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hellfirehaley · 2 years

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Strange Love Chapter Eleven

AN: Two chapters in one week? WHO IS SHE? She's highly motivated :D So i created a D&D character for this chapter and her name is pronounced like Agnes and Anita blended. Her tribe is the same tribe that Galadriel of LotR belongs to cause I'm a nerd. This chapter was so much fun to write because I love playing Dungeons and Dragons and getting to basically DM a chapter of my own was super thrilling and super stressful. I apologize in advance if it's bad or not well done but I hope you all like it. This chapter is dedicated to @mvnsoneddie86 for asking so kindly to see a D&D chapter so I hope I delivered. Please let me know if you like the series and if you'd like to be added to (or removed from) the taglist ;)

Your DND Cheat Sheet:

*DM stands for Dungeon Master

*Initiative basically means the order of who fights in what order and when it's on your character sheet, it gives you an advantage to add to your roll.

Word Count: 5443

October 20, 1985

It was a perfect autumn day : rainy enough that it created a perfect background noise, cool enough you needed a few extra layers. Classes were easy and lazy since it felt like everyone was falling into their seasonal slump, especially with the away football game being postponed due to inclimate weather. You, however, were on cloud nine while eating your lunch at your usual table but this time you were by yourself since Ali and Robin were working on their debate notes over women’s rights in the workplace. You were reading a Jackie Collins novel while listening to Prince’s Purple Rain album, minding your own business when you felt a tap on your shoulder. You turned to the direction of the source and saw two welcome faces: Mike Wheeler and Dustin Henderson in a pair of matching Hellfire Club shirts. Dustin lived a few houses down from you ever since you moved to Hawkins so you would babysit the boys often over the years and had helped them with missions that may or may not have involved interdimensional monsters so needless to say, you would do anything for the little shits. Judging by the looks on their faces, they needed something. You paused Prince and removed your headphones.

“Hi boys, how are things?” you ask.

“Things are great,” Mike said quickly.

“Mike, stop lying. Shit’s horrible Y/N; we need your help. Lucas can’t come to Hellfire tonight because of some family obligation thing so we’re totally screwed and we’ve been asking everyone–”

“Not everyone Dustin,” Mike interrupted.

“Yeah we have! The geeks, the jocks, the drama kids, the band nerds, hell you even asked Nancy,” Dustin nearly yelled.

“Dustin, volume!” you say loudly in your Mom voice. He ducked his head at the sound of your tone.

“Sorry, it’s just we’re desperate and you played with us a few summers ago so I thought maybe you could help us out this once,” Dustin said. You pondered their ask heavily. You had played a couple of campaigns with them when Mike and Will would DM and you did pretty well. The kids would be more than happy to explain anything you didn’t understand and would be your biggest cheerleader when you did well with your rolling. But the thing is Eddie. You hadn’t told him you played yet and were keeping it closer to the chest for some reason but what better opportunity?

“Alright I’ll do it but I’ll have to run home to find my character sheets first thing after school,” you warn, “You also cannot tell Eddie that it’s me.”

“Yes! Agneta of Lothlorien is back!” Mike yelled.

“Thank God! You’re really saving our asses from getting chewed out by Eddie again,” Dustin said.

“Anytime boys. Just tell him you guys have the substitute handled and leave it at that. Now can I return to my lunch since I won’t get a real break today?” you ask sweetly.

“Yeah of course. See you later this afternoon Y/N!” Dustin yelled as they walked away triumphantly to the Hellfire table across the cafeteria. You returned your headphones over your head and pressed play on the cassette player, enjoying the rest of your pizza in peace. The bell rang once you got to the beginning of Darling Nikki so you paused it again, gathered your stuff and headed to your locker. You got to your locker and spun in your combination, a note immediately falling out of it when you opened it. You looked around to find the culprit but were unsuccessful so you opened it.

Wanna ditch 6th period and get stoned? Meet me in the woods after ^Eddie^

You laughed at his little demon drawing and made a change of plans as you grabbed your camera and put away all your books. You closed your locker and went to fifth period with your mind going all around Eddie. When the bell rang to release you to sixth period, you made a beeline to get out of there. You were giddy and excited to see your best friend/crush for the first time that day. You made a quick stop at your locker to grab your Walkman and put away your bag before closing it and making your way towards the football field, Darling Nikki playing through the headphones. The rain had stopped but the skies were still perfectly dreary. It took the entire song to get to your secret spot: an abandoned picnic bench in the middle of the woods behind Hawkins High. You got closer and could tell Eddie was there already by the smell of the burning marijuana coming from the area you were walking towards. You laughed to yourself at the thought of him sitting there getting impatient waiting on you. You caught sight of Eddie dancing around the bench with the joint in his mouth and he looked so hot in his Hellfire shirt like a leader of his pack, maybe a Danny Zuko in another universe or time period. You made your way to the opening and a twig snap alerted Eddie to your arrival. He looked up surprised but his body language softened at the sight of you.

“Hey Y/N. How was class?” Eddie asked as you walked up and put your camera and Walkman on the table of the bench.

“Class was alright. I was able to cruise through thanks to the weather so thankfully it’s been an easy day. How’s your day going?” you ask.

“It’s going alright. I decided to skip shop class earlier to work on the campaign a little more,” Eddie admitted.

“Oh yeah it’s Hellfire Night. So what’s on the agenda for tonight?” you ask innocently.

“The boys are gonna be fighting a pack of kobolds tonight if they can pull through with this goddamn substitute,” Eddie said frustratedly as he took another hit off his joint. It took everything in you not to laugh or blurt something out about tonight.

“”Oh, have some faith in them; they always pull through,” you offer.

“You’re probably right. I just hate playing a player short,” Eddie admitted as he passed you the joint.

“Would it help if I promised that things will work out in the end?” you ask as you take a hit off the joint.

“A little yeah because I know you won’t lie to me,” Eddie said.

“That’s absolutely right,” you say as you exhale your hit and take another before passing it.

“So they’re currently at this village called Makbar and they have to find a pack of kobolds who moved into a local cave and need to be evacuated,” Eddie explained as he took a hit.

“So they need to fight the pack in order to move on to the next quest,” you state, following what he’s saying.

“Exactly.” he says. Easy Peasy, you thought to yourself.

“Sounds fun. Maybe I’ll guest someday once I learn more about it,” you say.

“You can ask me anything and I’ll help you out along the way. There are no stupid questions in this game,” he says as he passes you the joint.

“I’ll keep that in mind. So your job is just to keep game play going on and play for the bad guys?” you ask as you hit the joint.

“Yeah pretty much. This one time, I wrote a plotline that was more complex than I originally intended and I ended up having to play out 3 bad guys and like a few dozen goons on top of wrangling the group. It was hectic and exhausting.” Eddie said with a laugh. You were hung on every word he said and the more he talked about his hobby, the more mesmerized you were by the boy.

“So what are your plans for tonight since I know tonight is your self care night or whatever,” Eddie said as he watched you inhale.

“Probably just do my nails and hang out with Norm. Maybe I’ll finish the book I was reading at lunch,: you say thoughtfully.

“Sounds like a very You night. Could I stop by after Hellfire to smoke you up?” Eddie asks.

“Sure I’d love that Eddie,” you say as you finish the joint.

“I’ll be there by around 9:30.” Eddie said.

“So what time does Hellfire Club usually start? I never see you immediately after O’Donnell’s on Fridays so is it like immediately after school or do you just go set up first?” you ask curiously.

“We usually start around 3:30 or 4,” Eddie says “I usually take awhile to set up so it depends on the day.”

You smile at him. “So are you feeling better about tonight?” you ask.

“A little, yeah thank you. It felt like I was being anxious about nothing and when I get anxious, I get a little fidgety and angry,” he states.

“And that’s okay. Everyone’s response to stress is always different. Mine is to shut down and hide so I can cry and disassociate,” you say as he laughs.

“Thanks for the warning,” he says.

“You’re welcome. Alright Eddie, if I’m gonna be ditching class, I think I’m gonna beat the traffic and head home. I gotta run Norm and I was gonna try to clean the house for when Mom gets home,” you say as you get up and walk over to him.

“Okay Y/N sounds like a plan. I’ll be over after D&D,” he says, offering his open arms for a hug which you gladly accept. You wrap your arms around his back and he immediately pulls you as close as possible. You take a deep breath, relaxing in the embrace. He always feels so safe.

“Tonight is gonna be okay, Eds. Don’t stress yourself out over it. It’ll all work out,” you say as you pull away enough to look in his eyes.

“You’re sure?” Eddie asks, his eyes revealing a small amount of anxiety.

“Positive. Pinky promise?” you say offering your ringed left pinky as he takes it in his right pinky.

“Alright now get outta here. Norm is waiting on you,” Eddie said, letting go of you. You smiled at him and let go of him to go grab your camera.

“Hey do The Thing!” you say as you hold your camera up to take his photo. He flicks his tongue out of his mouth and makes Devil’s horn with his hands. You snap the photo with a wide smile and lower the camera, getting your Walkman ready.

“I’lll see you tonight Y/N” Eddie yelled before you put on your headphones, the sounds of When Doves Cry starting as you walked away.

“Sooner than you think,” you muttered to yourself as you continued down the path towards the exit. You get out of the forest and immediately start towards your car at a quick pace. You had a lot to do in a short amount of time. It took mere minutes to get to the library entrance where you parked at and unlocked your car, getting in. You take off your headphones and pause the album. You start the car and are flooded with the sounds of a-Ha’s Take on Me. You smiled and reversed out of the parking spot and took off towards home. As you drove, you drummed along to the song having absolutely no worries.

“Take on meeeee, take meeeee onnnn. I’lllll beeee gooonee in a day or twooooooo” you sang as you made it towards your house. You were a little nervous to play again after so long but you were more focused on the look on Eddie’s face when he sees you’re the sub. Would he be mad? Would he play it cool? Would he be happy? Would he be excited? Your mind raced with possible scenarios as you finished the drive home. Once there, you parked and sprinted to the door, unlocking it. The happy boy Norm was excited to see you as he raced up the stairs with you, hopping on your bed.

“Sorry boy, no walk today. I’ve gotta do stuff,” you say as you go to the bookshelf, looking for your purple folder. You grab it and double check the contents, satisfied to have your character sheets in it. You put it on the desk and change into a pair of acid wash jeans with rips in the knees, a Van Halen shirt and your favorite Vans. You grab a hair tie, your folder and a pencil before heading back down the stairs. You double check Norm’s food, which is still half full, so you decide to leave it and replenish it when you get home. You go to the door and grab your keys again, leaving as quickly as you arrived.

When you arrived back at the school, everyone was leaving or already gone so you parked in your usual library spot and shut off the car. It was still a gloomy day outside so you guessed that everyone was heading out to whatever party was tonight. You got out of your car and saw Mike and Dustin waiting out front for you. You smiled at them as you walked up.

“Hey guys. Are you ready for this?” you ask.

“Hell yeah! Thanks for doing this Y/N. You’re really saving us from Eddie’s wrath,” Dustin says.

“Oh it can’t be that bad Dustybuns.” you say.

“No he’s right Eddie would have been pissed at us if you hadn't said yes,” Mike agreed.

“Well it’s not like I was doing anything tonight so I’m more than happy to help. Shall we?” you ask as they nod and lead the way towards the drama storage room. You were still nervous but it was more of an anxious nervous. When you walked down the hall, you had a sudden wave of confident wash over you and you started to strut a bit. Why were you scared about your best friend finding out something about you? If anything, it would make you closer. You could hear Eddie laughing with some of the group already. You opened the doors for them to go first.

“Wheeler! Henderson! I see you’re brave enough to show your faces. You better have delivered on a sub,” Eddie said in a dramatized deep voice.

“Oh we have a sub alright,” Dustin said as you walked in behind them. The doors closed behind you as the group looked at you, shocked.

“Guys this is our old friend–”

“Y/N!” The guys said in unison at the same time.

“Hey guys. Nice to see you all again,” you say with a smile.

“This is the sub?” Eddie said, still shocked to see you.

“Yep. She played a few campaigns with us over the years. We vouch for her.” Mike said. You smiled at the boys as it warmed your heart to hear them fighting for you. You look from them to Eddie and he looked so different from the Eddie you had seen mere hours ago. This Eddie was looking at you like you were another person. The look he was giving you was a mix of arousal, impression and contemplation. Being under his gaze causes you to bite your lip.

“So what’s your class traitor? Level one human with a bard background?” Eddie joked as his friend laughed, appeasing their Dungeon Master.

“Actually, Edward, my name is Agneta of Lothlorien. I’m a level 15 Half-Elf Cleric. I’m a healer but don’t you dare underestimate me again or I’ll fuck you up with my poisoned daggers,” you say in a stern voice causing them to stop laughing and look at you in shock as Eddie left his throne and walked towards you. You stayed in your spot, holding your ground as he got to you with a sexy smirk.

“So is that why you were so interested in the campaign earlier,” Eddie whispered, just loud enough for you two to hear.

“No, Eddie. I care about you and your interests, you ass. Plus maybe I wanted to see one of your cute little campaigns Eds,” you say with a wink and a bite of your lip. You could see Eddie’s demeanor change: he’s challenged and he’s turned out, quite the deadly combination for a Dungeon Master. He offers his hand with that same damn smirk.

“Welcome to Hellfire Club” he said with a wicked smile and you took his hand, shaking it before dropping it and going to the empty seat between Mike and Dustin. Eddie took his seat in his throne and got right into it. He summed up the adventure the boys had last time and you had met them in a tavern, offering them services to help the town of Makbar. They accept your help and you six head into a forest where all of a sudden, the pack of kobolds spots you closing in on their cave.

“So we have to kill them in order to complete our quest” Dustin says to you while Gareth is taking his turn.

“Sounds good. Any idea of a plan?” you ask

“Not a single clue,” Dustin says.

“ROLL INITIATIVE!” Eddie yelled as you all groaned in unison, some swearing as they grab their D20s and roll.

“14” Gareth says.

“19” Grant said.

“12” Jeff seid.

“16” Mike sighed.

“11” Dustin yelled “Son of a bitch”

“8” you say with a laugh. Of course THIS is where the dice would betray me, you think to yourself.

“That’s good though because we can all fight then on your turn, give us all the heals,” Mike said to you as Eddie rolled for the monsters. You took a look at Eddie and enjoyed seeing him focused on one of his favorite things. He almost had a dark glow to him.

“Alright, Grant you first. What are you gonna do?” Eddie asks.

“I’m gonna use my 30ft of movement and run as fast as I can towards the kobolds with my sword drawn,” Grant says. By the time it was your turn, everyone had taken 10 of Armor damage and a few extra hits.

“So Agneta, it’s your turn. What would you like to do m’lady?” Eddie asked, relaxing in his throne as he watched you go through your spells.

“I’m gonna cast Heal at level four and give everyone some energy” you say.

“You’re not gonna attack?” Eddie asks.

“Oh I can Dungeon Master? I thought it was one thing per action,” you say.

“I’ll let you get a swing in,” Eddie offered.

“Alright, how close is the nearest one to me?” You ask, standing as you analyze the board.

“Bout 25 feet,” Eddie says.

“I’ll loose 3 arrows at it,” you say as you start to roll out your attacks “That’s a Nat 20, a–”

“Don’t forget your modifier!” Dustin whispered.

“That’s a 22, an 18 and an 8” you say confidently.

“The 22 and the 18 hit so roll your damage.” Eddie says, writing down numbers behind his screen.

“That’ll be 10 damage” you say.

“Nicely done Agneta!” Dustin says.

The game went on like this for hours, you healing them as the battle wore on and getting a few hits in. It got down to the last kobold and you had taken out one of its wings thanks to a well shot arrow so it couldn’t fly away. Everyone was getting their hits in and you were doing your best to heal.

“Y/N take a Wisdom saving throw” Eddie says.

“Why?” you ask confused.

“Because the monster's attention turned towards you,” you roll an 18 and add your wisdom modifier.

“21,” you announce.

“You’re safe for now. But what are you gonna do since it is your turn?” Eddie asks.

“I’m gonna run a blade through the fucker’s head,” you say as they all cackle; Eddie’s more sadistic. You roll the dice and watch as it rolls across the board, gaining momentum. You all watch as it finally lands, a 20 facing up.

“CRIT HIT!” you yell.

“Holy shit she did it!” Gareth yelled.

“We did it!” Mike yelled, hugging Dustin.

“QUIET! M’lady how would you like to kill it?” Eddie asks as the cheering ends and all eyes are on you.

“If I may, I’d like to borrow Gareth the Great’s longsword and kill it that way?” you ask, looking between Eddie and Gareth.

“Oh go for it,” Gareth said.

“Alright so Agneta of Lothlorien walks up to Gareth the Great, grabbing his offered longsword and runs up to the remaining creature , like a Valkyrie leaping into battle with a mighty roar, she drives the sword into the kobolds head, this clearing out the cave to completion. Because of your party’s bravery, she offers you solace for the night at the King’s Castle for he will have a mission for you on the next session,” Eddie concludes with a clap as everyone congratulates each other and chats excitedly.

“Thanks Y/N! You were really awesome tonight!” Mike said as he patted your shoulder, too cool to hug you in front of his new older friends.

“You’re welcome. I honestly forgot how fun it was so thanks for asking me. Do either of you need a ride home since I’m feeling generous?” you ask as you pack up your papers.

“Only if we get those diner fries we used to get when you’d babysit,” Dustin counters.

“Okay fine. I could go for some fries after a long night’s battle,” you say as they cheer.

“Hey Y/N. Come here for a second?” Eddie asks as his friends clear out.

“Go ahead and start the car. Just start it; I swear to God if you so much as move it an inch, I’m borrowing Gareth’s sword and slaying you next,” you threaten as you give Dustin the keys and they nod, running out of the room quickly.

“You did great tonight Y/N. I had no idea you played,” Eddie said as you walked towards him.

“It was only a few campaigns but I guess I did play enough to get to level 15 so…” you say with a laugh.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Eddie asked.

“I wanted to surprise you and I was gonna tell you eventually but then the boys asked me at lunch to sub and I knew if they didn’t get one, you’d be stuck one man down so I offered my services. Besides, it was the best Friday night I’ve had in a while,” you say.

“Yeah? Are you thinking about joining my club?” Eddie asked excitedly.

“Only if you make me one of those cool Hellfire shirts,” you counter.

“Deal. Now get out of here; you’ve got children waiting for you.” Eddie says

“No, let me help you clean up as a thank you for letting me play tonight,” you say as you start to put the miniatures in a box.

“Five minutes then you gotta take the kids home,” Eddie says sternly. You nod in agreement as you work in a comfortable conversation, gushing about the campaign.

“For the record, I wasn’t going easy on you. I treat all players the same,” Eddie says.

“Thank you Eddie, I really do appreciate that,” you say genuinely.

“Here, this is good enough for a clean up job. Let’s get out of here,” Eddie said, grabbing his DM stuff and putting it in a black backpack with one strap broken.

“If you say so. Are you still coming over after I drop the kids off?” you ask.

“Of course,” Eddie said as he picked up his backpack.

“Give me like 30 minutes to get home since I promised them food and Mike lives further from me than Dustin does.” you note.

“Alright Princess, sounds good: Eddie says before laughing.

“What’s so funny?” you ask

“My princess slayed a dragon tonight. You see the irony right?” Eddie asked as you walked down the halls and you couldn’t fight the smile on your face when he said My Princess. Like you were his for a moment. You wanted to live in that moment forever.

“Hmm…I guess I did, didn't I? You say coyly as you walk outside. You didn’t see any cars out there except your car and Eddie’s van a ways away. But you could hear the boys jamming out in your car to Starship and you laughed.

“They’re good kids,” Eddie says watching them jam out in your car as you got closer.

“Yeah they really are,” you say, “They’re little shits but they try to do the right things and that’s what really matters.”

“That checks out,” Eddie says as you get to the tail end of your car.

“So I'll see you soon. Please drive safely.” Eddie says as he grabs your hand.

“Always especially with Wheeler’s back seat driving,” you say, squeezing his hand.

“I’ll be at your house as soon as I run this stuff to my trailer,” Eddie says as he hugs you goodbye. It felt just like it did earlier that day and you welcomed the sensation again. You hugged for a bit before pulling away and going to the car door, opening it and receiving wolf whistles in exchange from the children.

“Shut it!” you yell in the car as you wave bye to Eddie, who laughed and returned your wave as he headed to his van. You closed the door and looked over, seeing the boys already staring at you.

“What?” you ask.

“What’s up with you and Eddie?” Mike asks, looking at you weird.

“What do you mean? We’re–”

“Nope. Don’t say friends because I’ve seen Eddie with friends and that’s not it,” Dustin says.

“He’s my best friend guys. So what if we hug and hold hands? He helped me through a really rough patch this month and he wanted to hang out tonight anyways,” you say.

“How often do you hang out?” Dustin asks.

“Like every other day when he’s not at Hellfire or Corroded Coffin practice.” you say.

