yougottalovebuckybarnes

[yougottalovebuckybarnes]

happy womens day to everyones favorite woman

[yougottalovebuckybarnes]

"Not all men..."

Yeah your right José Pedro Balmaceda Pascal would never treat me like this

[yougottalovebuckybarnes]

Hi, I’m so sorry that you have been having a hard time and that you can’t graduate when you wanted to I know that must be hard but you’re taking the time to look after yourself and that’s the most import thing!!!!

If and when you’re up to it I’d love to see a part 3 of forgive me, also maybe with a bit of Sam included? I’m a strong believer that Sam would 100% be on Bucky and Y/n side

Forgive Me, Pt. 3 (Bucky x Reader)

A/N: This request for a third part was from AGES ago, so I apologize for the long delay lol. On the plus side, I’ve finally graduated from college so that is no longer a worry! :) Anyway, this series will definitely be getting a Part 4. I couldn’t stop writing and coming up with more ideas lol. I hope you all enjoy!

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“Hate” had always been such a harsh word to me. Of all the feelings that existed, that was the one that I never could seem to grasp fully. Perhaps my heart was too soft or my nature too forgiving, but I had yet to find a person that I truly hated.

I could not even find it in me to hate Steve Rogers, despite all that had happened. Forgiveness was still a work in progress, but perhaps one day I would forgive him completely.

It had been three months since Bucky had found me in our bathroom with an open medication bottle in my hand, and it had been equally as long since he had spoken to the rest of the team. While I found it impossible to hate any of them, Bucky could not stand to even look at them. We had moved out of the compound within twenty four hours of his confrontation with Steve and hadn’t been back since.

Our little apartment in the city was comfortable, but it was not home. I knew that Bucky felt the same, but he refused to admit it out loud. Several attempts to urge him to reach out to Steve had not gone well, and my heart ached as I witnessed his anger consume him. Bucky had reassured me that I was all he needed now, but I knew deep down that he needed his friends, especially Steve. This anger would destroy him if not confronted properly.

And that was why I reached out first.

I found myself in a quiet little cafe in the city on a early Tuesday morning, sipping on an iced late as I watched people make their way down the street to work. The chair across from me scrapped on the ground, and I looked up to find Steve Rogers taking a seat. His face was solemn, almost shameful as his eyes made contact with mine. It was a version of him that I was unfamiliar with. The weeks of sneering and secret glares had melted away into shame and regret.

Part of me thought I should be content, seeing him humbled in this way. But I could not find it in me to rejoice in this. Steve Rogers was doing just as bad as Bucky was, losing his best friend the way that he had. There had to be a way to remedy this.

“Good morning, Steve.” I spoke softly, watching him evenly.

“Good morning.” Steve nodded in response, looking a little uneasy. “Look, Y/N-“

“You know why I asked to meet with you.” I prompted, pushing past the need for small talk to get into what really mattered. I was also quite honestly not ready to accept his apology either, if that was what he trying to do.

“Yeah.” He sighed, looking away briefly. “I don’t know what else I can do. Bucky won’t respond to any of my messages and I wouldn’t dare show up uninvited to your apartment.”

“That would not have gone well.” I agreed, sipping again on my beverage. “But we need to fix this, Steve. I’ve never seen him like this before. He needs you.”

“No, he needs you.” Steve replied, his voice remaining even. “And I realize that now. I didn’t know how much he cared for you until that night. Hell, I’m surprised he didn’t tell me that you two got married.”

“That really surprised you?” I asked with a slight scoff. “After how you all treated me?”

“I’m not looking for a fight.” He held up his hands slightly. “I’m just wanting to fix things.”

It was silent for a moment, and I let out a small sigh as I nodded in agreement. We were both in agreement for at least this one thing. While I did care for Steve and the others like family before this mess, all I cared about now was making sure Bucky was cared for and supported. In order to do so, we had to work together.

“Is Sam in town?”

“He is.” Steve nodded. “I’m thinking he might be able to help best since he was nutural in this whole thing. Just talk things over with him. If it doesn’t work, we can figure something else out.”

“I agree.” I glanced at my phone, seeing a text from Bucky asking where I was. I began to rise from my place at the small table. “I have to go now. Let me know when Sam can come over to see him.”

“Wait.” Steve’s voice caused me to stop and I looked over at him. “I…I never gave you a chance to explain your side of things, and for that, I’m sorry. I should not have treated you the way that I did.”

I looked at him evenly, my heart aching in my chest at the memories of the day prior to my attempt and Bucky’s hospitalization. After a few moments of silence, I gave him a sad smile. “If you want to know what happened, look at the Tony’s camera feeds from that day. The journalist stopped me at the front entrance to the building so you should have clear audio. It’ll tell you all you need to know.”

And without another word, I grabbed my purse and made my way back towards my apartment.

===========

Bucky’s POV

It had been odd waking up without Y/N by my side. That had been all but established as part of our routine, early mornings spent together in bed. But for some reason that had been broken on a random Tuesday, and part of me wanted to investigate why.

But her return only an hour later had washed all my worries away and our regular life routines resumed as normal for the next week. Part way through the week, Y/N had left the apartment to run a few errands so I was left on my own on the couch watching reruns of ‘The Office’. But a sharp knock on my door interrupted my plans of relaxation.

I approached the door, assuming that Y/N had forgotten her key inside after I had locked it behind her. But the familiar face of Sam Wilson surprised me as I found him on the other side. “Sam?”

“How’ve you been, man? “ Sam smiled.

“How do you know where I live?” I returned a smile hesitantly, wondering if the others had sent him as one last resort to connect.

“I saw Y/N on the street.” He replied casually, and my shoulders relaxed slightly. “She thought it would be a good idea for me to visit!”

“Of course. Come on in.” I stepped aside, letting him into our apartment and shutting the door gently. “I haven’t heard from you in months. Where have you been?”

“Long term mission abroad.” Sam sighed, sitting down on the couch. “It was quite an interesting experience. But not as interesting as finding out you moved out of the compound. What happened?”

I froze slightly at his words. “Did Steve send you?”

“Can’t I just be concerned about my friend?” Sam replied, scoffing slightly.

“I’m not saying you can’t.” I snorted, sitting down on the opposite end of the couch. “But this feels like an interrogation. I have had enough of those to last a life time.”

“I did speak to Steve, but he only gave me a few details. But I also don’t want to hear just one side. I want to hear from you.” Sam replied, glancing at me. “You two are incredibly close and now you live far apart from each other. What happened?”

All that had happened began to play again through my mind. The article published, the attitude shifts from the others, the gunshot to my shoulder, finding Y/N with the medicine bottle in hand. It was almost too hard to handle. But I willed myself to speak, telling my friend all that had happened.

“How can I forgive him for this?” I asked, my voice cracking slightly. “How can I forgive all of them for this? They did not give her a chance to explain herself, and made her feel like she was worthless. I could’ve lost her forever.”

“How does Y/N feel about this?” Sam prompted gently.

“She wants me to reach out to Steve.” I sighed, sinking back into the couch. “I don’t know how she can forgive him so easily, after all that has happened.”

“Y/N talked to me too, Bucky.” My eyes flickered over to Sam, surprised by his words. “She is worried about you, deeply. “

“I’m doing just fine.” I scoffed, but slightly concerned by his words. How had I not known she was worried about me?

“So you say.” Sam replied, almost skeptically. “Don’t you miss everyone? Steve at least?”

“Of course I have!” I bristle slightly, my metal fist clenching slightly. “But how do I move on from this?”

“I know you can’t immediately forgive the others for this, and that is understandable.” Sam spoke firmly. “But you can’t stay this angry forever. It will destroy you.”

“I can be as angry as I damn well please!” I snapped, glaring at him. “They almost caused her to end her life!”

