choir-tales
Choir Tales
Hey, I'm Gil. You thought that since we're singing in Latin we're formal? The language is dead and so is my sanity. Welcome to choir practice.
36 posts
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
Last Seen Blogs
shomarekhalehh
Untitled
theinvisibledoodlewizard
I Change Hyper Fixations At The Speed Of Light
famhje
Mashed Potato Comics
beprofree-blog
Sans titre
tanthuevietvn
Trần Ngân
Text
My music department has our final showcase starting in half an hour and my band is third up so this'll be fun :)
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
S2E3 - Midterms Are Coming
[6/2/19]
Conductor: *talking about a word in the line* let's deal with the children.
Me: O.o
-
Conductor: *begins to conduct*
Choir: * begins to sing*
Pianist: *comes to a rest and full on stops*
Conductor: *blissfully continues to conduct*
Choir: *confused stumbling because the pianist stopped*
Conductor: *whips around to stare accusingly at the pianist*
Pianist: *hurriedly starts playing again*
Conductor: -_-
-
Conductor: *talking about the word again* now we address the children again. You need to focus the last syllable, the "nyeh" focusing, snarly noise. But quiet. Not soft so it slurs. Just quiet.
Choir: .....????!!????
Conductor: *light bulb moment* you know like when you get told off for taunting your siblings like *mimics parents* "stop that now" *mimics kid* "okay..." *looks shiftily to the side* *whispers* "nah nah nah nah nah"
Choir: *roars*
-
Conductor: .... you guys are lacking energy today, let's try that again and this time sing it like you're not dying and instead talking a stroll on a beautiful day in the neighborhood. Or a neighborly day in the beautiful hood depending on where you are.
Choir: oooOOOHHHHH
-
Conductor: wheRE are you guys' energy!?like okay I know it's close to midterms but surely you have enough for this- like wait did you leave it all outside before you came in??? Imma go get it *literally runs towards the door*
Choir: *indulgent grins*
Conductor: *opens door, runs outside*
Choir: .....
Conductor: *faint voice from outside* found it!
Choir: *roaring*
Conductor: *jogs back in* guys there was a guy on a golf cart outside and he looked at me like I was insane
Choir: *wheezing*
-
Conductor: it's like you guys are blobs. I want energy. Not blobbiness. Or Blobs. EnerGY
Choir: *skeptical snorts*
-
Choir: *mangles a piece, pianist botches, the conductor conducts wrongly* *everyone peters off in confusion*
Conductor: *bewildered staring down at the book* ... oh. There's a key change from 2/4 to 4/4 and I didn't switch haha.
Choir: *sighs wearily*
Girl next to me: *makes synchronized eye contact* *deadpan* oh thEreS a kEy chAngE is thERE
Conductor: *slaps his hand* bad hand bad hand
Choir: .......
Girl next to me: ... I'm gonna wake up at 2 AM and laugh at that
Me: *snort*
0 notes
Text
S2E2 - It's A Long Life
[27/2/19]
Conductor: *talking about a basketball dunk* yeah the only time I've actually reached the hoop I hit my wrist on the rim. Too much gravity.
Girl next to me: *leans over* more like too much Krispy Kreme doughnuts.
Me: *snorting*
-
Choir: *going over a line*
Conductor: I know the "life" (word) is long, it's a long life, but don't let your life deflate at the end.
Choir: *dead looks* *repeats the line*
Me: *forgets and runs out of breath* .... my life definitely deflated. If only it were the end.
Girl next to me: *agreeing snort*
-
Conductor: *leads us through a line* Hey that's the title!! :D
Girl next to me: he should have made that joke like 15 minutes ago when we sang the line for the first time.
-
Conductor: okay everyone take out the song "I Stand Redeemed" except this time ill let yall Sit Redeemed.
Choir: *mingled groaning and relieved sighing*
-
Choir: okay the diction for this word needs to be this way- I stand! *shrieks* I stand!!
