byecancer

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Hello Again: Some Thoughts That Happen to Fall on World Cancer Day 2017

Hi--can you hear me? I don’t even know if people still follow this blog but even if one person reads this and connects in some way then I’ve done my part.

So. This is me now:

A lot has changed in the half-year since I posted on this blog. I’m throwing my picture out into the void but am still feeling nervous in the wake of the Catfish so I won’t go into too much general detail. But my life right now is amazing.

Except my health is not so great. I’m going to dive head-first into taboo and tell you all about my period problems because I am a young adult cancer survivor and our struggles are united and valid. I refuse to be ashamed anymore. We can find unity in pain.

Some background: I didn’t freeze my eggs before chemo. I was traumatized by the fertility councling process and did not want to delay treatment. I took Lupron shots instead and suspended my body’s reproductive system. Things were never quite the same after treatment. I didn’t have a period for 7 months, then had 2 periods a month for 4 months. I thought I finally fixed it this summer with a new birth control dosage.

Over winter break, though, I could barely eat. Every food caused me severe bloating and when my period arrived so did excruciating headaches and terrible cramps. I pledged to go to a doctor. My first doctor recommended I switch to another birth control regimen and I didn’t quite trust the advice; she was treating me like every other college patient and not like a cancer survivor with serious symptoms.

So I took charge, exactly as survivorship has taught me to, and got a second opinion. She immediately pledged to find out what was wrong with me.

Unfortunately, there are a lot of things wrong with me. And a lot of the things wrong with me are indeed related to cancer and treatment.

I have extremely low estrogen right now. After a quick Google search, I realized how many of my symptoms this explains. It’s also why I have been so exhausted, so quick to cry, and so sweaty at night. My doctor explained that this imbalance is related to birth control, and because of chemotherapy. We’re going to try to fix it. It’s going to be a long processes.

I am quite infertile. Luckily, I still have some eggs and will probably be able to freeze them after this treatment. This is great news for me, since this question has been up in the air since I rejected freezing before chemo. But it is also huge news. And it feels heavy nonetheless.

The third major thing is an endometriosis diagnosis. This also explains a lot. A week ago I had such severe cramps I thought I was going to have to go to the ER; I was seeing stars, I couldn’t stand up, and I felt like throwing up. Surgery should help fix this.

The diagnostic process reminded me of the trauma of the months and weeks leading up to my cancer diagnosis. I cried a lot in the past two weeks. It’s hard to have night sweats after surviving lymphoma. It’s hard to get an abnormal blood test and have to wait for results. It’s hard to be sick.

But I’m going to keep fighting. I’m trying so hard. 

Cancer survivors--please reach out if you share any of these struggles. I’m really in need of the community right now. Endometriosis girls? you out there? Could also use some advice and cheer. 

This is me reactivating my engagement with the community. I needed some time off. I hope I’ll find a bit of peace through writing and exploring these hard subjects.

#World Cancer Day #young adult cancer #survivorship #endometriosis #premature ovarian failure #endo #infertility

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"Are you trying to grow it out?" - my least favorite question in the world

#yes of course #I'm TRYING #it only grows so fast #you still need to trim it #people don't understand the concept of starting from scratch #cancer survivor #uuuuuugh

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one year.

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To be honest, I'm just so proud of me.

#national cancer survivors day #my one year anniversary is in 5 days #then 5 days after my birthday #so YAY #ncsd2016 #me

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National Cancer Survivor's Day

Today we are celebrating everyone who is living with a history of cancer. From someone who once had a melanoma removed to a patient experiencing a terminal form in its last moments, all lives touched by cancer are celebrated today.

We will never forget those we lost, and we know that they fought just as hard as us, if not harder.

We spend so much time in mourning; today we celebrate.

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❣ It’s World Blood Cancer Day! ❣

After having my pics stolen I was a bit nervous to post my face again, but this is really important:

The opportunity to save someone’s life is right in front of you & we desperately need your help. Check out worldbloodcancerday.org

#world blood cancer day #wbcd16 #please consider registering to become a donor #I can't anymore because I had blood cancer

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Update: I have her tumblr url that she was using to follow and steal from me. If you're a cancer survivor, I'd suggest messaging me and I'll let you know her url so you can block her. She's caught wind of me and seems to have taken my pictures down, but she's done this repeatedly so I'm worried she'll start again.

