amechan26

[amechan26]

Me with P-chan recently 😞 it's a struggle but I think I'll make it... I think

fighting the urge to sabotage my strongest and closest relationship

#character blog #rp blog #amechan26

[amechan26]

Bpd culture is stop. Someone please make it stop. Please make the pain stop. Please take the memories away. Please let me just be

.

[amechan26]

Does anyone ever feel guilty about forgetting the good memories you had with your parents? I only seem to have memories of the bad, and I just remembered such a sweet memory.

When I was a kid, maybe between the second and fifth grade, whenever I'd get home from school, I'd say to my dad "tadaima!", and he'd call back "okaerinasai!" I'd forgotten about that until just now.

Most of what I remember of my dad is bad, so it's always nice to remember good things. I just wish I hadn't forgotten all the good...

#character blog #pien kei #rp blog #jiraiblogging #ぴえん系 #jirai #jirai kei #amechan26

[amechan26]

Thank god this isn't just me 🙏🙏 to be fair, though.. I just don't like the person P-chan is seeing atm so that probably doesn't help.

BPD culture is wanting to cry when your FP posts pics of them with their partner even though you don't even want to date them

.

[amechan26]

Lol, I think all of those last posts were some kind of manic episode. I'm coming off it now, I think, but I'm not back to normal. Something still feels wrong. I think that was my first full-blown episode with this mind of thing, so I don't know how it works yet.

I hate whenever I get a new issue. I always have to do a bunch of research to figure out what it could be and then make some Frankenstein's Monster out of coping mechanisms to keep myself at bay.

According to all the research I've done, I might be in a depressive episode, but I'm not sure. I just don't really wanna do anything. I don't wanna fight anymore. I just wanna lay in bed and watch my life pass by again. I'm playing Mystic Messenger again too so I'd at least have someone to do.

Does anyone have any advice besides seeing a therapist? I'm trying to find one, but I need support right now. I'm scared and alone and I don't know what to do.

#character blog #pien kei #rp blog #jiraiblogging #ぴえん系 #jirai #jirai kei #bpd #bipolor #amechan26

[amechan26]

P-Chan was joking about how obsessed they get with people while we were watching memes and edits from the series YOU. P-Chan doesn't understand. They couldn't handle me while we dated because I was "too clingy". They think they understand but they never could. They don't understand the absolute agony I feel because of my obsession. They don't understand the bad things I do and the ways I think. They tell me it never makes sense but they don't understand that it doesn't have to. So long as my mind is wrapped around them, I don't care how bizarre my thought processes are and I hate it. I hate that I can't control my mind. Obsession isn't fun. It's exhausting and humiliating.

I'd be a different person if I wasn't obsessed with them and it makes me despise P- Chan sometimes, but then I'm overwhelmed with so much guilt that I just can't handle.

It's been so hard lately. I've been leaving the house to go on walks, even at night when I normally can't even go near the front door without freaking out, I'm hearing whispers, I'm selling myself to old men. I've become a completely different person all to fill this void in me. I just want to feel something. I barely even recognise the world around me as real. It just feels like I'm in a dream and I'm the only real one. Or maybe not even I am?

I might finally have a therapist though so I might be getting on meds soon. I can only pray though. It normally never works out...

#tw vent #character blog #pien kei #rp blog #jiraiblogging #ぴえん系 #jirai #jirai kei #needy girl overdose #needy streamer overload #amechan26

[amechan26]

I have this sweater and istg it's such pedobait.

Every guy I've spoken with so far has started frothing at the mouth. Even had one guy ask to choose my bra. How down bad you gotta be 💀💀

#tw discord #like king what are you doing #theyre always so sketchy too #character blog #pien kei #rp blog #jiraiblogging #ぴえん系 #jirai #jirai kei #amechan26

[amechan26]

I don't really see the point of school at this point. I already dropped out once before yet I came back. I failed my English so if I don't basically get full marks on my next test, I've failed yr12 English and either have to redo the year or drop out and accept that I just wasted the last teenage years.

I'm just so exhausted. No one seems to understand just how deeply it sits in my bones. It almost hurts to move by how fatigued I am but I haven't even finished the full first week yet. I haven't had a moment of free time either. Just work work work or else nothing will be finished in time and I'll fail out anyways.

