#why has my mom always denied viewing my anxiety as anything i shouldn’t just push aside. until it becomes a way to tell me that my physical | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

x-oc-blog-x · 4 years

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Inside Avas’ OCs

I got a questionnaire from mibba.com for my OCs

Oliver Asman

Basic

1. What is your full birth name? Oliver Lee Asman

2. Any nicknames? Oli

3. When were you born/how old are you? June 5. I’m 19

4. If immortal or slow-ageing, what is your apparent age? I’m human soo.

5. Where were you born?

The United States

6. Who were your parents? Cassie and Daniel Asman

7. Do you have any siblings? Yeah. He is 5. His name is Joel.

8. Where do you live now? At jacks house in the US

9. Who do you live with? Jackson Canmore and his mom.

10. Are you right or left-handed?

Left

11. What words/phrases do you regularly use? I definitely say sorry a lot.

12. Name some habits or strange quirks you have? I chew on hoodie strings. And my shirt sometimes. I know it’s gross

Appearance

13. Height: 5’ 7”

14. Weight: 147 pounds

15. Skin Tone: I’m tan

16. Body Shape: normal? I don’t know.

17. Hair: blonde quiff

18. Eyes: blue

19. Face Shape:what does this even mean?

20. Everyday Dress Style:I like to wear black jeans and a t shirt

21. Formal Dress Style:slacks and dress shirt.

22. Any Jewelry? A few bracelets just to fidget with really.

23. Any Scars? Just a few. Ive got some on my thigh. I don’t want to talk about it.

24. Tattoos? No.

Growing Up

25. How would you describe your childhood in general? It was okay. It could have been better. I was kicked out though. There was that.

26. What is your earliest memory?

My mom and dad arguing over money. He hit her.

27. How much schooling have you had? I graduated

28. Did you enjoy school?

Yeah. I got to spend time with friends. And jack

29. Where did you learn most of your skills/abilities?

School

30. Any role models while growing up? Not really until middle school. I really liked the flash. Jack made me watch it.

31. What did you want to be when you grew up?

I actually wanted to be a dinosaur. Then I wanted to be a teacher

32. What was your favourite thing to do? Play with dinosaur toys with jack. And when I grew up a bit I liked to write.

33. Were you popular?

34. Who were your friends?

Jack, Misha, Collin, Rex, Alex, Loni

35. When and who was your first kiss?

My first kiss was a girl named Maddie in 6th grade

Past Influences

36. What do you consider the most important event of your life so far? Moving in with jack when I got kicked out. That really influenced our friendship and helped us get together. And that was life changing.

37. Who has had the most influence on you? Jack.

38. What do you consider is your greatest achievement? Healing from being kicked out and not trying to reach out to my toxic family.

39. What is your greatest regret? Missing so many opportunities because of insecurity.

40. What is the most evil thing you have ever done? I have no idea. I try not to do bad things.

41. Do you have a criminal record of any kind? No

42. When was the time you were the most frightened? When I was kicked out. I was so scared. My dad had me by the hair and was dragging and throwing me.

43. The most embarrassing moment of your life so far? I accidentally submitted one of my writings for an assignment instead of the actual assignment. My teacher was really confused.

44. If you could change one thing from your past, what would it be and why? As much as I loved living with Jack and his mom, I wish I wouldn’t have come out to them. Maybe they would still talk to me.

45. What is your best memory? My first kiss. Jack and I were in the park. And without me even telling him I liked him, we both just kinda kissed.

46. What is your worst memory? Other than being kicked out, Being beat up in the bookstore. I didn’t do anything to them, but because I was holding hands with jack, they put put me in the hospital.

Beliefs and Opinions

47. Are you more optimistic or pessimistic? I try to be an optimist.

48. What is your greatest fear?

Being alone

49. What are your religious views?

I believe in the Christian god. But I never go to church or anything.

50. Political views?

Not conservative.

51. Views on Sex?

Sex is a cool thing. Everyone is different with it, but it’s nice. I like it. I want to go more into detail but I really shouldn’t.

52. In your own opinion, what is the most evil thing someone could do?

Kick out their child for being lgbt+

53. Do you believe in Soul Mates/True love? I do.

54. What do you base success on?

Personal Achievements. I’m successful for finding a healthy relationship and getting out of a toxic situation. Other people are successful for getting past their bad pasts.

55. How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings with yourself?

I try to push my feelings away. I don’t like negative emotions.

56. How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings with others?

I usually tell jack how I feel if I’m depressed because he likes to help.

57. Do you have any biases or prejudices?

Yes.