Dear Friends,

It has come to my attention through two incredible Good Samaritans that something terrible is happening. Someone is using my identity to pretend they have cancer online. My images (probably from this blog) are being used fraudulently to elicit sympathy and free goods on Facebook forums. I am the 5th victim of this individual. I’ll be suspending posting anything on this blog until I can sort my thoughts a bit, and decide on a course of action. I love the community I have here. One bad seed should not stop the amazing things we have built. Just please be wary. Be careful about who you’re interacting with online.

Love, Eva

#scam alert #catfish #psa #cancer community

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Dear Friends,

It has come to my attention through two incredible Good Samaritans that something terrible is happening. Someone is using my identity to pretend they have cancer online. My images (probably from this blog) are being used fraudulently to elicit sympathy and free goods on Facebook forums. I am the 5th victim of this individual. I’ll be suspending posting anything on this blog until I can sort my thoughts a bit, and decide on a course of action. I love the community I have here. One bad seed should not stop the amazing things we have built. Just please be wary. Be careful about who you’re interacting with online.

Love, Eva

#catfish #fraud #fraud warning #love you all

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This Week In Insensitive Buzzfeed Posts

these women tried short hair for a week and it was an emotional rollercoaster…

https://www.buzzfeed.com/jordanimbrey/these-women-tried-short-hair-for-a-week-and-it-was-an-emotio?utm_term=.ltxAmXrWZO

#congrats buzzfeed #ya done it again #can't even watch the video #stupid premise #buzzfeed #short hair #@buzzfeed #this perpetuates stereotypes that makes us anxious and also encourages women to be less adventurous

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Y'ALL! This makes me so happy! I've been feeling insanely insecure about my hair recently but look at this wonderful progress.

#10 month hair growth #hair growth #chemotherapy #hair loss #pixie cut #pixie mullet #chemo hair tips #lymphoma #hodgkin's lymphoma #young adult cancer #cancer survivor

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daily self care checklist ft. emojis 💖

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I'm 4 months post stem cell transplant for HL and I've been struggling with the whole 'back to normal' thing lately. Sometimes I think I'm just being slow/lazy (even when I know I'm not), any tips for being kinder to myself when these thoughts hit?

I do! Thanks for reaching out.Basically, I taught myself (slowly but surely) after chemo to remember that there's no such thing as going back to normal. And that's not a bad thing! It's actually really cool to know that you're building a new normal. Whether you want to see it as another chapter of the book of your life, or another step, or another stage, and way t see it, it'll be ok. It was so scary ending chemo and not being better. You have this one day you look forward to, and when it comes and goes it's worrisome when you're not immediately recovered.But that's ok. Time is ok. I've recently been amazed at how few cognitive issues I experience now. My brain is back. It happened, simply, with time. My main rule is to forgive myself.Forgive yourself for things that come in your way. Forgive yourself for being upset about the recovery. Let yourself cry, let yourself feel. Let roadblocks come at go. It's all part of the process. And you are strong enough.I hope that helps. I'm always here.

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Also just a question, are you going to cancercon this year? Obviously idk if I've got lymphoma or not, it's #unconfirmed, but IF I do, then I think I'd go. I love Denver and I imagine I'd feel less alone. I've heard about it before, and thought of it now 'cause it's pretty soon.

I'm not actually but it does sound awesome! Maybe one day :)

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hi! you are so awesome I love you!!!! you seriously rule n kick ass!! p.s would you happen to have more tutorial on how you do your different types of headwraps? I adore you!

Thank you so much that's so sweet! Have you seen my video from last year? https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yBjJvSBqUzo

If you’d like to see more, I can try to send some links I found back when I learned how!

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Update! I've been referred to hematology oncology, they're meant to be calling me tomorrow. I've only been getting worse so hopefully this is a good thing! Hope you're well xx

Sending you all the best. I hope you get some answers soon :)

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(I probably would've chosen the cap that prevents hair loss if FDA has approved it a year ago & if it worked for ABVD chemo)

But, I know this life-changing haircut for me was the buzzcut. It was, suffice it to say, an awakening.

we all had that one haircut that changed our lives for the better