byzantine-suggestions

[byzantine-suggestions]

byzantine pngs pt 1 👑 requested by @boujeegoblin

#queue

[byzantine-suggestions]

"Mom! They're criticizing my problematic historical blorbo inaccurately!"

#this is me @ all of those terrible romance books that make Justinian like. a slutty rake man whore #or that one weird book that made him a penny pinching loser #say what you will about Justinian #but I feel like the one thing you can't criticize him on is SAVING TOO MUCH MONEY

[byzantine-suggestions]

I want to write fiction set in the Byzantine Empire

#op you have no idea how badly I wish this was real

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named my stardew valley chicken Anna KomHENa and my dad said I should go to therapy

[byzantine-suggestions]

Theodora's wikipedia page is a good example of when wikipedia is not an exceptionally reliable source

#it's a whole mess #there's this one guy who gets pissy if you call her a Monophysite #so every few days he just shows up to edit her page to make her Orthodox #but he doesn't change the whole page #resulting in a self-contraditory page where she's listed as a Monophysite in some areas and an Orthodox Chalcedonian in others #some other guy added a line claiming that she was married to a Monophysite man before she met Justinian #which is obviously not true right? #are there any references to Theodora being a widow or a divorcee??? #and there are so many points where the article is just bad. bad grammar and poorly written sentences abound #there are whole sections that are extremely biased by people who either love or hate her #I keep thinking I should fix it but I'm not familiar enough with Wikipedia's rules to know what I can and can't do #in terms of deleting things and correcting things

[byzantine-suggestions]

I didn’t have “teenagers making Justinian/Theodora edits of Hamilton songs on TikTok” on my 2024 bingo card, but I guess this might as well happen

#that song is not a romantic duet in Hamilton by the way #it’s a song that a father sings to/about his newborn daughter #which adds an extra level of questionableness lol #justinian and theodora

[byzantine-suggestions]

So apparently there are two graphic novels named Maxentius, but I didn't know that, so I genuinely thought for a hot second that polyMATHY was going to be reviewing that bonkers Nika Riots comic with the evil wizard priest named Frollo that poisons Theodora with sedative-laced communion wafers

#ugh Maxentius (Byzantine Maxentius) has got to be one of my least favorite pieces of Justinian-era media #the art style is objectively fine—like you can tell that the artists are very talented #but every woman has the same exact face and hourglass figure and they're all half-naked all the time #or fully naked. there's a lot of nudity in this #and Maxentius is always like #Theodora is the PRETTIEST WOMAN EVER #but because of the way she's drawn Theodora looks absolutely identical to every other woman in the comic #they did give us Hobbit Procopius and Weirdly Buff Narses though. so that's cool I guess #queue

[byzantine-suggestions]

Definitive iceberg chart of weird Justinian and Theodora media, from least to most obscure

#sorry I abbreviated The Rise and Fall of the Roman Empire like it's a taylor swift song lmao #you'd think mainstream historical nonfiction books would rank less obscure but believe me most of the people I see talking about this time #are absolutely not reading actual books #the Rest is History Love Island competition probably shouldn't count as its own thing #but I would be surprised if it wasn't many people's first introduction to Theodora #queue

[byzantine-suggestions]

Harald Hardrada and George Maniakes as they should have been 😚. Let the rivalry begin!!

#art #<3

[byzantine-suggestions]

Life update

I promise I'm not dead! I know I haven't been super active on this blog lately, mostly because real life stuff has gotten in the way. Work got really busy (without going into a ton of boring details, I'm working on an experiment that involves complicated equipment that would not stop getting contaminated for weeks and weeks and weeks), then my mother had a cancer scare, and that was a nightmare. Fortunately, she got the results back, and IT'S NOT CANCER!!! So that's obviously a huge weight off my shoulders.

Anyway, all that to say I've been kinda drained lately, but things are looking much better now, and I will be returning to my snarky reviews of shitty Byzantine books very soon :)

#not byzantine #I'm sorry to the messages and asks in my inbox I will get to them soon! I just haven't had a ton of time to write/talk lately #I promise I didn't mean to ghost anyone for a month.... life just kind of kept happening for a while #anyway IT ISN'T CANCER!!! WOOOOOOOOO

[byzantine-suggestions]

Empress Theodora: *exists*

Me: Slay, Queen

#empress theodora

[byzantine-suggestions]

Alternate timeline where instead of that weird weeb phase with the Harajuku Girls, Gwen Stefani had a "Byzantine empress" aesthetic phase and hired a bunch of burly male dancers from Scandinavia as her Varangian Guard

@echofromtheabyss

[byzantine-suggestions]

Antonina: a powerful woman in the sixth-century Roman world

"Antonina was the most powerful uncrowned woman in the sixth-century Roman world. She deposed Pope Silverius, arranged for the sacking of John the Cappadocian, traveled across the Mediterranean with her husband, and even occasionally inserted herself into the running of his army. She knew soldiers, officers, the emperor, popes, bishops, and historians, and at various times commanded them, pleaded with them, and intimidated them. This is a remarkable resume, virtually unparalleled among Roman military wives, and certainly without parallel in the sixth century. She was a formidable woman and, like her friend and patron Theodora, one who was occasionally feared. If the reputation of Belisarius is sometimes inflated in modern evaluations, the reputation of Antonina has been chronically underappreciated. Historians have focused far too much on the Secret History story of Antonina’s affair and her supposed domination of Belisarius, and far too little on her exceptional career. She is evidence that elite women in the sixth century could take on public roles alongside their husbands."

Belisarius & Antonina: Love and war in the age of Justinian, David Alan Parnell

#antonina #she is indeed underappreciated #she's always written as Belisarius's mean girlfriend or Theodora's boring friend. she's never her own character and it makes me sad

[byzantine-suggestions]

in such a beautiful and diverse world i'm so glad to see that one thing stands true across all cultures no matter the time period: getting really fucking worked up about sports

#queue

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Tunic fragment, 300s-400s, Byzantine Empire.

#queue

[byzantine-suggestions]

I have a bunch of favorite Roman/Byzantine couples, ranging from Factual to Probable to Crackship. Which do you like best? (There’s no other option. You Must Choose)

#this is an old poll but yayyyy justinian and theodora sweep! #sorry i've been offline for like a hundred years I would've reblogged this if I saw it

[byzantine-suggestions]

You know how a lot of books just kind of adjust Theodora's appearance so she fits whatever beauty standard the author thinks is prettiest—like, she's a frail consumptive maiden in Victorian novels, and a busty, hourglassy housewife in 1950s novels, and a rail-thin Victoria's Secret model in 2000s novels? Well, apparently the modern version of that is making her a Kardashian

#I don't know who the artist is sorry #I found this on google images and I literally said 'they yassified them' out loud to myself #queue