Choir: *flinching*
-
Conductor: so wait *to the Assistants behind him* what does that line sound like *expectant stare*
Assistants: ....?!?!?!?!?.....
Guy in the choir: *cricket chirp noise*
Conductor: *whirls around and points* aHA
-
Bonus:
My friends at the table: okay does anyone else think that the Conductor could definitely be Santa Claus like get the man a red hat and suit he already has the beard and belly
Half the table: "YESSSSS"
Other half: ooohHHHHHHH
0 notes
Text
S2E1 - My Preciousssss
[25/2/19]
Conductor: I need you to cackle, ladies! Ehehehehe, I'll get you my precious! *high pitched voice*
Sopranos and altos: *snickering*
-
Conductor: no wait go back to precious. It's not prEEcious. People in Alabama may be preecious but we are not from Alabama so we will say prehcious. And not *rubs hands together* *voice deepens* my preciousssssss
Choir: *cackling*
Conductor: so did you guys see that corny joke that since Martin Freeman and Andy Serkis were in Black Panther they were the Tolkien white guys eh eh ;D
Choir: *mingled confused silence and uproarious laughter*
Conductor: okay moving on
-
Conductor: so the other night you guys did an amazing diminuendo and it was great and keep doing that
Choir: *immediately proceeds to botch it because we were complimented*
Conductor: I just said- well that was what you were NOT supposed to do-
Choir: *sheepish laughter*
-
Conductor: *works with us on a few parts* *stops us in the middle of a part*
Choir: *confused trailing off wondering what we did wrong*
Conductor: *throws his hands up* THAT WAS AWESOME AND BEAUTIFUL so we're doing it again everyone back to measure 37.
Choir: *good natured complaining as we turn back*
Conductor: *listens*
Choir: *muffled laughter*
-
Conductor: like "WAHOOO!!!" *high pitched voice* when he lOoKs aT mEEE *voice cracks horrifically*
Girls: *dying laughing*
Conductor: .... and since your voices are actually made for that and you can do it let's do it
Girls: *crying with laughter, someone actually shrieks with laughter*
28 notes
·
View notes
Text
Announcement Of Sorts: Season 2
.
We have a new source of stories!
One of my best friends over at @sauronkhamulmaniac recently joined a choir and has given me permission to post her stories here as #Copy Cat Choir Tales, so that's right babes we're back up and running regularly for the foreseeable future
Anything I post as myself will be tagged as #Gil Says A Thing, and anything that comes directly from her as #Kiya Says A Thing
See y'all back on stage!
1 note
·
View note
Text
Announcement Of Sorts
Hey,
So this year I applied to study music at the other end of the country. I had the audition today and apparently I've been accepted! *jazz hands*
But of course this unfortunately means I'm going to have to leave my choir, and so far I haven't been able to find one in my new city.
So depending on how this pans out I might be able to find one, or I might end up telling short stories from the course itself, or if I end up with regular stories I might make a new blog for those.
However this goes, I'm glad I have this record of the fun I've had with my choir over the last year, and I guess we'll see what happens.
So thanks for hanging around,
Gil
0 notes
Text
We got the review back and I think they liked it
Carnegie Hall Special
[2/12/18] - Rehearsal One
-
We are singing Choral Fantasy and Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony.
Both of these pieces are very high.
And in German.
I do not speak German.
I do not know how to pronounce German.
…..
WING IT
-
Girl next to me: So where are you from?
Me: New Zealand.
Girl: OH you’re from that group that’s from all over!
Me: The group from all over?
Girl: They say there’s a group that’s from a bunch of different countries and they were practicing with each other online!
Me: Oh yeah, that would be us. Uhh…we didn’t. Our director just said that to make it sound like we knew what we were doing.
Girl: …..
Me: Most of us are winging it.
-
Person: How do you get to Carnegie Hall? Practice, practice, practice! Haha
Me, who has had the music for ten months, is performing it tomorrow, and has not yet sung it out loud:
Other person: So how’s your practice going?
