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#why are you even complaining. you don't go here.
i2sunric · 5 hours
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LOVE IS (NOT) EASY (l.hs)
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summary: there was nothing you hated more than the smell of cigarettes and smokers. always acting as if they were above anything else. but just like persephone learnt how to love hades, then why couldn’t you learn how to love heeseung?
warnings: fingering, rough sex, chocking, gagging, unprotected sex (don’t be silly, wrap your willy), blowjob, squirting, heeseung is toxic, heeseung smokes, reader hates cigarettes, situationship with benefits?, doggy, missionary, dirty talk, pet names (babe, baby, slut), lmk if more. (strangely) proofread.
published: 9th May 2024
wc: 3.5k
taglist: (permanent) @stolasisyourparent @jaeyunsbimbo @heelvsted @jwnghyuns (one shot) @slut4hee @ineedsomezzz @deobitifull @smisworld @mitmit01 @the-poetic-side-of-me @cha0thicpisces @heeseungsbitvh
Blasting music, almost at a deafening volume, blinding lights and the mixed smell of sweat and alcohol. That was how your birthday party was going on, all your friends and friends of friends filling the room, making the air heavy.
You kept smiling and greeting people you hadn’t even invited, accepting kind birthday wishes. You were in desperate need of fresh air but you were also trying to find Lee Heeseung.
Your relationship was rather complicated, if you had to be honest. You weren’t a couple, because Heeseung made it clear from the first day you met that he couldn’t afford love. But you also weren’t just nothing.
Whatever it was, he was supposed to show up at your birthday party— well, he actually did, he greeted you with the most false smile you could’ve ever see and then disappeared in thin air.
You knew he hated social gatherings, especially if it was with people outside his corrupted and not so safe group of friends, but you thought he’d at least celebrate with you.
You stumbled on your heels, making your way through the crowd until you finally reached the entrance of the room you rented and went outside.
The cold air hit your barely covered skin, the thin and tight dress you chose as an outfit doing nothing to cover you from the chilly weather.
It was when you focused on your surroundings that you noticed a pair of familiar broad shoulders covered in utterly familiar leather jacket.
You walked beside him and frowned when you noticed he was yet again smoking a cigarette, the bitter smell of it tickling your nostrils “Seriously?”
Heeseung rolled his eyes and took another long drag from his cigarette, "You look good tonight, babe."
You let out a small sigh, looking at him with a sharp stare. Heeseung wasn’t one to do things out of kindness, he was selfish and only did what he could to take advantage himself. You just hoped he’d listen to you once— But again, hope was not on your side. when it came to him.
“You promised you wouldn’t smoke today.” You stated, reminding him of your previous conversation.
He let out a groan, "You're impossible to make happy." He put out the cigarette and threw it on the ground, stepping on it, "There. You happy now?" He raised an eyebrow.
It wasn’t very nice to just throw the cigarette on the ground and leave it there, but you weren’t going to complain since his lungs would have less smoke in them.
“Come on, Hee.” You stepped in front of him, your height difference was clear that way “It’s my birthday, you said it was my gift.”
Heeseung let out another groan, "Don't pull that card on me. it doesn't work anymore." He mumbled and pulled you closer by the waist, "I didn't want to be here in the first place. We could have celebrated it alone and had a lot more fun together."
You wrapped your arms around his neck, your figures melting together “But I wanted to celebrate it with my friends too.”
"Well, I am better than them—“ He raised a brow, “They can’t satisfy you the way I do.”
Heeseung leaned down to kiss you, his tongue licking your bottom lip. He pulled away, "Don't forget it" He whispered on your lips but it came off as threatening.
“Oh, so now you’re better than them?” You asked, teasing him as you pulled your face away from his.
He pulled you back, his hand gripping onto your chin tightly, "I’ve always been. Who else would put up with your attitude?" He said with a cocky smirk.
You sighed, shaking your head “What attitude?” You mumbled, slightly offended.
Heeseung pulled harder on your chin so you looked up at him, "Look at you right now, always trying to make me mad." His voice was husky, sending shivers down your spine.
“But you like it?” You asked, your quiet voice going straight to his cock— however he couldn’t just steal you away from your party, could he?
Heeseung had a thing for toying with you, confusing you, leaving you just to claim you all over again. Cause no matter how much you acted like you hated him, you knew there was no going back from his game.
His fingers trailed down from your chin to your neck, squeezing the sides slightly, "You don’t know a damn thing abou what I like." He mumbled and leaned down to kiss you again.
He pulled away before you had the chance to respond, "Go inside. I’ll join you in a minute" He demanded.
You pointed a finger at his chest, wanting to sound threatening “No more cigs.”
Heeseung grabbed your hand and kissed it, "You know I can't make promises I don't intend to keep" He squeezed your hand.
"I'll see you inside" he smirked and walked away before you could give him another response.
“Heeseung!” You shouted, watching as he walked away. He didn’t even turn around, he just waved one of his hands and disappeared in the middle of the night; just like he always did.
You groaned, frustrated with him, but most of all with yourself, for always letting him lead you on. You just went back to your birthday party, now feeling ever worse than you were before.
You took a deep breath before entering the room, the smell of alcohol replacing the bitter one of cigarettes and Heeseung’s wood cologne.
You tried to enjoy your night but you couldn’t really, your mind always drifting to the bane of your existence who wore an under-washed leather jacket and always had a cigarette between his lips.
So called devil had the audacity to show his face again when you were already at home, after fixing all the mess your guests had made— which was huge and took you the whole night. Birds chirped outside, signalling it was already early morning and you couldn’t wait to just fall asleep in your bed.
You heard the overly familiar sound of your bedroom window opening and closing right away, signalling the presence of a new person inside your apartment.
You had just removed your heels and stood in the middle of the room, in front of Heeseung’s tall figure. His demeanour was a little more dishevelled and messy than it had been a few hours before; but you could still smell the odour of cigarettes on him. He saw the unamused look on your face and smirked before walking closer to you.
Heeseung grabbed your waist and kissed you, "Stop sulking." He mumbled against your lips.
You pushed his chest, obviously not doing any damage to him “Let go.” You said sternly.
He pushed you slightly against the wall, trapping you and leaning closer, "Stop acting like this. You're mad at me all the time. I’m sick and tired of coming home to a pissed off Y/N." He said and kissed you again, more roughly.
You kissed him back with the same passion, your lips crashing together, tongues intertwining.
“Stop making me mad, then.” You mumbled, your fingers grasping his dark hair.
"Everything I do makes you mad." Heeseung murmured and kissed all over your neck, biting down occasionally to leave marks, claiming you, “You’re never satisfied.”
You blindly removed his jacket and let it fall on the ground with a small thud. You clumsily tried to undo the buttons of his shirt, “Cause you never listen.”
Heeseung pushed off his shirt, letting it fall to the floor, "Stop picking fights with me, then." He mumbled, his lips trailing down from your neck to your chest as your palms wandered around his bare torso.
You let out head fall back on the wall, the rough touch of his lips on your skin sending butterflies in your stomach “Can’t.” You answered.
He gripped onto your thighs and lifted you up, making you straddle him. He moved your face to look at him, "Look at me."
You wrapped your arms around his neck to keep yourself from falling and looked into his eyes as he demanded.
His pupils were dilated from the tobacco and probably some other things you were too afraid to ask; still, they were beautiful.
Heeseung leaned forward to kiss you again, biting down on your bottom lip, both of you moaning when you tasted blood "Say my name." He mumbled against your lips.
“Heeseung,” You breathed out, moving your hips on the evident bulge you felt underneath your clothed core.
Heeseung carried you to the bed, laying you down underneath him, his lips still on yours, "Tell who you belong to.” His voice became almost commanding.
