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aloha-spirit · 9 months

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A Battle you know nothing about - Midnight in Austin Chapter 2

chapter summary: Mae's second gig at the Tipsy Bison leads to her opening up to our favourite Miller

rating: PG13

warnings: age difference (Joel is in his 30s, reader is in her 20s), mention of death/breakdown/suicide, smoking

word count: 3.9k

The song Delores is originally performed by The Wandering Hearts - presented here as Mae's song

You're as smooth as Tennessee whiskey

You're as sweet as strawberry wine

You're as warm as a glass of brandy

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

And honey, I stay stoned on your love all the time

Tennessee Whisky - Chris Stapleton

You stood at the sink, rinsing your mug for the 800th time, just staring out into the yard. You'd grown familiar with days like these. The simplest task would have you drifting off, locked in your own head, no real thoughts just emptiness. Today, however was different, you'd been in a dream state since Friday night at the Tipsy Bison and it was Wednesday now and all your thoughts kept rolling back to Joel. Then the same creeping sickness of betrayal and an itchiness would wash over you. Over and over again.

By anyones account, you'd had a great night reminiscing with the Miller brothers. You'd seen Sarah's last 10 years unfurl in front of you through quite literally every photo Joel possessed of her, you'd heard far too many sordid details of Tommy's one night stands and you'd shared what felt safe which these days, wasn't much. Joel had looked at you so softly, through those thick, downward lashes like he knew there was so much you weren't saying, but unlike everyone else neither of them pushed. They just let you be, took you on their journey. Once you realised it was way past when youd expected to leave Joel had walked you to your truck.

'Is this thing even road legal Mae, its ancient. Let me drive you home I cant let you leave in this' He looked genuinely distressed as you flung yourself in the drivers seat.

'Joel please, Tess is perfectly safe. I love her, I trust her - I am fine' Joel bought his hand up to hold the door open as he maintained the eye contact he had barely dropped all night, you shifted in your seat and moved you eyes to the hand now engulfing what felt like half the window frame.

'At least let one us know you're home safe' he said, digging out one of his crumpled business cards from his back pocket to hand you.

'this in case I need any contracting done?' you smirked

'well, that too. But no, its just, yanno, if you need someone, anything. Just let us know you're home ok?'

'Ok Dad' you quipped at him winking. That finally pushed him to close the door of Tess. 'See you next week Mae' and with that Joel was backing away from you and towards his own, much newer truck at the other side of the parking lot.

The business card had been staring at you all week from your bedside table. You resolved just to text Tommy you were home Friday night, but you couldn't help but wonder about Joel 'in case you need someone, anything'. You weren't sure what you needed anymore, you weren't sure what you needed were more complex feelings which is exactly what his gentle tone and protectiveness were giving to your life right now and you'd barely spent 2 hours with the man.

You needed to get your shit together, Wyatt was coming over tonight to talk about your next set and you had a horrible feeling he was going to suggest you sing your own songs. You knew his pushing was coming from a place of support and that he meant well but the way you felt currently you were liable to scream fuck off right in his supportive little face.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'I just don't get, why you wont sing any of your own songs anymore'

'Wyatt please, first I haven't written a single song since Luke, not one, I can't. I used to wake up every day with an idea, I cant tell you the last time I had an idea, I really couldn't and I just cant bare to even look through my stuff to cobble a set list together and even if I could, I don't think the words would even come out. If i could even play the chords Wyatt, its like its all just, just stuck'

You knew it was ridiculous. There was no real reason you couldn't sing your own songs. It was in your head, which honestly made the whole things worse.

'Mae, Wyatt is right, what about just one? Not a whole set, just one?'

Oh wonderful, your mother had decided she also needed to board the we know what's best train, next station Mae town. You rested your forehead on the cold marble of the breakfast bar and stared at the ground and let out a pained groan.

'I appreciate you are both trying to help. I know you wish I would wake up and get over it. Move on like you did when dad died. But I'm not you. I'm not there. It needs to be my decision, maybe I will sing my own song. Maybe I wont. I just wish you two didnt care so much about that decision'

'No one expects you to get over is Mae, you're the only person who uses that phrase. You're the only person who thinks thats what we all want from you. All we want, it to have Mae back, the Mae who sang and had ideas and wanted to achieve something. And for the record Mae I did not 'move on' after your Dad died, I just decided to keep living when he wasn't and with that your mom was gone from the room. You knew you shouldn't have said it but she just didnt get that you were both different. It wasn't that you didnt want to keep living, you just didnt know what that looked like anymore.

'Wyatt can we just drop this today. Please. Ill be there Friday, I promise. I want to be on stage, but just let me decide what I sing. Please' Wyatt simply got up and kissed the back of your head with your eyes still trained to the floor.

'We just love you, thats all' and left. Alone again with your empty empty head, you wen upstairs and grabbed your guitar along with the business card before you could stop yourself and headed for the swinging bench at the end of the back yard.

You weren't strictly honest with Wyatt and your Mom earlier. You had written one song since Luke, you just didnt want to play it for them. You didnt want them to hear that pain, how you really felt, it felt too honest to share it. You mulled over the song, and the conversation with them both spinning Joels card in your hand. Before you could stop yourself you were typing in his number and sending a text.

M - Did you really mean anything when you gave me your card?

You weren't really sure why you were asking Joel, or what you'd even say beyond this. He just felt safe, neutral. He barely knew the you before, so maybe he would judge the you after less. He was typing

J - Mae?

