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runningfrom2am · 3 months

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cold nights // part eighteen

summary: you showed him colours he knows he can't see with anyone else.

pairing: coriolanus snow x fem!reader

wc: 3.8k

masterlists / nav / requests

tags/warnings: tribute!reader and mentor!coriolanus, r is very sweet (too kind for this world. literally.), sunshine x grumpy trope kinda, he falls first, violence typical for the source material, depictions of mental illness, also she's is very smart (as she should), district twelve!reader.

a/n: hiii posting this early bc bestie and i are ab to start a 24 hour readathon! if i'm not active for the next day, that would be why. anyway wish us luck!! also i didn't edit this as thoroughly as i should have so i'm sorry lol

my asks are also open to talk about this series! (i do have emoji anons open now too!)

send me any and all of your thoughts! here!

series masterlist // playlist

You called out of work indefinitely, after that. You didn't want to quit, you wanted to love your job and you honestly couldn't see yourself doing anything else but right now, you just couldn't. Luckily, the girls who worked down at the library were incredibly understanding according to Lennox, who was sent to deliver your letter of leave and apology.

It had been close to a week when you finally ventured out to the back porch to read rather than rotting in bed all day staring at the ceiling. Your mother made you tea, and insisted she come sit with you. You enjoyed the company.

"Would you like to talk about it?" She asks, just as you're turning the page. Under normal circumstances, you'd resort to Romeo and Juliet, but now you feel like you couldn't stomach it. So, Much Ado About Nothing would have to suffice.

"I'm okay, Ma." You say softly, giving a slight shake over your head as your eyes fly over the faded lettering on the page.

"Lennox told us what happened, you know." She adds after a beat of silence.

You look up at her, frowning. "I'm sorry. He wasn't supposed to tell anyone."

"Don't be, dear." She shakes her head quickly, gently resting a hand on your thigh. "I wish you had told us. I wouldn't have invited him in that day, I could have told you he stopped by and we could have made a plan. I shouldn't have sprung that on you."

You sigh, pursing your lips and closing your book. "I didn't want you to dislike him, that's why I didn't tell you. I thought... I wanted to come home with at least something positive to talk about. And I thought that if I gave it enough time, thinking positively about him, I could try to contact him without seeing... that."

She smiles sadly at you. "You really love him, huh?"

"How could I not?" You admit quietly, staring at the cover of the book on your lap. "He was the first person there to show me kindness, to make me feel like I wasn't alone." You explain. "It felt... Like Romeo and Juliet. Star-crossed lovers, because of course I didn't think I could really have him. I was living in a dream, in a way."

"And now?" She prompts you to continue, thrilled that you are finally opening up.

"Some Cupid kills with arrows, some with traps."

She chuckles, gently rubbing your leg. "So that's a yes, then."

"How I wish it was not." You groan, reaching for your cup to drown your predicament in tea.

"Your brother," She sighs, gently removing the book from your lap. "came home that night just... just shaking with anger. And he looked me and your father in the eyes and said he was going to kill Coriolanus. He was set on it." She explains, and you look at her.

"He said that?" You ask, and she nods.

"I could see it in his eyes, he meant it, and we were so confused. Because, after all, it had been Coriolanus and Sejanus who came to the door seeking help for you, and your father told me Coryo looked like a ghost- bless him." She chuckles slightly.

"What I mean is... Your brother is not immune to violence, either. He would hurt someone for you, I know it. Just because you don't wish him to, doesn't mean he doesn't love you so much that he would do anything." You mull over her statement, chewing passively on your lip. "And boys... boys just do things differently than you and I would. Or Lucy Gray would. I bet if you asked her about Billy Taupe, Tam Amber, or little Clerk Carmine, that she'd tell you they've all had their moments. But boys aren't treated fair in this life, so sometimes, they don't fight fair."

"Coriolanus killed someone, Ma."

"Why?" She asks. "Lennox told me you saw it. Why did he kill that boy?"

"Because..." You shake your head. "He was trying to kill him, first."

"Okay, well-"

"But that I can understand, given the circumstances." You quickly explain, guilt settling in your stomach like a weight as you put your mug back down. "It was after. Bobbin had so clearly already passed on, and he hit him again. It was anger, and it was not necessary. A waste of precious time he didn't have but he did it anyway and that... that scared me."

She hums, listening to you intently. "If it helps, dear, and this is my honest feelings... I still think he is a good man, with a good heart." She says. "I know what you've seen is... gosh, it's unfathomable, and I wish I could take that pain from you, but I really do think that if you still feel anything for him you should talk to him."

Your eyes snap up to hers, and you look scared.

"I've only met him once, but gosh, the way he looks at you, and how he spoke about you, he thinks you put the stars in the sky." She grins, trying to relax you by taking your hand. "No problems have ever solved by hiding. And even if you turn out to be correct, that he's never been who you thought he was, you'll get peace by having answers. And even so, he deserves that peace too."

"I... I'll think about it." You nod softly, reaching for your book again.

"Hello? Boys?" Lucy Gray calls out, walking into the small house Coryo and Sejanus have been occupying.

"In here!" Sejanus calls back, and she follows his voice into the small kitchen where he's attempting to make something to eat.

"Ooh, what's for lunch?" She asks, sitting herself down at the dining room table.

"Eggs... I think." Sejanus laughs. Lucy Gray had been coming by to try and keep them company, and she did really like spending time with Sejanus. Coryo didn't have a whole lot to say, though.

"Yum." She giggles, sitting up straight to look into the pan. "Where's Coriolanus?"

"Guess."

"On the back porch staring at the trees?"

"Pretty much."

Lucy Gray sighs, pushing herself up. "Okay, well, The Covey and I are going to the lake tomorrow. It's a hike out, but it's beautiful. You guys should come."

"I'll be there, but I don't know if we can convince blondie." Sejanus nods toward the back door.

"Oh, I'll convince him." She smiles smugly, brushing past him and out the door.

Lucy Gray finds out quickly that apparently she had guessed wrong- he was sitting on the porch, like he had been every day, but today he was reading rather than just staring out at the mountains. "What are ya readin'?" She asks, standing in front of him.

"Nothing that's any of your business." He grumbles, not looking up from the pages of the worn down book.

She leans over him, attempting to read it upside down. "Ah." She grins. "Romeo and Juliet? Good choice."

"What do you need, Lucy Gray?" He asks, closing the book and glaring up at her.

"I've come to extend and invitation to you, we're all going to the lake tomorrow. I think you should come."

"No, thank you."

She rolls her eyes, arms crossed over her chest. "You didn't chop off all those beautiful gold curls just so you could never see Y/N again, did you?"

His eyes visibly brighten at that, only for a moment. "She's going?" This was the chance he was waiting for. He intended to go to your house that following morning, maybe pick up flowers on the way, a book, or some kind of peace offering, but Sejanus and Lucy Gray shut that down very quickly. Even though he cut his hair almost as soon as he got back to this dump they called a house, they said you still needed time.

"Mhm." Lucy Gray nods, smiling at him knowingly. "She hasn't been working, so I was able to book her for the day."

Had Lucy Gray talked to you about this yet? No. But she knew it would do him some good to get away from this house for a day, whether you were there or not, and she knew that deep down you would want to see him again. A group setting was the best way to do this for everyone. She knew he would be easy to convince, but getting you to agree would be the hard part.

"Okay, okay yeah. I'll come." Coryo nods, looking down. He doesn't know what to do with himself, but he feels like he should be doing something to prepare somehow.

"She's still... sensitive. So be nice."

"I have never not been nice to her."

"Never said you have." Lucy Gray raises an eyebrow at him. "I meant be careful. She may not want to talk to you. I won't tell her you're coming so I can at least get her out the door."

"Why not?" Coryo asks, immediately knowing how stupid that sounds when Lucy Gray lets out a laugh. "I mean, I don't want to scare her off, so she should know. Please be honest with her." He pleads.

Lucy Gray's eyes soften at that. "Okay, you're right. But I'm not tellin' you if she says no. You still have to come." She points at him and he sighs.

"Okay, whatever. Sure."

"You're both just rotting and making it worse for yourselves. You need to get out." She says as she walks back inside, leaving him alone to read.

Coryo smiles to himself as he picks the book up again, continuing where he left off even though he's already read it five or six times.

"You're gonna be fine just fine, Y/N/N. I promise." Lucy Gray assures you as you walk down the path toward the forest where the Covey and Sejanus were waiting. With Coryo.

"I won't let him near ya." Lennox adds, kicking a rock aside as he walks in front of you and your friend.

"Whatever you want, sweetheart. If you want space, tell him. I talked to him about this. He knows not to push you." Lucy Gray whispers to you and you nod, teeth digging into the softness of your cheek.

"I know." You say quietly, arm wrapped around hers. You loved going to the lake, and you've been a couple of times since you've been back, but you'd be lying if you said you weren't hesitant to bring him with you. If it goes poorly, you don't know if you could ever go back.

"Yeah, I gave him a stern talkin' to. Put the fear of god in him, he'll be on his best behaviour." She giggles.

"You didn't actually scare him, did you?" You laugh nervously.

"Of course I did." She says, but you know she's just joking.

"Is Billy Taupe coming?" You ask her after a moment.

Your friend wrinkles up her nose and shakes her head. "No, lord, no." She chuckles. "He's off with that Mayfair. Real class act, they are."

You giggle, squeezing her arm. You take it as they're broken up, at least for now. "I'm sorry, Lucy Gray." You add and feel her shrug under your grip.

"I'm done with him this time." She tells you, shaking her head. "I can't trust him no more."

"One foot in sea and one on shore." You comment and she looks at you, a smile pulling on her lips as she gently pulls you closer, leaning her head on your shoulder.

"Y/N!" Maude Ivory greets the two of you first, running up and throwing her arms around your waist. You jump slightly at the sudden contact, making every effort to catch her with nothing more than a slight gasp and a smile. "I've missed you!"

"Hello, dear." You chuckle, running your hands over the length of her blonde hair. "It's only been a couple of weeks, and you do know where to find me."

"Your friend has a gift for you, come on." She grins, letting you go only to grab your hand and pull you up the rest of the hill.

When Coryo sees you, his instinct is to push his hair back out of his face. That can't happen, so he settles for shifting on his feet and gripping the flower he's holding in his hand as you avoid his gaze and he avoids your brothers. Of course you would hide from him- he doesn't fault you for it. You were nervous, he could tell. And of course Lucy Gray neglected to tell him that Lennox was coming, though, he understood why.

He just wished you were angry at him. That would be far preferable to you being afraid.

"Y/N, hi." Sejanus greets you and you smile at him, giving a quiet wave as you adjust your bag over your shoulder. You packed your book and a blanket with some cherries you picked from the tree behind your house to share with everyone. You can see in your peripheral vision that Coryo has gotten a haircut, but you can't bring yourself to look at him just yet. Or comment on it.

"Alright, let's get movin'! The sun is only up for so long." Lucy Gray claps, not forcing you to have to say hi to Coriolanus before she's urging the group on.

Coryo looks at you as everyone else starts walking, and you nod through everyone to go ahead of you. You hate the idea of having people behind you that you can't see.

Then, finally, your eyes land on him. He smiles, hoping you would want to walk with him.

"Go ahead." You say softly, quickly looking up ahead and Lennox has stopped to wait for you.

"Oh, uh, this is for you." Coryo takes a step closer, holding the yellow daisy out to you that he picked on the walk out. Apparently, you didn't want to walk with him- you just didn't want him behind you. That was a thousand times worse.

You look down at it for a moment, reminding yourself quickly to take it instead of just staring. "Thank you." You reply quietly, delicately plucking the flower from his hold.

"Yeah, of course." He grins, not wanting to give up your attention just yet. "I... I'm really glad you agreed to come."

"It'll be nice. The lake is beautiful." You tell him, glancing over at your brother.

"Come on!" He calls out, impatient. "They're gonna leave us in the dust."

You hold back a sigh as you feel Coryo's eyes on you. You guess you will be walking with him, after all. "Coming!" You smile at him.

It's fine- he's fine. He won't hurt me.

You look up at Coryo, and his eyes are still on you. "Shall we?" He grins, gesturing to the path ahead of you.

Okay, he looks normal. His eyes are normal. Blue, sky blue. Gentle.

"Let us go." You grin at him, holding tightly onto the strap of your bag as it rests across your chest. You look back down at your feet as you walk, mindful of the roots and sticks that may trip or scratch you. You spare a glance at his feet as he joins your side on the narrow path.

Lucy Gray knew that even with her warning that Coryo would likely corner you, but she kept a close eye on you even from up ahead while she talked to Sejanus and practically dragged Lennox along with them so he would give you at least a little bit of space.

You walk in silence for a long time. The trees get thicker as you separate from the meadow and the town, isolating you only further, but you didn't feel unsafe. Not really.

Coryo would take what he could get, but he had to try to talk to you eventually. When he planned out this trip in his head the night before they were set to board the train, he had hoped that the days and nights would be spent together. That you'd say you understood, that you were happy and okay and yes! You would love to take him to the lake you frequented, just the two of you, and 'Oh, we should bring a picnic and just spend the whole day there. It will be so much fun!' And he'd get to see your smile without it quickly fading and he could hold your hand and get that second kiss that he never thought he would receive and everything would be perfect.

He never considered himself much of a dreamer, but something about you made that change. After he got to feel his lips on yours, then on the soft skin of your shoulder and his hands on your waist or locked in yours, there was no going back. He was all yours.

"So," He starts talking after only about an hour of walking. You were almost there, so you took a sharp breath in. You could talk for forty minutes. You could do it. And you wanted to, you remind yourself. "This is quite a hike, isn't it?"

"Oh, yes." You nod. "But we aren't far out now. It's worth it, I promise." You say, eyes still locked on the ground just in front of you.

"Don't get me wrong, it's a beautiful walk, just... long." He comments. "And lots of bugs."

"Yes..." You chuckle nervously.

"What's it like?" He asks, desperate just to continue to hear your voice,

"The lake?" You ask, risking a look up at him. His lips form into a smile and he nods, urging you on. "Well," You swallow, trying to organize every detail you remember from last summer, before the games. "The water is very blue, and quite clear. There's a dock, we have the most fun jumping off of it."

Coryo watches your expression intently, trying to inhale every word. You pause, and your face lights up with remembered joy. "My Pa put a rope swing up here for us kids when we were young, and a few summers ago I went to take it- I climbed as far back up as I could before jumping. Then, I felt the branch jerk and I grabbed it tighter, it ended up wrapped around my leg on the way down and I got stuck." You recall the injury, but you're almost laughing. "I got this massive red burn all up the inside of my thigh, and then Lennox ripped the thing down." You giggle, and Coryo swallows. "He was joking, just pretending to even though it was my own fault, but the branch broke clean off and me and Lucy Gray tried to jump out of the way and ended up falling straight into the water."

He laughs with you at that, shaking his head. "Well, I hope your leg wasn't serious." He watches you and you're quick to shake your head.

"No, gosh no." You giggle. "Not worth pulling the whole thing down over, but it wouldn't have been kind to the next kid who swung- that's for sure. So it was probably for the best."

"Fair enough." He shrugs, eyes still glued onto you.

"I'd rather get a burn then have that big ol' thing fall on Maude Ivory or CC. They were just little at the time." He nods. That sounds just like you.

"So you've been friends for a long time, I take it?"

"Well, yes. Since they got stuck here, pretty much."

"Stuck here?" Coryo asks, looking up ahead at the group that was still just within sight.

You look up as well, just to make sure they weren't in earshot. "The Covey isn't District." You explain, voice lowered. "They used to travel everywhere to perform, but then when they got here peacekeepers rounded them up. Executed all their parents, and the kids got stuck here." You tactically leave out the part about his father being the commanding officer at the time.

"Oh."

"I think that's why Lucy Gray can't get over Billy Taupe." You add quietly, watching your friend as she laughs with Sejanus up ahead. "He's one of them, they have so much history. They're on and off, but she'll never abandon him. Not when they've been through so much together. They're the oldest- they've had to take care of the rest of them for almost their whole lives."

Coryo doesn't know what to say. "That's... yeah. I can imagine it would be hard to move on when they're so tied to each other."

You hum in agreement. "Anyway, we met when they were begging outside the market. They set their instruments up and were playing for tips just so they could eat, so my parents stopped and invited them for dinner. They've been with us ever since."

"Your parents are really good people." He comments.

You look up at him, a small smile tugging at your lips. "I told you that, didn't I?"

"Well, you told me they weren't rebels. That doesn't mean they're saints." He jokes.

"Feels like anyone less than a saint these days is considered a rebel for one reason or another." You argue, but there's no harshness at all behind your tone.

"Regardless, your parents are safe." He says, hoping that you've forgotten about his father being a peacekeeper general.

"Well, thank you." You laugh slightly, shaking your head. "How is Tigris, by the way? And your Grandmother? Have you spoken to them since you've been away?"

"I've called a few times, yeah. They're doing well." Coryo smiles. "Tigris is taking some time off, she's working on some different projects at home."

"I'm glad to hear that." You smile. "They must be missing you."

"So they say, yeah." He chuckles.

"It's hard to be away from home." You tell him. "I know it all too well."

His smile drops steadily, but he just nods. "Yes. At least I have the guarantee of returning."

You try so hard to steer every conversation you have away from the games, but it never seems to work. People have so many questions, so many comments, and it's a shame that Coryo is no exception. You suppose that was inevitable. He's one of very few people who somewhat know what you went through.

You really wish you had met him some other way.

"I'm sorry." He quickly apologizes, sensing your shifted energy. "That was... I shouldn't have said that."

"No, no. It's okay." You insist. "I just... Everyone wants to talk about it all the time. I can't escape it."

"I should have known better. I'm sorry." He says again, taking in a deep breath. "I wanted to be different. I try so hard to not make you think about it and I should have remembered that before I said anything, I just-"

You shake your head, frowning as you look up at him. "I wouldn't expect you to." You tell him. "If I'm honest, you're the one person I think I am okay with discussing it with."

Coryo has to fight back the smile threatening to pull at his cheeks from the relief. You weren't planning on never talking to him again. This was a great sign. He opens his mouth to speak when he hears shouting from up ahead.

"We made it!" Lucy Gray cheers, and sure enough, he can see the lake appearing through the trees.

"Coryo, you gotta see this!" Sejanus's voice follows.

"We made it." You smile, happy to change the subject. "Come on, the water is going to feel so good."