“Face it Y/N: he’s into you,” Mike said from the back seat as you reversed and pulled forward, starting towards the Daylight Diner.

“He’s not,” you say.

“Do you not like him cause it’s obvious you do. He’s over every other day by the way,” Dustin announces to Mike in the back. You look over at him sternly. “I have eyes Y/N and I know what his van looks like. Guys don’t just spend all their time with a girl unless they are into them,” Dustin says.

“Then what do I do, oh wise ones?” you sass as the song changes to one you don’t know.

“Ask him out. Tell him how you feel,” Dustin says.

“Anything so we all don’t have to suffer through whatever is going on here,,” Mike said.

“Okay do we not remember how you ditched everyone for El last summer or–” you say as Dustin laughs loudly.

“BUSTED!” He says.

“That’s–”

“Different? No it’s not. It took you two years to admit you liked her so you don’t get to talk anymore bud,” you say with a laugh. You put in your tape to kill the awkward silence, the sound of the Ramones filling the car. You sang along to Blitzkrieg Bop with the boys and it changed to a more poppy punk song.

“Hey little girl I wanna be your boyfriend, sweet little girl I wanna be your boyfriend. Do you love me babe? What do you say? Do you love me babe? What can I say?” you sang as you pulled up to the diner. You parked and all got out. You opened the diner door for them and headed straight for the diner.

“Hi sweeties. What can I get for you?” the waitress asked.

“Can I get 4 orders of fries and 3 cokes?” you say, fishing out some money and handing it to her. “No change, the rest is yours.”

“Thank you honey. I should have that in a few minutes,” the waitress said as she walked away.

“So what do we do if we find out Eddie does like you?” Dustin asks.

“Then you keep it to yourself. We’re big kids who can figure it out on our own.” you say,

“Yeah that’s not gonna happen,” Mike said.

“Which part?” you ask.

“The ‘You’ll Figure it out on your own’ part. You saw what happened with Steve and Ali” Mike said.

“Okay that’s true but how would I go about doing that? Girls don’t ask out guys.” you say.

“Write him a letter telling him how you feel.” Dustin recommends. You look at him for a moment before the waitress returns with your food. You grabbed it and got up.

“I’ll figure it out guys I promise. Now let’s get you home so I can finally relax.” you say.

“And see Eddieeeeee,” the boys tease as they run to try and get shotgun.

By the time you got home, Eddie hadn’t arrived yet so you changed into a pair of pajama pants and put your hair up out of your face. Soon enough, you heard a van pull up outside playing loud rock music, signaling Eddie’s arrival. You had left the door unlocked so moments later, you heard it open and close, Norm barking once or twice in excitement.

“Hey buddy. Where’s your mama?” Eddie asked as he pet the dog.

“I’m upstairs, come on up.” you yell from your room opening the window to help air out the room from the incense and the smoking you were about to do. You heard Eddie bounding up the stairs.

“Hey you! Get the kids home safe?” he asked as he entered the room, sitting on the bed.

“Yep. We stopped at the diner so one of those fries is yours actually,” you offer as you light the candles.

“I will inhale those after I roll these joints,” Eddie says as he grabs the book from your nightstand and his black lunch pail.

“So what’s the plan for Halloween next week?” you ask as you walk over to the bed.

“I was gonna stop by the parties and try to make a little extra cash then see what you were doing.”” Eddie says, grabbing his weed and papers.

“I was gonna dress up and maybe see what Ali and Robin were gonna do. Probably best if I avoid parties for now.” you admit.

“A wise decision. Wanna have a movie night?” Eddie offers.

“Only if we get to watch Rocky Horror Picture Show. I’ll let you rent whatever bullshit horror movie you want but you’re watching it with me,” you say.

“Okay deal.” Eddie says as he’s rolling the first joint. You wait for him to finish both joints as he hands you one of them and puts the other one in his mouth. You offer him a lighter after lighting yours, inhaling a decent sized hit. He lights his and inhales, holding it for a moment as you both exhale.

“What are you gonna dress up as?” Eddie asks.

“I’m gonna be Columbia from Rocky Horror. The redhead in the shorts from the movie.” you say with a smile. “What are you gonna be?”

“It’s a surprise, '' Eddie said with a wicked smile.

“Okay I won’t ask any more questions,” you laugh.

“Good because I won’t answer them,” Eddie said, taking a hit.

“Did you hear about Metallica coming to Indianapolis in January,” you ask excitedly.

“What? NO! Are you trying to go?” Eddie asked excitedly.

“Oh absolutely. I’ve already started to save for a pair of tickets for us,” you say.

“I can pay my way Y/N. Don’t worry about me,” he says, patting your thigh but leaving his hand there.

“Okay well we better buy them before Thanksgiving,” you note as you take a hit.

“We will don’t worry!” Eddie says. You enjoy the moment of silence while you two smoke your joints just relishing in each other’s company. It was one of the rare relaxing moments in both of your lives and you both looked forward to it. You finished your joints and put them in the ashtray by your bed.

“I should get outta here. I gotta be up early so I can cook Wayne breakfast tomorrow morning since he’s been working a lot lately,” Eddie said, getting up off the bed.

“Let me walk you out so I can lock the front door behind you,” you said, getting up as well, “That’s really sweet that you’re cooking for your uncle. I should probably do the same thing tomorrow since he’s coming over tomorrow.”

“Yeah? What are you guys getting up to tomorrow?” Eddie asks as he walks down the stairs.

“College applications. He’s coming over to help my mom and I weigh options.” you say.

“You sound thrilled,” Eddie says sarcastically.

“Don’t I?” you say equally as sarcastic as you open the door.

“See you on Monday then?” Eddie asked.

“Yeah I’ll see you on Monday Eddie,” you say, hugging him.

“Sleep tight princess,” he says in your ear before pulling away with a smile and closing the door. You lock the door and go back upstairs to lay down, the events of the day running through your head as you fall asleep.

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#eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson fanfiction #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson x you #eddie munson slow burn #eddie munson friends to lovers #strange love an eddie fic #hellfirehaley #eddie munson x yn #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson angst

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abbyindenhaag · 1 year

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Marathon Marching

After navigating through the first streamlets of early-bird marathon spectators, our first stop today was the Cabinet War Rooms in nearby Westminster. Basically, the war rooms were an underground HQ created just weeks before the outbreak of war in 1939, and included the most important operations as well as living quarters. They were closed up and sealed off very soon after the war ended in 1945, so they were able to be restored quite faithfully and turned into a museum documenting their use at the time. I wouldn’t say I learned very much surprising there, since I feel the British war effort is *exceedingly* well-documented, but I appreciated seeing the “rooms where it happened”, as it were. There were videos of women who had worked as secretaries when they were 18 recalling the environment -- some of it sounded Covid-y, like being cooped up in tiny rooms and rarely going outside, and not knowing if disaster was coming for you today or not, but others less so (like, the camaraderie of being around other people). It was horribly stuffy and hot, and people were theoretically protected from some dangers, e.g. they had gas masks and armed guards, but probably the gas mask wouldn’t work and the concrete slab above the rooms may not have done anything if the building really was bombed, and anyway if the Germans managed to breach the banks of the Thames somehow the basements could have been flooded. But, they carried on.

Above: Reconstruction of an officer’s chambers underground. Note the carpet - a sign of status!

The visit inspired us to start reading a book that has long been on Bart’s list called An Army at Dawn, about the Allied North Africa campaign in 1942-43. I don’t usually read war books, for possibly obvious reasons (it’s the death and suffering), but I have been enjoying this one so far. I’m a little ashamed to admit that in recent years I have felt a certain lack of curiosity about history, among other nonfiction topics. I’m not sure whether this is due to the narrowness of the economist’s gaze, a feeling that at 29 I’ve got a pretty good idea of How Things Generally Work, or something else. But learning more about a campaign that I could probably have told you max one sentence about before has reminded me how refreshing details can be. The quartermasters in the US bought up thousands of pairs of nylon stockings to send with the armada to barter with North Africans! Ships’ cargo holds were packed so badly that soldiers broke windshields climbing over trucks looking for their gear. The wind was so treacherous at the Rock of Gibraltar that windsocks at the ends of the runway often pointed opposite directions! Beyond the drama, the details also have been reminding me that nothing is written in advance. Enough uncertainty exists -- in weather conditions and human nature -- that the course of history could easily have gone differently. So there’s a reason to want to learn why things turned out the way they did.

The other really cool thing in the museum was they had some of the original charts and documents that were used in the map room. You could see all the holes in the maps where they had moved ships around the ocean, with surprisingly many dots on the US Atlantic seaboard. I hadn’t realized there was so much relevant activity there? Also, close to my heart, there was a chart of food price inflation by category over the years. Besides the subject matter (inflation), it also makes one think about how much more work it took to make a chart back then than it does now. How long do we think this took to make? Three hours? A day?

There was another part of the museum focused on Churchill, his life and his legacy. Bart was surprised his parents totally ignored him as a child, while I had basically expected that as an upper-class young British lad. I hadn’t known, though, that he supplemented his income in the early years of his soldiering by selling articles to newspapers as a war correspondent. Based on the bits of his speeches that I know, I expect he was an exceedingly good writer, so I kind of want to read his memoir of his early years just for the writing. I’d also like to learn more about his wife, who sounds like an excellent person but did not get a lot of airtime in this museum.

When we emerged from the museum the marathon was in full swing. The grounds outside Whitehall (above, maybe? IDK any of the building names and they are all white and hall-ish) had been made up into a stadium and the final ~600 meters of the race were around the edge of St. James’s Park, which we walked through on our way to Hyde Park and Kensington Gardens. I strongly dislike crowds and don’t really understand the appeal of watching repeated cross-sections of an objectively somewhat boring activity, so I was surprised to find myself a bit swept up by the energy of the crowd cheering for the runners on the last leg. We humans are odd creatures.

I don’t have super much to report from Hyde Park/Kensington Gardens except that it is a huge relief to finally know what they look like and how they fit together. And what the average population density is! Strikingly, it was much lower density than Central Park in Manhattan, though that might possibly have been due to the drizzliness. But I don’t think so, I think they genuinely just have a lot of green space that they are willing to mow.

Above: Bart and his fuel (tea)

Below: Me and my fuel (flowers and turtlenecks)

For some reason, there was a statue of a guy on a horse who appeared to have no skin, called only “physical energy.” ?????

After the Parks we wandered around Kensington and grabbed lunch in this cute cafe, which had excellent crepes:

Kensington had tons of beautiful houses, flowering trees, and expensive cars.Bart pointed out that the buildings typically go to 5 or 6 stories instead of the 3-story Boston standard, and they didn’t look any less nice. Hear that, Boston?!

Below: a policeman exhausted by the marathon crowds we encountered on our way back to our hotel. Me too, man. But maybe for different reasons. Our mile count for the day was about 7.5 -- so like, one quarter of a marathon. At walking pace. Over the whole day. Practically the same!

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yutahoes · 2 years

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Surrogate

(Part Nine - Last Chapter)

PART ONE - PART TWO - PART THREE - PART FOUR - PART FIVE - PART SIX - PART SEVEN - PART EIGHT

pairing: ex- boyfriend! Yuta Nakamoto x female! showgirl! Reader (feat. Mark Lee and Qian Kun) word count: 3.6k words genre: chaptered, fluff, angst summary: Agreeing to be a surrogate for a gay couple doesn’t have to surprise you like this. warnings: matured themes, gay marriage, surrogacy, Reader is a sex worker, cursing, pregnancy, a lot of drama

taglist: @meowniee @aiforyuu @roohnyk @a-bts-world @thetwinkrenjun @multiyuta @destinyg237 @freshtaledonut @sunshinetaetaev @baehaechannie @ytzvivi @yujaesbestiee @what-sarah @foreverabrunette @a-place-filled-with-random @anonjyxd @joepomonerof @iwannabreathetosetmefree @brightestmark

"I personally think that the baby is a boy," Mark claimed, standing beside you inside the hospital room. "They said pregnant mothers are blooming when they carry boys."

You grinned at him but Yuta shook his head. "Then it must be a girl. Y/N looks stressed every day." You glared at him, pinching his arm that made him yelp in pain. Mark chuckled before commenting that he liked how closer you became with Yuta.

The talk really helped a lot. There's no awkwardness between the two of you now.

Kun lightly tapped your stomach that has the gel used for the ultrasound. "I think you're still pretty, Y/N." he commented before heading to the machine to check on it. You heard Yuta make a gagging noise and Mark giggle. "Are you ready to know the gender of the baby?"

You nodded before feeling the cold apparatus on the skin of your stomach. Mark kept on asking you if it is painful but you just shook your head, grasping his hand in comfort. Kun had a serious look on his face and you grew worried. Why is his reaction like that? Is there something wrong with the baby?

"The baby is a she."

"I told you," Yuta whispered before a flood of tears came out of your eyes. Mark had to slap his husband while Kun handed you tissues.

A girl? The baby inside you is a girl? Damn these pregnancy hormones for making you overly sensitive on these things.

It perfectly occurred to you that you are indeed pregnant. You grew conscious when Mark would often refer to 'she' as the person inside your stomach. A baby is really growing inside of you, a baby girl to be exact.

You were also annoyed at the fact that Yuta is right, you feel so bloated and so unattractive. You are indeed an ugly pregnant lady.

But Kun would always gush at how pretty you looked, how attractive you are even if you were just sitting on the couch and munching on fries. He was always visiting you, on his day off, checking on how you are. Mark calls it your special privilege as Kun's girlfriend. If Yuta easily gets turned on with fishnet stockings, maybe Kun is the same with pregnant women. And it scared you. He's an obstetrician.

Mark, on the other hand, is always extra understanding. He really is an angel. He never gets mad even if you ask him to buy you sushi in the middle of the night or ask him to massage your sore legs. There are times when you were seated next to each other and his hand would unconsciously rub the bulge of your stomach. Maybe Mark also likes pregnant women.

They are so weird.

"Markie," you called and he answered with a 'Yes, babe?' that make Yuta snicker, seated beside you. "Do you want to marry me?" The younger male laughed and then gave you a confused look. "Let's leave Yuta and just get married."

Yuta took both your attention before sitting between you and Mark, creating a blockage between the two of you. "Mark is mine." You whined Mark's name, reaching out to him but Yuta kept pushing you away while holding his husband's arm. "You have your Kun, stop clinging to mine."

You pouted, "I can share Kun with Markie."

"Well, that is tempting." Mark whispered in a teasing tone, making Yuta glare at him.

When you go to New York, you'll definitely miss the two of them.

It was one of the days when you were left at home with Yuta, Mark had to arrange some things in his work before his so-called ‘maternal leave’. Kun had given you three weeks before the baby’s due date and Mark is extra excited to meet the baby. Yuta handed you a glass of milk before stopping in his tracks to look at your stomach. “Are you alright?” he asked and you nodded, looking at him in confusion. “Your stomach.” A bump formed on your stomach, easily seen by the tight shirt you were wearing.

“The baby is kicking.” You quickly told him as he knelt in front of you asking if he could touch your stomach. You nodded. “This usually happens lately and Kun said that it’s a sign that the baby is healthy.”

“It’s my first time seeing it.” His gentle fingers followed the movement, smiling. “Does it hurt?”

You shook your head. At first, it was. You even thought that the baby will suddenly come out of your skin. You had to call Kun late at night and he assured you that it was normal. “She likes it if you talk to her.” You noticed how active the baby is whenever Mark would tell her a bedtime story.

“Can I?” You nodded. “Hi princess,” You laughed. It was the same words Mark would use to address her. “Are you excited to come out?” There was another movement in your stomach as if she was responding to Yuta’s voice. “Papa is excited to see you as well.” Yuta’s finger trailed on the skin of your stomach, “Please come out healthy,” You only heard him sniff before wiping his eye discreetly. “My daughter.”

A little father-daughter bond. An experience you can only see now. Never again.

“Y/N, thank you.” You turned to him in surprise. “In the end, it was still you who will complete my dream.”

Yuta might have really loved the idea of having a child. You have never seen him cry before, even if you know him for years. Just now. You were also surprised when he said that he wanted to lie on your lap so he can be near the baby. He was humming a song to her, chuckling whenever you groan if the baby kicks.

When Mark entered the house, claiming that he has sushi, you immediately put a finger on your lip. He looked surprised that Yuta is sleeping on the couch, head on your lap. “He cried today.” You said and the surprise on Mark’s face made you laugh. You wouldn’t believe it either if you didn’t witness it. “You were right, Yuta does want this child.”

Mark smiled just as Yuta stirred in his sleep. He completely woke up seeing his husband standing by the the couch. “You’re home. Did you eat already?” Mark nodded and you watched how Yuta kissed the top of the younger’s head. They look so good together.

And you were sure that a baby can complete what they have.

“Let’s go to the mall tomorrow.” Mark announced, “Let’s buy some things for the baby.”

And from the tone of his voice, you knew it isn’t only Yuta who wanted this child.

“Should we buy pink socks? Or light blue socks?” Mark asked showing two colors of baby socks. “Let’s just get both and maybe a white one.” You glanced at Yuta who was holding the pushcart full of things for the baby. Mark had been selecting a lot of things, in different colors as well. You knew they were rich and that Mark had a portion of his money for the baby’s birth but this is just too much. The baby might grow up without using some of the things he bought.

“Shouldn’t you stop him?” You asked but Yuta just shook his head, laughing. “He’s excited. Just let him.” You nodded. He does look like it.

You were just strolling around with Yuta, looking for Mark who seemed to be hiding from the two of you. “Oh my God. Y/N! Yuta!” You heard someone call that made you turn to the owner of the voice. A classmate from before. You remember she was one of the few who was at the reunion. She stared at your stomach then at the two of you. “The two of you finally got back together.” She exclaimed which made your eyes widen. “I have to go tell my husband.”

“Wait, it’s not…” But she’s already walking briskly to one side of the store.

You were ready to follow her when you heard a voice from behind you. “Got back together?” You and Yuta stared at Mark who looked surprised. Did he hear everything? Fuck, you should have told him everything beforehand. “Of course, how stupid of me.” He claimed with a laugh.

“Mark, it’s not what you think…”

“I’ve always wondered why Yuta knows you hated the sides of the toasts. That you know Yuta hated mushrooms on his pasta.” He said quietly and you glanced at Yuta who was only staring at Mark. He should do something. “Did you two plan this?” What? “Then you’ll run away with the baby after everything?”

You stepped forward to hold Mark but he stepped back. Pain is written on his face and you perfectly understood how betrayed he must have felt. “Mark, don’t overreact,” Yuta claimed which made you look at him in annoyance. That’s all he’s going to say? He’s just adding oil to the fire.

“What about Kun, Y/N? Is he a decoy or are you a slut who wants two guys at once?” What?

“Mark!” Yuta shouted, earning looks from other people in the store.

The younger removed his ring then threw it at Yuta. “I shouldn’t have trusted you both.” He walked past you and Yuta, the older guy ready to hold him back but your stomach had other ideas.

It was different from the usual pain of the baby kicking. This is more intense. Like your body being ripped in half. A strangled moan escaped your lips as you crouched down to stop your stomach from acting up. “Y/N, what’s wrong?” Yuta asked and you held on to his arm, groaning in pain. From the corner of your vision, you can see Mark’s worried gaze on you.

Then you felt it. Water gushing from your core followed by excruciating pain. “Mark, hurry up and call Kun.” You heard Yuta say before he carried you in his arms, Mark saying Kun’s name through the phone.

The baby shouldn’t come out now. It’s two weeks early. Why is this happening now? And why is it so painful? “Deep breaths, Y/N.” Mark whispered, holding you tight as you were both seated on the backseat of the car. “Yuta, hurry up!”

“I’m trying!” the driver shouted, panic evident in his voice.

“Mark,” you called weakly. “I’m sorry. It’s not what you think. Yuta and I…”

“Save your energy for the baby.” You held on to his shoulder as a sudden pain can be felt.

Unlike the two others guys, Kun was calm when you reached the hospital. He assured you that you’ll be fine and you’re doing great, reminding you to keep taking heavy breaths. “I need one of you inside the emergency room.” You heard Kun say to the two guys before hearing Mark’s voice saying, “Yuta, you should go. She’s your daughter.”

The lights inside the room were so bright that you were sweating hard. It also didn’t help that you just wanted to just strangle someone with the pain you’re feeling. “Do you trust me, Y/N?” Kun asked, standing in front of you.

“Can you ask me that question when you’re inserting something inside me, not taking something out of me?”

You heard him chuckle, “God, I love your sense of humor.” You rolled your eyes before grasping Yuta’s hand tight. “I want you to push, Y/N. Breathe hard then push.” You nodded and saw how he looked at Yuta.

The guy holding you wiped the sweat on your face, “Listen to Kun, Y/N. You can do this.” You keep on shaking your head, telling him that you cannot do it but he would hush you up, telling you that you can. Groans of pain can be heard echoing through the room. How can childbirth hurt like this?

