badrpstories

[badrpstories]

When I first started RPing a friend mentioned they had OCs they wanted to find partners for. I agreed and created some OCs to pair with theirs. We talked about it, and then RPed. I make a mistake and hurt their feelings in the RP. I tried everything to make things better, and to make the pairings work. I spent about three years trying. I came to find out that they started shipping their OC with someone else, and they didn’t tell me. They WASTED my time!!

#rp #submission #Anonymous

[badrpstories]

I was fucking blocked by my rp partner for asking them if they wanted to continue the rp because they outright ignored me. Imagine how petty you gotta be to do that. Fuck you man. That was so rude. If you cant even tell me you dont want to continue then clearly you need to grow up instead of blocking people. Imagine thinking the answer to everything is to block people. What a mindset

#rp #submission #Anonymous

[badrpstories]

I have a ship where there is a significant age difference. The ship is in the past. Both were legal adults from the onset. It's controversial because it is a hero/villain ship. My character is the hero and (wrongly) believes he was lied to and used by the villain character. This is false. However, a member of the roleplay insists that we tag all of our ship-related posts with the trigger "grooming." But... that's not accurate, so I don't think that's fair. What should I do?

I need more information before I can give a full opinion on whether or not it’s fair to ask it to be tagged so you will have however here are my takes based on the information I have:

Hero/villain ships are not grooming. Period full stop. 

Age gap ships where both parties are adults at onset of the relationship are not grooming no matter how great the age gap. 25 and 45 year olds in a relationship are just as healthy as a 23 and 25 year old.

Please keep in mind the above statements are only inherently and yes a 45 year old can groom a 25 year old, it’s just not inherently a relationship where grooming is occurring.

If they are asking for it tagged because of any of the lying stuff it is absolutely valid since either the perception of the hero that they are being or have been used is a reference to grooming OR if it’s because of the person who convinced the hero they’re being lied to it (assuming there is one) can serve as an example of grooming. (Remember, not all grooming has to be romantic in origin.) These are the only instances where it is potential case of grooming and can be perceived as such, even if it’s not, and I can understand where the person is coming from.

That being said if the person is asking for the tag grooming because they are made uncomfortable because grooming is a squick or being outright triggered it does not matter whether or not the tag is actually grooming, there needs to be some kind of tag on it. Whether it’s an “X don’t look” tag or a tag for the ship name so they can filter out the posts doesn’t matter, there has to be a way to filter it because nobody should be forced to view something that makes them uncomfortable, and you can negotiate what that tag is with them.

-Mod Anna

EDIT: So your local Mod Anna actually googled grooming to get more info on the term because I’d written a nice long post about the inherent nature of tagging and the best scenario and the more you know grooming isn’t just for any standard abusive situation. It is quite literally the act of a pedophile essentially working on getting close to a child and influencing them so they can be coerced into a sexual situation. (And I asked in a server to make sure this was still an active working definition of grooming as well. It is.)

Person requesting that specific tag is 100% in the wrong as so long as the initial encounters happened after both parties turned 18 you literally cannot have a grooming situation. Tagging it as tw: grooming would create the exact issue that happened to me in this situation where a term has been diluted and it would imply that an adult entering a relationship can be involved in a pedophilic situation which goes against the definition of the word as pedophilia is, quite literally, attraction of an adult to a child and thus makes it mean less when it actually matters. (For the sake of our arguments we’ll say pedophilia is the attraction of an adult to a minor four or more years younger but I know there’s a true working definition I’m too lazy to grab.)

There is literally one exception to this and it is as follows:

Adult sees a child several years younger and decides they are attracted to them.

Adult then proceeds to insert themself as close friend of child. They give them gifts and proceed to make the child feel special, fostering a perceived romantic bond for several years up until they turn eighteen.

Adult enters relationship with minor as soon as or very soon after they reach the legal age (18) and uses it to abuse fledgling adult.

Even then this is only grooming because it is likely done with pedophilic intent as the significantly older adult is taking advantage of the minor they are attracted to. 