Then, you're jogging up ahead of him and pulling your bag off to leave on the dock.

taglist: @soulessjourney , @that-veela-girl , @dreamyysouls, @rockstarbfs , @maysileeewrites , @baybieruth , @kitscutie , @fratboyharrysgf0201 , @totallynotkaibiased , @stelleduarte , @secretsicanthideanymore , @bejeweledreverie , @drewsandsebastianswife , @niicole-87 , @queenofshinigamis , @innercreationflower , @nallasstuff , @scorpiolystoned , @iovemoonyy , @thatmarvelchick19 , @wearemadeofstardust0 , @regulusblackcore , @puredreamagination , @fantasticchaosthing , @becauseseaotters , @secretsicanthideanymore

okay suddenly tumblr isn't letting me tag more people than this so i just made some cuts unfortunately :') i just left the max amount of people i could whose users i recognized and see in my notifs all the time :) if you're not on here and you should be i'm so sorry!

also this taglist is closed now!! if you’d like to get a notification when i update, turn on my post notifications!! i promise i won’t spam y'all :,)

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justalia · 9 months

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address the feeling

recently i’ve been thinking about my understandings of the law and i decided to read again some of the stuff i read at the beginning of my journey. i’m glad i did because i now have a deeper understanding of what i thought i understood before, but actually never truly grasped its full meaning.

i have to be honest with you sometimes i still have my moments of anxiety, i still have my mind wondering if i’m doing things right and once in a while i still ask myself if i’m doing enough. shocking right? from my posts you may be thinking that there’s no one that understands the law better than me and you may be thinking “she must have the most perfect self concept i can’t wait to get there”

truth is: we are all humans at the end of the day and we are gonna have our moments, no one is better than anybody and the fact that my posts have helped people fill my heart with joy because i do not think of myself as a teacher, i merely try to share the notes of what i studied for myself and try to write it in a way that can reach anyone easily.

i haven’t felt inspired to post something in a while now, i was just numb cause i thought “there’s nothing else i could possibly share my thoughts on” and i have drafts of posts i have started writing but never finished because i didn’t feel called to do it and i don’t like to force myself to write something.

all my posts come from a burst of inspiration and i write them all at once (or at least i try) seizing the moment in which i feel the most inspired.

this being said what i’m about to address in this post is probably the most important teaching i have come across while reading the source and reading some material again has struck me with inspiration.

————————————————————————

“feeling is the secret.”

what does that mean?

to say that feeling is the secret is to say that feeling is the womb in which all things are born, when felt an idea has to be expressed whether you like it or not, unless you change the feeling and fuse your imagination with its opposite.

you see your physical world has no way of existing if it wasn’t for your imagination, it reflects that and the ideas you believe to be true.

“yeah alia you’ve said that”

i know i know, i have addressed this, these are the basics, but bear with me.

pay attention to what i’ve just said “it reflects the ideas you believe to be true”.

how tiring does that sound? does that mean we have to change our beliefs? does that mean we have to do shadow work and see what ingrained belief we have to dismount?

it doesn’t.

self is what we believe to be true and what gets reflected? self.

inevitably when we start to think about this we think we have to find a magical way to change our beliefs and to trick our mind into believing something new about ourselves or we pretend in hopes to fake it till we make it. we begin this journey prepared to train ourselves, prepared to do dozens of techniques and we fill ourselves with hope.

self is what we believe to be true in this world of imagination, our beliefs get reflected and this is why not every single thing we imagine gets reflected. yes, imagination gets always reflected and it happens instantly, but for that to happen you must believe in the reality of said idea.

what is a belief?

a belief is something, an idea, a concept YOU feel to be true. you is the key word because the sole operant power is you, in your life your world operates according to your assumptions, in your life there is no other creator but imagination, YOUR imagination.

a belief is something you feel to be true because a belief it’s just an idea and it’s powerless until we feel it to be true.

why do we feel it to be true? we decide it is.

you decided that your friend was rude to you because they don’t want to be your friend anymore; you decided that your partner was losing feelings because they were distant one day; you decided you were going to fail the test even if days away because you didn’t feel good enough.

you decided the reason your friend was rude to you was because they didn’t want to be your friend anymore, even if just yesterday they asked you to hang out.

you decided the reason your partner was acting a bit distant today was because they are losing feelings, even if just yesterday they said how much they loved you and bought you flowers.

you decided you were going to fail the test before you even started studying for it because you decided you weren’t smart enough, even if the last test you did went beautifully.

you have been making decisions dismissing the senses your whole life and probably occupying states that do not serve you at all without even realizing it. you have misused your power for so many years it feels too good to be true to finally realize it’s all in your hands.

to decide that your friend was rude because they don’t want to be your friend is just as easy as deciding they just had a bad day and accept that as true.

to decide that your partner is losing feelings because they are acting a bit distant today is just as easy as deciding they just were busy today and accept that as true.

to decide that you’re going to pass the test and that you are smart enough is just as easy to accept as true.

how? how can i accept that as true if reality is showing me the opposite? how can i accept it as true if i failed in the past?

we always disregard appearances, we always disregard and dismiss the senses and accept things as true based on our imagination. there is no outside reality because the true reality is within and as within so without. you accepted it as true and now it is expressing in your life, your mirror is just reflecting what you decided to be true, you had no other proof when you started assuming those negative things about yourself and about others.

think about it! when you first started worrying your partner was losing feelings, did you have proof of it? did you have concrete proof that made you think they wanted to dump you? i think you made an assumption, decided it was true hoped with all your heart it wasn’t, but felt it to be true and soon you were provided with proof and there you go: “just like i thought”.

you decide everything all the damn time!! trust me this is nothing new, the thing is that when it comes to positive things we want to believe to be true we think we need proof, and what is proof? the permission to believe something as true. the 3D never played a part in this, when it came to you assuming negative things about yourself or about others you didn’t think about how it wasn’t true on the outside, did you? when you started feeling insecure in your relationship and worried they would dump you, did you think about how it wasn’t “real” on the outside? did you worry about how the outside was opposite so it couldn’t possibly be true?

no, you didn’t.

you decided it was true, trusted it, dismissed the senses even when completely opposite and soon enough the universe, god, whatever you believe in, provided proof for you.

the power we have is the power of dismissing the senses, the power of deciding what is true or not. and you do that using imagination as your instrument. yes, imagination gets expressed but imagination is not just the silly little scenarios you make up, imagination is your mental activity and what gets expressed is what you believe to be true in imagination.

again when it came to negative stuff you were well aware that the outside was opposite from what you believed to be true but you didn’t care one bit and it still manifested into your life. your lover was distant one day, you assumed they lost feelings, the next day they tell you how much they love you and you assume they are lying, you assume the outside isn’t as true as what you believe to be true inside.

you sustain that feeling, you trust it, and it gets expressed.

you never actually waited to look at your partner and see them telling you they were losing feelings before you assumed they were. you never worried about what the 3D was showing you, you never CARED for it.

when you assume something new about yourself and you imagine yourself to already be the one you wish to be you do so because by imagining you are experiencing it in the true reality. imagining it to be already realized helps because your imagination is a tool, it’s an instrument that makes it easier to trust the new idea you decided to assume about yourself because you actually experienced it.

when you imagine yourself in a new state and you do so by, for example, conjuring up a scene, you do so because you want to experience what you desire. you want to live it, you want to experience it and feel it to be true, that’s what the scenes are for, you visualize a scene that implies your objective realized and you indulge in that peacefully enjoying it.

you don’t have to necessarily visualize scenes, affirm, or do this or that technique. these are just tools, methods you can use to use your imagination in a way that is most comfortable to you. for example i am naturally a visualizer so to get myself in a new state sometimes i find it helpful to conjure up a scene that implies my objective realized and experience it, i enjoy it fully and when i open my eyes i trust the implications of that scene to be true, i just experienced it, who’s gonna tell me i didn’t?

what you need more than anything is to give yourself permission to trust in the reality of imagination, that’s the only thing you need.

yes, you are allowed to believe you are good enough for that job; you are allowed to believe you are safe and secure in relationships; you are allowed to believe anything you want no matter how far fetched it might seem.

you can be so bold with your scenes, or your affirmations. you imagine the most perfect scene or say the most wonderful affirmations but i dare you to be as brave with feeling as you are with your scenes and your words.

i dare you to accept it is true, i dare you to believe it is true because you said it is, and then again i’m not talking about the outside!!! i’m talking about imagination because imagination is the only reality. if it is true in imagination and it is because you can just DECIDE it is, then it’s truth. there’s nothing more to do on your part, you just sustain that state and everything else will take care of itself.

free yourself entirely in your mind and accept as truth whatever you desire to be true about yourself, you can imagine yourself to be confident, smart, beautiful, loved, cared for and you can give yourself permission to accept it to be true inside of imagination and see yourself exactly how you want to see yourself.

stop caring about how it’ll happen or if it will happen or what will happen and just FEEL.

FEEL WHATEVER YOU TRULY WANT TO FEEL.

address the feeling

what do i mean by that?

pay attention to your mental activity for one day and see where your mind wonders naturally, that will tell you your current state.

let’s say you get ugly thoughts, you think you’re not enough and that you are going to fail the test you have in two weeks. pay attention to your mental activity and see how the thoughts FOLLOW the feeling, and not viceversa. first you get the feeling of unworthiness and then you start thinking “i’m not enough i will fail i can’t do this”, there is no inherent truth in those thoughts.

it may be difficult to notice at first but everything starts from a feeling and then the thoughts follow. there is no thought you have to flip because they hold no truth and no power by themselves, they are simply a manifestation of your FEELING.

fearful feeling gives birth to fearful thoughts. anxious feeling gives birth to anxious thoughts. lonely feeling gives birth to thoughts of loneliness. insecure feeling gives birth to insecure thoughts.

the only reason why you believe something to be true is because you FEEL it. there’s no actual truth in those fearful, anxious, insecure thoughts.

YOU FELT FEAR and the fearful thoughts came along and then you started worrying about them manifesting into your life. YOU FELT INSECURE and the thoughts of insecurity and unworthiness came alone and you started feeling bad about yourself and unworthy of your desire.

just as easily as you felt insecure you can feel secure, just as easily as you felt fear you can feel safe.

you create the feeling you desire to feel and you indulge in that, you FEEL it because why would you deny yourself of such experience if you can have it?

why would you deny yourself from experiencing what you want in your own mind? why would you create blockages? why don’t you feel what you want to feel? because you are scared? scared of what? of it not working? working for what?

this is not a method for fuck’s sake. this is not a technique!!! this is how you are living, this is how you have lived and how you’ll always live.

change your feeling, allow yourself to feel what you want to feel and thoughts will naturally come from that, and from thoughts will come actions and from actions will come events. NATURALLY.

there’s no work on your part, meaning that you don’t have to worry about what you need to think or do, you will naturally do that. and this goes for opposite action too: if you’re manifesting to pass all your tests with straight A’s and you go and decide to sit on your ass all day without studying you are still messing with the how! you are pretending you have something IN THE MIRROR when you DON’T! you have it in imagination ONLY. your job is to change self and you don’t change self by pretending or acting as if you have something in the mirror.

your job is to simply FINALLY give yourself permission to actually FEEL.

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lazyneonrabbitt · 8 months

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Bears on the road

Literal translation of a Dutch figure of speech, meaning ‘to see problems way bigger than they actually are’, usually with a lot of stress beforehand that in hindsight wasn’t needed.

Carmen Berzatto x Reader [pt.2]

Talk of anxiety attacks and getting rid of them. Reader's first three visits to The Beef.

~~☆☆☆~~

You had been at The Beef four times before ending up in Carmen’s apartment.

The first time was years ago on a trip.

Your companion had taken you there and you had the best food of the entire trip that day and the pretty guy behind the counter tried to flirt with you. Mikey, you thought his name was.

The second time was now that you had returned to the area for your studies.

The ratty ass building you live in was horrible, but the only place you could afford for now. You remembered the place and decided to go look if it was still open, and luckily it was.

There was a different guy behind the counter this time, who greeted you ..loudly. Going up to the counter you ordered a sandwich and sat down, pulling out your laptop to get some work done. It sucked that you had to get such a huge file ready to present on your first day, and with you such a perfectionist you started immediately when you got the welcome assignment. You had everything sorted out neatly into folders, your full project file over twenty-five pages long and every bit of source material carefully and properly linked. Since it would be too difficult moving your entire desktop setup across states you had gotten your current, high-end laptop and uploaded every last bit of your project to your Drive account that had been your saving grace more than once over the years. While you waited for your food to be made you decided to read over some parts of your file again to check for any spelling mistakes seeing you didn’t actually have to download the file to preview it. Opening your Drive account and heading over to the right folder and tap the file to open it, only for your reflection in the dark mode text previewer to stare back at you. The small window in he middle of your screen popping up, reading “File cannot be opened. Corrupt Data.”

Eyes wide, the words glare back at you. CORRUPT DATA. No fucking way. FILE CANNOT BE OPENED. You checked the upload, it finished all the way.

You try again. The same error staring at you, screaming at you CORRUPT DATA. FILE CANNOT BE OPENED. Shit. Shitshitshitshit. The words became blurry as tears welled in your eyes, breathing becoming more and more difficult with every count of days, weeks, months even, you spent working on this huge thing that was due in two days.

You didn’t even notice the man at the counter calling out for you to come grab your sandwich. Didn’t realize he had gotten away from said counter with a plastic tray containing your sandwich until he placed it on your table a little too loudly. The harsh, sudden sound caught you so off guard it kicked the oncoming panic attack info full gear.

The man quickly shot into action, sitting down, a hand on your shoulder trying to get you to look at him and tell him ..something, anything. But he really had no clue how to handle this.

“Cousin!” He called out, but not before turning away from you as o not yell directly at you. No response. “Help!” He added after a short, but according to him, too long moment.

His hand kept rubbing small circles on your shoulder, hoping he was at least doing something for you.

“shit,” You heard another voice, slightly further away. “Richie go grab her some water.” And the hand on your shoulder disappeared and the man, Richie, was replaced by the other one with the soft but direct sounding voice. This one didn’t immediately try to touch you, first hovering his hand above yours, carefully giving you a moment to shuffle away if you needed and only after you didn’t, take your hand and slowly move it away from you. “Can you breathe with me?” He was a lot calmer than counter guy. Name, what was it again? Water, yeah he got you water. You needed water? With your hand being moved by the new person, stopping you from completely clenching your arms around yourself you slowly moved your head upwards, breathes still erratic and difficult. You were staring at your hand now, well, a rough, tattooed hand that was holding yours. “Hey,” again that softer voice. “Squeeze my hand if you hear me.” Squeeze his hand. Yes. You did as he said and he took his other hand to the fold of your elbow, placing a single finger on your skin. “Breathe with me,” he took a loud, deep inward breath as he brushed his finger over the length of your forearm down to your wrist, and again a loud, deep outward breath while dragging his finger back up your arm. “Can you do that?” You squeeze his hand to say yes and close your eyes completely again to try and focus. He repeats his previous motions, breathing together with the movement of his finger on your skin. It takes some time but after a bit your breathing has evened out, just some sniffles left that would fade later as well.

You hadn’t dared to look up yet out of embarrassment but you really wanted that water now. The counter guy brought you water. You swore you could drink an entire ocean. Oceans not even as blue as the eyes staring back at you right now. Wow what? Who? You blinked a couple of times to really come back to earth after everything and now those eyes were clearly a part of a very cute guy with messy curls and a smile that could cure anyone’s bad day. “Welcome back.” Already he was holding out the glass of water to you, motioning that you should really drink something now that you calmed down and you did. You gulped down the whole glass before setting it down and seeing your forgotten, now cold sandwich. You frown at the wasted food as your stomach grumbled. The man followed your gaze and quickly figured out the source of your frown, easily coming up with a solution.

“You still hungry? I’ll go get you a new one.” He got up from the chair he had pulled up beside you, straightening out his apron. “On the house, yeah?” With half a turn and a hand motioning towards the door leading to the kitchen he looked at you waiting for an answer before walking off as you nodded, agreeing with the new sandwich.

By the time he came back you had put away your laptop, not wanting to deal with it anymore and focus on the food.

He lingered for a moment, making sure he caught your first bite, and how glad he was he did stay as your eyes widen with that first bite, looking down at the sandwich in your hands in disbelief. You looked up and caught him staring, covering your mouth with one hand holding back a laugh with your mouth still full. You made haste chewing and swallowing it down. “Holy shit,” You exclaim, pointing at the food in your other hand. “This is insanely good.” A small bow as thanks was given before he slipped back into the kitchen.

You kindly bring back your trays and one cold sandwich from earlier and et them on the counter before saying goodbye and making your way to the front door until a voice calls you back.

Moving rom behind the corner, you’re handed back the sandwich, wrapped up in to-go paper. “Take it, i promise you it still tastes amazing when you microwave it.” You accept it and put it in your bag with a thank you. "Oh, by the way," he continued again. "You had that shit on Drive or whatever it's called, right? Why not call whoever has your stuff on their computer and put it up again? That's how that shit works right?" Even though his advice came out as a string op questions you couldn't believe you hadn't thought of that. You thanked his again and this time really make your way out of the door, grabbing your phone and dialing home.

You were definitely coming back to The Beef.

The third time you came in was after your introduction day that went exceptionally smooth after fixing your file issue with Richie’s advice.

You debated going in since you could barely afford rest and instant noodles this month, let alone one of The Beef’s amazing sandwiches that you had been craving all day. You were absentmindedly walking back to your apartment, except somehow your legs had let you to where your stomach craved to be and had you standing in front of the restaurant instead.

With a sign you walked in and were immediately greeted by Richie. He smiled and recalled your order from last time with a raised eyebrow and a finger pointed at you in question. “Hi, yeah that’s right.” You smile back, walking up to the counter. “So, I wanted to thank you for last time. That calling home idea of yours was, it fixed my problem. They uploaded everything again and it worked. So, thanks.” You fished some money from your wallet and put it on the counter, paying for the order he had technically placed for you.

You weren’t sure if he was working today, so you asked Richie to thank Carmen for showing you his way of calming down. Since there was no one at the register you told him how you managed to keep a full blown panic attack at bay with it. Richie only smiled at your story before he was calling over his cousin once again, who had already realized you were there because of the little note that was left on the order receipt and he had taken it upon himself to bing you your sandwich so he could see how you were doing.

You ended up sitting together at your table, you enjoying your sandwich and Carmen enjoying your storytelling. He ended up sitting with you throughout his entire break, sans smoking time and you parted ways again. Him retreating back to the kitchen as you placed your empty tray back on the far end of the counter, Richie sending a knowing wink your way with a nod towards the kitchen. You rolled your eyes at him as you went on your way.

~~☆☆☆~~

A/N: I promise I have no clue how do write panic attacks so I apologise if its all fucky!! Part two is being written already so, hopefully soon~

#sometimes i write #the bear #fx the bear #the bear hulu #carmen berzatto #carmy berzatto #carmen berzatto x reader #carmen berzatto imagine #carmy berzatto x reader #carmy berzatto imagine

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ivesambrose · 4 months

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🤍 JANUARY 2024 FORECAST 🤍

Use sidereal rising and moon

DM or email me at [email protected] to book a personal reading 🤎

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Aries : your entire being is focused on career or studies, finances and the material aspects of your life this month. You want to be back with a bang and waste no time. Earlier you may have felt like you had lost an opportunity that was going to bring you a lot of wealth or would have benefitted you in terms of your future goals or career but you'll realize that one door closed and another one opened that led to something far better. That likely you were going to settle for something smaller but the universe had other plans. If you had made investments previously expect sudden gains or if you choose to invest you'll see gains later on this year. Emotionally however, you might feel like your cups are empty or you aren't tending to them as much. You might have a moment of purging of grief that you've been carrying which will bring you catharsis. Some of you might be worried about your mother's health, if you're female please tend to your hormonal health and try to reduce your stress levels. Lastly, don't bite off more than you can chew.