J - If it is you, then yes

M - When Saras mum left, did you ever just want to scream fuck off at everyone's well meaning faces and advice

He started to type, then stopped. A full 5 minutes passed. 'Fucking hell Mae you barely know the man, why on earth would you ask something so personal'

M - Sorry, not my place, forget I messaged

He replied almost immediately

J - every fucking day and every day since

J - dont be sorry, was figuring out if I should be honest or not, didnt know if it was helpful

M - thank god someone who is honest! I know they care I just wish they'd let me be, apparently there is a timeline on grief

J- yet

J - theres no timeline, only you get to decide when to move past it

M - when did you decide

You have no idea if Joel had ever moved on or been with someone else, you just needed to know if you were alone

J - I haven't

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yet was definitely an added after thought, you couldn't help but wonder why. Perhaps this was your time to progress. Slinging your phone down on the grass, you held on to your guitar and started to rehearse the one song you thought you'd never let out into the open.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Tipsy Bison was heaving again but Joel and Tommy had secured their usual seats towards the back. Joel was waiting for Tommy this week and as he waited he found himself looking at his conversation with you. You hadn't replied to him and he didnt want to press you, he just hoped he hadnt upset you some how.

'aha, you got the best seats in the house brother, y'ok, you look away with the fairies there?'

'mm no, no I'm fine sorry, Sarah was on one when i left, long day' Joel bluffed with Tommy. He wasn't sure he needed Tommy knowing you'd text him, figured it wasn't anything that needed sharing.

'You seen Mae yet? Wyatt looked stressed wondered if she hadn't shown'

'No.. No I haven't but I'm sure she'll be here..'

You sat in the parking lot in Tess. 5 missed calls from Wyatt. You were going to go in, you promised yourself you would you just needed 5 more minutes. However, this was the 4th time youd mentally told yourself 5 more minutes and time was running out. You couldn't let Wyatt down, you had to show him you were listening, but you wanted him to listen too. You swung open the truck door and felt the cool October night wrap around you, before jogging into the back of the bar.

'cutting it fine Mae' Wyatt was pretty much waiting at the door for you, leant against the wall with a curious, nonchalance.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'yea, I'm sorry, I-I-I'm.. Well I'm here'

Wyatt was staring at you intently. Your grasp on your guitar case and rocking heel, toe, heel, toe. Gently he pushed off the wall holding his weight.

'y'ok?' He said quietly. Holding your chin with his thumb and index finger.

'I will be' you replied, meaning it. 'just promise me, you'll listen to the set tonight, really listen'. Wyatt simply nodded in response. You'd given him radio silence since Wednesday and barely turned up on time, he knew he was likely on a fine line with you and one more push would be one too far.

So far in the set you'd stuck to covers. More of your favourites and the crowd were a joy, as they had been last week. Your set was wrapping up, it was time to take the plunge.

'Thank ya'll so much its truly been a pleasure to sing again here tonight. Now I've played some of my favourite songs for ya'll but what some may not know was I was, I am an artist in my own right' Wyatt's eyes flicked up at you, and he began to straighten. 'Now I havent sung many of my own songs of late, nor have I written many. But tonight, I wanted to sing one of my own songs for ya'll, this is the last song I wrote. Over 18 months ago now' Wyatt was intent on you now. He knew that meant this song was written after Luke, and you'd lied to him.

'I wrote this after - a, a difficult time. So erm this, this is Delores'

You took a deep breathe and closed your eyes.

'They remember the girl in the tracksuit

The moment she blew them away

And nobody saw the train wreck

If they had, would it have ended the same?

Oh Dolores

They're here again

Run the water

Shut out the day

Everyone's fighting a battle you know nothing about

Oh Dolores

Swallow the pain

Swallow the pain'

Saying come back to your old little room

Joel's drink hovered somewhere between the table and his mouth. You were singing in a completely different way when the song was your own. You were quieter, more raw. He was spellbound listening to you.

'Your mother came out to New York to get you

You look tired of trying to hold it together

And it was all too much too soon

Oh Dolores

They're here again

Run the water

Shut out the day

Everyone's fighting a battle you know nothing about

Oh Dolores

Swallow the pain

Swallow the pain'

Up there on the fourteenth floor

Wyatt was dumbfounded. To hear you sing so honestly about your story. He didnt even care that you'd lied about writing. He got why you didnt want him and your Mom to hear this song, it struck him in your own words how much he didnt understand, how much he had forgotten about that time.

'You were found in your favourite pyjamas

And nobody saw it coming

But you did

Oh Dolores

All those years before

They're here again

Run the water

Shut out the day

Everyone's fighting a battle you know nothing about

Oh Dolores

Swallow the pain

Swallow the pain'

'Joel do you think - I mean, this is about her, isn't it' Tommy whispered sadly. Joel could barely choke a reply 'yea, yea i think it Tommy'

'Oh Dolores

They're singing your name

You tried to warn us

But now it's too late

Everyone's fighting a battle you know nothing about

Oh Dolores

Swallow the pain

Oh Dolores

Swallow the pain

Oh Dolores

Swallow the pain'

'Joel ya think one of us should check on her?' Tommy was chewing on his bottom lip.

You'd done it. Only now could you feel the tears pooling on your collarbones. You opened your eyes, and simply nodded to the crowd and slipped off stage. Wyatt went to grab your wrist.

'Mae I - I'm sorry'

'Don't be, please Wyatt. Its ok honestly, in so many ways you were right, I just needed you to hear my side' You were holding back the ever growing lump in your throat now. 'Call me tomorrow ok, I just need tonight' Wyatt nodded as you walked away.

'and Mae, I'm proud of you' You returned a weak smile and snuck out to your truck.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You slid the box over to Joel, you watched his large hands delicately light the cigarette perched on his lips, he inhaled deeply and let out a steady stream of smoke through his nose.

'I gotta go anyway Tommy, I need to get back for Sara. I'll see if shes still out back ok' Joel clamped his hand on Tommy's shoulder as he got up and walked to the parking lot.

You rummaged in the glove compartment until your hands found what you were praying on. A long abandoned box of American Spirits. Grabbing them you curled up in the bed of your truck. You placed the foreign feeling of the cigarette between pursed lips and lit it with a deep drag. Your exhale came with a strangled sob. It was deep and guttural, held deep for months and months. You let them come as you screamed to the sky, the reassurance of that tingling warmth radiating from your fingers.