Me:
-
My friend, later: You sIGHTREAD YOUR MUSIC ON THE STAGE AT CARNEGIE HALL?!
Me: No, I sightread my music the day before I was on stage at Carnegie Hall.
Friend: *facepalm*
Me:
About five hours into the rehearsal one of the stagehands got a phone call. This was heralded by the Rocky theme blasting from the side of the room as said stage hand scrambled to turn it off.
-
The sopranos and altos were seated at opposite sides of the room, separated by the tenors and basses. Upon someone asking about whether this was to improve the balance of the voices the conductor informed us that “No, it’s because their personalities don’t mix.”
-
Conductor: Sopranos, if some of those notes are too high, lip-sync them.
Sopranos: *mumble of understanding*
Conductor: At least lip-syncing is always in tune.
-
Conductor: Buy a lime, bite down on it. That’ll give you the right mouth position.
Most of choir: *cringes slightly*
-
Choir: *singing one of the most joyful, climatic phrases in the entire piece and enjoying ourselves immensely*
Conductor: Sopranos you sound like you’re singing a drinking song.
Sopranos: :(
-
The audience will be large. Apparently the hall seats approximately 2800 people.
._.
[3/12/18] - Rehearsal Two
-
I woke up sick with very little voice and a cough that made me sound like I was dying enough to prompt one choir member to ask whether I had bronchitis so this day started well.
-
It’s been almost ten minutes and all that’s happened so far is my group has been arguing about when in the music we’re supposed to stand.
-
The guy waiting next to me is….tap dancing? While we’re waiting? Eh, you do you.
-
OH MY LORD CARNEGIE HALL HAS FREE WIFI
-
My group’s dressing room is on the fifth floor.
So many stairs.
So.
Many.
Stairs.
-
*choir finishes singing a section*
Conductor: Y'all need to gET YOUR HEADS OUT OF YOUR BOOKS. ESPECIALLY THE SOPRANO- *points in my direction*
Me: *panics*
Conductor: -IN THE RED SWEATER
Me: *relieved sigh as I realise he’s pointing to the lady two positions to my left*
-
Stagehand before dress rehearsals started: If you feel dizzy, just quietly sit down. If the person next to you sits down and looks bad, check if they’re alright. If you feel like you’re going to throw up, book it off stage and someone will help you. We have experience with this.
Me: ….
-
About half an hour later the choir paused at the end of a section for the conductor to go over something. From the side of the stage a stagehand glanced towards the altos and said very casually into his headset: “We have a singer down. Could we get some assistance on the other side please.”
-
Speaking of stagehands and assistance. The only ways on and off the stage (unless you’re planning on diving off the front) are through doors that, for the most part, are kept closed.
Clearly, the stagehands have peepholes.
And from what I heard, quite a few.
I spent most of that rehearsal feeling very watched.
-
[3/12/18] - Concert
I was mostly better by the time we got to the concert, having slept most of the time between dress to call time, and so managed to sing the majority of the music.
Apparently there were multiple choir members having difficulty staying awake during the first three movements of the Ninth Symphony which I do understand but guys. It’s- You’re sitting on the main stage a Carnegie Hall.
We got to the end and there was a beat of silence and then someone sCREAMED and the entire hall burst into applause and we got a standing ovation and it was great.
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
Carnegie Hall Special
[2/12/18] - Rehearsal One
-
We are singing Choral Fantasy and Beethoven's Ninth Symphony.
Both of these pieces are very high.
And in German.
I do not speak German.
I do not know how to pronounce German.
.....
WING IT
-
Girl next to me: So where are you from?
Me: New Zealand.
Girl: OH you're from that group that's from all over!
Me: The group from all over?
Girl: They say there's a group that's from a bunch of different countries and they were practicing with each other online!
Me: Oh yeah, that would be us. Uhh...we didn't. Our director just said that to make it sound like we knew what we were doing.