You realized once again how amazing mothers are. How they carry a child inside their stomach for nine months? All the sleepless nights, the unhealthy cravings, the anxiety of just keeping the person inside them alive. Then the fucking pain of getting that baby out of them.

You should have been a better daughter to your mom.

Then the pain was gone. The sound of beeping, heavy breathing and groans were replaced by a loud screeching cry. The baby is here. She’s out of you now.

She isn’t yours anymore.

“I’m sorry I’m the first person to hold her,” Kun claimed, rocking the baby in his arms. He was supposed to give you the child but you gestured to Yuta, asking the doctor to teach her father how to hold her.

The light in Yuta’s eyes twinkled as he gazed at the smaller human in his arms. He looked so happy. The happiness he deserved. “Yuta, I’m done with my job. You should do yours.” Both he and Kun stared at you in surprise, “Take care of her,”

You gave one last look at the child in his arms before continuing, “...and Mark.”

---------------

With the last note you belted, you saw how the audience erupted with cheers and a standing ovation. The loud applause that you have always dreamed of, happening in front of you. A dream you cannot possibly reach without the people supporting you with all their might.

You spotted your mom with tears in her eyes as if it was the first time she saw you standing on stage. New York is honestly a great help for her. It was hard at first. She kept on looking for Hana, thinking that she was you. But you didn’t leave her side everyday, even if it hurts you. You should be a better daughter, you promised yourself that. Then one day, she just woke up and hugged you tight. It was such a dramatic moment. Her voice breaking while apologizing and you, crying heavily at the regret of not taking care of her enough.

A thorn in your heart was removed that night.

And you were thankful that the only family member you had is getting better. That the woman who carried you for nine months and even sacrificed herself to give birth to you is back.

“Y/N,” Kim Doyoung, your co-actor called while hugging you tight. “Congratulations on another jam-packed night.” You giggled and congratulated him as well. It wouldn’t be possible to fill the theater if not for him.

It was a small theater and a small production but it’s still Broadway so it holds something. A dream you never thought you would actually reach. A musical actress. In Broadway. Who would have thought that it will come true? “Please thank your husband for the food he sent,” he claimed and you nodded at him.

And it was all because of him. He supported you with everything: the failed auditions, the supporting gigs, and all the line reciting. He had been your number one supporter. Your rock who never changed since day one. The person who gives you all the happiness in the world.

“I’m surprised he still has time to cook this amazing lunch when he’s busy in the hospital.” one co-actor claimed that made you smile. “That’s how Doctor Qian Kun loves his wife.” Doyoung continued.

The smile didn’t leave your face as they complimented your husband’s cooking skills. When Kun promised that he’ll take care of you, he did do it. Although he was promoted as a senior doctor in a New York hospital, he never failed to do everything for you. And you were thankful.

“You did great earlier.” your husband complimented, arm wrapped around your waist as he kissed you on the forehead. “I feel like falling in love with you all over again.” A giggle escaped your lips. His classic line. Such a romanticist. “Oh, and honey, someone is here to see you.” A curious look was all you can give him when he pointed outside the door to greet your visitor.

Your heart kept on stammering hard on your chest. Kun knows you hated surprises so what is this all of a sudden? When you opened the door, a bouquet of flowers is what you can see covering the face of the person who wanted to see you. When he put it down, you were shocked to see a beaming guy in front of you. “Hey, babe.” You opened your arms to hug Mark, asking him how he found you. “I saw you on the poster outside. It’s so hard to get tickets but I’m glad I scored one.”

“Are you alone here in New York?” You looked behind him to see if he was with someone else and he nodded while apologizing that it was a business trip. “I’m so happy to see you.”

“Me too, Y/N.” He whispered before hugging you once again. “I’m sorry.”

When you gave birth, you found out from Kun that Mark just disappeared. It was Yuta who explained that he went to Canada to ‘clear his head’ and that when the baby is cleared, they’ll go to him. Their flight was the last time you saw Yuta and their daughter. You didn’t have the chance to apologized to him but he’s here and doing it for you.

“I should have listened to you that time.” He continued, “And I’m sorry for saying mean words to you.” You shook your head. That was all in the past now. You moved on. Hopefully, he also moved on. “I feel bad when Yuta told me that you didn’t accept the money. I’m really sorry, Y/N.”

You shook your head. You’re more apologetic for keeping him in the dark. “If it helps, Yuta does love you. He cares a lot about you and he’s taking care of our daughter.” You smiled but he continued, “Your daughter.” You gave him an apologetic look. “Thank you Y/N for making Yuta’s dreams come true. For making us happy.” You called his name while crying but he only pulled you in for a hug once again, rubbing the back of your head. “You’re not pregnant yet you still cry easily.”

A chuckle escaped your lips, “I love you, Y/N.” He whispered, “If only I’m not gay and you’re not married.”

You hastily wiped the tears from your eyes, laughing. “And I also love you, Markie.”

He laughed, that infectious laugh that you missed so bad. “Congratulations on your marriage with Kun. Yuta had to cry when we found out because he’s not invited.” You laughed at that. That’s impossible besides it was just a small wedding. If not for Kun’s preparedness, you might assume that it was an out-of-spur moment. But it’s still memorable for you. “If you have time to go visit us, you should see Ichika. She actually adores you.”

That made you stop. Their daughter knows about you?

-------

“She looks exactly like you,” Kun whispered while watching the younger girl run to the playground of the kids’ café, Yuta following close behind her.

And you thought you wouldn’t see them together again.

It was Kun who convinced you to meet Ichika, reasoning out that he’s curious about what she looks like. You were astounded when she entered the door of the café, followed by her two dads, and ran excitedly to you while calling you ‘mommy’. It was a different feeling. Your heart beating fast when she hugged you and kept on exclaiming that she had always wanted to hug you.

You only stared at the young girl smiling at you, waving her hand. That’s her already? She used to be inside your stomach, kicking you. But now, she’s running and playing with other kids. A warm feeling engulfed your heart every time you would hear the word ‘mommy’ coming out of her lips. Maybe you’re more attached to her than you initially thought.

The baby who once occupied your stomach. Now, a young girl occupying your heart.

“She had been begging us to go to New York just to see you.” Mark claimed then chuckled, “She didn’t even sleep last night when we told her we’re meeting you and kept asking us if her dress is pretty.” Ichika laughed, the same infectious laugh as Mark’s. But when she smiled, she had the same toothy grin as Yuta.

“She’s so big now.” You exclaimed, staring lovingly at her before bopping her nose. “And your dress looks so pretty.” The younger girl giggled shyly.

Mark claimed that even at a young age they explained everything to Ichika. It worried you at first, before seeing them, about her reaction to you marrying another guy that is not her father. But Ichika was also warm to Kun and even called him ‘Daddy Kun’ when she gave him a hug. “Mommy and daddy Kun can have a baby, right papa?” She asked and Yuta nodded. “Mommy, can I have a younger sibling?”

Kun held your hand tight from under the table. “Ichika, we already talked about it,” Mark exclaimed but the younger just reasoned out that it’s still her brother even if it is yours and Kun’s child. Which is technically correct.

She’s also smart. She can’t get it from you or even Yuta. Maybe Mark? Or Kun?

When she left to go play again, Mark apologized. “But you’re married, aren’t you planning to have a child?” Yuta asked which made his husband glare at him.

You do. You had even planned it before getting married. “We wanted to.” Kun started and it was your turn to hold his hand tight while gently calling his name. He shouldn’t just tell this to them. Isn’t it too personal?

But Kun just smiled your way, “I have fertility issues so it’s hard for us to conceive a baby.” You sighed. It’s not a big deal. You already assured him that if you cannot have a child, it would be fine. But he was the one who actually wanted it. “We’re currently looking for sperm donors.”

It was your last choice. Luckily, his work is involved in these things so it isn’t a problem for the both of you. Yet the idea of having someone else’s sperm inside you, breeding you, is weird.

“What about Yuta?” The three of you looked at Mark in confusion and surprise. “You’ve done it before and it will be Ichika’s dream come true. To have a younger sibling.” What? Can Mark even hear himself?

“That’s not a bad thought.” Kun agreed and you stared at him in surprise. What? He can’t be serious. “It is better if it’s Yuta who would put a baby inside you.” Is this some kind of a dream? Is this really Kun, your husband?

“Are you seriously alright with this?” Mark and Kun both nodded. You turned to Yuta who only shrugged.

“Y/N, just let Yuta help you the way you helped us.”

“Yeah, love, it’s fine. I trust Yuta more than I trust other guys.”

Your head starting spinning at the thought. You and Yuta? Once again?

—---

“I guess we’ll have to do this again,” Yuta claimed, seated on the hotel bed that made you breath heavily.

“Why are we even stuck together like this?”

Yuta chuckled at that, nodding. “It was our husbands' idea,” he claimed and you nodded, rolling your eyes. You can definitely claim that both Mark and Kun have some weird kinks. “Do you think something will happen to them in the next room?”

A giggle escaped your lips, “I don’t think Kun rolls like that.” You glanced at the wall by the headboard of the bed. “But they are surely listening from the next room.”

“We’re not!” You heard Mark’s muffled voice from the next room, Kun hushing him up, which made you laugh. Truly weird.

“Then,” Yuta started removing his shirt. You screamed when he pushed you to bed, body bouncing on the soft mattress. “Be loud for our husbands next room.”

Maybe this will be your destiny together.

To be a surrogate with Yuta.

Surrogate Special Chapter: Inconvenient Family

#yuta #yuta nakamoto #nakamoto yuta #yuta chaptered #yuta nakamoto chaptered #nakamoto yuta chaptered #surrogate reader

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itoldsunset · 3 years

Text

so i never posted this but a while ago i translated parts of this podcast episode (linking it here just so y’all know where it’s from, but there are no subs) where they’re talking about thai bl and the lgbtq community.

a lot of this is stuff we already talk about in the fandom but i wanted to share this since we consume a lot of thai content/bl here and i like hearing directly from lgbtq folks in thailand too:

there’s very little representation of various sexual orientations in thai bls, such as pansexuality and bisexuality.

most thai bl series are adapted from bl novels, which are essentially fantasies written so that people can access some happiness they don’t get in real life. because of the fantasy-like nature of these novels, it doesn’t always translate well to the screen, especially if the series producers didn’t make an effort to adapt the script. so that’s why sometimes the story is weird or the lines have a cartoonlike quality when they’re being delivered.

beauty privilege still plays a huge role in bl series. what we see happen is usually, the series can be whatever, but we hear “please support the actors, they’re good-looking,” whereas the content of the series often isn’t the thing that gets praised. and after the series ends, oftentimes the thing that remains is the image of the actors, not the series itself.

homophobia: “i’m not gay, i just like you”--it doesn’t make sense, being gay doesn’t mean you love every man in the world. they try to paint it in a romantic light in the sense of polyamory, like you only love this one person, but it ends up confusing people on what it means to be gay.

sexual harassment: not just in bl, but in all thai series and has been there for a while. like when one character puts their face up really close against another character who’s not into it, but the audience expects in their minds that they’re gonna end up together so some may allow it. and some also allow it because they’re attractive.

heteronormativity + gender roles, top/bottom dynamics: thai bls usually have the more feminine character be the one who is passively being pursued/hit on. part of this is because the writers are usually women and end up writing characters who are closest to them, as part of creating their fantasy. thai bls also replicate the gender binary in that there’s a tendency to have one person (the “top”) be the one to go out to work more, while the other one tends to do household chores, cook, etc. also, one of them mentioned having been approached by a woman who asked him who was the top/bottom in his relationship, and he said he felt like, “why is that question necessary? we’re the same gender, we’re both men.” he said we need to disconnect gender expression (femininity/masculinity) from sex positions (top/bottom), since one doesn’t necessarily reflect on the other.

also some comparison to yaoi (since that’s the origin) and they mentioned some research about how yaoi was born out of escapism from being part of an oppressed gender so that you could escape into a fantasy where you were as equal as possible in the fiction.

the term ‘y series’ (bl) is a way of avoiding saying gay or queer, reinforces the fantasy nature of the genre that it’s not about what it actually means for men who like men, and it tends not to explore their experiences beyond ‘i have a crush on you’--focuses on the gratification of shipping/imagination more than anything else.

do boys’ love dramas help the lgbtq community? thailand has so many bl series, so people might think thailand is accepting of lgbtq folks, but is that true?: “we can look at who makes up the majority of the fanbase, and we see that it’s mostly women. when the stories are about relationships between men, why are there fewer mlm fans than women?”

do bls hurt the lgbtq community?: in terms of reproducing stereotypes, like the way trans women are often depicted; also, the tendency of thai television (including bls) to devalue feminine men by using them as comic relief, so if you’re a man with a feminine gender expression, you have to be funny, you have to be obsessed with men, you have to entertain others, you have to exaggerate your femininity.

the treatment of women in thai bls: if they’re not just extras who are holding signs and screaming for the male leads, they’re the third person or the obstacle. even if they’re not doing anything wrong, they’re made into the person that the audience will hate. it’s as if there are no women allowed in bls because the presence of a woman will break the fantasy.

the bl industry is profiting off of a group of people who are still oppressed in society. as bl audiences, you can’t just consume bl for your own fantasies/personal satisfaction without thinking about what it means for the communities that are being impacted.

#thai bl #thai bls #textpost #other translations #lgbtq representation #media representation #my favorite way to waste time is scouring the internet for thai media critiques

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cannibal-witchh · 3 years

Text

Painting Heisenberg's Nails

Karl Heisenberg x Reader

(The hands belong to the beautiful Mads Mikkelsen 🖤)

Written by cannibal_witchh

Contains: Fluff, A little sexual context, A little explicit language, and definitely cringe

Notes: This is more in regards to my hand fetish, I am highly attracted to hands with rings, nail polish, and veins...so I decided to write a cringey story! It's extremely short but I wanted something a little different then just fucking.

"Seriously, doll?", he let out an exagerrated sigh, walking around his littered study room with his hands behind his head. "Please!", you begged, spinning in his desk chair, fidgeting with a metal trinket he had gifted you. It was a metal flower, it was coarse and rough in texture but you loved it. It was just like him and of course, him making it made it hold a greater importance to you.

"N-O, no! Can you imagine if the other lords saw me?", he shook his head with a grin, walking towards you, placing both his hands flat on your thighs and leaning towards you. You put your face right infront of his, nearly standing up to match his height. "Please, Karl!", you pleaded, pushing out your lower lip to pout. " Real mature. The many decades of being single and the one time I decide to be with anyone, I pick someone younger who whines.", he laughed, giving your thighs a tight squeeze. His glasses began to slide down his bridge, and he brought his hand up to pull them up to the top of his head. You always enjoyed when he did that, his spectacles would grab a few front hairs back and it would show more of his charming face. Anytime he did something with his hair you found it very attractive as a matter of fact.

"But you like it,", you smiled pecking him on the tip of his nose with a kiss. "Yes, yes I do.", he chuckled with a wide toothy grin. " Sooo...please?", you shot your last shot with your request and you witnessed the Lord Heisenberg release another heavy sigh. "Fine. Geez, there, aren't I a nice boyfriend?", he teased rolling his eyes at you.

A few moments had passed and the two of you had sat at his table. It was trashed with crumpled up papers and old scraps of old metal, you were used to the mess at this point so it didn't particularly trigger you. "Let's get this over with, princess.", Heisenberg peeled his gloves off revealing well sculpted aged hands. Veins webbing along his hand, wrists and fingers. Scars decorating all around them, and a large onyx ring and silver ring resting above two of his knuckles. You didn't see his hands often, he was always handling metal and he preferred to miminize as much damage to himself as he could. For a moment you admired his large masculine hands, before looking at him. " Ok, just relax or whatever it is you old guys do.", you winked shaking the nail polish paint bottle. " This old guy stares at his cute little buttercup.", he propped his head up in the palm of one hand, and slipped his other onto your's. He flashed a wink and smiled as his cigar bobbed between his teeth.

You unscrewed the nail polish cap and began painting black onto his nails. He made an obnoxious gagging sound and began fanning the aroma away from his long nose. " Smells like ass!", he complained pulling his cigar away from his lips. " And your cigars don't?", you raised an eyebrow, now moving to paint his ring finger, the finger that had the large onyx ring on it.

"Such a wild buttercup,", he grinned taking in another puff of his cigar. " You really do hang out too much with me. You get more and more fiesty everyday. And a big smart ass.", he exhaled grey clouds as they swirled and danced infront of you. The smell didn't agitate you much, you had been with him long enough that his smoking addiction was a regular everyday thing.

You were now finished with the first coat on his hand and he pulled it close to examine. " Hmm..the things, I seriously do for you.." He teased freeing his other hand to allow you to begin on. " You are such a drama queen.", you darted your eyes at him, dipping the brush back in the bottle for more paint.

" So why black?"

"It's hot."

He rolled his eyes at you once more and began to levitate a dagger in the air beside him. It spun and flipped all around to keep him entertained. Suddenly, he brought the dagger to trace your inner thigh, sending goosebumps along your leg. " Bad! Wait until this is dry...then we can.", you demanded swatting the knife away from your innermost thigh. " Can't even give me something to entertain myself with. Such a cruel women.", he whined throwing his head back to let out a bored groan. " Seriously Karl, you can get some afterwards.",, you finished his ring finger, delicately stroking any missing spots of black paint.

"Oh, what a wicked princess!", he dramatized continuing his complaints while pulling his cigar back in for a puff. "Almost done...", you muttered focusing heavily on creating smooth paint strokes. Heisenberg continued watching you for a moment then looked at his newly painted nails with an uncertain expression. "Ok, I'm going to do the second coat and then I'll be done.", you lightly smiled at your impatient boyfriend. He didn't seem to say anything, instead now he was occupied with making more knives float. He seriously was a child, it had not been that long and he was acting like this had been hours of sitting.

After a couple of minutes, you completed the second coat and the relief in his eyes was made apparent. " Do you like it, buttercup?", he drummed his finger tips on the table, drawing attention to his freshly colored nails. Although, it was tacky still, you let him have his fun. " Yes, I sure do.", you twisted the cap of the nail polish back on and moved it to the side. " Now, just be careful with you nails....now you can finally get it, old man.", you smiled widely leaning in to kiss him. A couple kisses were exchanged and you could feel he had a large grin on his face.

"HEISENBERG!" a voice rumbled.

The kissing ceased and the two of you drew your heads to the noise. It was Alcina, trying to squeeze through the door. It was not really often she was in Heisenberg's home, so this was a very bizarre occasion. She finally squeezed in and stood as tall as she could stand in his room. She stood out with how flawless and well dressed she was.

She sniffed the air, " Ah, seriously? Having Y/N painting your nails? ", she began to let out a wild chuckle laughing at his dark nails. " And this is who Mother Miranda had at one point entrusted with Y/N Y/L/N. And you are out here playing dress up now.", she continued to bellow.

"Shut your mouth and get out, super sized bitch! We are about to fuck! Now go!", his eyes glanced over at his recliner chair and you shook your head. Alcina noticed too and tried to control another large howl of laughter.

"You really are an old man.", you sighed knowing very well how serious he was about kicking the foot rest up and fucking you on that stupid old recliner chair.

"Oh fine, ta ta! Adleast pick somewhere more tasteful then that. After your pitiful few seconds of fornication...please call, we have matters to discuss.", she addressed coldly exiting the building.

After a few minutes, he looked over at you with his cigar between his teeth and still wearing a smile. " Now get on that chair.", he smiled as you couldn't help but laugh. "Whatever, Lord Heisenberg.", you sarcastically replied as you moved over to this old recliner chair.

#resident evil 8 fanfic #resident evil village fanfic #resident evil fanfic #lord heisenberg x reader #lord heisenberg fanfic #lord heisenberg #karl heisenberg fanfic #karl heisenberg x reader #karl heisenberg

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latte-fairytaekwoon · 4 years

Text

𝑴𝒂𝒇𝒊𝒂! 𝑨𝒕𝒆𝒆𝒛: 𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒊𝒓 𝑾𝒊𝒇𝒆 𝑰𝒔 𝑰𝒏𝒔𝒆𝒄𝒖𝒓𝒆 𝑨𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝑯𝒆𝒓 𝑷𝒓𝒆𝒈𝒏𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒚

Disclaimer: In no way am I condoning, supporting, justifying or encouraging mafia activities or lifestyle. This is all fictional and not meant to represent real life scenarios.

❅𝐾𝑖𝑚 𝐻𝑜𝑛𝑔𝑗𝑜𝑜𝑛𝑔

You huffed as you tried to zip up your dress but to no avail. It would not budge because of the baby bump that was growing. In one last attempt to zip it up, you actually ended up ripping the zipper, causing you to gasp in horror.

"Oh no." Your hand covered your mouth as you stared in shock at yourself in the mirror.

"Honey are you ready to go?" Hongjoong asked, as he came into the room.

Hongjoong noticed how you kept staring at your reflection in the mirror, immobile and not responding to him.

"Hey baby? What is it?" He came up behind you, his arms sliding down protectively around your stomach.