Joel could hear you before I saw you, he'd never heard a cry like it. He started towards your truck with speed. 'Mae, y'ok? Its Joel' He slowed as he saw you balled up in the bed of your truck. You lifted your head and looked at Joel through tears.

'hey, hey, it alright babygirl, can I join you up there?'

Babygirl, that went straight to your heart. You kicked the flap at the back off your pickup down and Joel climbed in. He nodded to the cigarette in your hand, 'you sharing?'

'you wanna talk?' he simply sat beside you and stared at the sky, mirroring you. You were grateful, his big brown eyes probably would have made you cry even harder.

'yes, no, I dont know Joel' you breathed out

'ok, can I ask a question?'

You sniffed 'sure'

'That song, your song, it was about you? About after Luke?'

You simply stubbed out your cigarette, and reached for another one. Joel's eyes met yours for an answer, for confirmation. He found it. And you found you wanted to talk.

'After Luke died, I was in so much shock. I just carried on my life as normal for a few weeks, maybe a month I was just organising and sorting but to the outside world, it probably looked like I was fine. It was only after the inquest and his funeral I fell apart. Literally the day after Joel, the day after he was buried I just.. It was like I lost my voice. I dont think I spoke for nearly 3 months. I barely left my bed.' You took a shaky breath before continuing. 'My Mom was blowing up my phone, she put the work in motion for me to come back here. After Dad, I was sad obviously, but I was still in college I had to finish and I was doing it for him. So I dont think I ever grieved yanno?'

You looked at Joel now, he was watching you.

'I know' he said simply.

You knew Joel and Tommy had lost their Mom young, so you believed him.

'I think after Luke, I got a nice 2 for 1 deal on the grief period. It just all hit me at once. I tried to convince my Mom I'd get it together, when she was there I was able to play the part, in the end we had a huge argument. Huge, Joel. I said I didnt want to see her again, that she didnt understand, that I was fine, that I just needed to be alone. So she came back here'

You were crying again now, remembering that fight. You were so cutting with her that day, it was a miracle she forgave you.

'Few weeks later, I just. I dont think I wanted to yanno, end it. Like, I dont think I would have gone through with it. I just, I didnt care anymore - I dont know if that makes sense'

You realised you were shaking then, as did Joel.

'c'mere' he opened his arm to you and you slid inside, head tucked under his chin with his arm around you. 'carry on' he whispered into your hair.

'I went up to the roof of my apartment complex, I wanted to see the sunrise - I just sat with my legs hanging over the ledge. I think I planned on just staying up there, but someone on the street below saw and just, well i get it they assumed I was going to jump. I wasn't. I just wanted to feel something Joel, anything. And even sat on the ledge of 20 storey building, having people talking me down. I wasn't even scared. In fact that's what scared me, feeling nothing'

You wiped away the tears still streaming down your face. Joel's thumb was tracing circles on your arm now.

'So, I came back home. And there I have stayed. I wrote Delores one night when I couldn't sleep and when I was so sick of drowning in pain that I vowed I was going to sort it out, get myself back out. The next day I showered, I dressed, and I met Wyatt for brunch, thats when we started talking about me singing again, just a few months ago'

'Mae I - I dont know what to say, I'm so sorry, you didnt deserve what happened to you, I - we didn't know'

You had pretty much buried your face into Joel and realised now youd entirely soaked the front of his chest.

'Oh Joel, I'm so sorry my tears look like you stood in a shower' You shuffled up to look at him.

'Really? Thats your concern right now?' Joel raised an eyebrow at you which managed to illicit a small laugh from you.

'Yes, it is my concern. And I've taken up half your night crying about my tragic life, you have Sara to get back to. Thank you, you didnt need to take me and my mellow drama on, please you should go, I should go' You were feeling the familiar sense of cool blood flowing down your neck and back and your breath was beginning to quicken.

'hey, breathe, breathe - its fine babygirl, I got you. I wasn't going to leave you out here screaming into the sky. Sara is with Mrs Levinson next door. Just breathe. Joel was holding your face with one hand and placed your hand on his chest 'just follow my breaths'

You did, and you began to calm down.

'H-how did you learn that'

'After Sara's Mom left, she'd wake up at night, crying for her and get herself so worked up she forgot how to breathe. I googled everything to help her, this was the only thing that worked'

'Joel - I - thank you'

'Its nothing, now look I dont want you driving home alone, not after tonight. Can I drive you home? Ill drive your truck'

'No - Joel your trucks here I'm fine I can -'

Joel cut you off 'Mae I wasn't askin'' You knew when to shut your mouth.

'ok, thank you, really'

Joel slid off the back of your pickup with ease, and held out his hand to you to help you down. You took it and jumped down. Your eyes met Joel's, and your hands held each other for a little longer than needed. Something passed between you, quite what you weren't sure. Joel moved around you to open your door.

'you always this much of a gentlemen, or just to damsels in distress?'

'always, but especially pretty girls having a hard time'

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Joel drove you home in an easy silence after initially complaining about the state of Tess. Occasionally you glanced over at him as if to start a conversation, but the silence was so needed you couldnt bring yourself to break it.

Joel pulled into your driveway and hopped out to yet again open your car door. He followed you up to your porch carrying your guitar like it weighed nothing.

'You gonna be ok getting home? You left your truck back at the Bison'

'I actually only live a few blocks over, its fine, I'll walk and get Tommy to drop me off at my truck tomorrow. S'fine really, I couldnt leave you'

You nodded and smiled weakly at Joel, before you could think you were encasing him in a hug muttering thank yous into his chest. You pulled away and looked at Joel, again something passed between you both as you stayed pressed together, your breath hitched as you caught yourself on the periphery of betrayal once more 'I should get in, let me know when you're home Joel'

You left Joel on the doorstep. He couldnt help but feel something had moved between you this evening, he lingered on your porch before backing down the drive and heading home. His head filled with thoughts of you.