“Bucky-“

“No!” I rose from the couch, a wave of rage flowing over me. “You don’t get it, and why would you? It wasn’t your wife!”

“No, but she is my friend!” Sam did not move, keeping his gaze steady with mine. “And she is scared that she is losing you, Bucky!”

“I need you to leave.” I shake my head, walking to the door and pulling it open. “Now.”

Sam clenched his jaw slightly but did not respond as he rose from the couch before walking to the door. Just as he was about to step through into the hall, Y/N appeared with a handful of grocery bags in hand. Her smile of greeting faded as she sensed the tension in the room. “What’s-“

“Please leave, Sam.” I repeated firmly, watching him leave before shutting the door behind him. “Why did you invite him here?”

“Maybe because he’s one of your friends and you could use a visit from one?” Y/N walked into the kitchen, placing the groceries on the counter before turning to me. “Why did you throw him out of our apartment?”

“Because everyone is insisting that I must forgive Steve!” I snapped, my jaw clenched. “I can’t even fathom how you can stand the thought of him!”

“Bucky, I still haven’t forgive him yet! It’s too hard!” I shake my head as I watched him through pained eyes. “But I’m not as angry anymore. You can’t let this anger consume you!”

“I heard the exact same thing from Sam.” I let out a bitter laugh. “I can be as angry as I want!”

“Bucky…”

“Did you coordinate this with Sam? Steve too?” I scoffed, not even hiding my anger anymore. “Why are you working with the people who want you dead?”

Y/N’s face went blank for a moment before her eyes filled with hurt. Deep hurt. I had never regret speaking as I quickly as I did in that moment.

“Alright.” Her voice was quiet, trembling slightly as she picked up her purse from the counter. “Dinner’s on the counter. I’m going to go stay somewhere else for the night.”

“Y/N…” My voice cracked as I reached out to grab her hand, but she slipped away from my touch and out the door, slamming it hard behind her.

I walked over to the couch, sitting back down quietly before the first tears began to fall. I could not remember when they stopped, if ever. Perhaps the anger had already destroyed me. And perhaps I had already lost the love of my life because of it.

=====

TAGLIST (from the last part! If you wanted to be added or removed, just let me know lol)

@missvelvetsstuff

@erinallene

@ladyalexandranna

@angelwatson

@buckyalpine

@ada728

@bwhitewolfbarnes

@kjah97

@ineverybreathofyou

@sarbear94

#bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky imagine #buckybarnes #buckyxreader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes x reader #bucky fanfic #bucky barnes angst #buckybarnesimagine

[yougottalovebuckybarnes]

A/N: Hi everyone! After a LONG time, I have finally returned to writing! :) It has been a long journey for me offline, but I am proud to say that I have finally graduated from college! This fic is a little self-indulgent, but I thought it would be a good way to kick off my return to writing! I hope you enjoy!

-M <3

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Proud (Bucky x Reader)

========

My heart thudded heavily in my chest, my breathing short and shaky as the sound of cheering entered my ears. Bright lights flooded my vision as I exited the short tunnel into the stadium, but my vision adjusted quickly to find the rather large venue filled to the brim with people.

Friends, family, lovers….

Everyone was here to celebrate with us. And what a magnificent occasion it was. After a lengthy five years, I had finally reached the end of my college journey. The moment I had pressed submit on my final assignment for one of my required courses had been one of the most freeing ones of my whole life. The urge to both laugh and cry had hit me all at once, and I celebrated in quite an exciting manner with the love of my life.

Bucky. God, I loved that man more than he would ever know. To be quite honest, I did not know if I would have even reached the end of my program without his support. 5 am coffee runs, continuous attempts to make me laugh when my papers drove me to tears, encouraging texts on the days of my in person finals… his support was endless. I could not have ever wished for a more perfect partner.

The joy of finally completing college had slightly dimmed when Bucky had told me two weeks ago that he was scheduled to be out of the country on a mission the week of my commencement ceremony. The heartache in his eyes nearly saddened me more than the fact that he wouldn’t be there at all. He had truly wanted to be there as much as I did. That warmed my heart just as much as him being there.

But still, my heart remained hopeful. My eyes carefully scanned the overwhelming number of people in the confined space, trying to identify the man that I loved amongst them. But my hope slowly depleted as the seconds passed by, unable to find him. A soft sigh escaped my lips as I found my seat, waiting patiently as the ceremony began.

My nerves as I walked across the stage to accept my diploma turned into happiness, finally having accomplished one of the hardest adventures of my life. My next steps post graduation were uncertain, but there was no need to worry about that for now. The only thing I knew was that I would have Bucky by my side. There was no need to worry about the future with that in mind.

Following a few last parting words from our university’s president, we were released from the stadium. With a few parting goodbyes to my close friends, I emerged from the tunnel to where the crowd waited to greet their graduates. I watched with a small smile as all my peers met with their families, the sound of laughter and the sight of smiles filling the space. With one last look, I turned to make my way back to my car to make my drive home. But the feeling of arms around my waist caused me to stop, my heart nearly stopping in my chest as I heard an all too familiar chuckle from behind me.

“You weren’t really going to leave without saying goodbye, were you?” Becky’s voice was soft but raspy in my ear, and a smile grew across my lips before I turned around.

I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck, letting out a watery laugh as I embraced him tightly. “I can’t believe you made it.”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world, doll.” Bucky mused softly, kissing the top of my head. “I also threatened to kick Sam’s ass if he didn’t get us back in time.”

“You’re too mean to him, you know.” I shake my head with a grin, pulling back to look at him fully. “But just this once, I’m glad you added a little pressure. I’m so happy to see you.”

“’m so happy that I made it back in time.” Bucky cupped my face gently in his hands, his smile bright as he gazed down at me. “I’m so proud of you, baby. You did it!”

“I did it.” I repeated softly, my eyes pricking with tears slightly at his words. “I did it.”

Bucky leaned in to kiss me, just a gentle brush of his lips against mine before pulling away, letting his forehead rest against mine. “Let’s go celebrate you properly, shall we?”

“What did you have in mind?” I inquired with a laugh, taking his hand in mine as we walked towards my car to make our journey to wherever our next destination would be.

“ Just you wait, Y/N.” Bucky chuckled, kissing the side of my head. “It’s a surprise worthy of a college graduate. “

—-

A/N: i know, that ending was ass. I’m sorry😭

#bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky imagine #buckybarnes #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x female reader #marvel imagine #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky fanfic

[yougottalovebuckybarnes]

im sorry for not updating any of my fics (specifically my lv one). i have no motivation lol.

[yougottalovebuckybarnes]

To any of my followers who might see this, please keep doing this! Love seeing your comments, even if it’s just “AAAAAAH!” 😂 anyway, I’ll be back soon! Anticipate an update in the next week or so. ❤️

[yougottalovebuckybarnes]

the situation is still out of control

[yougottalovebuckybarnes]

Hello again! :)

Hey everyone!

I apologize for the significant delay in returning to this blog but I'm back in the writing groove, so I hope to post again soon. To everyone who sent in requests, I will get to them ASAP. If anyone else has requests, feel free to send them in!

See you next update!

-M <3

[yougottalovebuckybarnes]

rereading my own writing is just a constant fluctuation between "damn, girl, you wrote this? (affectionate)" and "damn, girl, you wrote this? (derogatory)"

[yougottalovebuckybarnes]

“Oh, I do love the West Side Highway. God, what, do I talk about all these things publicly, why?”