Unwillingly, you let out tears and started sobbing.

"I'm....fat." You whined as you wiped some tears off your face, effectively making some of your eye makeup smudge.

Hongjoong pouted and shook his head cutely at you.

"Baby no. You're not fat. You're carrying a baby, our baby. Our beautiful little bundle of joy that we created together and that I can't wait to bring into this world with you."

You smiled softly at his words. Placing a kiss to your cheek, he continued:

"You're absolutely beautiful love. And if I must admit, I think you look more lovely with the baby bump." He sent a wink to you through the mirror, causing you to burst out giggling.

"Tell you what? Let's skip the dinner date and just stay home and cuddle. Ok?"

❅𝑃𝑎𝑟𝑘 𝑆𝑒𝑜𝑛𝑔ℎ𝑤𝑎

Sitting on your bed, waiting for Seonghwa to come out of the bathroom, you kept replaying your mother in law's words in your head.

"I remember when I gave birth to Seonghwa. He came a little earlier than expected while his father was away on a business trip. So I had to go through the birth process all alone. You can imagine how scared I was."

Her story shook you to your core. Seonghwa often had to go away. What if the same thing happened to you? What if he misses the birth of your child? And you had to endure all of it alone?

You were so immersed in your worries, you failed to notice that Seonghwa was standing next to you and were woken up when his hand touched your shoulder.

"What is it my dear?" He asked, knowing something was troubling you.

"I don't want to go through this by myself..." You admitted, one of your hands going to your bump to get your point across.

Seonghwa understood what you were talking about, the way you kept quiet and became pensive when his mom told her story did not go unnoticed by him. Seonghwa kneeled in front of you. Taking your hands in his, he promised you:

"And you won't. I'm not going to leave you or our child alone during this time. My father missed my birth and it's something that he regrets to this day. I don't want to do the same. I want to be there for you and our baby. I'm going to be there every step of the way. I promise."

Leaning in, he sealed his promise with a kiss, and you were now much calmer with his reassuring words.

❅𝐽𝑒𝑜𝑛𝑔 𝑌𝑢𝑛ℎ𝑜

You took a deep breath as soon as you stepped inside the house, relieved to finally be back in the comfort of your own home. It's not that you hated your in laws, but to have them constantly tell you how to take care of their future grandson, because apparently you don't know what you're doing, irritated you.

If you were honest, at times you felt like they just saw you as an incubator instead of what you really were: Yunho's wife and mother of his child. It was horrible.

You went to the kitchen and decided to prepare yourself a little snack. You opted for something on the spicier side since you were craving it really badly. Right at that moment, Yunho came in and when he saw what you were eating he quickly took it away.

"Hey!" You exclaimed, trying to get your food back.

"You can't eat spicy food. Mom said it increases the risk of a miscarriage. " Yunho said while holding the plate high above your head.

"No it doesn't! Now give it back." You desperately tried to jump and take it away from him.

"Y/N stop doing that. It could hurt the baby or-"

"Oh for fuck's sake Yunho will you shut up and stop repeating everything your parents say?! I'm sick and tired of them basically tell me I'm not a good mother. I already feel shitty enough as it is with the mood swings and pregnancy pains, and I don't need you or anyone else making me feel worse than I already do!"

You finally snapped. You turned around and began crying tears of pain, fear, rage and frustration. Yunho felt horrible. He realized now he should have protected you more but he didn't. Carefully, he hugged you from behind.

"Baby, you're doing an amazing job. You'll see, you're going to be the best mom in the whole world. I'm proud of you. And.... I'm sorry about my parents. I promise I won't let them have a say in how we raise our baby anymore. Ok?"

He turned you around and began wiping your tears away.

"Don't cry anymore love. I hate to see you cry. Could you please smile for me?"

❅𝐾𝑎𝑛𝑔 𝑌𝑒𝑜𝑠𝑎𝑛𝑔

It was already difficult for Yeosang and you to get pregnant. You spent almost 3 years trying, about to give up hope, when it finally happened. You were pregnant and Yeosang was elated with the news.

Although you and him were extremely careful, being your first child and everything, you still felt uneasy at times. It didn't help when you went to visit your family and ended up finding out all of your aunts have had at least 1 miscarriage before.

"Don't be so surprised dear. All women in our family have had a miscarriage."

You looked over at your own mother, who unfortunately had to confirm their allegations and tell you about the older sister you were supposed to have.

Since then you became paranoid. It was already a struggle to get pregnant, what if you were to actually lose the baby. One night, you had a terrible nightmare that had you shaking and bawling your eyes out. It was so intense, Yeosang had to wake you up and hold you for 10 minutes until you calmed down.

You then told him about what your aunts said, about your dream and your fear of something happening to your baby. Although Yeosang was scared as well, he had to be strong for both of you.

"Honey, please don't think such things. So far we've been very careful about this and the doctor says everything is fine. If you worry too much about this, it could be harmful."

"I know, I know Yeosang.....but what if I do have a miscarriage? What will we do then? How do we know we won't have one?" You asked him.

Yeosang held back the tears threatening to spill out. He refused to imagine that scenario in his head.

"We don't know Y/N, no one ever knows these things....but I do know that I love you and our baby. And I know we're doing our best. I can't promise you that nothing will happen....but whatever happens, I want you to know you're not alone. I'm here with you, by your side and we're going to get through all this together. No matter what comes."

Yeosang kissed your forehead reassuringly. Although he was scared, he had hope that both of you would be able to bring your baby into this world safely and unharmed.

❅𝐶ℎ𝑜𝑖 𝑆𝑎𝑛

You immediately turned off the TV. You internally cursed yourself for watching another drama therapist show. You usually rolled your eyes when it turnt out someone cheated on their spouse, but this recent one made you paranoid. Because the husband had cheated on his pregnant wife because 'he had needs she couldn't fulfill'.

It got you paranoid. You immediately started wondering if San would ever cheat on you, that is if he hadn't already. It had been 5 months since you last had sex. For all you knew, he could be seeing someone else. As if on cue, San walked into the house.

"Hi honey. How's my lovely-"

"Who are you seeing?" You immediately accused him.

San looked at you as if you were crazy.

"What are you talking about?" He asked, genuinely confused.

"Don't lie to me! Who are you cheating on me with?" Maybe you were jumping to conclusions too hastily, but you were so anxious to think rationally.

"Who am I cheating on you with? What has gotten into you woman?" San could not believe what he was hearing.

That's when you broke down and confessed rather embarrassingly the whole situation. San listened to you patiently, without judgment and you felt worse.

"I'm sorry." You apologized.

"Baby it's fine, I get why you'd get worried, but trust me. I'm not some asshole that's going to cheat on my wife, who by the way is carrying my child. I mean seriously, who does that?" San actually cringed at the thought, making you laugh a little.

"Baby I love you and only you. And why would I want anyone else when I'm lucky enough to have all this?" San smiled as he pulled you close to him.

"So you still find me attractive?" You asked with doe eyes.

San chuckled.

"Baby I think you're the most beautiful person in the world. And besides....."

Carefully, he picked you up and began taking you to your bedroom.

"Who says we can't make love while you're pregnant?"

❅𝑆𝑜𝑛𝑔 𝑀𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑖

Mingi came into the house all happy. Wanting to surprise you with a date in a fancy restaurant, he waltzed into the room and hugged you tightly.

"Hi love!" He screeched loudly as he pecked your lips.

"And hello to you as well." He gently rubbed your belly, cooing softly.

He looked back at you, noticing that you loved out of sorts.

"Is something wrong?" He asked.

"I'm just not in a good mood." You replied, your voice had a cold tone to it.

Mingi smiled. "Perfect! I know just how to cheer you up! I made reservations for a date! So why don't you make yourself look even more beautiful so we can go?"

"I don't want to." You said, sitting on the bed.

Mingi pouted at you.

"But baby. I really want to take you and our baby out. So please-"

"No Mingi! I told you, I'm not in a good mood! I'm cranky and this pregnancy is killing me, I'm sore all over my body and I'm carrying an extra 40 pounds that I'm not used to and it's all your fault!"

Mingi stood there, shook at your sudden outburst.

"My fault?"

"Yes! You were the one who wanted to have a baby, it was your idea yet you're not the one having to go through all this! It's me! You selfish idiot!" You crossed your arms and glared at him.

Usually Mingi would have been hurt by your words, but after months of dealing with your raging hormones, he knew you didn't actually mean what you said. Sitting next to you, he wrapped an arm around you.

"Come on Y/N, you know you don't mean that..."

Chuckling, he teased:

"And if I remember correctly, you were thrilled and wanted to immediately start trying when I brought up the idea of having a baby."

You poked your bottom lip out in annoyance, not wanting to admit he was right. Mingi laughed softly and kissed your pouty lips.

"Did you know you're even more adorable when you get all feisty and angry?" He said as he pinched your cheeks.

"Stop." You swatted his arm away, unable to contain the smile that soon spread on your face.

Mingi may be your annoying husband at times, but he always knew how to make you soft.

❅𝐽𝑢𝑛𝑔 𝑊𝑜𝑜𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑔

"Must you go?"

You held onto Wooyoung's arm, refusing to let him go.

"I'm sorry about canceling movie night darling, but it's important and the guys need me."

Wooyoung sighed as he put on his jacket and began loading his revolver.

"It's not that it's just..."

You stopped yourself and looked down. Wooyoung stopped what he was doing and caressed your arms.

"What is it babe?" He urged you to tell him.

You looked at him and told him:

"I'm scared ok? You've been doing this for years, but now I'm scared. Scared of something happening to you...or someone breaking in and hurting me or our baby..."

You couldn't form any more words, getting choked up with your emotions. You began thinking about all the worst case scenarios that could possibly happen. For all you knew, you could end up being a young widow and single mother for the rest of your life.

Wooyoung pulled you against him, his hand stroking your hair. That was all it took for you to start crying as you held onto him like your life or his depended on it.

"Sweetheart, I promised I'd protect you and I'm not breaking my promise. Nothing will happen to you or our child." He whispered softly.

"What about you? What if something happens to you while on a mission?"

Wooyoung actually let out a laugh at that.

"Babygirl, nothing can kill me. I'm practically bulletproof."

You hit his chest.

"What? It's true. Come on Y/N. I'm not about to let anything happen to me. I need to stay alive to be there and hold our precious daughter when she arrives."

You rolled your eyes.

"We don't know if it's a girl yet-"

"She's a girl! And that's final! We're having a girl!" He exclaimed, refusing to believe he was wrong.

❅𝐶ℎ𝑜𝑖 𝐽𝑜𝑛𝑔ℎ𝑜

"What's on your mind honey bunch?"

Jongho knew you well enough to know something was troubling you.

"Do you think this was a good idea?" You asked him.

"Ordering food from this place? Definitely not. This is why I say we don't try new places." Jongho let out a tiny 'bleh' when he tried something that was a little too spicy for his liking.

"No....I mean...the baby."

Jongho dropped his fork and looked at you in shock.

"You're....you're not actually regretting this..are you?" He was afraid to hear your answer.

"No, not the baby .... but me." You said.

"You? Why?" Jongho got up and went immediately went to your side.

"I mean....what if I end up being a bad mother? What if I don't know what to do? I'm scared Jongho." You looked at him, face full of worry.

"Pumpkin, listen. I'm scared too. I mean.... it is our first time."

You both chuckled at that .

"But the thing is, we're both going to try our best to give our baby a good life and to protect it as best we can. And I can assure you that I think you'll be a wonderful mother."

Your eyes lit up at his comment.

"You really think so?"

Jongho nodded and pulled you onto his lap.

"I do. I mean, you take good care of Mingi. I'd say you already know the basics of taking care of a baby." He snorted.

You laughed despite not wanting to.

"You're so mean to him!"

"If you want extra practice, I can ask him to come."

Gifs not mine. Credit goes to their respective owners.

#ateez #ateez reactions #ateez scenarios #ateez imagines #ateez mafia au #mafia!au #mafia!ateez #ateez hongjoong #ateez seonghwa #ateez yunho #ateez yeosang #ateez san #ateez mingi #ateez wooyoung #ateez jongho

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themollyjay · 3 years

Text

The Myths of Forced Diversity and Virtue Signaling.

In my novel Mail Order Bride, the three main characters are a lesbian and two agendered aliens. In my novel Scatter, the main character is a lesbian, the love interest is a pansexual alien, and the major side characters include a half Cuban, half black Dominican lesbian, a Chinese Dragon, a New York born Jewish Dragon, and a Transgender Welsh Dragon. In my novel The Master of Puppets, the Main Characters are a lesbian shapeshifting reptilian alien cyborg and a half black, half Japanese lesbian. The major side characters include three gender fluid shapeshifting reptilian alien cyborgs, and a pansexual human. In my novel Transistor, the main character is a Trans Lesbian, the love interest is a Half human/Half Angel non-observant Ethiopian Jew, and the major side characters include a Transgender Welsh Dragon (the same one from Scatter), a Transgender woman, a Latino Lesbian, an autistic man, three Middle Eastern Arch Angels, and a hive mind AI with literally hundreds of genders. In my novel The Inevitable singularity, one of the main characters is a lesbian, another has a less clearly defined sexuality but she is definitely in love with the lesbian, and the third is functionally asexual due to a vow of chastity she takes very seriously. The major side characters include a straight guy from a social class similar to the Dalit (commonly known as untouchables) in India, a bisexual woman, a man who is from a race of genetically modified human/frog hybrids, and a woman from a race of genetically modified humans who are bred and sold as indentured sex workers.

Why am I bringing all of this up? Well, first, because it’s kind of cool to look at the list of different characters I’ve created, but mostly because it connects to what I want to talk about today, which should be obvious from the title of the essay. The concepts of ‘forced diversity’ and ‘virtue signaling’.

For those who aren’t familiar with these terms, they’re very closely related concepts. ‘Forced Diversity’ is the idea that characters who aren’t neurotypical cisgendered heterosexual white males are only ever included in a story because of outside pressure from some group (usually called Social Justice Warriors, or The Woke Brigade or something similar) to meet some nebulous political agenda. The caveat to this is, of course, that you can have a women/women present as long as they are hot, don’t make any major contributions to the resolution of the plot, and the hero/heroes get to fuck them before the end of the story. ‘Virtue Signaling’, according to Wikipedia, is a pejorative neologism for the expression of a disingenuous moral viewpoint with the intent of communicating good character.

The basic argument is that Forced Diversity is a form of virtue signaling. That no one would ever write characters who aren’t neurotypical cisgendered heterosexual white males because they want to. They only do it to please the evil SJW’s who are somehow both so powerful that they force everybody to conform to their desires, yet so irrelevant that catering to them dooms any creative project to financial failure via the infamous ‘go woke, go broke’ rule.

What the people who push this idea of Forced Diversity tend to forget is that we exist at a point in time when creators actually have more creative freedom than are any other people in history. Comic writers can throw up a website and publish their work as a webcomic without having to go through Marvel, DC or one of the other big names, or get a place in the dying realm of the news paper comics page. Novelists can self-publish with fairly little upfront costs, musicians can use places like YouTube and Soundcloud to get their work out without having to worry about music publishers. Artists can hock their work on twitter and tumblr and a dozen other places. Podcasts are relatively cheap to make, which has opened up a resurgence in audio dramas. Even the barrier to entry for live action drama is ridiculously low.

So, in a world where creators have more freedom than ever before, why would they choose to people their stories with characters they don’t want there? The answer, of course, is that they wouldn’t. Authors, comic creators, indie film creators and so on aren’t putting diverse characters into their stories because they are being forced to. They’re putting diverse characters into their stories because they want to. Creators want to tell stories about someone other than the generically handsome hypermasculine cisgendered heterosexual white males that have been the protagonists of so many stories over the years that we’ve choking on it. A lot of times, creators want to tell stories about people like themselves. Black creators want to tell stories about the black experience. Queer creators want to tell stories about the queer experience.

I’m an autistic, mentally ill trans feminine abuse survivor. Every day, I get up and I struggle with PTSD, with an eating disorder, with severe body dysmorphia, with anxiety and depression and just the reality of being autistic and transgender. I deal with the fact that the religious community I grew up in views me as an abomination, and genuinely believes I’m going to spend eternity burning in hell. I deal with the fact that people I’ve known for decades, even members of my own family, regularly vote for politician who publicly state that they want to strip me of my civil rights because I’m queer. I’m part of a community that experiences a disproportionately high murder and suicide rate. I’ve spent multiple years of my life deep in suicidal depression, and to this day, I still don’t trust myself around guns.

As a creator, I want to talk about those issues. I want to deal with my life experiences. I want to create characters that embody and express aspects of my lived experience and my day-to-day reality. No one is forcing me to put diversity into my books. I try to include Jewish characters as often as I can because there have been a number of important Jewish people in my life. I include queer people because I’m queer and the vast majority of friends I interact with on a regular basis are queer. I include people with mental illnesses and trauma because I am mentally ill and have trauma, and I know a lot of people with mental illnesses and trauma. My work may be full of fantastical elements, aliens and dragons and angels and superheroes and magic and ultra-high technology and AI’s and talking cats and robot dogs and shape shifters and telepaths and all sorts of other things, but at the core of the stories is my own lived experience, and neurotypical cisgendered heterosexual white males are vanishingly rare in that experience.

Now, I can hear the comments already. The ‘okay, maybe that’s true for individual creators, but what about corporate artwork?’. Maybe not in those exact words, but you get the idea.

The thought here is that corporations are bowing to social pressure to include characters who aren’t neurotypical cisgendered heterosexual white males, and that is somehow bad. But here’s the thing. Corporations are going to chase the dollars. They aren’t bowing to social pressure. There’s no one holding a gun to some executive’s head saying, “You must have this many diversity tokens in every script.” What is happening is that corporations are starting to clue into the fact that people who aren’t neurotypical cisgendered heterosexual white males have money. They are putting black characters in their shows and movies because black people watch shows and spend money on movies. They are putting queer people in shows and movies because queer people watch shows and spend money on movies. They are putting women in shows and movies because women watch shows and spend money on movies.

No one is forcing these companies to do this. They are choosing to do it, the same way individual creators are choosing to do it. In the companies’ cases the choices are made for different reasons. It’s not because they are necessarily passionate about telling stories about a particular experience, but because they want to create art to be consumed by the largest audience possible, which means that they have to expand their audience beyond the neurotypical cisgendered heterosexual white male by including characters from outside of that demographic.

And the reality is, the cries of ‘forced diversity’ and ‘virtue signaling’ almost always come from within that demographic. Note the almost. There are a scattering of individuals from outside that demographic which do subscribe to the ‘forced diversity’ and ‘virtue signaling’ myths, but that is a whole other essay. However, within that demographic, lot of the people who cry about ‘forced diversity’ see media and content as a Zero-Sum game. The more that’s created for other people, the less that is created for them.

In a way, they’re right. There are only so many slots for TV shows each week, there are only so many theaters, only so much space on comic bookshelves and so on. But at the end of the day, its literally impossible for them to consume all the content that’s being produced anyway. So, while there is, theoretically less content for them to consume, as a practical matter it’s a bit like someone who is a meat eater going to a buffet with two hundred items, and then throwing a tantrum because five of the items happen to be vegan.

The worst part is, if they could let go of how wound up they are about the ‘forced diversity’ and ‘virtue signaling’ they could probably enjoy the content that’s produced for people other than them. I mean, I’m a pasty ass white girl, and I loved Black Panther.

So, to wrap out, creators, make what you want to make, and ignore anyone who cries about forced diversity or virtue signaling. And to people who are complaining about forced diversity and virtue signaling, I want to go back to the buffet metaphor. You need to relax. Even if there are a few vegan options on the buffet, you can still get your medium rare steak, or your chicken teriyaki or whatever it is you want. Or, maybe, just maybe, you could give the falafel a try. That shit is delicious.

#writing #original fiction #media #representation #diversity #the war of souls #the hearts of heroes #The Master of Puppets #scatter #transistor #the inevitable singularity #mail order bride

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prose-for-hire · 3 years

Text

All I want for Christmas is you

[This is a (late) part of my 12 Days of Chirstmas fics]

Pairing: Spike x fem!reader

Request: Hi! A spike request angst for the holiday collection. Where spike and the reader get into a massive fight and he says some really hurtful things. So its really awkward leading into Christmas and the reader considers leaving him. But then spike gives the reader a present on Christmas like a sorry present that changes her mind :)

Requested by: Anon

Warning: Spike and reader fight and say mean things. Swearing. Very light sex references.

A/N: I use the ambiguous phrase ‘jewellery’ rather than explaining what the object is because it’s a reader insert and some people like certain items and some people don’t like any jewellery (blame Buffy and Dawn sorry)

You and Spike loved each other, you knew this. But you and Spike also argued. All the time. You had broken up and got back together more times than you could count. It was a ‘can’t live with him, can’t live without him’ situation. And you were just going in circles.

This particular time, finds you and Spike finishing decorating the crypt. It had been fun, by all accounts. You had even got a tree. He had managed to distract you a lot, making an hour’s task lasting the entire day.