Girl: ......
Me: Most of us are winging it.
-
Person: How do you get to Carnegie Hall? Practice, practice, practice! Haha
Me, who has had the music for ten months, is performing it tomorrow, and has not yet sung it out loud:
Other person: So how's your practice going?
Me:
-
My friend, later: You sIGHTREAD YOUR MUSIC ON THE STAGE AT CARNEGIE HALL?!
Me: No, I sightread my music the day before I was on stage at Carnegie Hall.
Friend: *facepalm*
Me:
About five hours into the rehearsal one of the stagehands got a phone call. This was heralded by the Rocky theme blasting from the side of the room as said stage hand scrambled to turn it off.
-
The sopranos and altos were seated at opposite sides of the room, separated by the tenors and basses. Upon someone asking about whether this was to improve the balance of the voices the conductor informed us that "No, it's because their personalities don't mix."
-
Conductor: Sopranos, if some of those notes are too high, lip-sync them.
Sopranos: *mumble of understanding*
Conductor: At least lip-syncing is always in tune.
-
Conductor: Buy a lime, bite down on it. That'll give you the right mouth position.
Most of choir: *cringes slightly*
-
Choir: *singing one of the most joyful, climatic phrases in the entire piece and enjoying ourselves immensely*
Conductor: Sopranos you sound like you're singing a drinking song.
Sopranos: :(
-
The audience will be large. Apparently the hall seats approximately 2800 people.
._.
[3/12/18] - Rehearsal Two
-
I woke up sick with very little voice and a cough that made me sound like I was dying enough to prompt one choir member to ask whether I had bronchitis so this day started well.
-
It's been almost ten minutes and all that's happened so far is my group has been arguing about when in the music we're supposed to stand.
-
The guy waiting next to me is....tap dancing? While we're waiting? Eh, you do you.
-
OH MY LORD CARNEGIE HALL HAS FREE WIFI
-
My group's dressing room is on the fifth floor.
So many stairs.
So.
Many.
Stairs.
-
*choir finishes singing a section*
Conductor: Y'all need to gET YOUR HEADS OUT OF YOUR BOOKS. ESPECIALLY THE SOPRANO- *points in my direction*
Me: *panics*
Conductor: -IN THE RED SWEATER
Me: *relieved sigh as I realise he's pointing to the lady two positions to my left*
-
Stagehand before dress rehearsals started: If you feel dizzy, just quietly sit down. If the person next to you sits down and looks bad, check if they're alright. If you feel like you're going to throw up, book it off stage and someone will help you. We have experience with this.
Me: ....
-
About half an hour later the choir paused at the end of a section for the conductor to go over something. From the side of the stage a stagehand glanced towards the altos and said very casually into his headset: "We have a singer down. Could we get some assistance on the other side please."
-
Speaking of stagehands and assistance. The only ways on and off the stage (unless you're planning on diving off the front) are through doors that, for the most part, are kept closed.
Clearly, the stagehands have peepholes.
And from what I heard, quite a few.
I spent most of that rehearsal feeling very watched.
-
[3/12/18] - Concert
I was mostly better by the time we got to the concert, having slept most of the time between dress to call time, and so managed to sing the majority of the music.
Apparently there were multiple choir members having difficulty staying awake during the first three movements of the Ninth Symphony which I do understand but guys. It's- You're sitting on the main stage a Carnegie Hall.
We got to the end and there was a beat of silence and then someone sCREAMED and the entire hall burst into applause and we got a standing ovation and it was great.
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
S1E16 - Strings in the Foyer
[21/11/18]
-
Due to someone recording a CD in the primary rehearsal room, the symphony orchestra had been displaced to the foyer of the building we all practice in. The auditorium is in no way soundproofed in the direction on the foyer. Our conductor threw a lot of dirty looks towards the door over the course of the evening.
-
Conductor, talking about pronunciation: That's right, isn't it tenors?