Taurus : You'll regain your childlike optimism, finding little reasons to be happy, expecting good the best instead of the worst. You'll also be excited about the several opportunities or options in front of you that you will manifesting. You'll feel very close to your friends and family, you'll have an event to bond better with them. You have lot of ideas that are unconventional in nature and you'll feel tempted to act on all of them and you likely will. You'll have a lot of energy but that might also lead to burn out so be remain cautious of your Physical health especially if you're working out at the gym. Emotionally you'll be feeling estatic likely due to wealth, business opportunities, indulging in some luxuries, spoiling yourself etc mostly you'll be too focused on your own joy and beauty to fixate on anyone else at the moment. You'll also be more sensitive to intuitive downloads, you'll feel as though a higher force is looking over you and is guiding you when it comes to your life path. Hold your head high.

Gemini : You might feel as though people are little judgemental of you or don't exactly see eye to eye with you when it comes to your career prospects or creative ventures. You aren't sure who wants to help you or take credit for whatever you do. You want to march to the beat of your own drum but you might feel unsure or even fickle minded by what lies ahead. You don't know which path to choose or if you're making any progress. That might lead to some anxiousness. You're advised to calm your head and clear the clutter of your surroundings. You don't want to hear it but you're indeed thinking way too much and acting way too little and thus you remain stuck. Help will be available when you least expect it and stop looking for it. Fix your sleeping schedule and try doing some gentle eye and head massages. Look at the bigger picture. You might get opportunities to travel by end of this month that will be an entire energy shift and could be a possible game changer for you as well.

Cancer : You've been working too hard the past few months, it hasn't brought you the exact results that you hoped it would. You're starting this year finding balance between work and hobbies/me time. Some of you might even get an extra source of income however. You may have romance coming in as you focus on the softer aspects of your life. There might be someone who instills faith and power within you, maybe they aren't around you, could be someone from afar. But they want to see you win at any cost and will push you towards your best. You'll end up having a wish granted somehow, something you have been hoping for will come true. There's a cycle of suffering that is as tight as a knot that you'll be cutting through and free of. You'll receive unexpected help from a friend or a place you've spent your childhood.

Leo : You'll be climbing the ladder of success, there is Inevitable progression in whatever you're working towards. You'll be catching up with old friends and even making new ones. They will encourage you in different aspects of your life and you'll learn a lot from them you might be studying something like a new language or something to do with geography, animals or even farming. The money you spend will come back to you but do spend wisely regardless. Some of you might be getting married or committed. Others of you may have some discord or shortlived strife to deal with. Maybe people competing with you for no reason or arguments at home. Eitherway, you'll be focused on the positive and being as radiant as ever.

Virgo : You're seeing this month as the opening of a movie you haven't seen. In other words, you're treating this as a whole new chapter, you don't want to carry a single old energy or thought process into this year. You're in awe of your own journey. You're preparing yourself for an adventure. You might be writing, documentating, reading, interacting and even learning new skills or languages a lot. Some of you might be preparing to relocate or leave a place. Emotionally, you'll be feeling very fulfilled you might be having suitors, you may fall in love, have someone fall for you or might just find your reason to fall in love with life. Wealth and financial opportunities from overseas will be a big theme too. Start preparing yourself for your new life.

Libra : A new work opportunity that leads you to relocate or leave one thing behind for something better. Mostly I'm seeing something has worked out for you when it comes to your finances so you can allow yourself to lead with your heart and explore spirituality a little more. You'll be maturing as well and taking more accountability when it comes to how you act and what you say or excuses you make and change certain behavioural patterns. I see you looking forward to spending more time with your friends or attending a social gathering or event you'll feel some relief and allow yourself to have fun instead of wanting to control every aspect of your life and seeing it go out of balance. Go and live.

Scorpio : Dedicated work, practice, effort, diligent labour, all if it will add up and pay off for you. Maybe enjoying or self care aren't even your priority at least for this month. You sincerely do have a lot on your plate, you do want to collaborate or simply make substantial progress. This can be anything at all but it will bring you a lot of emotional fulfilment Inevitably. Nothing much to add except, that you be less harsh on yourself and don't ghost the ones who care for you. Cater to that side of you that too wants to be heard & held.

Sagittarius : A particular uncertainty or excess load that you've been carrying will come to an end. There's a matter that will be resolved. You'll feel extremely thankful for it, because you got what you wanted so now you can walk ahead or away from what had been making you feel 50 - 50 for quite some time. It felt like you were the only one giving it your 100 but the outcome wasn't what you had hoped for. I see you being guarded or keeping certain matters to yourself, this could be your long term plans and investments. You might catch a break and revisit old hobbies, places, friends or an interest you had abandoned.

Capricorn : You need to rest or you'll face extreme levels of exhaustion. You might be feeling the need to slow down, feeling more sleepy too, check your vitamin D levels, try and get some sunlight if you can. Dip your feet in warm water and look after your feet in general there might be some heartache or betrayal, might just be memories from the past, there's some ache you carry or have been carrying for quite a long time. You've expressed it but now you feel empty. I do someone being a balm to your heart, might be a fated person you encounter you'll be encouraged to heal your inner child, indulge in some whimsies, day dreaming, walking barefoot in nature and eating more wholesome organic meals. There will be people who treat you with the same kindness you show them too.

Aquarius : You'll be feeling comforted and loved. So anyone else's ill intentions or projected negativity won't matter. Things have started looking up for you slowly but surely, so you're at a place in your life you really do priotrize your peace over anything else. It's simply not worth it, paying heed to anyone's repetitive drama, to people who can't commit and won't progress beyond 3 days of effort. You might be spending time with animals or a pet, you'd feel really connected to them. You'll find happiness seeing others be happy or getting what they want. You might visit some art fairs, museums or start painting or drawing again as well. Mostly for yourself since you're happy with how far you've come so there's no need to rush anymore.

Pisces : Stability and happiness, finally. This can come in the form of a wedding, better relationship with your spouse or loved one or even family, finances improving, health improving etc a combination of all. After a long time, you can be at ease. Sudden increase in fortune or business is also extremely possible, travel is also in the cards, you'll also see the luck of the people you care for or befriend, increase. You might be prone to skin issues however, so please opt for hydrating products also stay warm and do your stretches.

©️ 𝓘𝓿𝓮𝓼𝓪𝓶𝓫𝓻𝓸𝓼𝓮

#tarot community #divination community #january 2024 #January Forecast #tarotscope #horoscopes #astro messages #messages for the signs #free readings

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artificialconditions · 1 month

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fanfiction should be accessible to shitty writers. if you find yourself on ao3 thinking “wow most of this is bad” and “these people could never be real authors” then like. i don’t know. too bad? go read a novel. and i don’t say that to be snarky i just mean it. shitty fanfiction will always exist and always has. not every piece will be in perfect conversation with the source material and that’s fine. most of it is not written by people with literature degrees. but most of it is written out of a deep and genuine love or at least interest in the source. that doesn’t mean every fanfiction writer has the skills to write a professionally published novel. many do but many don’t. the same could be and has been said for a lot of traditionally published authors.

furthermore i think the increase in shitty, cash-grabby books (which, i don’t know, has there really been an increase or are we just paying more attention to it? there have always been bad books.) is less to do with fanfiction authors writing books and more to do with the ever-increasing need for content by publishing houses/companies.

i want people to keep writing shitty fanfiction and i want them to get love for it too. i don’t want them to feel discouraged from even trying. especially when they’re really not hurting anyone by writing about something they love and wanting positive attention for it. how else are they going to discover writing. how did You discover your love for writing? did you learn to be a better writer because you kept doing it and were encouraged or because people constantly shit on what you were doing wrong? all you’re encouraging people to do is not try. like. i don’t know. i think even a fanfiction you think is bad can be taken seriously if the author wants you to. i don’t know. am i making sense. i don’t know.

#op #and this is more than just like #fanfic writers don’t need criticism #i’m not saying that. there’s stuff you can criticize especially when an author is asking to be taken seriously #but i wish we could do it more with love and wanting the writers to be better than out of like. hatred for people who don’t know #what they’re doing yet #lol #idk

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thursdayisbetterthanfriday · 6 months

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Science Fiction as a Reflection on Society - PLUTO & The Cycle of Hate

MAJOR SPOILER WARNING -You can read this before reading PLUTO but it will spoil many major plot points!

In 2015, I picked up a manga volume in a London bookshop called PLUTO. I had a burgeoning interest in AI, and computer science, at the time and had read Naoki Urasawa's manga Monster many years prior. It seemed a perfect read. Little did I know, it would become my favourite manga.

As I read the first volume I realised this wasn't just a simple Astro Boy adaptation. Like many of Urasawa's stories, PLUTO was a layered story which took its source material and asked fundamental questions about its premise.

The more innocent veneer of the Astro Boy world was stripped away, and echoes of the Middle East, of Afganistan, Iraq and Palestine, were transposed into the background of what was on the surface a simple detective story plot. The long memories, and relentless logic, of robots became a means by which conflict could be examined, but also a way to reveal the weaknesses in the non-empathetic nature of robotics and AI.

Instead of a traditional manga and anime trope of beating the strongest villain against the odds, it became a tragic, yet hopeful, story about the long-tail effects of trauma and how our memories of the past, remembered or misremembered, shape our present.

Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it

From the 1980s Soviet invasion to the modern day US involvement in the Middle East, the trauma of the conflict had lasting impacts on both the invaded countries, and those who invaded. Talented people, who at peace could have done and produced great things, were reduced to administering corrupt governments, fighting occupying forces and wasting their lives on a fractious peace based on subterfuge and realpolitik.

Robot Mont. Blanc, killed in the opening part of PLUTO acts as the introduction of this theme. A deeply environmentalist robot, who was beloved by mountaineers and children alike, was sent to fight in a war whose values conflicted with his own.

Despite his experiences, he went on to live in his old life - tending to and caring for the Swiss Alps and those who lived within them, but was ultimately killed by a mysterious perpetrator.

This theme is carried through with all the "greatest robots on Earth", who are targeted by PLUTO, and who all are trying to make something of their lives after the end of the conflict, most of whom have managed to shake off the negative experiences of their past - while still being haunted by it.

During the gradual decolonization of the colonial powers of Europe in the Middle East, there existed periods in the Middle East of relative calm and stability. People were able to life affluent, and prosperous lives without the threat of violence and revolution - with collaboration between US, European and USSR workers and those who lived there allowing for the construction of infrastructure and advanced manufacturing facilities.

But what about those who can't deal with their past. What about those who are deeply damaged?

PLUTO - The Greatest Trauma on Earth

MAJOR PLOT SPOILER WARNING

So what is PLUTO? Who is PLUTO? He is nothing more than a robot who loves flowers, created by the Persian scientist Dr Abullah. His love for the plant makes him want to plant flowers across the country, to fill it with beauty and richness. He is someone with hopes, and dreams, to make a beautiful world which can be enjoyed by the people who live there.

At least, that's what he used to be.

As the 39th Central Asian Conflict drags on, Dr Abdullah become bitter and resentful at what has happened to his country. A once proud nation reduced to rubble and ruin. Instead of encouraging his robotic son to plant flowers, he fills his son with a vast hatred against those who have committed violence against his people.

The son who wanted nothing more than to make the world a better place is indoctrinated by his father into a being of pure rage, while fully knowing his previous self. The two sides of his personality ripping and tearing at each other in a self-contradictory nightmare.

Just as PLUTO is turned into a loathing monstrosity by his family, upbringing and situation - so too are those who live, fight and die in conflicts. Both the 2023 murder of innocent Israelis by Hamas, and the subsequent murders of innocent Palestinians by Israel have no doubt radicalised a new generation of martyrs, while their leaders - those meant to be inspiring and running the country in their name - directly encourage mass murder on both sides.

In Afghanistan, the hopes of a democratic society were undermined by a corrupt Western imposed system which broke down into Taliban rule in 2022. Collaborators killed or tortured. Women, once again, forced into roles they had broken out of.

But this cuts both ways.

In Afghanistan, both the Soviet invasion of the 1980s and the US/Coalition invasions of the 2000s led to a surge in Western soliders who came home from war angry, disillusioned and in mental and physical pain. Sometime from IED amputations, sometimes from PTSD and severe mental health issues.

Some survived the war, only to transfer their trauma to others at home or to end their own lives at their own hands. A generation of young military lives lost.

The Politics of Hate

Newton's third law states: Each action has an equal, but opposite, reaction. This often occurs socially.

This is ever present in PLUTO with the Anti-robot league. That robots have any rights at all is anathema to these people, who organise a conspiracy to destroy the social fabric of robots in society through targeted assassinations and hatred.

Through their actions, they aim to convert others to their cause and roll back decades of progress in the world of PLUTO.

This occurs in reality just as readily.

The 9/11, 2001 Twin Towers bombings brought together the American people in sorrow, but they also led to the enabling of war.

It didn't matter that Saudi Arabia had allowed Osama Bin Laden to live, and plan, in their country prior to the attacks. It was Afghanistan and Iraq that were targeted on the most spurious of grounds. This was enabled, in part, by swathes of the public who wanted a form of revenge but was mainly supported by neo-cons in government.

The two sides of the coin in Gaza are Hamas, with their backers, and the hard right Israeli government.

Hope

Despite the past, hope and recovery are still possible. This is what the story of North #2 and retired composer Paul Duncan reveals to us. An early inclusion in the manga, it also reveals some of the lighter themes of the work.

Paul Duncan's memories of his childhood, and his perceived Mother's abandonment of him to boarding school and almost terminal illness have coloured his entire life. When we meet him, he is a bitter old man who has a writer's block, and has taken on the ex-military robot North #2 as his butler.

But as the story reveals, Duncan's memories are coloured by his misconceptions of events. As North #2 learns to play the piano, against Duncan's wishes, he reveals the notes of the song that Duncan has been humming from his sleep - a song Duncan's mother used to sing to him as a child. It turns out that Ducan's mother didn't abandon him for a rich husband, but used that husband's wealth to pay for his expensive life-saving treatment and schooling.

It is only by dealing with the past, working through his trauma, that Duncan is able to heal in the present and move on with his life.

Conflict in Northern Ireland existed until the recent past of the late 1990s. This was against a backdrop of centuries of conflict between British settlers and the Irish natives. The Republic of Ireland was created in 1916 - but several Northern Counties remained in British control.

The period between 1916 and the Good Friday Agreement were filled with terrorist action by the IRA against the British Army and the repression of Catholic Irish people in the form of police/army brutality, gerrymandering, discriminatory hiring practices and in other forms.

This was only resolved through dialogue at the highest level between the British Government and Sinn Fein - the political wing of the IRA. It resulted in a peace process which has lasted decades, and has resulted in a generation who can now live, love and work with each other. This required hard decisions, to put past differences and strong emotional ties behind both sides. The results are extraordinary - and offer hope for any conflict.

Conclusions

The best stories I have read take the author's present experience, and insight, and use fiction as a vehicle to explore their themes and ideas. PLUTO takes the historical context of modern world events, and wraps it in an Astro Boy story which tells a story of how trauma, and hate, perpetuate themselves in cycles which come back to haunt and destroy others.

We can learn a lot from such stories. We should learn from them.

It is easy to continue to hate others, and react against clear provocations. It takes courage, bravery and sacrifice to break the cycle and begin anew - to create a new world. A world that Atom represents. A world with a brighter future.

#pluto #pluto manga #pluto anime #pluto spoilers #pluto netflix #naoki urasawa #science fiction #scifi #sci fi #politics #literary Analysis #long reads #long read

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nanamikentoseyebags · 8 months

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Addicted to your light

He hopes you know his whole world is now reflected in his heavenly blue eyes. Look closer, it's you. Always has been.

pairing: satoru gojo x gn!reader

content: fluff, suggestive themes, use of blindfold, basically satoru and reader's first time together, nothing explicit though

a/n: i got affected by @rossithepixie fic where satoru puts his blindfold on you. here he finds another use for it 🥴 a special thank you to @vagabond-umlaut who read it first 💛

The day gives way to night, as the thick veil of the darkness blankets the walls of the room. The only sources of light in the guise of the young pale moon curiously peering in through the not completely closed curtains, and the small, quaint lamps on the oak bedside tables reveal the mysteries of two stained hearts that try to find their way home. In the subdued, soft lighting two silhouettes sit opposite each other on the king-sized bed. And in the complete silence that reigns here, one can hear their ragged breathing, the hot waves of air leaving their parted lips.

The whole space’s palpably electrified with eager anticipation mingled with infinite tenderness and an overwhelming desire. The threatening mixture that swallows them both not leaving a single chance to escape this sweet torture. And it seems that every atom of their being is transformed into a vibrating movement, fused with an unknown craving that fills their heated bodies.

Your clothes are long forgotten somewhere, discarded on the floor on the way to the bedroom, ready to become a tomorrow’s reminder of this very night. Sitting there on the soft walnut colored silk bedsheets wearing nothing but your underwear, you don't feel any cold; rather, your whole skin seems to be set ablaze, with the heat running through your entire body and waking up all the butterflies that have been sleeping peacefully in your stomach. And he doesn’t even touch you yet.

Satoru looks pretty calm, too calm for your liking. Behind this habitual grin you can’t even discern whether he feels at least a bit as anxious or giddy as you. So your gaze shifts to his torso, causing you to swallow hard, as your eyes flick from his broad chest adorned with crescent scars to his defined abs. The lack of clothes gives you a perfect opportunity to admire his sturdy figure without any shame. Illuminated by the soft yellow light, his snow-white skin takes on a golden hue, like a bronze-carved Apollo, who only smiles softly, as if knowing how breathtaking the sight of him can be. You cannot see his eyes, like treasure sought by pirates hidden behind a black satin blindfold, but you can sense his intense gaze moving slowly along all of your curves, tracing all of your skin, not stopping for a second.

And so you give in, jump in with both feet, unable to languish in anticipation and delay the moment any longer, you move closer, your slightly trembling hands gently reaching for him.

"May I?" a quiet plea comes out of your lips in a whisper, your fingers gently touching the velvet skin of his cheek, slowly moving to his blindfold. Satoru nods weakly, swallowing, feeling your hands gently, as if it might hurt him, untie the knot, and slowly pull the skin-cooling material off his heavenly blue eyes.

You see the stars. He still hasn't touched you yet, but you could swear you see them when your gazes meet. It feels like finding yourself in outer space with no protection and no way to take that much needed breath, hanging weightless, surrounded by celestial bodies and running out of air. Yet you can’t help but marvel the beauty before you, knowing goddamn well that this starry blanket might be your last memory. And you would agree to do it again, just to feel the sense of lightness once more, just to get lost in his light, just to see the world centered in him and hidden behind these two orbits.

He sees the sun. He still hasn’t touched you yet, but he could swear he feels its burning touch when your gazes meet. It feels like floating above the ground not the way he used to do but lifting to the unpreceded heights, striving to reach the biggest star, sense its warm embrace and get lost in its heat, knowing goddamn well that its gentle hold might be the last thing he’ll ever feel. And he would do it again, like Icarus flying up too fast and too close, letting you scorch his wings, letting you take away his strength, only to bask in your presence, only to have a chance to marvel your blinding beauty a little longer, only to make sure you know that his whole world is centered around you and can now be seen in the reflection of his two orbits.

