bpdbanette-blog

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trying to remember pretty much anything about your childhood like

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Things I Didn’t Know Were Symptoms of C-PTSD

Getting overwhelmed in crowds

Getting upset or angry at a loud alarm

Ordinary nightmares (that have nothing to do with the circumstances, just stupid nightmares much more often than the average person)

Getting sharp pains in your back/neck/collarbones that make it hard to breathe (due to hypervigilance/constant high anxiety)

Learning that “high anxiety” does not mean “generalized anxiety” like other people have with panic attacks and not feeling that they can accomplish thing. PTSD anxiety just means this frenetic energy that makes you want to talk/think/do things (even as an introvert) to avoid stopping.

Feeling constantly bored like you have to chase after something, even if you’re just at home: I spend hours on tumblr, pinterest, watching tv, reading books, making art, never just laying there alone…because if you stop…the darkness is there

Thinking up stories before bed. This is a symptom of high anxiety because you’re trying to calm down and fall asleep in a “safe world” where people are looking out for you and caring for you.

Trouble falling asleep (which is distinct from insomnia) because turning off electronics etc. doesn’t help since your heartrate/fight or flight response is engaged

Periods of racing heart (mine has gotten to 120bpm for five hours) that make you feel like you’re waiting for something to happen

Exaggerated startle response. When I was a kid I used to hide behind corners to surprise my sisters. Two years ago my friend hid under my desk to scare me. I literally screamed, fell out of the chair, and started crying. She was laughing because she thought the joke went well, and then got concerned because I kept crying.

Purposefully “tanking” a bad day with sad music/tv/movies/books because it “was already ruined anyway”

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new word: boft

cross between buff and soft

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don’t you just love how mental disorders are basically buy one get seven free

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A text I never expected to receive from my mother

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Afahahagaah suicide jail

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me linking together mental receipts of shit people said about me weeks or months ago trying to figure out if people hate me or not

#actuallyborderline #actually bpd #actuallymentallyill

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trust in the transformation you are about to go through

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Just PTSD Things

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got diagnosed with bpd and delusional disorder today!

#kp speaks #actuallymentallyill #actually bpd

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all i wanna do is get drunk and hang myself but i have no liquor and my dad threw out the rope. i was so fucking close last time. i was about to black out right when the fucking rope snapped. i’m still fucking pissed

#kp speaks #suicide tw #alcohol tw

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tfw find out what persosnality disorders i actually have tomorrow

iktf

i’m really fucking nervous

#kp speaks