alden-the-autistic

[alden-the-autistic]

[alden-the-autistic]

“That’s right…. my son’s paediatrician says that my autistic way of parenting supports my son too well for him to be traumatised enough for a diagnosis, so we should let school traumatise him and come back later…

…Which brings me to thinking about how we identify autism in the children who are now being raised by autistic parents in a respectful and supportive way. The children who have experienced acceptance of their autistic neurology from birth and who have never been exposed to harmful therapies.

Autistic children raised by accepting parents, often autistic themselves.”

[alden-the-autistic]

I heard too many sounds at once and now I am a bitch

[alden-the-autistic]

moments from my Past

[alden-the-autistic]

[alden-the-autistic]

While Apple Sauce seems to have people’s attention

[alden-the-autistic]

One of the worst feelings is when you feel a hyperfixiation slipping.. Like no.. Youre so sexy pls keep giving me happy chemical

[alden-the-autistic]

This isn't unique, but I get made fun of for it a lot:

I can't really watch people get hurt/embarrassed on tv. The Office and AFV? Can't watch them.

This includes needles, and fictional injuries- especially gruesome neck injuries for some reason. It makes my neck feel really... Yucky? That isn't the right word.

My little brother makes fun of me for using chopsticks, especially for non-asian foods. I DON'T LIKE GREASY FINGERS! Sorry that you like to have grubby hands when eating popcorn, fries, and chips, but for me it ruins the experience!

I drop objects I'm holding whenever I'm distracted, and my friend confuses words that sound similar (centaur and minotaur). What's your weird trait that's unique to you?

[alden-the-autistic]

Growing up autistic was kinda like growing up surrounded by mind-readers who

were bad at reading your mind specifically, and kept mistranslating your thoughts and getting pissed at you for stuff you weren't actually thinking

constantly punished you for not also being a mind-reader

to the point you grew up thinking you were evil for not having superpowers like everyone else

[alden-the-autistic]

Me: wakes up

My brain: IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAY AND I MUST *DANCE*!

Me: Neat. So that means we have enough energy to work on school stuff right?

My brain: nevermind, I wanna sleep now.

Me: but... You were just wild and goofy a minute ago, we need to do school work.

My brain:

Me: No! We have to do stuff!!!

My brain:

Me: 😑

Sometimes being autistic is just so random. I'll ask my brain why it's so listeless today and it's just like "it's going to rain today so we've suspended account services, please check back later :)"

[alden-the-autistic]

Are there things you feel companies could be doing to improve their inclusion of people with disabilities?

Katy: There are a lot of easy, non-expensive things companies can do — using special fonts, allowing the employee to work from home where they will be able to concentrate on their work, and allowing us to utilize available technologies, where required, are just some simple examples. However, I think the most important hurdle is the first one; the hiring process. Hiring managers and HR need to be aware of how they hire and what biases they may have. Take one example, which has happened to me a number of times. At interview, don’t give candidates “tests” with no warning — it just isn’t inclusive. I don’t care what the job role is. It isn’t necessary for assessing whether a candidate is a “good fit”.  Be sure to allow extra time, or let people do the test at home with the software and time they might need. Dyslexic employees could be some of your smartest, most imaginative, and highly motivated employees. Instead of penalizing us for our perceived deficiencies, make the most of our talents.

[alden-the-autistic]

"you're an old soul" I have a developmental disorder that isolates me from my peers & leads me to seek adult validation while escaping into unusual hobbies that for some reason get me labelled as 'mature', thanks for noticing :)

[alden-the-autistic]

every day i am percieved™️

[alden-the-autistic]

Hey students, here’s a pro tip: do not write an email to your prof while you’re seriously sick.

Signed, a person who somehow came up with “dear hello, I am sick and not sure if I’ll be alive to come tomorrow and I’m sorry, best slutantions, [name]”.

[alden-the-autistic]

"Is something wrong?" She points to my leg, vibrating happily.

"No, not really."

"Are you nervous?"

"No mom."

"Then why are you bouncing your leg like that?"

"It's stimming and it feels nice mom."

She looks at me sideways. "Is this one of your 'autism' things?"

"Yes."

"I'm just worried you're going to use that diagnosis as an excuse to slack off. Just because a doctor told you you're autistic doesn't mean you have to be defined by it."

The past 9 years I'd been pushing myself too hard. I'd gotten sick at the end of every term like clockwork. Everything from a cold to vertigo to pneumonia. I'd been suicidal for at least 6 of those years.

Three years ago, I thought I could fix my lack of social grace by taking a job that forced me to be social 24/7. I would never be off the clock.

That's when my grades tanked. That's when I started craving 18 hours of sleep per day. That's when my stuttering episodes started. That's when the world started to be a kaleidoscope of stabbing light, deafening sounds, and disgusting smells & textures.

And then I got my diagnosis.

And everything began to make sense.

And I didn't hate myself for being a drama queen anymore. Because I wasn't being a drama queen. My brain was rebelling against the abuse I put it through.

I'm still not okay. Three years later and my brain is still in a fog. Somehow I managed to get my bachelor's degree. But concentrating is exhausting to the point of near impossibility.

During covid, I've been focusing on my mental health. I've been trying to tackle the concentration problem. It hasn't worked, but I accidentally got my suicidal thoughts down to a daily basis instead of an hourly basis.

But despite working to make my mental health the best it's been in half a dozen years, I still feel like a failure. I still feel useless. I still feel like I'm making excuses to slack off.

And her comments feed that insecurity, though she means well.

I school my emotions. She's never been satisfied with any of my achievements. Putting stock in her opinion of me has only made me feel bad.

"Yeah mom. I'll do my best."

"How many jobs have you applied to today?"

"I looked. No new listings that I could find. No one wants a college hire, as usual. They want experience but are unwilling to give it."

"Keep trying. Employers are going to start wondering what's wrong with you now that you've been out of school without a job for a year."

I tried to distance myself from the sharp stab at the heart of my current anxieties.

"I'll do my best mom."

[alden-the-autistic]

Semi-verbal episodes

I know exactly what I want to say but my mouth refuses to get the memo. I know the words I want to use but my mouth won't cooperate.

It's difficult to breathe because my speech is hitched, disjointed, and not flowing like it should. I'm frustrated.

I sound stupid. The people around me assure me that I don't sound stupid.

I try speaking slowly. It helps, but I'm still frustrated by my inability to communicate quickly and effectively. I can write just fine. I can write almost faster than I can speak, but people don't want to wait to read what I have to say.

So I withdraw from conversations. I do something else. Mom asks me a question and I've forgotten that I can't speak, so my words come out like a choke or a bad zoom connection.

Other days I have a different type of problem. I know what I want to say but I can't remember the words! I can't even type out what I want to say because I simply can't find my words. The concept is there, but the translation into something others can understand is missing.

I feel even more stupid. I still have complex thoughts, but I sound like a toddler.

Is this how other autistics feel all the time? The one's that allistics label as "Low Functioning"?

#actually autsitic #autism #autistic #actuallyautistic

[alden-the-autistic]

I just realized my response was too chatty and off-topic. Pardon me, I'm tired, which makes my brain-mouth filter go wonky. I'll delete my response upon request.

Are there autistics that do not apologize for fear of showing affection? Other question: is it an autistic thing?

It’s quite possible. I do apologise, maybe too much, but I do avoid saying other things out of anxiety