Tenors: *no clear response*
Conductor, referring to himself: Yes Nigel
-
Conductor: I don't want anyone breathing there. If they do there will be MURDER in the camp
-
Conductor: It's about as exciting as uhhhhh.......as a repeat episode of Coronation Street!
-
Conductor: It's chaos! Like a democratic party! In America!
Everyone: Ohhh
-
Conductor: This is a good one to sing while you're dusting around the house
Women: *squint collectively* ......
Conductor: I'm talking to the men by the way
Women: hA
-
Conductor: eE aA Ee oH it sounds like a donkeys' chorus!
-
*singing pauses*
*various stringed instruments playing in the foyer*
Conductor: *narrows eyes*
*mimes holding a shotgun* *turns and fires it in direction of sound*
*cackling from choir*
-
I turned a page in a new piece and almost had a heart attack because I forgot there was supposed to be a soprano soloist singing and thought for an instant that I was going to have to sing the top line of this
with no warning whatsoever.
-
Conductor: There's no FLAVOUR. It's like having chips without any salt on.
*audible gasp from single alto*
-
Conductor, to rest of choir: Are you hearing this? They sound like a group of donkeys when they've been drinking whisky all night! Basses. Don't.
-
Conductor: Are we feeling happy tenors?
Tenors: *soft mumbling*
Conductor: *high pitched voice* I'm always happy, say the tenors
-
Conductor: This is another one that's good to sing while dusting. *begins to stroke piano while singing Let It Snow*
Choir: .......
-
Conductor: Are we feeling happy tenors?
*non-committal mumble*
Conductor: *high-pitched voice* I'm always happy, say the tenors
-
I flipped the page on a new piece and almost had a heart attack because I forgot we had a soprano soloist and for an instant thought I was going to have to sing this
*****
with no warning whatsoever.
-
Conductor: Are we feeling happy tenors?
Tenors: *soft mumble*
Conductor: *high-pitched voice* I'm always happy, say the tenors
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
S1E15 - Rehearsal of the Smart People
[13/11/18]
-
Lady, to soprano I've never seen before: Are you singing 1st or 2nd?
New lady: *indignantly* I HAVE BEEN IN THIS CHOIR FOR YEARS
First lady, slightly taken aback: I've never seen you?
New lady: WELL I'VE SEEN YOU HUNDREDS OF TIMES
Me: ...
First lady: .....
Me: ........
First lady: .........ok
-
Conductor, standing on a chair: Hm, this is good. I should get something to stand on usually so that you're not all looking down on me
Tenor: We always look up to you
*Laughter*
Conductor: Oh, I like him. Someone make a note of his name.
-
Conductor: There are TWO THINGS I hate in this world, well actually there are quite a few things, but they're paperwork, late people, and warmups!
.
(yes he specified two things and then listed three)
-
*someone's phone starts loudly ringing several minutes later*
Me: *gasps dramatically*
Conductor: And the fourth thing, PHONES IN REHEARSAL
Me: *subtly turns my phone over from where I'm typing up the previous quote*
-
Conductor, happily: We have the smart people here tonight. Get a list of the people missing and we can know who the dumb ones are.
-
Conductor, after we finish singing a section: What's wrong with it?
Alto, clearly tired of singing this piece: It's too low.
Conductor: *unimpressed look*
Conductor: Come on, what's wrong with it?
Same alto: Nothing?
Conductor: *even more unimpressed look*
Choir: *awkward silence*
Conductor: It was too slow!
Choir: ohhh
-
Conductor: I think all choristers should have to spend a year in a nunnery or monastery and learn how to sing a chant.
Me to the lady next to me: I'm up for that. Relative solitude, not being bothered by people...
-
Conductor is now signed on for a long term contract flip yeah
-
Lady 1, holding the carol book being handed out: Do you need one of these?
Me: Nah, not really. I'm not going to be here for the concert.
