#will make more later i HAVE to sleep now

[puppygirldanhowell]

WOOOOO MY AROACE QUEEN

#will make more later i HAVE to sleep now #peridot #steven universe #su posting #ash is mentally ill #my edits #su edits #peridot edits #pride edits

[kinokoshoujoart]

oops all rock (springtime edition)

i’ll be able to draw digitally again soon! ;w; in the meantime i’ve been scribbling a lot on paper…

could not wait for Soon, so i resorted to coloring it using the markup tool in default iphone photos app (don’t do that ever again)

#my art #sos awl #debating whether to just dump my sketches from my soujourn to hell or save them to be transferred and finished as digital stuff #or like both idk. i don’t know how ppl feel about WIPs #i’m happy to post art again ;w; thank you everyone who welcomed me back i’m slowly getting through everything i missed while i was y’know #and thank you for the sweet messages while i was gone i am bbghkjh i need to calm myself and respond !!!! love #rock tumbling (sos) #story of seasons a wonderful life #bokumono #story of seasons #harvest moon #hm awl #harvest moon a wonderful life #bunny sighting 😳 i still have THOSE wips too #there’s certain things i wanna prioritize once i can use my tablet again and those are one of them #but i will also probably post new stuff alongside finishing old unfinished stuff….. i hope that is OK…… #idk i’ll have to talk more later! right now i am nervous!!! i love you all!!!! #fanart #awl rock #bokujou monogatari #hm anwl #unfortunately this scum neet still has my entire heart so. most of the notebook is just him pulling goofy faces… sorry…….. #also a lot of lumina and nami…. and molly…. they r really cool… #ceci is also cool and i’ve drawn a collage of her that i just. never posted #mostly drawing HMDS related stuff about the descendant characters #OK I’LL STOP TAGBLOGGING #i am once again back in DS for girl hell. i want to make a series of posts about differences in the English vs the Japanese version #and also fun secret things related to DS #this is all in the future i gotta finish all my unfinished stuff…. uuuu…. #i love you all mmmmmwah (i cast sleepy time blanket and sleep forever)

[skitskatdacat63]

I drew all of my historical AU Sebs!!!!

In order they are(with relevant links to lore info if you are curious!!): Napoleonic Hussar Seb(x), Renaissance Muse Seb(x) and Boy King/Emperor Seb(x)

Let me know which you like best!!!

#oh my fucking god this was truly the endurance race of drawing sessions #i just drew for four hours straight or so......FUN! #and it is now almost 5 am on a school night so pls wish me luck in school haha #basically this spawned from me seeing if i could sketch all 3 of my Sebs easily and then whoops 4 hours later they are finished! #i think now i can draw the hussar uniform with my eyes closed. it was so comforting to draw honestly ;;;; #this is actually the first time ive drawn boy king seb with colors!! so i think it turned out pretty well? #hey guys do you notice what all of the Sebs have in common...? they all have a gold motif...GOLDEN BOY CODED!!! #anyways i think the most developed of these AUs is boy king seb which is funny bcs its the one ive created most recently #but gaahhhhhh ive done so much research and im literally brainrotting over it constantly #now i need to draw fernando in his 3 AUs hahaha but drwing Seb is sooooo much more easy/comfy for me #did you guys also notice i have a fondness for a specific seb hairstyle? malaysia 2010 my truly beloved youve served me so well #i mentioned this already but like i dont get how drawing these kinds of clothing is far more preferable to me than drawing racesuits #well anyways i have so much fun researching into these different eras!! and then very fun to mix it with the drivers #im very surprised i was able to draw this. im not usually able to draw good chibi anatomy #but like seriously i think i was posessed by my thoughts of boy king seb and i just couldnt stop drawing #in didnt really have any mental roadblocks which is surprising #but then again these drawings are me mixing my two major interests atm so ofc it'll come to me easily and make me passionate!! #anyways time to go sleep pwease dont let this flop my hands literally are overheated from drawing LMFAO #catie.art. #sebastian vettel #f1 #formula 1 #f1 fanart #formula 1 art #formula 1 fanart #f1 art #boy king au #renaissance muse au #hussar au