“You’re so beautiful…” he exhales quietly either not fully trusting his voice or in fear of scaring the moment off. His hand flies up to gently tuck your hair behind your ear, a light touch leaving a barely perceptible trace on the curve of your neck. With his fingertips he feels the myriad of goosebumps covering your flawless skin in an instant, and he cannot believe it’s him who does this to you. He lets out a shaky breath, realizing how every inch of his body is shivering at the sensation of the satin fabric you're slowly sliding down his neck. Satoru thanks all the gods above that it's you who's doing this to him. Though no one else ever could.

“Close your eyes,” he commands in a low voice, leaning closer, his hot breath dancing across your skin. You obey pliantly, your heart flutters at his words as he suddenly takes advantage of the situation. Satoru’s delicate hand finds its place on the back of your neck, making you lift your head just a little bit. With your eyes shut you feel him leaving a small peck on your temple, then softly kissing your closed eyelids and traveling down to your desperately waiting to be kissed and already slightly parted mouth. Gojo makes sure he left the proclamation of his love with the softest brush of his lips on every millimeter of your face while his thumb gently caresses your jawline. He pulls back for a moment, trying to capture in his mind how divinely beautiful you are in the moonlight before drawing you into a deep yet full of fondness and promises kiss. And your worlds collide the moment your lips meet. And if the big bang that started it all for someone seems like a controversial theory, it has now become an absolute and irrefutable truth for the both of you, as it’s just claimed the new beginning. With him being so painfully soft and his lips molding just right against yours and his feather-light touches, treating you like you’re made of the daintiest porcelain, you feel like falling apart right here and right now. With you being so painfully gentle and your fingers tangling in his snow-white hair, treating him like he’s worth of this universal tenderness, he feels like falling apart right here and right now.

Satoru pulls away slightly, a string of saliva still connecting your swollen lips. You don't dare to open your eyes, feeling the thin fabric slowly slip from your fingers. He gently kisses the corner of your lips, unable to resist, before you feel the pleasant coolness of satin on your eyelids. His fingers gently, with apparent skill, fasten his blindfold around your head.

“Relax for me,” he whispers noticing the way your breath hitches and your chest heaves frantically, “I’ll take care of you, I promise,” his thumb stroking the pinkish apple of your cheek.

“I wanna see you…” you say under your breath, covering his hand with yours.

“You will,” he murmurs and takes your hand in his, kissing your fingers, “but for now, I want you to feel it, okay?” is more of a statement said in a saccharine tone, yet you utter a quiet “okay” surrendering completely to his captivity. His arms encircle your waist before gently lowering you onto the cushioned bed.

“I want you to feel all the love I have for you,” he repeats breathlessly, his fingertips grazing your hips, still unable to believe that you let him touch you, let him kiss your perfect skin, let him get lost in you.

And he’ll spend the whole night showing you how pure and overpowering his love for is, how addicted to your light is, and he is not afraid to burn in doing so.

thank you so much for reading! comments and reblogs are always appreciated 💛

tags: @rossithepixie @pastelle-rabbit @solanaearth @a-nuisance-called-sam @nanamiiss @4sat0ruu @pupkashi @gennysuga

#gojo satoru #satoru gojo #jjk gojo #gojo satoru x reader #gojou satoru x reader #gojo x reader #jujutsu gojo #satoru gojo fluff #gojo fluff #gojo imagine #jjk x you #jjk x reader

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erikatsu · 9 months

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A SUMMER AFTERNOON. — YINGXING

SERIES MASTERLIST.

ᥫ᭡ SUMMARY: Everyone talked about whirlwind romances, but you had never experienced it for yourself. Not until you met an outworlder who caught you by surprise. Unfortunately, nobody had told you that whirlwind romances tended to blow by quicker when one of you was destined to out live the other.

ᥫ᭡ PAIRING: Blade/Yingxing x Fem!Reader

ᥫ᭡ WARNINGS: Blade story spoilers + HSR leaks/spoilers. Star crossed lovers. Fast paced (Blade is a short-life species). Non-canon compliance. Blade will be referred to as "Yingxing" until current timeline. Hinduism based Vidyadhara world building (its fairly heavy this chapter). Reader is neurodivergent coded. "Manasa" is reader's title.

ᥫ᭡ NOTE: I accidentally deleted the original post so we're trying again 🥲

Patience is a virtue. It was something the Elders had tried to drill into you from a young age, but to no avail. You lacked both. When it came to training the young man, especially since he was preparing to undergo the Rites of Vishnu, you grew apathetic and impatient. You had undergone the same trials, training every day after being chosen by the Elders to uphold the Aeon of Permanence’s creations. All in hopes of reaching the esteemed title of Imbititor Lunae.

The title was one all Elders had a chance of reaching. The next in line for it was Dan Feng, the young man you were currently trying to coach on how to use his dual power. It was important that he learn control and balance, as loss of his power could be fatal to many. But, this situation was new to you seeing that you’d never actually taught anyone how to balance their elemental power alongside water manipulation. At least, not in this life.

There were, of course, records and training materials in the Office of Deep Sources for you to read, but that would take way too much time for you to completely go through. You were starting to curse yourself for only skimming the important bits, watching the young man struggle with the water.

“Stop,” you sighed, folding your arms over your chest. “We can try again tomorrow.”

He shook his head, “I’ve almost got it.”

You pursed your lips, knowing you were about to sound like the biggest hypocrite of the Vidyadhara race, “Patience is a virtue, Dan Feng. At least take a break. Let's go over the Old Laws again.”

He gave you a bored look, “I can recite them in my sleep.”

“Integrity,” you raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to do exactly what he said he could do.

You had no doubt he could recite them in his sleep. You could as well. After all, being an Elder meant learning everything about the Rites so it could be continuously passed down with each rebirth of the destined Imbibitor Lunae. One of the first things your kind learned were the Seven Old Laws. They were no longer used as actual laws that were punishable, but now were used as stepping stones for achieving Permanence.

“The Electus must preserve integrity as a hallowed tool,” Dan Feng sounded bored, yet listened to your unspoken instruction. “Impeccable honesty with oneself and others lies at the core of leadership, and the integrity of one’s mind is at last sacred.”

You nodded, as if to tell him to continue. Integrity was the first law. The refusal to lie, steal, or deceive in any way set the path of the moral high ground. People would not follow a leader they couldn't put their complete faith into. The second was pacifism. One must not torment, insult, or wish ill intent onto another being. To harm others is to harm oneself. A law that had definitely been outgrown thanks to the decline in the loss over Long’s power and life in the Rolling Deep had become too dangerous. But, it was still imperative to not actively and intentionally harm others if you were not defending yourself or anyone else.

The third law you struggled with, patience. One must control their impulsive desires by regulating life with daily meditation. Impatience is a sign of desirousness to fulfill unfulfilled desires. Many trials and tribulations would be brought to the Imbibitor Lunae, even if they were all minuscule. The ability to maintain one’s composure was something you hadn't been blessed with.

Forebearance and Dama, the fourth and fifth laws went hand in hand with the second and third. One must practice the acceptance of their sufferings and refrain from unjust retaliation. One must return kindness for injuries received and forget both, and those who harm shall be punished by their own shame– the Law of Forbearance preached tolerance. One must withdraw their external senses and turn their mind away from evil deeds and propensities. Become master of the senses and a servant– the Law of Dama preached restraint. Applied together they could achieve pacifism.

The law you thought you could never follow was the sixth law, virtue. One must cultivate and refine their belief of what the good of the Vidyadhara are. One must have the disposition to follow the path of taking actions that lead to high moral standards. You struggled to cultivate your own beliefs. Your Pearlkeeper had been convinced that the reason for this was due to lack of energy during your hatching and rebirth period. However, you never fell victim to the Everdream Syndrome– a comatose state some Vidyadharas suffer from when there is an insufficient energy conversion while inside their pearl.

What afflicted you was much different, which also made it hard to achieve the last law. Compassion. One must place one’s mind in another's favor. One must find understanding of another's sufferings to help alleviate and prevent it with the three facets: noticing, feeling, and responding. You lacked empathy, therefore you could not find it within yourself to shoulder other people's burdens. Of course, this didn't apply to everyone, just those you did not know personally. You knew your lifeline would never end up inheriting the High Elder title for that reason, and you were fine with that. But, it also isolated you in a way. People often found you difficult to deal with and hard to understand.

Sometimes you wondered if that's why the Elders had decided to make you the Pearlkeeper of the current Electus– the chosen one who was not yet ready for the title of his birthright. Perhaps they thought taking on the responsibility of raising a hatchling would give you a better sense of forming connections with others. While it did help with watching your tone and not being so abrasive, not everyone had the pleasure of seeing you able to hold a decent conversation.

Dan Feng, who had indeed recited the Laws verbatim, was really the only one who got to see you for your true self. Everyone else got to deal with an ill-tempered, bad mouthed, eye-contact avoiding scion. Then again, he was more of a ward to you than anything, and his lifelong connection to you was different than building relationships with people you've only had small conversations with.

You looked at him, seeing he was patiently waiting for further instruction. You sighed, “Let this be our last lesson for today. Be honest with yourself, relax and clear your mind of outside hindrances. Focus and remind yourself of who you are and what your purpose is. Then try the move again.”

He nodded, determined to get it right this time. He took his stance and squared his shoulders, raising his arms. You stepped forward, mirroring his pose. “Think of your element as Yin and the water as Yang. Two separate energies coexisting within you. If you keep the Old Laws in mind, you will be able to separate them and guide the imbalance. You cannot command the power, and trying will only backfire and make you lose control. You can only shepherd it in the right direction as the energies come back together.”

You moved your arm, watching closely as he mimicked your actions and talked him through the correct process. You swept your raised hand down, glancing at him before jutting it upwards. His form was perfect, ready to apply both powers behind it. You stepped back, giving him the room he needed to execute what he’d been practicing.

He took his stance once again, drawing in a deep breath. Just as he was about to start, a man came running down the steps to the platform you two stood on. It was the most spacious area of the Scalegorge Waterscape, perfect for practicing the technique you had been trying to teach.

You gritted your teeth as the man approached, irritated that you’d been interrupted when you were almost finished with your lesson. Dan Feng turned to see what had soured your mood, slightly frowning when he saw a familiar face.

“Apologies, Master Manasa. I know you value your time but there is an urgent matter that requires your assistance,” Haoyu, a Master Craftsman from the Artisanship Commission, told you while desperately trying to catch his breath.

You narrowed your eyes, preparing for him to tell you someone had gotten burned by the Creation Furnace again, “It better be life or death. There are other healers within the Alchemy Commission who are more than capable of handling–”

“It's Master Yingxing. He’s collapsed and is unresponsive,” He cut you off, which was enough for you to understand. “Doctor Mei Ling is the one who told us to find you.”

Healers could only heal, but none besides you had yet mastered the art of retrieving a soul from the place between life and death. If this was truly why you were needed, time was of the essence. You looked to Dan Feng, giving a simple nod that told him he was free to do as he saw fit. Practice could wait until later, you had another job to do now.

Life forms on the Xianzhou were complicated. Several species were aboard all fleets, ranging from outworlder humans to the near immortal Vidyadhara. Being a healer meant you had to have an understanding of the species you were treating, what medicines they could and could not have, and which treatment plans were the best options. Being the Manasa, the Master Healer of the Vidyadhara, meant you were best equipped to handle the toughest of cases, especially ones that centered around death.

Healing was something you could do in your sleep. Ever since hatching, medicine and better understanding the people of your world have always called to you. You had a natural gift, excelling in school and unparalleled in practice. When you had nothing new to learn, the Elders allowed you into the Deep Sources to learn more. There you’d discovered a lost art used in the Rolling Deep before the Vidyadharas had joined the Alliance. They called it Kundalini, the art of guiding souls.

The Elders were not keen on allowing you to practice it, as the consequences of error were too great of a risk to take. That was until a rare case presented itself. A Pearlkeeper had come from Scalegorge Waterscape to seek help with an embryo that seemed to be lifeless– an egg much too small for the part of the cycle it was in. You had seen your chance and begged to take it. If you could guide the soul back to the host, it could live on. If you couldn't... Well, the egg was already on its way to dying.

It was a one time spectacle. All of the Elders had gathered to watch, including High Elder Yuchen– the Imbibitor Lunae before Dan Feng. You had sat in front of it, recalling everything you had learned to prove that you could do it. Even though you’d read countless books and journals of cases on what to do and how to do it, nothing could prepare you for what spiritual enlightenment felt like. You weren't sure you could describe it either. But at the end of the day, you had successfully guided the stuck soul back to its incubator, and High Elder Yuchen taught you how to refine the art. Upon his satisfaction with your progress, he gave you a title only few had reached since leaving the Rolling Deep.

Although in the eyes of the Vidyadhara, you required no more instruction, the same could not be said for the Alchemy Commission. You still had to work your way from the bottom up, earning you a much lighter workload, but having to handle the worst cases. It was also the only thing that allowed you to teach the current candidate for the Imbibitor Lunae.

For a time, with your capabilities becoming clear early on in your current life, the Elders thought you would be the next Electus upon your next rebirth. However, time proved them wrong. Your refusal to learn anything other than medicine on top of behavioral issues your Pearlkeeper reported as you grew up told them that your rebirth had not gone as smoothly as it had previously. It was rare, but not unheard of. Just as the Foxians and the humans had their own unique afflictions, the Vidyadhara did too.

While Everdream Syndrome and Vritra Disorder became a thing for your kind, Mara struck the other long-lives, and a common cold could bring down a short-life species.

The Vidyadhara had always believed that all creatures were connected to each other, and that no life cycle was inferior to another– that regardless of how short or long, each one was everlasting. But you did not think so. Maybe you had taken the teaching too literal– as you tended to do with many things from time to time– but you didn't see the other long-life species being reborn, and you didn't see most humans who came to the Xianzhou live past two hundred.

While you did understand no species was superior to another, you had always thought mortals who came here seeking immortality were foolish. It showed they knew nothing of the Xianzhou, as immortality was forbidden. Afterall, their biggest enemy were the Denizens of the Abundance– the seekers of eternal life who followed The Plague’s Author. Those who sought it ended up being your problem, and you feared that was the case this time as Haoyu flew his starskiff back to the Alchemy Commission.

“I need all of the patient’s information so I can get started immediately,” you told him as the vehicle grew closer to the destination.

He glanced at you before focusing in front of him once more, “He’s one of our Master Craftsmen, Yingxing. Short-life species, moved here as a child. He collapsed in the square, and so far has been unresponsive.”

Your eyes narrowed, “Is it Mara?”

Haoyu shrugged, “Doubtful. He was one of the youngest Master Craftsmen the Artisanship Commission has ever seen, taken on the most apprentices too. He’s dedicated to his life’s work.”

That kind of dedication could very well lead one down the path of seeking immortality, you thought bitterly. But, having more than a couple of apprentices didn't seem in character for an elixir seeker.

Craftsmen were proud, wanting to show off to many but share with few. The more apprentices one had, the less unique they would be. For a craftsman who had very little time, many apprentices made sense. He had a lot of work on his plate, and he needed all hands on deck. However, he may have been working himself to death.

You sighed, countless possibilities running through your mind. A psychological break caused by the stress he was putting himself through? Or had organs begun to shut down, causing toxic-metabolic encephalopathy– a coma? A heart attack?

You didn't know, and you could only hope you had the time to find out.

#blade x reader #hsr x reader #honkai star rail x reader #yingxing x reader #blade x you #hsr x you #honkai star rail x you

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goddessxeffect · 9 months

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ALL THAT REMAINS

Let this, at least, serve as yet another reminder.

First off, I want to talk about Identification. Are you tired of it yet? Well, buh-hu, some of you still don't get it so it won't hurt you to read it and be reminded of your true Self over and over again.

Apart from detaching from ego, keep in mind to ask yourself over the day who you refer to when you say or think "I" or "me". I'm so very sure that a lot of you guys still attach your Ego to this sense of Self. Wake up, remind yourself and snap out of it. You are so much more than it. You are limitless, formless, infinite Awareness ONLY observing being a human experiencing A LIFE, yes, just ONE possibility out of infinte possibilities. All of them already belong to you, as you are their source. You are Life itself and so you give those possibilities 'reality'.

Just because the Ego feels its life to be THE reality doesn't make that true. Once again, Ego is conditioned to feel or perceive that way, it is just a form of consciousness and that makes it limited and not able to fully perceive the truth: everything is consciousness, everything belongs to you.

That's ok, let Ego be, it's really not the problem nor has to get fixed (convinced, changed, etc.). In its own unique way Ego is perfectly formed Consciousness. After all, you could at any time choose a "better" version or an entirely new one. You are beyond its mind. Don't try to make or force Ego to understand that. Detach. Your only problem is that you love it too much, a little like a child is loved by its parent. You were there with it all its life. In every second. It's yours, your creation.

But just like a parent there comes a time where you have to let go, realize your true Self again (without the child). You were playing a role and your extreme attachment to this character is the only reason why you "feel" desires, lack and negative feelings. Those things belong to that characters world, not you. They rub off on you because you identify as that. You tried to fit your entire being in this tiny form but it's still limited and that's when you get miserable - you hit the limit, the border of the form so to speak.

But here comes the fun part. You are not that, remember? You are always just your absolute Self (Awareness). Not formed, not named, not conditioned. You know what that means? Materialization is not about the "physical" and not separate from Knowing. I already talked about how if you know (are aware of) something you "see" it? Well, I've come to realize that this was still pretty much about the "physical". If you know what you want/resonate with, it's actually materialized. You often experience a thought, may it be a visual, auditory or even sensory. But even the knowing is enough. If you know what you want you must've had become aware of it beforehand. That's the moment it exists/ formed.

All that remains is knowledge of who you really are

#consciousness #law of consciousness #non dualism #non duality #non-dualism #non-duality #nondualism #law of assumption #neville goddard #goddessawakening

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cr-pisacs-evil-brother · 8 months

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Pathologic Bachelor ARG Megapost

This post is a culmination of months of (mostly my own) research into the Bachelor ARG. For far too many days and far too many hours, I’ve been doing my best to solve this, with the help of a few other people. I looked very deep into most Fyodor Vitin posts, played through The Marble Nest several times, looked extensively through the Pathologic wiki, and read/analyzed countless outside sources for this post, and I will link as many of them as I can. (If there are links that you think would help the ARG that you’d like included in here with credit please let me know.) For any people that are credited, an “@” before their name implies that it’s a Tumblr username, while a “u/” proceeding their name implies it’s a Reddit username. I have discovered and analyzed dozens of leads, some of which are more likely to be important or intentional on the part of IPL than others. The primary purpose of this post is to give all of you Pathologic fans new leads and theories to analyze in pursuit of solving the mystery behind this ARG, so many of the things within this post should be looked into further! With this post, I will lay out my findings in a series of sections, all of them having several connections to each other. This post is more than 10,000 words and is not meant to be read all at once, so feel free to read sections, take breaks, re-read sections, or skip around if you'd like. “Observations, Research, Analysis” is a vast majority of this post and consists of observations made about the ARG material, as well as any research I did into those findings that bore fruit, and analysis/connections to other things. The additional notes section consists of some of the conclusions I’ve reached after putting all of my evidence together, as well as some connections I didn't really make in the previous section, but keep in mind they’re still just theories so they could obviously be wrong. I would like to emphasize that I am not a native Russian speaker, but I did have many native Russian speakers helping me along the way, and in particular, I’d like to thank @kurury-chan for her massive help with this. She transcribed the newspaper for me, provided tons of consulting, translated many other Russian sources, and actually went out of the way to go on an irl tour of a certain ARG-related location to see if my theories about it could hold any ground! Because I'm not a native Russian speaker, the sections where I'm required to analyze Russian text (notably the newspaper section) will probably be the least interesting and I'll probably end up making a lot of points that aren't valid. Additionally, I’d like to thank @cryingsyren (who also happens to be my bf) and @ded-not-ded for their help. As for formatting, since Tumblr doesn't have tiered lists for some fucking reason, all main points will be written as bullet points, and any sub-points within that bullet will then have numbered points afterward. For example like this:

The first main point about a topic

Sub-point of the first point

Second sub-point

The second main point about a topic

I'll either do that or I'll do it like this:

First main point

First sub-point First sub-sub-point

Second sub-point

Second main point

Edit 1: I've had to revert much of the Chat text (the font I used for the sub-points above) to regular text because of a formatting glitch that irreversibly changed most of the Chat text to bold, which was very confusing.