When you were loved up, it was bliss. It was fierce passion. Often languid and sensual. Even giddy and fun at times.

He hugged you from behind, closing his eyes as he inhaled, kissing the back of your head. His hands started to wander from your hips and you closed your eyes in delight. Pressed against him felt so right.

“Did you hear that?” You said, your eyes snapping open. It was bells. Little, twinkling Christmas bells. It was eerie, not cheery. You hadn’t bought any bells.

Spike groaned in frustration and looked around as if you had gone mad. You were always doing this. Driving him wild. Teasing him so.

“What in the buggering hell are you goin’ on about?”

“There’s something…” You said cryptically as you looked around, which irritated him to no end.

“It’s nothing, just- come here”

“Spike! Why don’t you listen to me?” You pouted slightly, hoping it was entice him to take you seriously, check if there was a threat. But it did the opposite.

“Oh, right, and what’s your plan then? Why don’t we scream and run away. That’s about the form of your fighting skills anyhow ain’t it?”

“Just shut up – it’s Christmas” You snapped, looking at him as if he needed to drop it. But this just irritated him, as if you were chastising him. Like he was someone you could control. Emasculate.

“Poor little y/n, making things up for a scrap of attention again” He stuck his lower lip out and tilted his head to the side, in a way that nobody would describe anything other than patronisingly, “You don’t know who you are, not without me” He added the end after a pause.

“You’re the one that followed me around for months on end before I agreed to date you!” You bit back. This is where everything tended to go south. Fast.

“Yeah? Well we’re only together after last time ‘cause I took pity on you and took you back – saw how I left you wantin’ thought we might as well. You’re attractive at least” He leaned in and took your chin, moving you to face him as he insulted you. You held back tears. He was supposed to love you, why was he always so mean?

“Fuck you, Spike!” You shouted, grabbing his wrist and moving him from touching you before adding, “You’re such a self-assured pig!”

“Yeah, you love it” He purred.

“I hate you”

“No, you don’t” He stated. Before dragging his voice out almost sing-song like but in a humourless way, “You want me. You need me” He bit his lip, moving closer and closer, making you shiver. He was trying to charm you into submission. Again.

Well, it wouldn’t work… not this time anyway.

“You’re the one that wouldn’t leave Buffy’s doorstep until I came back with you! You’re obsessive! You’re a slave to love, no - to pain, Spike!” You stated, moving away from where he had started to back you against the wall.

“Slave to you” He offered, that look in his eye. Offering to forget about it, although he had been the one that had been cruel. His look offering making up. In bed, wherever you wanted. He would even apologise if it meant you wouldn’t leave him again. But you were still mad, still angry at the way he spoke to you.

His look almost made you back down, he was hard to resist. You were addicted to each other. Even when you were fighting it could switch to sex so easily. To hot passion.

But not today.

“No. You’re not. You don’t want me. You want drama, a fight. I’m sick of it! Forget it” You shouted, continuing, “I mean it this time, Spike! We’re done!”

“Love, you don’t mean that – we’re-”

“Finished!” You ended his sentence for him, “Get out!”

“No- I’m the one with my name above the door, you don’t bloody pay the rent” He said, backing away from you as you had that look in your eye. You could be downright vindictive.

“Neither do you - it’s a crypt, you don’t pay shit!”

“You wouldn’t throw your fella out just before Christmas, would you, love?” He tried as you had walked him out of the front door, throwing his leather duster at him. He caught it in a ball and clutched it to his chest.

He sighed exaggeratedly. He really didn’t want to have to rough it somewhere, exposing himself to possible sunlight. He wanted you again. He cursed himself. Wished he had just kept his mouth shut.

But you weren’t so innocent. If he hadn’t created an argument, you would have done. It had been in the air. Building up over weeks.

“Bloody women!” He screamed at the door you had unceremoniously slammed in his face. He heard you slide the bolt across the door and he kicked it for good measure, howling in pain and hobbling away.

To add insult to injury, as he stalked through the streets trying to find a suitable crypt it had started to snow. The first bloody snow here in centuries and he had been caught up in it. It couldn’t get any worse.

Shit. Why did he have to think that? He rounded the corner and almost ran straight into the Slayer. He had been dragging his feet, kicking a stone until he looked up and saw her.

“There a reason you’re terrorising the sidewalk, Spike?”

“None of your business”

“Y/n’s kicked you out again hasn’t she?” Buffy’s face lit up as his face gave away she had guessed correctly.

She enjoyed seeing him like this. She was your best friend and she thought (no, knew) that you were too good for him. She told you all the time. But you were both too swept up in the animal attraction. In the possessive, heated entanglement you couldn’t escape if you wanted to.

“Betty the do-good…-er” Spike floundered. It wasn’t his best line. He was ridiculously sad. Mourning the loss of his relationship with you again. He craved you, he wept for you. There was a deep aching in his chest the further he walked from the crypt. The further he walked from you.

“That was tragic. You weren’t kiddin’ when you said you were bad” Buffy said, not able to hide the smile at her own joke.

“Yeah, well, just lost the love of my un-life here. Give a bloke a break” He snapped, sniffing and trying to wipe his eye on his sleeve subtly. Buffy rolled her eyes but for some reason, before she went over to the crypt to collect you and the overnight bag you had packed and re-packed more than you can count, she turned back to him.

“You know she feels the same. Maybe it’s time to let go, Spike. Or buy jewellery. I hear girls like jewellery” Buffy shrugged.

“Yeah, you wouldn’t know” He muttered, luckily she didn’t hear it or she would have spun back and staked him on site. She only hadn’t before the previous interaction because she knew you would never forgive her.

Your relationship was infuriating. And not just to you and Spike. It had a ripple effect, it was a part of your friends lives too. One day you would be shouting and screaming, the next passionately making love on the nearest surface. It was exciting and painful, like whiplash from a rollercoaster. The rollercoaster that was y/n and Spike.

It had been a few days now. You were staying at Buffy’s. She was a good friend to you. No matter how many times you and Spike yo-yo’d between love and hate she was there for you. With as little judgement as she could.

She comforted you while you cried, heartbroken despite Buffy being sure you would manage to find it in your heart to forgive him yet again. You clutched the mug of hot chocolate she had made, complete with marshmallows. She had learnt well from Joyce.

Dawn had slipped you some of her freshly baked sugar-cookies that she had made specially to cheer you up. She had decorated them with little Christmas characters which made you smile at her.

The girl adored your relationship with Spike, whether rightly or wrongly. She looked up to you, wanting to emulate a passionate relationship like that herself when she was older. It was like you were in a romance novel or something.

What you and Buffy didn’t know that since you had moved in, Dawn was Spike’s spy. She was, for the price of $5 and scary stories from his past, she told him all about what you said and how you were feeling. He now knew you were upset, missing him. Wallowing the same as he was. Well, good. But now, he had to make it up to you. He made Dawn help him brainstorm into the night.

She wanted to do it, she was sure it was for a good cause. In the name of true love, obviously.

Spike walked her back to Buffy’s where the Slayer was pacing and you were watching out for her to come home. You were going to give her the heads up that Buffy wasn’t pleased that she had gone awol. The snow had fallen thick now, anything could have happened and Buffy was scared Dawn was hurt.

You saw her then, with him. Your heart rose and your eyes glistened. You watched him trudge beside her, the white glow of the snow lighting up his face, making his cheekbones more prominent. He took a final drag of his cigarette before throwing it away, his eyes finally meeting yours through the window.

You walked to the door and unlocked it, whispering to Dawn that Buffy was gunning for her before turning back to Spike.

“Love…” He started. You just shook your head, you were still hurt.

“Goodbye, Spike” You said pointedly, closing the door on him once more. This time you turned with your back against the door, sliding down it as you started to cry. Dawn worried that it would take more than the Christmas gift they had been planning to win you back as Buffy scooped you up. She suggested that there was plenty of Christmas films you could watch, to take your mind off things. You nodded, leaning against her shoulder debating yourself whether to run after him or not. Buffy decided against any heavy romance-based films as you continued to sniff.

Eventually, Christmas Day came and it was the first that you spent without him in years. You usually made up before. You spent the entire day with a fake smile plastered on your face, not just at the slightly misjudged present from Anya (it was a vibrator, because you were on your own. You opened it in front of Dawn not realising and Buffy had to cover her eyes).

You thought about him the entire day. You ached, pined. You almost braved the thick snow, that you had almost been snowed in by, more than once before one of your friends distracted you with something.

As night fell, you gave up hoping. That was, until, there was a sharp knock at the door. His knock, you knew it. You had slammed the door in his face too many times not to know that knock. You sprinted over there, swinging the door open.

“Spike” You breathed, smiling. You had felt his absence so painfully.

“I know, I’m not stopping, wouldn’t wanna interrupt the touch-feely bollocks I’m sure is in full swing about now” He said and it made you smile, You loved the way he spoke. His accent. The way he phrased everything as if he had crafted it just for your ears.

He handed you a surprisingly well-wrapped gift as you smiled down at it, “It’s- for me? But I didn’t have time to get-”

“You know the only gift you could give me worth anything would be you” He admitted, which was how you felt for him. You didn’t need this, but you knew this was his way of apologising.

You opened the present and gasped, smiling wider. It was jewellery, just the kind you adored with a little gem that sparkled in the moonlight. You looked over at him, how could you ever have doubted him? He did his best by you, he always did. You knew who he was when you had started dating, just as he had known who you were.

“Spike, I’m sorry for how-” You started, but he shook his head, taking your hand.

“This- the way we- it’s not right, I know it” he admitted that the way things were, the bad seemed to take over the good. He lived in hope, though. He was convinced that this time it would be all love, “But I want you, I burn for you – it’s why the gem’s that colour, see? You’re the only one for me, the only one I could ever love through it all” He said it so honestly. So sincerely.

You invited him in after you whispered your own affections, much to everyone else’s chagrin. You showed them the gift and Dawn cheered, telling you she helped. You grinned at her and Spike had to convince Buffy not to stake him again. You both stayed in the living room for a moment, listening to the rest of them talking and just gazing into each other’s eyes.

Then you were kissing. His lips on yours hotly, you had missed this so bad. His lips were made for yours. He drank you in, all of you. Your flaws and your perfections.

He loved your everything. The good and the bad. And you matched his message. He felt it, deepening the kiss. Forgetting where you were for a moment. Until he heard your friends mutter insults at him.

He picked you up and you wrapped your legs around his waist. All the while, you had barely stopped for breath. You never wanted to part from him again. You were pressed close to him, willing him even closer.

His lips caught any exposed skin on your neck, your jaw as he carried you without word upstairs. You looped one arm around his neck, the other against his jaw so you could catch his lips again with heightened desire.

The others just watched you leave, trying to ignore the way you were all-but grinding against Spike in anticipation. None of them were surprised by the turn of events but they weren’t exactly pleased either.

Buffy, Xander, Willow and Giles all shared a look as you and Spike thudded against the walls as you walked along the corridors upstairs trying to find a room to slip into.

They all wondered how long it would last this time as you gave yourselves a very merry Christmas.

#Spike #Spike btvs #Spike x reader #Spike imagine #Spike x you #Buffy The Vampire Slayer #buffy the vampire slayer imagines #btvs #btvs x reader #btvs imagine #btvs x you #Christmas fic #12 days of christmas #12 Days of Xmas #female reader #female #x reader

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darkdevasofdestruction · 4 years

Text

A Zhang Of Redness ~ Yin Zhen x Reader

Warning: The first part has some angst to fluff, yet, if you’re brave enough to read the “Sad Ending”, then I warn you, I cried at least 6 times reading it, and 5 times at night, thinking about how to write it properly, all while listening to sad flute and zither ancient Chinese songs. I may need help.

Also, I forgot to explain, in case people don’t know:

Meimei - Term for younger sister. Jiejie - Term for older sister. Niangniang - Term for someone above in title, like an Empress or a Noble Consort. Changzai - First-Class Female Attendant, called ‘Present’, and was the 2nd lowest title in the harem. Daying - Second-Class Female Attendant, called ‘Promise’, lowest title in the harem. Hua Fei - It can vary as a title, but it refers to an Imperial Noble Consort. A Zhang of Redness - One of the 5 punishments from Qing Dynasty : Beating someone over the back, butt or the back of their legs with a some sort of bamboo or wooden bat/cane/rod until the tendons/muscles/bones were crushed, there was lots of blood, and the person either died or became paralysed from waist down.

Also, I got inspiration from watching the Chinese Period Drama ‘Empresses in the Palace/Legend of Zhen Huan’ that focuses on the Harem during the reign of Emperor Yongzheng, aka Yin Zhen, the 4th Prince, and Duke Guo is the 17th Prince, his brother, very young, and very close to him

“Now, Y/N, you and your sisters are of age, so you must go serve the Emperor. It will bring our family the greatest honour should you be selected as a concubine for the Emperor and bring a Prince into this world.” the father put his hands on Y/N’s shoulders, making her look at him with a blank expression, masking her disdain and disgust with excellence. “We are honoured to serve and serve our family and His Majesty, the Emperor.” she bowed gracefully, speaking with an adult maturity that many would envy. “Very well. Take care of your sisters. The Palace is a cruel place, but you, above all, must prevail and bring your sisters up with you.” were the last words her father spoke before sending off his three daughters into the carriage, ready to go with the ‘reaping’, as the eldest would call it.

Unlike her younger siblings, she prayed not to be accepted, since it would be the worst thing that could happen to her and she’d rather die than have to live in eternal imprisonment, having an old man touch her body and impregnate her, despite him being the Emperor himself.

When the three of them arrived at the Palace, and she saw the swarm of girls dressed the same, with the same accessories and hairstyles, she almost felt like puking, although she couldn’t blame them, since that’s how this lame fashion dictates.

She was the only one standing out, much like a sore thumb, completely different, both in appearance and clothing, which made her anxious and nervous, knowing very well how she will be the target of bullying, and in turn, deflect it to her unfortunate sisters as well.

Y/N was the only woman with vibrant red hair and green eyes like the evergreen forest, for her father is an Imperial merchant, and her mother was a foreigner, the most beautiful being alive, that could even compare to the Gods, and yet, the very same Gods she worshipped were cruel to her, as when she gave birth to the twins, she perished, leaving her husband heartbroken and alone to take care of his three daughters.

She didn’t wear any headpiece, nor had any intricate hairstyles, preferring to keep the upper part of her hair in a beautiful rose bun, while the lower part was let loose to cascade past her shoulders, down to her waist, like a fire waterfall. She didn’t use heavy make up, only choosing to highlight her eyes and bring out the shrewdness and brilliance in them. She didn’t wear any jewellery, save for some beautiful pink flowers carefully placed in her hair. She didn’t wear heels, for she was taller than most petite girls, and didn’t want to stand out more than she already did, and of course, she didn’t need them to highlight her grace and dignity. And, most of all, she didn’t wear the traditional clothes that every girl did, instead, worse a long, flowy dress, green, with flowers of a darker, more vibrant green - A dress that suit her like she was the embodiment of Spring, and her slender silhouette was shown off beautifully - Because, after all, this was the dress her mother sew specifically for her in the period while she was pregnant.

When the time finally came for her to present herself in front of the Emperor and the Empress Dowager, the six women walked in a straight line, in front of the Imperials...Only to see a little surprise.

Seven of his sons were there to attend, for one of them were to one day become Emperor, and they must know how things must be done.

“You...You are Y/N, I see. When your father mentioned you were beautiful, just like your mother, I couldn’t believe there could be someone even greater than Diaochan or Yang Guifei.” the Emperor chuckled, looking down at her. “Your Majesty, pardon my rudeness, yet truly, you must jest. My face does not put flowers to shame, nor does it embarrass Mother Moon herself. Likewise, I would say I that...That there are other women in history that would fit me better, should you truly wish to compare me.” she could feel the intrigued, burning gazes of everyone, and it took everything she had not to visibly gulp or show any kind of emotion. “Raise, child, and look at me. Who would you think I should compare you to?” the Emperor so gracefully talked, with the same dignity that any Imperial must have, yet now, it seemed to be warmer. “Tan Yunxian.” she spoke bluntly, her green eyes not wavering as she held eye contact with the Emperor. “Tan Yunxian...You are a bold one to speak like that. You are a sharp woman, intelligence is obviously sparkling in your eyes, you know what you want from life, and you choose to be branded a witch by practicing the medical arts that only men do and risk death, instead of aiming for a peaceful and resourceful life as a wealthy concubine and bring honour to your father. Why is that?” he asked once again, which made her bow, but not look away from him. “Most people tell the gender of a rabbit by its movement: The male runs quickly, while the female often keeps her eyes shut. But when the two rabbits run side by side, Can you really discern whether I am a he or a she? That is my reply to your question, and I would beg you to forgive my rudeness by speaking so directly, but this was never the life that fit me. The only arts that suit me are the exact ones - Healing, Calculus, Atrology, Physics, Alchemy...My sisters are much better at the arts of the heart, but I prefer to make a difference on this world. Too many women preferred to let themselves die because of scrutiny - A woman should rather starve to death than lose her chastity - they said, yet, for me, life is a sacred gift and should be treasured above all. There are no female physicians in the palace, Your Majesty, and males cannot fully comprehend the pains of a woman, nor can they properly treat one. With your grace, should you choose not to kill me, I would very much like to serve the Emperor with the way fate dictated my strengths.” she spoke without any hint of fear in her heart, already waiting for her death penalty to be told, and yet, the Emperor chuckled and looked to his right, sharing a look with one of his sons, the one dressed in vibrant gold, the one whose eyes resembled his the most. “My son, I see you are interested in this one as well. Tell me, what would you do, should you meet someone as peculiar as this one?” the Emperor asked, letting him have the final say in it. “She quotes the Ballad of Mulan so boldly, as if she herself is Mulan. Do you remember, Father, that in some stories, when Mulan was forced to join the Harem, she chose to commit suicide? I see this one none the wiser. With the proper training, she could prove to save more lives than most of those useless physicians could, I would say. She has enough fire and ambition...But What if she wavers in front of dangers?” the 4th Prince asked, almost rhetorically, only for his older brother, the 3rd Prince, to chime in. “Let’s see, then.” he shrugged, motioning for an eunuch to step forward. “Should you be able to keep looking into my eyes for the whole trial, your position as a physician will be locked.” the 4th Prince mused, his dark eyes peering into her jade like ones, and it seemed almost as if they were in a trance, and nothing around them existed anymore.

The little eunuch threw water at her feet, yet she nonchalantly stepped over it with no second thought. They made loud noises behind her, or close to her ear, yet her only interest was the beautiful dark shade of the Prince’s eyes. The test continued on, until the Prince walked forward and drew his sword, putting the tip under her chin, raising it. The silence created tension for everyone, causing her sisters to gasp and hold tightly onto each other from fear, while some labourers were confused and panicked at the sight before them, while the two only got deeper and deeper enchanted by the other. It wasn’t until one of the Gugu matrons stepped forwards with a cat held in her arms and threw it at the ground violently that the girl slapped the blade away and let herself fall to her knees to catch the poor feline, then rose back again, gently petting and calming the animal, while throwing a harsh glare at the elder woman, before turning back again to the Prince.

“You lost the trial.” he said, yet mischief was glittering in his beautiful eyes. “Life over all. ALL life over all.” she pointed out, stepping closer to the Prince, and as soon as she knew she was completely hidden by his much larger form, she smirked at him, challengingly, which made him scoff in amusement right back at her. “You lost the trial, but won the position with your virtuous, unwavering heart. Father, with your approval, I will be responsible of her, and she will be my personal physician, and the physician of all the women in the palace. Her thinking is mature, righteous and ahead of her times.” the Prince bowed in front of his father, vouching for the girl next to him, who could only look in shock at the Imperial Son who seemed to trust her so. “I dare not deserve such baseless praise. Wait until I have achieved anything of significance.” she bowed next to the Prince, letting the cat go back to its owner. “Very well, I approve of your request. From now on, Lady Y/N shall be promoted to Lady Shuyu, the Wise and Virtuous Lady, she will be taught by the imperial physicians and will report directly to you, 4th Prince. Likewise, she will be staying at the Palace closest to the Imperial Library, yet, I believe I should change its name, since it needs renovation. Do you have any preferences?” the Emperor asked, as the girl was bashfully looking at the ground, not believing that her dreams were finally becoming reality. “Father, if I may, I would suggest - Palace of the Blue Lotus - for it is the symbol of victory, intelligence, wisdom and knowledge, something that My Lady seems to be the embodiment of. I heard it once being called - The Perfection of Wisdom - and I believe it fits her very well. Look at her, with her outfit and hair, she almost looks like a Lotus flower herself, wouldn’t you say?” the 3rd Prince commented, making the Emperor nod in approval. “Very well, I agree with you, 3rd Prince. Then, Lady Y/N, until your Palace is completely renovated, you will be staying at 4th Prince’s Palace and have him look after you.” the Emperor’s order made her eyes widen and cheeks redden from embarrassment, yet she gracefully bowed in thanks for the Emperor. “Your Majesty is benevolent and kind above all, I thank you for giving me a chance.” she spoke in a much softer voice. “Look at this one, she can be anything she wants. A Hua Mulan, a Diaochan...Yet, above all, I believe she could even be the next Wu Zetian, wouldn’t you say, my Son?” the Empress Dowager spoke with a gentle smile, which made the girl gasp and bow to the ground, flustered. “Your Highness, I am undeserving of such praise! I am but a mere woman who wishes the best for her peers, but I will never be able to get close to Wu Zetian’s greatness!” she spoke rapidly, not daring raise her face to them, only to receive chuckles and laughs from the audience. “She may not be the next Wu Zetian, but she may as well be the first Y/N L/N.” the 4th Prince teased the girl as he offered his hand to help her to her feet, before pinching her reddening cheek. “Indeed, indeed! But what should I make of your sisters? You say they are talented in arts, correct? Then, I will accept them, and wait for the time they can heal my soul with their magic and grace.” the Emperor’s eyes held amusement, as all three sisters bowed in unison. “Your Majesty is great and kind above all.”

