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imgoingtocrash · 3 years

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Made of Iron, Born of Fire: The Fanmix

by @imgoingtocrash

Listen on Spotify and 8tracks

Read the series on Ao3

AKA: A labor of love for @savvysass’s birthday!!!!

What can I say that hasn’t already been said because we’re both incredibly sappy people in our Author’s Notes? Writing this series with you has brought me so much joy in the last two years, and I never could have hit over 100k words without you. Here’s to whatever we write next in the series...and all of the WIPs we’re working on right now...and only god knows what’s next for us personally and professionally...and most importantly, to you on your Birthday. Thank you for being such a good friend, in both fandom and outside of it. I’m so, so thankful to know you and love you. 🥰

Director’s Cut Below, because we all know I love talking about this series, and yes, that does extend to why I picked these songs. (And also maybe because these song choices only make sense in my brain and hopefully Savannah’s?? Who knows! Feel free to ask questions if you want but let’s be honest this series and fanmix are most importantly for us, because we love the series so dang much.)

My Wildest Dreams by Ron Pope

I spoke in riddles and in rhymes, but my time with you has taught me to simplify, you’re not quite what I pictured you would be, you’re better than my wildest dreams.

We’ve talked about this one before, and I’LL TALK ABOUT IT AGAIN!!!! Ron Pope is so good imo, and this song wowowow the father-child feels, but especially with Tony and newborn Peter a la A Foreign Feeling and A First Time For Everything.

Big & Scared by Raleigh Ritchie

I want to be better for you, let me do that now, you’re my favorite human, so you should be prepared, I’ll help you get through it, when you’re big and scared

We’ve mentioned Tony’s thoughts about legacy multiple times by now, and I think this song really represents Tony looking forward to the person Peter could be become and that “breaking the cycle” mentality of supporting Peter even when he’s not a perfect father.

Legacy of Sadness by Ron Pope

irrational as it may seem I guess I’m sorry, even though I know that none of it’s my fault, it is easier for me to count my blessings, than to cry for every single thing we’ve lost

I have 0 shame putting these two songs by Ron Pope almost back to back because they’re the opening and closing of an album dedicated to his child like...it’s so perfect for Tony and this theme of reflection on who he is and who Peter will become/is becoming and all that entails.

this is me trying by Taylor Swift

They told me all of my cages were mental, so I got wasted like all my potential, and my words shoot to kill when I'm mad, I have a lot of regrets about that

I wrote something...very sad but also soft recently??? and this is for That it’s about pre-CW Pepperony being separated and the road to them trying to come back together including Tony working on himself and I love it!!! It hurts really good!!! This whole song is perfect for it and I can’t wait until people get to read it.

Be Good When I’m Gone by Four Year Strong

I'm sorry I can't stop to listen, but I've got so much to do and I've got some place to be, the house looks like the aftermath of a hurricane, I hope it stays that way

Tony being a busy parent but doing his best to make time for Peter in his life and making that time count has been something super important to illustrate to us, especially the transition from being a CEO to being a superhero and how that changes how Peter sees Tony’s absence over time.

I Won’t Back Down by Johnnyswim, Drew Holcomb & The Neighbors, and Penny and Sparrow

Tony puts on the original version by Tom Petty in Home Is Where The Heart Is, but I think this cover has a very slow, emotional undertone that’s really great too. The interludes, if you didn’t catch it, have all been featured in a fic previously.

Let It Matter by Johnnyswim

So if it matters let it matter, if your heart's breaking let it ache, catch those pieces as they scatter, know your hurt is not in vain

Pepper in Never Tell Me The Odds ALL DAYYYYY. She’s the emotional rock of that fic (and of our Ironfam TBH) and it’s all because she allows herself to feel her feelings and encourages the Stark boys to do so as well.

Simmer - Acoustic by Hayley Williams

And if my child, needed protection, from a fucker like that man, I’d sooner gut him, cause nothing cuts like a mother

Post-Home Is Where The Heart Is...y’all know Pepper’s not that mad about what happened to Obie. Also just Pepper when someone hurts her family?? I always write it as her sort of putting all of her emotion into something she can control and doing it well, so, this song is all about that.

Tightrope by Nia Hendricks

one step after another, keep holding on to each other, don’t look back, move on and let go, that’s how you walk on a tightrope

Pepperony trying to navigate their relationship and the insanity of superhero stuff and also co-parenting. It’s all excellent, I love them so much, I enjoy writing it so much!!!!

Dancing With Your Ghost by Sasha Sloan

Never got the chance, to say a last goodbye, I gotta move on, but it hurts to try, how do I love, how do I love again?

This song is tilted towards romance, but if you’ll remember, we’re a Pro-Tony Survives Endgame AU series, so it’s not about THAT...but well...Infinity War sure will hit something fierce for certain non-romantic relationships in this series, huh?

The Bones by Maren Morris

Call it dumb luck, but baby, you and I, can't even mess it up, although we both try, no, it don't always go the way we planned it, but the wolves came and went and we're still standing

Post-Endgame Ironfam!!! Tony and Pepper married with their kids, their family and HAPPY...THIS IS WHY WE DO ALL OF THE ANGST...FOR A FAMILY...WE LOVE THEM

Carry on Wayward Son by Kansas

Considered Pepper and Peter’s ‘song’, as it’s referenced multiple times in the series, and was one of the bigger solidifying moments of their mother-son relationship as a whole.

Mundane by Hardcastle

And I’ve been sinking into silence, dwelling on my thoughts, and in these months, I haven’t felt that most conversations have left me anything but blue

Peter’s selective mutism was something very special to us when we originally had the idea, and making sure we talk about it and utilize it in the right way is something we’re still working on, particularly with the Therapy Fic we’re brainstorming atm.

survivin’ (One Eyed Jack’s Session) by Bastille

What can I say? I'm survivin', crawling out these sheets to see another day, what can I say? I'm survivin', and I'm gonna be fine, I'm gonna be fine, I think I'll be fine

Spoiler Alert: Peter’s not fine, like, a decent amount of the time. But he’s sure trying, and we love him for that.

Jacob from the Bible by Jake Wesley Rogers

Mama, don't worry, it took me years, to say I'm sorry, to see your tears, Mama, forgive me, I grew up too fast, but it's not on you, it's in the past

Mostly part of Peter growing up to become a hero and realizing what his parents--particularly Pepper--have gone through for him to become the person he is today, but that sometimes he still doesn’t feel like he’s making them proud enough.

Compassion Is a German Word by To Kill A King

Don't be so arrogant, you ain't no different to anyone I've met, we're all the heroes in our own film, or maybe the villain in someone else's

Spider-Man being an excellent superhero boi!!! Being kind and good!!! We love it!! Also, I put a TKAK song on...a LOT of my playlists, because I think they’re great.

brutal by Olivia Rodrigo

And I'm so sick of seventeen, where's my fucking teenage dream?, if someone tells me one more time, "Enjoy your youth", I'm gonna cry

I mean...this song is such a Teenage Mood...I had to do it...

In The Wee Small Hours Of The Morning by Frank Sinatra

So, I had this cute little scene in my head that went with this song for SO LONG but there wasn’t really anything for it to fit into so...yeah that’s part 2 of Savannah’s Birthday Gift, a little soft Baby Peter drabble. Fluffy Goop from top to bottom. That can be read here.

Home by Phillip Phillips

Just know you're not alone, 'Cause I'm gonna make this place your home

...I know it’s not original, okay? It’s found family, it’s great, I don’t care!

Comes and Goes (In Waves) by Greg Laswell

And this part was for her, and this part was for her, this part was for her, does she remember?

This song is good family angst in general BUT these specific lyrics made me think of Mary and that they never forget her in their lives despite the other stuff going on (because we refuse to let them).

I Have Made Mistakes by The Oh Hellos

I have made mistakes, I continue to make them, the promises I've made, I continue to break them, and all the doubts I've faced, I continue to face them, but nothing is a waste if you learn from it

No one in the Ironfam is perfect, but they all do their best to try and grow even when they’re scared they’ll never be able to. The ups and downs are all par for the course of this series to us.

Easy Days - Demo by Bastille

Cause I don’t wanna fall back again, back into the easy days, everything was so simple then, little fires burned away

Strife is a part of life, and the family in this fic growing through their loss and struggles and moving ahead as a unit to get to a better place is super central to making the fic what it is...but it’s easy for them to remember the old days before being superheroes and wishing it was simple again.

North by Sleeping At Last

Let the years we’re here be kind, be kind, let our hearts like doors open wide, open wide, settle our bones like wood over time, over time, give us bread, give us salt, give us wine

The way Tony went from feeling so alone to having an entire built family that’s so full of love and everything he never dreamed of...*screams into my pillow* I love this series so much thank you and good night!!!

#made of iron born of fire #irondad #ironfam #fanmix #savvysass #this series just makes me burst with content i can't describe it #also doing the graphics was a fun experiment!!!#mine #mine: marvel

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keep-ur-head-low · 3 years

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I just watched an early In The Heights screening! Here’s an in-depth, mostly non-spoilery review for anyone interested

To sum it all up: I have a feeling this movie will be divisive among fans but in my personal opinion, this film is absolutely gorgeous and one of my new favorite movies. It captures the spirit of the original production perfectly while also being a COMPLETELY different beast. I’ll split my thoughts up into 4 sections: Story, Cast, Music, and Visuals. I will avoid spoilers as much as possible simply because this really is something that should be watched fairly blind.

Story: The way they tell the story here is SO different from the original musical that I’d go as far as to say that it’s more a remake than an adaptation. Entire plot lines are removed, characters have different motivations for certain actions, and specific plot points are sorta shuffled around. But in the end, a lot of the changes were needed to shift from stage to film. By far my favorite change was the ending: I personally always thought the original ending felt rushed and abrupt, but they really take their time here and everything feels so much more cohesive while still maintaining the old ending’s infectious joy and message. I’m certain that there will be people who will just hate this movie because so much has been altered and that’s perfectly fine as long as you don’t expect it to be a copy of the original musical.

Cast: Everyone is well cast here. I’m so insanely glad Jon M Chu prioritized talent over famous names, because the actors really shined in their roles. I loved everyone but specific highlights were totally Anthony Ramos as Usnavi, Olga Merediz as Abuela (of course), and Daphne Rubin-Vega as Daniela. Corey Hawkins‘ Benny and Leslie Grace’s Nina had really good chemistry as well. The one person I admittedly wasn’t a super huge fan of was Melissa Barrera as Vanessa just because she never seemed to have that much energy, but I‘m sure I’ll warm up to her when I watch the film again. Also a Hadestown actor has a tiny role here and and I may have squealed

Music: Don’t watch the movie thinking two or three songs have been cut, because I can assure you the number is bigger than that. However, I think some of us forget just how music heavy the original production was, and there are still a TON of songs in this movie that I think any more would have caused casual audiences to be taken off-guard by the sheer amount of singing. It is also worth mentioning that the song order has been heavily changed to fit the movie’s new plot structure, so don’t panic right away if a song appears to be missing cuz it might just appear later. There is one song in particular that has been HEAVILY altered and I KNOW that people will be mad at the new version, but there’s a little twist added to the moment that just completely recontextalizes everything and I believe that it more than makes up for the somewhat disappointing lyric changes.

Visuals: Damn Jon. You really outdid yourself here. The film has SUCH a distinct visual style and it is not afraid to be straight up cheesy or weird. Amidst all the cool camera work, fantastical cgi, and gorgeous shots, I couldn’t have asked for a better way to adapt these songs. There are three songs in particular that I cannot wait to watch again:

- When You’re Home: the choreography is insanely cute and fun

- Paciencia Y Fe: my god this was stunning

- Champagne: this was the most mundane song in the entire film but it utilizes a neat camera technique that made it really stand out.

Was the movie perfect? No, there were definitely flaws here and there. Three that stuck out to me were the obvious voice-overs in some songs, weird cuts to the Rosario storyline, and the fact that Daniela and Carla’s interactions were safe enough that you could easily mistake them as really close friends rather than in an explicit lesbian relationship like Lin said they’d be. The most they ever did was slow dance together, so that kinda annoyed me. But for the most part, I felt this movie was just incredible and completely worth the wait, and I am incredibly eager to see all y’all’s reactions when it official comes out. Feel free to ask further questions, though I’ll definitely be avoiding spoilery talk.

#in the heights #in the heights spoilers #ith spoilers #ith movie spoilers #kinda #my post

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windandwater · 3 years

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so I started adderall and hoo boy. lemme tell you. what a wild feeling, in so many ways, but especially right now where I’m like “I’m not doing anything shouldn’t I be panicking” and my brain is like “no. you have a lot to do. but you’ve also been working really hard. so it’s okay to take a break for a few minutes” and I BELIEVE MYSELF??

WOW

anyway here’s some stuff under the cut about it because I can’t believe how well this is working out.

background: I’m hypoglycemic. one big reason I decided to do this was, I was having this issue where I get depressed if I don’t eat sugar. I was eating sugar to feel joy. I am at risk for diabetes but even if I wasn’t this is not...great. I’ve always had to watch my blood sugar and I’ve always been careful about what I eat but in recent years, the amount of actual dessert/candy I eat has gotten mildly out of control and my doctors have told me to watch my sugar and I just...wasn’t able to.

one of my coworkers who is also not-neurotypical and as such knows her shit, told me that this whole “sugar to feel joy” thing is an ADHD symptom. I knew I had ADHD (I’d been diagnosed in high school) but wasn’t being treated for it, but had never been told this was a symptom, and at that point I was like, you know what, fuck this, I can’t get my health under control on my own if I’m not being treated for my mental health as well. I’m talking to my psychiatrist about this.

so I did. enter adderall. and now I wanna talk about it because it’s been FASCINATING and I am all about brain medication when you need it. so here goes!

also I live-tweeted my first 24 hours on adderall because it was SO WILD and I’m so glad I did even though I have three (3) followers, more on that in a minute

(me: I can’t tell if it’s working, it’s supposed to kick in in 30 minutes but--wait I think my brain just went bOOP

coworker: is bOOP good?

me: it’s WEIRD)

the good

Y’ALL THE SUGAR THING WORKED IMMEDIATELY. oh my god I was stunned. absolutely stunned. I still absolutely have a sweet tooth and enjoy eating sweets but I can eat a normal amount, at normal times, and not because I need to feel something. it’s because I want to eat something sweet. I can’t believe in 24 hours I went from complete inability to control myself to just...not having to. brains!! who knew!!!