[quinn-pop]

genuinely i could not sleep until i drew this. sewing jokes ft a very confused kirby

at first i thought this idea was silly but i mean. it probably would be a big deal for the prince of patchland to be made of synthetic fibers, so uh

bonus doodle of me when i actually am sewing lol (sorry for the anatomically incorrect iron)

#yeah it’s anatomically incorrect (like everything i draw) because i really didnt feel like getting a reference #okay here’s your explanations #singer and brother are both sewing machine brands lol #inter facing makes stuff stiff #smth not cut on the bias won’t stretch as well (basically he’s saying they’re not flexible. i didn’t mean literally but ig you could #interpret it that way. idk whatever) #tulle is a light and airy fabric yea but it’s also a bit stiff and scratchy so…don’t tell kirby that i guess #anyway these made me giggle and i lost sleep because!!! #I kept thinking about them for so long #and now ive had awful insomnia all week and have hardly slept lol so hoping posting this will help (I wish) #but i have more ideas so i might do more later #kirbyposting #kirby #prince fluff #king dedede #also fluff just looks angry a lot i promise he isn’t #can interpret as kirfluff #btw i suck at sewing so feel free to correct me

[kattitude130]

I LOVE TESTAMENT AND THEIR CHARACTER ARC SO MUCH IT GIVES ME THE STRENGTH TO BITE THROUGH METAL RAAAAAAAAAUAUUUUUUGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#AAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUGHHHH !!!!!!!!!!!!!! #THINKING ABOUT IT GIVES ME HEART BURN #i think villains should be redeemed and come out as transgender more often #‘i carried myself like a demon despite being surrounded by accepting people’ paraphrased quote but i chew on it daily #pre-strive testament i love youuuuuu strive testament i love youuuuuuu #waaauuuhhhh wails and cries #guilty gear #my post #i believe in my soul that they and dizzy have been keeping in touch #but i also wouldn’t mind a happy reunion with lots of catching up #i just hgugugurrrhrhhhhrhhrhagh *tears through metal beams with my teeth* #sniffle sob cries #ok i’m done *will cry myself to sleep later* #actually no i’m also thinking of an au where dizzy gave sin to testament to protect instead #it would make sense #aauauughdhahhahhh #ok now i’m done

[that-was-anticlimactic]

one of the worst feelings ever is wanting to write but your hands hurt too much or the words just don’t want to work so you just sit there staring at a half finished doc with tears in your eyes bc you want to write and you need to write but everything is telling you that you can’t

#and that you’re a terrible writer and that no one cares aaaaaaand imposter syndrome kicks in and you just feel like crap #bc all your friends have been wriying recejtky so why can’t you??? cause they’re bETTER THAN YOU #lol idk why my head is so bad today #the feelings of inferiority and emptiness and idk worthlessness are strong and i hate it but i can’t stop it #i just wanna write!!! and like what i write!!! #but i Can’t and i haven’t liked anything i’ve written in Months and ugh i hate not being able to d something i wanna do #oh and now i’m crying??? why the frick am i cRYING litetally why is typing this making me Worse #sorry guys needed to rant #the inadequacy was strong today #something something students keep telling me how much they dislike me or how i’m whiny for asking them to be respectful and like #i Know i shouldn’t compare myself to my friends but gosh it’s hard when they’re all like. so much better than me. #and i don’t have a lot of time to be on tumblr bc of work so i just feel like i’m watching everything from afar and it’s no one’s fault but #my brain’s like no one is Doing anything it’s just my brain being dumb and i can’t stand it and I want to stop feeling empty and like i’m #missing a part of myself and like the words i write don’t matter gOD why can’t i just feel happy with where i am and not care what the kids #who hate me say or realize that no one cares that i’m not on much like i’m still Here and trying to interact it’s not like everyone hates me #for being busy or for liking side characters more than the main characters and just— #sorry #that felt good actually #idk what came over me #imma just. imma shower. then maybe delete my tags #sorry if anyone got this far aT ALL grace is either asleep or trying to sleep so i don’t wanna bother them since they slept poorly last nigh #okay done now for real sorry delete tags later sorry if you saw this and how freaking messed up ky freaking brain is

[fluentisonus]

waking up from.a frightening dream at 4am in which a scary book was central which in the dream (could sort of tell I was dreaming on one level) I thoroughly believed was a real book that had been brought up the other day irl & that my dreaming mind was riffing off of bc I had not read yet. but having woken up. I'm not entirely convinced this is the case. and now I'm kind of scared to look it up tbh bc what's worse that it doesn't exist but I've dreamed about it several different nights & it's broken down my dream/reality conscious barrier (& I might dream it again??? this does happen to me) or that it does & I have to live in a world where it exists & I could read it.