His figure hovered on yours, like a shadow covering all the light from your life— you were almost hypnotised by his deadly beauty “You, Hee.”
Heeseung lifted up your dress over your hips and looked up at you with a smirk, "That’s what I thought." He mumbled and left kisses along the lace of your underwear.
You let out a soft hum as his plump lips trailed kisses on your sensitive and burning skin. Your hand went against to grasp the back of his head, “I’m still m-mad at you.”
Your voice intended to sound threatening but it only came out as shaky and weak.
Heeseung pulled off your underwear and tossed it to the side, going back to leaving bite marks on your inner thighs, "Show me how mad you are, baby.” He mumbled against your skin, sending vibrations through your whole body.
He left a few bites in the same spots, marking them as his before he reached up and held your jaw, "Don’t pull me away." He said and leaned down to kiss you once again.
As easy as said if it wasn’t for his fingers that snuck to inside of you without you even realising until he started curling them to brush against your sensitive spot.
You gasped for air, but when you did he stopped moving his fingers. You knew he wanted to tease, drive you insane and make you beg— But who were you to disobey?
Heeseung held your chin in his grasp “Don’t fucking pull away.” He demanded again and pulled you into a make out session.
His fingers brushed against your gummy walls, at full speed without even leaving you time to adjust to the new intrusion.
Your mouth fell agape at the funny sensation building inside you and Heeseung took the opportunity to slide his tongue into your mouth, moaning lowly when it met yours.
He reached down to unzip his jeans, "Can’t wait to make you forget all of the things I did." He mumbled against your lips.
Heeseung was quick to discard his jeans on the floor, somewhere unknown.
He leaned back, sitting on his knees. He grabbed your waist and positioned you in front of him, "You look so pretty like this, Y/N" He mumbled, staring down at you in only your bra and dress on top of your thighs.
You glanced back at him, your eyes hooded and full of lust. He removed his fingers from inside of you and he smirked at the sight of your face,
"You can't hide how bad you want me…” His hand trailing up your thighs and over your hips before reaching up to undo your bra.
He wrapped your underwear around your mouth, forcing you to keep silent and allowing him to use you the way he wanted.
Heeseung leaned down and looked at you, "Be quiet and pretty like you were made for.”
You let out a hum that felt more like a whimper, your slick pooling your thighs. Heeseung smirked satisfactorily and put two fingers back inside of you, rubbing your g-spot that he knew so well, making you muffle moan.
You tried to grip his arm when you felt the same funny sensation building inside your stomach but Heeseung never haltered his movements until you squirted all over the sheets and his abdomen.
Your body shook with overstimulation when his fingers kept thrusting inside your pussy, Heeseung cooed “Already? We haven’t even started.”
You shook your head, your eyes squeezing, whimpers leaving your mouths as if to beg him to stop.
Heeseung took your chin in his hands, his fingers digging inside your cheeks. He raised a brow and removed your bra from your mouth, throwing it to the side “Need that warm mouth around my cock, mh?”
With you still laying underneath him, he crawled until his clothed bulge was hovering on your face. You quickly complied and lowered his boxers, palming his hard tip, already leaking precum.
Heeseung wasted no time and fisted your hair, taking control of your head “Open your mouth.” He demanded and again, you gave him what he wanted.
As soon as you opened your mouth he bucked his hips, making you gag on his thick length.
Your gags only made him want to hear more, so he kept thrusting his hips, hitting the back of your throat “Fuck, feels so good.”
The warmth of your mouth hugging his cock and the drool dripping down your chin almost made him cum right away, so he had to slow down, making slow but deep thrusts.
You held his hips and started bobbing your head, hooling your cheeks, Heeseung chuckled at your devotion “Such a good girl for me, trained you to please me so well.”
You hummed, his cock vibrating in your mouth, making his head fall back.
He let go of your hair and thrusted a few more times, just enough to make you gag again before pulling out. You let out a deep breath, your whole chin and chest coated with drool.
He glanced down at you, looking just like the erotic dreams he had when he was a teenager, all messed up by him.
Heeseung bent down to kiss you, pulling you into a quick make out session. He then quickly discarded his boxers as well and moved back between your legs, spreading your thighs apart.
The cold air hitting your pussy made you clench around nothing “Oh baby, I’ll ruin you so bad.” He mumbled, licking a long strip from your wet pussy.
“Heeseung,” You gasped out, “Please.”
He shook his head “What did we say about words? You need to use them, come on, be a good girl and say what you want.”
“Please Hee…” You whined when his fingers brushed against your clit “Fuck me, Fuck me hard.”
Heeseung bit down his bottom lip and let out a mocking scowl “This slut can’t think without a cock to stretch her out?” He caressed your cheek, ever so tenderly before grasping your face, “You remember the safe word?”
Even in your hazy state you managed to nod, Heeseung’s eyes were dead serious. Despite his twisted desires, he would never accidentally hurt you during sex, or worse.
“Good, because I won’t hold back.” And with that, he wetted his shaft with your juices, pumping it a few times before entering you with a deep thrust.
You swallowed him whole as he bottomed out already, grasping the sheets underneath you at the sudden stretch, so good yet so painful.
You let out a small whimper, “Shh,” He cooed, fisting your hair to raise your head, making you look at where your bodies connected “Watch me stretch this pussy out.”
His thick length moved back and forth, appearing just to disappear back into you, the shadow of his bulge showing on your stomach, making both of you moan.
“Fuck baby, you feel so good around me.” Heeseung breathed out, letting go of your hair to cup your breasts, squeezing them.
His fingers played with your nipples, making you clench around him, your walls squeezing back around his cock.
“So sensitive?” He scowled, bending down to lick your tits as his thrusts reached a delicious rhythm, not too slow but not also too hard.
His scent mixing with sweat and your own sheets’ one was enough to drive you insane, your thoughts getting cloudy and you dropped your head back on the mattress.
Heeseung raised himself up and looked at your body, laid down so pretty underneath him. His gaze went to the dress still around your hips, “Wearing that dress at a party, you knew you’d make me mad, right?”
You shook your head, not even having the slightest energy to speak with the way his cock kept hitting your cervix, his movements becoming even more intense “All those men at the party were eye fucking you,” He groaned at his own statement, his eyes so dark, “Wanted to claim you, take you right there on the fucking gift table,” He slapped your breast “Showing them who you belong to.”
Your eyes were half lidded as you tried to open them “Only w-want you.” You replied, another moan escaping you with one particular deep thrust.
“You better,” His fingers trailed your jawline, his touch tender unlike what you were doing “Only I can fuck you like you want, treat you right, mh?”
You nodded again at his words, your hands grasping his shoulders to keep yourself steady “And you don’t want to know what’d happen if you ever let another man look in your direction.”
He tilted his head back gritting his teeth with a hiss. Your gaze was now on him as he stared back down at you with lustful satisfaction “You’re mine.”
The same sweet feeling built inside your stomach, making your eyes squeeze “Heeseung,” You breathed out.
“Want to cum?” He tsked, one hand going down to your clit to rub it as the other held your leg on his shoulder, “Cum, yes.” You managed to mumble.
Heeseung’s thrusts got deeper, faster, almost maniacally as you fell apart under him, your cum coating his dick.
You’d think he would at least slow his movements, helping you ride out of your orgasm but it was Heeseung you were talking about, and he kept rutting inside you, gripping your hips to help himself.
You tried to make him stop, weakly pushing his chest away. He took your wrists, yanking them away from his chest and holding them on the mattress, pinning you down “Fucking take what I give you.”
You were a whimpering mess, overstimulation making your body quiver underneath him, if it wasn’t for his strong grip you’d be all around the bed “Hee…” You managed to breathe out.