I focused on an entire conversation the entire time. the entire time. I was even very stressed because my blood sugar was low and I needed to eat, but I was able to put that aside because I knew I could deal with it when the conversation was over! WHAT THE HELL!

since then it hasn’t been that easy because conversations are, quite frankly, often very boring, especially for work. but it’s easier to focus when I need to, and not zone out halfway through or have to do something else in order to focus. or start stressing/thinking about other shit that doesn’t matter. I can listen to what people are saying!!! for an hour! it’s crazy!!!

I wasn’t tired all day! this is also part of the bad. you’ll see.

I feel more in control of my days now, and less like time is speeding by at a rate I don’t and can’t comprehend. I’ve gotten fairly good at planning out and prioritizing my time anyway, but now it’s like...better. and easier.

executive function is online, and as I alluded to, no more self-guilt-tripping if it takes me a minute to get to things. they’ll still get done! it’s okay! if I don’t do something right away I will still do the thing! I have years of experience parceling tasks into small pieces so I do them, but less so with not still getting on my own case about not doing them right away.

if I don’t have music or a podcast playing at all times, I can still focus on work. it’s still pretty nice, it’s just not absolutely necessary. this is throwing me off hardcore but it’s kind of nice to be able to be in silence occasionally.

I can still multitask but if I’m NOT multitasking I don’t feel like I’m going insane, and also, I don’t feel like my brain is hanging by a thread at all times that might break and cause everything to explode.

a tweet I made: “I was researching something and when I got frustrated I kept at it and didn't have to go take a break to do something equally frustrating and pinball back and forth between them until they both got done. I might have just been weaponized? “

it’s true. researching/looking stuff up is one of my skillsets and...I’ve been weaponized.

the bad

my appetite is allll fucked up. we’re adjusting the type of medication I’m on to try and mitigate this but wow it’s an appetite suppressant and wow that’s not okay when you’re hypoglycemic and have to keep your blood sugar up.

my sleep is also fucked up. anxiety keeps me from falling asleep and I’d gotten to a good place re: falling asleep at night. however I was also in a very bad place re: sleeping constantly (sleep apnea? quarantine depression? who knows!). but waking up constantly during the night ain’t the solution, chief. so we’re also adjusting to see if we can do something about that.

regarding that: the first night, I literally just did not get tired. it was very upsetting. if I hadn’t tweeted about it I would’ve had an out and out panic attack, but one of my friends talked me off the ledge, telling me she had the same experience when she first went on it. I was not warned and I wish I had been. I was still able to sleep (she wasn’t, when it happened to her) but hoo boy. no thank you.

pharmacies like to babysit you when you’re on controlled substances. ugh.

more shit to keep track of. ughhhhhhhhhhhh

unfortunately, I had a hard time finding mainstream resources for this stuff online. I’ve read a lot from tumblr and heard from other people’s experiences, but when I went looking for, say, information on adderall & sleep...a lot of it is related to addiction. I had a similar problem with ADHD & sleep: I wanted to know more about whether ADHD can make you really tired like I was, or whether it was just an insomnia type of thing, and there just wasn’t a lot out there. this isn’t really a problem with the drug, but like...it’s a pain when you really want to learn more about something, aren’t in a place to talk to your doctor yet, and are just left to the wind with the mainstream internet assuming you’re abusing a substance.

definitely also felt like I had to lay the groundwork with my doctor...I had been planning to talk to her about this for a while, so I mentioned my ADHD diagnosis early on so I could bring it up at some point and not just out of the blue ask her for meth. this stuff is hard.

(not making a statement of any kind of recreational drug use/addiction, just...I hate the US medical system. a lot. everybody loses.)

so that’s how it’s going! sorry for the long post, but I did want to document this somewhere besides twitter, and maybe some of y’all are interested.

oh also, my other favorite thing that happened is my doctor said to try to keep track of when I take the medication and it wears off, and I literally told her that that would also be a good marker of whether or not it’s doing its job, because in my natural state I literally cannot remember to do that, with anything, ever. and I did! I managed! WILD

anyway end the stigma. ♥️

#adventures in text posts #adhd blogging #mental health

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taetaespeaches · 3 years

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favorite albums of twenty-twenty:

I’m indecisive, so disclaimer lol. But I wanted to be self-indulgent for a moment and share my very favorite albums of 2020. In a year where I felt both alone and lonely, music was massively important to me. I tried to limit this to my top ten but I’m too indecisive and a lot of amazing music came out this year so there’s eighteen albums lol. Why not. So yeah, enjoy or ignore, I just had the urge to do this. (This isn’t in order except BE, D-2, Maria, and Map of the Soul: 7 are all definitely in the top five.)

Also, if you see this and want to do your own, tag me! I’d love to see your top albums <3

↬ BE — BTS

⟶ Top tracks: Telepathy, Blue & Grey, Fly To My Room, Disease, Life Goes On

I mean come on. This was the pandemic album we all needed and I will forever be grateful for this masterpiece. I think this is an album that will grow with me and will kind of act as a companion throughout my life. The musicality, the lyrics, the variety, all of it, it’s just perfection. It feels like a friend who gives you comfort but also makes you confront your emotions, and that was everything I needed this year. I will forever be obsessed with this one. BE is my friend.

↬ D-2 — Agust D

⟶ Top Tracks: People, Moonlight, Daechwita, What do you think?, Dear my friend

Agust D came back and he fucking owned it. The amount of pure talent and passion in this mixtape is un-fucking-real. Yoongi is just unbelievably talented and this album perfectly displays that. Plus, these songs have been my ride or die since May, like, there isn’t a week that goes by that I don’t listen to this album in full at least once. Just incredible.

↬ María — Hwasa

⟶ Top Tracks: LMM, Maria, Intro: Nobody Else, WHY, I’m bad too

This album is so connected to my fucking soul. I swear, Ahn Hyejin and I’s emotions are so similar and the way we process them is soooo similar, this album just honestly means the world to me. Plus, it’s amazing. Every song is a masterpiece. Obsessed. Much like D-2, I listen to this album at least once a week. And the number of times I have cried listening to it is unreal. Intro: Nobody Else is very much how I felt this year and LMM has made me cry more times than I care to admit. This album makes me feel what I’m feeling, gives me comfort, and helps me pick myself back up again. Another one that will grow with me. This year through the loneliness and in times that I felt I had no one, this was my companion.

↬ MAP OF THE SOUL: 7 — BTS

⟶ Top tracks: Black Swan, Interlude : Shadow, My Time, ON, Friends, Moon, We are Bulletproof: the Eternal, Outro : Ego

Come onnnnnn. Perfection!!!! Quite literally the album that has been there with me through every step of this pandemic. I still cry watching the Ego mv. Why? No clue, just makes me sob tears of happiness. Black Swan? Possibly one of my very favorite songs EVER. OF ALL TIME. My Time? Relatable as fuck. Friends? The cutest thing I’ve ever heard. Moon? I’m sobbing again, that’s my emotional support Seokjinnie. Just, the album is a goddamn masterpiece, I don’t care who disagrees, my opinion is fact on this one.

↬ love is not dying — Jeremy Zucker

⟶ Top tracks: full stop, oh, mexico, hell or flying, lakehouse

Jeremy is another one that I just feel emotionally related too. Like I just get what he says and means and it hits me right in the heart and mind and gut. Another companion album. I think full stop is one of the most relatable songs I’ve ever heard- lyrically and the way it builds and becomes a bit chaotic… like whoah. I feel that in my chest. Also, oh, mexico is another song I related to so hard this year. This album has just made a massive impact on me and I love it.

↬ folklore — Taylor Swift

⟶ Top tracks: seven, peace, the lakes, the 1

So Taylor surprised everyone with an album. What the fuck, ma’am? This is my second favorite Taylor album to date, second to only her second surprise album of the year. Like what? I’ve cried listening to this album and absolutely sobbed listening to seven. She just really popped off with this one and I don’t think I need to explain to you all why this album is so good. If you’ve heard it, you know.

↬ evermore — Taylor Swift

⟶ Top tracks: ivy, cowboy like me, long story short, coney island, gold rush

Oh here we have another surprise album, and now my favorite album by Taylor. I think this album perfectly displays Taylor’s insane lyricism better than any of her works. This album just hit really different for me, every song was my favorite on first listen and I still have the hardest time picking favorite tracks. It’s just beautiful and it’s great and I love it a lot.

↬ SAWAYAMA — Rina Sawayama

⟶ Top tracks: Fuck This World (Interlude), Tokyo Love Hotel, Bad Friend, Comme Des Garçons (Like The Boys)

Have you heard it? If so, you know why it’s on this list. Pop perfection. Rina is a goddess. That’s that. It’s just amazing. Rina is a visionary and this album displays that perfectly. Comme Des Garçons was the first song of hers I ever heard and I was immediately obsessed. Next level, this woman. A queen.

↬ Petals For Armor — Hayley Williams

⟶ Top tracks: Crystal Clear, Why We Ever, Over Yet

Wow. Just, bless Hayley for this. Crystal Clear has quickly become one of my very favorite songs ever and Why We Ever is a little too relatable. And I distinctly remember hearing Over Yet for the first time in May and feeling joy for the first time since the pandemic started. This album is one to listen to when you’re mad, sad, when you need comfort, or when you’re ready to heal. Honestly, another companion.

↬ Nectar — Joji

⟶ Top tracks: Like You Do, Your Man, Sanctuary, MODUS, Run, Mr. Hollywood

I could honestly list nearly every song on this as a top song. Holy shit. Joji is another visionary. He’s insane and I’m obsessed with this album. I swear, every time I listen a new song jumps out as a favorite. Like You Do is a song that just means so much to me. A masterpiece. This album is my go to when I’m looking to get into my feels. Also Daylight isn’t listed in the top tracks but what a fucking bop. I’m just in love with this album. For real, obsessed.

↬ Plastic Hearts — Miley Cyrus

⟶ Top tracks: Angels Like You, High, WTF Do I Know, Midnight Sky, Never Be Me, Plastic Hearts

I’ve never been like an avid listener of Miley, just a few tracks, but this year I got more into her. And this album, goddamn. Every song is a contender for top track. How does that happen? Midnight Sky? Huge for me this year. Like I cannot tell you how massive of an impact this song made on me. Angels Like You is such a perfect song. High is a little too relatable. Just seriously, wow. Kind of speechless, I just adore this album.

↬ Positions — Ariana Grande

⟶ Top tracks: pov, obvious, 34+35

The way I cried my first time hearing pov. Ari what are you doing to me? That song is just such a beautiful way to look at love and this whole album is just so healing. A happy spot on this whole year. 34+35 is a thot anthem and I’m obsessed. This album is just another example of Ariana’s talent and we were all blessed to be able to hear it.

↬ CALM — 5 Seconds of Summer

⟶ Top tracks: Wildflower, Lover of Mine, Best Years, Teeth, High

I don’t care if y’all think it’s cool to like 5sos or not, this album is so fucking good. It far exceeded my expectations. Some of these songs are some of my favorites for the year. Wildflower is a fucking happy pill and Best Years makes me fucking cry. High is too relatable, and Teeth may as well have been written about me. And Lover of Mine perfectly relates to the most important relationship of my entire life. I’m gonna say it, Luke Hemmings is such an underappreciated lyricist. The man is good. I love this album a lot.

↬ Manic — Halsey

⟶ Top tracks: Finally // beautiful stranger, SUGA’s Interlude, Forever … (is a long time), 3am

I never really listen to Halsey so it took me a long time to give this album a try and wow I’m so glad I finally did. It became an instant fav. Honesty, anything Yoongi touches is a favorite for me so obviously that song would be in my tops, but Forever … (is a long time) is so relatable and just so fucking good. And Finally // beautiful stranger is honestly my favorite Halsey song ever. It’s stunning. This album is amazing. Period.

↬ Future Nostalgia — Dua Lipa

⟶ Top tracks: Pretty Please, Cool, Don’t Start Now

This album is just disco pop perfection and I’ve been obsessed all year. It’s the perfect album to listen to when you just wanna fucking dance and forget about all the shit that 2020 gave us. The perfect escape and it’s so so fun and the songs are just bops. I’ve probably listened to this album a hundred times because it’s just the perfect escape. If I wanna let go for a bit, this is my go to.

↬ Punisher — Phoebe Bridgers

⟶ Top tracks: I Know The End, Chinese Satellite, Garden Song

This album makes me feel some shit. Like holy hell we are in our feels. Phoebe’s songwriting is superb and these songs just hit. I honestly only listen to this album when I really need to get in touch with myself because it literally doesn’t allow me to avoid my feelings. But it’s pretty much perfection and I think it’s going to grow with me throughout the years. I just love it. I remember being blown away on my first listen, it’s just unbelievably good.

↬ Ungodly Hour — Chloe and Halle

⟶ Top tracks: Tipsy, Baby girl, Ungodly Hour

I don’t even know how to explain how good this album is. Like, have you heard it? You get it. These girls went the fuck off and all we can do is thank them for it. Thank you for your service ladies. This album is just a vibe from start to finish. And Ungodly Hour is one of the best title tracks of the year. That’s just that on that. Give them all the awards.