Depending on which looks better in the context of the points. Because that formatting is so awkward and clunky I'll try to minimize the use of tiered lists as I convert this from the Google Docs format to the Tumblr Format. Most of the time that I use tiered lists here it's to deal with the character limit Tumblr has on single blocks of text within a post. With that out of the way, let's just get into the post.

Observations, Research, Analysis:

"The Accident" Fyodor Vitin post

The first thing I noticed about the newspaper when I took a good look at it was the use of bolding with certain letters. If you look at the Newspaper you’ll also see ink splattered on the page in several areas, which could be a clue toward noticing the bolded letters, or it could be something else I’ve yet to discover. I knew I wouldn’t be able to transcribe the entire newspaper by myself, not being a Russian speaker (although I’ve just started learning!) so I enlisted the help of @kurury-chan, a native Russian speaker, and she transcribed the entire newspaper for me in Cyrillic. After getting this transcription I went through and spent a couple of days looking for which letters were bolded, writing them down, and coming up with possible translations/meanings. I’ve come up with lots of possible meanings for these, but for many of them I couldn’t figure anything out, and I’d love help if anyone has any idea what they could mean! To me many of them seem like word fragments that are simply missing one or two letters, and so in the document where I list all of the bolded letters I put some words/phrases that are very close to the seemingly fragmented words. Once again keep in mind that, while I’m trying to learn Russian, my understanding of the language is still rather weak, so I may have mistranslated some of these. Another small detail to mention is that there’s a prominent crease on the left side of the paper that runs through a decent portion of the bolded words. First, I’ll start with the bolded letters on the left side of the page. I may have missed a couple, and I may have written some of them down as bolded when maybe they aren’t supposed to be seen as such.

Here is a link to a list of all the letters I think are bolded on the left side, which lines they’re on, and possible meanings, many of which I’ll be discussing here. I will not go individually through what I believe all the bolded letters mean, but I will go through and explain the ones I think are most meaningful and important, as well as some connections I’ve made with them. And here is a link to the original Russian transcription and my best attempt at an English translation.

It’s possible that the crease that runs through the left side of the paper and notably runs through many bolded words somehow denotes that those particular bolded words are special, or perhaps that they should be seen as separate from the other bolded words.

Line 15 has a rather interesting bolded phrase, because it actually appears to make a somewhat coherent 3-word phrase, but one of the words seems to be a surname, “Pepe.” Additionally, the crease on the left side of the page starts right above the word “ПЕПЕЛИЩЕ” in the title, and splits it so that “ПЕПЕ” is separate from the rest of the word. (ПЕПЕ is Pepe in Cyrillic.) If you want to know what the non-Pepe words say, skip to the next bullet point, because the rest of this one is my analysis of the ПЕПЕ part. So, of course, I looked into the name a bit, looking through all notable historical figures with the last name, and found one that I think is of special interest: Guglielmo Pepe. Born in the small ancient town of Squillace, Pepe entered the army at a very young age, and was an Italian commander during the early 1800s, but his military career was fraught with trouble, as he also had rather revolutionary politics, which angered both the government he was serving and many of his peers, and he was exiled on several occasions. Upon Pepe’s return to Italy at the age of 30, he was given the rank of general. After this, the most notable events in his life would largely consist of his attempts at going rogue in revolutionary attempts to change the existing power structure, for which he was usually punished. (It’s also perhaps worth mentioning that his brother was part of the attempted French invasion of Russia.) All of this is to say, Pepe obviously shares some striking similarities to General Block, perhaps the most striking of which is his status as a 30-year-old general, which is an aspect of Block’s character that is highlighted several times. So, of course, I looked into Block’s character a bit more, and discovered that in the Russian version of the game he is called “General Ash” instead of “General Ashes.” “Strange,” I thought, until I saw that in Russian, Ash is “Пепел” which is pronounced as “Pepel” for anyone that isn’t familiar with Cyrillic. If we look into it, we do see that the letter after the Пепе is л, but it is notably not bold. This is, if you're counting, two separate times in this paper where the plural for ash, пепелище, is split up so that only the пепе is emphasized. As for other connections between Pepe and Block, we could look at them both harboring some revolutionary tendencies and being punished for it, both by The Powers That Be and his peers. General Block also tells Artemy that he was born in a town not too dissimilar to the Town on Gorkhon; this is interesting because there are some connections to be drawn between Squillace and Gorkhon, primarily that both of them preserve the beauties of ancient times that have all but been lost to most people. Related to this, it should also be noted that I believe the plot of The Marble Nest was heavily based on the plot of The Seventh Seal, which is the same movie that inspired the character Alexander Block.

The rest of line 15 is also interesting, but I’m not sure exactly what it’s supposed to mean yet. It translates to “Heaven on Pepe” basically. I consider the “Pepe” part to probably be the most important, since there’s a large crease that runs through it, which I think probably denotes a level of importance? The line’s meaning might be related to the fact that “heaven” is sort of a synonym for “utopia,” or the character that Block is based on is the protagonist of a movie that revolves around the ideas of heaven and Christianity, which is something we saw very briefly with Block in Pathologic 1. If you have any ideas please post about them and tag me, or simply comment/reblog this with your ideas!

Line 1 and line 18’s bolded letters both start out with “ов”, and for my English speakers out there it is pronounced sorta like “ove.” ов is interesting because if you translate it as о-в it actually is the shortened form of “island” in Russian. Line 1’s bolded letters read as “ов попо”, and for people not familiar with Cyrillic попо is basically “popo.” There are, apparently, many Popo islands in the world, and I couldn’t find one that I think directly connects to the ARG or Pathologic, but maybe someone else out there will, or perhaps that line has a different meaning to it. As for line 18, it says “ов испустивших” and according to Russian wiktionary, the second word is one letter off from the word “Emitted.” I looked a bit deeper, though, because that didn’t satisfy me (why would they use the incorrect spelling of a word after all?) and I didn’t see much, but I did find two things that used the exact word “испустивших” that interested me: A Saudi Arabian newspaper that has been translated into Russian, as well as a Russian poem from 1777 celebrating the birth of Grand Duke Alexander Pavlovich, also known as Alexander I of Russia. The latter is more interesting to me for numerous reasons, the first one being that it might serve my theory about the connection between line 1 and 15, as line 1’s bolded letters end with попо and line 15’s end with пепе. The connection is weak, too weak for me to make it a separate bullet point, but strong enough for me to want to explain. So, as we know, there is a connection between line 1 and 18, it’s what this whole bullet point is about, and this theory (using the term “theory” loosely) relies on us seeing them as very closely connected. Basically, Alexander I was the ruler of Russia during the French invasion, which is interesting because, if you’ll remember, Guglielmo Pepe’s brother, Florestano Pepe, took part in the French invasion. This, to me, is an interesting connection, but I do admit it’s definitely a reach.

That’s where I’ll stop talking about the bolded letters on the left side of the paper. If you’d like to see what other bolded letters there are, what they could possibly mean, and try to decipher the meaning for yourself please go to my linked Google Doc(s).

As for the right side of the Newspaper, there are some bolded letters, but I can't seem to make much sense out of them, and by this point in my research I was starting to pursue more promising ARG leads, so this section is rather incomplete. Just as a reminder, the right side of the newspaper is an advertisement for a lantern/kerosene shop. I personally think the right side is more interesting than the left for a couple reasons, but most of them are either self-evident or will be discussed later.

The lantern on the right side of the paper is the same model that’s used throughout the Haruspex’s route, but most notably it’s used a ton during The Marble Nest as set dressing. And when I say "a ton" I really mean it.

I also remembered vaguely an unused lantern item found in the game files of Pathologic 2, so I went to the Pathologic wiki to look for it, and surely enough the exact lantern used by Artemy, the one that appears so many times in The Marble Nest, is also an unused item present in the game files. When using console commands to give yourself the item, you’re able to click on it and select the “touch” option, upon which you’ll see the number 6192355001378070 where the name of the item should be, and 6192355001378072 where the touch text should be. I’m not sure exactly what these numbers are supposed to mean; my first thought was that they seemed long enough to be coordinates, so I put them into google maps and it does lead to a location in Russia! Nonetheless, the numbers are a little bit too long to make sense as cohesive coordinates. Still, it might be something worth investigating. You'll see later in this post just how significant numbers and number patterns are in this ARG.

The word used to describe one of the victims of this inferno, “academician,” has sorta interesting connotations in countries that were once part of or heavily influenced by the USSR. This person is referred to as “Mr. F.L.” in the article. This guy is also said to be a historian and a “бытооописателя,” which as you can probably tell by the fact that I’m not using the translated English version is a weird word. Perhaps the strangest thing about this word is the fact that it clearly has 3 o’s where there should only be one. The actual meaning of this word is odd, as it’s very rarely used, and according to all sources I could find (including native Russian speaker and linguistics enthusiast @kurury-chan) it is either an archaic term for a historian or a term meaning “writer of everyday life.” I’m honestly not sure what that means, and at first, I thought it meant something like a blogger. The most complete and coherent definition I could find describes it as “author of works describing everyday life.” A different translation I found seems to say it means something like "chronicler," which I suppose makes some sense.

In the bottom right part of the paper, you will notice what at first appears to be a signature. Admittedly I had almost no hand in this part of the investigation, except for the isolation and upscaling of the text. Most of the work here was done by @cryingsyren with some help from @kurury-chan and @ded-not-ded. Here is the image that I got for them of the text, and here is our current interpretation of it: It at first seemed to be Russian cursive (and it probably is supposed to be), which complicates things quite a bit, and @cryingsyren spent a couple days trying to figure out exactly what it says, (with some help from @kurury-chan) and as far as we can tell it’s four letters, which are separated into either two or three sections. I think we have a decent grasp on what they’re supposed to be in Cyrillic, but the interesting thing is that they do look a lot like both Russian and Latin cursive. I’ll describe them now using what Latin character they look like in quotes followed by what Cyrillic character they look like in parenthesis. The first section is an “M” (М) and a “K” (К), which are very clearly connected. The next section is either an “H” (Н) or an “H” and an “n/u”. We’re not exactly sure whether the H and the n/u are supposed to be connected, but the n/u being lowercase seems to imply it is. The interesting thing about the n/u is that, while it looks like it could be a Latin n or u, it also looks like it could be a Cyrillic и, which is the italicized version of the Russian letter и. It seems all too coincidental that all of the letters they used have almost exact visual counterparts in the Latin alphabet. At the moment our working theory is that it could be initials, and this is where I come in, because for days I knew I recognized the "MK" part of the signature, but I couldn't remember exactly where from until today. For anyone that has played too much Pathologic Classic HD like me, you may recognize the "MK" signature from the center of the loading screen in that game, scrawled in a way that most people wouldn't pay attention to it, and certainly that most people wouldn't have it committed to memory like me. During the roughly 170 hours I've spent playing the game I've probably looked at that MK more than I've looked at my youngest brother. This presents the question, who is MK? Well at first I thought it could be Mr. Katzman, as referenced in the "Mask" post, but that didn't seem right to me. This is when the fact that so much of my brain is Pathologic lore facts came to help again, when I remembered state inquisitor Mark Karminsky, who you may remember as being one of the men people thought would come to the town before Aglaya Lilich showed up. As for the rest of the writing, I'll leave that up to you guys to figure out.

Something to note for later on: We know there to be 19 inquisitors when Pathologic takes place, and in this ARG the number 19 becomes very important with later clues.

"Mask" Fyodor Vitin post

Arguably this is the Fyodor Vitin post I’ve done the most research into, and it eventually led me to develop a very deep and passionate interest in the Buryat peoples that has so far caused me to read several books and around a dozen academic papers about them. I haven’t only done research into the Buryats for this post, though, because although the Buryats are the primary inspiration for The Kin, they’re not the only inspiration. Despite all of this research work, this section will be rather short because I’ve already been through and exhausted most possible leads I’ve found, and this is what remains. Since the post is in English, and I think everyone that follows me presumably knows English (если вы не говорите по-английски, я хвалю вас за то, что вы зашли так далеко) I won’t summarize it, so I’d recommend reading the Vitin post and then coming back.

We see in the post the mask of “Muu Shubuun,” which we’ll immediately notice is almost the exact same mask as is used by the Executors in the game. Actually, in the Marble Nest, you can acquire the Executor mask, and its touch text reads, “The mask of Muu Shubuun, ‘the wicked bird.’ Part of the Reaper costume from the local theatre.” I have found several different sources that lead me to believe this is based on actual Buryat folklore, however, I’ve heard several conflicting accounts on whether Muu Shubuun is an evil spirit that tricks people by taking the shape of a beautiful woman, or if it’s closer to what we see in the game/ARG, but both seem to be documented as existing within sources on the Buryats. I think this confusion between the two likely means the stories and connotations associated with Muu Shubuun vary based on different groups of Buryats. An alternate spelling I’ve seen used is “Mu Shuvuu.” Possibly related to this is the character “Shar Shuvuu” (which means “eagle owl”), who appears in The Marble Nest during the “marriage” scene in the steppe camp behind the cathedral. In fact, a surprisingly high number of NPC characters in this DLC are named after birds.

The phrase used in the post to describe a seasonal festival, “dosoo ba beshē tēēhēē” is where I’ve devoted much of my research, with most of that research being from about a month ago. Only the third word in this phrase, beshē, appears as a kin word in the games as far as I know. However, we can use a method here that people in the Pathologic community have been using for years to figure out the meaning of kin words: Most of the steppe language in the game is based on one of many languages: Buryat mostly, Mongolian sometimes, Tibetan sometimes, and some parts of it also take inspiration from other languages of similar origin to these. A majority of the language seems to be based on Buryat, and many Kin words come straight from the language. A few words in the game seem to be made up entirely by Ice-Pick Lodge, and many are based on words from the aforementioned real languages but tweaked slightly, as if to indicate that the steppe language spawned from those languages but has some distinctive elements. To determine what this phrase means, I tried my best to dig into the languages and find parallels:

“Dosö” in Buryat means “inside”

In Mongolian “dooshoo” means “down”

In Mongolian “ba” means either “and,” “we,” or “sorcery”

In Tibetan, “ba” means “cow”

“Beshē” in the game’s steppe language means either “not” or “other”

The prefix “të-” in Buryat means “to transport”

In Mongolian the prefix “te'e-” also means “to transport”

As for the “-hee” part of the word, I have not found a single source that could tell me what it means. I’ve found several Buryat words that end in “he,” but I can’t seem to find a connection between them strong enough to suggest what it denotes.

Upon first seeing this festival mentioned, I believe I commented somewhere on the Pathologic subreddit that it might be the same one we see in the Kin’s camp behind the cathedral in The Marble Nest. While I’m not 100% convinced still, I also don’t doubt it that much. One interesting thing to note for any people that might wanna investigate this in the future is that I’m pretty sure what we see in the Marble Nest is the same thing that Nara and the Haruspex perform in the abattoir, as they both seem to happen on day 10, and if you look close you can see that Nara is the one that is cut open in The Marble Nest. Seemingly with the Haruspex gone, there is no one that knows the lines and so the ritual doesn’t go as smoothly as it could.

“Messages” Fyodor Vitin Post:

This particular Fyodor Vitin post is the third one, which if you know Ice-Pick Lodge certainly has some importance to it. The post is a series of letters and images, one depicting an Executor and one depicting Voronika Kroy, who's a minor character in Pathologic 2 and the main character in the Pathologic Feverish Feelings ARG. The letters detail how the recipient’s reports about Voronika Kroy have been seen and have started an investigation by the Federal Bureau. What’s most interesting to me are two things: the jumble of (Latin alphabet) letters in the bottom left, and the number used within the letters (the post-card letters in this case).

The number in question is “196-17-1” which is apparently the case number used for the Voronika Kroy investigation. This number will be more important later in relation to other clues. One interesting thing I've found is that the RGB value for 196-17-1 is a deep red.

The jumble of letters at the bottom of the picture is “eiamrucdvrturxoevecid”. It is 21 letters and can be divided up into chunks of 3 or 7 letters. 3 and 7 of course being Ice-Pick Lodge’s favorite numbers. Up until this point, it has been assumed that this is an anagram, and I have no reason to doubt that. It has already been pointed out in the Pathologic subreddit that the words “Executor” and “Corvid” can be found in the anagram, as well as the Latin words “Cura”, “Curare”, “Curari”, “Medici”, and “Vivam.” Credit for finding the Latin words goes to u/apostforisaac who is apparently studying Latin at university! Additionally, u/Own_Sympathy_9814 deduced a possible meaning by unscrambling the anagram and finding “MAVRUD + VERIDIC + EXECUTOR”, which they believe hints toward the answers lying in the Marble Nest (I wrote the entire Marble Nest section of this post before finding their post about that, so I do feel pretty validated by it). Many people have been approaching this anagram, like many other parts of the ARG, as if they have one right answer, and frankly, I just don’t think that’s in the style of Ice-Pick Lodge. I’ll quickly list out some words/phrases I found in the anagram and what they mean/how they could relate. I will also include words that have already been discussed, and they’ll be marked with a “*” so you don’t think I found them. Most of the ones marked with a * I won’t be discussing, as most have already been discussed extensively. I also won’t be discussing the ones that I think probably don’t have much meaning, but I’m including them because it still could be something later on down the road.

I am You don’t actually even have to unscramble the letters to get this one, as the second, third, and fourth letters of the jumble simply spell it out. What's interesting is that the 7 "I am" discourses are a crucial part of the Christian Gospel according to John. The Gospel according to John was an important clue during the Feverish Feelings ARG, which revolved around Voronika Kroy and her Inquisitor father, Peter Kroy. If we're speaking of the four canonical gospels, we must also address the Gospel according to Mark, which coincidentally is the name of an inquisitor that has popped up elsewhere in this ARG. Following this theme, there is actually a non-canonical Gospel According to Peter, which seems too cool to be a coincidence.

Eve This is one you don’t have to unscramble also. Interestingly, Daniil is often compared to a snake, even being called a snake-man in Marble Nest by Shaazgai, a man belonging to the Kin. In the biblical story of Adam and Eve, it is a snake, often thought to be the devil, that convinces Eve to eat the forbidden fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

Retroviridae The scientific name for a retrovirus. If I was more knowledgeable about biology I would say more, but this seems important.