#seriously considering just not sleeping any more & just getting up now at 4am now lol. i don't want to go back to sleep #thoughts #tbc in the dream the book was just a horror type deal it wasn't actually like. powerful. beyond the way it warped my 'levels' of reality #which ngl has shaken me bc i can usually tell well enough if I'm dreaming even if I can't act on it #so some sort of scary narrative/reality breakdown here #<- sorry for the distracted rambling I'm still half asleep & twitching at weird sounds. i will feel better shortly though i usually do #the last time this happened i was in high school & having a dream i could tell i was dreaming in & then 'woke up' & rolled over to find a #perfect representation of my room except the lady from my dream was standing in the middle of it facing away from me oddly still. & then #when i woke up for real I couldn't make myself turn over for like an hour i was so distressed abt what I'd see but also more importantly #that i didn't know/couldn't reliably trll if i was dreaming or not. terrifying prospect tbh #also like i DO have dreams with sequrls/repeats/returns sometimes even years later & 'remember' the last one. nightmares included. #which i hate btw

[silenthillbunni]

📓🖊️🧸

#i feel so lonely now bc i have no one to talk to sksksk #my sisters gets mad whenever i try to talk 2 mom and she just slammed doors nd got irritated at me #nd my mom is so stressed nd in a bad mood so she just got annoyed when i tried saying smth to her #so ig i should just vent to my bestfriend beloved diary confidant thats been here for me for 5yrs<3333 #anywayyy today was rough.. i woke up w a headache after 3hrs of sleep :(( #but still had to get up nd get ready nd eat boxed mashed potatoes for breakkyy 🤢🤮 (it's so gross after eating it everyday lol) #then w my hunchback nd achy stomach i went to school. it was frustrating bc ppl r so fkn rude #they bumped into me at the bus nd i had to sit like a weirdo caging my left stomach side from everyone. had to elbow some dumb fkn guy bc he #pressed his backpack into my side. so i had to basically push it away from me lol he thought i was so weird. but move tf away asshole?????? #got to school nd checked myself in the mirror nd i was so pale i look like absolute garbage its annoying :(( #it was next to insufferable to endure class bc my head hurt so bad (it was the worst part i think) nd i couldnt sit up straight so my back #hurt so bad too sksksks :< #but i managed to write a little but on my assignment #then i left a bit earlier bc i couldnt stand it anymore i was feeling so bad #wrnt to the library bc i had to return some books. could only carry two small ones tho so have to go back multiple times sksksk #felt soooo bad but ate some more disgusting mashed potatoes nd took a nap w an ice pack. took a migraine pill even if it upsets my stomach🤣 #now a few hours later i feel better physically #buuuuuut im so miserable im not even kidding #idc if it sound pathetic or fatty but genuinely that moment w a cup of coffee nd a small chocolate treat everyday makes me feel sm better #like im not kidding!!!!! it does a lot for my peace of mind sksksk T-T #im so miserable bc i cant eat anything still im so hungry :(( #and im weak. im pale. my skin's dry. it's itchy bc of malnutrition... i feel faint nd dizzy nd slow nd just not good at all #im so frustrated i hate this sm i wanna feel strong and healthy!! i dont wanna be constantly hungry. i wanna go to the gym nd go for walks #i wanna be able to sit up straight nd not get back pain!!! #i know i know it's only been 8 days since surgery and it takes time to heal i get it..... :( #but theres just too much going on and im so sick and tired of it all #mostly i just wanna be able to eat and feel strong bc i feel so weak nd i miss food so much sksksksk

[crescentfool]

recently, i’ve been thinking about what a 100% social link/confidant run is like from the perspective of the persona protagonists, rather than the player. i’ve always been a sucker for thinking about the type of narrative created by a person’s gameplay choices (it can be so fun and deep) so!! i wrote this analysis / musing.

some notes before we start: this was written with the lens of persona 3 being the most recent game i played- but the concepts are applicable to the p4/p5 protagonists as well! no spoilers for any of the games are mentioned; this is moreso a general discussion of ludonarrative dissonance with the game mechanics and narrative and how it makes for fun angst (ft. personal interpretation).

