verballyabsurd-blog
Verbally Absurd
A compendium of absurd and entertaining quotes
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"There were other immigrants who came here in the bottom of slave ships, worked even longer, even harder for less. But they too had a dream that one day their sons, daughters, grandsons, granddaughters, great-grandsons, great-granddaughters, might pursue prosperity and happiness in this land."
- Ben Carson, HUD Secretary. He's black. And clearly clueless.
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“Nobody knew that health care could be so complicated.”
- Donald Trump, stating that the obvious wasn't so obvious to this man of great intelligence and depth.
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“Look, I don’t like tweeting."
- Donald Trump told Fox & Friends two days before his presidential inauguration. It's right up there with his biggest lies.
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This administration is running like a fine tuned machine
Donald Trump, in his rambling, 77-minute press conference diatribe on 2/16/17, describing the amateur hour chaos that depicts the early weeks of his administration.
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Hey, Donald. I've got a great idea. Why don't we switch jobs? You take over TV, as you're such an expert in ratings. I take over your job and people can finally get to sleep comfortably again.
Arnold Schwarzenegger, in a brilliant retort to Donald Trump, pointing out the POTUS’ thin-skinned obsession with acceptance.
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They hired a big, big movie star, Arnold Schwarzenegger, to take my place. And we know how that turned out. The ratings went right down the tubes. It’s been a total disaster. And I want to just pray for Arnold for those ratings, ok?
Donald Trump, ever the mature diplomat, using a National Prayer Day Breakfast to take a dig at “Celebrity Apprentice” host Arnold Schwarzenegger.
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I bet it’s brand new information to people that President Obama had a six-month ban on the Iraqi refugee program after two Iraqis came here to this country, were radicalized and they were the masterminds behind the Bowling Green massacre. Most people don’t know that because it didn’t get covered."
Kellyanne Conjob, er Conway, dispensing more “alternative fact” about a non-existent “massacre.”
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"Frederick Douglass is an example of somebody who has done an amazing job and is being recognized more and more, I notice."
- Donald Trump, kicking off Black History Month by referencing the noted abolitionist in the present tense, as if he's a business partner.
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Trust me. I’m, like, a smart person.
Donald Trump, exhibiting a trait of all pathologically insecure people, during his address at CIA headquarters.
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“She’s probably deeply troubled and therefore great in bed. How come the deeply troubled women, you know, deeply, deeply troubled, they're always the best in bed?”
- Donald Trump, fantasizing about Lindsay Lohan on the Howard Stern Show in 2004
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"I moved on her, and I failed. I'll admit it. I did try and fuck her. She was married...I moved on her like a bitch, but I couldn't get there. And she was married. Then all of a sudden I see her, she's now got the big phony tits and everything. She's totally changed her look."
- Donald Trump, demonstrating his respect for women and apparently TV personality Nancy O'Dell, in 2005, when he was probably still in a fraternity.
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"Grab them by the pussy. You can do anything!"
- Donald Trump, demonstrating his self-professed animal magnetism - and vulgarity - in 2005 caught on audio and tape.
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"Did Crooked Hillary help disgusting (check out sex tape and past) Alicia M become a U.S. citizen so she could use her in the debate?"
- Donald Trump, exhibiting the campaign strategy of "let's see if dredge a bit more crap out of this gutter." Amazing.
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"I don’t think there was any racism until Obama got elected. We never had problems like this ... "
- Kathy Miller, Trump campaign county chair in Ohio, defining the roots of black unrest in America. Obama's fault, of course!
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"I think her bodyguards should drop all weapons. They should disarm immediately. Take their guns away, let's see what happens to her"
- Donald Trump, moving on to more grotesque insinuations of assassination after his birther lies get tamped down.
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"I was pretty confident about where I was born. "
- President Barack Obama, having to address Trump's manipulation of the press with reviving the "birther" issue.
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It’s a lot of work. When I’m up there speaking in front of 15,000, 25,000 people up there, using a lot of motion, I guess, in its own way it’s a really healthy act...I really enjoy doing it. A lot of times these rooms are really hot, like saunas. I guess that’s a form of exercise.
Donald Trump, telling Dr. Oz how campaigning keeps his figure fit and svelte.
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