And so, for the first time in their life, the sisters were separated from each other. While the twins enjoyed a palace to themselves and another high ranked concubine, Y/N was comfortably staying in 4th Prince’s Palace, having just one trusty maid, for more would be a hindrance, and dressing in whatever comfortable clothes she wished to wear, sown by her and her maid.

She wasn’t a fan of sewing, but she practiced it regularly because she believed having dexterous fingers meant you would be a great physician, so she continued her work, using the softest cotton bolts brought from Western countries, and she made a beautiful light pink nightgown along with a pair of shorts and embroidered small purple flowers, and since then, her sleep has been the best she’s ever had... Although the silks from her bed must have added to the comfort as well.

As thanks for the Prince, the girl decided to sew a blue pyjama from the cotton, Western bolts for the Prince with whom she was residing, and used Chinese threads of gold and violet to embroider dragons on it, wanting to make a little play on the Western symbols of royalty.

Days passed way too quickly in the Palace, as the 4th Prince was excellent company and would humour her often with a cup of tea and a lost game of chess since truly, he wasn’t the best at it yet, but the quick exchanges of wit were worth the time spent there.

When she wasn’t by his side, she would go to the swing in the Garden of Peaches all by herself and swing herself high, almost as if she was trying to reach the sky, and when returning, she would let herself lean down, to watch the clouds, all while laughing in complete freedom, just like the tale of the Crane Wife.

Every time she would stop swinging, she would take out her jade flute and, unbeknownst to her, the Prince would hide just to hear her play with such skill and emotion that it truly moved him, and he had to admit, the saddest song she played, Autumn Moon over Han Palace, the one that truly depicts the cruelty with which the young and innocent souls of young women get crushed in the palace, only to be rewarded with misfortunes and sorrow, and he knew then that there was no way he would let anyone harm her.

The Emperor made him look after her, and so, he will.

“4th Prince, now that I shall not be living in your Palace anymore, I should thank you for your hospitability and kindness for the time I bothered you and invaded your privacy. Please accept my humble gifts for you, as a thank you for all the goodness you’ve showed me.” she personally handed him the boxes of gifts, since it was too personal to let her maid handle this matter. “I thank you for the gifts, yet you need not thank me for something so trivial. Congratulations in moving in your own Palace, little Lotus, but don’t forget that this has been your home too, and you are always welcomed here. I have also sent you gifts at your new residence, I wish you will use them with a smile on your face.” the prince spoke, putting the boxes on the table and petting her hair gently. “Without all the snark and witty comments, I almost don’t recognise you, Yin Zhen. Could you perhaps be ill?” she scoffed in amusement, making the man flick her forehead. “Going by how red your cheeks are, I’d say you’re the one who caught a fever.” he spoke with an obvious undertone. “How rude of you, Prince! Don’t you know it’s unfair to tease a lady?” she pointed out with a flustered scowl on her face. “Sister, weren’t you the one who once that that if a man teases a woman, he must be in love with her?” a soft, yet playful voice came from behind Y/N, which made her yelp in surprise and turn around in shock. “You’re horrible sisters, you know that, don’t you? I only said that so you’d feel good about your little, young selves, when the general’s son came over to visit father!” she sighed, looking away. “He doesn’t matter anymore! Now, look at you, the most favoured woman in the Palace by the Emperor, the Empress, the Dowager AND the Princes! We couldn’t compete with that, even now that we both served the Emperor and we were barely given the title of “Changzai”, and that’s mostly thanks to your influence and the fact that you helped the Lady of Morality give birth to the Princess.” Liyan spoke out, tugging on one of the arms of the elder sister. “It’s a bit weird if you think about it. Y/N Jiejie is over here, falling for the Emperor’s son, while we are pillow mates with the Emperor. He’s older than father!” Xiyan spoke so shamelessly, tugging on the other arm, that it made the poor elder sister blush deeply, and putting her hands on the back of their heads, she hit their heads together. “Liyan Meimei and Xiyan Meimei should learn how to be less vulgar and have some shame! Now, if you would excuse me, I must go do a regular check up on the Noble Consort’s pregnancy, I have no time for your foolish nonsense. I bid you all farewell.” she gave a sarcastic bow to the three before rushing out of that place. “I haven’t seen Jiejie so flustered before. Remember when that young poet came over and started playing the zither and singing for her, and she still turned him down?” Xiyan giggled, intertwining her fingers with her twin. “Yes, I remember! And it was the famous JiKang, the best zither player in the country! It’s a pity, really, I remember Jiejie saying how much she’d have liked to be free and travel the world, but she has to honour her duty to her family, otherwise she will be a disgrace and get killed.” Liyan sighed, looking away. “If your sister heard you gossiping like that about her, she’d get very upset at you. Now run along, you two.” Yin Zhen commented with a hint of playfulness, ushering the two sisters to scatter.

Days and nights went by fast, and Y/N was quickly climbing the ranks of a physician due to her hard working and witty disposition, and yet, when winter came and snow started falling hard, and the Consort was now 5 months pregnant, and need to have her regular check up. As Y/N gave her the medicine to drink, the consort started screaming in pain and collapsed on the bed, her nether regions bleeding. She was having a miscarriage. With the help of a few maids and physicians, she managed to stop the bleeding and keep her stable, but she knew very well it would be hell once everyone finds out about the loss of the Imperial offspring...

And the consort was a truly vengeful one.

“How could you...?! How could you?! You insolent wretch, you made me lose my child!” the consort was livid, thrown things at the girl who was trying to calm her down. “Hua Fei Niangniang, what have you been eating and drinking recently? Perhaps there may have been something put in your food or tea? Or perhaps the fragrances or incenses?” she tried to ask, but it was to no avail. The consort was so upset that the Emperor himself, along with the Empress, the Dowager, the Harem and the Princes had to come and console her. “Emperor! Emperor! This stupid bitch is jealous that you favour me and made sure I have a miscarriage! It happened just as I drank the medicine from her!” the consort threw herself in the Emperor’s arms, sobbing loudly. “Medicine takes at least half a day to act, and you barely took a sip from it. I’m asking again, has your food and drink intake been properly taken care of?” Y/N asked once again, in a gentle voice, hoping to have an answer...But none came, only screeches. “You vile devil! You came here to have all women of the Harem miscarry! You want favour all to yourself! That’s why you walk around the Princes like a fox, drawing them in! You’re a lust demon! Get the guards and take her! Make her punishment be fitting to her hair! A Zhang of Redness!” she shrieked, making all the women gasp in shock. “Your Highness, I have nothing to do with Niangniang’s miscarriage. You can have any physician look over the tea I prepared and all the prescriptions I gave her, and none of them hold any abortifacient plants. I rest my case, and I will investigate the causes of the miscarriage, and should it have been my mistake, I will accept such a punishment. If not, then I beg for Your Majesty’s mercy.” Y/N bowed deeply to the ground in front of the Emperor, who seemed to nod in understanding. “Very well. I won’t offer you much time, but until then, you have all resources at hand. Everyone is dismissed.” and thus, they all left...Except for the 4th Prince who crouched and helped the girl up, his expression unreadable. “You truly know how to get yourself in trouble, don’t you?” he spoke with obvious concern. “Though I withdraw my sword to cut the water, it still runs. I toast to dispel worry, and create more worry…The water still flows, though we cut it with our swords, And sorrow returns, though we drown it with wine…” she muttered, looking ahead of her, in the void of emptiness that became her heart. “You once said you were not talented in arts, yet here you are, quoting Li Bai. You will always be a surprise, won’t you?” Yin Zhen cast her a half smile, which she returned. “It only fits. Now go. The Emperor will have my head should I let a man rummage through a woman’s belongings.” she sighed, turning around to investigate the place, while hearing the taunts of the consort...Until she found a cup that oddly smelled like green papaya, and a mortar and pestle that still had some cinnamon and pomegranate seeds powder in it. Afraid that the consort would realise she found the incriminatory objects, she took out a bag and threw it on the table, feigning that she putting all her medical belongings back in the bag, only to have the cup and mortar taken as well, and with a bow, she hurried to her Palace to study them.

She didn’t know much about such plants since they weren’t exactly used in medicine, and yet, she had to study them, while hiding the bag with incriminatory objects very well.

It was a cold, yet beautiful snowy night, and Y/N felt so crushed by fear from the recent events, that without realising, stepped outside, her feet dragging her to Yin Zhen’s Palace, and she had no idea until his Eunuch spoke to her, welcoming her inside and scolding her for not wearing something warmer, before having the maids prepare tea and telling the Prince about her arrival.

Silence took over them as they played chess and drinking tea, yet her mind was somewhere else completely, making her lose for the first time...But he wasn’t surprised in the least.

“What did you find out?” he asked bluntly. “Do you hate me, Yin Zhen?” she asked, using one of her silver ring claws to stir the tea in her cup. “Why would you ask something like that...? Do you suspect me of framing you, or what?” he asked, shock obvious in his voice, until he realised the tears that were falling down her face. “Then...Why...? I...I thought you...Of all people...Wouldn’t...” Y/N was unable of cursive, coherent words as she raised her finger to eye level, showing that the silver claw became back. “I did NOT poison your tea! Shu Pei Gong, who prepared this tea? I want them brought here and held responsible right now!” the rage the Prince felt was immense, but he knew now to let feelings overtake his ration. “What did I do to deserve such hatred...? I’m not part of the harem, I never hurt anyone, I’ve always been respectful and helped everyone, I never wished for promotions, titles, ranks or favours...So why...Why...?! Why is this happening to me?!” she cried out, her heart suffering greatly, enough so that before he could say anything, she ran out again, taking a shortcut through the Plum garden, where she let herself fall to the ground, the freezing cold unbothering to her, as she felt as cold as ice from the constant heartache she suffered.

She hated the colour red, it was everywhere, yet people didn’t understand why she’d despise such a beautiful colour. It was the colour of her hair, the colour of Maple leaves, the colour of Plum blossoms, and of course, the colour of blood.

Blood, for that’s all she was seeing - Laying there, on the pure white snow, crystals falling from the sky, covering her in a soft blanket, the shade of her skin, contrasting her hair, her flowers and...The blood from her injury.

But as the dark abyss of death started taking over her senses, she saw two little jades that appeared and disappeared just like shy will’o’wisp spirit orbs.

What was in her head, running away like that, in the dead of such a freezing night, and why the Plum Garden that is like a crimson maze that could have served as her resting place.

Who would have known she would be so sensitive, Yin Zhen thought, and yet, he is her confidante, and she thought he poisoned her, which would be a shock for everyone, especially after everything going on in her life.

She looked so petite in his large bed, in his own pyjamas, as her own clothes were soaked from the snow and she’s already shivering, the last thing he’d want is for her to get deadly ill.

“Your Majesty, a blow to the back of her head with a blunt object cause her collapse and fainting, but the coldness worsened her health. She will need to rest and take medicine regularly. And...As much as possible, she must not stress, mentally, emotionally or physically.” the physician bowed to the Prince as he sat on the edge of the bed, gingerly brushing away the hair from her face. “Easier said than done when you’re dealing with such a stubborn hard-head...You may go now. I will look after her.” the Prince dismissed the physician who kowtow-ed and left the place that got quiet...So quiet...Save for her unconscious shivering. “What will I do with you, Y/N? How can I save you when you run away from me?” he muttered, placing a soft kiss on her forehead. “You should have left me there.” a soft whisper was her, as the girl opened her glistering eyes. “Don’t speak such nonsense.” he scolded her, yet his eyes were gentle. “What is death if not a blessing in disguise? For unfortunate people like me, only followed by misfortune...What is there to live for? Instead of investigating her case, I should have let her punish me. It would have been less painful than my discovery.” her voice was devoid of any life, yet the tears that delicately made their ways down her cheeks were enough proof of sorrow and heart break. “What are you talking about, Y/N? What did you discover?” he asked, his attention not wavering from her. “Wu Zetian? Diaochan? Hua Mulan? Tan Yunxian? Yang Guifei? What the hell was in my head? The only thing I could share with them is a broken heart. Why did I even dare to think that I, as a woman, would have any chance to achieve happiness and freedom? I can’t even try to be Lin Siniang, for I have no martial arts, and I can’t go and die in battle for someone. I’m completely and utterly useless.” the girl sighed, turning her back to the Prince, letting her hair drape over her face to avoid being seen. “Y/N, I am your confidante, tell me what happened. When you feel like you can’t trust anyone, not even your family, or the world, I will be here to listen and be honest with you, no matter what. I promise.” he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into a tight embrace, stroking her hair to calm her down, yet in only generated in her sobbing. “When I was struck and fell, I feigned being dead. I kept my eyes half-open, and I didn’t blink. I stopped breathing and looked up at the sky. And despite my blurring vision, I saw a pair of green orbs. And then, I heard a giggle, and a word. Just one word. You know what it was? They said - Finally - and then left. Do you understand what I mean, Yin Zhen?” she asked, letting go of him and looking him straight in the eyes. “You don’t mean...?” his eyes widened with surprise, not having expected something like that. “When I investigated the consort’s room, I found a cup that smelled of papaya and a mortar with cinnamon and pomegranate seeds. When she wasn’t looking, I stole them and went home to read more about these. My sisters visited me that night and we discussed about those items...And it was then that I found out that those plants cause natural, spontaneous abortions. They said they were worried about me...And then...They snitched on me to the consort. My maid warned me there were suspicious people lurking around so I secretly left my Palace and came to yours after taking the longest and darkest route. Somehow, they managed to make me paranoid enough by poisoning my tea in your own house...And I got scared and ran away. I was going to seek refuge at the Dowager, until the consort’s eunuch found me and yanked me over the head. That’s when I saw my sister’s eyes...The very same eyes that I hold...And most likely, they stole the items from my Palace and disposed of them...So what is there to live for, anyway?” she sighed, resting her head on his shoulder, weeping silently. “You have me and I will help you out. I won’t let anyone punish you, I promise you that.” he cupped her face, making her look at him with her sad, doe-like eyes. “Even if I escape punishment, who can mend my shattered heart? My father never supported my passions, so I did everything in secret...And my own sisters plotted and went against me, for some reason that I’m completely unaware of, considering I always took care of them, sent them any riches I had and got them out of trouble...And there’s no way I will ever escape the hell from the harem wrath, even if I’m not part of it. I am lost with no place to call home and nobody to love me. I should just go end myself with some wine, out in the Plum Garden. It would be a very fitting end with no pain. Very beautiful...Maybe some music would have made it perfect - “ she kept talking in self-deprecation, not realising how it upset the man in front of her, until he stopped her by kissing her with enough fire to begin the melting process over the frozen pieces of her heart, “Stop speaking like that, you are upsetting me. How can I marry you and spend the rest of my life with you by my side, if you let the world get to you and kill you?” he was scolding her in a gentle manner, his hand on top of her head, putting his forehead to hers. “How can I not, when my own sisters, that I raised and took care of since mother died, plotted my death and were happy to see me fall? My own family, Yin Zhen! How can I bare with that?!” her voice was full of emotions of all kinds, desperate to have someone to cling on. “Those who wish ill on you are not your family, even though you are bound by blood. You have me, Y/N. I vow to you, I would never leave you alone. I will always be there for you, no matter what, and I will never let anyone hurt you again.” the man said, making the girl sigh and shake her head. “What are you trying to say, Yin Zhen? There’s only so long until you’ll become the Emperor. Even if you want to, you won’t have the time to even remember I exist. And you will be busy with all your concubines every night. Don’t vow what cannot happen, or you will anger the Gods. Be realistic. You know how I am. I refuse to bare children, I refuse to deal with the harem. I will get jealous, and in the end, you will end up hurting me more than my own family did.” she hung her head, wiping away the stray tears. “When I become Emperor, I will be able to do anything I want to. It’s true, I will need heirs, but that’s what the harem is about, but that doesn’t mean I won’t hold you in my arms every night. You will be Empress, and you will help me with matters of the Palace. If the Consort can deal with the harem now, she can do so when I reign as well. Not to mention, the current Empress favours you, she will be kind with you once she becomes Dowager.” he explained reassuringly, which made her look up at him slowly. “Do you vow you always love me the most and have me and only me as your priority? And you will listen to me when I talk. And we will still hang out at midnight in the Cherry Garden, we will still go swimming, or swinging in the Peach Garden, we will still play the Zither and Flute together and you will still compliment me over the littlest things, no matter what?” Y/N spoke a bit more harshly, to get her point across, which only made the man chuckle. “I vow that I will still be your Confidante, and you will be mine, and things between us won’t change even when I become Emperor. Who else could sew me such comfortable pyjamas and then wear them much better than I do?” he pinched her cheek before kissing her forehead tenderly. “That’s because I have style. Now...Tell me, what should I do?” and her reply came in the form of a scoff of amusement as the Prince pulled her to his chest, making her sit on his lap. “Sometimes I wish you were more ruthless, little fox. But it’s fine, I will be ruthless enough for the both of us. Just trust me, and tomorrow, we’ll go together and prove your innocence once and for all.” he declared in a voice fit for an Emperor, before putting one hand on the back of her neck, while the other was on her waist, and pulling her flush against his chest, he kissed her, gently at first, to make sure she wouldn’t shatter in front of him like a precious china doll, only to gradually become more and more passionate.

And once again, just like when they first met, they locked tender gazes and got lost in their own paradise - You are mine and you can only be mine - He’d think, just for a split second, as he continued kissing and touching her skin, softer than any cloud.

The next day marked the beginning of his vow, as she woke up with his arms draped around her small form and him stroking her hair gently, before they got dressed properly and went to her palace, the Blue Lotus, only to find her maid freaking out and checking her for any injuries.

When they explained to her what happened, Shi Lian grinned and ran to fetch a bag that she buried in a secret place under the snow, revealing the incriminatory objects that she risked so much for. The maid then pointed out that some eunuchs came over and tried to search the place, with the help of one of her sisters, only to find nothing and return fearfully to the noble consort, their mission failed.

Wait until they see she isn’t dead, really.

And so, Yin Zhen baited the sisters into going to the consort’s house, and told the Emperor to wait outside of the door and listen, only interfering if and when he sees fit.

