Push him away? Fuck off, I did not so much as lay a finger on him! (Hah! I understand what you meant, but my point still stands. With the love and compassion I have for him, this cannot possibly be my fault.)
You have grown very confident, Raivis— far too confident. Do you ever consider that it could be your downfall?
It has been a while since I have written. Don't dare blame me; I was busy! Big brother remains distant, and I think that Raivis has something to do with it. Damn him! I wish I could fell a nation at will, sometimes.
Wait... I can. With a swift kick in the thing. Hah!
It has been a while since I have written. Don't dare blame me; I was busy! Big brother remains distant, and I think that Raivis has something to do with it. Damn him! I wish I could fell a nation at will, sometimes.
Wait... I can. With a swift kick in the thing. Hah!
Empty threats? Oh, so is the knife I have put to your back countless times something you would say is empty?
You have much more courage on the internet than you do in person, Raivis. I think that, were this conversation to have happened in person, I would have unzipped your guts like a suitcase. Hah!
But if “everyone” knows how disgusting I am, then I sure you see no problem in me telling big brother about this? I am sure he would understand why you would say such cruel things to his darling little sister. Is that what you want?
You… you keep his name out of your cat shit mouth! You think that you, of all people, would know anything about the love I have for my darling brother…?!
Hah, I spit on you! You are just as stupid as your friends. I could pop your tiny balls like grapes, if I wanted to!
It is morning now, and I have managed to get a few hours of sleep since my last entry. I had a sex dream.
But listen to this! Big brother woke me to tell me that he would watch the sunrise with me. Oh, I was so excited that I nearly put my dress on backwards! I must compose myself; if I were to fuck up and do that at my wedding, I would kill myself.
The sunrise was beautiful, but not nearly so compared to my beloved Ivan. I wished to rest my head on his shoulder, but he kept his distance as soon as we went outside… what a disappointment.
Still, I managed to steal glances of his face when I was sure he was not looking; his eyes in the sun’s blossoming glow look much like heaven.
I looked at other places, too, but clothing leaves too much to the imagination. I have always hated that.
It is very early in the morning at the time that I write this. I would put away my laptop computer and sleep if I were tired, but hah! I am wide awake, as I am only now coming down from a bad bout of nerves, and additionally the changing of the seasons always agitates my insomnia. What a crock of shit, that I cannot have anything good!
It was a suggestion from my sister, Yekaterina, that I begin this online journal. (That Tolys had the wherewithal to agree with her, but an asshole of his caliber will agree with any pair of tits! I think I will break his wrist again, when it heals.) It will help with my anger, she tells me. Hah! God forbid a woman have an "unladylike" perspective.
Perhaps I am rambling on in a way that is inappropriate for a first entry. If I am, I don't give a fuck. Unless big brother were to find this— and he will not, though the thought of my words troubling him excites me so!— then I have naught to worry about.
To anyone who reads this now: do not be mistaken! Though I will not say that I am pleased to meet you, I have yet to despise you. That will fall into the hands of God. However, I will give you some advice: if you make an ass of yourself, then I will treat you as such. Hah!