Happy Birthday Sebastian Stan! (August 13, 1982)

[yougottalovebuckybarnes]

💗 incoming love train! I appreciate you and recognize the amazing presence you have on this site, thank you for contributing to our community! 🌷 send this to all the blogs you love! don't forget to spread the love <3

Today marks four years since I posted my first story on this account. Felt so amazing to see this in my inbox this morning, and is just a reminder of how loving and caring this community can be! So thankful for all of you, readers and content creators alike! ❤️

[yougottalovebuckybarnes]

Me Before You (Bucky x Reader)

A/N: Soooo.... I was originally going to make this short and sweet, a little angsty. But, as I kept writing, I decided I needed to make this like 99% angst and maybe 1% fluff? Honestly, this may have been one of the saddest stories I've written so far, so be warned! Let me know what you all think! To those who have sent in requests: I promise you I've seen them and I'm working on them. It'll just take a little bit of time! :)

-M <3

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Word Count: 2.9k

Warnings: ANGST, sad themes, etc.

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Bucky never felt more at peace than when he was with the woman that he loved. If he could have it his way, he would spend all of his afternoons lounging on a blanket in a park and listening to her tell stories of her adventures at work. Unfortunately, Bucky was not always able to have that luxury. But, he always reserved Fridays a quarter past twelve to share his lunch with her. And that was where Bucky found himself now.

“Do you ever wonder what happens to us when we die?”

Bucky frowned, gazing up at her from his place flat on his back on their shared blanket. The question felt so sudden and very unexpected. As a man who was over a hundred years old, he supposed that he considered the reality of death every now and then. But after the threat of Thanos had disappeared and the events with the Flag Smashers had come to pass, Bucky only ever thought about what the rest of his life held for him.

There was no time to consider the end of his life when it felt like it was just beginning. Decades locked under HYDRA’s control that was followed by five years of emptiness after the battle in Wakanda stole everything from him. Time, his family, and even Steve. As hard as it had been to move on from that loss, Bucky never considered that this was the end. But he found significantly more joy once he met Y/N. A new purpose, a new future… a new life.

“I suppose I have.” Bucky shrugged, his gaze fixed on Y/N as she ate the last of her sandwich. “But I have nearly died too many times to count. I’m not ready to think about that part of my story yet. I want to make these years count.”

“Of course.” She smiled down at her boyfriend before laying down beside him, her head turned to face him. “I always just worry there will never be enough time.”

“What? Because you’re dating a man born over a hundred years ago?” Bucky snorted, a small smile playing on his lips. But the silence that followed made it drop immediately. “Are you actually worried-“

“Look, I’m not stupid. It’s not like you’re going to drop dead any day now.” Y/N laced her fingers through his vibranium ones, bringing his hand up to kiss it gently. “I just worry about what the future will look like. I was scared shitless when you disappeared with Sam for weeks. I just don’t know what I would do if something happened to you, baby. I really don’t.”

“Doll, I assure you, nothing will happen. And nothing has happened, thanks to this fancy new arm.” Bucky smiled but felt it falter when noticing the lingering anxiety on her face. Guilt blossomed in his chest at the sight of her discomfort. How could he not have noticed this before?

He rolled onto his side, letting go of her hand and gently cupping her face with his other hand. “Y/N, look at me.”

Her eyes flashed to his, and for a moment, Bucky felt his heart stutter in his chest. God, he would never get used to how beautiful they were.

“There is only one way that I will ever know what happens after death.”

“ And what way is that?” Y/N whispered, leaning into his touch gently.

“It will only happen after I have lived a long, happy life with you. Preferably somewhere away from this busy city, maybe with a few kids. Or, a few dogs. I’m very open. “

A soft giggle escaped her lips and Bucky smiled, letting his thumb gently wipe away a stray tear that fell from her eye.

“What I know for sure is that I will love you for every last day I exist in this life, and that is a promise.” His heart nearly melted at the sight of her smile. “ I want to live this life with you for as long as I can. But above all that, I promise you that it will be me before you, sweet girl. You will be the one to bury me.“

“I don’t think that I will survive losing you,” Y/N whispered, her hand moving to rest on top of the one I placed on her cheek.

“It’s a good thing that won’t happen for decades, at the very least.” Bucky smiled gently. “If we’re lucky, we’ll be senior citizens warm in our bed. “

“I’m trying to imagine an eighty-year-old Bucky Barnes with a metal arm. It’s hard to visualize that in my head.” “It’s a good thing that you’re stuck with this gorgeous physique for at least another decade. It’ll prepare you.” Bucky laughed, and at the sound of her own giggle, he knew that her anxieties were at least beginning to be comforted.

Truthfully, the idea of death scared Bucky Barnes to his core. But not only for himself. Before meeting Y/N, he would have felt content to have passed away any day now. He had lived over a hundred years, even if a significant chunk had been spent in terrible circumstances. Bucky had watched his closest friend leave him behind for his love, and he had accepted it surprisingly well. Sure, he had Sam, but for the longest while, it felt like all they could do was argue.

But now, Bucky was hopeful for a long life. And he also feared any threat of harm that came toward Y/N. He had spent quite some time worrying about her safety while he was away with Sam, and even now, that fear lingered in the bank of his mind. Y/N did not care about the risks that came with being with him, and part of that made Bucky love her even more. But the lingering fear somehow always made its way back to him.

“Thank you for loving me… and comforting me, even if my fears are stupid.” Y/N rolled her eyes playfully and Bucky shook his head gently, wrapping an arm around her waist to pull her closer to him.

“Nothing about your fears are silly, doll.” He reassured her, gently pressing his lips against her forehead before pulling away. “I just don’t want you to fear losing me. I promise you I’m here as long as you want me.”

“Forever?” Y/N gazed up at him, and a smile lit up Bucky’s face.

“Forever it is.”

======

It had been years since that day in the park, and her request for him to stay with her forever remained etched in his memory. Just over two years after that day, he reaffirmed that promise at the alter, nearly in tears at the sight of his love dressed in white and looking as beautiful as ever. Life felt much simpler after that. After they returned from their honeymoon, the two lovers began to search for a home away from the city. Their small apartment in the city worked decently enough, but it was time to leave this life behind.

Y/N had finished her final day of work, quietly making the trip back to their apartment as the sun slowly began to set. Although the day was over, more work awaited her at the apartment. After months and months of searching, Bucky and Y/N had finally found a house that they loved. In only a few days, they would be leaving the city for good. The buzzing of her phone caught her attention, a smile lifting her lips at the sight of her husband's name on the screen. “Hey baby, I’m just leaving the office. I shouldn’t be more than five to ten minutes.”

“Sounds great. Sam offered to help us finish packing, so I just picked him up and we’re going to get some food. What sounds better: Chinese or pizza?”

“Bucky, you know that I can cook. I don’t mind making a little extra for Sam.” Y/N rolled her eyes, as their apartment building came into view.

“Nuh-uh. You just got home from work, and we still have to finish packing. No more stress on your end. “

“Okay, fine, pizza sounds great.” She let out a small laugh at the sound of him squabbling with Sam in the background. “I’m going to let you two children go. Please play nice. I’ll need all the help I can get once you’re home. I love you.“

“Okay. I love you too, doll. We shouldn’t be long.”

She hung up the phone with a smile and stepped into the apartment building, completely unaware of the dark and hooded figure lingering behind her.

====

“I can’t believe your apartment building has no elevator, and you’re on the very top floor. A terrible choice, really.”

“One of the benefits of moving.” Bucky snorted, the pizza box firm in his hands as the two of them climbed up the stairs, approaching the last set before reaching their floor. “We did get our exercise in for the day each time we climbed up, though. That shall be missed.”

“I’m sure you’ll find something to do in your house in the middle of nowhere. “ Sam rolled his eyes. “Speaking of, when are you going to let me come visit?”

“Jesus, let us move in first before you plan your first visit, okay?” Bucky let out a laugh as they finally made it to the top. “I-“

His sentence was cut off at the sight of the front door of his apartment open. The carpet leading to the door was splattered with a substance, and Bucky felt his heart drop as he identified it as blood. Without a word, he shoved the pizza box into Sam’s chest and ran towards the apartment.