(more under the cut!)

the framework: game mechanics

in all of the games, the social link system’s existence coincides with the social stats mechanic. certain social links require a specific set of stats in order to initiate it, or surpass a certain rank. each game has around 20 of these- each of which represent the major arcana (+ some bonuses, e.g. aeon / jester / faith / councilor).

for any players going for a 100% social link run, this basically requires each social stat to be maxed out. anyone who’s followed a guide for a 100% run would know that the beginning of the game tends to be very “strict” with how time can be used, most of which involves getting the stats raised  as soon as possible.

outside of characterization and worldbuilding, completing social links are incentivized for a variety of gameplay reasons. so how could this completionist play style affect the protagonists?

prioritizing social stats over everything else: a general view

regardless of which protagonist you want to put under a petri dish, with a 100% run, you’re essentially asking the protagonist to form amicable bonds with 20 or so people, give or take. granted, not everyone becomes adjoined to the hip to the protagonist.

personally, i feel that forming 20 different bonds over the course of a year would be rather strenuous. during these 100% runs, the protagonists may feel that they’re spreading themselves thin trying to dedicate their resources to multiple different people as well as raising their “social stats.” i find the implications that this has on said bonds is so, utterly fascinating.

while this isn’t reflected in the game and would be better represented within a fic, i find it difficult to believe that this type of behavior doesn’t have any ramifications on the quality of the protagonist’s closer relationships (or their self-image, for that matter).

just… imagine calling one of your close friends but then they consistently give responses along the lines of “lmao sorry i’m busy doing other things,” and they rarely make the time of day for you. how would you feel? gameplay-wise, this deterioration of the relationship is best represented in persona 3 with social links reversing if you haven’t spent time with them in awhile.

part of my fascination with this concept is influenced by my own experiences. trying to maintain so many relationships can be difficult to keep up with and it quickly gets overwhelming (see dunbar’s number for more information). jumping between so many people also makes it difficult to focus on a few relationships meaningfully- meaning that relationships may be limited to being simple pleasantries. even then, ‘successfully’ keeping every relationship satisfying comes at the cost of being unable to pursue your own development and interests.

overall, i think that trying to do so many things ends up lowering the quality of the relationship(s) involved, especially when you also consider the fatigue from going to school as well as fighting shadows.

playing the therapist friend / listening role: a general view

another aspect of the 100% run that i think about is how the protagonists rarely open up to other people. a good chunk of SLs follow a storyline of the protagonist acting as a therapist friend/helping the other person through one central issue. some SLs are an exception to this and have a more casual “we’re just hanging out vibe.”

basically, SLs tend to be weighted toward the other character’s growth, moreso than the protagonist’s (which is handled by the main story). that said, the idea of mostly playing a listening role across most of your relationships and not having many that you feel comfortable to speak freely about your own stuff… feels really unbalanced and unhealthy?

i do think that part of the lack of “input” can be attributed to the silent-protagonist approach taken in the games (which is a whole ‘nother topic). but!! i find that each protagonist’s options, while limited, are fun to think about! some of the traits and interpretations i’ve seen for the differing protags, to name a few, include:

being afraid to open up / get attached and keeping people at arm’s distance as a result

needing to be around other people, even if it’s just listening them, to distract from their own struggles / pretend nothing’s wrong with them

enjoying helping others, being a good and careful listener who can provide an appropriate and helpful response

the willingness to prioritize others over themselves; a lack of self-preservation

compulsive people pleasing

at its worst, the lack of “protagonist talking” or equal reciprocation in response could be misinterpreted by the other person as disinterest (like they’re talking to a wall). alternatively- the lack of “personal tidbits” could be taken as, “you don’t trust me enough to be able to open up, huh.” and i just think that seeing this in a fic would be the biggest shitshow ever (and i would read that).