Rex Iudaeorum Translating in Latin to “King of the Jews,” this was the inscription that allegedly was put on the cross that held Jesus of Nazareth, as detailed by 19:19 in the book of John. Very interesting as Daniil does compare himself to Jesus at least once in the Haruspex route, on the night before Aglaya comes. The Gospels, as discussed before, all detail the life and crucifixion of Jesus Christ. The "19" connection is also interesting because of the inquisitor detail, and I'll talk about more of the connections to 19 later in the post.

Cardio Commonly used medically as a prefix for heart conditions, “cardio” is a Latinized version of the Greek “kardia,” which simply means heart. Heart imagery is very common and significant to the Bachelor.

Eva This is similar to the Russian version of Eve.

Corvid*

Cura*

Curare*

Curari*

Medici*

Vivam*

Mavrud*

Veridic*

Executor*

Order Could relate to the committee in The Marble Nest and the fact that after they’re replaced by tragedians the absurd order begins getting sent out to the orderlies.

Carex ericetorum This is a plant that would almost definitely be present in/around the Town on GorkhonThis is a plant that would almost definitely be present in/around the Town on Gorkhon

Creature

Marble Nest:

The Marble Nest, as we know, is very concise, only really lasting half a day in-game. Because of this, the dialogue does tend to feel a lot more intentional, as though the named characters are not necessarily speaking only to The Bachelor but also trying to convey a message to the player. This, of course, is because The Marble Nest takes place inside Dankovsky’s head. If this ARG will be revolving partly around The Bachelor, as it seems to be, then there’s no better place to start than digging into his head, which is why I’ve played so much of the Marble Nest for this.

There are several specific stories/myths/historical figures that are mentioned through Marble Nest. First, we’ll go through some of these.

There is a very interesting conversation that The Bachelor has with Georgiy Kain, where he is trying to justify his decision to lift the quarantine restrictions to The Bachelor, who is rather upset obviously. I’ll cut down and paraphrase most of the dialogue, since if I didn’t this would be much longer, but basically the conversation goes as:

[Georgiy introduces himself, and says he decided to let The Bachelor sleep so that he would have the strength to face the upcoming trial] [Daniil asks if Georgiy lifted the restrictions and let the plague into The Stone Yard] Georgiy: “Quite so. It's plain to me that you are on the verge of shredding me into pieces. But still your wrath. As a great Athenian once said, ‘Strike, if you will, but hear.’” Daniil: “Themistocles, I know. He met a rather gruesome end, by the way. Died of plague.” Georgiy: “No, it was Pericles. You are a learned man, but history is not your strong suit. Which is why you should listen to me. Perhaps it will help you see something that you missed in your previous studies.” [Georgiy then goes on to explain a bunch of other stuff about the plague, which as far as I’m concerned isn’t all that useful to the task at hand.]

I find this so interesting because The Bachelor, in his own head, poses a question to himself, gets it wrong, and then has another separate figment of his imagination correct him, and then proceeds to tell The Bachelor that he’s not great at history and should listen to Georgiy more. What’s even more interesting is that, as far as I can tell, Georgiy and Daniil are both wrong, it was actually Themistocles that said “Strike, if you will, but hear,” and it was Pericles that died of plague. I found this interesting enough to look into who Themistocles and Pericles were, and here’s what I found:

Themistocles was a politician and general that broke the mold by being non-aristocratic and populist, which gave him the support of the people but put him at odds with the nobles and some of his peers. He turned 30 in 494 BC, which qualified him to run for the position of Archon, which he did, and won the position the following year. He had a prominent rivalry with another politician named Aristides. Whereas Themistocles was populist, Aristides primarily fought for the upper class. Themistocles eventually 20the rivalry after Aristides was exiled. Years later, though, Themistocles himself was exiled, and while he was gone his enemies took the opportunity to charge him with treasonous activities, knowing he could not defend himself. Because of this, Themistocles could never return to Athens, and so found employment and a home among the people that he once fought against while serving Athens. Given military command once more, he was actually Themistocles who said “Strike, if you will, but hear,” and it was Pericles who died of plague. I found this interesting enough to look into who Themistocles and Pericles were, and here’s what I found: Pericles, to me, has less interesting things about him in relation to Pathologic, with the main two being that he rehabilitated the image of Themistocles and he died of a plague. What could be interesting is the fact that General Block and Captain Longin are in both Pathologic 1 and 2 often compared to Achilles and Patroclus, two Greek soldiers from ancient folktales, primarily known for being two of the most important characters in The Iliad. To me, drawing a connection between Achilles and Block, as well as Pericles and Longin, isn’t that absurd. What could also be interesting to note is that Pericles was the main character in a play written in part by William Shakespeare. While Themistocles' life almost exactly fits the character arc of General Block, down to the weird connection between him dying of the plague in The Marble Nest and Themistocles drinking bull blood (as well as Dankovsky thinking Themistocles died of the plague), I think how Pericles fits in could lie in the Shakespearean play, as we all know how important theater is to Pathologic. You see by now at least partially what I think this alludes to, but I’ll talk more about it in the additional notes section.

Next, I’ll discuss a mythical story brought up in the Marble Nest: The Tower of Babel. This is brought up by the clerks sitting directly outside Georgiy Kain’s house. I think most people would talk to these guys right before talking to Georgiy, but I have more to say about it so it’s written second. When talking to one of the clerks during their argument about the plague, one man mentions that he thinks The Polyhedron is at fault, and no matter how Dankovsky replies (he has 3 options), the man then says “History already knows an example of people trying to erect an impossible tower. It ended in tragedy.” I could go on explaining why I believe this guy is talking specifically about the Tower of Babel, this post is already long enough so just trust my reasoning here, please. Notable to the point I’m trying to make, one of the other clerks brings up that he thinks the plague was started because of the irreconcilable differences between The Kin and the town, and the fact that the Kin have been forcibly mashed into the town. When Dankovsky asks the man if something is holding the Kin in the town, preventing them from leaving and returning to the earth, the man says “Someone is… our rulers. They have embedded the steppe people into this town, carved them into its warm flesh. This isn't a town, it's an honest-to-God minotaur. A chimera. And chimeras have remarkably short lifespans and bad health. Can you breed a snake and a crane? You can, yes. But the progeny won't live long.” This dialogue is interesting for a few reasons, one related to the tower of Babel and two related to other possible ARG clues. The first interesting thing is that what he’s describing, drawing a connection between the Tower of Babel and the Polyhedron, actually makes a lot of sense. To him, the Polyhedron is not only an affront to God, but its accentuation of human hubris coincides with a beating down of nature and the earth, represented in part by most of the Polyhedron’s mass being concentrated far above the earth while also piercing the earth’s heart. The story of the mythical tower, to oversimplify it, is essentially a tale of people from many different walks of life all coming together to construct a giant, seemingly impossibly tall tower in order to avoid the possibility of a second biblical flood destroying most of humanity. God sees this attempt as an affront to both him and the natural order, and so before the men are able to finish the tower he divides them all by making them speak different languages, making it impossible for them to understand each other. So, in this second clerk’s interpretation, the plague is a result of the town both rebelling against/abusing nature and also taking the Kin into itself. Unlike the first man, who believes the tower itself is at fault, this second one believes it’s all because of the town making itself into a “chimera,” which he believes cannot live long. What’s clear to me, though, is that although these men believe they disagree, their explanations complement each other very well, which brings us to our third man, who has a rather simple but somewhat confusing explanation. This clerk believes that this plague occurred in the town because men should not be “remodeled or altered,” and when asked what that has to do with the epidemic he replies “I don’t know… It wasn't we who designed the world like this. I believe in men, Doctor; in superhumans, I do not. This earthly life wouldn't fit them. Immortals have no place in the world of the living. This is just how it works. Take from it what you will.” This man seems to be implying that Simon Kain, the immortal man, is the reason why this plague appeared in the town. This is when it all started to come together for me: these men's stories do really all complement each other, because here they are posing the Polyhedron, chimera, and Simon as all the same. This will further be explained in the additional notes section. Three parts of one whole if you will.

Now, the mention of the Tower of Babel is interesting for two other reasons, one of which will be discussed in the additional notes section and one of which I’ll discuss here. In the Fyodor Vitin “One can work here” post there are numerous items displayed in the room pictured, but perhaps most interesting to me is the golden bull statue that sits at the front and center of the photo. My first thought when seeing that image was “Oh! This reminds me of the biblical story of the golden calf statue, which I bet is what they’re referencing.” For those who aren’t familiar, I’ll be oversimplifying another biblical story now. While trekking from Egypt to the holy land, Moses leaves his people behind to climb to the top of a mountain and commune with God. Moses is gone for forty days, upon which the people are fearful that he will not return, and so they molded a calf statue out of gold to worship. God, upon seeing this, sends Moses down to the base of the mountain to punish his people for their sins. Moses burns the golden calf in a fire, ground it to powder and water, and forced his people to drink it. He then killed all of them basically. My thought process was related to the fact that The Bachelor is punished severely by The Powers That Be for his own affront to God, the pursuit of immortality. Now, after that previous discussion about the Tower of Babel, I am noticing some very interesting things in this picture, and primarily that there are two other related statues. Now that we have the previous context about The Tower of Babel and the clerks in our mind, we can see new meaning in these statues: a black statue of a centaur, and a white bust of a man. The interesting thing about the centaur should be obvious, it is another chimera. The bust of the man, which seems to be made of marble, reminded me somewhat of ancient Greek statues that are chiseled to glorify certain leaders and make them seem somewhat perfect while also immortalizing them in stone. You can probably see the connection I’m making here, and so I will leave the rest of the explanation for the additional notes section.

Another thing that's interesting to note is the aforementioned three men, unlike most characters in Pathologic 2 and the Marble Nest, do not stop moving when you pause the game; their animations continue to play even after you bring up the pause menu. If you’re unaware, there is actually a small detail in Pathologic 2 where pretty much everything nature-based or that is a natural force of the world, as well as everything that’s supposed to be seen in a meta-narrative sense, does not stop moving when you pause the game. This includes rain, leaves falling, the particle effects that come off the clocks, fire, executors (not orderlies), plague particles, etc. Once I noticed this (while trying to get a screenshot of some things to analyze) I tested out some other NPCs in The Marble Nest, and all of the other people I tested seemed to freeze when the game was paused. However, this is not to say that no other characters in the Marble Nest move when the game is paused. I only tested about 4 guys besides the primary trio we're discussing, mostly just to make sure it's not a thing that all Marble Nest characters do. If one of you people reading this would like to go through and see which characters in The Marble Nest also possess this trait, it could prove fascinating.

Finally, I’ll talk about two somewhat modern (at least modern compared to the previous two) stories that are brought up in The Marble Nest, although not directly: The Time Machine by H.G. Wells and The Masque of the Red Death by Edgar Allan Poe. Admittedly, I have not read either of these stories (it’s possible I read the EAP story 5-6 years ago and just don’t remember it), but I do actually know quite a bit about the stories and their themes from a couple of literary studies on specific genres I’ve done over the years. Additionally, for this section, I have done some more research on the plots and themes of these stories which yielded fascinating results.

The Time Machine is brought up when The Bachelor visits The Cathedral and speaks to a Tragedian standing within. The Tragedian talks about how the building is not a temple, but a machine. Daniil asks what kind of machine, and The Tragedian responds “This is a time machine. Time works differently on the inside and on the outside. It's frozen now. I think something's broken.” To which Dankovsky can say “A time machine? Are you saying it can transport me to the past or to the future? Like in that Englishman's book, what's his name…” For this, I did some research into what book he could be referring to, and almost instantly Time Machine stood out to me for a number of reasons. I think there might be something interesting to be said about how this relates to the ARG, but I’m not going to be the one to say it, because I’m honestly not sure how or if it does. I will describe how it connects to Pathologic though, in case that sparks anyones mind. The work is apparently seen as popularizing the idea of time travel and the time machine, which relates to what IPL has said about The Bachelor’s route I suppose. As for the plot, it’s about a Victorian man using a time machine to travel to the year of A.D. 802,701. He meets two races of people, one descended from the oppressed working class and one descended from the pampered owning class. Over hundreds of thousands of years of this lifestyle, the two races have started to diverge, with the owning class becoming child-like and basically useless, while the working class has been forced into a life of toil and hardship which has shaped them into a race of underground-dwelling animalistic race of people. Essentially the novel is a depiction of class struggle and the class contradictions inherent within capitalism, but with a bit of a metaphorical twist. The toiling of the working class underground is what allows the upper class to live in abundance without the need for work. There is very interesting commentary here to be made on the worms/odonghs in the game, as well as the eternal youth that is present in some elements of the stone yard, but this isn’t a Pathologic essay, it’s a Pathologic ARG essay.

The Masque of the Red Death is alluded to by The Bachelor in a dialogue with a wandering citizen, who opens up the conversation by saying “A masquerade ball will be held in the main square this evening. People want to celebrate our victory over the sand pest. You don't mind…?” To which The Bachelor has 3 possible replies, one of them being “I seem to vaguely remember a rather famous story about a masquerade held to celebrate a victory over a plague. Remember how it ended?” To summarize, The Masque of the Red Death is about a group of noblemen taking refuge in an abbey to hide from a plague (the plague is known as the Red Death). The plague’s symptoms are gruesome, and all people who contract it apparently die within a half hour. The main character, Prince Prospero, and his fellow noblemen believe themselves to be entirely safe, though, as they have welded shut all the doors and isolated themselves in the abbey. To entertain the guests, the prince holds a masquerade ball that takes place in seven of the rooms of his abbey, each colored differently. The first six rooms are blue, purple, green, orange, white, and violet, with the last being black and illuminated by a red window. No guests venture into the seventh room, as they are all scared to enter it. Every hour a clock in that room chimes, upon which the guests freeze and go silent momentarily, before resuming normal activity once the chiming stops, only to do the same thing after an hour. Once midnight comes, a person appears in robes covered in blood and resembling a funeral shroud, wearing a mask that depicts a person clearly infected with the Red Death. This figure walks through six of the chambers before the prince starts chasing them with a dagger. Confronting them in the seventh room, the prince immediately falls dead upon seeing this person’s face. The other party-goers all charge the figure, stripping them of their clothes and mask, only to find that there is no one underneath. The conclusion of the story states that the figure was not a person, but rather an embodiment of the Red Death. The Red Death also appears as a reference in the novel The Phantom of the Opera, as well as several film and musical adaptations. The titular phantom dresses up as The Red Death, and in many adaptations wears a skull mask as part of the costume.

I believe Hamlet is also brought up at some point in The Marble Nest, but I can’t seem to find the dialogue so I’m unsure if that’s true.

Next, I'll talk about another random Marble Nest clue

The Bachelor’s hover text for the beetle item says “I used to collect these as a kid. Left the collection with my father.” @pseudoquiddity found that a paper on the top of “The Beginning” Fyodor Vitin post spells out Mechnikov, which is almost definitely referencing Ilya Ilyich Mechnikov, who was a Russian zoologist and immunologist who achieved incredible scientific discovery during his life, and notably for us he was largely focused on the issue of aging and extending human life. Mechnikov was actually brought up in an IPL teletype post as one of the Bachelor’s main influences scientifically, alongside Albert Einstein and Max Planck. The relevant thing about Mechnikov here is that, as a zoologist, he did many notable studies on insects throughout his career to see how their bodies reacted to things compared to how ours did. One thing that’s interesting to me is that the type of beetles we see in the game, I believe, are based on Trypocopris Vernalis, commonly known as the spring dumbledor or spring dor beetle, which is not known to inhibit the region that the Town on Gorkhon would reside in. Another thing I find interesting is the touch text from the Alpha version of the game, which reads “Some fifteen years ago, the Soul-and-a-Halves, the gang of children who are defined by sharing special bonds with their pets, actually considered to allow flower chafers as their "Halves" due to the beetles ‘looking as though they knew something’. The idea was quickly abandoned as ridiculous.” Maybe I’m just 8.6 thousand words into this post and have finally gone insane, but I think the beetles “looking as though they know something”, combined with their close connection to Dankovsky, it seems too intentional.

In the “Feverish Feelings” ARG, the Beatles (the band) were brought up indirectly and used by the players as a clue to get more information. This also related to the clue relating to the Gospel according to John. Additionally, speaking of Mechnikov, u/Fantastic_Advice5593 theorized that the numbers on Daniil’s train ticket from one of the original ARG notes could be hinting toward the date May 15th, or 5/15 (15/5 if you use the non-American dating system I believe), which is Mechnikov Day, and is commonly recognized as Mechnikov’s date of birth. Proving this connection further, the “Messages” Fyodor Vitin post was posted on May 15th. Another interesting thing is that if we convert the time that the “Messages” image was posted to the time scheme used in Pathologic (that is, a 24-hour clock), it comes out to 19:35 (Using GMT+3 time zone, as that’s where Moscow is located.) This is interesting because “Messages” was also posted 19 days after the previous post, and I know for a fact that 19 is an important number in this ARG: The newspaper from the “The Accident” post was labeled as issue number 19, the bible passage that we saw referenced in the anagram from the “Messages” post is John 19:19, the jumble of letters that we found in the touch text for the unused lantern item includes “19,” and so does the 196-17-1 number from Messages. In a way, the number 19 is sort of a self-checking method to substantiate some of the clues we’ve found thus far.

Griffins’ Tower

Many of the details in this section wouldn’t be possible without @kurury-chan who, upon my inquiry about the tower and its accompanying pharmacy, actually visited it, got tons of cool pictures, and translated a ton of the history for me! I literally cannot thank her enough for her help with many elements of this post, but especially in this section. In the original Pathologic ARG, “Feverish Feelings,” the Griffins’ Tower is brought up a couple of times throughout, and was part of an intensive fandom discussion because many elements of it paralleled many themes and plot points of Pathologic. The following connections/possibly related facts are a combination of fandom discussion from the time and my own research:

The tower is connected to a pharmacy that has existed since the 18th century. Both were once owned by the Poehl family, who were a rather eccentric yet somewhat mysterious rich family. Rumors from the time (The 18th/19th century) speculate that members of the family engaged in “…alchemy and witchcraft, and in the basements of the house he turned mercury into gold and bred griffins. Since ancient times, it was believed that griffins, mythical creatures with the body of a lion and the head of an eagle, were the guardians to secret sacred knowledge and treasures.”

In 1994, the artist Alexey Kostroma, together with the society "Here and There" (Tut i tam), organized a demonstration/art-piece to advocate for the preservation of the tower and the revitalization of the city, which they believed was falling apart before their very eyes. During this demonstration, they hoisted a large egg (approximately 1.5 meters) onto the top of the tower, and they painted (I’m not sure what was used to put the numbers on the tower, but I assume it was paint) numbers on almost every brick of the tower. While the purposes for the those two additions rarely get brought up in conversations surrounding it, the egg and the numbers are now some of the most well-known parts of the tower, despite the fact that neither of the two are there anymore. The Polyhedron, as we know, is a tower that at the top houses children and is made from its own complex blueprints. Additionally, in the Marble Nest, but also throughout Pathologic as a whole, there is a common piece of imagery that connects eggs and the Utopians. In the opening of The Marble Nest, the item that’s used on the loading screen is an egg. If you look at the egg sprite in P2, you’ll see a crack in it that heavily resembles the Polyhedron. Daniil Dankovsky commonly uses the Latin phrase “ab ovo,” which means “from the beginning” but when literally translated means “from the egg,” and his touch text for the egg in Marble Nest reads “To understand anything, start ab ovo — ‘from the egg.’”