In no other situation can a consenting relationship between two adults, no matter how wide the age gap, be considered grooming, as an adult cannot be groomed in any sense of the word. Manipulated, used, conditioned, and abused? Absolutely, but not groomed. 

I would ask why the person thinks it’s grooming first and foremost. Then I would offer them alternative tags based on what they actually need tagged. If the relationship is truly unhealthy or abusive, I would tag it as “abuse tw” just like you would any standard abusive relationship or “age gap” if it is an otherwise healthy ship since those can make people uncomfortable and that might be what’s happening. Otherwise, I would offer to tag it as either “person name don’t look” or “shipname” so they can still filter it out and (if they really are triggered by the rp in question) not be triggered by your ship if it truly is an instance of unrelated things causing a trigger to activate. You should still respect the person’s comfort levels, but in this instance asking them to compromise on the tag they’re asking you to use when the tag they’re requesting is flat out wrong I think would be perfectly fair.

tl;dr: Ask the member why it’s grooming and then offer alternatives to use so they can still filter accordingly and you don’t get labeled for writing pedophilia when you’re very clearly not. Because it’s not unfair for them to be asking you to tag something that makes them uncomfortable, but it is unfair for them to be asking you to tag something with an entirely incorrect label.

-Mod Anna

(PS OP I do still want more information, most notably because I want to make sure I’m not misunderstanding this and also because I am curious about the ship but I no longer need it to answer the ask.)

#not a story #this is a complex situation and really not enough info #the opinions in this post purely belong to Mod Anna and do not reflect the other mods #Anonymous #pedophilia tw #mentions of pedophilia but not actually pedophilic content

[badrpstories]

Making rules that say you have to follow canon to the letter and kicking someone out because they don't (in your opinion), yet breaking canon yourself and letting others break canon if you happen to like their suggestion just makes you a hypocrite.

#rp #submission #Anonymous

[badrpstories]

Maintaining relationship with the Rper when the Rp turned wrong is a bit difficult. I wonder if people had got through the same. For me while it is still tense between us, the Rper and I talk about our respective stories (more theirs than mine). Then every time they are like "should I write this? What about I do this and this? What should I do? Help me." All the times. I am like: "dude. It is your story. You have ideas, use them. Don't ask me to write the story for you"

#rp #submission #Anonymous

[badrpstories]

Hi. Do you remember about the topic where the mun had pretended to like my OCs while skipping them in our RPs? When I put a stop to Rp she suddenly said she cared. New things happened. She wrote oneshots about my OCs as a gift then she said "hope I make you happy with the improvement I make so we could Rp again and talk about our stories". I do not know if I am wrong in saying that no I am not happy since nothing she said about my OCs was said naturally and she should have been careful before.

I mean to be quite honest if I told somebody I was done rping with them for any reason and their solution was to write one shots about my ocs (especially since in this case it’s to prove that they do care about your oc) I think I’d be uncomfortable since that comes off as very manipulative. So no, I don’t think you’re wrong in saying that.

If you did at least enjoy the story, I would thank them for the stories but explain that writing one shots about your oc doesn’t fix the problem and that you’d still prefer not to continue writing with them. If what they wrote wasn’t a well done take on your characters it just kinda proves the “This was done to ensure I get to keep writing with you” point and I would just say you already decided that you no longer wanted to write with them and that writing a story isn’t going to suddenly cause you to change your mind. 

-Mod Anna

#not a story #Anonymous

[badrpstories]

Hi Op. No I didnt say that their interpretation was wrong. As I said I am not against changing characters and making them a bit different from original canon (it happened to me). However as all characters she made were villains who were given a redemption due to their tragic past and power of love, it became tiring. This and the fact that they wrote the villain in a way that forced sympathy and if my character did not fell for sympathy they were viewed in the wrong.

In response to this.