“Sh,” Heseeung ordered, letting go of your wrists to wrap one hand around your neck, squeezing it. The loss of oxygen made your eyes roll back, laying there for him to use, to own.
After a while, he got bored of missionary so he let go of your neck and turned you around, your ass up.
He spanked it, making you moan out at the pain. He inserted himself inside you again and gripped your hips, rutting his cock.
“T-too much.” You cried out, biting down the sheets, the pleasure being too much for your body.
“It’s not.” Heeseung said back, spanking your ass again before reaching for your head, holding it down on the mattress. The position was uncomfortable and you’d surely wake up with a sore neck the next day, but the thought of Heeseung using you for his own pleasure, fucking you like a flesh light.
“Take my fucking dick, baby.” You knew he was close when his breath got heavier, sweat dripping down from his neck to your back “You’re squeezing it so tight.”
He let go of your head and held you up, supporting your body weight so that your back was pressed against his chest, one hand grasping your tit as the other circled your sensitive bud.
You were a moaning mess, tears staining your cheeks and ruining the mascara you had put on.
Heeseung gave one final deep thrust before cumming inside you, his length twitching, load filling you up and at the same time the knot in your stomach snapped, making you cum for the second time of the night.
Heeseung kept pounding, slowly and deeply, fucking his cum back into you, kissing the neck he had marked before.
Both your breaths were heavy, and as he pulled out, you fell on the mattress right away, all your forces leaving your body.
You turned around, laying on your back. You felt the mix of your cum dripping down on your thighs and mattress but you didn’t even care— not at that moment.
Your eyes were so heavy, both from the lack of sleep and the draining sensation coming after sex.
Heeseung placed one pillow under your head and caressed your cheek with his thumb.
You thought you heard a faint “Happy birthday, love.” With a featherlight kiss on your forehead, but you weren’t sure if it was a dream or reality. What you were sure, though, was that when you opened your eyes again the only thing left of Heeseung was the smell of cigarettes and wood.
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asheloop · 2 days
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Party wasn't that boring after all
Warnings: +18 content, NSFW, oral m receiving, virgin!rindou, fem!reader, alcohol use, Tenjiku!Rindou
Synopsis: From being bored at a party to giving Rindou his first head.
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It was almost 1.00 am.
The party was getting kinda boring, and so was I.
Some people were sitting and drinking, others were dancing in the middle of the room, and I saw some couples desperately kissing down the hallways.
I don't even know why I came here in the first place. That happens when i do what my friend says: "It's gonna be fun," she told me. Sure, she is having a lot of fun with that guy in some room of the house. It was obvious that she came here because of him, and now I was here all alone waiting for her to finish so we could go back home.
"What is this? a funeral?" said a blonde girl. It looks like she wasn't enjoying the party, neither.
"Yeah, what if we play something?" says other girl from the other side of the room.
"I like that idea. What about 'I never have I ever'?"
A bunch of people agrees with her. Well, at least I can do more than standing in a corner with a beer in my hand, wishing I was asleep in my comfy bed.
I sit between two already too drunk guys.
"Hey Rindou, come join us," the same blonde said to the guy sitting on the couch with his phone in one hand and a drink on the other. He was new in town, we have to include him.
He, with no desire to play, joins the round and sits right in front of me.
"Okay, everyone knows the game, but i'm gonna repeat the rules in case anybody doesn't. So, someone says something they have or have never done before, and anyone who has done it must drink."
"Well, who starts?" asks some guy.
There was a silence for a few seconds until a brave man said, "Ok, i'll go first."
Everyone stares at him with curiosity. "I never have I ever kissed with tongue."
You have to be kidding.
I lift my can of beer and bring it to my lips, looking at the rest of the players, everyone drinks, even that boy Rindou.
Some complained about the fact that it was an easy question.
Now is the blonde girl's turn. "I never have I ever got catched masturbating."
I remember that time when I was in my room, discovering my body, I thought I was home alone but then my mom opens the door, asking some stupid question I don't even remember, and see me with my hand between my thighs and my panties down at my knees, god I wish I could erase that memory from my mind.
Ashamed, I take another sip.
I feel an intense look on me, I look for it, and I find it's Rindou's, I hold his gaze until he looks away.
It's the turn of the guy sitting next to her. "I never have a I ever been arrested."
No one moves a muscle till a sigh is heard, and the blonde with galsses takes a short sip.
I'm a little surprised. I wasn't expecting it from the new guy.
An awkward silence is formed, I don't realize I was staring at him until someone called my name. Right, it's my turn.
"Umm, I never have I ever had sex" was the first thing that came to my mind, I heard some laughs at my question, and everybody drank except Rindou.
When he sees that everyone in the round drank, he does it as well, hesitating and thinking nobody noticed, oh but I did.
The game keeps going a couple of rounds. When we got bored, the host of the party turned up the music and the people went back to dancing a lot more drunk than before.
I stand up and make my way to the bathroom so I can retouch my makeup and get away from all the noise.
When I arrived, I knocked on the door, which was closed.
"Coming," says a deep voice from the other side.
A few minutes pass by, and then the door opens.
"Well, hi," I greet him with a smile on my face.
I would lie if I said I didn't find him attractive.
"Hi," he says, showing no emotion.
"So... you've been in jail?" was the first thing that crossed to mind, and I immediately regret asking when I see his face. He rolls his eyes, not wanting to talk about it, I get it.
"My name is y/n."
"I know," said in the same tone as before.
"I noticed you didn't drink with the sex question." Let's be honest. The fact that he was a virgin surprised me as much as it turned me on.
The light was too low, but I could still see his cheeks turning red.
"So? Where are you going with this?" he adjusted his glasses, nervous. "Wanna make fun of me or something?"
"No~, I was just wondering if you wanted to change that" straight to the point, no turns.
"W-what?" he says a little confused. Cute.
"Oh, come on, I've seen the way you were looking at me down there"
He falls silent, shocked. I get closer slowly.
Every step I take forward, he takes it backward. That's how we end up inside the bathroom. He stops when his hips bumped into the vanity. I get a little bit closer, just to make him more nervous.
"Can I kiss you?" I asked, consent first.
"Yes, please" he says. And I do as a said, with one hand I grab him by his jawline and the other goes to his hip. I approached to kiss him, and he lowered his head. The kiss starts sloppy and lazy. To warm him up, I grab his hands and guide them to my waist. He moans in the middle of the kiss, and I smile. He tightened me against his firm and tense body. I can feel his hard on pressing against my abdomen.
As time passes, he kisses me with more excitement. The kiss becomes passionate and wet. His tongue comes into play, asking for permission to enter in my mouth, which I consent, parting my lips so his tongue could find mine. I wrap my arms around his neck.
After a few minutes, I pull away. He doesn't want for the kiss to end and follows my lips still with his eyes closed.
I let out a soft laugh. That's when he opens his eyes with dilated pupils that I can see through his glasses.
I run my hand over his abdomen, up his chest, and grab his shoulders. I come closer and get on my tiptoes so my lips brush against his ear.
"Have you ever got head before?" I asked him, and I could swear I felt his dick throb.
Rindou just shakes his head with half-opened mouth a his eyes full with lust.
"You want to?"
"Uh-huh" he nods anxious.
I lick his earlobe, move to his neck where I left a soft kiss and he flinched. Rindou's breath quickened.
I get on my knees without breaking eye contact. Without wasting time, I unzip his pants and then pull them down to his ankles.
I rub his cock through his boxers and after that I take it out.
"Oh god," I sigh. "So big," I say to myself. Measures almost 8 inches.
I grab his dick with my hand that looks so small around it. Slowly, I go up and down his shaft with my fist.