The sound of a fist connecting with flesh was the first thing he heard as Bucky pushed through the door. Y/N lay collapsed on the floor, her body shaking with sobs as she pleaded with the larger figure who knelt over her, his hand raised to strike again.

Bucky’s body slammed into the man, before ripping him off of her body and throwing him to the ground only feet away. His vibranium hand struck the intruder's nose with a sickening crunch, and he did not hesitate to strike again before wrapping it around the man’s throat tightly.

“Who the fuck do you think you are?” Bucky shouted, his grip tightening at the beginnings of a smirk on the man’s face. “How did you get in here?”

“Bucky!” Sam’s voice interrupted the conversation but Bucky did not spare a glance.

“Answer me!” Bucky’s voice grew nearly to a full scream, hysteria building up in his chest.

The intruder let out a broken laugh, glaring up at the super-soldier as he pulled on his jacket lapel to reveal an all-too-familiar symbol. “You know who sent me. They will never stop searching for you. It’s too bad I had to find her first, though. What a beautiful wife you have, Soldat.”

Bucky’s jaw clenched as he prepared to slam his fist into his face again, but his wrist was caught in midair. He whirled his head round to find Sam. “I called the police. Let me take him, Bucky. Y/N needs you. Now.”

The solemn look in Sam’s eyes caused Bucky to freeze, but eventually, he released the intruder before rushing to his wife’s side. His heart ached at the bruises forming on her face, and the stream of blood spilling from her nose. Y/N looked exhausted, her eyelids fluttering between consciousness and falling into darkness. But Bucky wouldn’t allow her to close her eyes. He couldn’t.

“Baby, you need to keep your eyes open for me.” Bucky’s voice was weak as he moved to lift her into his arms. But as his hand brushed against her stomach, the wet, sickeningly familiar warmth of blood stopped him. His gaze fell to find her entire abdomen covered in blood, soaking through her clothes and onto his hands. A gun lay a handful of feet away, evidence of what had happened before he had made it inside.

“H-He missed with the first few bullets, and got me with his last one.” Y/N let out a painful laugh as she looked up at Bucky. “He was a terrible shot.”

“How can you joke at a time like this?” The super soldier managed to breathe out, ripping off his t-shirt and trying to press down on her wound despite her wince. “He just shot you and you’re bleeding out on the kitchen floor!”

“I thought it would make it easier.” Y/N’s voice fell to a whisper, and Bucky’s eyes quickly flickered up to hers.

“Make what easier?”

“Make it easier to say goodbye…”

Bucky’s head immediately began to shake, his throat beginning to grow thick with tears as he continues to press his shirt against her bullet wound.

“Don’t you dare start saying your goodbyes. We’re going to take you to the hospital and you are going to be just fine.”

“I-“

“No!” Bucky snapped, his gaze focused on the blood that was beginning to soak up the fabric of his shirt. “Everything is going to be fine!”

“Baby, please….” Y/N’s voice was a heartbroken sob, and he finally pulled his gaze to meet hers, his eyes beginning to water. “I-I’m so sorry.”

The sounds of sirens began to ring in the air, but they did nothing to mask the cries that escaped Bucky’s lips as he cradled her broken body in his arms, his face pressed into her hair as he felt himself begin to fall apart.

“I-I’m sorry it has to be me before you, Bucky.” Y/N’s voice was weak, and he closed his eyes, tears dancing behind his eyelids as he knew her energy was beginning to fade away. He felt her hand grab his vibranium one, and his eyes opened as she pressed her lips against the top of his hand. “Y-You gave me forever in these few years, my love. And I-I’m so thankful for that.”

Bucky gently pulled away and cupped her face in his hand, gently stroking her cheek with his thumb. “I love you. “

“I love you too. Forever.” Y/N’s lips trembled as she gazed up at the love of her life, beginning to crumble in front of her. “Can you do one more thing for me, baby?”

The sounds of emergency service workers in the building broke into the conversation, but all Bucky could focus on was his darling wife, his heart breaking as she began to lose her strength.

“What do you need, doll?”

“Kiss me.” She whimpered softly, and Bucky nodded slowly before leaning in and kissing her gently, savoring the taste of her lips against his for what most likely would be the last time. As he pulled away, the room was swarmed with EMTs, who urgently began to pull Y/N from his arms. Her eyes had fluttered shut, and all Bucky could do was pray as they pulled her out of the apartment and to the hospital.

======

Y/N Y/M/N Y/L/N died at 6:45 pm after arriving at the hospital, despite several attempts to resuscitate her. Bucky and Sam had arrived not long after handing over the intruder to the police, urgently wanting updates on her condition. Sam had never seen grief as deep as Bucky’s when they were told Y/N had passed away. The super soldier had sunk to his knees, his body beginning to tremor as fresh tears washed over him again. Sam stayed with him, trying his hardest to hide his own tears as he coaxed Bucky off the ground and away from the hospital.

Bucky stayed with Sam until the funeral. He could barely pull himself out of bed to go, his sadness weighing him down. But Sam refused to let him miss it, practically pulling him out of bed and shoving his clothes at him. Although his grief would lessen with time, the regret for missing her funeral would stay with Bucky for the rest of his life.

The two of them went and sat quietly as the funeral progressed. Bucky could barely look at any of her family members, a pang of immense guilt sinking over him each time they pulled him into a tight embrace. Their daughter, sister, niece… had been murdered because people wanted to get to him. There was nothing that could be done to undo what had happened. Y/N would never come back.

As the guests attending began to leave, Bucky stood and approached where the casket had been lowered into the ground. He knelt beside it, his eyes swimming with tears as he gazed upon his bride, dead and now resting for good underneath the ground.

“It should’ve been me before you, my love. I am so sorry I failed you.”

With one last look, he stood up and walked towards the exit briskly, Sam following hot on his trail. “Where are going so fast?”

“To track down any and all of those monsters who are still out there.” He turned and look at Sam. “Are you with me?”

Sam looked at his friend silently, sadly, as he watched his pain begin to morph into anger. There was no doubt in his mind that HYDRA needed to pay for what had been done. But was this the right way? And was this the right time?

“I’m with you.” Sam finally answered, and Bucky nodded, glancing back towards the funeral before walking away.

“Then let's go.”

======

A/N 2: I.... I have no regrets. Thanks for reading! <3

#bucky fanfic #bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky imagine #buckybarnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes imagines #buckybarnesxreader #bucky angst #bucky x female reader #james barnes #james buchanan barnes #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fic #bucky #james bucky barnes

[yougottalovebuckybarnes]

Hii! If you're still taking requests I do have a question; do you do au bucky? Like chubby bucky or baker bucky?

I haven’t written any AUs yet, but I’ve been reading a lot of them as of recently. I’m definitely open to writing some :) Just let me know what idea you’d like me to work with!

[yougottalovebuckybarnes]

A pt. 2 to forgive me would be great!!!

Forgive Me, Pt. 2 (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

A/N: Hello, my loves! I apologize for nearly taking two months to get a sequel out, but there is a reason for that. I will talk more about that in a second author's note at the end. :) Thank you all for such wonderful feedback! I was absolutely blown away by the love and all of your comments! Makes me so happy to know you all have enjoyed my work!

I ended this part with an open ending. I could just finish it here and leave it up to your imagination. Or, I could turn this into a (mini) series. (I'm honestly up for the challenge, but I'm wondering if any of you are interested in more). Let me know what you all think! Also, I tagged everyone who commented asking for a second part, just so you all see it! Hope you enjoy! :)

-M <3

=======

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: Angst, Topics of Suicide/Dark Themes

=======

It took  just over an hour for her to drift to sleep, but I remained next to her for as long as I could. I did not dare to take my eyes off of her, not even for a moment. It felt as if she would slip through my fingers the moment I looked away, becoming nothing more than a warm memory and a devastating loss. Her mortality was always something that I worried about, especially when she went on missions.  I did not think that I could ever survive losing her. And after what almost happened today, I knew that I most certainly wouldn’t have.