#joel miller fanfiction #joel tlou #pedro pascal #the last of us #joel miller smut #joel miller x reader #tlou #joel miller

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aloha-spirit · 9 months

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PEDRO PASCAL as JAVIER PEÑA Narcos | 3.08: Convivir

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aloha-spirit · 9 months

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PEDRO PASCAL as JAVIER PEÑA Narcos | 2.03: Our Man in Madrid

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aloha-spirit · 9 months

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A Battle you know nothing about - Midnight in Austin Chapter 2

chapter summary: Mae's second gig at the Tipsy Bison leads to her opening up to our favourite Miller

rating: PG13

warnings: age difference (Joel is in his 30s, reader is in her 20s), mention of death/breakdown/suicide, smoking

word count: 3.9k

The song Delores is originally performed by The Wandering Hearts - presented here as Mae's song

You're as smooth as Tennessee whiskey

You're as sweet as strawberry wine

You're as warm as a glass of brandy

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

And honey, I stay stoned on your love all the time

Tennessee Whisky - Chris Stapleton

'Is this thing even road legal Mae, its ancient. Let me drive you home I cant let you leave in this' He looked genuinely distressed as you flung yourself in the drivers seat.

'At least let one us know you're home safe' he said, digging out one of his crumpled business cards from his back pocket to hand you.

'this in case I need any contracting done?' you smirked

'well, that too. But no, its just, yanno, if you need someone, anything. Just let us know you're home ok?'

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'I just don't get, why you wont sing any of your own songs anymore'

You knew it was ridiculous. There was no real reason you couldn't sing your own songs. It was in your head, which honestly made the whole things worse.

'Mae, Wyatt is right, what about just one? Not a whole set, just one?'

M - Did you really mean anything when you gave me your card?

J - Mae?

J - If it is you, then yes

M - When Saras mum left, did you ever just want to scream fuck off at everyone's well meaning faces and advice

He started to type, then stopped. A full 5 minutes passed. 'Fucking hell Mae you barely know the man, why on earth would you ask something so personal'

M - Sorry, not my place, forget I messaged

He replied almost immediately

J - every fucking day and every day since

J - dont be sorry, was figuring out if I should be honest or not, didnt know if it was helpful

M - thank god someone who is honest! I know they care I just wish they'd let me be, apparently there is a timeline on grief

J- yet

J - theres no timeline, only you get to decide when to move past it

M - when did you decide

You have no idea if Joel had ever moved on or been with someone else, you just needed to know if you were alone

J - I haven't

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'aha, you got the best seats in the house brother, y'ok, you look away with the fairies there?'

'mm no, no I'm fine sorry, Sarah was on one when i left, long day' Joel bluffed with Tommy. He wasn't sure he needed Tommy knowing you'd text him, figured it wasn't anything that needed sharing.

'You seen Mae yet? Wyatt looked stressed wondered if she hadn't shown'

'No.. No I haven't but I'm sure she'll be here..'

'cutting it fine Mae' Wyatt was pretty much waiting at the door for you, leant against the wall with a curious, nonchalance.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'yea, I'm sorry, I-I-I'm.. Well I'm here'

Wyatt was staring at you intently. Your grasp on your guitar case and rocking heel, toe, heel, toe. Gently he pushed off the wall holding his weight.

'y'ok?' He said quietly. Holding your chin with his thumb and index finger.

So far in the set you'd stuck to covers. More of your favourites and the crowd were a joy, as they had been last week. Your set was wrapping up, it was time to take the plunge.

'I wrote this after - a, a difficult time. So erm this, this is Delores'

You took a deep breathe and closed your eyes.

'They remember the girl in the tracksuit

The moment she blew them away

And nobody saw the train wreck

If they had, would it have ended the same?

Oh Dolores

They're here again

Run the water

Shut out the day

Everyone's fighting a battle you know nothing about

Oh Dolores

Swallow the pain

Swallow the pain'

Saying come back to your old little room

'Your mother came out to New York to get you

You look tired of trying to hold it together

And it was all too much too soon

Oh Dolores

They're here again

Run the water

Shut out the day

Everyone's fighting a battle you know nothing about

Oh Dolores

Swallow the pain

Swallow the pain'

Up there on the fourteenth floor

'You were found in your favourite pyjamas

And nobody saw it coming

But you did

Oh Dolores

All those years before

They're here again

Run the water

Shut out the day

Everyone's fighting a battle you know nothing about

Oh Dolores

Swallow the pain

Swallow the pain'

'Joel do you think - I mean, this is about her, isn't it' Tommy whispered sadly. Joel could barely choke a reply 'yea, yea i think it Tommy'

'Oh Dolores

They're singing your name

You tried to warn us

But now it's too late

Everyone's fighting a battle you know nothing about

Oh Dolores

Swallow the pain

Oh Dolores

Swallow the pain

Oh Dolores

Swallow the pain'

'Joel ya think one of us should check on her?' Tommy was chewing on his bottom lip.

You'd done it. Only now could you feel the tears pooling on your collarbones. You opened your eyes, and simply nodded to the crowd and slipped off stage. Wyatt went to grab your wrist.

'Mae I - I'm sorry'

'and Mae, I'm proud of you' You returned a weak smile and snuck out to your truck.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You slid the box over to Joel, you watched his large hands delicately light the cigarette perched on his lips, he inhaled deeply and let out a steady stream of smoke through his nose.

'I gotta go anyway Tommy, I need to get back for Sara. I'll see if shes still out back ok' Joel clamped his hand on Tommy's shoulder as he got up and walked to the parking lot.

'hey, hey, it alright babygirl, can I join you up there?'

Babygirl, that went straight to your heart. You kicked the flap at the back off your pickup down and Joel climbed in. He nodded to the cigarette in your hand, 'you sharing?'