I just want the year to be over. But what do I do after school? Go to uni and do more school because it's all I've ever known? Get a full time job and work all day and never have any free time? Become a hikikomori NEET again? None of those sound desirable. None of my options seem desirable. I feel stuck in a life I don't even want. It's not fair that other people have it all. Why can't I have that? I've done more, I've suffered more. I deserve it more than they do so why do they have it handed to them on a silver platter while I'm left with the scraps?

I just need something to go right for me or else I don't know what I'll end up doing. I'm on the precipice of something big. I just know it. Something is going to happen and it's going to be bad and I'm not going to be prepared. I don't know if I can make it out of that one tbh. Maybe I'll be able to drive myself to a hospital by then... hopefully.

#tw vent #character blog #pien kei #rp blog #jiraiblogging #ぴえん系 #jirai #jirai kei #amechan26

[amechan26]

•°☆Trigger Warnings in Tags☆°•

Disclaimer!!! I am not diagnosed with anything. If I use terms incorrectly, please tell me. I'm just using knowledge I've gained from research.

School starts tomorrow, and I'm not sure if I can handle it. I've been manic or smth for the last week or so. If I go, I might have a meltdown. I also think I've been having delusions, but I don't know enough about them to say that.. I think I've been hearing whispering down the hall too...

I have an assessment due at the end of the week, and I've barely started. There is so much going on for me right now, and I'm so overwhelmed, but I can't talk to anyone about it because they all think I'm just being a little baby about everything because I can never include all the details and context behind my breakdowns. Even P-Chan thinks I'm a baby sometimes...

I'm falling apart and have no one to help me. I'm scared and alone. I don't even have a therapist or meds. I'm completely rawdogging this entire episode, and idk if I can keep doing it because every episode is getting worse than the last. It's gotten to the point where the next one could very likely kill me.

I'm thinking about going to a ward, but I've never been, and they're all pretty bad here from what I've heard. I don't know what to do...

#tw vent #tw mention of suicide #character blog #rp blog #pien kei #jiraiblogging #ぴえん系 #jirai #jirai kei #amechan26

[amechan26]

•° ☆ Trigger Warnings in Tags ☆ °•

This post contains the screenshots of the messages between me and Discord Creeper. Most (if not all) of these are sexual in nature so please be careful.

I was trying so hard to be serious with this guy to make sure I could secure that bag, but he just makes it so easy sometimes. Here are some examples.

I'm pink, he's yellow.

Exhibit A: Out of Pocket messages

These are going in the quotes book.

Exhibit B: Just straight cringe

Gagged a little reading these ngl.

Exhibit C: Sorry. I wasn't paying attention

I'm just so silly guys xp I'm so silly.

Exhibit D: uhhhh 🤡🤡🤡

I started clowning on him. I couldn't help it. And jacket he wants so desperately came from my dirty laundry basket. It smells so much like me because it's my depression hoodie 💀💀💀💀

I'm gonna block him within the next few days tbh. Might return to make a post dragging him<33

Should I screenshot everything this weirdo sends?? Like... some of it is so cringe that I feel like not sharing it isn't an option.

#tw grooming #tw cringe #sexual themes #character blog #pien kei #rp blog #jiraiblogging #ぴえん系 #jirai #jirai kei #amechan26

[amechan26]

Wait GUYS GUYS GUYS!! I can't with this guy rn. I absolutely have to share some of these. Let me blur them first. Don't wanna get sued 😎

Should I screenshot everything this weirdo sends?? Like... some of it is so cringe that I feel like not sharing it isn't an option.

[amechan26]

alone at night

#me rn digging through my ash bowls at 2am

[amechan26]

Should I screenshot everything this weirdo sends?? Like... some of it is so cringe that I feel like not sharing it isn't an option.

#character blog #pien kei #rp blog #jiraiblogging #ぴえん系 #jirai #jirai kei #amechan26

[amechan26]

In my dreams you obsess over me, post secretly about me, lose your mind over me, and always want me.

#yet in reality im the one who cares while you barely even notice me

[amechan26]

I don't believe in god

Because if there was a god

Why would he force me to live in hell

While I'm still alive

#word

[amechan26]

BPD math: they said I can come "if I want" instead of "you should come" so that means they hate me and they wish I was dead.

[amechan26]

Ugh... I just woke up, got rushed to get dressed in like 10 minutes and I forgot my headphones. I don't remember shopping centers being this loud.

#character blog #pien kei #rp blog #jiraiblogging #ぴえん系 #jirai #jirai kei #amechan26