58. Is there anything you would absolutely refuse to do under any circumstances?

I’m sure there is. But I don’t know what they would be

59. Why would you refuse?

N/a

60. Who or what, if anything, would you die for?

I’d die for jack and his family. I’d die for my friends. Id die for the kids like me who don’t have anyone to go to because they were abandoned for who they are.

61. What do you feel the most passionate about?

Jack.

62. What one act are you most proud of?

Healing from bad things.

63. What one act are you most ashamed of?

Coming out to my parents.

64. Are you a leader or follower?

Follower

Relationships

65. In general, how do you treat people you don’t know well? I try to be nice to everyone.

66. How do you treat people you do know?

With respect.

67. Who do you respect the most and why?

Jack. He is a nice human who has been through bad days. And he is still the best and nicest person I know.

68. Who are your friends?

Misha, collin, Jack, Loni, Alex, and Rex.

69. Who is your best friend?

Jack

70. Ever been in love?

Obviously.

71. Who do you consider family?

Jack, Misha, Collin, Ms. Canmore

72. How close are you to your family?

I don’t talk to them. At all.

73. Who do you turn to in desperate times and why?

Jack. He has always been there for me.

74. Who do you trust to protect you and why? No one should have to protect me. But in the times that I needed it, Jack. Sorry if I keep saying his name for everything. He is everything to me.

75. Who do you despise the most and why?

My dad. He took me by my hair and threw me from our house because of my sexuality.

76. Do you tend to argue or avoid conflict? Avoid. My anxiety doesn’t like to fight.

77. Do you care what others think of you?

Yes.

Sex and Intimacy

78. Do you consider yourself straight, gay, bi, trans or something else?

Pansexual.

79. Do you have a significant other?

Yes.

80. Describe them: kind, smart, sweet, supportive, loving, and everything someone could want.

81. What is the perfect romantic date?

Going to the park and having lunch.

82. Best sexual partner?

Jack is the best. But he is the only person I’ve had sex with.

83. Worst sexual partner?

No one. Jack is the only person I’ve had sex with.

84. Worst thing you’ve done to someone you love?

I don’t know.

Likes and Dislikes

85. What is/are your favourite hobbies/pastimes?

I like to watch tv. And write.

86. What is your most prized possession?

The bracelet jack gave me.

87. Favourite colour?

Green

88. Favourite food?

Pizza

89. Favourite movie? Spider-Man: far from home

90. Favourite TV show?

Glee

91. What, if anything, do you like to read?

I like poems. Rupi Karar especially

92. What style of music do you like?

I like all music. Except country.

93. What is your idea of good entertainment? Books, tv, plays, etc.

94. Do you smoke?

No. It’s gross

95. Drink?

I don’t unless someone offers at like a party or something.

96. Drugs?

Nah.

97. Typical Friday night?

Cuddles with jack.

98. What would be the perfect gift for you?

Roses.

99. Rain or Sun and why? Rain. I like to feel the rain.

100. Day or Night and why?

Day. I like the sunrises and the sense of everyone having something to do in the light.

101. What makes you laugh?

Puns. Jokes.

102. What shocks/offends you?

Anti-lgbt people. People who deny human rights to others.

103. How do you deal with stress? I usually break down and cry.

104. Are you spontaneous, or do you feel you always need a plan?

I prefer plans to ease my anxiety.

105. Any pet peeves?

Nah.

Occupation/Study

106. Do you have a job or are you studying? I stay at home. I don’t do much. I sometime write for commission money.

107. If so, what is it/what course?

Writing.

108. Do you like it?

Yeah.

109. If studying/not working, where does your money come from? It doesn’t really.

110. What is your boss/teacher(s)/agent/publisher ect like? I am my boss that’s pretty cool.

111. What are your co-workers/other students like? Nope.

112. Do you get along with them? Nope.

113. What is something you had to learn that you hated?

Semicolons

114. Do you tend to save or spend your money?

Save

Misc.

115. Describe the routine of a normal day for you:

Wake up. Cuddle. Sometimes work. Eat. Cuddle. Blah blah.

116. What is your greatest strength?

Being able to pick myself up when I’m down

117. Greatest weakness?

Being so emotional

118. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?

I would want to look better. I think I could improve my face.

119. Introvert or Extrovert?

Introvert

120. Organised or messy?

Organized.

121. Three things you’re good at:

Writing, overthinking, and being a friend.

122. Three things you’re bad at:

Rationalizing, talking to strangers, and being alone

123. Do you like yourself?

Kinda

124. What is your life goal?

To be fully happy with who I am.