'you wanna talk?' he simply sat beside you and stared at the sky, mirroring you. You were grateful, his big brown eyes probably would have made you cry even harder.

'yes, no, I dont know Joel' you breathed out

'ok, can I ask a question?'

You sniffed 'sure'

'That song, your song, it was about you? About after Luke?'

You simply stubbed out your cigarette, and reached for another one. Joel's eyes met yours for an answer, for confirmation. He found it. And you found you wanted to talk.

You looked at Joel now, he was watching you.

'I know' he said simply.

You knew Joel and Tommy had lost their Mom young, so you believed him.

You were crying again now, remembering that fight. You were so cutting with her that day, it was a miracle she forgave you.

'Few weeks later, I just. I dont think I wanted to yanno, end it. Like, I dont think I would have gone through with it. I just, I didnt care anymore - I dont know if that makes sense'

You realised you were shaking then, as did Joel.

'c'mere' he opened his arm to you and you slid inside, head tucked under his chin with his arm around you. 'carry on' he whispered into your hair.

You wiped away the tears still streaming down your face. Joel's thumb was tracing circles on your arm now.

'Mae I - I dont know what to say, I'm so sorry, you didnt deserve what happened to you, I - we didn't know'

You had pretty much buried your face into Joel and realised now youd entirely soaked the front of his chest.

'Oh Joel, I'm so sorry my tears look like you stood in a shower' You shuffled up to look at him.

'Really? Thats your concern right now?' Joel raised an eyebrow at you which managed to illicit a small laugh from you.

You did, and you began to calm down.

'H-how did you learn that'

'After Sara's Mom left, she'd wake up at night, crying for her and get herself so worked up she forgot how to breathe. I googled everything to help her, this was the only thing that worked'

'Joel - I - thank you'

'Its nothing, now look I dont want you driving home alone, not after tonight. Can I drive you home? Ill drive your truck'

'No - Joel your trucks here I'm fine I can -'

Joel cut you off 'Mae I wasn't askin'' You knew when to shut your mouth.

'ok, thank you, really'

'you always this much of a gentlemen, or just to damsels in distress?'

'always, but especially pretty girls having a hard time'

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Joel pulled into your driveway and hopped out to yet again open your car door. He followed you up to your porch carrying your guitar like it weighed nothing.

'You gonna be ok getting home? You left your truck back at the Bison'

'I actually only live a few blocks over, its fine, I'll walk and get Tommy to drop me off at my truck tomorrow. S'fine really, I couldnt leave you'

#joel miller #joel miller fanfiction #joel tlou #the last of us #tlou #pedro pascal #fanfic #sarah miller

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aloha-spirit · 9 months

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Javier is babygirl

Narcos - The ultimate tribute to Agent Javier Peña (30 GIF's).

Javier in every episode.

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aloha-spirit · 9 months

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Islands in the Stream - Midnight in Austin Chapter 1

chapter summary: Mae is back in Austin and ready for her first gig at the Tipsy Bison and soon shes reacquainted with the Miller brothers

rating: PG13

warnings: age difference (joel is in his 30s, reader is in her 20s), mention of death, mention of breakdown

word count: 4.3k

My first chapter for Midnight in Austin and my first fanfic writing - braving it and getting it out there!

Well, they say I'm too loud for this town

So I lit a match and burned it down

What do you want from me? I'm not America's sweetheart

- Elle King, America's Sweetheart

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'In, 2, 3, 4. Hold, 2, 3, 4. Out, 2, 3, 4. Fuck me Mae its just a dive bar gig you've done this a thousand times' you muttered to yourself. You couldn't believe how anxious you felt over a simple covers gig at The Tipsy Bison. Two short, but very long years ago you'd been gearing up for a tour covering nearly every state in the US and yet here you were now, white-knuckled, gripping your guitar case on the floor of your childhood bedroom desperate to remember those incessant breathing exercises.

'MAEGAN, MAE!'

You sighed 'Jesus fuck Mother, can I just have five minutes please' you pleaded quietly to yourself, head rocked back, eyes closed to the ceiling. Deep breath. 'YEP, COMING!'

You know she means well, she's being very supportive of this first gig. You know she was just glad you were singing again but she was just always so... so suffocatingly close, tracking every move and every decision you made. Checking in. Asking if you were ok 50 times an hour. You didn't blame her, not really. You just wondered if it would ever end.

You swung the guitar case over you shoulder and checked your outfit again. Hopefully silver rhinestoned cowboy boots wouldn't shock the regulars, and if they didn't the matching cowboy hat certainly would.

'Oh Mae, you look beautiful honey' your mum gasped from the bottom of the stairs.

'Thanks mom, went with the lucky boots. Hopefully a bar of old whiskey drinkers don't think I am a country Barbie..'

'Well even if they do, I give it one song till they're your new biggest fans' she cooed as she embraced you. This you didn't mind so much, this felt familiar, normal. 'He'd be proud of you, both of them would be'

A familiar lump in the throat whenever Luke or your Dad was mentioned.

'Now, you're sure you don't want me there for this gig' she was holding you are arms length by the shoulder, looking at you through an arched brow.

'Mom, please, we went through this. Its just a short covers gig, dipping the toe back in. I need to do this. Alone.'

'Ok, ok sugar and you sure you want to take yourself in the rusty pick up truck'

'Mother, please don't refer to Tess as a 'rusty pick up truck', you'll hurt her feelings' You smirked, flinging a hand to heart and mocking pain. 'Yes, I am sure, I should be back by midnight ok, I will call you'

Pecking your mom on the cheek you slid past her and into the driveway. Guitar place lovingly in the bed of you pick-up, you swung up into the driver seat and grasped the wheel. Your heart was racing now. In, 2, 3, 4. Hold, 2, 3, 4. Out, 2, 3, 4. In, 2, 3, 4. Hold, 2, 3, 4. Out, 2, 3, 4.