My fingers gently pushed a strand of loose hair behind her ear, moving to linger against her cheek, still damp with tears. Even as she slept, Y/N did not look like she found peace. Dark shadows lingered under her eyes,  and bruises dotted the skin of her jaw from the mission. Her body, although settled into the mattress and against my chest, felt tense as if she could not let herself rest.

The buzz of my phone interrupted my thoughts, and my hand reached out to grab it off of the nightstand.  Steve’s name flashed across the screen, and not long after, Natasha’s and Wanda’s did as well.  I could not even bear the thought of looking at any of them so I had only asked FRIDAY to update them on what happened and asked to be left alone.  The incoming text notifications rotated between the three of them, yet I refused to answer any of them. 

I had a hard time identifying exactly how I was feeling, but I knew that anger was certainly there.  How could it not? Perhaps I had been ignorant to how bad things had become, but I trusted all of them to at least treat Y/N with some sort of dignity.  Instead, they had treated her like she meant nothing, and she accepted it without second thought. That hurt infinitely more than the wound in my shoulder. 

I placed the phone back on the nightstand, sinking deeper into the covers and gently pulling Y/N closer, if that was even possible. I let my lips brush against her forehead, my eyes finally falling shut for a moment of peace. Not even a minute later, the buzzing of my phone resumed and I couldn’t help my small groan of irritation when it did not stop. 

“Is it Steve?” I glanced down to find my bride looking up at me, her gaze still heavy with sleep. 

“Doesn’t matter. Go back to sleep, doll. I’m sorry I woke you.” 

“You need to go talk to him.” Y/N shook her head gently, reaching up to place her hand on my cheek.  “I’m sure he’s worried about you.” 

“Let him worry, then.” I sighed, my left hand moving to cover the one she placed on my cheek.  “I won’t leave you again.” 

“I will be just fine, baby. “ She promised gently, giving me a small smile. “It’s not like you’ll be gone forever.” 

“No… but you almost were.” My voice felt weak, the image of finding her on the floor with the medicine bottle popped open flashing in my mind. I had never been more afraid in my life, and the thought of leaving her now seemed nearly impossible to even consider. 

Y/N’s smile faltered at my words, and I looked away, my chest aching as I tried my hardest to force my tears away. 

“Bucky, look at me.” 

I felt myself shake my head, my bottom lip trapped between my teeth as I sat upright in bed. Flashes of what could have been flooded my mind. The lowering of her casket at her funeral, the never-ending grief that would follow it, everything.  It felt so real, yet it fortunately would not be reality, at least not for years to come. 

“Baby…”  I felt her hand against my back and I hesitantly turned to look at her as she moved to sit up beside me. “I am not going anywhere. I promise you.” 

“I was almost too late.”  The words felt so bitter as they left my lips and the lump in my throat only grew larger. “If I had come in even a moment later than I had- “ 

“Stop.” A soft hand grasped my chin, and my eyes focused on hers. Tears were beginning to pool in hers, and I felt immediate guilt for being the reason behind them. “Don’t blame yourself for something that was out of your control. “ 

“It should have been, doll.” I shook my head sadly, my heart aching in my chest. “I should’ve realized how bad things had gotten before we were sent on that mission. And I certainly should’ve knocked some sense into Steve too.” 

“He’s a smart man. Maybe one day he’ll figure it out.” She gave a small smile, and I couldn’t help but roll my eyes playfully at her attempts to lighten the conversation. 

“Maybe he just needs a solid punch to the face. I will literally knock some sense into him.” 

“Beating up your best friend does not seem like the way to resolve this, Bucky.” 

“Maybe not.” A sigh slipped through my lips, and I smiled as Y/N gently ran her hand through my shortened hair. “But it feels like the easiest way. And perhaps the most satisfying after all that’s happened.” 

“I don’t want anyone else to get hurt, baby.” She shook her head, and removed her hand from my hair to place it in my vibranium one. “You’re just going to have to talk it out.” 

“Talk it out? You make it seem like we are fighting over who ate the last piece of pizza in the fridge, not over something as serious as this.” 

“You’ll have to forgive him, Bucky.” Y/N sighed softly, looking down at our conjoined hands as our fingers interlocked. “I’m already trying to. It’s hard, but I love him like he is family. We can’t lose them. And I know you certainly can’t lose Steve again… not after all that has happened.” 

It was silent for a few moments, before I leaned in and kissed her forehead softly 

“It amazes me how much grace and forgiveness you have in your heart. And it makes me love you all the more.” I smiled before pulling away. “But honestly, killing Steve sounded like the most rational idea in my mind.” 

“Oh, stop. You would not kill him.” 

“Eh, maybe not. I think knocking his lights out would suffice. But you get the point.” 

“I know you’re joking around here, but I’m serious… please do not kill Steve.” She shot me a stern look as I rose from the bed, grabbing my shirt from the floor and pulling it over my head. “I really do want to make things right here.” 

“I know…” I leaned down and kissed her softly. “I promise that I will try to be as civil as I can.” 

“Good.” Y/N smiled before tilting her head towards the door. “You better get going, then. Don’t need anyone knocking down the door.” 

=====

I walked quietly down the hall, feeling tense as I approached the living room. I quite honestly did not know how this was going to go.  Part of me hoped that Steve had gone to bed, finally giving up on waiting for me.   But as I grew closer, sounds of a movie playing and the familiar voices of all three of my teammates smashed that hope to pieces. 

Realizing that they were too engrossed in conversation to notice my entrance, I cleared my throat quietly, watching as all three heads whipped around in my direction. 

“Bucky…” Steve stood up from the couch, but did not make any further movement in my direction.  Instead, I continued to move towards him. 

My fist connected with his nose with a sickening crunch, and I heard the two women gasp as Steve fell backwards onto the ground with a grunt. He raised his hand up to his nose, wincing as he pulled it back to find a small splatter of blood coating his fingers. “I guess I deserved that.” 

“Oh, you deserve a lot more than that.” I shook my head as I cracked my knuckles, watching him slowly rise to his feet again. “But I promised Y/N I wouldn’t kill you.” 

“Bucky…” Wanda’s hand gently touched my shoulder, but I pulled away, taking a few steps back to look at all three of them. 

“Y/N’s going to be fine.” My voice grew hard as I watched each of their faces light up with relief. “No thanks to any of you…”

“Barnes-“ 

“No, I don’t want to hear it.” I snapped, my eyes fixed on Natasha as I cut her off. “I do not want to hear any of your goddamn excuses that you think will justify what happened today, or any of the weeks before, quite frankly. I don’t give a shit that you felt ‘betrayed’ by her. You absolutely destroyed her.” 

“We’re sorry….” 

“You’re sorry…” I muttered, echoing Wanda’s words as I processed them quietly. “But you weren’t sorry until you drove her to swallow a bottle of medication in her room. You weren’t sorry until I woke up, and you had to own up to what happened.” 

The room fell silent, and I watched as each of their faces fell at the revelation of what Y/N had tried to do. Wanda’s tears began to fall and Natasha’s head fell into her hands. Steve looked absolutely devastated, but I could not tell if anything about him was genuine anymore.  

“I can’t believe how willing she is to try to make amends with all of you.” My voice cracked, but I refused to let my tears fall free in front of them. “She loves you like family, yet you so easily trusted the word of a fucking journalist over hers. How could you treat her like this?” 

The room fell silent again, and I was growing irritated of the pity party that the three of them seemed to be having.  I walked up to Steve again and shoved him forcefully in the chest. 