↬ IS ANYBODY OUT THERE? — DPR LIVE

⟶ Top tracks: OH GIRL, NO RESCUE NEEDED, KISS ME

This album isn’t just an album, it’s an experience. This man takes you on a musical journey. It’s a story. It’s flawless. I adore it. DPR LIVE is so underrated and I can’t wait for him to get the hype he deserves. This was the most surprising find this year and I’m so thankful I found it. Just so god. From start to finish, you just get sucked in and then it ends and you’re just left like, whoah. Amazing.

#ayyyy i can't sleep so i thought i'd post this since it's been in my drafts for a couple days #bc why not i guess #bullshitting with liv #you could say music was a lifeline more than usual this year #thankful to all the amazing artists who put out music this year #we all needed it #top albums of 2020

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spinnenpfote6 · 3 years

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Hey guys, I just wanted to ask if there are some of my mutuals who suffer from a phobia of germs and dirt as well.

I definitely have one though it hasn’t been properly diagnosed yet. I mean, I have developed weird cleaning rituals, thought processes and I’ve been in multiple fights with my parents because I keep using up our medical disinfectants which I know are necessary - but I can’t stop. I don’t want my mom to hug or kiss or even touch me anymore, solely for the reason that I think of every person as “unclean”, wash my hands a million times a day until they bleed and keep wiping everything clean with disinfectant-soaked baby wipes. Nobody is allowed to touch my belongings or bed or even me without my permission and everything that hasn’t been washed or disinfected is “contaminated”. I love my plushies and big action figures but I keep them in my closet in fear of getting them “dirty” so they don’t really bring me joy anymore. I don’t touch doorknobs or lightswitches without a small piece of napkin anymore. And finally, the most ridiculous thing of all: I can’t even slightly bump against a doorframe without feeling the urge to clean my shoulder afterwards. And this is just the tip of the iceberg.

I’m literally like that overly clean person comedies make fun of. I know I must sound like an absolute nutcase to you while you’re reading this and reading this myself - I can’t blame you. If I saw a person acting like me on TV, I’d laugh about them.

This whole problem started about 6 years ago and built up veeeery slowly. I can’t quite remember but I think it started out with me thinking about wanting stuff to be “cleaner” and only putting on freshly washed clothes. We were always a tiny bit “cleaner” of a family because of my illness, but only to a rather insignificant amount. To be honest, I can’t even for the love of me connect my old mindset to my new mindset. Why wasn’t I grossed out by this stuff back then? How was my thought process different? But honestly, it literally feels like someone pulled a switch in my brain between for and after I was about 14 years old. So I can’t put my finger on what went wrong in my head during that time. Now I’m just so insanely grossed out by so much stuff that I feel like I’m going insane if I don’t “clean” them. No one understands my “confusing procedures”, as my mother put it, but they seem perfectly calculated and reasonable to me. In contrast to other germaphobes though, I never have the urge to clean myself too long to get rid of all the germs, like washing hands for 10 minutes or something. I just need a short wash and everything is fine, but I need it.

Now, with these mental problems I have noticed certain rocky relationship days with my parents (they are surprisingly understanding but also think that it’s unhealthy behaviour and that I’m overreacting and just stop - you must know that we are very close) and that I frequently have extremly depressive episodes for a few hours which keep coming back very quickly almost every day. It’s all definitely causing me quite a lot of distress sometimes: I think of preparing “cleaning routines” quite a lot over the day. There was one day - well over a year ago - where we were running out of disinfectant where I was literally awake for hours at night, heart racing, shaking and crying while trying to think of a way to get new bottles without my parents noticing.

The worst thing is that due to everything seeming “contaminated” I don’t have such a good relationship with my pets as I wish I had. I don’t want my cats - Waylon and Ygor - to touch me at all. There was one time where I almost kicked Waylon away in a sudden fit of disgust and anger because he touched my leg. What’s even worse are those extremely aggressive thoughts I sometimes have against my pets when stuff like this happens. I literally thought about grabbing my cat and kicking harshly him or choking him or breaking his neck or something like that - just for a second. And honestly, I was horrified and ashamed by having these thoughts. It’s not the first time either, I know I have the same kind of bad thoughts after a failure of mine with mostly a fight attached and realizing this genuinely made me believe that my mental illness is turning me into a monster, despite having never laid a finger on one of my pets. I don’t think I’ve ever properly talked about this with anyone except maybe my mother but I was too ashamed of telling her the whole thing. After having done some research I now know that apparantly, my mind is using violent fantasies to cope because it doesn’t know how to handle distress and intense negative feelings overall.

Now, of course I want to get this problem treated as soon as possible. I’ve tried in the past (i.e. last year) but my therapist was - despite being nice - still very young and seemingly unprepared/unsure/insecure and paired by the fact that I didn’t want to have a group appointment discussing my feelings and behaviour with my parents immidiately, she basically told me that she couldn’t treat me because I “didn’t cooperate” and “didn’t suffer enough” from this germaphobia. Oh well. She didn’t say it in a mean way, but I was a quite disappointed for sure. Then the pandemic started and I had to stop therapy all together anyway. Since my chronic illness is causing the virus to be extremely dangerous to me, I haven’t been able to start a therapy yet, but I’ve been searching for good therapists and reading about my symptoms, hoping that the pandemic will eventually come to an end and I’ll get a good vaccine soon. I’ve tried to stop or tone my behaviour down a few times over the years but I always end up falling back after a while, despite it somehow working. To be honest, I’m very scared of a full therapy but I know that without therapy, this phobia will keep dragging me down. Even if my family thinks that it’s “not so bad” and “just a phase”.

Stuff like this is also why I hearing rumors that Adam Driver might have anxiety comforted me in a weird way. Of course I want him to be well, but thinking that this guy whom I love for his performance as Kylo Ren, a famous Hollywood actor, is a normal dude who might have seemingly “dumb” symptoms of mental health issues as well which are making his life more difficult - just like mine - is kinda comforting. Like I’m not alone with this. You know what I mean?

I’m sharing this story because I wanna know if there are people with similar feelings and/or experiences to connect with them and to spread some awareness. Maybe some of you know coping mechanisms or first steps for a sort of self-therapy? If I’m able to help just one other person with sharing this, that they are not alone or that others have weird mental health problems too, it would already be awesome enough.

Thanks for taking the time to read about my experiences!

I love y’all!

Shiny over and out

(Btw sorry for mistakes - I’m German and it’s already 3 a.m. and writing this made me cry at times since this is a very difficult topic for me. But I had to get this off my chest so badly)

#my thoughts #personal problems #mental health #mental illness #germaphobe #germaphobia

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colorseeingchick · 4 years

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Someone say SIKE RN I-

WE HIT 100 FOLLOWERS AHHHHHHHHHH

Ok y’all already know its about to get reflective for no reason but bare with me. If you don’t wanna read the sappy stuff I understand, so just be ready for an Event announcement later today or tomorrow.

First off, I’ve realized I never really introduced myself so let’s do that briefly. Hello! My name is En, and I’m 19.

I started this blog because I’ve loved writing for a very long time, but I struggled a lot with story telling (I’m actually a poet more than anything else). But writing has always brought me so much joy and happiness in my dark and troubled times, and I just want to share that happiness with other people as well. So I thought, why not? Let’s see what happens.

Best choice I’ve made in a while honestly.

I want to start off by thanking you guys. You all probably follow me just for the fics, but I really do appreciate all of you. If you guys want to be friends or moots, please just tell me! I’m more than happy to get to know any of you, or support you in any way I can. I like to think I’m a fun person :D so we will have good times hehe.

I’ve already made a few amazing friends on here, and they’ve made my life so much better. So its appreciation time LOL

@kirislut : Meg’s my first friend on here, and single handedly made making a tumblr so worth it. I still remember the fun and goofy conversation we had our first time talking. Meg’s so easy to talk to, writes really fun and feel-good stories, and has been very supportive of me whenever I need it. It was for those reasons she also acted as my inspiration to start writing on here in the first place. I have so much love and admiration for ya, Meg. You’re the best 💕

@katsushimaa : Yssa was my first mutual! And also my first follower LMAO. She followed me and I just sat there like :O. But Yssa, since when I found her blog, has always been a ray of sunshine. The amount of constant positivity she puts out is so captivating, and it comes through in how receptive her friends are to it. Yssa is a living example of “what you give is what you get.” Any time I talk to you, Yssa, I feel so much happier. Mahal kita, Yssa ❤

@sasukelore : Freya is simultaneously the baddest bitch and the biggest troll I know on this app (I have not forgotten the Salad Fingers fanfic, babe. It still haunts me at night). In all seriousness, Freya is one of the realest people I know. When it comes to real world shit, she’s got my back. She’s so strong and has strength I do not, its so admirable. Not to mention, her fics are 👀🔥 yk what I’m saying LMAO. Freya I love you sm BB 😘

@animatedarchives : I have not been friends with Soph for long, but she’s always been super kind to me. From our first interaction, to like, literally yesterday, I’ve made some DUMB mistakes in front of Soph. But she never ridicules me for it. She’s very good about making a safe space, and is super receptive to the emotions and behaviors of the people around her. Its a superpower, I’m telling ya. Send me more food pics, okay Soph? Love ya 🥰

I’m so thankful for all these wonderful people. And if you don’t follow them already, you should check out their blogs (they’re all INSANELY talented way better than me). I’m so happy they’ve been by my side for this journey so far.

I hope you all will stick around as this journey keeps going! As I grow as a person and as a writer, and make some friends along the way. Thank you, lovelies.

#colorseeingchick milestone #CSC@100 #into the void

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essaysbyciara · 4 years

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Old Habits Die Hard| Part Six: Just & Righteous

Warnings: Languages, brief mention of police brutality, lightweight mentions of sexual situations

Almost at the end of this thing, whew. As always, you can read on Wattpad as well. Thank youuuuuuuu for the likes, reblogs, comments and commentary. Y’all bring so much joy. Peace & love.

JUST & RIGHTEOUS

It seemed as if history repeated itself. Minutes, hours, day, weeks, even months passed without hearing a word from Dave. He sent no DMs and leveled no texts your way. He left the text message containing your phone number on read and left you feeling waves similar to what you felt last summer.

But it was the sweetest dismissal you ever could receive. Truth be told, you didn’t need to hear from Dave at all. The fact that you sent him your number as you sat in the passenger seat of Yahya’s car was the lowest of low. Yahya was nothing but great to you. He didn’t deserve your betrayal. You were happy that the Universe conceded on his behalf -- and blocked yours.

As the months eclipsed between that unfortunate reunion with Dave and the date of your wedding, you tried your best to hide the glow of the what-if’s involving Dave. How would you even pull this off if Dave did reach out to you? You felt bad for imagining the many ways to do just that.

Your reality inched closer and closer to you as the day of your wedding dress fitting approached. As you sit in your mother’s living room the day before the fitting, you look over at a framed photograph of your parent from their wedding day. Your mother, Jackie, saved her billowy couture gown with the miles-long train just for you. Thankfully you were a bit too thick in the hips to fit into that 1980s extravaganza of a dress.

It took your father’s passing for you and your mother to become close. You were a Daddy’s girl through and through and as much as Jackie didn’t want to feel bothered by your daughterly allegiance, she felt hurt by it. You would beg to stay at your Aunt Jerri’s cramped rowhouse every summer even when your Mom’s side of the family had the house not too far away with the extra bedrooms and the basketball court. You’d rebuff your Mom’s invitations to sorority events and balls to watch college football with your Dad. You even pledged her rival sorority.

It was as if you were doing everything in your power to spite her.

The truth wasn’t that. To you, Jackie was regal. She was the epitome of a queen. You always admired the way your Dad would stop everything to take a look at her, his attention so rapt that you had to nudge him back to reality. No hair was out of place, even her eyelashes curled with perfection. She was the epitome of “it” and you wanted to be her. Jealousy enraptured both of you.

But once your Dad died, that jealousy had no more blood left on to feed. It did have your father’s side of the family, who chose the funeral’s repast to air out their decades-long grievances with each other concerning your Dad.

A bottle flew in the air and almost hit your mom’s sister. In the midst of that chaos, your Mom grabbed your hand and asked if you were okay. Accusations were flying around that made your Dad either look like an angel or the devil incarnate. The same people that loved hard on you -- including your Aunt Jerri -- dogged your father out in front of everyone. Jackie gave a damn about you when the people around you both were worried about the “ principle” of it all. You and your Mom had no more reasons to fight. You became a united front, so strong that you both proceeded to curse out everyone into submission. Aunt Jerri even apologized to you since she “didn’t know both y’all bougie asses could go off like that.”

You made peace with your Aunt Jerri. Jackie was a different story.

“Is Jerri coming?” Jackie asks as she pours blistering hot water into her coffee mug.

“Yes, she is. She’s staying at my house … don’t you start.”

“Start what? I have no problems with that woman. As long as she knows her…”

“Both of you need to stay in your place. No disrespect, ma.”

Your Dad was a graduate of the North Philly streets. Your Mom was a first-year grad student at the University of Pennsylvania. Somehow your Dad made his way into a fraternity party on Penn’s campus and got a glimpse of Jackie, or ‘J8’, strolling in a circle with all of her sorority sisters to “Curious” by Midnight Star. He found a reason to linger around the house party at the defiance of his friends, waiting for the right time -- and right slow jam -- to get Jackie away from her girls. No such luck because somehow your Mom got out of the house and on her way home before your Dad could get a chance to dance with her.

But your Dad had collegiate connections -- your would-be Uncle Terrence, who willed himself away from those same streets and into Temple on a football scholarship -- who knew when the next party would be taking place. Your Dad waited and, sure enough, he laid eyes on Jackie again and this time, he’d get the slow jam he wanted.