'Come on Mae, get it together for the love of god'. Your mom was leaning in the doorway, staring at you chewing her bottom lip in a way you'd become all too accustomed too over the last 2 years, so you put up a hand to reassure her and backed out the driveway with your usual speed.

The Tipsy Bison was just far enough away for you to calm your heart rate with your usual aggressive self talk including 'Maegan Delores get a fucking grip before I slam you against this steering wheel' and 'Mae, s'not that deep, its a bunch of old dudes in a dive bar who won't even listen'. You weren't sure if you hoped that one was true or not.

By the time you swing into the parking lot you were relived to feel a warmth radiating from your heart, out to you toes and fingers. Excitement. Pre- performance excitement. God, it was like an old friend you'd not seen in 10 years, then see again and nothing has changed. Like the feeling of going to bed on Christmas Eve as a child. It was so long since you'd felt this way. You knew you'd made the right decision, you can handle this, you can have this part of your life back. It doesn't all need to slip away, not all of it.

Guitar retrieved, you headed into the back of the bar where Wyatt had told you to find him. Now Wyatt really was that old friend you'd not seen in 10 years and then reconnected like nothing changed. Still involved in the circuit in Austin, he was the main reason you'd even considered unzipping your guitar case 3 months ago.

'Maegan Delores, do my eyes deceive me?! I'm being blinded by Rhinestones is it truly you?!'

'Oh shut up Wyatt, shut up right now. These are my lucky boots and you love them' you groaned, swatting his hand away from shielding his eyes.

Wyatt hadn't changed since you were 17. Still sound and lighting obsessed, still music obsessed, and still tall and sinewy from working on his dads ranch all these years. He crooked his heard around your neck in a mock headlock as you tried to free yourself from his grapple.

'Wyatt please, no, stop, get OFF ME, no, you are SO ANNOYING' you choked out through laughter.

'Well now, no nerves with you I see. You're on last tonight, my headline act' he winked ' You're after some rookies so you've got time to tune, chill, grab a drink, I can find you when I need you'

'Why would you put me last! Wyatt! I haven't been on a stage in nearly 2 years, I cant be a headline act!' You were starting to panic, cold blood pooling from the top of your heard down you back. Swallowing thickly you considered bolting for the door. Wyatt clocked the change in posture and your blow pupils.

'Hey, hey. Look at me. S'just a dive bar. Its a couple of acts, s'not a big deal. Mae look at me' He was bending down to your level now, focussing his eyes on you. 'You are fine. Its a few cover songs, some sparkly boots, and a bunch of guys my dads age. Ok?'

Your blood was returning to normal. Wyatt was right. You'd been excited in the truck. Singing was your freedom, you needed to regain control and this was it.

'Yes. Sorry. Yes, no I'm fine. I got this.' You weren't even convincing yourself, let alone Wyatt.

'I know you do. Please just go and get a drink, the bars busy already. You'll blend right in wearing that I am sure' he trailed off giggling, taking your guitar with him. 'Go on Mae, maybe talk to some people! 2 years back in Texas and I am quite sure I am still the only person you speak to outside of your mother' his voice disappeared with him into a back room.

'Fuck you Wyatt' He was right though. In two years you'd barely managed to cobble together singing again and seeing Wyatt most weekends for breakfast. Beyond that, you has simply wanted to disappear by coming home, to fade into the background and pretend you weren't here.

You sighed, maybe some dutch courage would be a wise idea so you started towards the bar dipping through the rudimentary curtain separating the stage from all the speakers behind.

'What can I get you baby doll?' A husky shout from the barmaid who must have smoked 50 a day since coming out the womb. 'Whisky, on the rocks please'

'Well there's a turn up for the books, wouldn't'a had you down as a Whisky girl'

'Never underestimate the Rhinestone' you winked. You often got that response. Your appearance and your attitude weren't often matched.

'Well well well, it can't be. Delores?! I cant believe, Delores is that you?!' A southern drawl swam towards you from a few stool down. You couldn't place it, deep and full of mischief. Familiar.

'No fucking way, TOMMY MILLER?'

'Jesus it is you! I heard you were back in Austin but that was god, forever ago. I cant believe you're here! I was real sorry to hear about your Fiancé, Luke right?'

and there it was. The reason you had spent 2 years barely leaving the confines of your Mom's. All the 'whys' and expectant eyes. People looking sorry and not knowing what to say. Then you locked eyes with Tommy, properly. He wasn't looking at you in the same way. There was no cocked head, no forced frown. He was looking at you like he just, cared. Just wanted you to know. He smiled, not expecting an answer.

Tommy Miller had been two years above you in High School but you'd been friends through a shared love of country music, often duetting together in school performances or drunk at the next house party. Then when he graduated he'd started working with his older brother, Joel. You didnt know him well, only that he was quiet, aloof. Used to pick up his drunk brother and disappear into the night.

'Fuck Tommy, I can't believe it. Yea I was, ahh, in New York for a couple years but I... Uh..yea been back the last 2. and thanks it was... Well yea' You drifted off, never sure how to address it. The woman who's fiancé died and then she had a major breakdown. Trashing what there was of a promising music career. Bit of a fucking conversation ender that one.

'Sorry Delores I didnt mean to upset you'

You hadn't even realised the tears threatening to streak your face.

'God no sorry, you'd think I'd at least be able to talk about it by now but here we are' you tried to joke, throwing your hands in the air and planting them back down on the bar. Tommy shuffled closer and put one hand on yours.

'I mean it, we were all sorry. Its good to see you back here, you here for the open mic?'

You were grateful for his redirection 'Yea, I am actually the headliner according to Wyatt. He decided to keep that one close to his chest'

'No fucking way, Delores its been too long since I heard you sing!'

'Thanks Tommy' you squeezed his hand 'anyway who are you here with, not drinking alone surely?'