New lady: What, why not?
Me, realising this lady has never met me before and has no idea what I'm like: *casually and without skipping a beat* The government caught up with my family and we're fleeing the country in a couple of weeks
New lady: Are you serious?
Me: Mmhmm
New lady:
.......
Lady 1: She's having us on.
Me: Yeah, I'm part of the group going on the Carnegie trip.
New lady: *pauses for several seconds and then turns away* ...strange child.
Me: *narrows eyes at being called child* *internally adds new lady to my "people who are no fun" list*
Me: *remembers how the first thing she did upon arriving was yell at someone and simultaneously adds her to my "people to mess with" list*
-
Bonus: The lady who initially asked if I needed a choral book was in no way new, clearly recognised the glint in my eye the moment I opened my mouth to reply, and spent the entire interaction staring me dead in the eyes with a sort of amused-at-the-new-person-being-confused-by-this/wait-where-are-you-going-with-this? expression.
-
Lady in front of me: *surprisedly* You have normal laces on today.
Me, indicating to my heelys: yes but see I also have wheels so I think that balances it out.
Lady: Good point.
-
Conductor: Oh, that's a good idea actually. We should all get together and have a karaoke night.
Choir: *interested primarily positive response*
Conductor: And it can be the audition for getting into the choir next year!
Choir: *groans*
-
Conductor: Can someone please send the basses a semitone for Christmas!
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
S1E14 - The Stage Hand With Neon Shoes
[6/11/18]
Today's fashion choice: Black. Literally just entirely black, except for the bright green shoes.
I looked like a stage hand who'd lost their shoes but honestly I didn't care.
-
Lady sitting in front of me: *turns around and sees my shoes* How many different pairs of those do you ha- OH MY GOSH THEY'RE ACTUALLY THE SAME COLOUR
-
Conductor, talking about diction: It's "full of miseryy"
Me: like me
-
He told a story about when he played the trombone back when he was younger and their conductor kept saying "I can't hear the choir, I can't hear the choir!" And the choir was like, uhh we're singing as loud as we can and so they all got together and the band said, "okay, we'll all just mime playing this time"
The result according to their conductor?
"That was so much better!!"
-
One of the pieces we were doing involved a significant number of phrases that ended with the word Death, resulting in several...interesting pointers on breathing.
Conductor: I don't care if it's your last breath, don't breathe there!
If it is your last breath, at least sing it well. You can breathe after Death.
*choir snickering*
-
Conductor: The third is the most important part of the chord because it's the difference between the major and minor and right now it's like knowing whether it's Marmite or Vegemite!
-
Conductor: You're late! And flat as a witch's- *pauses* pancake...
Choir: .....
Conductor: Almost said the wrong thing there. That would have been my last rehearsal.
-
Conductor: You can't breathe after life. You can breathe after death.
-
Conductor: Some of you need to write to Santa and ask for an abacus for Christmas because you CAN'T COUNT
-
*pianist playing several chords to show everyone what we're supposed to sound like*
Conductor, sighing happily: Ah, It's like a baby being born isn't it?
Older lady from somewhere in the depths of the altos: No.
-
Conductor: This piece is so beautiful, I'm going to go home and sit in the hot spa and listen to it with a-
Conductor and random soprano simultaneously: Gin and tonic.
Choir: *amused noise*
Conductor: Dont tell Jenny Craig
-
Conductor, about Have Yourself a Merry Christmas: It's very American isn't it? Not that I have anything against America. God bless America!
Lady in front of me: *mutters* It certainly needs blessing.
Me: oH SHE WENT THERE
-
Things said while chocolate fish were being handed out:
.
Board of Trustees person, pulling out the bag of chocolate fish: "I felt like this is a very Kiwi thing to do"
.
Board of Trustees person: "These two people also are going to get chocolate fish, though they don't currently know why."
Random tenor: "That sounds fishy"
.