It didn’t matter to your Mom that your Dad wasn’t on his way to a doctorate. It didn’t matter to your Dad that your Mom came from a well-off family from Chestnut Hill. Jackie would hang out in those same North Philly streets as her man with ease and your Dad would stroll around Penn’s campus like he belonged there. To everyone around them, they had no business with each other but they didn’t care. So much so that they eloped right after Jackie graduated, pissing off both sides of the family especially your Aunt Jerri.

Truth be told, Jerri and Jackie should be two peas in a pod. You’ve seen your Mom at sorority events and, without question, she could out-party your Aunt Jerri. In theory and practice, Jackie and Jerri should be on some seven-day cruise getting drunk together but alas, they both sit around with unresolved beef involving your Dad, the person who isn’t around to tell them to cut it out like he did in the past. His passing wasn’t enough to get them to bury it.

“I’m still your mother, watch it…”

“You sound like Jerri right now, you know that…” you joked, bracing for the coffee mug to travel from your mother’s hand towards your face. “Look, I’m only asking for you two to keep it church cute for two hours, if that. You can do that. At least for your husband, God rest his soul. And for me.”

“I will … and I’m praying for your future husband because I know Jerri is driving him insane.”

Aunt Jerri is indeed doing just that but Yahya doesn’t mind. Yet.

Aunt Jerri constantly reminds herself that Yahya is her future nephew-in-law. Yahya is so much like recently deceased husband -- Uncle Terrence -- that she can’t help but erroneously fall in love with your man. Aunt Jerri tries to curtail her lust enough as Yahya walks into the house fresh from the gym.

Yahya tosses his gym bag onto the vestibule floor with aims to run upstairs and grab a quick shower but Jerri prohibits that plan.

“What do you think? Do you know of anyone in Philly that could help?”

“I mean, I do but this is nuts…”

Yahya read the entire court case that Aunt Jerri handed him as he ran on the treadmill. What looked first like a false arrest turned into a case of police misconduct and judicial overzealousness. He’s seen judges level exorbitant bails on suspects before but this amount of bail was way beyond the standard. The way the police treated the suspect made Yahya so angry that he twice hit the treadmill’s emergency button to stop himself from running off of the exercise machine and into a wall.

He promised you that he wouldn’t take on any new cases this close to the wedding but his heart couldn’t let this one slide. His good heart couldn’t pass this over to someone else who he wasn’t quite sure could handle a case of this magnitude. But he wanted to practice fairness and ask you how you would feel about him picking up a case just months before the wedding. Yahya was running up the steps to take a shower and mull over what to do.

You aren’t right on time as you walk into the house just as he stands in the kitchen with sweat dripping off of his body from his run and the idea of you going off because he wants to play hero at the wrong time. He walks up to you and kisses your cheek. You implore him to get upstairs and wash away his workout before you three go out for dinner.

“You okay, Aunt Jerri?” You sit on one of the stools next to the kitchen island not rushing to tell Aunt Jerri about the conversation you just had with your Mom.

“Yeah, I am. Yahya and I were talking about some fucked up shit happening back home.”

“What’s messed up?”

“That wack shit that happened to Dave…”

Dave walked down Ogontz Avenue to blow off the steam of seeing your face for the first time in a year -- and the man that earned your love after he abandoned yours. He remembered the final night of your two-week stay last summer. You drove with him out of the county to what felt like the middle of nowhere. You sexed each other so deep and hard in the backseat of your car that your body heat had to escape through the tailpipe.

You were coming down from your high when you asked Dave to come back to DC with you. He could stay with you and then later visit you on his off weekends. Dave, so deep inside and into you, did not hesitate to agree. He wanted to wait until he was off from work to visit you first, not risking the job that Trace got him on the fly. Dave was on the way to becoming a supervisor at the warehouse and he didn’t want to mess up the grind.

You agreed and waited but Dave never came.

He sent that text after seeing you drive off with Yahya. He wanted you to know that he messed up, that fear of the unknown stopped him from making the move that his heart wanted to make. Hood dudes don’t drop everything for women, at least that’s what he saw around him. Dave still reveled in being revered in the streets. A new city with a woman he barely knew outside of the sex they created and the one date they shared wasn’t worth throwing away the relationships he built up north. But instead of telling you that he wasn’t ready for that, he ghosted. He didn’t want to hurt your feelings. He did more than that.

He grieved his decision as he walked down the street to grab some Backwoods before walking back home. There he was met with four police officers ransacking the corner store looking for a suspect related to a shooting that took place just blocks away. Dave was too deep into his thoughts to stop himself from walking into the store and what would happen next. Dave fit the description of the suspect: tall, tattooed with ahki beard. He didn’t have time to plead his case as the police slammed him up against one of the coolers and onto the floor, breaking his jaw.

Because Dave had a record and the victim was a five-year-old, the judge set his bail beyond even what his Mom could put her house up for in collateral. His lawyer, a public defender, told Dave to plea. A witness said she saw a man matching Dave’s description walking down Ogontz after the shooting. Dave was nowhere near the shooting, rather he was sitting on Aunt Jerri’s porch, ruminating about losing you but the lawyer didn’t want to hear it. So Dave sits in jail until his trial date and the neighborhood stewed in disbelief.

Aunt Jerri told Dave’s mom that she knew a civil rights attorney in DC that could help. She hoped that Yahya would take the case up himself, not thinking about the awkwardness of her niece’s fiance representing her niece’s ex-flame in court.

It hits you once you hear the story: that’s why you didn’t hear from Dave after you sent that text. He was sitting in PICC away from his friends and family. But you quickly wondered why you are now hearing about this from Aunt Jerri -- and how Yahya became a part of this conversation. Aunt Jerri quickly answers you.

“I was hoping Yahya knew someone up there that could help Dave.”

“Oh, because I know he’s not taking the case.”

“I was hoping that he would…”

“No the fuck he isn’t, Aunt Jer-.” You stop yourself from letting out more words that you both could handle. Despite the precedent set by you at your Dad’s funeral, you respect Aunt Jerri enough to reel it back in. “He can’t. We made a promise to each other that he wouldn’t take any cases from now until the wedding.”

Aunt Jerri stands bewildered as she hears you dismiss Dave’s need. She knew you were upset about what happened but she didn’t think you would react this way.

“I know Dave dumped into you and ditched you but this ain’t the way to get your revenge.”

“Excuse me?!”

Your rage boils as you listen to Aunt Jerri use your resentment toward Dave as a reason to keep him in jail. There’s a million lawyers in Philly, Dave didn’t need Yahya. You also didn’t want Dave and Yahya to ever meet, for Yahya to even know Dave’s existence. You were able to dodge a meetup when you were in Philly months prior. No need to plan one now. “First of all, you were the one that told me to get with him. And secondly, what you think it would look like if your new man is reppin’ your old in court. That’s foolish.”

“You were foolish in how you handled that Dave situation. I told you that boy didn’t want you…”

“Yeah, just like Uncle T ain’t want your ass either.” You could swipe low blows with the best of them.

“I know my brother loved you but don’t think I won’t…”

“Do what? I’m not my Mom. You can’t punk me.”

Yahya turns the corner of the steps to see you and Aunt Jerri almost eye to eye in the kitchen. He knows your faces of anger, catching it a time or two from you. He knows something is wrong and he fears that Aunt Jerri told him about the case. He knows what you don’t want him to do.

“Y’all good? Y’all ready to head out to dinner?” Yahya tries to break up the detente happening in the kitchen.

“I think so.” You cut a look at Aunt Jerri that could cut through steel. She grabs her purse and heads to the front door. Yahya passes her to meet you in the kitchen. He grabs onto your waist and pulls you in for a kiss. You rebuff him at first but like always, your body sinks into his without much hesitation.

“You okay, babe?” Yahya braces himself to kiss you again if you ask about what Aunt Jerri brought up to him.

“What’s this about a case?”

“Someone from the neighborhood got himself in a lousy situation with the police up there and she wanted to know if I knew of anyone up there that could help.”

“I’m sure you do because you promised me that you wouldn’t do anything else…”

Yahya doesn’t want to tell her that as he showered, he made his decision: he is going to represent Dave.

Taglist: @yoursoulstea @harleycativy @twistedcharismaaa @dorkskinneded @need-my-fics @ghostfacekill-monger @writerbee-ffs @chaneajoyyy @amyhennessyhouse

#dave east #yahya abdul-mateen ii x reader #yahya abdul-mateen ii #Old habits die hard

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ill-skillsgard · 5 years

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Your Birthday Weekend - Henry x Mistress

Babes... Y’all have me messed up over this Henry Deaver situation... I can’t get this fucker out of my head! I want to sometimes because it’s just so dirty but, guh... I feel it so hard in my nasty soul. Anyway... I hope you enjoy some fluffiness. Idk what’s gotten into me today but I’m just feeling all the good vibes. Enjoy!

Warning: 18+ mentions of sex/strong language/cheating/adult themes. Read at your own discretion.

Henry X Mistress MasterpostHERE

Before things got too serious, Henry mentioned wanting to spend the following weekend together. This admission of his was the sweetest music one could ever play as it fell on your birthday. There was something preventing you from telling Henry about the date and he was too busy enthusing about the restaurant he would take you to, claiming that it was his all-time favourite and it was worth a long trip, to notice you were holding something in. You couldn't cut him off too soon before he gorged you on the details.

Eventually, you had to lay your hand on his chest to stop him. He took in a breath, held it and then asked, "what is it? Do you not like the idea?"

"No, it's definitely not that," you tittered. "It's just... Well, next weekend is my birthday and... I sort of had plans with my family. I didn't want to tell you too soon because you might have thought I was like... I don't know... Fishing for a gift or something."

Henry looked visibly taken aback by your revelation. First, he looked put-off, then a shroud of confusion came over his brow until a small smile broke on his lips. A sly look made him squint, that enamouring smile of his coming into clear view. "It's your birthday next weekend?"

"Yes," you said, suspicious of what he might say next. You learned that Henry had some persuasive ways about him. That had become obvious to you almost immediately. He had the cash to get what he wanted and quickly.

"You can't," he pleaded, grasping your hand and bringing it between you like he might make you pinky promise him. "You simply have to come with me."

"Henry... I can't. I didn't expect this and we already made the plans."

"Well... Would they truly begrudge you a weekend with a new lucky man? Surely your family would wish to see you lavished with all the worldly delicacies a man of my stature can procure."

"Wow! Easy there, William!" You howled which caused him to burst out laughing.

"Jesus... I'm sorry. I don't know where that came from. I swear to god I've never said that before in my life," Henry wiped at his eyes while having a good chuckle at himself.

"You're hilarious."

"So you'll reschedule with the family?"

"That's not what 'you're hilarious' means," you poked him.

"I know but... Please? It's so perfect. And... Shit..."

"What?"

Henry withdrew suddenly, his expression snapping into seriousness. It startled you to watch the joy drain out of him so quickly. You touched his chest again because you could and waited for him to continue, fixated on the possibility of bad news leaving the lips that had been speaking nothing but pure sweetness for the whole weekend.

"I already booked the reservation and tickets to a show and a hotel thinking you would just say yes. It's non-refundable. But I guess—"

"Ohmy GOD!" You yelled, half-excited and almost wholly angry at him. "Why are you like this?"

You wanted to give him a good thumping but he caught your wrists and subdued you quickly, using his entire weight to roll over you, pressing your top half down hard into the mattress. He smothered your protests with his lips, humming and smiling while getting in as many kisses as you would allow between trying to berate him for his reckless investment.

"If I'd have known it was your birthday..." He trailed off, eyes rising to the ceiling and beyond, you imagined. "I'd have booked us a five-star penthouse suite off the coast of some tropical island and we would be fucking in the sand, getting all tanned and drinking booze out of pineapples! Why the hell didn't you tell me your birthday was next weekend!? Now I feel... God... Now I feel like the restaurant thing was a shitty idea!"

"No! No, no, no, don't say that! You didn't know. It's a good idea!"

"Right? I know. That's why we're going and that's why you should tell me about these things in advance."

"Well, maybe you should have told me what your plans were!" You diffused the blame.

Henry managed to convince you to call off the dinner you'd had planned and your family was understanding. Not wanting to cause much of a stir, you lied through your teeth and told them that you absolutely had to work because of a conference in town that was attracting an absurd amount of bookings and someone had just abruptly quit, leaving you with impossible shifts to fill. It was a flimsy lie, but believable, and you were alleviated of the guilt immediately after telling Henry the news that he wanted to hear.

"Aw, yes! Baby! Thank you. I'm so glad. God... We will have so much fun! I promise. It's going to a good birthday. I'll make sure of that."

"I know," you couldn't contain your beam of a smile.

You spent the rest of the day lounging around his condo, making snacks and lying down on his couch for a movie marathon. You had work the next morning, but Henry assured you he would get you home to grab your uniform and then to work with enough time to stop for coffee. But until then, you weren't permitted to worry about work or talk of anything that would stick a pin in your private rose-coloured bubble with Henry. He would not allow it.

His happiness was contagious. It was impossible not to take a big mental step back to evaluate him from a practical viewpoint. How was it that it felt so natural to just lie beside a man you only met a few weeks ago and be so at ease? There was a heavy perfume of enchantment intoxicating the both of you and the way he looked at you sometimes made you wonder if he was falling in love. God, it sure felt like it.

You suspected it was on his mind, in his thoughts... On his tongue. It was too early. You both knew that. But he made it so hard not to say. The sex. God, the sex. Henry fucked you like he was going to cum for the first time, every time. It was too enjoyable not to listen to the way he praised you, feel how fervently he fondled you, relish how frequently he licked your skin and made you feel like your body was food for his soul. Of course, you would go away with him. The answer was obvious.

The weekend he promised was all he said it would be and more. And it was the first opportunity you had to really see Henry out mingling with people and seeing how others responded to him. All of your time spent together had been mostly behind closed doors. It was brand new being out with Henry. He even flattened his palm against your ass a few times in public while you were waiting in lines and checking into the hotel he had booked.