concluding thoughts:

overall, i feel that the protagonists taking a predominantly listening approach to several relationships at once can lead to compassion fatigue and general burnout. the protagonists are rarely at the receiving end of being listened to and/or having their issues worked through… and that’s kind of sad?

while the 100% social link run can provide great power to any persona fusions (and other cool battle abilities + hijinks)... i ultimately think that there’d be a lot of mental strain that would make achieving this much more difficult when you take a narrative-emphasized approach.

i do realize that it is possible to see the general vibe of this post as “100% social link is bad,” but like… there’s something i find really appealing about the messiness of attempting to manage so many relations at once- only to fall short in several of them and attempting to salvage the last bits of their sanity. when you think about the complications of the 100% SL run from the shoes of the protagonist… yeah!! that’s the good shit!

anyways! if anyone knows of any fics with this kinda vibe for the p3/4/5 protags… feel free to drop it in my askbox… i like them all VERY much :3c… and if this raised any food for thought- i’d be equally honored! let the protags go through shit i wanna see their emotions and coping mechanisms damn it! 👏

#persona 3 #persona 4 #persona 5 #yes it is 3am and im posting this. i couldn't sleep so i wanted to write something that i've been thinking abt as of late :x #highly recommend looking up ludonarrative dissonance btw! if ur interested in game storywriting its SOO interesting bc its definitely- #an occurence that happens every now and then in a video game. persona included. like.. when game mechanics tell one story but the narrative #-ends up contradicting that (or some other thing in reality ends up doing that...). does that even make sense?? #i tried to keep this post general to p3/4/5 but if you know me well enough you'll see how my p3 bias has shaped this post. lmao #i also could go on a tangent about how i feel about orpheus telos as a thing w/rt p3 social links BUT I WONT. unless...? #i have more i want to say on the topic (maybe will do so at a later time) but feel free to ask for more specific hcs with the protags? #maybe not p4kun though just bc ive only watched p4 so i havent had the time to let it sit btwn play sessions #anyway bye im just going to let this float in the void while i sleep. have a good day #meta #hc and au nonsense #lizzy speaks

[amrv-5]

survived Badly (argh) but going to work on fic for as long as I continue to enjoy doing so then switch over -- see if I can find somewhere to watch The 400 Blows and probably cry forever and dehydrate and feel soooo sad and then feel better after. Thank you French New Wave

#boooo whatever saying nonsense nothing matters delete later #somebody should invent a proximity to your parents that doesn't immediately make you so emotionally weird forever #overdramatic. Im feeling fine im eating some crackers and lying around chilling. Just. Weird. Off Balance.. #Mild Disturbance in my Year of Exceptional Emotional/Mental Chill #not gonna let it break my 2024 streak of feeling generally Pretty Freakin Good and mostly Recovered From The Lost Year #Which btw. can I say... have i said...? Genuinely having one of the nicest years of my life so far... feeling really pretty good #mfw having more control over your life + surroundings + choices + living circumstances means you can genuinely #meaningfully improve ur day-to-day lived experiences and find what works for u to keep u happy + healthy + excited about life... magic #anyway. brief Huh I Feel Kind Of Bad And Sad In A Deeper Way Kicked Off By But Unrelated To Events Of The Day moment earlier #really made me realize how exceptionally good I've had it so far this year... i think... it's possible... things Do Get Better #anyway. ok done Tag Blogging now. just hope everyone enjoys a nice treat or something. get good sleep enjoy ur time change if it applies #watch a movie or something. idk have fun guys have a good night

[ereborne]

✨⚡️ Seven(ish) Sentence Sunday ⚡️✨

Tagged by @acountrygirlsfun (a couple times by now, though not actually this most recent time, but I figure it still counts!) Thank you, Caitlin <3 <3 <3

Helix took a deep breath in, counted four flashes of the desperate direct-@ lights coming in from his side chat panels, and breathed out.  His voice came out steady, and miraculously casual.  "We understand why you did it. You were trying to keep our brothers safe." He watched Harp's eyes go wide at the 'our' brothers. Like he hadn't expected the rest of them to claim the Corries. Because he'd been hiding from them just like from the longnecks, he had falsified his— Deep breath in. Two flashes, no time for longer, leave no silence for Harp to panic in.  Breathe out. Keep going. 

