anxiouscroissant
dear diary, here’s why i love him
apparently bi girls do still fall for boys with golden retriever energy
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Me: “the happiest place on earth is on your lips.”
Bf: “like BACTERIA GREASE”
*rolls over and falls asleep while I stare at him
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“Your asshole will never be as big as mine”
-the boyfriend
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“I poop by osmosis”
-My bf, in denial that he shits like a regular human being
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“Karma is a bloated mouse”
-the bf when I was listening to karma by ts
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“I don’t want to be a Jedi anymore, I wanna be a lawnmower”
-my bf playing the Star Wars video game
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He forgot to text me when he went to bed, so I called him and woke him up.
He said, “thank you for checking up on me.”
Wow.
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He told me yesterday that he has attempted to braid his ball hair before.
Idk what to do with this information.
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Him: “Do you think Harry Potter makes Ginny cum?”
Y’all I almost spit out my water laughing.
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“I am not here”
-my bf, before he kidnapped our dog under his blanket of terror
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Not my bf calling the new Fantastic Beasts, “The Beasty Man and Where They Live.”
#bisexual girlfriend#straight boyfriend#fantastic beats the crimes of grindelwald#fantastic beats and where to find them#fantastic beasts#harry potter
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He told me today, “Your boobs are beautiful because they have a nice shape, and they make a cool sound if you slap them.”
Apparently that’s the criteria for good boobs now
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Say Yes to the Dress is our guilty pleasure.
Today as we were watching it, he turns to me and goes, “you’d look so beautiful in a wedding dress.” He just sat there in silence and started tearing up, and oh my gosh, I realize this man really does love me.
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He just said, “TFIOS is not a movie. It is a lifestyle.”
I love this man
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“Baby give me your hand, I wanna show you something.”
He proceeded to guide my fingers to the back of his head, then had me touch a piece of hair. I thought he was gonna show me a dent or deformity on his scalp, until he said with a sparkle in his eyes,
“That’s my favourite piece of hair.”
He looked so happy. What a treasure.
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He has 13 minutes left to turn in his assignment
Upon burping, he says to me, “bless you baby.”
He… excused me for his burping.
Then proceeded to respond when I laughed, “don’t make me laugh I don’t have time for that.”
He’s a strange man and I love it.
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“I need to confess something.”
We were scrolling on Instagram and he says this, before saying, “you know how people are always like ‘link in bio’?”
Me: “yeah?”
Him, in the most quiet and innocent voice, “I don’t know where the bio is.”
He even looked it up on google but “apparently everybody knows where it is” cuz he couldn’t find an answer
He’s so precious
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He started a new video game and gave me the most enthusiastic status update on it:
“I’m selling lettuce on Saturn!”
Why, idk. All I know is he is excited about selling lettuce on Saturn.
Last I heard he’s also selling coconuts alongside the lettuce.
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