“Answer me, Rogers. How could you fucking do this? You are like a brother to me. I trust you with my life, and despite all that has happened, I trusted you with hers.  How could you treat the woman that I love like she meant nothing?” 

Steve’s eyes were watery with tears, but they did not do anything to smother my rage. Fuck his tears, I was angry. 

 Furious that the man that I had grown up with would treat my bride in a manner as vicious as this.  Furious that I had not intervened sooner than I had. Furious that I had not protected her like I promised in my vows, for better or for worse.

The silence was deafening, and I knew that Steve did not have an answer that would ever be good enough. My eyes flickered to the other two women who remained somber and silent. 

“Y/N can forgive you all she wants. Until all of you can answer for what you have done, I will have nothing to do with any of you. Even you, Steve.” 

The three of them looked at me silently, sadness in their expressions and tears in their eyes as I slowly turned and walked back towards Y/N's room. Despite not having harmed her physically, Y/N's life had almost been lost. It felt impossible to even imagine forgiveness, but I sure wish that I could. I loved Steve like a brother, and I had grown close with Wanda and Nat too. But no love would ever be stronger than the love I had for Y/N. And because of the lies of a stranger, her life was nearly lost in the process.  

I could hardly recognize the three of them as people I cared about, let alone find it in me to forgive them. Maybe one day, after time had passed and Y/N had healed, I would find it in me to do so.

=======

TAGLIST:

@missvelvetsstuff

@erinallene

@ladyalexandranna

@angelwatson

@buckyalpine

@ada728

@bwhitewolfbarnes

@kjah97

@ineverybreathofyou

@sarbear94

=======

A/N 2:

Hello again, my lovely readers! Here is a little explanation of what has been going on. For the past couple of weeks, I have had a really hard time with school and managing my depression. I decided this past week to take a break from college for a semester and focus on healing and finding what makes me happy again. While I am disappointed that I won't graduate when I expected to, I am excited not only to get some rest but to write more. I absolutely love writing for this blog, and my other fandom blogs as well. I hope that I can post more often, and write a lot more in general. My requests are open, so if you have any ideas you'd like me to try to write, I am more than willing to do so! Thank you all so much for the support and I will see you next time!

-M <3

#buckybarnes #bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky imagine #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes imagines #buckybarnesxreader #bucky angst #bucky fanfic #bucky x female reader #the winter soldier #bucky barnes fanfiction #james bucky barnes #bucky

[yougottalovebuckybarnes]

As much as I love sweet fluffy fics, writing angst will always have a special place in my heart lol

[yougottalovebuckybarnes]

Me too Chris, me too

[yougottalovebuckybarnes]

May I ask for a Bucky x reader: When a mission goes sour, the guilt was thrown upon her like a ton of bricks! It had been readers first time in the field, but still a comrade had been hurt due a stupid mistake! She knew that they blamed her, that she was a failure, a matter of no worth or their concern. When the public scolding was done, reader was told to stay in her quarters. After packing all her stuff in her suitcase, and cleaning the room and locking the door, she simply ties the noose , that was gonna solve all the teams problem- her spot in the team would be replaced with someone better. At least that was a comfort- that everyone would be alright, after she was gone. Because no matter how they despised her now, she loved them all with every ounce of her being...

Forgive Me (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

A/N: Thank you for the request! As a person who loves to write angst a lot, this was an interesting challenge for me! I changed a few things that were in the request, but they are fairly minor in terms of the overall plot. This is pretty intense, especially in the middle, but it does have a happy ending! Hope you all enjoy! :)

Word count: 4.4k

Warnings: Angst, Steve being a complete d*ck, dark themes (suicide)

=======

“You never learn, do you?”

A hand grasped my shoulder, and I spun around to find the honorable Steve Rogers seething in anger. His jaw was clenched as he glared down at me. “Why can’t you ever think about anyone other than yourself?”

“I wasn’t being selfish. I thought I had the shot!” I shoved his hand off of me in a matter of seconds but stood my ground. “It wasn’t my fault that I didn’t know that there was another sniper above us.”

“No? I thought you were all about being the hero.” Steve snapped, taking another step closer to me in a way that almost felt threatening. Almost. But I did not dare even blink as the super-soldier invaded my personal space. “Isn’t that what all the papers have been saying?”

I tried my hardest not to wince at his words. Truthfully, I had no desire to interact with the press at all. It was just my misfortune for a stray reporter to find me as I was coming back from my morning jog and demand a statement from me. At the time, I found no harm in it. I simply told him that I enjoyed my job and that I loved being able to help people for a living.

They asked a question or two about working with the others, and of course, I tried to answer as honestly as I could. I loved all of them, and this had by far been the best job that I had ever had. At most, I jokingly commented about the hours being intense. But of course, that greasy-haired reporter decided to twist the truth, and the story spread like wildfire.

Now, I was the egocentric bitch who couldn’t work well with others. The disconnect from the others happened fast. First, it was Natasha who had stopped replying to my texts. Only days later, Wanda was giving me the cold shoulder and it was all downhill from there. It had been hard to gain their trust at all, and now it was all gone. Despite being on the team for quite a while now, they did not want to hear a single word I had to say.

Well, all of them but one.

And that was, of course, Bucky Barnes. The man who I had married in secret just under a year ago, and the only person in this whole tower to trust a word that came from my mouth. He believed me with no hesitation and tried his hardest to convince the others of the truth. But after those efforts failed, Bucky just tried his hardest to make sure we all could coexist, even if that meant only seeing each other when we needed to leave for a mission.

And god, did it hurt to live this way. It did not feel like living, just merely surviving. I could hardly focus on my work anymore, and after watching my husband's body drop with a bullet lodged in his shoulder only an hour previous, I did not know if I could handle it anymore. I certainly wouldn’t if they could not save his life.

I felt my jaw begin to clench as I glared up at Captain America with as much anger as I could muster. Fear was beginning to consume me, and I refused to let any of them see it. “I did not ask to be the hero, but I had to pull him away to safety. What did you want me to do?”

“What did I want you to do? I wanted you to have taken the bullet instead!”

It felt as if Steve had backhanded me across the face. Honestly, I would have preferred that. It would’ve hurt less that his words did. My eyes tore away from him, and bounced around the room, watching the others just simply stare in silence. No interference, no sympathy, no emotion at all except for the same anger that Steve had.

It felt as if my heart had split in two. I loved all of them like they were my own family, and now… it was like I was just another stranger on the street at best, and a nuisance at worst. Either way… my life did not matter to them.

“Well…” My throat grew thick with the threat of tears, but I fixed my gaze on Steve, praying that they remain hidden. “I’m sorry that I can’t take his place, Steve. I’m sure it would’ve made things a lot easier for you.”

Steve remained silent, his expression still hard and cold. And as I glanced at the rest, I was greeted with nothing more than a scowl. Perhaps I had hoped that my tears would at least bring some sort of emotion to them, but they did not. And I did not expect them to.

I turned around and began to walk away, ignoring the piercing eyes that followed each step I took. After rounding the corner, I felt the first tears begin to fall. But I refused to let myself fall apart, not when Bucky’s life was still at risk. After a handful of minutes of walking, I approached the med bay, watching silently as the doctors began to bandage his shoulder. Removing the bullet took less time than I had anticipated, and I finally let myself release a breath of relief as I watched them lay him carefully on the bed.

“Ms. Y/L/N?” I pulled my eyes away from Bucky to see Dr. Helen Cho approach me, a small but confused smile on her lips. “I’m surprised to see you here. Any injuries you need to be attended to?”

“No.” I shook my head gently, glancing at Bucky again. “I’m here to check up on him. “

“He is going to be fine. The bullet was removed and he just needs a few days of bed rest at most. The serum certainly helps with the healing process.”

“Can I sit with him?”