The lady behind the desk responded enthusiastically to Henry's charming greeting, and it wasn't the first time you noticed that he had a certain sway with women. Especially when he smiled like that. You stood back a few times just to see what he would do in a situation you were not immediately present in and every time, the way people reacted to him was warm and welcoming. Men acknowledged him and women always caught the tail-end of Henry's gripping stare. Most of them gave him a twice-over, and you swore a few of them had given him that subtle smirk of attraction.

You sat in your seats at the show he brought you to. It was a big name comedian and they were filming a special. Cameras were everywhere and before the announcer told of the performers welcome to the stage, you squeezed high up on his thigh, causing him to flinch and turn to you prepared for a play fight.

"What's the big idea, stretch?" He hissed at you.

"Did you know that you're really fucking sexy?"

"What?" He scoffed. "Come on. Don't say that."

"It's true. I literally saw a woman checking out your ass earlier while we were in line. You look so fucking good tonight."

It was true. Henry wasn't dressed in his normal attire, although he looked positively dashing in suits, anyway. But that night he was wearing a much more casual outfit and his hair was playfully tousled. He looked younger somehow but still like the same Henry that travelled for work and took you on excursions like these.

"That's silly."

"Why? You have killer legs and a nice ass."

"What!" He cackled. "No, I don't! It's just an ass. It's a dude's ass. There's nothing nice about that!"

"You're fucking insane," you mumbled under your breath, the rolling din of the auditorium drowning out your incredulity. "Henry... You have like the cutest ass I've ever seen. Do you not like... Look at yourself in a full-length mirror at all?"

"Yeah, I have one in my closet."

"Your ass is so gorgeous I want to... God, I don't know. I want to bite it."

Henry tilted his head back and laughed. "Oh yeah? You wanna eat my ass?"

"Probably," you replied.

"Yeah, right."

"It's true. I would, probably. If you asked me to."

Henry grabbed your hand and brought it to his lips. Sometimes he did that and just spoke against your knuckles like you might feel his words rather than just hear them. "I'll keep that in mind for the next time I'm feeling confident about my man ass."

"You should. It's a sweet ass," you terminated the argument with your last claim. Henry rolled his eyes, and the lights dimmed. The announcer's voice came on over the booming sound system and people started to cheer.

#henry deaver x mistress #henry x mistress #bill skarsgard fanfiction #castle rock fanfiction

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cncohdamn · 5 years

Text

Zabdiel - 36: “We’ll figure it out”

Word count: 1,700+

look at me I’m back y’all

I hope this isn’t bad, I’m a little rusty. Enjoy!!

It’s been 5 months with this gentle giant and you’re probably the happiest you’ve been in a long time. His calm and relaxed nature took away your stress and anxiety, and his goofy and silly side brought joy and sunshine to your life. His hugs and embraces surrounded you with warmth; his kisses were sweet, tender, and caring. You loved him so much in such a short amount of time, and he felt the exact same.

And that’s probably how you ended up here, sitting on the bathroom floor, silently bawling your eyes out with the stick in your hand. That little stick changed everything within seconds. The plus sign. Four sticks and four plus signs later, the reality of it all was yet to sink in.

Recently you started feeling nauseous in the morning, only chalking it up to be a cold or from bad food. Your cycle was relatively regular so when you missed your period your heart sunk like a ship inside your chest.

With the proof right in front of you, you thought back since your last period. The boys brought you clubbing a couple nights, and in the midst of drunken love, you two may have forgotten a condom a time or two. Mistake number one.

The two of you had been intimate in your relationship for a while now and not once did birth control cross your mind. Condoms should be good enough, right? Not when you forget them. Mistake number two.

“Amor, ¿todos bien?” Zabdiel’s voice called from the other side of the bathroom door. He had stayed at your place for the night, but you thought he was asleep.

“Oh, e-everything’s fine!” You tried your best to mask the noticeable change in your voice from crying. “I was just gonna get in the shower!”

“Do you want me to join?” He chuckled. It made you happy, but as you stared at that pink and white stick, his words kind of stung.

“I’m running late for work amor, maybe next time.” What a stupid excuse.

“Pues, I’m going to go meet Richard, I’ll call you later cariña. Te quiero.” He made a kissy noise barely audible through the wooden door.

“Te quiero más.”

You waited to hear the front door shut before you tossed the stick in with the others in the trash, wrapped the bag up, and snuck it downstairs to the dumpster to hide the evidence.

You did actually shower and go to work despite the stress.

“(Y/N), you’re practically glowing,” your coworker said.

“Oh, thank you. It’s this new skin routine,” you lied, giving a small fake smile.

—

After work in the safety of your apartment, you called your best friend, ready to cry. The second she said hello you blurted out the news.

“(Y/F/N), I’m pregnant.”

“What?” She said, surprise in her voice. “Are you playing with me right now?”

“No,” you sniffled, “I missed my period and took four tests, all positive. What am I going to do?”

“Have you told Zabdiel yet?” She questioned.

“No, how can I tell him that? Our relationship has barely been made public, what if it ruins his career?” You started to choke on your words now, hot tears streaming down your red cheeks.

“(Y/N) it’ll be okay. Maybe schedule a doctors appointment and see what they say, and how far along you are. This will give you some time to think and weigh your options,” she sighed. “Do you want me to come over? I can bring ice cream.”

“I’ll see if I can make an appointment,” you mumbled. “I could always go for some ice cream,” You brought up your scratchy sleeves and wiped your eyes dry.

Not long after your phone call your best friend showed up at your door, a few different flavors of ice cream in hand. You two spent the night watching movies and eating junk food, something the two of you had always done together to unwind.

—

Your doctor predicted you to be about a month along. You still haven’t told Zabdiel, and you weren’t sure if you even could. You wanted him to be happy, and you wanted the best for his career. A baby would interfere with that. Hell, you even interfered with that. When the public found out he had a girlfriend, they nearly lost their minds. The backlash was insane. You couldn’t force him to go through that again with the baby. It would be even worse than just a dating scandal - he was having a child with a girl he hadn’t even been dating for a year.

A month passed by and you had seen the doctor again since then, only telling your boyfriend you were feeling sick to your stomach.

“What did the doctor say amor?” Zabdi asked with a little pout, his hand cupping the side of your face as he pecked your forehead.

“Oh, I just have a stomach virus, I’ll be okay,” you smiled, leaning up to peck his lips.

“Are you okay to go celebrate Joel’s birthday?” His hand found his way to yours, fingers intertwining.

“Sí, I’m perfectly okay, don’t worry.” You reassured him and gave his hand a squeeze. “I’ll go get ready.”

You threw on a pair of leggings and a hooded sweatshirt. Thankfully you weren’t going clubbing or partying, it was just a little get-together with a group of people at Richard’s house, so it was more laid back and casual. You slid into your sneakers and left for your friend’s party with your doting boyfriend by your side.

“¡Feliz cumpleaños mi Joelito!” You shouted when he opened the door, surprising him with a big hug.

“Gracias, (Y/N),” he chuckled. Zabdiel handed him his gift and gave him a hug with a similar greeting.

“Feliz cumpleaños, hermano.”

You left them to talk and greeted the other boys on your way to the kitchen. You nibbled on a slice of pizza and handed Zabdiel a slice when he found you.

“Want a glass of champagne, baby?” Your boyfriend asked, grabbing one for himself.

“Mm, no, thank you. I don’t really want to drink tonight.”

“What? (Y/N) doesn’t want a drink?” Richard teased, grabbing a beer from the fridge. “That’s weird.”

“You’re weird,” you joked, munching on some chips. You dipped a chip in some mustard and ketchup you had mixed on a plate.

“Says the girl eating chips with burger condiments.”

“It’s so good, though!” You exclaimed, taking another bite.

“Want some popcorn?” Zabdi asked, gesturing the bowl.

The greasy, buttery smell bothered you to the point you nearly threw up in your mouth.

“No, thank you,” you shook your head, not looking at the food.

“¿Qué? You normally love popcorn,” he said. Eventually, he shrugged and set the bowl to the side. “I’m going to go find Chris,” he said and quickly pecked your temple before leaving the kitchen.

“So what’s the deal, (Y/N)?” Richard asked in a hushed voice once the kitchen was clear, leaning against the counter near you.

You raised a brow. “What do you mean?”

“You’re dressed down for a party, you’re eating weird shit, you refuse to eat your favorites, you’re not drinking at a party…”

“We all have weird food combos we like, and I just.. don’t want popcorn right now.”

“The other day when we went out for fast food you dipped your fries in your milkshake. People do it, but you don’t. You usually dog on Chris for eating it that way. You just decided it was a great food combination all the sudden?” Richard interrogated. He pulled at the pocket of your sweatshirt.

“And what’s this? It’s not very cold out and you’re at a party. I’ve dealt with these signs firsthand, (Y/N). Trying to hide something?”

“Richard, I can’t tell him.” He broke you. He saw right through you.

“How far along are you?” He sighed.

“About… about two months… or more…” you averted your eyes to the floor.

“Two months?” Richard shouted without realizing it until after. “You have to tell Zabdiel, he deserves to know.” He was softer with his words this time.

“Richard, I can’t tell him!”

“Tell me what?” Zabdiel interrupted, standing near the kitchen door.

You rapidly shifted your gaze to your confused boyfriend.

“I,” you nearly whispered, “I…”

Tears began to flow like waterfalls down your cheeks, sending Zabdi into a panic.

“Amor, why are you crying? What’s wrong?” The giant hurried to your side and wrapped one lanky arm around your frame, his thumb on the opposite hand wiping away every tear he could.

“I’m pregnant,” you finally blurted out.

“P-please don’t hate me.” You mumbled after a moment of deafening silence.

“Amor, mírame mi vida, how could I hate you?” He tilted your chin up.

“I don’t want th-this to wreck everything you’ve w-worked so h-hard for,” you were sobbing at this point, choking on the words you’ve been thinking over and over since you found out.

“It won’t, I promise, it won’t,” he hushed you, holding you close to him as if his life depended on it. “We’ll figure it out. Baby, it will be okay.”

“But your fans don’t like me already,” you sniffled, using the cuff of your sweatshirt’s sleeve to dab at the tears your boyfriend missed.

“Well, Richard has Aaliyah, doesn’t he? Y él todavía está aquí.” His manly arms trapped you against his abdomen.

Your dainty hands reached up and held onto his biceps while your head rested on his chest. “I guess so…”

“You know what?” He dropped an arm and rummaged through his pocket to grab his phone. Zabdiel, still holding you close with his other arm, extended his phone into the air. Hidden in his embrace, the only thing the camera could see was your puffy, wet eye and Zabdiel’s happy, goofy smile. He added another photo of the two of you that you had taken on your third date.

“What are you doing?” You whined.

Instagram was pulled up on his phone. His thumb moved at a rapid pace as he typed the caption: “Today is the best day of my life. I found out my beautiful novia is pregnant with my beautiful baby. Estoy tan feliz. I hope you’re all happy for us, too. Te amo mucho, mi vida @(your insta handle) ❤️”

His phone blew up the second after he hit ‘Post.’ The majority of the comments were nice and congratulating.

“Way to steal the limelight, guys!” Joel shouted from the other room.

Zabdiel gave you a squeeze as you both chuckled.

“I told you it would be okay. Us and our future baby will be okay.”

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ccarats · 6 years

Photo

so i have a post for my general follow forever/mentions/whatever that’s called for my anniversary post aosihfsdf. but i wanted to give a special shoutout to angie ( @compoxing / @misterrightscenarios ) and ri ( @fallingforcheol ) because in such a short amount of time, the two of you have become very dear to me. talking to the two of you each day brightens it up every time i see a message notification from you two. we go on about how much we love our bias, only to then send pictures of our wreckers ( and wonwoo is not a wrecker so sTOP ) only to laugh at each other’s freakouts five seconds later. i mean it all started with sending nice messages to each other in our inboxes, ri, and the scoups trash can for us, angie- i honestly didn’t know that such good friendships would blossom from these little things, but i’m incredibly grateful that they did.

being able to talk on kkt with you, angie, at three in the morning and talking about how soft jihoon is and then going on to me yelling at you about your disloyalty and your swerves towards jeonghan. to come up with the most random ideas and throw them into the void of our chat and develop them with no intention other than to just have fun. sending each other pictures of the members at the same exact time and screaming about them and the fact that we literally sent the same exact post to one another. to being able to come to you when i’m struggling, or having a hard time, and listening to me when nobody else wants to, or can. your writing is insane, too, and you know this- i tell you it all the time. reading your scenarios always gets me so excited and i’m always so happy to see where you take things, even though i already know half the time lol. you can take a common au and transform it into something uniquely you and it’s just so distinct i can read something and immediately go ‘oh, angie wrote smth new!!’, and i think that’s an amazing skill all in its own. i love being able to bounce ideas with you on my stories, your stories or just headcanon about soft things like dadteen or other things like.....well, you know. you’ve made my days inexplicably more exciting and filled with joy, and i hope that i’ve been able to do only a fraction of that for you.

ri, it’s made me so happy to be able to talk to somebody who i admired from afar for a while, and for multiple reasons. your cheery outlook on here and friendliness being one, your intense work ethic for your blog being another. and your writing- it’s otherworldly. reading your fluffy works always made me blush and squirm around because it was too adorable, your angst always brought tears to my eyes and i could never tell if i was just a sensitive baby or if you were just that good, but i choose to go with the latter. your ideas are so unique and i love that you explore different genres so openly and without as big a fear of people not enjoying that piece as i’ve seen in other writers throughout the years. your creativity for drabbles is insane, and i’ve always commended you for that. your kindness towards other content creators or those who partake in it is on a level that i can only hope to be. sometimes i sit in our chat and i’m like...wow how did i get so lucky to end up friends with her?? and it’s nice to have somebody i can complain to about writing sometimes. as much as i love it, it can be exhausting and extremely frustrating in some situations and i’m glad that there’s somebody who understands me to an extent that maybe others wouldn’t. i’ve had such a good time talking with you and i hope you don’t leave me in the dust when u realize how much cooler you are then me aosihfosdf

you both have made my life a lot brighter in the maybe month, tops that we’ve been talking? and i want to thank you for that. in a time that wasn’t so great for me, with your unintentional help, you dug me out of a hole that i was slowly digging myself into. i enjoy writing things that i’m insecure in now, i feel like i can talk about things more openly without judgement, and idk... i just love y’all and u’ve done so much to help me without even knowing the half of it!!! you guys are soft trio for a reason- you make me smile and excited to come on here. to write, even when i don’t want to. to participate in tags and yell at each other on the dash when i never thought that i’d be a part of that. i hope that we have many more months of friendship ahead of us, and i hope that i’ve brought even just a little bit of brightness to your lives in the time we’ve been talking.