'Nah, waiting for Joel as usual. He's dropping Sarah off at her friends for the night so we can be out on the town' he winked at you

'Sarah! My god she must be what 12, 13 by now?'

'Spot on! 13 this year'

'God I've been gone too long' you drifted off and looked into the distance past Tommy's shoulder and necked your whisky quick. 'Look I better go tune up but it was so good to see you Tommy'

'Stay after your set for a drink? Would be good to reminisce and you can see Joel too'

You weren't sure, the coolness returning to the base of your neck that you now recognised purely as panic. Then you remember Wyatt's face, your Mom's. You knew they were right to encourage you to talk to people again. 'Sure - but only if your buying'. It was your turn to wink at Tommy now, as you slipped off your bar stool and off back stage.

--------------------------------------------------------

'Ladies and Gentleman, a round of applause for your warm up acts tonight'

Wyatt was already playing the crowd, ever the showman. Your fingers increased their grip around the neck of your guitar. It was mere months since you'd started singing again, and nearly 18 since you were in front of a crowd.

'Don't get in your head Mae. A few cover songs, a little razzle dazzle that's it' you breathed to yourself. 'Just like riding a bike, you need this'

'I'm so pleased tonight to welcome back to Austin not only an incredible artist, but my wonderful best friend MAEGAN DELORES!!!!'

Fuck fuck fuck - this was such a shit idea, but there was no going back now. You plastered a fake smile on your face, guitar in hand and headed onto the stage, shaking like a leaf in a hurricane.

The crowd was much bigger than you expected and has certainly packed out since you spoke to Tommy over an hour ago. Luckily they were mostly obscured in blackness so you could just focus on the glow of the lights outside the front of the bar.

'Thank you Wyatt, too much of a warm welcome ladies and gents for someone who's been off stage for a little while so be gentle with me! I'm going to play some favourites tonight, maybe I'll take some requests who knows but its great to be back in Austin.' you cleared your throat 'This is Landslide by Fleetwood Mac in the style of The Chicks'

This was one of your favourite covers to cover - your Dad had loved Fleetwood Mac with you growing up on them and you loved The Chicks version of landslide. Your fingers graced the strings of your guitar, and the chords started to flow.

'I took my love, I took it down

I climbed a mountain and I turned around

And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hill

Til the landslide bought me down'

Tommys grin widened, my god you'd always had the most beautiful voice.

'See, I told you Delores was back, her voice hasn't changed a bit' Tommy was talking to Joel, but his eyes were glued to the stage. Joel's eyes were trained in the same direction. Tommy had been in Joel's ear the minute he entered the bar about you. He vaguely recollected you from collecting Tommy from parties way back when, but he couldn't believe how beautiful you sounded, and looked, all these years on.

'and you say shes been back in Austin at her Mom's 2 years? How come you haven't seen her til now, was a small circle you were part of' Joel was plying Tommy for some kind of information.

'Don't you remember me telling you? She had a fiancé in New York, I heard she was on a record label too, when he dies, totally unexpected, it sounds like she took it real hard, ended up back at her Mom's basically refusing to leave the house. Wyatt told me he had to beg her for months to get back on stage and shes adamant she will only do covers, none of her own songs. Apparently she barely talks about Luke - total no go topic'

'hmm' was all Joel could muster.

'well I've been afraid of changin'

'cause I've built my life around you

But time makes you bolder

Even children get older

And I'm getting older too'

Joel couldn't help to think about what you'd been through when you sang those lyrics. Sara's mom didn't die, but it sure as hell felt the same. She walked out one day and never looked back, on either of you. You knew how it felt to be alone almost overnight, unanswered questions forever on a loop in your brain. He wondered more about what you'd suffered and felt proud of you, despite barely knowing you all these years on.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The crowd were applauding so that had to be a good sign. Starting with a classic usually worked, and the nerves were ebbing away.

'Thank y'all so much. What a nice crowd, I was expecting a beer to be thrown over me already. So the next song is from a British Country duo, my dad was from England so I was often back there and discovered them, they have the most beautiful voices so I hope I do them justice. This is State Lines, by The Shires'

You were feeling far more comfortable than you expected, you felt so free on a stage. No one here knew you, not really apart from Tommy and he knew a version of you from 10 years ago. Before it all went to shit and when you were singing, you were her again. That 17 year old who didnt know pain, didnt know sleepless nights and wracking anxiety and popping pills and telling a therapist things you were too scared to tell your own Mom.

You stuck to some of your favourite country songs for the rest of the set, and the crowd seemed to respond with cheering and clapping. The bar was still full, thank god this hadn't become an unmitigated disaster. You decided to engage them in the final song, just to test the waters.

'Ok, my set is coming to an end, Wyatt is staring at me tapping his watch so that means final song.' Wyatt was in fact grinning ear to ear, it was like he was seeing you again for the first time. 'And for being so warm, and welcoming to me tonight, a rhinestoned cowgirl -" that got you a laugh from some of the older men in the bar - " I ask for your requests, what do you want to hear as a final song?'

Before you could barely finish the sentence you could hear a voice you expected

'ISLANDS IN THE STREAM DELORES COME ON NOW' Tommy. This was always your go to duet.

'Now Tommy Miller I know that's you - and you know that songs a duet so I am only singing if your voice is warm and ready to join me'

'Tommy what the fuck are you doing' Joel groaned through gritted teeth 'the poor girls been through enough don't fuck it up for her'

'Joel, please, I want to support her' Tommy flung back at Joel as he pushed through the tables in front of him to get to the stage.

'Ladies and Gentlemen, Tommy Miller!' The crowd were laughing now, you could tell Tommy was a regular here but you had no idea if they know he could actually sing or if in fact he still did.

'You ready?' you quietly asked Tommy who was look slightly more ashen now he had made it to the stage.