125. Where do you see yourself in five years?

Hopefully I’m married to jack. Maybe having a baby.

126. If you could choose, how would you want to die? With jack by my side. I don’t want to be alone.

127. Three things you would do with 24 hours left to live? Talk to my family and explain to them some things, tell Joel how important he is to the world, and to have some alone time with jack.

128. What is one thing you’d like to be remembered for after your death? Being a good person

129. Three words to describe your personality?

Awkward, caring, and nice.

130. Three words others use to describe your personality?

Awkward, horny, and fun😂

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linktc5465 · 5 years

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First Post...What to say.

Sitting her Alone in an Apartment can get someone thinking.

Hi, My Name is as it is above. well, nickname actually. i’m based in tucson so things that are relatively random is to give a sort of idea.

I’m Not from Tucson Originally, i moved here from Oakley, California when i was 12 in 19...(Does Math...33-12=21 2019-21=1998) god i hope i got that math right. never was good at math. never was good at anything really... I was raised LDS and had a Mixed Religion household. Moms beliefs were whatever her husband/boyfriend believed unless they believed in the same faith as her, sister still a loyal member. my sisters are either Agnostic, Non-Denominational Christian and Pagan. me i am...I know there’s something out there. just unsure what. i have no Social or Religious beliefs. I believe though that if you need Religion to See yourself as a better person you’re not even worth the dust you stand on and if you would rather use politics to force people to believe what you do you are nothing more than a glorified bully.

i didn’t get out much. however when i was told someone was not to be associated with i was right there associating with them. and while the associated party was just as much trouble as i was told. so i focused on Games, Comics, Movies and i felt at peace. i started Writing Corny little stories, FanFictions, had a few eye-openers when it came down to my personal beliefs.

...Okay honestly i feel like... like i don’t belong here. i mean...I’m Straight. I’m not going to Lie, sometimes, Tumblr is seen as the “Gay Blog Spot“. I don’t find that many things offensive but “The Gay Blogspot?“ Really? Couldn’t think of a better Comparison like “Grab your Fandoms and Join us?“ Like “a Better Melting Pot“ where you won’t be booted out cause you won’t “Assimulate“ to decent Morals? Like Not being a Dick for instance?

No i don’t get offended easily. Probably shouldn’t more but Damn things do piss me off;

When i Was younger i was into All this stuff. I was into Pokemon, Comic books, Hell i knew about the Green Lantern and the Flash before they were on Justice League (Cartoon.) those were my Fandoms. i was picked on because of it.

Sometimes i envy everyone. i envy the Kids today were the Schools can or are taking a Stance against it. where parents are telling their kids “Stop taking shit“ and yet when i was younger it was Teacher: “are you being bullied?”

Me: “Yes.“

Teacher: “are you bullying them?“

Bully: “No.“

Teacher: “you’re both dismissed.“

and he would stay out trouble, Rinse. Repeat.

Dating wasn’t even that Easy for me. my first kiss came along and i was out of The Church and started to believe what i wanted to, Went to the same school she did, and ended up staying all because i didn’t want to go back to school with my sister and deal with the system they had of...basically, Intellects are Separated amoungst each other. (and the school is seen as one of the best charter schools here. huh, go fig.). but i’d get bounced around by the same girl throughout the years, Lied to, played or one who even decided to treat me like i was just something she can have. so my emotions are all freaked out because of that. but... i dunno. the more i felt the deeper i went into my depression and my own hobbies. even now, at 33 with my girlfriend i find myself only saying how i feel when i’m not really wanting to game or even write. yet i can find myself talking to some, Random Stranger who asks me “How are you doing?“. i don’t think it’s hatred, but a lack of Trust.

I trusted My mother, she tried getting me on social security and when i was denied, she lost interest. started looking towards my sisters more and more. leaving me in the dust. Dad treats me how Red Foreman treats eric. i’m not a father but i’m pretty sure that’s not how you treat your kids regardless on WHAT side you’re on. The Last Woman i truly loved ended up Cheating and leaving, only to return MARRIED and knowing i shouldn’t said “what the hell.“. My Girlfriends Mother treated me like her son only to force her to get the law involved into some BS charge. Remember what i said about Depression and me diving Deeper into my hobbies or Fandoms? Yeah. always question why i’m alone yet question why i push people away. why i prefer being alone and yet i have a Girlfriend.

a part of me wonders...if i wasn’t treated this way, if we got the better help needed like we had today would i still be like this? Answer would probably be Yes.