“4th Prince, what ever could be the reason for summoning us like that?” the consort asked with a feign-innocent smirk o her face. “I believe it’s high time to finish investigating a crime, correct, consort? The mystery behind your miscarriage?” Yin Zhen’s eyes were sharp, yet victorious. “Ahh, yes, but wasn’t it confirmed to be that woman physician’s negligence?” she preferred to fake admiring her hand jewellery, instead of looking at the prince. “That is quite the narrative you painted, isn’t it? Painted with her blood, and the blood of my father’s offspring. Clearly, there is no shameful level of low-ness that you wouldn’t stoop to, just to gain my father’s attention and favour, isn’t it? Even going as far as to frame the only physician who would properly be able to heal you and the women of the Palace. She fought hard to convince my Imperial Father, the Emperor, to allow her to be a medicine practitioner, with you in her mind, not her own well-being. You must truly be cruel and desperate to want to get the Emperor’s favour that badly, again. You must know you’re getting old and ugly, and you won’t be my Father’s favourite anymore...And his favourites will be the newer concubines...Like Y/N’s sisters, who have unique, green eyes, unlike all the other women here.” the Prince hit the nail spot on, making the consort look at him with fear and indignation. “U-Uhm, Prince, I know you favoured Y/N Jiejie, but why are you dragging us into this?” Liyan asked cautiously. “Because the consort came to you with an alliance - If you get rid of Y/N, you won’t bully the sisters for being young and favoured. However, the sisters were jealous of Y/N of having favour from everyone without having to conform to the norms every woman has to, for she is not a concubine, therefore, she had nothing to fight for except your lives. To think that her own sisters that she took care of would plot her own demise without a single speck of regret. You caught her when she was most vulnerable, alone, in the Plum Garden, then had some eunuch strike her over the head with a wooden bat. Truly horrific to think family would behave like this.” the Prince played the detective part, explaining the story he heard from the girl herself. “What gives you the right to accuse us of such treacheries?! We would never hurt Jiejie!” Xiyan growled at the man, only for a surprise to happen, as the woman in cause entered the scene dramatically. “Wouldn’t you?” Y/N asked in a low voice, earning gasps of shock from the 3 other women. “J-Jiejie! You’re alright! You’re alive!” Xiyan’s lips quivered, as her eyes were darting between her sister and the consort. “Why wouldn’t I be alive, Xiyan Meimei? Was something supposed to happen that would guarantee my imminent death?” Y/N tilted her head slightly to the side, staring deep into her sister’s eyes, searching for the truth. “N-No, of course not! Why ever would you claim something so cruel?” Xiyan chuckled nervously, walking a few feet backwards. “All my life I thought myself the family disappointment since I never was the perfect woman that father wanted me to be, to bring honour to the family...But I know for sure that I never raised a liar or a traitor. You are a disappointment. To think you’d partner up with the consort to kill me, and then, when I talked to you about the evidence I found in her palace, you’d try to kill me and steal the objects. My maid is my family more than you ever were.” Y/N shook her head in disappointment, taking out the bag, which made the three women widen their eyes in horror, knowing very well what was going to happen. “Look at them, they are already pissing themselves with fear. They know what is in them.” Yin Zhen scoffed at them. “This is the consort’s cup, from which she drank Green Papaya juice...And this is a mortar in which cinnamon and pomegranate seeds were crushed into a powder. All of these are known to naturally induce abortions, so it’s no wonder she had a miscarriage when I gave her the medicine. You wanted the attention and to kill me, so what better way to do so than to frame me, punish me yourself, and have the Emperor hate me and potentially kill me? A Zhang of Redness, you said. How cruel of you, Consort.” Y/N taunted her once again, showing the evidence, putting them on the table. “You’re insane! This is a conspiracy! You have 4th Prince’s and you got him to conspire against me! You’re the worst!” the Consort shrieked at the girl, almost getting physically aggressive, until the Emperor himself stepped in the room. “That’s enough! How shameless can you be? I understand being jealous of the women of the harem, but of someone who is here only to save your lives? Impertinent!” the Emperor’s booming voice resounded throughout the room, drowning out the consort’s whinings for a little while. “Y/N, you have been the wronged one here, I will let their punishment be of your choosing, no matter how harsh. I will take my leave now, I cannot stand to look at these wretches anymore.” and so, he left the place, letting the consort grovel on the ground, helplessly, shrieking in the worst high-pitched voice. “All’s well when it ends well, I’d say.” Y/N muttered, looking at her two little sisters. “What do you two have to say in your defense?” “We are sorry, Y/N Jiejie, we were wrong! Please, forgive us!” the twins jumped on her, hugging her tightly, stunning the poor girl. “How cruel. You know she’s soft hearted so you try to play her again. You are shameless leeches.” Yin Zhen spoke out, seeing the conflict in his lover’s eyes...Only for her to gasp suddenly and widen her eyes in shock. “Finally...Huh? You’re truly the worst...Yin Zhen told me to be more ruthless...Perhaps I should begin now.” with a pained expression on her face, she pushed the sisters away from her, revealing the bleeding stab wound from her abdomen. “How many more times are you going to try to kill me? As many times needed until you finally succeed...But you think a tiny blade like this will do the trick? If poison, a bat to the head and the freezing cold didn’t kill me, this is nothing more than a mosquito’s bite for me.” Y/N looked at Liyan with disgust as she snatches away the dagger by the blade, throwing it away. “Y/N...!” Yin Zhen looked in horror at the wound that kept bleeding and bleeding, staining the green material of her beautiful dress. “This all began when you wanted to punish me with A Zhang of Redness. My hair is red. The Plum blossoms are red. My spilled blood was red as well. Now, it’s your turn. All three of you, I punish you with a Zhang of Redness, and should you live, I will take away all your titles and riches. Hopefully, you will see what I felt when I realised that death would be a blessing, rather than living. Enjoy your lives as paralysed traitors, you three.” despite the single tear straying down her face, Y/N’s eyes were cold and merciless, at least just for then, as hearing her little sisters scream, sob and plea for her to have mercy on them and forgive them was something that unavoidably crushed her, but there was nothing she could do about it anymore. “Every day with you is like watching a dramatic tragedy at the opera.” the prince sighed, picking her up carefully and bringing her to his palace, so the physicians would tend to her wound. “Isn’t my life a tragedy enough as it is, without you having to remind me?” she scoffed, turning away from him. “It won’t be anymore, my dear. I promise you.” and with that, Yin Zhen embraced Y/N once again, taking away all her sorrows, at least for the night, and many more other nights.

~~~ I also have a Sad Ending, read at your own risk. If I were you, I wouldn’t read it, but we all know how some need angst to live ~~~

But years passed faster than the blink of an eye, and as the norm asked for, problems still surrounded everyone in the Palace, since it wouldn’t be the Imperial Court otherwise.

It was needless to say was still mourning not having her sisters around anymore, as one of them died, while the other remained paralysed in the Cold Palace, and as soon as her father came by to sell his Western products and found out the fate of his children, he blamed Y/N for being heartless and bringing dishonor to their family by being the complete opposite of what a woman should be.

And so...They weren’t so young anymore, but double the age from when they met, and Yin Zhen now became Emperor Yongzheng, and Y/N was his Empress, just as promised.

At first, he was loyal to his vow - No matter who he’d be forced to visit for the night, he’d still return to her and hold her in his arms until the light of morning creeped through the windows, waking them up, but time is a feeble enemy, and words are easily forgotten.

Daily, became Weekly, just like Weekly, became Monthly.

He would barely come by to visit, let alone spend the night with her, and meals together were as scarce as trustworthy people in the palace.

Every day, she was forced to wake up and get ready to welcome all the concubines who had to pay their respects to her, only to be mocked for not being the Emperor’s favourite anymore.

It wasn’t like she couldn’t complain too much to the Dowager, as she already tried to remind her Son multiple times not to forget and neglect his own Empress, his own wife and beloved for so many ages, and yet, it only worked for a little time, and so, realising how she was being problematic to everyone by complaining about her loneliness, only to get shut down and reminded that that is the fate of any woman...

A woman, more alone now than ever before.

She would often go out to the special places she shared with Yin Zhen, often lost in thought, as memories kept flooding her mind and damaging her heart, only to realise that no matter how much she’d try to keep herself busy, her mind would still fly over to him.

She would try to practice the flute and zither from dusk till dawn, and even to the latest hours in the night, only for him not to even remember she could play, and asking the younger, pretties concubines to play, at all banquets held.

She would practice all kinds of intricate dances, wearing the flowiest of dresses that looked like the river, only to hear that she should settle for clothing fit for her age, and see him dancing with other women in the light of the moon.

She would sew random brocades and threads in whatever piece of garment she could think of, only to then throw it in the fire in frustration, knowing he hasn’t worn anything she’s made for him lately.

She would practice calligraphy until the candles were almost burnt and her eyes were burning from the sleep depravation and straining, only to rip the books apart, noticing the tears, smudges and shakiness on the pages.

For a while, she refused to leave her palace completely, only to realise her thoughts were much darker when alone, so she would walk through the secluded gardens and weep on the now deserted swing from the Peach Garden.

No matter how much she tried, her poor maid, Shi Lian, could never make her happy again, for the only one who can mend a broken heart is the one who threw it to the ground in the first place, but he was too busy with others, and Shi Lian was so angry at the Emperor, pitying the poor woman, especially since she, herself, was married and with children.

But she was happy, and Y/N was at least happy for her good fortune. At least she, her only friend, deserves to be happy.

On one winter day, the Emperor held a banquet, declaring that a famous Zither player would entertain them, and as customs said, the Empress must, too, attend, but big was her shock when she recognised that beautiful and otherwise stoic man with silver hair, whose emotions coloured the worlds while playing the instrument, and she couldn’t help but cry when she heard ‘Autumn Moon over the Han Palace’ and ‘Plum-Blossoms in Three Movements’ , songs which reminded her of her younger self, and the time he started courting her, before she chose duty over happiness and entered the Palace.

What a foolish decision. Instead of living for herself, she always lived for others, which only caused her sorrow and misfortune. Maybe she deserves it, and this is her karma for being such an idiot.

After the banquet was ready, she went to talk to the musician alone, who clearly recognised her as soon as he first laid his eyes upon her still beautiful face.

“Not even time can destroy such beauty. My heart is happy seeing you again, Y/N. And I see you became the Empress.” JiKang spoke, his voice warmer now than with anyone else. “Time is cruel, for it destroys words and promises. I am an Empress over nothing but the ashes of my own heart and the disrespect I receive from everyone. You, however, seem to be thriving as usual. I can only guess how many places you’ve visited thus far, and how much you’ve learned over the years. I truly envy you.” she spoke with sorrow and helplessness. “Women are forced to choose duty over themselves. If you, however, wish to defy all laws, my offer still stands.” he spoke, taking her hands in his, rubbing them comfortingly. “If I could turn back time, I would give up everything, just to be with you. To be free. To have someone who wouldn’t lie to me for decades and then forget I exist. I only wished to learn, love, and be happy...But I suppose I was too greedy to even dare wish for good fortune on myself. Which is why, I cannot leave without first talking to the Emperor. If I leave without another word, he would hunt me down, and kill you, above all else, and that is not something that I would ever wish for. I will tell him to fake my death and get another Empress. If he accepts, I will come with you. If not...Then...” she trailed on, sighing, without having the strength to utter those dreaded words. “Then, I will return to you another time and play songs, to mend your heart.” the Zither player promised, only for a brief silence to take over, as her green eyes, once full of life, like the evergreen forest, were as dead as the ashes of a pine tree. “...There will be no next time.” her sentence was coded, but him, as an emotional person, was the one who understood her the best. “Then I shall create a score and play the ‘Requiem for God’s Caged Bird’ and ‘The Lovely Fox Spirit and The Wavering Dragon’ in your honour, wherever I go.” was his last promise to her, as he watched her small form become no more in front of his very eyes.

And it was true, he never saw her, for the discussion between the Emperor and the Empress went as bad as it could get, even going as far as to strike her face, which reminded her of yet another promise that he broke. It should be all of them, by now, she thought, as she looked at him with an exhausted expression.

“You promised me so many things, and in the end, you broke all of them. Thank you, my darling Yin Zhen, for reminding me that I’ve been nothing more than your caged song bird that you forgot and threw in another room, in cold and darkness, to slowly starve and die in agony. The least you could have done was to fake my death and let me be happy, for the few years that I had left on this world. But, of course, nobody from your collection can escape, can they? Next time, I would suggest Zhen Huan, she is a lovely girl, and you love her the most, and in turn, she truly loves you. Just...Make sure not to treat her the same way you did with me...Goodbye, my beloved Yin Zhen. I truly loved you...And I still do.” she spoke...And then she left, not giving him the chance to say another word.

But that all happened during day light, as the next night, the true banquet would take place, to celebrate New Year’s Day, and JiKang would play once again. And she wasn’t there, just as he’d expected. And he played more beautifully, more emotionally, than he ever did in his entire life, showing how much he cherished her, and how angry and frustrated he is with the Emperor took her away from him, mistreated her, constantly lying and breaking her heart.

“Shi Lian, my dear, why are you still here? You should be with your family, not with some old, pitiful woman like myself.” Y/N spoke from her writing table as she finished a note, putting her seal over it, and folding it so its contents won’t be seen. “Your Majesty, don’t be silly! I am your maid, I will always be here for you!” she chuckled brightly, which made the Empress give her a sad smile, her heart hurting as if impaled, once again. “Well...I won’t be going to the Banquet tonight, that much is clear. I can hear the beautiful music from over here. Here, take this. Give it to the Emperor’s Head eunuch as fast as possible, and tell him to give it to the Emperor when he wakes up in the morning, otherwise, nobody is allowed to read it, okay?” she said, wiping a few tears. “Yes, Your Majesty, I will hurry there right now!” the maid said, but before she left, the Empress rose to her feet, pulling her into an embrace. “Thank you, Shi Lian. You have been my only friend all this time. Thank you for everything. Now, please, after you’re done with this task, go stay with your family. I will have an early night...I am extremely tired.” she stroked her hair, almost in a motherly way, which confused the maid, but nonetheless, smiled at her master. “No, Master, thank you for being the amazing woman that you are. It’s an honour being by your side!” she bowed slightly, before rushing to the door. “Sweet dreams, Y/N Niangniang!” Shi Lian grinned cheerfully before taking off to the palace. “...I’m sure I will.” Y/N sighed, taking a bag and going to the Plum Garden, wearing nothing but her pyjamas.

She sat down on the soft grass, ignoring the cold that was paralysing her senses, and she took out the bottle of red wine, pouring herself a cup, before letting it spill on the ground. Then, she took a sachet, pouring its powdery contents into the bottle, and started rapidly gulping it down, letting the burning sensation in her throat be the only warm part in her body. When the bottle was finally empty, she put it back in the bag, taking out a beautifully engraved vertical jade flute, that Yin Zhen gifted her after winning the competition where he played the zither, against the Princess of Western Liang, and so, she let all her emotions flow and be scattered all over China, through the wind, propelled by the sound of the instrument, all while the snowflakes were beautifully dancing around her, creating different accessories embellished with ice, that would set down on her, making her look like a Snow Empress.

If it weren’t for the tragic truth, she would look almost ethereal - With her white face, and white nightgown, the white decor, the green eyes and flute...The red hair, the red wine, the red plum blossoms...And the red blood.

She played and wept until she couldn’t feel her fingers anymore, not her frozen lips, as the flute fell from her hands and she let herself sit back on the bed of snow, looking up at the sky, just as she did, over 20 years ago.

Her death was tragically beautiful, just as she said back then.

“I should just go end myself with some wine, out in the Plum Garden. It would be a very fitting end with no pain. Very beautiful...Maybe some music would have made it perfect.” that’s what she said, long ago, and remembering her own words, she let darkness take over her, greeting it with a smile on her face - A smile, after decades of weeping.

A true smile.

The next morning, the Emperor woke up, with the beautiful Zhen Huan by his side, and his Head Eunuch waiting for him for any command.

“Your Majesty, the Empress’ maid came by yesterday, saying that Her Majesty instructed her that you should be reading this now, in the morning, as you’ve waken up. She said she doesn’t know what it contains, as Her Majesty was secretive, but she said Her Majesty was behaving a bit...Odd.” the Eunuch explained the situation, as the Emperor, nodded with a grunt of approval, taking and unfolding the scroll that was neatly written in her beautiful calligraphy.

My Darling Yin Zhen,

To think that this is what time had in store for us...It’s almost pitiful to think that we would grow apart like this, considering how close we used to be at the beginning, when you were still a Prince, and we didn’t have any real worries on our shoulders.

Now, here we are, the same way we promised we would never become - Enstranged.

I missed you so much, every day and every night - I would always look at you, and see you, yet you never spared a glance my way anymore.

Saying that I used to be jealous is an understatement, I warned you of that before I even accepted to be with you, yet I never imagined that this would become beyond that, and that I would die of a broken heart, for my missing beloved.

Every day, I would count the promises and vows you made for me, and every day, I would cross them, one by one, and crush a flower in my hands, for every broken one, until there was nothing left.

You promised you would love me, and only me, but as soon as the Palace became flooded with gorgeous concubines, all yours to take, your heart forgot me, and it split all its love to all the women that you shared your bed with, and so, I crushed a Lotus flower.

Your promised you would always hold me in your arms at night, no matter of the woman you’d have to do your Imperial Duty with, and yet, it didn’t take long for you to remember that my bed was made for the both of us, and so, I crushed a Cherry blossom.

You promised you will always tease me, flick my forehead and pinch my cheeks, then kiss them, only for you to cast cold eyes at me whenever I spoke or did something silly, letting the Consort or Dowager deal with me, while you would play and to the same things you used to do with me, with other women, and so, I crushed a Plum blossom.

You used to compliment me on all my small achievements, no matter how silly or insignificant they were, but now, you gave away all the clothes I sew you, all the snacks, cakes and tea I would make you, and all the accessories I would spend days and night to make, and so, I crushed a Begonia flower.

You used to point out how my eyes were sparkling with life and joy whenever I was around you, and how all colours looked amazing on me, you said I was the Empress of Flowers, and yet, ever since you became Emperor, only dark eyes sparkle with happiness around you, and you said I should wear clothes for my age and stop fooling around, and so, I crushed a Peony.

You used to always accompany me whenever I played music, we even beat the Princess of Western Liang together, I with the flute, that you later gifted me, and you with the zither, and after that, you even gifted me that amazing Liang hair ornament...Only for you to forget that I can play musical instruments too, and only let the younger girls perform for you, and so, I crushed a Chrysanthemum.

You used to kiss me with so much love and passion, warming up and mending by broken, frozen heart, as you promised nothing in this life would ever hurt me again, and I would never be alone, and yet, you are the one who completely crushed me, forgetting about me, as if I was some ugly, ragged old doll, thrown away and forgotten by time and life, and so, I crushed a Camellia.

You used to be my confidante, my best and only friend, we trusted each other with all our secrets and gossips, and only each other, and yet, you completely stopped talking to me, making other confidantes now, and here I am, having no one but my maid to talk with, as my last living sister hates me eternally, and rightfully so, and so, I crushed a Narcissus.

You used to take me out at midnight and dance under the veil of stars, under the healing, guarding, loving light of Mother Moon, and we would confess our undying love for each other, and yet, nothing is eternal, and your love for me extinguished like the fire from a candle, and reignited on many other candles, and so, I crushed an Azalea.

But most importantly...

You promised that, no matter what, our hearts will always belong to each other, and nobody else - I kept my end of the promise, but you broke it as soon as you took the throne, and I watched you run further and further away from me, while I was wilting away, exhausted, starving, alone...And so...I crushed a thorny Rose...And let the blood spill on the pure snow...The same pure snow that was my life and innocence which you tainted with your negligence and lies.

The least you could have done was to let me live, at least for now, but it is as you once said - ‘Don’t look at other men, don’t leave me. You are mine, and you can only be mine’ - such an innocent phrase, that only applied to you, not to me, as I had to share you with countless women, yet you didn’t even let me tug on the last string of hope that coincidentally found itself in front of me.

It was a mirage, just like the happiness you promised me, and no matter how much I tried to run, the image became further and further distant, until my legs gave up, and I began crawling...And crawling...Until it disappeared completely, and I lay grieving on the deserted snow, warmer than your own ice-cold heart.

I should have chosen happiness over duty - I should have eloped with JiKang back then, before I chose to honour everyone and come into the Palace, but that was my biggest mistake, and my greatest downfall - I met you, and as soon as I looked into your eyes, I was trapped.

I was truly nothing more than your caged songbird, and once you got tired of my song, you threw away the key, and my cage in some forgotten chamber, scary, away from any form of life, darker and colder than anything, even Hell.

But it’s fine.

In the end, if it wasn’t true for you, it was true for me, and on my last seconds alive, as I lay on the blanket of snow, just as I told you back then, listening to my own Requiem being played at the Banquet, I count the falling snowflakes, and with each of them, I would think of a beautiful moment that we shared together, and my heart, despite being shattered, smiled, after ages of forgetting how to.

I am happy, at least now, as I lay dying, knowing that I will finally see my beloved Yin Zhen again, as you took him away from me - You, Emperor Yongzheng, destroyed the love between me, Y/N, a simple physician, and Yin Zhen, the 4th Prince, who truly loved me with all of his heart, and I, in turn, loved him with every fiber of my very being.

I blame you, Emperor Yongzheng, for taking my beloved away from me, and taking my youth and heart and locking them in a cell, but at least now, I know that I can be happy, with him, my beautiful, sweet, lovely Yin Zhen, my husband, best friend and confidante.