"F-fuck, I'm s-sensitive," he says, nearly crying.
I bring my lips to his dick, going slow, I give a long lick from the base, not missing any pulsating vein, to the reddened tip, which I suck on it hard. I lift my gaze, looking at him in the eyes. He can barely keep them open.
"D-dont look at me like that."
I start to rub my clit through my panties, I could feel my arousal drenching them.
Could taste his precum on my tongue, I feel he is about to cum and I go faster on him.
"S-stop stop stop," he pushes me away.
"No~ please let me finish," I say with doe eyes, wanting him to cum in my mouth.
"Fuck it" he surprises me when he grabs my head with both hands and puts me back to work. Pushing his hips at a feral pace that I have to hold my breath so I won't choke.
"O-oh f-fuck, you're so good to me," he moans loud. I have to grab on his thighs, feeling a little dizzy.
"S-shit I'm gonna cum, gonna cum, gonna cum" he pushes me away again and I stick my tongue out. He gives a few pumps to his cock with a tight fist on it and let out a deep groan while he cums. I don't waste any drop and swallow all of it, maintaining eye contact.
I smiled at him, and then I opened my mouth to show him I swallowed it all.
"I said stop looking at me like that. Gonna make me hard again."
I go back to my feet and kiss him again desperately.
"Fuck me already."
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Hi~~ hope you enjoyed, doble tap if you liked it, reblog if you want <3
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sarathrwizard · 2 days
Text
Some things were said.
(Made in apology.)
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On a cold rainy night, April and Beth sat on the edge of a rooftop. April crossed her arms and looked away from Beth with an angry expression. Beth looked down at the city lights and the many cars passing by.
April: You know, that was very immature of you to do that. Not only did you insult me directly, but you insulted an entire race doing so!
Beth: It wasn't my fault.
April: It wasn't your fault!?! What the Heck!
Beth: If no one complained about it in the first place, none of this would have happened!
April: None of this would have happened if you had got it right in the first place!
Beth: Are you accusing me of being racist too?!
April: What do you want me to think after you made that photo of me?!
Beth: It's just a picture!
April: YOU TURNED MY SKIN THE LITERAL COLOR BLACK!!!
Beth: …
April: What were you trying to get across with that? What even prompted you to go that far?
Beth: People said I made your skin too light in my comic. They kept going on and on even after I said it was an accident! They said, 'Why is April white?' And 'You know, people would enjoy your comic more if you just fix her skin color.'
April: Yeah, then why didn't you just go back and fix the color?
Beth: I already finished them! I didn't want to have to go back and fix the Dumb dumb pages just because some people said it was the wrong color!
April: Oh, I get it now. You're just lazy.
Beth: Lazy?! I Give my all into each page! Each frame in my comic, and you say I'm lazy!?
April: If you can't just go back and fix the skin color, then yes. I do call you lazy.
Beth: …
April: You should have just changed the color and said nothing. You know people are now laughing at what you said in reply, right?
Beth: Which ones specifically?
April: 'May I say, the Devil side of me came out.' And 'Suck it up, butter cup!' Also making excuses that can't be proven, then claiming you're Christian after what you did and said. I'm just going to say this. No one cares if you're Christian or not if you insult people and pull stunts like that.
Beth stands up and raises her arm up.
April: Beth?
She turns to reveal she's holding a blade to her neck. She looks down at April with tears rolling down her face.
April: … Beth? You're…
Beth: What?! A lire!? Heartless?! Racist!?! Is that what you're going to say!!?? You were right! I shouldn't have said ANYTHING! And now I've made EVERYTHING WORSE!
April: Beth! Look at me! This isn't the proper way to handle this-!
Beth: Oh! You think I should cut my wrist open instead! Like how my sister almost died! Or maybe through my 'black heart'! Don't you think everything would be better if I wasn't here?! If I just killed myself!?!
April: Beth! Killing yourself is not the answer! It never is! You should just apologize for what you did, and learn from your mistakes!
Beth lowered the knife. April slowly approached her. Beth stepped back and quickly raised the knife back up to her neck.
April: Beth, no! Lower the knife! Don't throw your life away because of one mistake!
Beth: STAY AWAY!!!
April stepped back and raised her hands.
Beth: … I'm scared, of you! I'm scared they'll hurt me! I'm scared… You'll hurt Me!
April: Beth, I'm not going to hurt you! I'm trying to prevent you from hurting yourself! Please, give me the knife.
Beth held the knife tightly. Suddenly a portal opened up behind her. A hand grabbed Beths wrist and bent her arm away from her neck. Leo appeared from the portal, firmly holding her arm down. His tight grip made her drop the knife. Leo let go of her arm and picked the knife up. Beth fell to the ground.
Leo: Well, that got a little out of hand.
April: Leo, were you spying on us?"
Leo: Nnoooooo?
Beth started sobbing.
Leo: Uhh… Hey, kid? You alright?
Beth: I'm sorry! hic! I'm sorry!! I don't want to be enemies!
Leo: Hey, hey! Kid, it's okay! We all make mistakes sometimes.
Beth continues sobbing. Leo and April sat to the sides of her. Leo rubs Beths shoulder to comfort her. And April puts her hand over her face, not sure what to do anymore.
Beth: April, I'm really really sorry. I was rude and selfish. I didn't care how you or anyone else felt. And when someone told me I was in the wrong, I shoved the blame on something else.
April kept her face away from Beths view.
Beth: I'll take the blame on myself, and I will fix the comic pages.
April placed a hand onto Beths arm and sighed.
April: I won't forgive you for how you handled the situation.
Beth: … I understand.
April: But I'm glad you've recognize your wrongs and apologized. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some thinking to do, alone.
April got up and left. Leaving Beth and Leo alone.
Beth: Leo, Is there any way I can make it up to April??
April: Right now? No. You're gonna have to let this simmer for a while till it cools down a bit.
Beth: Okay.
Part 1 of only 1.
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iverna · 3 days
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I've been in a creative slump lately, and I think I finally figured out why, and I want to share because maybe I'm not the only one.
So AI is here. And fandom engagement is wayyy down. And it feels like there are a dozen different ways that you're devalued as an artist/writer/any kind of creative person who makes and shares stuff. I've seen people talk about the lack of engagement and positive feedback, and that's definitely a trend as well and doesn't help. But there's something else at work as well.
I thought I was just burned out, maybe a little depressed, but I actually do have creative energy. I do stuff all the time. I'm full of ideas. It's only when it comes to fanart and fanfic and basically anything I'd share online that I sit down to do it and immediately want to give up and fall asleep.
I think I finally know why. What happens is, I make a thing, I share a thing... and it's met not with hate, or silence, but with demands for more. Every fic writer has probably run into this, the comments that just say "more please" or "when will you update". We all hate it. It makes you want to never update again. But when it's only the occasional comment, you shrug it off, maybe complain to your friends, done.
But I feel like it happens way more nowadays. It's a general shift in attitude. People do it with everything now. I like this thing, give me more of it. And I kind of get it, but also, I don't. Not to the extent it's happening at the moment.
The textbook example for me is still Rogue One. People loved it... and demanded a sequel. For Rogue One. A movie in which every single main character dies at the end, and which leads literally directly into A New Hope. What would a sequel even be about? The five minutes Leia spent running from Vader? It makes zero sense. The sequel to Rogue One already exists, it's called A New Hope and it came out over forty years ago.
But they didn't think about that. They didn't give a moment's thought to what a sequel could be, they just wanted more.
And as the person who made it, that reaction tells me a) you didn't pay a single ounce of attention to what I made because you're asking for something that makes no sense and b) nothing I make is or will ever be enough. The reaction is always "make more".