#i know this is super cheesy #and exclusive to the two of you #but you guys are really special to me!!#you're my writer friends and the people i talk to for a majority of my days #generally at least haha #i've said most of what i needed to up there i just #hope u don't mind that i got so extra #love u guys :(#soft trio

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a-splash-of-stucky · 7 years

Text

A Messed Up Place | Seven

Pairings: Bucky x Reader || Steve x Reader

Summary: You’ve had a little too much to drink. Shit happens.

Warnings: SMUT, 18+ only y’all. Unprotected sex (not a good idea), drunken shenanigans, dubious consent (explained further at the end of the chapter). I am being 200% serious, here: if you’re squeamish about anything even vaguely non-consensual, do not read this chapter.

Notes: For @hellomissmabel’s challenge. Ummmm…..sorry? Y’all gonna hate the reader even more after this one. I just…I can’t. There’s no justification for it.

AMUP Masterlist

The mission has been a success. You and Bucky have been in Kuala Lumpur for two weeks and in that time, you’ve managed to accomplish a lot of things. First and foremost, you’ve managed to decontaminate the drug load before it got distributed, using a fancy cocktail of chemicals that Stark cooked up. That had been a team effort, with Bucky doing some pretty intense seducing and sweet-talking, whilst you’d snuck into an abandoned warehouse to deal with the problem. In addition, the two of you managed to crack open a hole in Nova’s trafficking links, wheedling out some information from a low-level gang member — using no small amount of physical coercion — in order to determine the perfect location to plant a double-agent. All you need to do is get back to the compound and pass on the relevant information.

Tonight, therefore, is a night of celebration. It’s your final night out here in the wonderful, albeit swelteringly hot and unbearably humid city of KL. You’re clearly making the most out of your last night here, but Bucky’s rather more downcast, isn’t really in a celebratory mood. He doesn’t have it in himself to be happy anymore. Sure, the mission went better than he could have ever hoped, but he’s just feeling quite detached from it all. Seeing you looking happy and joyous on the dance floor is almost enough to tease some joy out of the broken remains of his heart, but really, he’s just exhausted. He’s tired of having to hold himself together all the time.

You’ve let loose tonight, more so than Bucky has ever seen you. You’re currently having the time of your life on the dance floor of this packed club, having thrown back several shots of vodka to cast away your inhibitions. Even in the dim lighting, Bucky can still catch sight of your form as you twist and grind your body amongst the throng of people surrounding you. You’ve give yourself over to the music, your body moving in rhythm with the song’s loud and erotic beat. Bucky can’t tear his eyes off you, no matter how hard he tries. Though he tells himself he’s only keeping an eye on you to make sure you don’t get into any trouble — though who is he kidding? You’re more than capable of handling any trouble that comes your way, drunk as you may be — in reality, he knows he can’t stop watching because he wants nothing more than to be dancing beside you.

You look stunning.

To be fair, you could be wearing a trash bag in lieu of clothing and you’d still manage to steal Bucky’s breath, but something about your dress tonight is just…especially exquisite.

It’s a spectacular cobalt blue number; long-sleeved, stopping at your mid-thigh, with a plunging neckline that reveals a fair amount of your chest. It hugs your body in all the right ways, accentuating the femininity of your form. The bodice is adorned with sequins that sparkle alluringly whenever the strobing lights of the club land on you. And if that wasn’t enough? Your hair is mussed from you running your fingers through it multiple times. Your makeup is glamorous; all smoky eyes and cherry-red lips without looking too overdone. A thin veil of sweat coats your skin, giving you an ethereal glow.

It’s a little after one in the morning now, and Bucky decides that it’s about time for the two of you to be heading back to the hotel. Your flight home tomorrow isn’t particularly early, but Bucky doesn’t think he can stand another second of watching you dancing when you’re dancing like that — it’s driving him to the edge of insanity. Bucky throws back the last of his whiskey, sets his glass on the bar, then pushes past the crowd of people to get to you. Catching hold of your upper arm, he presses his lips close to your ear so that you can hear him over the relentless thrum of the bass.

“C’mon, let’s go home!” Bucky shouts.

You turn to him and narrow your eyes. “No!” you shout back, “I wanna stay, come dance with me!”. You grab hold of his wrist, trying to tug him deeper into the mass of swaying bodies.

“C’mon, Y/N, you’re drunk!” Bucky says, more insistently this time.

Bucky is in agony, having to be this close to you. Though his nose is assaulted by the bitter smokiness in the club, the sour tang of alcohol and the general mustiness of sweat, Bucky can still catch the faintest whiff of your perfume and goodness if that doesn’t bring back a whole host of memories.

“Am not!” you slur. Someone bumps into your shoulder, causing you to teeter unsteadily in your heels. Bucky’s hand darts out and catches your waist, steadying you.

“Okay, well, I’m tired, so let’s get going,” Bucky reasons, tightening his grip on your arm and practically dragging you out of the crowd. You stumble, then get a grip on Bucky’s shoulder and lean heavily against him as he walks you out of the club.

He glances over his shoulder to catch you pouting. “Fine,” you huff, “You’re no fun,”. Bucky shakes his head as he chuckles, bemused by how cute you look when you’re drunk and upset.

The cab ride home is its own twisted kind of torture. You’re sprawled against Bucky, your head pillowed on his shoulder and your legs stretched out as much as they can be on the backseat. The skirt of your dress has ridden up your legs to highly indecent levels, and it is taking every ounce of Bucky’s willpower to not stare at that expanse of exposed skin. Staring is impolite, so Bucky forces himself to avert his gaze — but fucking hell, you make that a difficult task.

More importantly, though, with you this close, he can’t help but catch a strong whiff of your scent every time he inhales. Now that you’ve escaped from the overpowering stench of sweat and alcohol, there is no masking the sweet fragrance of your shampoo, or the crisp, fresh scent of your skin. It’s a smell that’s wholly you and it makes Bucky shift uncomfortably in his seat. He angles his hips slightly away from you, vehemently praying to anyone in the heavens above that might be listening, so that you don’t notice the situation starting to develop in his pants.

You’re pretty much silent as Bucky brings the two of you up to your room. His arm is wrapped protectively around your waist to steady you as you walk in your heels — and yes, he’s probably holding you a little closer than is strictly appropriate, given the fact that you’re engaged to his best friend, but it’s a small luxury he hasn’t had in a while, so he doesn’t beat himself up too much about it. You make no move to shove him away, which Bucky is secretly appreciative of.

When you get to your room, Bucky whips the key card from out of his back pocket, swipes it across the card reader and ushers you inside, herding you over to the bed. You perch on the edge of it, a picture of docility; legs crossed at the ankles and hands folded in your lap.

Since it would have been rather awkward to share the only bed in the suite — given your history together and the fact that you are now engaged to Steve — you and Bucky have been taking it in turns to sleep on the bed. Technically, you’re supposed to be sleeping on the living room sofa tonight, as it’s Bucky’s turn to have the bed, but he figures that he’ll be a gentleman and let you have the better bunking spot. You’ll probably thank him for it in the morning.

Satisfied that you’re going to stay put on the bed, Bucky dashes to the bedside table to grab a bottle of water. He cracks open the seal and brings the bottle to your lips, murmuring soft encouragements to you so that you take a few hearty sips. When you tap his wrist to tell him that you’re good, Bucky pulls the bottle away and watches as a couple of stray drops of water escape from the corner of your lips. They trickle down your chin, meander over the column of your neck, past your décolletage and finally, disappear between the valley of your breasts. Bucky finds himself unable to do anything but track the movement of those droplets as they travel over your skin. He wets his lips subconsciously.

When he finally drags his gaze upwards to meet yours, he swallows nervously; you’ve been watching him the entire time. When your eyes make contact, you arch an eyebrow seductively as you slowly lean back, resting your weight on your palms as you cross your legs at the knee, forcing the skirt of your dress to ride up a little bit more. The position forces your chest outwards. You flash Bucky a coy smile as you gaze up at him through your lashes.

What the hell? is the only thought that Bucky’s rational brain is capable of thinking, at this moment. The rest of his mind is fixated on the fact that you look goddamn delicious.

Bucky swallows nervously. “Uhh…well..um..you’re okay, right, Y/N? I’m just…um…gonna go bunk on the sofa,” he mumbles, tightening his grip on the bottle of water in his hand as he turns to leave.

You lunge out — reflexes surprisingly fast for someone who’s that drunk — and catch the sleeve of his dress shirt between your fingers.

“Stay, Bucky,” you breathe, your fingers encircling his wrist. He swallows again, becoming acutely aware of the manic thumping of his heart against his rib cage. Bucky shakes his head as he twists his hand out of your grip.

“No, Y/N,” he says resolutely, “You’re engaged to Steve, remember? It’s not…s’not right for me to stay…with you,”.

His heart does a sickening lurch when you stand up and take a couple of steps towards him, tottering unsteadily on your feet. Bucky takes a few steps back in retreat until there’s nowhere else for him to go; you’ve backed him into the wall. He drops the plastic bottle in his shock. You’re inches away from him now, so close that he can smell the faint tang of alcohol on your breath and see the hunger in your lust-darkened eyes.

“Stay, Bucky,” you repeat, your voice breathier this time — more of a purr, than anything else.

Bucky shakes his head again, swallowing agitatedly. The ultimate battle between head and heart is raging inside him; he feels like these conflicting desires could very well tear him apart. He reaches out to put both hands on your shoulders, intending to push you away, but in a lightning-fast motion, you catch the wrist of his metal arm.

His breathing hitches.

You turn your face to press your lips against the heel of his palm. Bucky hasn’t got any sensation there — all he detects is feather-light pressure — but the gesture stuns and confuses him all the same. Before his brain can even process what’s going on, you catch his other hand and run your lips over the pulse point in his wrist. His breathing stutters because this time he can feel you; the tenderness of your lips, the warmth of your breath.

Your touch is like a drug, making his brain work more sluggishly. Bucky is still trying to make sense of the situation, but you’re forging ahead like a woman on a mission, leaning up on your tip-toes and pressing a quick kiss to the corner of his mouth.

Fuck. That draws him back to reality.

“I said no, Y/N!” Bucky cries, forcibly shoving you away from him. You stumble back and, unable to find your balance on unsteady feet, land on the bed with a soft oomph. Bucky is unnerved; pulse racing erratically, breath coming in quick pants and flesh hand visibly trembling with — fear? Rage? Desire? He’s unsure, but either way, he needs to get out before he does something that he’ll sorely regret in the morning.

The two of you had a rule, back when you were still friends-with-benefits. Actually, you had a few rules, but one of them was to never have sex whilst drunk or under the influence of drugs. It’d be too risky and unsafe. And — even though that agreement has long since been null, Bucky is reluctant to cross the boundary. He doesn’t want to hurt you, or Steve, or—

“Y/N what the fuck are you doing?” Bucky hisses. Lost in his own thoughts, he didn’t register the fact that you’ve slunk off the bed and crept across the floor to kneel in front of him. Fuck if that isn’t an image that his body likes very much. You tip your head back to look at him, your bottom lip caught between your teeth as you flutter your lashes seductively. Your hands are lightly resting on his outer thighs, thumbs rubbing gentle circles against his leg. They’re two searing hot points of contact that Bucky can’t ignore. You’ve got him pinned into place by the sheer power of your gaze. Bucky’s lost himself in the depth of your eyes and before he catches onto what’s happening, you’ve got your palm pressing against the hard outline of his cock, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“Jesus,” he swears, the air in his lungs escaping in a rapid exhale. You start to stroke him through his all-too-tight pants, the friction a mind-numbingly pleasurable sensation on his cock. Each time Bucky cracks open his eyes to glance down at your hand, he stares helplessly at the diamond ring on your finger. It taunts him as it sparkles and glints in the moonlight streaming in through the window. This is wrong, so wrong, on so many levels.

“You want me, Bucky,” you murmur, almost absentmindedly, “And I want you,”.

“Y/N,” Bucky croaks weakly, “Please…don’t…don’t do this, what about Steve?”.

The protest sounds pitiful, even to his ears. He’s having to exercise an extortionate amount of restraint to prevent himself from jerking his hips into your hand. God, it’s everything he’s been craving this past month — Bucky’s missed this, so damn much, and it’s taking every last scrap of concentration in him to stop himself from grinding into your palm. Bucky’s treading on precariously thin ice here, he realises that, but all the blood in his body is rushing south, making it increasingly difficult to think. With each passing second, more and more of his shaky resistance is crumbling away, succumbing to your alluring pull. You are an enchanting siren and Bucky? He’s nothing more than the sailor who fell prey to your lull of your song.

You rise to your feet, steading yourself by resting your hands on Bucky’s waist. Your face is a hair’s breadth away from his; the two of you are breathing in the same air, now. “Steve doesn’t need to know,” you whisper, giggling afterwards like you’re a naughty toddler who’s just done something behind their parents’ back. “It can be our little secret,” you add.