The only person who was ever by my side all this time has been my maid, Shi Lian - And as a thank you, I want to promote her to Lady Yongqing, and all my riches go to her - I wish you only the best, and I hope, my dear Shi Lian, that you will be happy for me as well.

In the end, I was never Wu Zetian, or Hua Mulan, nor Diaochan or Yang Gufei - I was just Y/N, a pitiful Physician, a pitiful Empress, and, above all, a sad woman, trapped in a hopeless world of sorrow.

Goodbye.

Y/N, the Female Imperial Physician.

Reading that, the Emperor didn’t realise that tears were escaping from his eyes, as he rushed out of the room, making his way to the Plum Garden, only to find the woman he loved with all his being dead, covered by snow, her skin paler than ice itself, and a red stain where her head was - Wine, replicating the incident many years ago. Next to her, lay the flute he gifted her long ago, and he realised that she was playing her sorrows until the very end. He discovered the wine bottle and poison sachet in the bag, the very bag that she used to steal the incriminatory objects from the consort long ago, and on the snow, he saw a phrase written, one so ironic, yet painful beyond belief.

“A Zhang of Redness”

In the end, she was right - It all began and ended with A Zhang of Redness.

He was, once again, Yin Zhen, the man hopelessly in love, and hopelessly crushed, as he held her in his arms and wept, the salty droplets of water falling down her face in rivers, and in that moment, he couldn’t help but have flashbacks from his youth, all of them, with her by his side.

He truly was the worst, being capable of neglecting the one person he held in higher esteem than Buddha himself, and yet, he let this happen.

How could he let this happen? Why did he do something like this? Did the title of Emperor really get to his head like that? Did he truly forget who he was all this time? Was he, maybe, the one trapped in a false world, away from any exits or escapes?

He didn’t know, and yet, one thing was sure - Y/N was dead, and there was no bringing her back.

At her funeral, he invited JiKang to play, and the Emperor could feel the musician’s own heart throbbing in sorrow, as he looked at her with empty eyes, and yet, the pity and anger he felt was obvious from the way he played.

As night came, and they all lit lanterns to float into the skies, and put candles on lotus flowers, to light up her way to a better, more beautiful world, the two men remained alone, only sadness linking them.

“What were the songs that you played?” the Emperor asked in a low voice. “Songs that I promised I would play in her honour, the last time we talked. I knew what she was going to do, and yet, knowing that she killed herself when I played for her - And more - that she, herself, played, makes my heart ache even more. ‘Requiem for God’s Caged Bird’ and ‘The Lovely Fox Spirit and The Wavering Dragon’ were the name of the songs.” the musician replied with a certain harsh coldness that resembled a blizzard. “I see...Very fitting indeed.” he grunted in approval hearing his statement. “You are the cruelest man alive. Instead of taking care of her, you let her die. You didn’t even give her a second chance of living. You were desperate to possess everything and everyone. To have everything under your control. So much that you don’t even notice, nor care, that the most beautiful flower wilted in your very own hands. You should be ashamed of yourself, to even call yourself an Emperor. You never deserved her, that much, is clear to me.” JiKang glared at the Emperor, not caring for any kind of repercussion. “You are correct. I never deserved her. I loved her more than anything in this world, and yet, I destroyed everything for her, and now, she is no more. She shares the same fate as all the Four Beauties of China - A most tragic end, for all of them. And the worst is that she needed to die in order for me to wake up, and now, I can’t even make it up to her. Honouring her after death means nothing, if I didn’t while she was alive. It changes nothing.” the Emperor sighed deeply, looking at the stars, the ones she loved so much, and would count together from the top of the flowery hill. “That star right there - It used to be our star. Whenever we’d go to the hill together, we’d search for it. It was our guardian star. It was the brightest, and most beautiful. And now, it seems to be be even brighter...Just like that tale of the Rabbit Moon Goddess.” “...At least bother remembering her after death, if you couldn’t do it while she was alive.” the musician left the Emperor to his own thoughts. “I am sorry, my darling Y/N. I love you. Forever. Endlessly. Only you.” the Emperor muttered, staring at the star, allowing himself to mourn properly now, away from anyone’s eyes.

The Palace of Blue Lotus became her shrine, filled with flowers and beautifully written poems, and guarding it, a statue of her, and a statue of a nine tailed fox, a Huli jing, were standing there, letting offerings of flower crowns, jewelleries, jades and trinkets be placed around and all over them, to honour her kind, beautiful heart, as it should have happened while she was alive.

As promised, the Emperor promoted Shi Lian, but to the title of Lady Shuyu, just like Y/N once was, and offered her a huge allowance, almost the size of an Empress, hoping that it would make Y/N happy beyond life...Yet seeing the maid grieving, her face pink and puffy, no longer cheerful, hurt him beyond belief, as he was reminded of the sins he committed.

And so, once again, he had to pink new concubines for his unfortunate Harem, along with his new Empress, Zhen Huan, just as Y/N said...And there she was, a beautiful young woman, full of life and hope, obviously not wanting to become a slave to him, so he interrogated him, just as he did with Y/N, long ago. This time, his brother, Duke Guo, a free soul seeking his soulmate, was by his side.

The Emperor ordered for a zither to be brought forth for the woman to play, and as soon as she did, his brother joined in, accompanying her in perfect sync, and just as it happened to him long ago, their eyes were trapping each other in a beautiful enchantment of love and bashfulness.

Please, Gods, let them be what I and Y/N couldn’t be, Yin Zhen begged in his heart, watching those two shyly exchanging looks.

“I know you never wanted to serve me as a concubine. You very much resemble my wife, the late Empress Y/N. If you were to join the harem, your heart will be destroyed. That is why...If you would want to, I will allow you to marry any man you fall in love with, even if it is my own brother, Duke Guo. He always preached about wanting to find the his soulmate, and you two look at each other the same way I and Y/N would, long ago. Don’t waste this love on stupid things, like I did. Cherish it, and keep your promises to each other. You never know when life snatches away your happiness, leaving only emptiness and sorrow behind.” Yin Zhen looked at them, his heart conflicted, feeling both happiness and sadness, as the man and woman in front of him appeared to be just another version of himself and Y/N.

He couldn’t see the girl, nor his brother.

He could only see a beautiful red haired woman with green eyes, flowers in her long, cascading hair, and her gorgeous green gown, looking like a Fox Spirit, or a Lotus...And a man, gazing at her lovingly, wearing vibrant gold, his expression soft, despite the deep, dark eyes, that now held love, warmth and tenderness in them.

It wasn’t some random girl and some random boy.

It was Y/N and Yin Zhen.

And then he wept once again for their lost love.

#legend of the phoenix #legend of the phoenix imagine #legend of the phoenix x reader #yin zhen #yin zhen x reader #yin zhen imagine #yin zhi #emperor kangxi #emperor yongzeng #empress #noble consort #a zhang of redness #angst #legend of the phoenix yin zhen #legend of the phoenix yin zhen x reader #legend of the phoenix yin zhen imagine

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springday-aus · 3 years

Text

SVT’s Jeonghan: Love, War and Everything Between || part one

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Fic Piece Written by: Admin Grandma of @springday-aus

Moodboard Link: Created by Admin Grandpa

Character Pairing: Y/N [fem. reader] and Seventeen’s Yoon Jeonghan

Other Characters: Nu’est’s Baekho [known as Dongho], Seventeen [Seungcheol and Jisoo, along with idiot squad!Soonyoung, Seokmin, and Seungkwan], and more to be added along the way!

Genre: historical, romance, drama, royal!au, arranged marriage!au + gender role reversal

None of this is even remotely historically accurate. This is all purely fiction!

Type: series

prologue || part 01 || part 02 || part 03 → to be available! check the progress on our upcoming page!

Word Count: approx. 2.6k

Plot Summary: Korea’s most distinguished military general arrives home, carrying back glory and honor from the war. However, the general has been revealed to be a woman! Due to the prominent military accomplishments you have made as the highest ranking general, by orders of the Empress, you are arranged to be married to the second-eldest prince, Yoon Jeonghan. Only one problem lies between you two: your reputation as a ruthless killing machine, which scares the living daylights out of your new husband.

→ Inspired by: the Chinese drama, Oh My General (also known as The General Above I Am Below)

Warnings: graphic violence, glorified war, murder, sexual harassment, sex discrimination (mainly against women), poly-relationships (i.e. concubines), political corruption, and homosexual tendencies

It had taken six months for the final battle to commence, and three full years of ruthless war, before they finally conceded. Needless to say, the new recruits were lucky to be under your jurisdiction. Had they not, the body count would have been much higher.

Your grip tightens on the rein of your horse, feeling the guilt and anguish wash over you once more of those who have fallen. While it is inevitable to lose soldiers in war, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt any less.

You take a small breath in, calming yourself once more and settling back into the reality.

The war had begun in the fall, whereas now, it is well into the summer season. You close your eyes, feeling the sun shine warmly on your skin. Taking another breath in, you open your eyes once more to take in the sights.

White butterflies dance over the grass, teasing flowers as they move along. The flowers are in full bloom; even the dirt path, which was once wet and muddy, has patches of grass that pop out from the cracks. While you have traveled to many areas, you were never able to take in the sights—well, at least, the less violent ones.

Ah, war. Politicians may declare war as much as they please, but they have yet to have seen how it destroys the average person—even a general as distinguished as yourself.

“General?”

“Yes,” you say. “What’s wrong, Dongho?”

You don’t look back at him, but you can hear his horse’s footsteps catch up to yours—slowing down to remain a couple of paces behind.

“How are you feeling?” he asks.

You smile to yourself. “Rather sentimental.” You turn to him. “When was the last time we ever allowed ourselves to take in nature like this?”

His smile reflects yours. “I believe it was the last time we had been called to fulfill our duty.”

You click your tongue, with a disapproved shake of your head. “We need to go on these outings more often.”

“Well,” Dongho starts. “It’s hard to go on leisurely walks as one of the nation’s most notable figures.”

“And this is why you’re my second-in-command.” You let out another sigh, a bit longer than the previous one. “It’s hard to roam around with such a large target on your back.”

“In hindsight, you are very skilled in many areas. Whether it’s swordsmanship, archery, or taekkyon, only a suicidal fool would challenge you.”

“A suicidal fool, such as yourself?”

“Yes, General,” he says with a chuckle. “I’m a suicidal fool, who has yet to have learned his lesson.”

Dongho has been by your side for as long as you can remember. The two of you lived as neighbors, and evidently best friends, for ten years. When your father and brothers died, there was a brief separation period until you turned fourteen—in which you had met again, when you were starting your military training on request of your grandfather.

Since then, you two trained together, side-by-side in combat for the next twelve years. You rose the ranks together—you as the General and he as the military counselor.

You hear a groan from your left side. “Are we there yet?”

“Kim Jisoo,” you call. “You should know by now how long these journeys are.”

Your bodyguard playfully scowls at you. “Pardon me for being used to having company on these trips.”

From beside her, Namjoo, your other bodyguard, directs a punch to her sister’s arm. “You speak as if I’m dead.” She makes eye contact with you, before rolling her eyes at her sisters antics. “Father would be upset had he heard your inauspicious words.”

Lieutenant Kim worked alongside your father and you’re lucky enough to have him by yours as well. He’s like another family member—practically a close uncle, who is more than aware of your peculiar situation. Along with Lieutenant Kim came his two daughters, Jisoo and Namjoo.

Because he spent all of his time in the military, so did they. They learned as he taught and trained the other soldiers, including yourself and Dongho. Then, when the time came, you gave the both of them the bodyguard positions.

Of course there was protest, especially from their male counterparts who wanted their positions. While the Kims had a good laugh, there were also rumors that spread on your part—you had become known as a playboy, who became desperate for female attention while serving in the military.

Eventually, those rumors had been shut down, considering how your military contributions outweighed the gossip that spread due to envious soldiers. Your status easily overpowered theirs (lack thereof) and you dealt with them... accordingly.

(No one died, but it didn’t mean you didn’t cause some emotional trauma for them. You were nicknamed the Devil for a reason).

But, alas, this is also the root of your predicament.

“You aren’t the company I was referring to,” Jisoo says.

“If you’re referring to those pretty boys back at the capitol,” Namjoo says. “You might as well be the dead one.”

You chuckle at their banter. Jisoo is right (although you would never tell her): it would be nice to have a pretty boy by your side. But, with the current conditions, you know it would only be difficult for him.

Granted, this would be made a burdensome situation for you as well—the only difference being that you’re made of the tougher materials in life and will not hesitate to kill a man when crossed against.

Their banter fades into the background, with Dongho attempting to separate the two before the duo of sisters suddenly becomes solo.

You look up at the bright and clear sky once more, enjoying the moment of peace before the storm strikes.

It’s been about three days before you determined a stopping point, in order to set up camp for the evening. Your soldiers have been on rotation since then; you figure that they should get a well-needed break.

You smirk to yourself. The joke’s on them, considering how the lower ranks are the ones who actually set up: the tents, the cots, the fires.

The sun has already set for the day; the moon shines brightly and the stars twinkle against the evening sky. It’s truly the countryside; in the city, you don’t get sights like these. Too much pollution and such. It only means you and your soldiers still have a long road back to the capitol.

A long sigh escapes you as you stand outside your tent—naturally, with Namjoo on one side and Jisoo on the other.

“What’s wrong, General?” Namjoo asks.

Jisoo turns to you. “Is something bothering you?”

You let out another sigh. “It’s less of a bother and more of a concern.”

“What kinds of concerns?” Jisoo asks. “Could we be of any help to you?”

“Considering we are your protectors,” Namjoo adds with a pointed look.

“And your best friends,” Jisoo says.

“Female best friends.”

You crack a small smile—one that rarely showed during this period. “When do you think…” Your words trail off, trying to find the correct words. “When do you think this charade should be over and done with?”

Namjoo blinks wordlessly, not seeming to understand your question.

“What do you mean, General?” Jisoo asks. “Are you referring to…? Possibly…?”

“When can I fully become (Y/N) rather than just a general?”

“You’re not just a general,” Namjoo says. “You have risen up to become the General. The one who serves and protects your kingdom best.”

“It’s not that I’m dissatisfied with my accomplishments. I’m proud of them, but I would prefer them to be my own rather than the son of the (Y/L/N) family.” You laugh inwardly at your own words.

Son. What a joke.

You did what you’ve had to, but, what was the real cost? The countless men you have killed? The women and children who were left with no one to care for them in this patriarchal society?

What about your own life? What would life had been like, had your father and brothers not been killed? Would you have been married off to a family as well? Or would you still be in the military, serving with the other soldiers like now?

There’s a moment of silence and the two struggle to find their words—whereas you’re left again to your own thoughts.

It’s Jisoo who speaks first. “I want to tell you it would all be okay and things would remain the same.”

“But?”

“But it won’t.” She tilts her head up, the stars shimmering in her eyes. “Things will be hard and things will be difficult. And, whenever you make that decision, we’ll be right here by your side.”

Namjoo elbows you with a mischievous smile. “Just as we have always done. We pride yourselves as your protector.”

Your smile grows. “That’s a relief to hear.” You turn away from them, taking a step back to push back the fabric of your tent to take a step in. “It’s too late to back out anyways.”

“Too late for what, General?” Jisoo asks.

Your head turns to her and your smile doesn’t waver. “The letter has already been sent.”

“Your majesty,” the Vice Premier says. “What do you advise us to do now?”

The King sits at this throne, setting down the newly passed message from General (Y/L/N)—only to come in view with the court.

While he may not be downright angry, he is well aware of how the court may feel. He is also unsure of what will result in his best military general, especially since the war is not exactly over and done with—considering how King Wu may still hold resentments due to the aftermath.

He glances at the letter once again, feeling his head throb. Why did you have to choose now of all times?

Just moments ago, the second messenger from your troops arrived—announcing his arrival and reading the letter aloud for the rest of the court to hear. Upon the King’s request, he had left the letter to the King, still in shock with the present state of affairs.

General (Y/L/N) is a woman.

“Your majesty,” Official Chun says, stepping out from his spot.

“Accepted, proceed.”

“It is unacceptable for a woman to be of such a high position, nevertheless a man’s rightful position. I propose we remove and replace the General.”

Official Lee steps out. “Your majesty.”

“Accepted, proceed.”

“If I may remind some of us here that we are forever indebted to the General. We continue to be so, considering the current circumstances. While he—” He pauses, before correcting himself. “While she may be a woman, she is of the (Y/L/N) family. Not only have they been loyal to the throne, serving our country for many years, they have made many great sacrifices.”

“Your majesty,” Official Kwon says.

“Accepted, proceed.”

“Official Lee is correct. We cannot just remove the General.” He pauses, not before glancing at Official Chun and his followers. “The war might be over but we still have to be alert. Allowing her removal is the equivalent of death for our country.”

Sensing Chun’s anger from the indirect remarks, Official Mae steps out. “Your majesty.”

“Accepted, proceed.”

“General (Y/L/N) is a woman. A woman with too much power shall be the root our demise.” He glances at the other side, spotting those behind the Vice Premier. “She must be put into her place before she gets too ambitious.”

Official Song steps out. “Your majesty.”

“Accepted, proceed.”

“From what we are aware, the (Y/L/N) family does not have any male heirs. Considering the circumstances, we cannot afford to replace her when there are still repercussions of the war to be settled.”

“Your majesty,” Official Chun starts to say.

However, the King puts his hand up, pausing the conversation from continuing any further. He has already made his decision: you were to keep your position. Your accomplishments have stacked up, leaving the entire country indebted to you and your trained troops. Your reputation in the military is the most impressive—no one can be compared to you.

Although, it might be too unsettling for the officials for you to remain in your position. There must be some punishment—some kind of way to appease the court while you can still maintain your position, but not harsh enough for you to refute.

“General (Y/L/N) is to keep her position,” the King announces. He continues, shutting down any more possible verbal opposition. “Our country is indebted to the General. She has obtained previous territories that have been lost in previous battles and she has won countless wars, including the one we have just won. Replacing her would only lead to our doom and, even then, we have no suitable replacement.”

Official Jeong steps out. “Your majesty.”

“Accepted, proceed.”

“I believe that’s a wise decision, as expected from our King.” He swallows apprehensively. “However, we cannot leave her be. After all, she has deceived us—including you. What shall we do with her then?”

The officials murmur and whispers are passed around. Removal is too drastic for the King, therefore an execution is already off the table. No one seems to have any ideas of a possible punishment.

That is, anyone from the court.

While the officials scramble for an idea, the Empress’ eunuch, Eunuch Hak, shuffles himself from her side to the King’s throne.

There’s a hush that falls over the court officials.

“The Empress requests an audience,” Eunuch Hak whispers to the King.

“Accepted.”

From behind her golden curtain, the Empress lifts herself from her spot and gracefully walks towards the court. Her head is held high with elegance and her footsteps are light—almost as if she’s gliding. The officials bow their heads as she walks between them, no one daring to look up at her.

She stops in front of the throne, smiling as she looks up at the King.

“Mother,” he says. “How do you suppose we deal with this predicament?”

“I am proposing a marriage.”

The whispers start up again, unsure of what the Empress is trying to plan.

“Your highness,” Official Kwon says. “To whom do you think the General shall be married to?”

Her smile grows. “I believe that the second nephew is the most suitable candidate.”

“Second nephew?”

“She doesn’t mean—”

“The second prince?”

The King straightens in his seat, intrigued with the idea. “You are proposing a marriage between the most distinguished figure in Korea and Yoon Jeonghan?” He takes a small breath in, leaning back with a cocked eyebrow as he contemplates the idea.

Official Jeong speaks up once more. “Your highness, can you elaborate more as to how this is a suitable punishment?”

“If you ask me, it’s explanatory,” Official Chun mumbles under his breath.

Official Mae smirks at the comment, whispering back. “Prince Yoon is nothing more than a joke to the royal family.”

The Empress lets out a small sigh, proceeding to pretend as if she didn’t hear the rude comments about her grandson.

“It’s not about punishment.” she says. “It’s about balance.” Seeing the apprehensive look from the King, she continues. “Jeonghan is rather unorthodox. He spends much of his time dancing at the brothels and admiring artwork rather than martial arts or sports.”

There’s a murmur of agreement amongst the officials.

The Empress takes it as a sign to continue. “While he is a healthy man with three lovers, he is still uncommitted and unmarried. If the two were to be married, it can help solve the problems that are occurring for both parties.”

The King nods silently, but awaits for the court.

“Your majesty,” Official Kwon says.

“Accepted, proceed.”

“Her highness makes a good argument. I agree.” He thinks for a moment. “Not only would the General be married off to produce a male heir, but the rumors of Prince Yoon could also settle down once he’s married.”

“Your majesty,” Official Lee says.

“Accepted, proceed.”

“I agree with her highness and Official Kwon. This is more advantageous on our part,” he says. “I mean no offense when I say this, but Prince Yoon’s reputation is rather…” He pauses. “Unfavorable, at the moment. The General can help with that change and his with hers when the news spread in the villages.”

“Your majesty,” the Vice Premier says. “Shall we proceed with the marriage then?”

“Yes, we shall,” the King says with a nod. “From this day, we shall begin the wedding preparations. Once the General arrives back to the capital, Prince Yoon Jeonghan will become her husband.”

The Empress moves herself to the sidelines as the King stands up, causing the officials to stop in their spots and lower their heads once more. He steps down from his throne, starting his descent down the stairs and onto the path laid out for him.

The Vice Premier follows him from the right and his majesty’s eunuch, Eunuch Boo, follows him from the left—their conversation continuing in hushed tones.

The Empress leaves shortly after the King’s departure with Eunuch Hak on one side and Court Lady Nam on the other, leaving the officials with themselves.

“Court Lady Nam,” she says. “You shall inform Princess Consort Yoon.”

“Yes, your highness.”

She turns to her right. “Eunuch Hak.”

“Yes, your highness?”

“Begin the wedding preparations.”

A/N: As always, thanks for reading! Please don’t ask for updates. If you would like status updates, check out the upcoming post we have with upcoming works that will be posted!

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