This is not seven sentences, but it's also largely not complete sentences anyway, and it is literally what I just seconds ago finished writing. Still counts!

No-pressure tagging uhhh @ialpiriel, @goingsparebutwithprecision, @anaclastic-azurite, anybody else who might want to play?

#tagged by #acountrygirlsfun #I should be taking a shower and going to sleep but this scene isn't clicking so rather than getting frustrated I'm posting it here #I will have to go back through in my rewrites later and make sure everyone doesn't have their breakdowns in the same way #I do a bit better when the characters are speaking out loud #but for internal thought processes I tend to end up with them all sounding suspiciously similar to my own. whoops #anyway this is more of the good data management AU! we've just learned that the Corrie Guards Are Not Okay #and now most everybody else is also Not Okay! we're having bad times today folks #in the story I mean. I had a fine day! #and though it is emotionally fraught and currently fighting me I am still very happy to be getting back to my beloved Guard #Harp's a medic OC and I adore him and he and the Guard he's trying so hard to take care of really deserve a break #and now their brothers are a little more aware (seriously they have only just nicked the tippest bit of iceberg) of how not okay they are #a break they shall shortly receive!! #(it's gonna come with a double helping of Bother so they won't be very grateful. but they will be better rested and that's what matters)

[orcelito]

Went skimming thru late trimax For Reasons, got caught up reading the Legato fight, realized things about the fight that I never had before & went WOW, I kind of want to write an analysis post right now!

Felt the same kind of insanity grip me, however momentarily, that fueled all my analysis posts however many months ago. Too tired to actually word things coherently right now, but...

I May or may not have a full(ish?) analysis of the Legato & Vash fight a la style of This post analyzing the Trigun: Multiple Bullets fight that got unexpectedly kind of popular. People seemed to really appreciate that one, & I even had some ppl saying it could be cool if I did that for others?

So. Legato fight. Maybe. Feel free to remind me later if u see no mention of it again for over a week lol

#speculation nation #ive been wanting to go back into reading the manga again #ive only slowly (VERY slowly) been puttering along with where i am in my fic #for research purposes with the fic. #i do want to go back through the manga bc i STILL havent done a full reread of it #ive just reread so many different parts of it for assorted research that im probably getting to some 10 or so reads total lmao #i wanna reread it in full tho front to back to sort out any stray details and remember any timeline things i might have slightly skewed. #the problem with reading the manga though. is that every fucking time i look at it. i am consumed by a drive to research EVERY little thing #so me reading turns into 'hm thats interesting. that reminds me of this thing that i know happens in volume 8. let me just check that now--' #and i end up so dreadfully distracted every damn time. bc i end up with all my wires crossed and my attention pointing a million ways #it's exhausting. and so i havent been reading the manga outside of random research dives. #im very good at that. i know every volume of the manga and can find Anything within 1 or 2 mins (at the Most) #which is also kind of the problem lol. fingers in too many pies. so many things to think about. #if i get back into Actually rereading the manga tho you can bet ur ASS ill find more things to make posts about #every time i open up the manga i find new things that i could analyze. #i just havent. bc i dont have time. but. ykno what. maybe i Could get back into it... #remind me later. this is one of my favorite fucking fights with my favorite Fucking panels #and i realized smth about the shit Vash is doing that was making me lose my MINDDDD #later tho. ive been sleep deprived today. and it is time for me to rest. #& yea yea ITNL is still the main focus. but idk i have such a mind for details and i remember So many things about the manga #i wanna show that off to people again. and thus. Analyses!!! :D #later. goodnight for now

[swordmaid]

for me… FOR ME..!!! and for shri’iia specifically the lock in for astarion’s romance is his graveyard scene in act 3.

i think it is too quick for shri’iia to be moving on to another relationship considering her previous one was with her mistress who essentially groomed and isolated her for like … more than hundred years. learning to chase her own desires and not moulding herself to what anyone wants her to be is something so new to her…!!! and something that she’s still learning how to be comfortable with….

and what I like abt romancing astarion with her is that I usually go for the dialogue path in his act 2 confession scene where you can ask him:

- what do YOU want to do?