And that is just demotivating as hell. If nothing I do is ever enough, why even try? I might as well give up. If posting something means I'll have people demanding more, it's better I don't post anything. There's also, I think, a part of me that has her arms crossed and is refusing to make any more stuff for those people. But that's a small part of it. Most of it is honestly just an overwhelming feeling of wanting to give up. Which explains why it feels so much like depression.
So we've got this environment where people just demand more and can never get enough, and don't even really appreciate what they have because they're too busy demanding the next new thing. And it's not flat-out hate, I know some people will even insist it's a positive - after all, would I ask for more if I didn't like the thing? - and that's what's made it so hard to notice what's happening. It's like the attitude just sneaks into your brain and poisons you from the inside.
So I think this how I got to where I'm at currently. I hate it here. I hate sitting down to draw or write and immediately going "meh". I'm going to work out getting out of it. I can't change people, so I'll have to find a better way to deal with the situation, a way to keep it from doing this to me. I don't know how yet, but that's the next step.
I just wanted to share to see if it resonates with anyone, if anyone else feels like this? I only started figuring it out yesterday when it sort of hit me, so maybe it doesn't entirely make sense yet, but yeah. That's where I'm at.
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psiroller · 1 day
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Stop Smoking, We Love You
I wrote a little thing based on @unkat's chilaios EMS AU, which has consumed my little pea brain. you don't need a whole lot of context though. 1k words, cw mentions of medical trauma, smoking, drugs. title comes from the car seat headrest song which makes me misty eyed thinking about my stupid boys.
Chilchuck relished the icy cold breeze on his sweaty face as he burst out into the rear parking lot of the hospital, the one for the employees that visitors still park in. He patted himself down until the sharp corner of a fresh pack of Newports hit his palm, and he remembered he’d been trying to use the inside pockets after he’d accidentally dropped a pack during a call and wasted thirteen bucks and tax before he’d even opened the damn thing. He was fortunate enough to have remembered his lighter, too; Senshi’s visiting family this weekend and he has no one else to bum a light from. He’d gotten in trouble the last time he asked a patient out of desperation.
He flicked his zippo and lit it in one smooth motion, a party trick that had long worn out its novelty and was just about to put it to the menthol-cool cigarette between his lips when two large hands entered his vision. One clapped the zippo shut and the other pinched the cig by the filter, tugging both out of Chilchuck’s grip.
“Yoink.”
“You mother fucker—”
Laios laughed as Chilchuck lunged after the precious nicotine clutched in his big hands, held just out of reach.
“This doesn’t look like twenty feet to me,” Laios grinned.
“I was going to hold it in until I reached the grass, fuck off, alright?”
“Then you won’t mind if I walk with you?”
Laios returned what he’d taken, and Chilchuck snatched it back. “Fine, fine, whatever. Come freeze your ass off with me.”
They crossed the parking lot, stepping carefully across black ice and hopping the curb to stand in the grass, a foot beyond the premises. Chilchuck made pointed eye contact with Laios as he stuck the cigarette between his lips and flicked the lighter open and shut, taking a long drag. He debated breathing it in Laios’ face, but decided to turn away. He blew a thin plume of smoke that caught on the brisk wind and whipped away. “Happy?”
“Not exactly,” Laios admitted. “You shouldn’t smoke, Chil.”
Chilchuck scowled. “Oh, here we go… listen, it’s my right to poison my body however I want. Just look at our patients.”
Laios fought a grim laugh and failed. “Hey, you asked.”
“What’s it matter to you anyway?” Chilchuck asked, slurred around the filter. He took another long drag and tapped out the ash into the frozen grass.
“As a medical professional, I prefer not to watch people die.”
Chilchuck released the smoke through his nose, rolling his eyes. “Preference doesn’t matter much to us, does it?”
“I guess not.”
Another long drag. He’d somehow blasted half the cigarette already. “You sound like my youngest,” Chilchuck breathed, with a fondly exasperated smile. Laios shifted around, his cheeks going pink in the cold. “She’s in the middle of some kind of health course and it’s got her all freaked out. ‘Daddy, don’t smoke those, they’ve got rat poison in ‘em!’” Chilchuck said, affecting a raspy falsetto. “It was kinda cute, but she was pretty upset,” he sighed. “She was crying. Must be a pretty heavy-handed program.”
“I had that growing up,” Laios said. "They had a cop come in and everything. Showed us pictures of tracheotomies.”
“Is that what they’re doing?” Chilchuck hissed. “She’s nine! She’s too young for that shit. I’m gonna complain to the PTA.”
“Hey, it kept me off. Do you want her on it?”
Chilchuck’s mouth drew into a long, thin line. “I guess not.”
They stood there, Chilchuck smoking, Laios doing fuck all with his hands in his pockets. Chilchuck wondered why he was out here at all if he hated cigarettes and smoking so much. It was biting cold, blustery, damp. It was a holiday weekend and there was only a matter of time before they got another Narcan call, he could be catching a nap before rush hour, but he was here.
“Does it help?” Laios asked. “With the stress, I mean.”
“Gives me an excuse to step out,” Chilchuck shrugged. “Gives me something to look forward to. Gives me a reason to breathe in and out for a few minutes that isn’t that dippy yoga shit.”
“Have you ever done it? That dippy yoga shit?”
“Hell no.”
“You want to try it? I can show you a few poses.”
Chilchuck choked on smoke, something he hadn’t done in twenty years. “You? Yoga?” The ass definition suddenly made a lot of sense.
“I don’t take classes, but you can learn a lot from YouTube videos.”
“Hm.” It had been the class aspect that turned him off the most. It felt somehow more embarrassing than just rocking up to the gym at three in the morning and dissociating on the treadmill for a few hours. “I’ll think about it.”
“I think it’d be fun,” Laios said, and Chilchuck almost believed him. “And it’s helped me, you know. After rough calls.”
Chilchuck sucked down the last of his cigarette and blew it upwards, a brief break in the wind allowing it to coil in upon itself in midair, minute particles glittering in the warm, flickering glow of the light post and simmering down in his lungs. He leaned down to smash the smoldering filter into the curb, putting the butt in his junk pocket to avoid being further nagged.
“Alright,” Chilchuck relented. “Why the hell not?”
Laios beamed at him. Chilchuck could think of a thousand reasons against meeting up with his boss to do anything that didn’t involve getting a beer, but looking at that self-satisfied grin gave him one very good reason in his favor. “It’s a date.”
“No it’s not!” Chilchuck squawked. Laios skipped away. Skipped. “It’s not a date, Laios!”
“See you then!”
“Nice HR violation!” Chilchuck screamed. “Mother fucker.” He muttered to himself, tapping his pack angrily against his palm and flipping up a lid for one more, just to spite him, and looked down at the neat rows of little paper cylinders, pristine and fresh.
Chilchuck crammed the box back into his pocket and trudged inside.  
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erikahenningsen · 12 hours
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Regina visiting Janis at work
If Janis gets fired from this job, it will not be because she is bad at selling moderately priced soaps. She's actually not bad at it, although all her job really consists of is ringing people up and restocking the shelves.
No, if she gets fired, it will be Regina's fault. Every time she walks in the store, Janis knows that this day could be her last.
Like today: Regina plunks a jar of hand cream on the counter in front of Janis and complains, "This smells bad."
"Then don't buy it," Janis tells her, making a notation on her inventory clipboard. She takes the jar and sets it aside, knowing Regina won't put it back in the right place, if she puts it back at all.
"Who would want their hands to smell like spearmint?" Regina asks, wrinkling her nose.
"People who aren't you."
"It's gross," Regina says. "I don't know how this store stays in business."
"We carry a variety of scents for a variety of people," Janis recites tiredly.