“Y/N, don’t—,”

But whatever Bucky was about to say is cut off by you mashing your lips to his. Bucky’s brain short circuits. He thinks he might actually pass out. For all the times the two of you have had sex together, he’s never once gotten the opportunity to savour the taste of your lips, so this is everything he’s ever wanted—

—but this is so wrong, so wrong, not how it was supposed to happen at all.

Even so — and Bucky feels truly guilty for even thinking this — he love it. Oh, it’s a hundred, a thousand, a million times better than he ever dreamed it would be. Bucky can’t suppress the little whimper that bubbles out of his chest, can’t stop himself from resting his big hands on your waist, splaying his fingers wide to hold your body nearer to his. You shift a little closer, moaning happily into the kiss as Bucky sinks his teeth into your bottom lip. Your lips part easily, allowing Bucky to teasingly lick at the inside of your mouth. He can taste the remnants of vodka on you, but behind that, there’s a flavour that’s uniquely you; heady and complex and too damn amazing for words to describe. You nip playfully at his bottom lip as your hands start to wander over his body.

Bucky tentatively tangles his fingers into the hair at the nape of your neck, deepening the kiss further. He wants this, wants this so fucking much—

But Steve, his brain agonises.

‘Conflicted’ is not an adequate enough word to describe the emotions warring inside his mind.

With your fingers hooked into his belt loops, you somehow manage to garner enough coordination to walk the two of you backwards towards the bed. Bucky’s hands are idly roaming over you; running up and down your sides, roving over your back and ass, feeling you up the way he’s been dying to do for weeks now, ever since you left him. Bucky can’t get enough of your taste, so his lips hardly ever leave yours. He’s kissing you like a man starved, like you are the oxygen that sustains his body, like he’ll die if he ever stops kissing you. He never wants to stop kissing you; he’s determined to kiss your lips until they’re pink and swollen.

You fall backwards onto the bed, pulling Bucky’s body on top of you. He catches his weight on his forearms, resting them on either side of your head, caging you in. Behind him, he hears a pair of twin thunks as you kick off your heels. Your legs are spread wide, making your dress ride up to a positively scandalous length. Bucky lies between your thighs, his hard-on pressing against your groin. He grinds into you, sinfully, dirtily slow, relishing the desperate, needy mewl that rips free of your throat.

In a flash, the atmosphere in the room changes. The kiss becomes hungrier, more wanton, the air punctuated every now and then with a choked-off moan or a breathy sigh. Your fingers are working down the line of buttons on Bucky’s shirt, eager to get him out of it. You yank the shirt-tails out of his pants then shove the garment down his shoulders. Bucky shrugs it off, tossing it to some distant corner of the room. Your fingers busy themselves by exploring the expanse of his chest — mapping out the contours and valleys of his muscles, the raised ridges of his scars.

All the while, the incessant battle between right and wrong rages on in his mind. He can stop this — scrap that, he should stop this — right now, but he at the same time, he can’t. Bucky’s being selfish, he knows. This…whatever it is you’re doing together…it’s only going to make things worse. Bucky is only punishing himself, by being with you. He’s going to have so many regrets come morning light, but god, he’s missed this. He’s missed this so much. You are the forbidden fruit he keeps coming back for, the drug he wants running through his veins. He’s drunk on you, addicted to you and the fact that you want him? Well, that’s a miracle in and of itself — he’s powerless to resist your charm.

If Steve were ever to find out about tonight, it’d break his heart for sure. Bucky is convinced that some part of him must truly be evil, because how else could he find it in himself to betray Steve like this? Steve’s his brother in anything but blood, a part of Bucky’s own soul.

And what about you? When you wake up tomorrow morning — god will you hate him? Will you push him away? It’s probably for the best, anyhow.

You pull Bucky out of his thoughts when you grab his hand and manoeuvre it to your back. Bucky is momentarily confused until the tips of his fingers brush against the zipper of your dress and understanding clicks into place. He swallows again, quelling down a fresh wave of nerves.

If he does this, there’s no turning back.

You roll your hips upwards, pressing your thigh against his straining cock and Bucky’s a goner. With a low growl, he pinches the zipper between his fingers and drags it down. Bucky pushes up onto his knees momentarily to help you shimmy out of your dress. It, too, ends up discarded on the floor.

“Fuck, baby,” he breathes, awed by your beauty. His voice is deep and husky, almost unrecognisable, even to his own ears. The lingerie you’ve got on is particularly ravishing; black and lacy, with a whole network of delicate straps that just amplify everything. You look like temptation reincarnated. His dick grows impossibly harder at the sight of you.

You pull him down again, catching Bucky’s lips in another smouldering kiss. His mind goes fuzzy, sex-drunk from your taste. You wiggle a hand underneath you to unclasp your bra and then fuck your bare nipples are rubbing against Bucky’s pecs.They’ve peaked into stiff nubs and Bucky catches one between a thumb and a forefinger, rolling it gently. He eagerly swallows down the moan that punches free of your chest.

“Baby,” you whine, your lips barely breaking the kiss, “C’mon, please baby,”.

Bucky’s breathing catches. You’ve never called him ‘baby’ before, but lord, he wants to hear it again, wants you to call him every pet name under the sun if it means that he can pretend to be yours for the night.

Your hands are at his belt now, fumbling with the buckle. “Off, now,” you growl, your voice low and throaty, your lips brushing against his with every word. Bucky hurriedly complies, divesting himself of his pants, shoes and socks in quick succession. By this point, he’s so aroused that a wet spot is starting to form at the front of his boxers. He’s as hard as a fucking diamond, could probably use his cock to hammer nails.

“Uh, uhhh, fuck, Y/N,” Bucky gasps, as your clever fingers slip under the waistband of his boxers and curl around the base of his cock. You stroke it idly as you press lazy kisses to his neck and collarbone. Your hand is as soft as velvet, your fist tight enough to have his eyes rolling into the back of his head. Bucky bites down on his bottom lip to stifle a moan as your thumb swipes over his sensitive head. He’s achingly hard, desperate to be inside you.

Oh crap.

Bucky hasn’t got any condoms with him.

Sex between you and him wasn’t exactly on his mind when he packed for the trip. Besides, he didn’t think he would need to sleep with anyone for the mission and even if he had to, he could’ve just bought some from a corner shop, or something. Bucky internally curses himself for his lack of foresight — although in fairness, not even in his wildest dreams could he have ever imagined himself in this position. If Bucky does this…he’ll be breaking another one of your rules; no condoms, no sex. Again, although the two of you are no longer ‘together’, he knows he’s going to beat himself up over this tomorrow. It’s another mistake to add to his ever-growing list.

You’re pushing his boxers off his ass, now. Bucky finds himself powerless to stop you and then — fucking hell he’s naked, his bare cock rubbing against your sex, only a thin scrap of lace in the way.

Bucky doesn’t think he can bring himself to take those off you and thank god he doesn’t have to; you hook your thumbs into the waistband of your panties, raise your ass off the bed and slide the skimpy material down your thighs. Bucky drags them the rest of the way down your legs and flings them to the floor.

Fuck. This is it.

You’re naked and spread out for him, all doe-eyes and kiss-bitten lips. Bucky positions himself between your legs and swallows heavily as he takes himself in hand, giving his cock a couple of pumps.

“You sure you want this, Y/N?” he asks softly. Bucky needs to hear it from you. Why? He’s not entirely sure, doesn’t know why he’s bothering, really. You’re drunk off your ass, so your answer’s pretty meaningless, anyway. He can still back out, though, Bucky tells himself. He can leave and pretend that nothing ever happened when morning rolls around. You probably — hopefully — won’t have a single memory about tonight.

“Bucky, c’mon,” you slur, nodding your head in consent as you rake your nails down his torso. “I want you, I need you,”.

Not in the way I want you to need me, he thinks morosely.

Bucky brings a couple of fingers to your entrance and swirls them around, groaning at how dripping wet you are. Fuck — you’re so wet it’s practically leaking out of you, dribbling down to your ass. He can’t bring himself to tease you about it, or talk dirty to you; he can’t make himself growl — low and throaty against the shell of your ear — about what a good girl you are, getting so wet for him. It’s not right. It’s taking things a step too far.

“Bucky, baby, please,” you whine, bucking your hips up into his hand.

Bucky takes a deep breath, steels himself internally, then brings the head of his cock to your glistening folds. You let out a contented hum. Bucky buries himself inside you in one smooth motion, biting down hard on his bottom lip to hold back the string of curses threatening to escape. This is the first time he’s ever gone bare inside you — inside anyone, for that matter — and it’s a billion times better than he thought it could ever be. Never could he have imagined how deliciously good you’d feel around him, silky smooth and snug and hot and so fucking wet.

Once he’s buried all the way inside you, Bucky stills, giving you a moment to adjust to his girth. It also gives him an opportunity to tame the thundering roar of his pulse, reel himself back from the precipice of orgasm. You’re so good, so unbelievably good.

“Baby, p-please,” you mewl, rolling your hips insistently against his.

Bucky firmly believes that you’ll be the death of him.

He starts rocking his hips into you at a slow, leisurely pace, savouring the feel of your pulsating walls around his bare cock. The sensation is unlike anything he’s ever felt before, and Bucky’s brain is going into overdrive trying to catalogue every minute detail about you.

“Bucky, ohhh, baby…yes,” you purr, eyelids drooping shut as you arch your body into his touch. “Oh, you feel s-so good,”.

Bucky leans down to press his lips to yours, licking into your mouth as your hand reaches up to card through his hair. He moans appreciatively when your nails scratch across his scalp. His metal hand travels down your side and grasps your thigh, hitching it up so that you hook it around his waist; this changes the angle of penetration, allowing Bucky to rake the head of his cock across your sweet spot with every movement. You moan wantonly, digging the fingers of your free hand into the meat of his shoulder.

“B-baby,” you pant, throwing your head back in ecstasy as pleasure wracks through your system. “Bucky…oh, ple-please..p-please, d-don’t sto-op,” you stutter.

“You close, Y/N?” Bucky murmurs, brushing his lips over the hinge over of your jaw.

“Y-yes!” you cry, “Yeah—so, so close,”.

“Come for me, then,” he whispers, pressing soft, butterfly kisses down your neck, “Come for me, beautiful,”.

And it is, indeed, quite the spectacle, watching you come undone. Your face contorts into a pretty grimace, your eyes screwing shut as your entire body trembles with the intensity of your climax. Bucky grits his teeth and fucks you through it. He holds his hips flush to your core and rolls his body against yours, his pubic bone grinding into your clit with each sinuous movement. You’re loud, so loud, babbling a string of incoherent words as you ride out the waves of pleasure.

I want you to love me, Bucky thinks, as he watches you come apart beneath him. I want you to love me more than this. More than just this; more than just my body and what it can give you.

The sensation of your pussy walls fluttering around his cock very nearly tips him over the edge. It’s almost impossible, but Bucky manages to hold onto his self control through the thinnest of threads. Your body is boneless and weak as you come off your high, but from the way your mouthing at the hollow of his throat and rolling your hips against him, it’s clear that you’re far from finished.

Bucky’s so goddamn close that he can’t help it now — he’s barely pulling out of the heat of your pussy with each thrust. His hair is a matted mess and rivulets of sweat are trickling down his back. Bucky’s groin is covered with the evidence of your arousal; you’re so wet that lewd squelching noises accompany every pump of his hips. Low, feral grunts rumble free of his chest each time he gets in a particularly good stroke. The earthy smell of sex fills his nostrils. He’s now slamming into you with such force that your breath is being punched out of your lungs every time he buries himself to the base of his cock.

“Uh, uhhhh, uh—Bucky,” you whimper, “Baby, oh m’gonna c-come again,”.

“Yeah?” he growls, bending down to nip at your bottom lip. Bucky’s hands are fisted in the sheets on either side of your head, clenching them so tightly that the knuckles of his flesh have have turned white. Your hands are cupping his jaw, pulling him closer so that you can get at his lips. The kiss is sloppy and wet, more of an uncoordinated clashing of teeth than anything else, but it’s fucking good in its own right. His calculated, well-angled thrusts have given way to something more primal, as his body succumbs to its carnal urges. You hook both legs around his waist, crossing your ankles at the small of his back. Your arms lock behind his neck, keeping Bucky’s face close to yours.

Bucky’s lips never leave your skin. He alternates between kissing your mouth, trailing his lips across your jaw and nibbling gently at the crook of your neck. As he draws closer and closer to the edge of release, Bucky presses his face into your skin, breathing in your addictive scent. The steady slap, slap, slap of his balls colliding with your ass gives way to a more frantic rhythm. Bucky can feel the coil of pleasure tightening in his gut, signalling his impending release.

“Touch me, baby, touch me,” you beg, blindly grabbing for his hand. With a low groan, Bucky brings his fingers to the apex of your thighs, wiggling them around until you inhale sharply, the tips of his fingers having just brushed against your swollen and sensitive clit.

“Come for me, Y/N,” Bucky grunts, as he swirls his fingers through the mess between your thighs, “C’mon, baby, please,”.

“Bu-cky!”

Hearing his name tumble from your lips in a breathless, choked-out cry is what becomes Bucky’s ultimate undoing. His balls draw up tight and his back tenses up as pleasure rushes through his body, radiating outwards from the base of his cock. At the last second, Bucky remembers that he’s not got a condom on — and Christ, if that realisation doesn’t almost give him a heart-attack — so he wrenches himself free of your pussy, twisting to disentangle himself from your legs.

Bucky’s hand immediately closes over his shaft, fist stroking over it at an inhuman speed. He grunts, low and feral from the back of his throat, as ribbons of spunk land on your lower belly, painting it a startling shade of white. Your own body twitches as your second orgasm of the night courses through your system.