While playing through The Marble Nest several times for this ARG, I noticed something that gave me more confidence in The Griffins’ Tower playing a role in it. If you guys have played Pathologic as much as I have you’ll know there’s a tower in between the Stone Yard and the steppe that you can’t enter and is barely ever really explained. If I’m picking apart my brain correctly for Pathologic 1 knowledge, I believe it is implied to be a Focus of some sort. If you’ve only played Pathologic 2, or you haven’t played through The Bachelor’s route in P1 enough, or you haven’t read through the Pathologic “Corpus” entries, you probably have an incomplete idea of what a “focus” is and all that it entails. I won’t go too deep into it now, but it’s said in one of the Corpus entries that, on top of the Polyhedron, Cathedral, Stillwater, Crucible, etc., there were a number of experimental Focuses that were built for Simon Kain to test the limits of what buildings could capture the human soul and memories. It’s a building you can’t ever enter, but it does have a visible door, which is very similar to the way that Simon’s focus is described by Victor Kain. I’d like to draw your attention to the visual similarities between that tower and the Griffin Tower. I’d also like to draw your attention to the fact that, in the original design concepts of Pathologic 1 every character is associated with a specific animal, and Simon Kain’s is a griffin. What is a griffin? Well, it’s a fusion between two drastically different creatures, a lion and an eagle; a griffin is a chimera.

Interestingly, in 2005 (the year Pathologic came out) the pharmacy connected to The Griffins Tower was closed for a while because it became flooded with water while trying to extinguish a fire.

There is a photo in the pharmacy connected to the tower (which has now been converted into a museum about the history of the place and pharmacies in general) that depicts, during the early 1900s, the pharmacy sitting next to a theater called “Simpatiya” (Sympathy).

While @kurury-chan was on a tour of the pharmacy/museum she found an interesting marmite that was on display. It was created by Samuel Clarke and it’s called “Pyramid,” and the marmite has an accompanying poem: Когда ночи темные, подумайте о Кларке, который попал точно в цель. Его ночные огни создают светлые ночи, в которых вы прекрасно видите. (When the nights are dark, think of Clark hitting the mark. His night lights create bright nights in which you can see perfectly) This is interesting largely because the poem reminds me somewhat of the body text for the lantern ad found in the newspaper post.

In the original email mentioning the Griffin’s Tower, Voronika Kroy appends the message by saying “P.S. I feel like I’ll need this memory later.”

Seventh Seal

I watched this movie after discovering all of the allusions to General Block we’ve seen thus far, but being unsure what to do with any of them. For those that don’t know, the movie The Seventh Seal’s protagonist Octavius Block has been listed as one of the main inspirations for Alexander Block, and since IPL seems intent on leading us to analyze certain works of literature/film/theater for this, I decided to look into it. What I found is incredibly interesting I think, because it seems that one of the main inspirations for The Marble Nest is The Seventh Seal.

The title is based on a bible verse (from the Book of Revelations) that reads “And when the Lamb had opened the seventh seal, there was silence in heaven about the space of half an hour.” This verse appears both at the very beginning of the movie and then again toward the end. This thirty minutes/half-an-hour element appears prominently in both this story and The Masque of the Red Death. One other place it appears is on the pocket watch in the first Fyodor Vitin post, where the time on it is 2:30. I am very confident that it also appears in The Marble Nest once or twice, but despite looking I was unable to find it. If anyone else knows where it might be, either comment on this post or message me, and I will put it in this section and credit you.

The movie's plot revolves around Antonius Block, a disillusioned medieval knight returning from the Crusades. Block is struggling throughout the movie with his inability to believe in God and his realization that his whole life has been wasted. He wishes more than anything to do one last deed before his death to give his life meaning. The movie is set during the Black Death, with prominent elements of the story revolving around the plague. The movie largely focuses on how Block takes in several poor and out-of-luck folks fleeing the plague, inviting them to stay at his castle and escorting them along the way.

Toward the beginning of the movie, Death comes to take Block, but he convinces Death to play him in a game of chess for his life. This game of chess continues throughout the movie, with Death allowing Block to take several breaks in order to find clarity about his life and death. Toward the end of the movie, he allows Death to take his queen, effectively ensuring he would lose the game in the next turn, so that his companions could get away without Death noticing. After returning to his castle, everyone has a nice meal before Death arrives and takes everyone, excluding the people that Block helped get away by tricking Death.

Many things from Pathologic seem to take inspiration from this movie; most notable being the storyline of The Marble Nest (Dankovsky’s “People” screen categorizes people as chess pieces, essentially implying that his struggle against death is a sort of chess match), but there are also some smaller things. For example, there is a scene where the characters encounter someone afflicted with the plague who cries out for help, and one of the women tries to get closer to give the man water, but another person stops her, as giving water to a plague victim is futile and dangerous; almost immediately after this, a personification of Death appears. This heavily reminds me of the intro/tutorial of Pathologic 2, where a similar scene occurs.

While watching the movie, it’s very easy to see how Block was directly inspired by the main character, but it’s hard to convey exactly how without describing many scenes in detail, so I will simply describe one of them. After leaving a church confessional where he admits to his faith faltering and wanting to perform one meaningful deed before he dies, Block encounters a young woman who’s about to be burned at the stake for allegedly having ties to the devil. He takes pity on this woman, seeing something special in her, and believes she can tell him about life after death. This, to me, seems very reminiscent of Block’s storyline with the Changeling in P1.

Another small lead before this part of the post is finished: This lead, I will admit, I stumbled across completely at random, and will not talk about much because there’s not much I can say about it that isn’t obvious. It might be worth looking into the Russian philosopher Nikolai Fyodorovich Fyodorov, and perhaps thinking about if Fyodor Vitin was based partially on him, since we know Vitin works closely with Daniil.

Additional Notes/Comments:

In the newspaper clipping, it is said that a man with the initials “F.L.” had been one of the apparent two victims of the fire that burned down several buildings. This man (who I’ll simply refer to as “F” from now on) is an academician, historian, and writer of everyday life, which obviously fits well with the man that we know as Fyodor Vitin, and it has been assumed up until this point that he was the victim of this fire. I think there are three possibilities here: Fyodor Vitin was not the victim of this fire somehow, Fyodor Vitin is not his real name, or the newspaper is lying to us. In connection to the light/lantern emphasis in the newspaper, it might be worth it to note that the word “vitin” in Faroese means something like “the lighthouse”/“the beacon”, while in old Swedish it means something like “to know.” What’s more interesting is that Vitin in old Swedish is a second-person plural present indicative, and for people that got a useful education, that means it’s a verb that’s used to factually describe the current actions of the people that the speaker is saying it to. If Vitin isn’t his real surname, his username could mean “Fyodor beacon”, or “Fyodor (that you all) know”.

As discussed extensively in the section on the Tower of Babel, there is a direct connection drawn between the Polyhedron, Simon, and chimeras. We elaborated a bit on this connection in the section on the Griffins’ Tower. What’s especially interesting then is the fact that, in The Marble Nest, the Polyhedron is labeled as “focus,” implying that Simon’s essence is infused in the Polyhedron, as is what happens in the first game. This, I believe, confirms our theory about the connection even further. What then makes this even more related to the ARG is the fact that in the “One can work here” post by Fyodor Vitin, we see the three statues depicting the golden bull, the centaur, and the marble bust of a man. It is then worth noting that this bust of a man made of marble could be a reference to The Marble Nest, perhaps trying to get us to look there for clues. I believe, if the golden bull is meant to represent the Polyhedron (or at least the Polyhedron argument in The Marble Nest), and the centaur is meant to represent the chimera, then the marble bust of the man is meant to represent Simon (or, once again, represent the Simon/immortal man argument from the Marble Nest). This is supported by my point about the marble busts both immortalizing men and also making them more into concepts than men (as the statue can only depict a small part of a man’s life, usually depicting him in battle, leading a governmental position, etc). In the original game, and as can slightly be seen in hints of the second game, Simon is sometimes seen as more of a concept than a man; he is the ideology of the utopians incarnate, the perfect man that represents everything humanity could be. As a chimera is vital to Burakh’s quest, so too is it vital for Dankovsky’s (and it’s interesting to note that Burakh has the chimera revelation while in conversation with Dankovsky.) If the Marble Nest is used to represent the stone yard, or the “town” in its purest form, then Simon Kain is the marble man. It then becomes important to figure out where the “One can work here” picture is supposed to be depicting. I believe, if the statues there are supposed to represent all that we’ve said so far, the location should be representative of Dankovsky’s fight against death, and therefore I say it probably has to be Thanatica.

Now, as for all the connections with General Block, there are obviously many of them, from the Guglielmo Pepe hypothesis to the mention of Aristides/Pericles to The Seventh Seal to the whole “ash” thing, it seems far too much to be a series of coincidences. I don’t think it’s too crazy to connect the prominent appearance of the number 30 in the Block/Pepe/Aristides context to the prominent appearance of the number 30 (as in half an hour) in The Seventh Seal, which makes the appearance of the number 30 in that first Fyodor Vitin post even more interesting. It’s long been theorized that, from what we see in the Haruspex’s route and what we’ve seen in Pathologic 1, the Bachelor’s new route will probably feature General Block much more prominently. Perhaps, as the first ARG was so focused on the inquisitors, we’ll also get to learn more about the army in this one. Maybe General Ashes even had something to do with the building that was reduced to ashes?

The topic of religion, and specifically Christianity, comes up a lot in The Marble Nest. I think all the connections I’ve made in this post to Christianity have convinced you that it’s seemingly an important part of this ARG. In the first ARG, there were certain biblical passages that acted as clues, specifically from the Gospel according to John, which we talked about in the section on the “Messages” post. As is also mentioned in that section, the connection to Inquisitors Peter Kroy and Mark Karminsky seems to be driving us toward looking into The Gospel according to Peter and The Gospel according to Mark. It’s also talked about in that section how these both relate to Daniil. Mark Karminsky specifically also seems to have had something to do with the "Accident" mentioned in the newspaper, and so perhaps combining numbers from the newspaper within the Gospel of Mark could lead to some clues.

Still, as much as I’ve said in this post, there is more I wish to analyze but have not yet. This post has been in the works for a while, though, and I don’t want people to be waiting any longer, so I’ll have to save that other stuff for another day.

If anyone can somehow get into the game files of the Marble Nest and retrieve the texture/model for any of the letters or books (like the two linked images), that will end up being very helpful.

Other screenshots from Pathologic 2/The Marble Nest that could be of interest:

Grigory Gorky (Pathologic 2) Grigory Gorky (The Marble Nest) Mikhail Goba (The Marble Nest) Daniil Death Certificate (The Marble Nest) Rug (The Marble Nest) Book (The Marble Nest) Familiar Bloody Handprint (The Marble Nest) Tipped Over Lantern (The Marble Nest) Staff Sergeant Plover (The Marble Nest) Avrely Gubar (The Marble Nest) Odd use of Roman Numerals (The Marble Nest) Cathedral Letter (The Marble Nest) Plant that I found several times in the Cathedral (The Marble Nest)

#pathologic #pathologic 2 #pathologic arg #daniil dankovsky #мор утопия #Bachelor ARG

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ceilidho · 4 months

Note

Do you have any advice on doing a character study for a character before writing them? Stuff like how they’d act/respond 👁👄👁

haha it's quite tricky, I won't lie! it's definitely one of the things I struggle with the most (writing really well-rounded and defined characters). Here are a couple things that I do, but keep in mind that I'm reeaaalllyyyy not an expert on this. I'm still learning so much about characterization every day.

If you're writing fanfiction, watch or read the source material as much as possible, until you can almost hear the way the character sounds in your head. Take time to understand things like their accent and how they speak (do they talk a lot or very little? do they use slang or enunciate everything? do they speak quickly or slowly?). Here, you just want to concentrate on the cadence of their speech / their speech patterns. If they speak plainly or use lots of proverbs or turns of phrases, that sort of thing. If you have that down, you've honestly done half the work. Even I often reread my work and go "fuck, all of these people SOUND the same even though they're saying different things".

This is harder if you're not writing fanfiction and have to create your own universe, but regardless of whether you're writing for an existing IP or your own 'verse, I think understanding your character's cultural and religious background is so crucial to developing them. It's a big part of the lens through which they see the world, whether consciously (if they're a very religious character for example, or raised in a specific country) or subconsciously (for example, I grew up catholic so I relate to the world through that lens, even though I'm not a religious person - it just heavily informed me in my childhood years). For this Bear story, I had to do a bit of research around Baptist theology because I knew Bear would be a religious character (whether or not he's struggling with that religion) and it would heavily inform how he sees the world around him. I listened to some sermons, talked to someone with a Baptist background, and also thought about how that background with tie into his desire to have a family).

Pick like 3-5 words that you think best describe your character and just write them down somewhere. I've never been very successful when I make huge character sheets for my characters or try to write a super detailed background for them, so I try to give myself a bit of grace and be brief about it. You can always expand on it going forward. Like for someone like Bear, I might pick: family-oriented, religious (Christian), gruff, and scrupulous. You can also do this in the reverse way and try to think of what they're not (same example with Bear, I might go: conniving, hedonistic, flighty, and optimistic LMAO). This is a nice way to put like, boundaries around your character.

In the framework of your story, try to pick a trajectory for your character, or a goal. At least have one, but you could have a couple. If they're directionless, that works too! But they should want something or aspire to be something. This counts even if they think that thing they want is beyond them or unattainable - it's still a want/goal pushing them forward. This can also be an unconscious goal by the way -> like a very hedonistic character that likes to party who's slowly getting worn down from that life and doesn't even realize they want to settle down, or vice versa! Someone who feels trapped in their mundane life but thinks that's what's expected of them. The character doesn't have to know they want this goal.

Fatal flaws. This is a big one. What is something that might get in the way of them achieving their goal or might influence how they get it? Easiest way to think of this is just looking at the 7 deadly sins (soooo corny, but it's a good place to start). Characters are never perfect, so give them a reason to struggle.

And honestly lastly? Trial and error, baby. Take your vaguely defined character and figure out what you want them to achieve (whether or not they get it is beside the point), and then work out how they might go about achieving that. If they'd run full throttle towards it because they think they deserve it or whether they'd fight it every step of the way because they either don't think they want it or don't think they deserve it.

I'm sorry if this is very messy!! It also totally depends on you as a writer. When I try to make "character background sheets", it gives me anxiety and I end up not following through with my writing versus when I try to keep it brief and just dive into the writing and slowly change things and edit as I write. But maybe a sheet works best for you!

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sentientgolfball · 7 months

Note

Hey! My God, if you only knew how much I enjoy your writing, it's so nice to read!!

I was wondering if there could be a Phantom x Reader story? Where the reader would be a fallen angel, nothing gets out of my head that because he was recently summoned he would be totally curious about the reader.

But if it doesn't, that's okay, I love your writing! Bye Bye!! :]

— 🎃

WAHHHH THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SAYING THAT I’m soft no one touch me :,,)) I really hope you like the direction I went with this one

My requests are open !

“Unholy fuck.”

Phantom stares in awe at the place he’s stumbled upon. It was big. No, not big. It was tall. The actual diameter of the room wasn’t anything bigger than the common area in the ghoul den, but when he looked up it went on forever.

“This has to be breaking at least like…three different laws of physics.”

“It would be space not physics. And I assure you, no laws are being broken. Just a little bent.”

He stops dead in his tracks upon hearing a voice. Two voices? It sounded like a masculine and feminine voice speaking at once. He looks around the strange room he’s found trying to find its source but he comes up empty handed. But he’s stubborn. He’s not going to give up so easily. His lichtenberg scars spark to life as his quintessence flows through him. He focuses, trying to hone in on a mind, on a soul.

Nothing.

He huffs and spins in a circle.

“Did you leave? Who are you? I can’t feel you?”

No response.

He shrugs it off and begins looking at the contents of the room. It’s dim, the only light coming from the embers of a fireplace. The only furniture present is a lounge sofa and a wooden desk with a small bronze statuette of Lucifer on it. However, the place is absolutely filled with books. I mean, that part is not really surprising. He did stumble upon this place while wandering around the Ministry archives searching for a tome detailing all the current information that has been gathered on imps.

He had been searching the archives for hours getting deeper and deeper and it only now just hit him that this place must be the heart of it all. But why did it look like a regular room? He contemplates this, continuing to shuffle around the circular space until his eyes land on a book. The exact book he was looking for.

“Okay now that’s just spooky” he grabs it and flops down onto the sofa “good thing I love spooky.”

He sits now totally engaged with the material. So much so that he doesn’t notice the glowing yellow eyes perched upon one of the many shelves.

Curious, you think to yourself staring at the little ghoul who accidentally entered your domain.

You spread your wings and silently glide down to the floor, like an owl descending on its prey. He still doesn’t notice you when you land, wholly consumed by the contents of the tome.

“What does a ghoul need to know about imps? They are nothing more than low level spawn designed to bring energy back to Hell to feed Pandemonium.”

He jumps, dropping the book and staring up at you. You stare back with a neutral expression waiting for him to answer.

“I what huh where did you?!?” He flounders

You stand with your hands clasped behind your back looking at the book he dropped. You tilt your head and it hovers in the air for a moment before zipping off down the row of shelves to its proper place. He watches it fly off with a desperate look.

“Aw come on I just found that!”

“How did you find my domain little star?”

He blanches and whips his head around to look at you.

“I didn’t know this was your place. I am so so sorry. I was just trying to find what I needed, they’re starting to have me search the Ministry for any unwelcome entities like a weird guard dog and I wanted to just learn more about all the known entities so I’d know what’s a friend and what’s a foe and I kept walking cause couldn’t find and then I ended up here.”

You tilt your head listening to his rambles. He found the heart of the Ministry, my sanctuary, my domain, on accident?

“Do you know where you are little star?”

“The…the middle of the archives?” He squeaks out.

“Close” you hum “Do you know who I am?”

He shakes his head

“Do you know what I am?”

He shakes his head

“Fascinating. I am the Great President of Hell, governor of 36 legions. Or I was, until the Dark Lord himself decided my talents would be better suited assisting this cause. I am Knowledge.”

“You’re…a you’re Fallen.”

“I am.”

He has the exact opposite reaction to what you were expecting. His eyes light up and looks like he was just told the best news he’s ever received.

“This is perfect! Okay so what can you tell me about the creatures that are drawn here cause of the magic? How ‘on the lookout’ do I have to be about like dangerous things that want to kill people?”

“Are you not scared? Intimated?”

“I mean…I was at first but that’s just because you were so quiet. I’m usually the one popping into existence trying to scare everyone around me.”

You genuinely cannot believe the sincerity behind his words. You have never once had a creature speak so casually to you. It boggled your mind how natural he was. It drew you in.

“Well then, since you came here for knowledge then I will oblige. You may ask me anything you wish.”

