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alphabrattt · 2 years

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Sunflowers | Lee Haechan

soulmate au

pairing: haechan x reader

warnings: character death, hanahaki disease, mentions of blood, one sided love, angst

word count: 1.8k

genre: angst

sypnopsis: When you find your soulmate everything falls into place and you're guaranteed a happy ever after....right?

Tagging: @stayarmytinyzenmoa-l

You feel the familiar feeling rise in your chest. The burning sensation in your throat becomes stronger and stronger. It has already been months since it started but you still can't get used to it.

You excuse yourself and run to the bathroom. Each step feels heavier as the pain becomes unbearable from trying to hold in your cough.

As soon as you step into the bathroom you let everything out. The petals keep coming and you feel like you'll pass out any minute.

Much to your horror, the usual bright yellow coloured petals are a deep shade of red this time. Only by the little specks peeking through here and there you can tell that they are sunflowers.

The first few weeks you were fine. But as the weeks turned into months you started to become weaker. And it became much harder to hide.

You would expect that in a world where your significant other was decided for you before you were even born, everything would be easy. As most people would even dedicate their whole life to finding their soulmate.

You too had always dreamed about bonding with your special someone. And unexpectedly that day came when you met Haechan.

The moment you locked eyes everything seemed to fall into place. As if the world around you seemed to move in slow motion. And he was the center of it all.

The more time you spent with him, the more sure you were. It felt different when you were together. It felt like you have known each other forever. He’d understand you and you would too.

The way he looked at you, you could have sworn he felt it too. That he knew what was going on inside of your head. So you finally ask him.

“Do you believe in soulmates?”

You feel the butterflies go wild in your stomach waiting for his answer.

“No,” he says.

“I don’t think everyone in our world is meant to have one. And I believe that I’m one of them, I think it's an idea created by people who seek fulfillment in others. But I don't think you need anyone for that” he states.

You bite back the confession lying on the tip of your tongue as his indirect rejection hits you hard. That's when the butterflies turn into a sharp pain and it becomes harder to breathe.

That was the day it all started. The first time you had coughed up flowers. The first time you understood what was happening to you.

You've always believed that if something was meant for you, one way or another it would come to you.

So you held on to the hope you had. But as time went on, you started to doubt that. Because while you became sicker by the day. He started developing feelings for someone else.

At first, she was just the new girl in town. But once she started working at the same place as Hachan, they became closer as ever. And it started going downhill from there. They started hanging out more and you started seeing Haechan less.

You even noticed how the way Haechan looked at you changed. He was still there for you whenever you needed him. But you saw how the spark in his eyes was only reserved for her.

The knock on the door brings you back from your thoughts. You see your hands covered in your blood and the floor around you is filled with sunflowers.

Standing up you look at yourself in the mirror and see blood covering your whole mouth while a few petals stick to your chin. And that's the first time in your life you feel pity towards yourself.

You know that your life is on the line but you don't even know how much time you have left. Small tears start to fall silently as if they emphasize with you.

For a moment you let yourself cry, allowing your pain to ease.

But that doesn't last long when you hear another knock on the door. Pulling yourself together you clean up everything and decide to go to the one place you felt at peace.

"You're here once again," Haechan says as he sits down next to you.

"I wanted some fresh air," you tell him.

He looks at you with a worried expression and asks "Are you alright? Something seems off with you these days."

You look back at him and a million things come to your mind. Everything you want to say to him lays on the tip of your tongue once again.

But when the image of him looking at her flashes your mind. Nothing comes out of you. All of it shatters into a million pieces.

So you just put on a fake smile and lie to him.

"It was getting too hot inside which made my head dizzy, But I'm okay now."

"Alright, but tell me if something is up, okay? We're best friends, I have to know," he tells you while smiling back at you.

You nod at him and stare into the void as his words keep repeating inside of your head. "We're best friends, we're best friends, we're best friends..." as if they're mocking you and your pitiful situation.

"Do you like sunflowers that much? I keep finding you here," he asks as he looks to the field in front of you.

The question breaks you more than you imagined.

After a moment of silence when you feel like your voice is stable enough again, you answer him.

"Yes, I do."

"Why?" he asks again.

"Because I'm envious of them," you tell him.

He gives you a confused look and you laugh at him as he furrows his brows and tries to think of why you would be.

"I'm envious of them because they follow their sun across the sky as their sun shines back at them. And every single day he comes back to do the same." You explain to him.