“For the time being, I am only letting family in.” She gives me a sympathetic smile. “But I will let the rest of you come in after he wakes up. It shouldn’t be too long.”

I couldn’t imagine having to run into the others while visiting Bucky, not after our last conversation. It would be a disaster, and although I knew how important it was to him that we kept our marriage a secret for my safety, I had to see him.

“I’m his wife.” I finally admitted, almost laughing at the surprise on Dr. Cho’s face. “We got married last year, and haven’t told anyone else yet.”

“Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me.” She smiled and gestured for me to come in. “I wouldn’t expect him to wake for a while, though.”

“That’s okay. “ I walked across the room to where he lay, my heart aching at the sight of his bandaged right shoulder. “I just needed to see him.”

If she had said anything else to me, I did not hear. All my focus was on Bucky, my heart aching even more as I saw the bruises that were speckling his face, including a nasty black eye. I leaned down and gently kissed his forehead, feeling my lips tremble against his skin before pulling away.

I took a seat in a chair next to his bed, gently taking his right hand in mine as I simply watched him sleep. Despite the relief in knowing that he would recover, the ache in my chest remained as painful as it had only minutes previous. Perhaps Steve was right… it would’ve been easier if I had taken the bullet instead of him. It would’ve certainly been a much smaller funeral.

“Oh, baby…” I could barely manage to murmur, my tears finally beginning to fall free as I sat next to him. “You have no idea how badly I wish it would’ve been me. I would trade places with you in a heartbeat if I could.”

The words felt so broken and bitter, but I knew them to be true. There was nothing that I wouldn’t give to have traded places with him at this moment, regardless of how Steve or the others felt about me. After all, Bucky had gone through, he deserved to live a full, happy life. And I would gladly sacrifice my own to make it happen.

And perhaps it would be for the better if I did. Bucky would still have Steve and the others. He would still be happy here. And that was all that I ever wanted for him.

“I had to tell Helen that we got married… that was the only way she would let me in.” I sighed softly, already imagining the look on his face when he found out. “It was a little funny how surprised she was. I suppose it makes sense. How did a girl like me wind up marrying a man as wonderful as you?”

I could already hear Steve’s voice echoing down the hall, and I closed my eyes, preparing for yet another confrontation with him.

“I have to go, Bucky. I love you so much.” I stood up and gently kissed his forehead once more before making my way towards the door leading out of the med bay. I turned once more, glancing blurry-eyed at my husband’s unconscious figure in bed before moving into the hallway. “I pray you will forgive me one day.”

The words felt heavy, and truthfully, so did my soul. It was my fault that he was here, and that guilt would follow me forever.

The moment I stepped out into the hallway, Steve Rogers had just begun to round the corner to approach the med bay. He paused, his eyebrows furrowed, almost questioning why I was there in the first place. But he just shook his head, bumping past my shoulder harshly before entering the room where I was only a minute earlier. I closed my eyes, praying that I would not start crying for what felt like the hundredth time that day.

“Glad to have you back, Buck.”

My eyes flashed open, and I turned to see that my husband had finally regained consciousness, smiling brightly despite having been shot in the shoulder only hours previous. I felt both Wanda and Natasha brush past me, not nearly as harsh as Steve had but still as dismissive. The giggles and good-natured laughs between all of them made my heart ache even more but reminded me that I was right.

He was surrounded by so much love, so many familiar faces. It seemed that all Bucky knew these days was laughter and happiness, and the thought of that made me smile. The pain from his past was finally beginning to disappear, and this new chapter in life was beginning.

Bucky would be okay.

Without looking back into the med bay, I began to walk toward the elevators, wanting nothing more than to escape this tension. It wasn’t until I reached my room and had turned on the water to my shower that I realized how tired I was. The person looking back at me through the mirror was indeed a shock.

Strands of Y/H/C hair wildly sticking all over the place, a solid bruise painting the skin of my jaw. It had been a rough day, and I looked like I certainly had an awful one. But it was my eyes that truly took me aback.

It wasn’t the red that rimmed them or the soreness of my eyes that caused me to freeze. It was the exhaustion and hopelessness that they held.

The women before me in the mirror appeared to be broken, shattered. And I certainly was.

Not even the warmth of the water or the scent of my favorite body wash comforted me. My tears had ceased, but the emptiness inside remained. I quietly pulled on some sweatpants and a t-shirt before climbing into my bed. It felt oddly empty, considering that I shared a bed with Bucky most nights. But I eventually found some sort of comfort, laying quietly in bed wrapped in blankets while staring at the ceiling.

My last conversation with Steve played over and over again in my head, particularly his last words to me.

“What did I want you to do? I wanted you to have taken the bullet instead!”

I slowly rose from the bed and walked into the bathroom, greeted with a much more presentable image of myself in the mirror. With shaky fingers, I opened the mirrored door, finding all of my familiar toiletries inside. I slowly pulled the bottle of painkillers from its place on the shelf and shut the door. I leaned against the opposite wall, and slowly sank to the floor, my eyes closing once more to prevent tears from falling.

Perhaps a bullet was more of what Steve had in mind, but death did not care which way we came to lose our life. And quite frankly, neither did I.

=======

Bucky’s POV

The first thing I remembered after starting to regain consciousness was the sound of my bride's voice. Her words were soft murmurs, almost as if my head was underwater. “Oh, baby… you have no idea how badly I wish it would’ve been me. I would trade places with you in a heartbeat if I could.”

Y/N’s voice was broken, tears lingering behind her words that she desperately tried to hide. She carried guilt that did not belong to her and I wished so desperately I could get myself to wake up completely and hold her.

It was my fault we hadn’t noticed the sniper above us. The entire mission was chaos before this had happened, bullets flying and more HYDRA agents appearing by the second. Our target was only a couple dozen feet away and Y/N did not hesitate to step forward to shoot. The sniper had been fast, but I had been faster, able to push her out of the way and take the bullet directly to my flesh shoulder. I couldn’t remember much after that, just the sounds of my wife crying as she tried to drag me to safety and then the voices of the others that boarded the jet.

“I had to tell Helen that we got married… that was the only way she would let me in.” She sighed softly, but with a hint of a laugh emerging in her next sentence. “It was a little funny how surprised she was. I suppose it makes sense. How did a girl like me wind up marrying a man as wonderful as you?”

If I had been fully conscious, I would have rolled my eyes at her last statement. It was quite the opposite, as much as she tried to deny it. Before Y/N, I had never imagined this life. Falling in love, getting married, perhaps a few children a few years down the road. I didn’t think I deserved this happiness, but I was thankful to have it.

“I have to go, Bucky. I love you so much.” I felt her soft lips against my forehead, and I knew I was only seconds from fully regaining consciousness. “I pray that you will forgive me someday.”

Forgive her? There was nothing to forgive. Sure, this had been a terrible day, but I made that choice. She did not deserve to carry that pain with her. But with that, her voice disappeared and I heard new voices grow louder. I slowly opened my eyes, wincing at the brightness of the white lights above me.

“Glad to have you back, Buck.” Steve Roger’s face came into my line of vision and I smiled at the sight of my closest friend.

“I guess I got lucky this time, eh?” I couldn’t help but joke about this now, knowing that I had survived what could have potentially been my last day on Earth.

“Lucky would’ve been you avoiding the shots, to begin with,” Steve replied, and I rolled my eyes. Before I could speak again, Natasha and Wanda came into the room, friendly smiles already lighting up their faces.

“I guess the Winter Soldier isn’t completely invincible, huh?” Natasha teased.

“I suppose not.” I laughed, looking at both of them brightly. “Thanks for coming to visit. Although I shouldn’t be here much longer today.”

“IF your shoulder is healing well, Barnes.” Dr. Cho’s voice chirped, stepping close to inspect the bandage. “You will be on bed rest for a few days, though.”