He’s breathing heavily once it’s all over, putting up no fight when your fingers close around his wrist and tug him down towards you. Bucky presses his lips to your in a languid, luxurious kiss. You’re pliant and sated underneath him, lips parting easily under the inquisitive probing of his tongue.

When Bucky pulls away, he sees that your eyelids are beginning to droop shut. He gently smooths back the strands of hair clinging to your temples. “Go to sleep, baby,” Bucky murmurs.

You hum in agreement, twisting onto your side and tucking yourself against his body. You reach a hand back, grab his arm and drape it over your waist. Bucky stiffens, unwilling to let himself relax against you. It’s another one of your rules — although the two of you used to have sex together all the time, you’d never actually slept together. You’ve never spent the night in each other’s arms.

He’s broken enough rules tonight, though.

“Y/N, I need to go clean up,” Bucky protests softly, even as you’re entangling your legs with his.

“Mmm, no, stay,” you mumble.

“Y/N—,”

“Please? Just until I sleep?”

Well. He’s come this far, why not allow himself this little luxury? Bucky’s so exhausted, he’s got no fight left in his system to argue with you.

“Okay, baby,” Bucky concedes, settling down against you.

A pleased hum rumbles out of chest as you snuggle against him. “Love you, Bucky,” you murmur, as you drift off to sleep.

It’s so faint that Bucky almost doesn’t catch it — he probably wouldn’t have caught it, had it not been for his enhanced hearing. Though uttered as an afterthought, those three words make the heartache in his chest a million times worse.

Not the way I want you to love me, he thinks.

Bucky’s gaze drifts over your profile, taking in the slope of your nose, the graceful curve of your jawline, the shape of your lips. No words can ever hope to come close to describing your beauty. His heart is crying out for you, yearning to keep you close and make you his.

“Sweetheart, I love you,” Bucky breathes, stroking his fingers down your arm, watching as goosebumps erupt on your skin in their wake. “You might never love me back, and that’s—that’s okay, but I want you to know that I love you. I—I love you the most,”. He wants you to have heard him, yet hopes that you haven’t.

His breathing sounds all too loud and unsteady in the quiet of the room, a sharp contrast to your deep and steady rise and fall of your chest. Bucky is just about to curl up against you and try to catch some sleep when he catches something shimmering out of the corner of his eye.

Your ring.

It’s the glaringly obvious representation of not only your infidelity, but also Bucky’s complicity in that act. That diamond symbolises betrayal and heartbreak, secrecy and deceit.

What, in all of hell, has Bucky just done?

————————————— Tags are open, but I’m only accepting requests from asks or PMs. Tag requests from comments/replies will be ignored.

Dubious consent warning explained: Bucky has sex with Y/N whilst she’s drunk. There is dubious consent from both parties in this instance; Y/N because she is inebriated and therefore can’t make a coherent decision, and Bucky because he’s not 100% certain that he wants to do this, even saying ‘no’ multiple times. At no point is there verbal consent from Bucky, actually. So, can this be viewed as rape? It’s a grey area. I’ll let you come to your own conclusion.

I feel it is very important to state this explicitly - I am not in any way condoning this sort of behaviour, please don’t take it that way. This is purely a work of fiction. In the real world, ‘no’ seriously does mean ‘no’, everybody. If a situation like this has ever happened to you, and you want to talk to someone about it? My PMs are always open.

#annies2kbirthdaycelebration #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes imagines #bucky fanfic #bucky smut #bucky angst #bucky barnes angst #my writing #a messed up place

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pandatypewriter · 7 years

Text

Green Eyed Monster: Daehyun

Hey y’all here is another request that I was suppose to do a while ago! Sorry for being such a slow sloth! (Too lazy to type anymore…fingers hurt TT_TT) Thanks Nonnie for your patience and I hope you like the scenario!

Hi!! Can I get a scenario of a super jealous Daehyun because I baby Junhong sooooo much but me and daehyun are not together however we end up together since we like each other a lot but are afraid to confess first? (Don’t know if this even makes sense lmao)

A/N: Why he so beautiful *o*

You squealed as you held the giant maknae close to your chest. Unknowingly burying the poor boy’s face into your boobs. Though he didn’t mind too much. He was a man afterall. You stared at the screen as you rewatched B.A.P’s cover of Mirotic on MBC. You still couldn’t believe how sexy the boys looked, but you couldn’t help but explode with giddiness at the sight of Zelo being cute yet sexy. It was paradoxical. “Yah, Junhongie! How can you be so precious, but sexy at the same time!?” You unburied his face and decided to pinch the boy’s cheeks instead.

“Cause I’m that amazing.” He playfully squished his cheeks and did a cheesy smile. You wanted to squeal again. Seriously how can this over 6 ft tall giant be so adorable! You loved all the boys to death, but Zelo was special in that he was your cutie baby. You knew Zelo back when he was still a trainee as mini you was shadowing your producer older brother. He had become something like a younger brother to you as you watched him grow and develop his craft so he got special doting.

To most the scene between the two of you was cute and endearing. Except to one man that was sitting at the other end of couch with a glare on his face at the scene. Daehyun wasn’t too happy to see how clingy the two of you were. He never liked it actually. He knew that the two of you were close and Zelo was your giant baby chick so the skinship and closeness wasn’t all to surprising. It only started to bother him when he started grow feelings for you. When he first met you he was shocked to find out you were going to be the producer for B.A.P’s next album. You were so young yet already so talented. And not to mention beautiful. But beyond that you were kind, funny, sassy, and ambitious. At the time Daehyun wanted to hug the maknae and even kiss the kid on the cheek for being so close with you because that meant that you would hang out with the gang outside of the work environment, but now all Daehyun wanted to do was glare a hole into the poor maknae’s head.

“Aish…” Daehyun let out a sigh as he got up from the couch and headed towards the kitchen. Your eyes followed Daehyun at the sound of his sigh, your eyebrows furrowed in confusion at his sudden sullen mood.

Recently you had noticed that Daehyun’s mood tended to sour more frequently and it always occurred when you were around. A small part of you prayed and hoped that maybe he was just having bad day and you just happened to be there. You didn’t want to think or even play with the thought that Daehyun may despise you. Especially when you had a major crush on the boy. You didn’t know when it had developed, if anything you thought you would have fallen for Zelo with how much time you spend time with him, but they did. Maybe it was Daehyun’s infectious laughter, his love and care for his members and fans, that endearing nature of his to always keep those he loves close to his heart. How much cares and is passionate about his music and others, yet at the same time can be such a dork that you didn’t understand how it could be the same person. You didn’t know which part did it for you, but it did. And you fell hard.

“Um I’m going to grab a bottle of water. Do you want anything Junhong?” You removed yourself from the couch and cautiously went towards the kitchen.

“Yes please!” Zelo shouted as he turned his attention back to the other performances.

As you entered the kitchen you saw that a certain grumpy pants was blocking the door of the refrigerator, chugging down a bottle of water like an elephant. “Hey Dae, can you move a bit so I grab some water?”

Daehyun eyed you before he opened the fridge once more, not speaking a word. That concerned you. Daehyun never stopped talking. Sometimes you had to throw pillows at him and Youngjae just to get the two chatterboxes to shut up for 5 minutes. You were about to open your mouth to ask if he was okay. Though a small of part of you feared that the reason he was feeling crummy was because of you. You weren’t wrong, but the reasons weren’t the ones you were thinking of. Daehyun began chugging down all the water bottles he could, making sure you wouldn’t have enough to give Zelo.

“Yah! What the hell Dae!?” You stared at him dumbfounded at his actions. Daehyun simply turned to glare at you, cheeks puffed out full of water. “Pffft, you look so cute!” You couldn’t help but giggle at the sight. He looked like a pouty chipmunk!

At your comment and laughter, Daehyun’s eyes soften as he gulped down the water, but he still wasn’t going let up and give you a bottle of water for you and Zelo. “Sorry, Y/N but it seems like we ran out of water.” You rolled your eyes at the silly, cute fool.

“And whose fault is that?” You put your hands on your hips, eyebrows raised. Daehyun shrugged innocently, causing you to scoff. “Junhongie~ there aren’t any cold water bottles left do you want something else?”

“Hot chocolate sounds great!~” Zelo called from the living room, his eyes fixated on this new dance show that he discovered.

“Okay!” You began to step towards the fridge when a certain Busan obstruction was in the way. “Yah, Dae, I need to go grab the milk.” You slightly whined.

Daehyun didn’t reply and rapidly grabbed the carton of milk from the fridge, causing you to stare at him like a madman. Had he gone completely insane!? He began opening the container, but you lunged at him before his beautiful lips could touch the opening. “Hey Y/N! Stop it! You’re going to make me spill!”

“You stop it! Like what the heck!? Do you plan to eat the entire fridge!?” You began clawing at the carton that Daehyun put high in the air. You weren’t a shortie, but you were definitely shorter than Daehyun. “Ack! Daehyun I swear to God I’m going to dead leg you!”

“I’m a growing boy, Y/N. I need milk!” He countered as one had was raised high in the air, while the other hand held onto your arm to keep his balance.

“Uhgggg! That’s it!” You let out a frustrated groan as you latched onto Daehyun’s arm. “Junhong! It seems like we ran out of chocolate syrup! Daehyun and I are going to go to the market to get some.”

“Wait, we don’t need choco-” You glared at Daehyun to shut up.

“Do you need me to come Y/N?” Zelo called as began shuffling off the couch.

“No, no, we’ve got this!” You kept your tone as pleasant as possible hiding the irritation and frustration that was boiling in you. You dragged Daehyun outside of the dorm, pulling him down the hall to the small patio of their dorm building. “Okay, Dae, what the hell is your problem!?”

“I don’t have a problem.” Daehyun grumbled as he crossed his arms across his chest.

“Oh yes you do!” You let out an exasperated groan, running your hand down your face. “For the past few days you’ve been irritated and grumpy every time you see me. Like if you didn’t like me then just tell me so!” You really hoped. Prayed that that wasn’t the reason for his sour mood, but if it was you would rather have him tell you outright then play this stupid game.

Daehyun’s eyes soften at your words and he slowly let his arms fall to his sides. You looked so angry, frustrated, and tired. He didn’t mean to make you feel like he hated you. Hell if he could all he wanted you to feel was his love for you. But everytime he saw you with Zelo, the green-eyed monster always popped out and took over “Aaaaaggghhh!” He let out a frustrated groan as he squatted down, shaking his head in dismay. “That’s the problem. I do like you….” His voice was a small mumble.

“You what?” You looked down at him, frozen in disbelief. Did you hear him right? He liked you. As a friend? A foe? A lover? At this moment you were so happy you weren’t hated.

“Uhg! It’s just everytime I see you all over Junhong, cooing and doting on him…It’s just annoying as hell to watch…” Daehyun grumbled, looking everywhere else but in front of you. “I get that you guys have history, but you know…” He let out a sigh before gulping in a large amount of air. “I like you a lot so seeing you being all intimate with another guy…well let’s say that I planned to prank Junhong that would embarrass till no tomorrow in retaliation. But it doesn’t even matter anymore…I freackin blew it with my immature butt.”

You couldn’t help but allow a small smile to appear on your face. Daehyun was jealous. Acting like a fool. Plotting revenge. All just because he liked you. You couldn’t help but feel giddy with joy that the love that you thought would never happen beared fruit. You squatted down so that the two of you were at eye level and a small chuckle escaped your lips as you watched Daehyun puff his cheeks out in a pout. You tilted your head to the side to get a better look till you couldn’t resist anymore and poked his cheek.

“You did screw up pretty bad…” You chuckled as the wrinkle between his brows began to form. “But even so, I still like you.” Daehyun’s ears perked up at that and he immediately turned around to face.

“Really!?” He stared at you, jaw dropped and eyes wide with disbelief.

“Yes, of course!” You giggled at his cute reaction. “What I have with Junhong….It’s like a brother and sister relationship. I have a baby brother back in my hometown so I tend to be very doting on people I see as little brothers. Old habits die hard.” You shrugged your shoulders.

“Hmmmmm…” Daehyun pursed his lips in contemplation.

“What are you plotting now?” You cocked an eyebrow, curious at what he would conjure, but also slightly fearful…well for Zelo anyways.

“I’m thinking about whether I would rather have you see me as a little brother than a lover than.” He smirked slightly, flashing you his adorable canine teeth. This was the Daehyun that you loved. Though grumpy Daehyun was cute too.

“I think you’ll like the latter because I don’t do this,” You leaned in and gave Daehyun a kiss on his plump lips. The kiss was slow, sweet, gentle. A Kodak moment kiss. When you parted a smug little grin was on your face. “To people who are my little brothers.” A large grin spread on Daehyun’s face.

“I hope not, or else I might have to kill Junhong instead.” He chuckled, leaning in and giving you an eskimo kiss, his hands holding yours and playing with your fingers.

“Now come on, silly. We still have to go get Junhong his chocolate syrup.” You chuckled as you pulled Daehyun up along with you. Once the two of you were standing, Daehyun immediately wrapped you up in a back hug, his chin resting on your shoulder.

“Should I consider this our first date then?” Daehyun chuckled as he nuzzled into your neck.

“I didn’t know you were so cuddly on first dates.” You chuckled as you attempted to walk with Daehyun clinging to you like a koala.

“Hey, if Junhong gets doted on for being your little brother then I get to be spoiled for being your boyfriend,” You rolled your eyes at his chuckle, but still rewarded the cutie with a peck on the lips. “As my first act as spoiled boyfriend, I refuse to let you be so cuddly and snuggly with Junhong. That is reserved for me.”

“Oh my God, you are so cute when you’re jealous!” You bursted into laughter, pinching Daehyun’s cheek.

Thanks for reading! Comments and feedback are appreciated!

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