"That's a beautiful way of looking at them. Although I'm not sure about the being envious part" he laughs.

"They are my favourite too."

You didn't have the heart to tell him that you already knew that.

"My grandparents had a field just like this one. We would always pick the seeds together but I was too small to reach the top. So my granddad made me this small ladder with a bucket attached to it. I would always be the last one to finish because I couldn't pick them as fast as everyone else. But my granny always waited for me without saying anything, even though she was tired from working all day." he reminisces with a smile on his face.

"You would have been so cute trying to reach them with your small hands," you say.

"Of course I was! I have always been cute" he says proudly.

Which makes you laugh even if you roll your eyes at him.

But the cute moment doesn't last long as his phone starts ringing. You see how his eyes shine when her name appears on the screen. And you feel your throat burning again.

"I have to go, they're waiting for me," he tells you. "It's okay, I had plans too" you lie again.

You wait until he is out of sight and start coughing once again. But this time you don't see any specks of yellow anymore.

Comforting yourself with the thought that at least Haechan is happy even if it isn't with you, you decide to write him a letter. Pouring all of your feelings into it so you won't have any regrets when you leave.

The more time Haechan spends with her, he starts to rethink his stance on soulmates. Because when he is with her, he feels like his soul is at peace.

So he decides to tell her. But when the words come out of his mouth, they leave a very unpleasant taste in his mouth.

You drop your pen on the desk as you feel the string that is connected to your heart is cut off, and you finally let go.

You close your eyes as your head falls onto your desk that is filled with beautiful sunflowers covered in blood and the letter addressed to Haechan.

When Haechan gets a call about you, his head starts to spin as his vision blurs and the unpleasant taste comes back.

On the day of your funeral, he stays with you even if everyone else has left. Still not being able to accept that you're gone, he blames himself for not being there for you.

A fresh set of tears roll down his face as he remembers your face that showed all the signs that something was wrong.

"She wanted you to have this," your brother says as he gives Haechan the letter you wrote.

For a while, he only stares at his name on the envelope written in your handwriting. Then he opens it and starts to read.

He feels a pain in his chest he's never felt before. As if someone has cut off a piece of his heart.

"My dear sunshine,

I always thought that I would get to tell you all of this myself one day sooner or later. Or maybe I just hoped for it, because somewhere in the back of my mind I did know that day would never come. Especially after I saw how happy you were.

I don't seem to have much time, a couple of months ago I discovered that I have the disease. And every day it becomes harder to breathe.

But I want you to know that you made me happy too, very happy. The day we met I got the feeling that everyone always told me about. The one we grew up hearing about. The one you feel when you finally meet your soulmate.

I admit, you not feeling the same way broke my heart. I always thought that from that moment on I would never experience pain again. But life doesn't always go as you think.

But I don't blame you for anything and I don't want you to blame yourself either. Because you taught me a lot and made even the dull moments beautiful. For that, I will always be thankful.

Thank you for being my soulmate Haechan.

Let's meet each other on the other side of the stars, maybe there is another chance waiting for us there."

The letter falls out of his hand. And everything starts to make sense.

The way you would call him your sun, the conversation you had that day, the flowers, your expression when he started talking about her, and why you seemed so off.

Everything became so clear now.

He starts to sob uncontrollably while he falls onto his knees. His lungs begin to burn and he starts coughing.

That's when he sees brightly yellow coloured petals all around him.

#please….. nobody can ever hurt me more than this fic #fic recs

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alphabrattt · 2 years

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﹆❍ sorry, but it was never you - lee jeno ❍﹆

gn!reader, genre: angst, , wc: 1.2k+, warning(s): nonconsensual kiss, rejection

your best friend jeno had just gotten out of a relationship because he fell in love with someone else. you had no definite idea who this special ‘someone’ was, but for some reason, you were getting a feeling that it just might be you.

now obviously, you were basing your suspicions off of certain vague indications you had received from him. they weren’t crystal clear but the more you thought back to them, the more confident you were about them.

first things first, jeno had confided in you during his break up. his ex didn’t know the real reason as to why he had dumped them. all he had told them was that things just weren’t turning out the way he had thought they would. you believed that had some value. why should only you know that he liked someone else and not them? other than the fact that you were his best friend, you couldn’t think of another explanation.

second things second, jeno had been spending much more time with you, as if he were making up for all the time he’d lost while he had been in a relationship. if his crush were someone else, it made sense that he’d dedicate some time to wooing them. but as far as you were aware, he hadn’t made plans to hang out with anyone outside his circle, meaning you and his roommates.