Regina leans against the counter and sighs dramatically. She does look very pretty today, wearing a shirt with a plunging neckline—coupled with the way Regina is leaning over the counter, Janis momentarily forgets the difference between hand cream and hand soap.
"Can I help you with something?" Janis asks exasperatedly. "Because I really need to get this done."
"I'm bored," Regina whines.
Janis gestures to the exit of the store, which leads into the mall. "Then go to one of the many other establishments."
Regina touches the inside of Janis's wrist, right over her pulse point. "But you're here," she says, managing to make it sound more like a complaint than an endearment.
Nevertheless, it makes Janis's chest warm that Regina wants to spend time with her, even if she doesn't particularly want to be doing it here—that Regina will endure apparently offensive odors just to hang out with Janis.
"Um, excuse me?"
Janis looks up to see a lady around her mom's age. "Hi," Janis greets.
The woman slides a piece of paper over the counter along with a tube of body lotion. "I have this coupon," she says.
Janis takes the coupon and looks at it, then frowns. "Sorry, but this expired a couple of weeks ago," she says apologetically. "The promotion is over."
The woman stares at her. "It's expired?" she asks.
"Yes, sorry," Janis apologizes again.
"But I was out of town," the woman says. "I couldn't have gotten here before it expired."
Janis sighs internally. She has a conversation like this every time the store does some kind of promotion or sale. "Unfortunately I can't accept it," she says, as firmly as she can.
"But—"
"She said no," Regina cuts in, glaring at the lady. "Your inability to read the fine print is your problem."
"Regina!" Janis hisses at the same time the woman says, "Excuse me?"
Regina turns to Janis and widens her eyes, like she has no idea why Janis is scolding her.
"I'm sorry, ma'am," Janis starts, "I—"
"I'd like to speak to your manager," the woman says curtly.
"How do you know I'm not the manager?" Regina says, stepping closer.
Janis grabs her arm, nails digging in warningly. "She is not the manager," Janis says, ignoring the dirty look Regina gives her.
"Janis?"
Janis briefly closes her eyes before turning to see her actual manager.
"What's going on?" he asks, bewildered.
"Banned," Janis says to Regina in a low tone. "You're banned from this store."
"Fine!" Regina huffs. "I didn't need to buy foot cream for my grandma, anyway."
Ten minutes after Regina storms off, while Janis is being lectured by her manager, she receives a text.
Regina George: bored. miss you
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ladysroom-zaza · 2 days
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Seulgi loses a bet and has to answer the door completely naked to the delivery person and offer themselves as a "tip".
You hated working as delivery girl the Friday night, it was just this endless repetition of "take the pizza from the shop, arrive to the building, deliver the food, repeat". You groaned, completely bored, while coming out from the elevator. You walked till the right door and you knocked, waiting for someone to open you.
On the other side of the door Seulgi was destroying her lip for how strong she was biting it. Stupid games night, she hated those. Why did she even accept such a risky bet in first place? Well, it was too late to complain, her fate was knocking on the door.
When the door was opened, you couldn't believe your own eyes: one of the most gorgeous woman you've ever seen was standing naked in front of you as if it was nothing. "Uhm...ehm...I...", your brain didn't seem interested in helping you at all in that situation.
"You are here to deliver the pizza, right?", Seulgi asked kindly, even if she could clearly see the boxes between your hands. You seemed really cute and she wanted to help you, maybe this bet was not such a bad idea...
"Oh...yes, sorry. The total is 30$", you finally managed to interact with her. She took the boxes and put them aside. "30$ plus tip, right?", she asked in a flirty tone, caressing your hand, while slowly pulling you inside.
"I mean, if you want...", you said in a breath, unable to stop looking at her body. "Yes, I definitely want", she made the first move, kissing you. Her soft lips meeting yours. Being professional was not an option anymore.
You lightly pushed her body against the wall, making her squirm under your touch. "I'm in your hands", she whispered in your ear, and that was actually a funny choice of words because your hands were just moving down till groping her bare ass.
It was so fat and soft that it was a crime to not squeeze it until she moaned. But her ass was not the only place your hands were going to visit: her sweet hole was the next target. They started rubbing around her pussy, caressing her folds.
"You are so wet, aren't you?", you teased her and she could only nod embarassed. Her expression was adorable and expectant, but soon it became a face full of pleasure when you finally moved your fingers inside.
"Ahhh... don't stop", she moaned, pulling your body impossibly close. "Stop? Girl, don't joke", you reassured her in your own way. Now it was your head moving down, going to taste those pink nipples that got your attention since when she opened the door.
Seulgi couldn't believe to what was happening to her: a complete stranger was sucking her tits while fingering her, she was such a slut... and she loved that. You also couldn't believe to your luck: this incredibly hot woman offered for you for no reason and she was already under your thumb.
"Fuck...fuck...ahhh", Seulgi loudly moaned, while releasing her juices all over your hand, before sitting down exhausted. She surely didn't expect to close her for few moments and, opening them again, to be face to pussy with you.
Yeah, because in an instant your work trousers were gone and now it was your turn to feel good. "This will taste even better than pizza", you moked her, while grinding your pussy lips against her mouth lips.
Even if surprised, she immediately started to use your tongue to exchange the favor. Her tongue was moving from left to right, up and down, inside and outside. This naked woman didn't stop to surprise you.
The way her grip was so firm on your ass, her face was glued to your cunt, eating you as if she was starving. She didn't let you even when you was spasming and covering her face with your juices, she instead licked you down until you were clean.
"Should we...go for another round?, you asked, panting. "...please yes", she shyly accepted your proposal. Few moments later you both were again slurping each other pussy, in the 69 position. That entrance hall was a mess of moans and wet sounds.
Seulgi tongue movements were clean and precise, knowing exactly how to use it to make you have another orgasm. On the other hand, you were so chaotic and messy, but despite that you were doing extremely well, judging by how much her legs were trembling.
At the end you were just eating the pizza she ordered on the floor, next to each other, still naked. The fact that even while eating you couldn't stop kissing each other was a good signal, it was not going to be one time only. Too bad for the four girls waiting for their food in the living room for an hour and that heard everything.
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strawberrycarat · 3 days
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CCXP Mexico - Omelete Stage HOTD
So, I've seen a lot of people complaining about the Omelete stage yesterday... and I, honestly, as a Mexican, I agree. There was someone else saying some pro-things to it, and I do agree in some points, but I disagree in others.
First of all, you must know that yes, Mexicans are a more effusive public, so I was kind of surprised they all behave well (trust me, we can be more chaotic). I think the problem was the hosts and the event arrangements.
We're not as punctual as we should, in any event, honestly. Usually we know that if something is set to, I don't know, 10am, it usually starts 10:30 or something. So I wasn't surprised they started late. What did surprised me was the chaos during the interview (yes, it is a more informal stage, but that doesn't mean the host should be less professional - I didn't see the same problem in Brasil, for example, and it was a shock to see two of the hosts were the same that last year). Some of the questions, to my own personal taste, were meaningless (like the same boring questions the actors have already answer a lot - brasil CCXP included - like which team are you, etc.). Some questions were alright (like the one of the makeup/hair, etc.), but it did seem unconfortable for the actors in some points of the interview - like telling Ewan many girls would like him to stay in their houses - there was something similar in Brasil, but I think it was better managed. —Also, I felt like the girls-hosts were competing for attention? I don't know - the men seemed a bit ignored—...