You did not realize what you would start by saying that simple phrase. He spent the remainder of the day on your sofa picking your brain about every little thing he could think of. You had to admit, you find it very endearing. It had been a very long time since someone wandered down to your sanctuary for the simple sake of learning. You were happy to answer every single thing he asked you; you were happy to have someone to speak to, to share with.

Eventually it got to the point where he needed to leave and you bid him farewell with a promise.

“I find you interesting little Phantom. You are welcome to come here when you please. If you can find it again.”

He waves happily at you as he leaves, smile wide on his face.

~~~

Turns out, he would find it again. And again. And again. He made it a part of his weekly routine to visit at least once. He still occasionally came to you with questions about certain topics that he found interesting, but slowly his curiosity began to drift to you. For once in your very long existence you had no idea how to answer the questions thrown at you. It felt strange, foreign to talk about yourself. You couldn’t think of time you’ve ever been asked about yourself when beings came searching for knowledge.

“Why do you stay in this dingy place? I think you’d like the stars.”

“I’ve seen the stars, little Phantom. I saw their birth.”

“Yea but I bet you haven’t seen them from earth.”

“I suppose I haven’t” a twitch of a smile appears on your face.

“But to answer your question, I stay here of my own accord. I could very easily glamour whenever I want and walk among the congregation, but I do not wish to. This form is already very restrictive. I do not wish to push it farther.”

He looks thoughtful for a moment

“OH! I have an idea!”

You watch him spring up from where he was lounging to stand in the middle of the room. He freezes and turns to you.

“Uh if it’s not too much trouble.” He gestures to the embers of the fireplace.

You snap your fingers and the room is plunged into complete darkness. Not for long though. A soft purple glow starts to fill the space. It starts in the shape of lightning, but you watch Phantom’s expression change from serene to complete concentration as the light splits from his body. It’s no longer in harsh, jagged shapes, instead it’s taken the form of hundreds of little tiny balls of light. They dance around the space drifting softly through the air. One floats close to you and you reach your hands out to cup it, bringing it closer to your face.

“Light projection. This is amazing. This is one of the hardest skills for a ghoul of the stars to master.” You stare at the ball in awe before looking up to him.

He blushes slightly

“Yeah…I’m really jumbled up. Basics are hard for me but this stuff” he gestures with his arms causing more of the balls of light to swirl by “it comes so easily to me.”

“You are a gift to the universe little Phantom.”

“You can’t just say something like that!”

You stand and walk close to him, taking his hand.

“I can and I will. You are talented and beyond brilliant, a perfect image of The Old One’s creation. But you are also kind, strange for a demon but intriguing nonetheless. You are different from any creature I’ve met and I think that is a gift.”

He looks like he is going to cry and that confuses you. You didn’t think you said anything rude. You are even more confused when he wraps his arms around you, burying his head into the crook of your neck. You freeze. You don’t really know how to react. You couldn’t remember the last time you had physical contact with another being. You slowly mirror him, wrapping your arms tentatively around him. He starts to purr and you are very confused again.

When was that a feature?

When you feel his tail wrap around your arm you respond by wrapping your wings around him.

This is…nice.

You two stay like that until each one of the little purple lights die out. When it comes time for Phantom to leave he almost runs into a bookshelf trying to look at you as long as he can. Just before he’s out of sight he waves to you and you wave back. When he’s gone, you carefully touch the place on your arm where his tail was wrapped tight. You can still feel the tingle of the touch on your skin. You smile.

What is this?

#the band ghost #ghost bc #nameless ghouls #phantom ghoul #phantom x reader #ghoul x reader #nameless ghoul x reader #i hope you like it anon <3 #golfball writes

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bucketsofmonsters · 2 years

Text

The Witch’s Apprentice - Part 2

cw: demon summoning, nightmares, prolonged isolation, bugs, more tags will be added as the story continues

male demon x afab reader

Word count: ~4k

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7

He didn’t show up in another dream after that night.

You kept waiting for it to happen. It felt like an inevitability. No matter how many times you checked your books, you couldn’t find what you’d done wrong in your warding so you most definitely hadn’t fixed the problem.

The only way to properly fix it at this point would be to ask Eden and that was something you weren’t willing to do. Any trust you’d gained with her would be lost. You couldn’t mess it up. Not now, not when she’d just begun involving you in her work.

The longer you went without hearing from the demon the more nervous you got. Day after day you heard nothing, not even in a summoning with Eden. Even that would be a blessing, at least then you’d be able to get eyes on him, try and get a read on him.

She refused, insisting she was busy with things she couldn’t tell you about. The newfound openness that had come with you being involved in the summonings fell away and once again you were being excluded from her work entirely.

Impulsive. That’s what Eden had called each and every one of your attempts to do magic on your own, to figure it out without her guidance. Was she right? Probably.

Did you still wait until she left for a day to snatch the summoning book and face the source of your anxiety head on?

Absolutely.

You double and triple checked the books before you did anything. That had been driven into you, Eden had made your mistakes clear to you enough times to prove you didn’t have the luxury of confidence.

Most of it wasn’t even in your hands, the summoning circle left from old visits and most of the materials needed for the summoning still sitting together on the table. You had no idea what Eden was really doing with Lucien, what the trances were for or what deals she’d made, but the summoning part was fairly simple.

The book sat on the floor in front of you but you didn’t need it, the words long since memorized.

The second the air shifted it was filled with the demon’s sudden yelling. “One week! One week of not having to incessantly be pulled here and you couldn’t even…” The anger drained from his face the second he saw you. “You’re not your witch.”

“‘She’s not my witch.” You felt more sensitive about his wording while you were sitting here, disobeying her.

He seemed amused by the rebuttal. “Then who’s witch is she?”

“Her own, I suppose.”

“You could always tell me her name. Then I wouldn’t have to call her anyone’s witch.”

“Do we have to do this every time?” you asked with a sigh. Surely he must know that you wouldn’t fall for it, although you supposed you couldn’t fault him for trying.

With the realization that you wouldn’t budge on the name issue, at least for now, he shifted topics. “She doesn’t know you’re here.” It wasn’t a question but an observation, and an apt one at that.

You’d hoped he wouldn’t realize, would just assume she let you do what you wanted around here. The realization gave him another bargaining chip, a piece of information he could use to hurt you. You’d have to brace yourself for him to reveal it next time Eden summoned him.

But the damage had already been done, you might as well ask what you were here to ask.

“Why did you show up in my dream?”

“Aw, are you dreaming about me? I must have left quite the impression. What kind of dream was it? I hope it was a fun one.”

You tried once more, more forceful this time. “You showed up in my dream.”

He rolled his eyes as you refused to play. “I saw a chance and I took it. It’s not my fault you can’t ward yourself.”

You wanted to ask if you’d fixed the problem as you’d redone everything, if your warding was all good and sorted out now despite not finding the real issue but you knew he’d lie about it regardless. There was no point in it.

As you tried to find something useful to ask him, he helpfully chimed in, “I’m not telling you anything.”

You sighed. This confrontation was going just how you expected it to. “Yeah, I know.”

“Then why am I here?”

You shrugged.

He wasn’t willing to let go of it that easily. “What do you want from me?”

“Do I have to want something from you?”

“All humans do.”

Oh. You should probably figure that out. You took a mental note to think on it later.

“I’ll get back to you on that,” you promised him, although you weren’t entirely sure when. You certainly couldn’t say anything in front of Eden and you supposed you had no real reason to summon him again.

If you were honest with yourself, you had no real reason to summon him the first time. You knew how this would play out. And yet here he was, looming over you whilst being entirely unhelpful.

His head was tilted as he evaluated you. “If you don’t want anything from me, what should I do? I mean, I’m sure I can come up with something but history indicates you might not follow through on my ideas.”

His assumption was right. Whatever trickery he might be inclined to try would fall on deaf ears.

The problem was, you didn’t have anything better to say. You probably should have had a game plan for all of this. Maybe ‘impulsive’ wasn’t that far off.

At a loss for words, you uttered the only ones you had on hand. He rolled his eyes as the words of dismissal started to leave you

“Running away so quickly?”

His attempt to goad you did nothing to stop your momentum, running through the spell that you had memorized front to back.

When you looked up, he was gone, leaving behind an empty summoning circle on the floor.

You’d done it on your own and nothing happened. He hadn’t killed you or tricked you or broken free, he’d just stood there and talked to you.

It felt like a minor miracle. It had taken years to get Eden to let you sit silently in the room while she summoned something and you’d just done it on your own without a hitch.

You wanted to tell her. Well, to tell someone, but you had no one else to tell.

Other than Lucien, you supposed, but somehow you imagined that summoning him again just to get excited about how you’d summoned him the first time might not go over well.

Three days. That’s how long it took you to give in.

You’d done it once, proven to yourself you could summon him safely, and that opened the door to do it again. You no longer had the pretenses of before where you could tell yourself it was just to gather information on how he’d invaded your dreams but that could only stop you for so long.

You were a lonely person. You’d always been to some extent, but being stuck in this cabin certainly hadn’t helped matters.

You had Eden. For that you were eternally grateful. And for a long time that had been enough.

Demons were dangerous. That fact had been drilled into your head. You could never tell them your name or break the summoning circle or trust them with anything, but what you hadn’t anticipated was that they could make for shockingly good company.

Or maybe any company would feel like good company right about now. You weren’t sure how to tell.

You supposed you did want something from him, he was right. Companionship, not being alone for a while, call it whatever you wanted. It was disingenuous to claim you were summoning him for no reason and he’d realized it faster than you had.

Everyone had a reason. Everyone had something they wanted.

Disobeying Eden was just as difficult the second time around.

When Lucien arrived this time, he wasn’t angry. His gaze fell immediately to your little spot on the floor, not Eden’s trance circle, and you knew he was coming to expect you.

“Well, you’re nothing if not persistent.” He spoke with a laugh in his voice, ever amused by your antics.

“Thank you?”

“You're welcome.”

You had plenty of things that you could have said. You’d prepared a little better this time, with backup ideas to cover you so you wouldn’t have to send him away the second he started to question you.

Instead, you busied yourself, putting a kettle on the stove and cleaning off the counter in the room as Lucien stared on in bewilderment.

“Are you alright?” he asked as you rushed about. While it was far from concerned, it was the most genuine you’d heard him be.

“Do you care?”

“I wouldn’t normally but I can’t help but wonder what you’re up to.”

“I’m making tea.”

His confusion seemed to override the urge to be antagonistic and he quietly watched you rush about. As you brewed two mugs full of tea, you walked back over to the summoning circle and held one out for him.

He eyed the mug distrustfully. “What is it?”

“It’s for you, it’s tea!”

“I know what tea is, what did you put in it? Is there rosemary in here? Your witch loves the stuff, I can still smell it everywhere.”

Rosemary was toxic to demons. When Eden was between summoning sessions, she'd have you burn some throughout the house to ward off any unwanted entities. In times like these when she was working with the creatures and couldn’t use it without harming them, you tended to it in the garden until she needed it next.

You shook your head adamantly. “It’s bad etiquette to poison a guest. Besides, if I wanted to, I could just throw some rosemary at you. It’s not like you could go anywhere.”

“Fair enough.” A sly look crossed his face as he incredulously asked, “And you’re just going to hand it to me? Well, I’m not going to stop you.”

You couldn't help but be a little peeved at the comment. Surely eventually he would stop wildly underestimating you. “You can’t do anything as long as the summoning circle stays intact, which it is. I’m not a complete fool. Now do you want the tea or not?”

You held the mug out, waiting a moment for his response.

He finally took it, the mug looking quite silly as it was dwarfed in his hands.

“Sorry,” you said, scrunching up your nose at the sight. “We don’t have any bigger mugs.”

“I’m sure I’ll survive.”

He took a sip of the tea and you fought back a laugh at the sight of it.

He looked down at the mug with a furrowed brow. “Odd little concoction you’ve got here. So, as long as you seem averse to asking anything of me, I might as well ask. Why are you working for the witch?”

“Why wouldn’t I? She’s brilliant, she’s my best friend, she saved my life, I owe her everything. I’m just lucky she’s willing to teach me.”

“You owe her something? Has she trapped you here, what do you owe her?” He seemed eager to jump to that conclusion.

Where could he be getting that from? “No, of course not! She wouldn’t do that.”

“She’s done it to me.”

“That’s different.”

“How?”

“I don’t know, she must have a reason.”

“I know. Everyone wants something, I told you that already. But I already know what she wants from me, what do you want from her?”

“What?” You’d expected him to prod further for your motivation, maybe ask once more why Eden even kept you around, but not that. “What do you mean?”

“Come on, something’s gotta be keeping you here. I don’t buy that it's you learning magic, you had to sneak off to be allowed to do anything, she isn’t teaching you shit.”

“Hey, she’s a great teacher. And I just want to help as much as I can.”

He shook his head. “I didn’t take you for a liar.”

“I’m not lying! That’s all I want from her, to help, her friendship, some company. I think that’s why I summoned you too, is it really that unbelievable?”

“You summoned me to help me? If so, you're doing a shit job of it.”

“No, for the company.”

He scoffed. “Noone needs company that badly. Try again.”

“How would you know?”

“What?”

“The people who need company have no one to tell about it so how would you know? There are probably plenty of people like me out there who wouldn’t mind a chat with you.”

“They can just go to a bar then, strike up a conversation with someone. The demon summoning seems like overkill to me,” he noted. “You could do the same. I don’t blame you for wanting to talk to someone other than your damn witch but if you want company so badly just go to town, I’m sure someone would be willing to humor you.”

That confused you. “You know I can’t do that. I can’t leave the cabin, the forest won’t let me. You saw, remember? When you broke into my head.”

“That was a nightmare. You can walk through the woods.”

“I told you it wasn’t a nightmare, it’s the woods laying claim to me. They tried to swallow me up before, she saved me. This place is the only place that’s safe from it.”

“I’ve been in these woods, they’re not like that.”

“Maybe not for you.”

“So you are trapped here?”

You couldn’t understand why he didn’t seem to be getting it. “I’m protected here. This is my safe haven.”

“When was the last time you left? Hell, when was the last time you spoke to anyone other than your witch?”

You weren’t entirely certain, trying to quickly count the number of winters you’d seen while you’d been here. “Years ago, definitely. Probably… six or seven by now, I’d wager.”

His eyes lit up as an opportunity presented itself, his voice shifting into the more practiced one you’d heard before, designed to be convincing. “I could get you out of here. Come on, make a deal with me. Don’t you miss society? Miss talking to people?”

You immediately started the banishing spell, not wanting to have this conversation. You knew you wouldn’t be able to make him drop the issue, your talk was over.

“No, stop it, stop doing that,” he hissed at you. “Shut up!”

You didn’t let his protests deter you, barrelling through the rest of the spell.

Without so much as a warning he vanished, leaving behind empty air and a mug that promptly smashed into the ground with nothing left to hold it up.

You rushed to clean up the mess. The shards of ceramic and tea couldn’t break the summoning circle, that couldn’t be done without intention from someone not trapped in it, but they most certainly could alert Eden to your behavioral misstep.

When Eden got home, you were sweeping the last of the jagged shards into a dustpan.

“What happened?” she asked. “Are you alright?”

You waved away her concern. “I just dropped a mug, nothing to worry about.”

“Nothing important got damaged?”

“Nope.”

“Good. You should be more careful.”

With a final glance at the mess, she took the basket of things she’d gathered from wherever she’d been. She never told you where she went, it was always just ‘out.’

It felt more like a small mercy than anything. You weren’t sure you could stomach hearing about her trips to town. You preferred it this way, she just went out and returned with baskets full of things she’d never tell you about.

Days passed and she didn’t bring up the incident again.

You were out in your garden, the little fenced in piece of nature that you could safely access. It wasn’t very big, a slice of land pressed up against the side of the house, but you spent much of your time out there.

The garden was the only thing you had any real control over. Eden rarely came out here, you kept all the herbs inside well-stocked enough that she never had to.

It was also a rare subject at which you excelled. Your little sliver of land was thriving, keeping every single plant Eden brought for you to take care of alive and well.

You were pruning weeds when you found a little praying mantis sitting under some lavender.

Its hooked arms were raised defensively, clearly positioning to strike if you got any closer.

“You gotta go bud,” you said, keeping your voice low so as not to spook it any further. “You’re gonna eat all the bees and we can’t have that.”

It seemed unconvinced.

He seemed perfectly polite but you didn’t have a pest problem in your garden and you knew from experience it would hunt down any pollinators who came nearby.

“You don’t belong in here, if you don’t leave I’m going to have to evict you and neither of us want that.”

Your attempt at negotiation fell on deaf ears so instead you picked up a watering can, shaking it upside down to make sure it was empty before trying to figure out how best to scoop the aggressive little thing up.

The sound of Eden saying something drifted through the wall of the cabin and your head perked up.

“You’ve escaped this time, but you better not be here when I get back.” You gave your newfound enemy one last look and left him to consider your warning as you brushed the dirt off your clothes so you could head inside and see what Eden wanted.

The second you walked into the room you knew exactly what she’d been saying. That became obvious when you locked eyes with the last person you wanted to see.

As you stared down Lucien, eyes wide, all those repercussions of summoning him alone felt a lot more threatening than they had when the two of you were chatting over tea.

Eden was sitting on the floor looking up at him and you winced, cursing the fact that she wasn’t in a trace that would let you slip out of the room unnoticed.

“Are you even paying attention?” she asked him as he stared right over her head.

He was entirely ignoring Eden’s question, his gaze locked onto you. “I was wondering where you’d run off to, the witch had lost her shadow.”

Eden’s head jerked around and you shrunk in on yourself, her eyes burning into your skin worse than Lucien’s did.

Even with her back to him, he seemed to be able to sense her anger. “What’s wrong,” he prodded. “That’s what you have them do anyways, isn’t it? Quietly observe?”

She muttered the dismissal spell under her breath, forgetting whatever work she’d been up to in favor of glaring daggers at you.

She didn’t even check to see if he was gone before she stood up and started pacing over to you.

For a moment, you weren’t even nervous, caught up in Lucien’s words. He hadn’t given you away or gotten you in trouble, instead inexplicably covering for you. You couldn’t make sense of it, practically wouldn’t believe it if it had just happened.

The lack of nervousness ended the second Eden started talking.

“You cannot come in unannounced like that,” she snapped. “You’re lucky I had things under control. You could have put us both at risk.”

“I’m so sorry.” You weren’t sure your voice reached her, your words coming out as a squeak more than as an intelligible thought.

She seemed to understand the gist of it at the very least.

“You should be!” She rubbed her temples, taking a deep breath as she considered her next words. “I’m just trying to keep you safe. I can’t do that if you don’t listen, you know that.”

“I know, I really am sorry.”

She took your hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “Okay. Don’t let it happen again.”

“I won’t.”

She chuckled. “Well, you saw your first demon. Not ideal circumstances but what did you think?”

“Very scary,” you said, hoping that was what she wanted to hear.

“They certainly are. Unpleasant creatures, through and through.”

You nodded, hoping she couldn’t see the apprehension on your face. If only seeing him was the worst of your transgressions.

#terato #demon x reader #demon x human #monster boyfriend #monster bf #monster x human #monster x reader #demon #the witch's apprentice #sometimes I worry I give my reader characters too much personality lol #I can’t help it sorry guys #take it or leave it #The next chapter things really get going #the setup era is ending #Also the rating on this one will be changing soon ;)

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