third things third and probably the stupidest reason of all, after persistently asking him to tell you who his crush was, he blatantly rejected you, with the assurance that you’d find out when the time was right. if his crush wasn’t you, then you didn’t understand why the timing of his revelation mattered.

there were a few more minor reasons as to why you felt this way, but for now they were enough to justify your doubts. lately you had found yourself thinking way too much about being in a relationship with jeno, especially because he had just become available and was giving you reason to believe he was into you. your crush on him was spiraling out of control and it was only a matter of time before the cat jumped out of the bag.

on a random tuesday afternoon, you and jeno were walking back home after grabbing a quick bite at your favorite pizza joint. the conversation you were having was pretty normal, nothing too flirty or provocative. you both rounded the corner to your street, approaching your house sooner than you wanted to. you had been looking forward to hanging out with him and you were disappointed it was all coming to an end so soon.

jeno walked you up to your doorstep, stuffing his hands in his pockets as you turned around for some final words. “we should go there again sometime. maybe you can bring jaemin and all if they’re up for it.”

he nodded in agreement, looking at you contemplatively before clearing his throat. “i have to tell you something,” he said, lowering his voice a few notches. your heart thundered in excitement. your fingers began tingling as you leaned closer to him to hear what he had to say.

jeno seemed a bit unsure, fidgeting with the zip on his jacket. “for starters, i hope you know that i really cherish and value our friendship. so that being said, please don’t hate me because i don’t know how you’re gonna feel about this. i mean i hope you agree, but if you disagree i don’t want it to ruin our friendship,” he explained. you could tell he was nervous. otherwise he wouldn’t be beating around the bush so much.

“is this about that person you like?” you asked confidently. jeno nodded and leaned closer to you. “yeah, i don’t know how to say this, but i think you already know who it is,” he glanced at you expectantly, eyes scanning your face looking for any sign of confirmation.

there was something about it that made you break into a smile. jeno returned your smile, and you felt like that was it. that was the sign you had been waiting for this entire time.

glancing down at his lips, you decided there was no turning back now. you leaned forward and pressed your lips onto his, clutching his shirt in your hands to keep him close. jeno let out a noise of surprise, grabbing your hands in his. it took you a second, but you soon realized that he was not kissing you back.

he was as still as a statue, his entire body having gone rigid. it seemed like he hadn’t registered what you were doing until you pulled away from him, covering your face in shock. what had you just done?

“why did you do that?” he asked after a long moment of deafening silence. the disbelief was evident in his voice, but so was the disappointment. you shrugged, still freaking out on the inside. “i don’t know. i don’t know what came over me. you were just so close and i thought-”

“you thought i liked you?” the way he was saying it made you realize just how wrong you had been. jeno scoffed and stepped away from you. “i’m sorry y/n but you’ve never been anything more than a friend to me. i don’t know what i’ve done to make you think otherwise but it’s not you.” he said. he still cared about you. he felt bad, but he knew bluntly rejecting you was better than leading you on.

“who is it then?” you asked, trying your best not to give away how much the news had broken you. jeno still seemed reluctant to tell you but he knew he had no choice. “its that person in your class that you really despise. it’s them. i was hoping you’d help me get to know them. that’s why you’re the only person i told.”

you wanted to ask him why it was them of all people. but you knew the only thing you were going to do was talk him out of liking them just because you wanted him to like you. “well, i hope you can forget about this. i just didn’t read the room right. it’s all my fault,” you said instead.

“i’m sorry if you’re disappointed y/n. i really am.” he said apologetically. you didn’t understand why he was, when he actually should have been happy. “don’t feel bad for me jeno. i brought this on myself. i’ll deal with it on my own.”

as much as he wanted to assure you that things didn’t have to be that way, he knew you were right. there was no way he could continue spending time with you. not if he wanted to hurt you even more than he already had.

you forced a smile, turning to your door. “i’ll call you when i’m over you. until then, i hope you’re happy with them.”

jeno watched you walk inside and his stomach sank. was someone else really worth letting you down? he didn’t know. but he didn’t know what he could do to make you feel better. maybe it was for the best that he just waited for you like you had said. he hoped things would go back to the way they used to be. back to the way he wanted them to be.

~ random oneshot cause i was in the mood for some angst lol. maybe i'll make a spin off tho, idk

#cause i’m in the mood to hurt myself

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