'mmm, this was a better idea from back there but lets see if we still have it' he replied, hushed and under his breath'

"Baby, when I met you there was peace unknown

I set out to get you with a fine tooth comb

I was soft inside

There was something going on

You do something to me that I can't explain

Hold me closer and I feel no pain

Every beat of my heart

We got something going on"

There was a larger laugh now, rippling from the back followed by 'Tommy still got it' is a silky southern drawl. Joel, it had to be.

"Tender love is blind

It requires a dedication

All this love we feel needs no conversation

We ride it together, ah ha

Making love with each other, ah ha

Islands in the stream

That is what we are

No one in between

How can we be wrong?

Sail away with me

To another world

And we rely on each other, ah ha

From one lover to another, ah ha"

Joel had moved forward now in the crowd and for the first time in over ten years you were taking him in. This was not how you remember Joel. He was broad, weathered somehow with dark curls licking at the nape of his neck. He was singing along now, as we're the majority of the Tipsy Bison clientele, warmed by one too many beers and the confidence that only comes with a group of drunk people singing Dolly Parton.

"I can't live without you if the love was gone

Everything is nothing if you got no one

And you did walk in the night

Slowly losing sight of the real thing

But that won't happen to us and we got no doubt

Too deep in love and we got no way out

And the message is clear

This could be the year for the real thing"

Tommy was staring at you now, beginning to laugh at the scenario you'd both voluntarily put yourself and for the first time in forever, you realised you were laughing too. Real laughing, not forced but spontaneous. The type you cant control - not ideal when trying to sing. You were 17 again, transported back to a place you sometimes wish you'd never left.

Baby, I will hurt you never

We start and end as one

In love forever

We can ride it together, ah ha

Making love with each other, ah ha

Islands in the stream

That is what we are

No one in between

How can we be wrong?

Sail away with me

To another world

And we rely on each other, ah ha

From one lover to another, ah ha"

The final chorus repetitions were absolutely carried by the bar because you and Tommy has taken to some very elaborate crowd encouragement, sway arms in the air, mics outstretched. You smile was practically reaching the rafters.

As you looked out into the crowd, your eyes locked with Joel as you realised he'd been staring at you almost the entire song. Drinking you in like iced lemonade on a hot summers day. You realised you were blushing then, flushed with his attention and he noticed, suddenly unsure of himself he tore his eyes away to Tommy cheering and applauding. God his smile was addictive, almost shy like a school boy, lopsided but effortless.

Wyatt was on stage now, mic removed from your hand as you realised a curfew was likely approaching your rowdy crowd.

"good folk of the Tipsy Bison, that is it for your evening music but you'll be delighted to know Meagan will be back next week because you've loved her so much"

what the fuck Wyatt - you'd agreed to one gig and yes it had gone well but this was supposed to be a testing of the waters, give it a go, you needed time to come down and think about this and here he was promising you as a regular slot.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

'erm Wyatt what that fuck was that - aren't you supposed to check with me?! Its too much too soon, I need time to think'

'No Mae, that's the problem, you'll think and you'll talk yourself out of it, or panic yourself to oblivion." Shit. He was angry now, whipping round to glare at you as you caught up with him. "I wish you could see yourself how I see you when you're on stage Mae, I haven't seen you free, and smile and laugh since.. Since you came back and you know it and we can't keep hiding from this" He softened now, he was reaching for your hands.

'Please Mae, can you just trust me. Just lean into this please'

You sighed 'ok' your voice was small. Too small. 'Ok, yes sorry, ok. I know you're right I just feel like, I don't know, like I'm forgetting, like I supposed to mourn forever and like I'm not meant to be happy again because he's gone and that suddenly someone will say 'Hey didnt your fiancé die why are you smiling' and it just makes me feel dirty Wyatt, like I don't care' you desperately avoiding blinking in the hope the tears lining your eyes wouldn't fall, but gravity had other ideas.

'Mae..' Wyatt was holding you now 'please, you're 27, you have your whole life ahead of you, please don't punish yourself and commit to this misery. No one is going to say that, no one and if they do I will drop kick them into the next millennium'

A snivelling laugh made its may from your mouth into his chest, 'I promise I want to be better, you know that don't you'

'of course I do, I need to go and back up some gear and Ill meet you at the bar?' Wyatt raised an eyebrow as he shifted away from you warily.

'Yea sure'

Before you could wrap up your moment, the roar of Tommy could be heard approaching 'Delores I believe you owe me a drink for that duet!' Tommy was arms wide, grinning at you, but it was Joel on his tails who drew you attention. God, he really was so broad and different to your youthful memory of him. There was no denying he was handsome, but as quick as the thought entered your head, the dirty feeling of betrayal snuck in again.

Quickly wiping away your tears you straightened up 'that so? I seem to recall you were going to be buying' you retorted.

'mmmm no no i think you're mistaken, come on now' as he marched past you to the bar, but Joel stopped level with you, eyeing you suspiciously

'you ok?' he asked with an uncertainty in his tone 'just looks like you were crying, did someone upset you?' he looked around, was he trying to protect you?

'no no, I'm fine, being stupid, all good' nice one Mae that was far from bloody convincing and why were you blushing again, the hell was wrong with you tonight.

'y'dont need to buy Tommy a drink, Ill make him go home if you just want to leave?' Joel was looking down at you, shuffling his feet. For someone so dominating in this space, his aura was so gentle and patient, the swathe of anxiety and emotion that was flooding you moments before was ebbing away in his presence.

'No, no I want to and it would be good to talk to him, and to you - its been too long'

Joel simply looked down at you with that lopsided smile 'come on then' as you were moving along with him you felt his palm glance your lower back as he ushered you to the bar. You couldn't help but be curious about him, this strong but quiet man leading you forwards, to something new..

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aloha-spirit · 9 months

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PEDRO PASCAL ⏤ Controllers Down: Adapting The Last of Us

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aloha-spirit · 10 months