Now, I do disagree in a point someone said before. It doesn't matter if we're in Mexico, there are host that can speak perfect English and that don't have the problem of the language barrier. I think they needed to choose better hosting and I don't know if it was a good choice to have so many hosts (4 was too much - I think 1 or 2 that knew how to handle the interview and the audience should've been a wise choice - specially since they were 4 cast members - and I think for the time they didn't gave the actors a lot of time - which is a shame since they travelled all the way here). One of the host asked the questions of the teams and after Tom, I saw Ewan taking his mic, but one of the hosts started to talk and she didn't let him finish).
I'm not surprised Ewan's ear-thing failed, but I think he did handled so well and he seemed so polite to the technician that went to change it in the middle of the interview.
Another thing that was con: it was on Sunday and the CCXP announced the actors one week before the event. Mexico is a huge country and to make that travel in such a short notice is hard to do (money, arrangements for an hotel, etc). And, even if there were a lot of people from other States going to the CCXP, they probably left for their homes on Sunday because Monday is a work-day. So I think that's why it was more empty than other days.
Oh, and the arrangements. I think they did have a better arrangement in Brasil. Here, the actors had to run from one stage to another (the omelet thing was at 5:15 and the other stage at 6:00 - and since the first one started super late...). I think it would've been better if they had the omelet stage before (or even on Saturday) to have all the fans concentrating in one of them and not choosing one.
Also, the thunder stage seemed more professional - there was one host who seemed to concentrate in more elaborate questions and the mariachi at the end - genius!
I really hope this doesn't discourage the actors from coming again. I think, since it was the first time with the CCXP it was meant to have many errors, but in general I think it was a good event. I just think they could've do better with the HOTD cast - it was a shame. The actors were sweethearts, though, and I am glad they liked Mexico - I can't wait to see all the other interviews they did !
Anyway, it was MY opinion, as a Mexican who wasn't able to go (again - time, money and work didn't allowed me), but who was refreshing all the time to see every detail of the event.
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bisupergirl · 6 months
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"supergirl is SO poorly explored in comics i can't believe there hasn't been a SINGLE writer who has acknowledged how traumatizing her origin is!!! i need dc to put out a story where *describes something that's been written at least a dozen times*"
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daz4i · 3 months
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how and why is there discourse about whether or not certain queer identities exist/if people should be allowed(???) to use them. why is "people know their own identity better than you ever could, and they're the only one who get a say on what they are" such a tough concept to grasp
i think if you find yourself offended by the label someone uses (especially if they're a stranger) or think it invalidates your own, it's a good idea to look inside yourself and question why that may be. more often than not, it's a result of insecurity or uncertainty of your own identity (or many other things, but i won't make a whole list here). whatever reason it is, until you resolve it, you shouldn't take it out on people for having an identity you don't understand
many have said it before but it's worth saying over and over. infighting only helps our oppressors. conservatives don't care if you're a cis gay or a xenogender aegosexual aplatonic lesbian, they hate all of us either way. trying to fit in by going for people who are easier targets for them isn't gonna help you, it'll just alienate you from your own community, and you're never gonna please them. the momentary rush you get from hearing you're not like "one of /those/ gay people" is not worth it and is gonna do more harm in the long run, i assure you
also, it is important to me to say this, but having some less than nice kneejerk reaction caused by confusion about an identity you don't understand doesn't mean you're a bad person or anything. as long as you aren't mean to that person, and you take a second to think smth along the lines of "wait a minute, this isn't any of my business" after having said reaction, you're good 👍 a lot of reflexive reactions we have to things are ingrained into us simply by. well. living in a society 🤡 and you're not terrible for having those thoughts. it's your actions that matter, and your second thought (the "wait, why did i just think that?") is more defining of your actual character and morals than your reflex. i know that having thoughts like this, even tho they're unwanted, can very easily make one spiral, so it's important to me that whoever needs to hear this knows this doesn't make you a bad person 🙏 you're good, keep taking actions to be good, accept other people even if you don't understand them, and you're on the right track :)
#i considered adding that last part in the tags but i figured it'll be too long for that 😭#i noticed i'm posting a lot of rants lately. sorry. but i do wanna make sure no one's actually feeling bad over them#if i complain about something that you do or call it mean and such. that doesn't make you a bad person#you can always work to change and grow 👍 it's not easy but it starts with smaller steps than you'd expect#and now i just switched to a whole other topic from my original point. oops#i do firmly believe that any discourse about someone's identity is dumb as fuck#seeing it in poll blogs always makes me 😐😬 like how is it any business for any of us. why is this up for debate#if a person says they're queer then they are. they don't need to pass some test or go through initiation to be accepted#if they feel comfortable with a certain word that's awesome. why does it matter to *you* which word they use#'they're only using this microlabel to feel special' so? is there anything wrong with that?#'this label contradicts [insert other identity that falls under the same umbrella]' ok. but does that hurt anyone in any way#a lot of identities can even be self contradictory. does it matter tho? does it affect anyone in any way?#'they might realize that label is wrong later' again. what's the harm in that.#i don't blame anyone for these thoughts bc like. this is how cishets view a lot of the even more common labels#so you're basically taught to think this way from day one. that doesn't mean you need to stick to that thought process#you might have these reflexes forever no matter how hard you try. but you'll get quicker about moving on from them#but you do have to try. you do have to realize that other people's identities aren't about you#anyway. this post feels like batting at a hornets nest. really hope i don't get some bad faith readers here lol#(i noticed a lot of places one could apply bad faith but like it's 3:30 am i'm too tired to add this many disclaimer.#so i'm gonna trust you to not jump to conclusions and to approach this in good faith okay? mwah 🖤)#also my whole ramble abt morality (in the tags too) is relevant to. any topic really#i may just make a separate post about it really. .....tomorrow tho.
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thediktatortot · 9 months
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.
#I'm literally never going to own a home of my own#I'm going to live and die in the same house as my parents and I'm never going to have my own space to call my own#to make my own or to spread out and have my own space#People wonder why I don't feel like a fucking adult#and I can tell them plain as day that it's because I live at home with no job and all I do all day is draw read and look at fucking#fictional shit all day#sure I work on the property but so fucking what#I'm still just wasting away at home with no life no friends nothing to do#I dont want to volunteer anywhere because it's only hard labor shit and I cant physically do those things#and the only other volunteer shit around me is church stuff and I will NOT be helping any churches anywhere fucking ever for anyone#idk#I try to meet people and I have nothing to talk about#everyone else seems to be having their own lives with shit going on and multiple social circles and here I am unable to even string togethe#more than two sentences because it usually only takes that long to get to “so what do you do?” and I have to figure out a way to explain#that I'm living at home with no job no friends and no life in a way that doesn't look fucking pathetic as fuck#I'm not well educated so I just fall behind in most conversation#I can't contribute so whats the fucking point#The only people I have to talk to are my parents because what else am I gonna do? I can't keep complaining to you guys all the time#not like it's going to change anything#if anything it will just make people avoid me more for always being a fucking downer all the time#my parents vaguely get my frustration but they can't do anything#not like we have money or connections of any kind so there's no 'setting me up' with other people my age#honestly I just wish the fucking internet would go away#maybe then more people would get out of their houses and go outside and meet people#idk i'm just fucking done with everything#I'm so numb and so tired and so lonely and I don't know what it is I want because every time I meet someone knew it's like I can't get clos#I don't feel ready for a relationship but I also feel like I'm fucking wasting away alone by myself and I really crave closeness#but I'm also not a dating person#I'm not here to waste another 5 years to someone just fucking around#i want a life time relationship
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da-proti-toku-grem · 1 month
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having a week off and having to spend it in a little village where i don't know anyone but my grandma and i have no wifi and almost no signal........
