Which - at times, is true (okay that’s never true). But at times it’s like, well if I tooted my own horn here, it would actually hurt my whole business model. 

Now - we have evolved what we do at Westbrook Media a considerable amount - yes we still help some public figures with their social media, but we mostly get paid to MAKE CONTENT. And I think just about anyone would know that making content takes a lot of effort - both hard effort - like writing and planning and editing and shooting and all that - as well as soft effort - like strategic thinking and positioning and making sure your clients are making the RIGHT content and not just making what they think is going to be hot. 

And I’ve realized that in both the hard and soft labors at my current gig - managing an incredible team of creatives who are truly some of the smartest and most innovative thinkers I’ve ever been able to work with - it doesn’t help anyone for me, as the boss, to set the example of being the humble behind the scenes guy. Because then everyone feels the pressure to have that dance - should I take credit? Should I not? 

It’s tough! But rather than “take credit” I think I want to try to begin to focus my energies on exploring the things I’m struggling with - the things I’m excited about - and using my work, and my experience, and my day to day life (with a lot of discretion) as the medium to explore these topics, knowing that my life may be a good example for other people. 

So - this is to say I’m excited to be back in the business of writing and publishing written content in this space. I will likely attempt to turn these posts into audio / video things as well at some point, though my space is not clean enough or well laid out at the moment, and the anxiety of showing off my messiness would be too great to bear and I’d explode into a million pieces or something. 

Regardless, I am in my space - and I am lucky to have a space to create things in. Both in my professional as well as my personal / creative life. And I do not take that for granted. 

I remember quite clearly the five years when I was living in my mom’s attic, working from home, constantly grinding to try to freelance and publish content and become a writer - and how painful it all felt - and how isolating it all was. 

Look - people definitely can go longer than five years to try to crack through - and I had some positive experience mixed in with those painful ones - but from when I graduated college, in 2004, until I landed as a junior writer/producer at Spike TV in 2009, I can say without a doubt I skated quite close to the edge of fully giving up on my dreams. And every time I tried to pursue something BIG or CREATIVE or IMPORTANT - like the screenplay I wrote with my former boss, or my stage play, or the podcasts I tried to launch at the time, or the sketches or digital content I was trying to submit, or the numerous late night TV packets I was writing and submitting every single day - it would always blow up in my face. 

Now, looking back, it was amazing that none of that stuff worked out - because I was clearing out my mind of all the horrible, bad ideas I carried around with me while getting the experience of DOING THE WORK… 

I was learning how to write screenplays and how to direct videos and edit and all that - skills I still use to this day, in a much more professional setting - but learning how to do those things in practical ways that school could never teach you. And thankfully, none of my output was good, so the cringe-y and stupid ideas I was churning out will hopefully never be seen by anyone. 

I can look back at my isolation and loneliness and anger at that time with fondness - knowing that I was growing so quickly, even though it didn’t feel like it. 

And maybe you’re at home, feeling like you’re hitting your head against a wall over and over again - maybe you’re publishing content that no one seems to care about, or you’re applying to job after job and no one cares. It SUCKS. I know what that feels like. 

But if you can somehow orient your mind around gaining those SOFT SKILLS in the process - and understanding that a few years of obscurity will allow you to be BETTER - well maybe it won’t be so painful all the time. 

The surprises in store for us in 2023 are going to be painful - it’s going to be extra hard for people to get things SEEN and to get things MADE. Our normal modes of selling content, our normal ways of distributing things to audiences - it’s all going to feel so lost and so pointless. So we damn well better focus on the GROWTH and not the SUCCESS. Because otherwise, I’m telling you, every day is gonna feel more painful than the last. 

And the goal of making stuff is to feel less painful - less judged, less alone. So if the stuff you’re making is just making you feel more lonely, more rejected, it’s gonna push you to give up your dreams. And that would be a damn tragedy. Because you never know who’s moved by your stuff - you never know who needs an encouraging word. You never know who’s at their wit’s end and feels utterly isolated and alone. 

Yknow, how I felt less alone as a teenager in Milwaukee, reading those entries back in 1999. In some ways, all the therapy and personal work I’ve done to transform myself over the last 2 or so years has done something remarkable - it’s made me actually REMEMBER more. And it’s given me a helluva lot of empathy for myself in those vulnerable and quieter moments. 

I kept a diary after I fell in love with blogging, with the hope of turning it into a blog one day. It was the year 2000 and I was a Freshman at NYU at that point. I lived on 10th street and Broadway in a dorm called Brittany Hall. Which at the time was the only dorm with no air conditioning.

We lived in these big, concrete rooms - 3 of us, me and my two roommates. And we were all so hopelessly depressed and horny. Wanting to meet new people - yearning for life - knowing we were at the precipice of a new life experience (which ultimately was 9/11 - which happened the next year - we just didn’t know it yet). 

And I kept this journal - and the entries were PAINFUL. They were overwrought and filled to the margins with grumpiness and sourness and angst and WANT and DESIRE. 

But they were fucking VULNERABLE too. And as I began to make friends - I had a sketch group from the Upright Citizens Brigade and we would hang out at Max Fish - and I had a job teaching kids writing and reading and became friends with my co-workers - and I got an internship at Mass Appeal magazine, and joined The Plague - our college humor magazine - as I began to form a more confident persona, I would look back at those vulnerable journal entries and WRETCH from embarrassment. 

And when I graduated from college, I hid those journals for a while - until one day, actually in 2010, a year after getting my “break” in the industry and in the process of moving from Long Island (where my mother had been living - long story, she moved from Milwaukee) to Brooklyn (to the place I still live in to this day in BK), I took the notebooks and, instead of packing them, I tore the pages of the diary entries to shreds and threw them in the trash. 

Because I was mortified that I was ever that lonely and desperate and in pain. Because it had been so long since I had felt that way. 

But now, 13 years later, I’m really, really mad at myself for having done that. Pain is a real feeling. We don’t find ourselves confronting “real” things that often. And I wish I could look back and thumb the spines of those notebooks and glaze my finger over my handwriting - which hasn’t changed in decades - and try to connect with that little boy who was in pain - and tell him it’s going to be okay. Because it was going to be okay - it was okay. He ended up being just fine. 

And I disrespected him by throwing away his journal entries. The ones he cared about. 

Which I forgive myself for doing, but man, do I regret having done that. We don’t so often leave ourselves a trail of bread crumbs back to our past experiences. So when we do - when we write in journals or keep up a blog or whatever - we’ve gotta cherish those things and let them be. 

This “blog” doesn’t have to be anything other than a dumping ground for missives and dumb ideas - again, a place where I can quietly shape my public persona, which I so desperately need to craft and then use for the next chapter of my life. 

But I’m not going to disrespect the space. I promise myself that now. 

Anyways, I’m going to do some other writing now - this was honestly really nice. Hopefully I can keep it up - and perhaps it’ll be something you find useful or helpful or interesting. And if not, then I’m sorry. 

By the way, the artist whose livejournal I fell in love with was Mumbleboy. It looks like his early entries are gone, just like my old journals.

#journal #blogging #blogs #nostalgia