I Don’t like thinking about these things though. Things are different Now. AS a Result my Mom (You remember her, the Woman who Believes whatever her Relationship believes) is someone i no longer talk to. My girlfriend of (Pretty much) 6 years ended up leaving again. i am Working now so i’m no longer relying on wishing i had SSI. I have a place of my own that i hardly ever visit. and i drink more coffee than i should.

but am i Better? No. i mean, My girlfriend got some CBD edibles a while back nd i tried one and thought they would help.

NOPE!

fact they didn’t kick in at all. but they probably didn’t effect me. probably because there’s more Coffee in my system to even make one Leroy Jethro Gibbs go “you’ve had enough.“

hmph...NCIS. you know i watch shows like THAT mainly cause i find them entertaining? how is it i’m not political, and yet, i watch shows like the simpsons, where it got SO political, everytime a new headline comes up, the Simpsons are covering it the Season. Guess its because I find shows like NCIS entertaining. I prefer listening to Old Style Country and Rock. i have my coffee black and believe that a Persons Religious beliefs shouldn’t be forced on others. and that’s pretty much it...Really? Guess i’m just a Little old fashioned. and tired, and a little Ornry. using terms that no one else uses.

god i feel old...pretty much am. 33 years old. 33. 33 years old and a woman who is in her 50′s looks hotter than most of the women either 5 years younger than me or 10 years older than me. you millenials, remember when we were younger and our grandparents would come down Grandma made cookies and dinner despite your parents wishes and your grandpa would help your dad on the car to get away from your mom and Grandma because they started fighting? only to find out there was nothing really wrong with the car to begin with. yeah. now it’s like some guy could cheat on his girlfriend with her grandma, or even her grandpa. Damn seniors look good these days and yet i look in the mirror and i look ugly as all get out :/

And there we go...I’ve always felt Looks don’t really matter. you could be the most handsome or beautiful woman in your group and still be ugly on the inside. or the least bit attractive and still be gentle. or in reverse.

i dunno...

Depression, Social Anxiety, Self-Doubt and a lack of trust for everyone with a hint of personal beliefs make the cluster fuck that is...Me.

people tell me “Show some respect.“ Dude, Respect is Earned. Doesn’t matter of your race, gender identity, sexual orientation, religion or political beliefs we all earn respect the same way and we keep the respect. yeah there’s the given respect but treating people like crap won’t make you gain there respect nor will it earn you theres.

This is the crap i believe :/ and i gotta wonder sometimes if it’s even WORTH believing.

Now, i’m looking around and it’s...i dunno.

Feminsm feels more like attacking men just because their men while the real feminist wanna go “Nuh-uh.“

Bullying is now being dealt with Accordingly

Pokemon go is being liked by everyone.

being a part of a Fandom is now cool but there’s still the Toxic fans who want to ruin it for everyone.

Body positivity is either picking up or Dying out.

Which brings me to This...Why is it that to some women are aren’t attractive by some peoples point of views or societies view looks at others like they’re the uglist thing on the planet. and we Keep Bringing people down. I was heading back to my girlfriends from Work about 3 weeks ago or so, i was walking behind this woman who, okay was attractive by someones standpoints and i was on the phone with my girlfriend, i told her (my girlfriend) “Love you“ and waited for her response where i than proceded to hang up. this woman, looks behind her, to me, and starts walking faster to where she acts as though I’m being creepy and i was gonna do something to her.

1.) she wasn’t my type and

2.) if i were there were cops up at the cross sections (Night time)

and 3. i’m too damn tired to do a damn thing. yet if i thought she was creepy it’d be an entirely different thing.

Why is it we want to be kinder to everyone and yet there are still people who have to Knock a random stranger, who was ONE THE PHONE with his girlfriend and wanted to get home safe and secure, Down.

Can i Just Ask, simple and Calmly What have we Become? has many peoples Charges affected us as people to where we can’t even hold doors open to be nice, ESPECIALLY in Tucson where it’s sweating in places you didn’t even know you had sweat glands in, and be seen as anti woman all because you think to yourself “hey, this person could use help and i don’t want them to drop the presents, let the baloons go flying and Maybe Drop the Cake“. or in the case of that eone going up behind her while they were on the phone and actually say “I love you” to the person they chose to spend the rest of their life with?

Okay, Yeah, i get it. we gotta be vigilant now. maybe more than ever but REALLY?

i feel like i was born in the wrong year. feel like i grew up in the wrong time. both sides really. like i could have gotten the help i needed when i was younger but listen to the old music.

I don’t really know what to feel :/ so if you don’t mind...i’m gonna go back to playing Minecraft.

Thanks for Reading... it means a lot.

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