and he goes like honestly idk what we’re doing but /this/ is nice. it just feels like two people exploring the option to love for the first time and taking things in their own pace rather than jumping straight into the relationship. they’re going at a snails pace… they don’t know what they’re doing but they like this feeling and the vibe and they want to more of it but they’re not ready to commit to anything yet and it’s fine for them …!! and they’re only committing by the end in the graveyard scene where significant time has passed and they’ve learnt a little more about themselves and they’re both more confident about their own desires and also how they want to be loved.

like it is so fitting I think… and sweet… not to mention astarion being a high elf & a vampire and shri’iia being a drow, they have all the time of the world for themselves so I def think they would want to take their time. except if shri’iia turns into a mindflayer or drider by the end then that plan is out the window lol

#now I’m thinking who else I can romance with her .. maybe lae’zel ?? #since the thing with her is that she doesn’t get vulnerable in act 1 so the scenes where the romances #are kind of heart to hearts like shadowheart’s or karlach’s (😭😭😭) is out of the question since it doesn’t fit her … #like she’d rather sleep with someone first than actually get to know them 😭 hence astarion and lae’zel … #gale and wyll… I am hmmm about it on one hand her approval with wyll in act 1 is not even high enough 😭😭 #and I don’t think she can be sweet enough to chase after him in the party .. she was kind of like ok fine whatever when he said he’s not in #the mood … gale I think can be a contender .. I actually don’t know how his route goes so I’m not sure abt that … #but the thing is … she gets vulnerable LATER ..!! and why astarion’s romance work for her is i hc after their act 2 scene #they’re just in a situationship rather than actual relationship … like they’re dating (yes!) but also dating (hmmmm) #and it’s only in his last scene where they both lock in bc I think that’s enough time for her to process her OWN trauma and also for her #own character development … like she has to learn how to trust (ack!!!!) which is the thing that you don’t do when you’re raised in lolth’s #cult …. and her mistress manipulated her trust too so it’s even more nerve wracking for her bc she doesn’t want someone to have that power #over her again .. but now she has to learn how to give it away freely … without being scared … bites my hand …!!!! #and astarion graveyard scene where he wants to live again vs shri’iia learning how to trust again and trying to live without the fear of #someone betraying you and using you and the paranoia that comes with it … urck urgh goughhhhhh critical hit … #also I have a hc that she actually is quite good at making poisons since her mother sold alchemy herbs and components #and she gives him poison as a courting gift lol .. also like a way to protect him 🤭 but she won’t admit that … she’s like if you want it #take it if you don’t idc 🤷‍♀️ (she does..) i hc that she gets flustered at sincerity actually #their relationship for me is like they’re both two little shits and a general menace to society (both charlatans) #but if they had to hold hands she’d get too flustered too and he’s like honestly what are you a child? (smug face making fun of her) #I have this little comic idea for them when they held hands for the first time and she’s like ouggghhh 😳😮‍💨 flustered and sweating and he’s #like hihi 🤭😎 but then their hands starts to get sweaty and then he’s like ew that’s disgusting and she’s like ok if u hate it let go then #and he’s like no YOU let go 🙄 but they don’t let go now they have to suffer through the sweaty hand holding alas such is fate …

[sanchoyo]

I’ve been wanting to reopen commissions soon but I rly need to make new examples, maybe try to figure out what ppl are most interested in (I think my most commissioned items are always icons, so? Those will be included) and what I can do…I also want to refigure my prices. Like I do want them to be affordable, and I do love drawing for ppl, but I also want to make sure I have the bandwidth + time for them and also feel like I’m being compensated properly since I do have a job now so they would be the Side Thing aaa TwT

but I’m finally at a place where I feel like. Not burnt out after every week and I’m in a nice routine now and pretty used to my job, so I feel like I can handle more on the side. Very excited abt that. Not excited abt making new examples or figuring out what I wanna offer etc tho I hate the logistics of commissions. Part of me wants to do a pay what u want thing with a set minimum and maybe start exclusively offering them thru kofi since it’s so easy, but we’ll see!!