#Anonymous

[badrpstories]

Is it not rp etiquette to take turns sending starters instead of expecting all the effort to come from one person??? I have a partner who has sent a grand total of one meme in several months, and refuses to send any more despite all our other threads having been started by me. If one ends, they'll tell me to pick a meme or an open, but if I point out that they can browse mine too they ghost me for days and half ass replies to any threads they actually DO start.

#rp #submission #Anonymous

[badrpstories]

OP, if all you said to them was that you were worn out on the overused plot, then I can understand your frustration. But I hope you didn't actually tell them their interpretation was wrong because you didn't think their muse was deserving of redemption. Just like you can write your own muse however you see fit, so can they. Their interpretation isn't "wrong" because it isn't what you'd personally write.

In response to this.

#Mood honestly #Thresholds for deserving of redemption are so arbitrary -Mod Anna #rp #submission #Anonymous

[badrpstories]

(Sensitive topic) I am a bit annoyed when you have this RPer who "loves" too much playing sexual abuse for drama/melodrama (meaning basically giving sexual abuse background to any of their characters and forcing the other Rpers to Rp it and serving as psy) especially when it is for the sole purpose of forcing sympathy instead of developing the said character and having this character talk about it so freely like if they were in a tea party==

#abuse tw #sexual abuse tw #rp #submission #Anonymous

[badrpstories]

I am someone who likes using the Canon pretty much. However I am not often against characters being a bit OOC as long as the other Rper does not criticize my perception of a character. It happened to me to get accross someone who used the Draco in leather pants tropes too much for any villain they RPed. At one point I told them that this trope was a bit too much used in our RPs and I told them the character did not deserve redemption. Her answer : my interpretation is best ! Everyone loves it!

#rp #submission #Anonymous

[badrpstories]

Why is it that as soon as I write a starter for a new follower, they unfollow?

#rp #submission #Anonymous

[badrpstories]

To 620402185800482816: and you don’t think that’s exactly why I came here to vent about it instead of taking it out on them?

In response to this

(I just want to note that I assumed as much which is why I let the original through without comment. If I thought you (assuming you are OP) were actually being a dick to the rpers for not knowing any better I wouldn’t have let the submission through. -Mod Anna)

#not a story #any future asks pertaining to this subject will be deleted for the record #Anonymous

[badrpstories]

The thing with beginners is ofc theres tons of stuff they have to learn and to some people they're really annoying. You dont have to teach them everything, though it's nice to do what you can or offer advice, but more importantly you don't have to be a dick. If you're annoyed just don't interact with them or politely turn them down, long as you're not actively discouraging them/making them stop trying/etc. (Not accusing anyone just saying, you can be annoyed as long as you're not mean abt it!!)

In response to this and this.

#not a story #Anonymous

[badrpstories]

To the one who complains about beginners: they're... well, beginners. Self-inserting and powerplay is tempting, proper formatting might be confusing compared to usual messages, and being on par with worldbuilding requires training. Besides, everyone's got their limits of giving. Unless I've misunderstood you and those people refuse to learn anything, their skills will get better eventually. You're not obligated to babysit them, but discouragement won't help, whether the person is selfish or new.

In response to this.

#not a story #I agree by the way a lot of time it's just because they're still learning and when they're told it's a mistake #they grow out of it -Mod Anna #Anonymous

[badrpstories]

I absolutely hate how people say they really hate being ignored and that being ignored is the worst then proceed to ignore you themselves. The amount of times people ignore me is unreal. I love rping and it's a hobby of mine but sometimes I just want to throw it all out the window because I cant catch a fucking break with being ignored for no reason

#rp #submission #Anonymous

[badrpstories]

Why does it always seem like most beginner rpers are so fucking self centered? I haven’t really interacted with beginners for awhile and BOY is it frustrating sometimes. I literally had to ask earlier that they send everything in a single reply instead of typing out 2 sentences, hitting enter, then doing that again for the next 5 sentences. And then we’re trying to write a 3 way rp with one other person, and I’m stuck basically controlling all the npcs on top of my own character. UGH.

#rp #submission #Anonymous