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I'm going to lose my fucking mind
#For context: I was going to make a post complaining about how lesbians don't have enough good musical theater duets#(like we have the love songs from 'The Color Purple' which're alright but doesn't match the passion or desperation present in the book imo#'Changing My Major' which is a great love song but doesn't hit that sweet duet spot#'Dance With You' and the last verse of 'You Happened' from The Prom are sweet but the girls barely get to actually sing about each other#Honestly 'Oh Well' from Love In Hate Nation comes closest to what I want but it ends on a bittersweet note unless you see the show live#If only Elphaba and Glinda were canon...#But anyway. I can't believe that there's an adaptation of The Color Purple coming in the year of our lord 2023 and this is#how they're talking about Shug Avery. Her *role model*. Lock up your *husbands*. Ick. Pfaff.#I mean they're going to be gay. You can't get around that. But Shug is the love of her life. Can we please talk about that in the character#Don't mind me I'm just over here overreacting#From what I've read one of the biggest adaptational changes in the musical is her reaction to Shug's affair.#Like in the book Shug is the one light in her life. I sobbed myself to sleep over her nosedive in self-worth when they took a break#In the musical she's just...fine with it? I get why that's more satisfying emotionally but I still think it undermines their relationship#I don't get the curse thing either. I'm a little fuzzier on this part but in the book doesn't she just leave him and she's able to thrive?#Then when he asks her to get back together she's able to just know that the worst with Shug or alone is better than the best with him?#This book man. I hate that there isn't an adaptation as devoted to the Celie/Shug relationship as the book is.#Hate that the only recommendation I've seen calling it a sapphic book was from someone who thought that Celie's letters were to her lover#I remember watching this steamy adaptation of a Shakespeare play in soph Eng and seething because they only kiss once in the 1985 movie#Ig I can't expect too much from 1985 but...it was in the book! It was one of the most important parts! They don't even live together in it!#This was all to say I wast a lesbian 'Green Green Dress' a lesbian 'Home' a lesbian 'Natasha & Anatole' a lesbian Legally Blonde finale#The list goes on#I'm sure The Color Purple (2023) will be a good adaptation and movie. I will not pop blood vessels while watching it.#Maybe I should just avoid press releases and the movie will surprise me in a good way.
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if there's one thing I hate it's nurses who treat you like a child or an inconvenience when you're in pain despite them insisting you shouldn't be.
no, I can't sit on the side of the bed to eat my soup, sitting up hurts like hell and I don't care that you don't think it does. it does. I know it does because it's my body and I feel the pain, so what the fuck is that about?! I had surgery this morning, there's a wound in my belly button, so it's going to hurt for a bit, I'm not being dramatic or anything!
the weirdest part is that I didn't complain or say anything, I just started sitting up very slowly to eat, and she felt the need to treat me like I'm an idiot for being in pain 🤷
she also rolled her eyes and made an annoyed noise when I showed that I was in pain during and after she gave me the injection to prevent blood clots. lady, I don't know what your problem is but that shit hurts like hell for me, every single time I've gotten it, and it keeps hurting for over an hour. so I'm going to fucking wince a little and you're just gonna have to learn to deal with that without being an asshole.
it's like there's two categories of nurses - the ones that are incredibly sweet and kind and caring, who apologise if something they do hurts and are calm and understanding when you show that you're in pain. and the ones that are completely dismissive and treat you like you're a fucking idiot for every single question, statement or reaction.
#the one who said this has generally been really unfriendly and harsh#the nurse who was here when I came in this morning was SO nice though so I really hope she'll be working tonight or tomorrow morning#and I might complain (a little) about this one when the doctors come in tomorrow morning... or at least mention that she keeps being rude#like. this is the ward for people who just had surgery so how can you be that dismissive and rude about this??#anyway lol I can handle this behaviour now#last time this happened in I think 2019 I had a breakdown after one specific nurse kept treating me exactly like this#sorry but if you're such a huge bitch maybe you shouldn't work with people. especially not patients.#I've vented and now I feel better lol so it's fine now. and I should be going home on Sunday anyway so I won't have to deal with her for#too long#personal#tw medical#tw hospital#oof this just reminded me that the shitty nurse in 2019 actually told me to stop overreacting and being a baby when that stupid injection#hurt me. like??? why?? even if I was the only person who ever experienced pain during that (which I don't think is the case) that still#wouldn't give anyone the right to treat me like that?? over simply making an involuntary sound and shedding a couple tears#it's not like I said anything to her or was angry at her. it's so stupid#at least this time the lovely old lady I'm sharing a room with said after this that she thinks it's surprising that I can even sit up at#all so soon after surgery. that felt nice
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florenceisfalling · 2 years
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like idk. i miss seeing content from s.igne (though i respect gab wholeheartedly). i miss fanart from my favorite artists. i miss older eras of j.se at times (and yes, there were older eras, the way people pretended he Never Changed is just weird). i miss old anti designs. i miss the old fic trends. i miss having a very active fandom (though i am so happy to see the new arrivals) and i miss seeing him interact with fans the way he did on tumblr back in the day. i miss the way i used to interact with some of the blogs here before i decided to fuckin,,, wage holy war and make enemies out of them (joking, but i have seen sides to some of these people that i wish i could tear out of my memory). i miss feeling confident that i could trust the good intentions of people here and even the big man himself (not god. that makes sean sound like god. you know what i mean). i miss when some of you weren't so fucking bitter which is funny because i'm the bitterest bitch alive. idk. i don't think it's bad to miss any of these things because i'm not going to be an ass and act like it's anybody's fault. i'm not going to be bothered by gab for being happy because i'm glad she is happy, and i'm not going to get bothered by sean taking a reasonable step back from this hellsite when people were cruel to him, and i'm not going to get mad at trends for changing because that is how time works. but i do miss things and i know its cringe and parasocial and perhaps even problematic but i hate having to pretend like i never have Any feelings about the past lest i break a hypothetical rule of what is the Normal level of attachment to an online community. okay. i think i'm done now.
#one of my favorite writers left because they couldn't deal anymore and one of my favorite writers turned out to have shit views and one of#my favorite writers left because of something that was partly my fault and one of my favorite writers stopped writing because of two of the#others and one of my favorite writers hurt someone i love over and over and over and one of my favorite writers left because they were the#someone i love. two of the big names hate queer folk that don't align with their ideals and half the artists left for twitter or for dead.#the man himself left because criticism always becomes cruelty and people lie to make themselves feel good.#the editors all turned their accounts private and my favorite told me on livestream that i was good and starting somewhere but then forgot#my name. and i thought maybe i was the bitter one but then i look at some of the other people who have been here so long and wonder why#they even bother anymore because they care more about complaining with everything j.ack does than anyone who actually enjoys his stuff.#and you know i poked fun at *** for a lot of things. some deserved some not. and one of them was the fact that she compared fandom#to warfare. and yes that's still silly i don't think it's a fair comparison but i do know that she wasn't fully wrong.#when you've been here for a long time and ive Been here for a long time you start to get really used to names and faces#and the change can be like waking up to a new wallpaper in your room. not a bad one just a new one.#i don't want to pretend that this fandom is just a silly little hobby for me when lets be honest i know some of yalls personal lives a#little too dearly for that. ive loved people here ive lost people here the first person who showed me this place fucking DIED and i still#lose it sometimes over the fact that he would have loved jameson so much and we couldve been closer friends had he stayed alive a few more#years. so yeah. sorry for being fucking cringy or whatever but there have been times where i've felt like im on a sinking ship watching#everybody else row away and i refuse to go. so like. cool. cool. im glad things are good again but i never really got to process the bad#things.
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supercantaloupe · 1 year
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nah instagram keeps recommending an acct to me whose entire shtick is that our very catholic college is not catholic enough, with such delightful posts as "genuinely comparing being pro choice to racism" and "the secularists are trying to destroy religion on campus by cancelling a guest speaker"
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