“I can live with that,” I responded, accepting my fate of time off. It couldn’t possibly be that bad.

I frowned, looking around and not seeing her face anywhere. “Where’s Y/N?”

The three of them looked surprised at my question, not expecting it.

“I’m not sure. She may have gone to her room.” Steve shrugged, seeming indifferent to this conversation.

“What happened?”

“Nothing happened.” Steve’s voice was defensive, and his brow furrowed. “Why are you so concerned about Y/L/N?”

“Why have you continuously treated her like she doesn’t belong here with us?” I snapped, feeling uneasy about what had happened between the four of them when I was unconscious. “She earned her place here as much as I have.”

“The way she has spoken to the press about us and her job has made it hard to be all warm and friendly with her, Bucky.”

“You would rather trust a nosy journalist over your friend?” I scoffed, unsurprised that Steve was holding this grudge still but worried that things have gotten worse. “That speaks more about you than her.”

“Y/N does not belong here, Buck. “ Steve shook his head slowly, essentially ignoring my words from only moments ago. “She certainly did not belong with us on that mission today. That was abundantly clear.“

I froze at his words, understanding the implications behind what he said. Steve blamed her, and by the looks that Natasha and Wanda were giving me, he was not the only one.

“Don’t.”

“Bucky, she was being arrogant. She-“

“This was not her fault, Steve.” I glared at him, ignoring the slight throb in my shoulder as I moved to sit up further. “She had the shot. We didn’t see the snipper in time, and I pushed her out of the way. This is on me.”

“Bucky…” Natasha sighed and parted her lips to speak, but the sharp look I gave her silenced her immediately.

“No, I don’t want to hear it. The way you have all treated her is absolutely disgusting. And most of that has been when I was around. So, tell me, Steven, why isn’t Y/N here right now?”

The room went quiet, the three of them glancing at each other uneasily.

“Bucky-“

“No more bullshit, Steve.” I snapped, nearly seething with anger as he continued to dance around my question. “Tell me what happened.”

Steve looked at me, his eyes beginning to water and his mouth beginning to open to speak. But the sound of FRIDAY chose the perfect timing to interrupt.

“Sergeant Barnes, your wife is showing signs of severe distress. She is currently located in her room on the third floor. “

“Your wife?” Steve’s voice was nothing less than shocked and even sounded a little disgusted. But I did not wait around to address him again.

It took only a matter of seconds to make it out into the hallway, despite numerous protests from Natasha and Dr. Cho, and took what felt like an eternity to make it to Y/N in our bedroom. Each step felt heavier than the last, my pulse racing as the last words she spoke to me rang in my mind.

"I pray that you’ll forgive me someday."

The door hit the wall with a loud smack, but I frankly could not give a damn about what potential damage it inflicted on the wall. “Y/N? Doll, where are you?”

Soft sobs echoed in the bathroom, and I immediately opened the door leading inside it. My heart dropped as I found Y/N collapsed on the floor, a bottle of pills loosely grasped in her hand. The lid had been popped off.

“Baby.” I sank to my knees in front of her, taking her face in my hands urgently. “I need you to tell me how many you took.”

Y/N’s bottom lip trembled, and she tried to look away. But I refused to let her, gently pulling her back to look at me. “Doll, how many-“

“I couldn’t do it.” Her voice was weak, tears still steadily falling down her face. “I-I tried, but I couldn’t.”

“Okay, sweetheart.” A wave of relief rushed over me at her words, but the sight of my wife falling apart on the bathroom floor only made my heart ache more. “Can you give me the bottle?”

Her eyes flickered to her hand holding the bottle, fingers tightly clenching the plastic. But Y/N nodded slowly, lifting her hand to place it in my grasp. The moment it touched my hand, I placed it on the counter and gently moved to pull her into my arms.

Y/N’s body trembled as she cried into my chest, and it took everything in me not to do the same as I whispered repeatedly into her ear. “You’re going to be okay, baby. I promise.”

=======

After some time had passed, I quietly moved the two of us back into the bedroom, placing her onto the mattress before climbing in next to her. She lay quietly for a few moments with her head resting against my good shoulder before she lifted her head to look at me. The soft Y/E/C eyes that I had fallen in love with were red with tears, filled with a pain that nearly broke me in two. “I’m sorry, Bucky. “

“Sssh.” I gently pressed my lips against her forehead. “You don’t need to apologize.“

“I do,” Y/N mumbled, sniffling softly. “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. You getting shot, and then you find me here. It should have been me.”

“Baby, stop. It wasn’t your fault.” I shook my head at Y/N’s words, gently tipping her chin up to gaze down at her. “You can’t blame yourself for this. I made that choice. I will always put you before me.”

“It’s not just me who thinks I’m to blame.” Her voice was a broken whisper. “The others, Steve - “

“What did Steve say to you?” I interrupted, already feeling tense at the mention of his name.

“He told me that I was selfish…” Y/N finally admitted quietly, her eyes looking everywhere except at me. “He thought that I was trying to be the hero, dragging you back to the jet after what happened. And he thought… that it should’ve been me.”

The hurt in her voice did not even compare to the expression in her eyes. It was as if she believed them, accepting the terrible things they said without a second thought. And I had not been there to stop this from happening.

“I’m going to kill him.”

“No, you are not.” She let out a small snort of amusement, giving me the same reassuring smile she had given me thousands of times before that only served to mask her pain. “That man is your best friend. How could you function in the 21st century without him?”

“This isn’t funny.” I scolded gently, my eyebrows furrowed as I gazed down at her. “You are my wife. I do not care if it's Natasha or even Steve who says these things. You do not deserve to be treated like this, especially because of things you never said.”

“Bucky, I have done everything I can to try to convince them that what was printed in that article wasn’t true.” Y/N’s smile faded as she took my left hand in hers, squeezing gently. “They will never believe me. And I realize now that this is how things will be. “

“No. It cannot be like this anymore, doll. “ I shook my head, my own tears finally bubbling to the surface at her words. “Look at what happened today… it nearly destroyed both of us. “

“What if Steve was right?” Her blunt response tore right through me. “I was hurt when he said that he thought it should’ve been me, but… at least things would have been easier. No one here would care if I came home or not. “

“Do you have any idea how devastated I would be if something happened to you?” I whispered brokenly. “My priority, always, is to keep you safe. I will take a hundred bullets to the chest if it means that you are safe, and you are alive. “

“Your happiness should be a priority, Bucky.” Y/N sniffled, sitting up and resting her back against the headboard. “They make you happy. Steve, especially. Who am I to stand in the way of that?”

Out of everything that she had said, this stung me the most. Of course, I was happy around everyone else in the tower. I had become good friends with most of them and was the closest with Steve. But nothing would ever compare to the happiness that Y/N had given me. I had never expected to find love, and I honestly thought I did not deserve to. But falling in love with her was so easy, and it brought me more joy than anything my life in the 40s ever had.

“You make me happy.” I sat up next to her and took her hand in mine again. “Always. I have loved you since the day we met, and I plan to spend the rest of this life with you. If they can’t accept that, we can spend it away from here.”

“Bucky…” Y/N sighed, the wheels in her mind clearly beginning to turn.

“I’m serious.” I gently place a kiss on the top of her hand and smiled at her. “I promise you, I won’t be giving anything up. You are my happiness, doll. Wherever you go, I go. “

She nodded slowly, her eyes beginning to pool with tears. But for the first time this evening, her eyes were filled with hope and happiness.

“I love you.”

I smiled and cupped her face, leaning in to press a gentle kiss to her lips. “I love you too, doll.”

========

A/N 2: I was conflicted on the ending. I wasn't sure if I wanted to have Bucky confront Steve, but this was already over 4k words lol. Anyway, if any of you are interested in a part 2, let me know. I think this works fine, but I think I kinda suck at writing endings. XD.

-M <3

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