I look to maybe open them around June so like. If anyone is interested, I’d love to hear what kind of stuff u guys would want? 🤨

#I realize posting this at 2 am might not yield feedback LOL I’ll maybe do a more formal poll on my art blog later #I’m up waaay past my bedtime bc I’ve been nocturnal this week #the landlord sent ppl to reno our kitchen so I have been sleeping during the day #and working at night so that I can avoid the ppl. anxiety. whatever I feel bad for being in their way and I’m shy ok 😭 #it’s been loud and a mess all across the house bc of it and I am a tiny bit stressed #plus family stuff but the reg yk. it’s fine #but thinking abt how excited I am abt art and possibly drawing for ppl and making them happy makes me happy aaaa #I rly do love making art for ppl #and I’ve missed it #sanchoyorambles #in other news I got a bird bath for outside my window so in addition to the feeder I can see them splash #haven’t seen any of them use it for that yet :( but several wasps have drank! #wasps r smarter than birds confirmed I guess. they’re growing on me a lil bit I’m ngl. there’s a nest on the porch #and last week when I decided I’d work outside for an hour or two one came and sat with me #perched on the arm rest and hung out. and I was brave and didn’t run away! we r friends now me n the wasps #someone appreciates my gift of water #birds take notes……….

[xxcapybaragamingepic1337xx]

If they didn't want people sleeping during the day they wouldn't have made beds so comfortable

#hi I just woke up and my blankets are so soft and it's the perfect temperature as well and I have so much work that needs to be done #it's a cruel world #I've also lost all concept of time and barely know what day it is but whatever #maybe.... another 20 minutes... what's the worst that could happen #sorry for rambling just woke up with very strong feelings about how comfortable I'm feeling rn #also unrelated to anything I think modern oil paintings are really interesting especially ones that are more realistic and focus on everyda #scenes or still lives #personally I always associate oil painting with very classical art and that comparison brings a whole new layer of appreciation to the #piece like yea you've painted your McDonald's happy meal and hundreds of years ago somebody painted this bowl of fruit #and the medium in which you did it stayed the same the whole time #it's similar to how I feel about (modern) art in museums in that because it's placed in museums it gives it the feeling of an important #art piece and something that you should study intently #love modern art btw don't think it has only value if it's placed in an museum I just think it's interesting how much impact the surrounding #have on what we consider art #which is a fun thing to try out like for example if I say my IKEA chair is art that gives it a different value #making me study it more closely and in the process I'll realise yes it is art to me the way the pieces fit together #how the form was designed etc and it works for everything and makes your day much more fun #ramble over if someone's still reading this here's a fun little guy: 🐕 and sorry for taking up so much space on the dashboard #I'm going to go back to sleep now (bed is still veryyyy comfortable) #delete later

[binders-and-beanies]

Doin bad again folx

#might delete later I’m just wide awake and miserable #summer bill came out today and it’s $7100 not including housing which will be $2400 #literally dunno how im gonna pay for that and my dad is. adding to the emotional turmoil of it all #not able to get a loan at least not before the bill is due #able to get aid luckily but again who knows when or how much #my bday is tomorrow and for months I’ve been like please just let my bday be a good day i need one #i need some hope. not that I haven’t had good experiences lately bc I have. but nothing that lasts #nothing i get to feel good about for more than a day before a new problem drops #I need to enjoy my birthday without feeling this deep dark dread and fear and fucking guilt and hopelessness #I have fun plans for today And tomorrow and I’m grateful but honestly stressed about that too #bc it’s gonna be a lot + bc of all I need to do outside of that #+ I don’t get to spend my bday w friends the way I want like I have one friend Maybe coming w me #my bday is supposed to feel celebratory and instead it feels like absolutely forcing some illusion of choice or joy in my life #on top of it all. the most peaceful I usually ever feel is in bed w my partner and now my body won’t even let me hold or be held by them #currently laying next to them not touching them so I at least don’t keep them up w how physically miserable I am rn #I’m literally always physically miserable at this point and it feels like spring is never gonna come and provide any relief #but it’s like can I at least be cozy w them. nope instead I’m wide awake facing various horrors #despite being permanently exhausted and falling asleep in class after 40 ounces of coffee #Im just. so fucking unhappy in life rn dude I don’t want life to be like this forever with the constant threat of it getting much worse #fucking shred of joy in this godforsaken world: the sleep noises they r making rn #mine #txt #vent post #suicidal ideation tw #<- cry for help