Board of Trustees person: "So the sopranos will be doing the washing up first followed by maybe the altos, maybe the men- *spins around* HAVE YOU EATEN THAT ALREADY"
Tenor who had just been given a chocolate fish and was attempting to sneak another: *guilty look*
0 notes
Text
S1E13 - I'M THE NEW ACCOMPANIST (totes not clickbait)
[23/10/18]
Conductor: Altos it sounds like lambing season in here
-
Lady: *starts singing something out of nowhere while conductor is singing a piece to show everyone how it goes*
Conductor: Next time the committee has a meeting I'm going to come over there and interrupt YOUR meeting
-
Conductor: You sound like my budgie!
-
I shot a hairtie at a lady a couple of rows in front of me to get her attention because she was holding the music copy the conductor was trying to pass back to me. It then went missing and I didn't find it until about half an hour later when someone else spotted it for me.
It had bounced off her hair and gone half way across the stage to land under the piano.
-
Men: ~But if you really hold me tiigghhtt~
Conductor: Pay attention to me. Or I will be holding you tight. Around the neck.
-
Me: *calmly chilling at the piano during break, playing a piece from The Corpse Bride because October*
Conductor: Alright everyone, let's go! Gil, could you give me an A?
Me, internally: I am now officially the choir's accompanist I accept that this is my place in the world and this is my life now
*actual pianist returns several minutes later and I am forced to return to the choir*
-
Conductor: You know, my cat sings like you *walks over to piano and key smashes*
Soprano: Better than the budgie
-
Conductor: You know, I used to like this piece.
-
Conductor: I think I need to go see a psychiatrist after this section.
*murmur of agreement from choir*
-
Conductor: Alright, Altos! *glances at music* *mutters* ohh you are going to muck this up for us aren't you *louder* it's an A flat!
-
Conductor: *laughing* Oh, I love note bashing with all of you. You know, if I wasn't on Jenny Craig, I would be going home and having six gin and tonics after this
1 note
·
View note
Text
S1E12 - Christmas Is Coming
[16/10/18]
Conductor, about our last concert: Afterwards I went home and I had two gins.
Choir: *quiet laughter*
Conductor: And they were celebratory gins, not suicidal gins.
-
Me, switching on my LED shoelaces: Oh, oh, check out my shoelaces!
Lady next to me: *jaw drops*
-
He made one of the tenors sit directly in front of him because he turned up late.
-
Conductor: The UK used to have this incredible gravy called Bisto-
*muffled amusement from everyone because we have it over here as well*
-
Conductor, to sopranos: Sing softer, we don't want little baby Jesus to have nightmares do we?
-
Sopranos: ~angels in the sky, brought this message nigh~
Conductor: Well I don't know about angels in the sky. I can think of some other feathered things though. *mutters* more like a squawking eagle.
-
Conductor: Next time someone says 'lee', you're going to pay me one dollar.
Choir: Oohh
Conductor: And it's going to go towards my gin fund.
-
Conductor, to altos: So what's the hardest part of this piece?
Me, quietly, from my corner in the sopranos: maintaining my will to live.
-
Conductor, at the end of practice: I'm not stressed yet.
Me: Well I am, but then that's my natural state so....yeah
-
*Waiting in the dark foyer for my ride with my shoelaces on rave mode*
Every person who walked past me: Oh my goossshhh
0 notes
Text
Rehearsal Week - 2/2
[29/9/18]
-
Day 6: Saturday. Morning. Ugh.
The lady from last night who thought I hadn't been here came over to apologize. I was sitting on the floor at the time and when leaning over to speak with me she accidentally spilt water on my head and it was the funniest thing that had happened all week.
-
Conductor, about one of the timings: It's like coming on stage in a bikini when everyone else is wearing black and white.
Me: It's like what now.
-
Someone appears to have brought their kid so everyone's doing their thing and there's this six year old just wandering around the stage, walking through the middle of the orchestra, and no one's questioning it because they're focusing on playing.
-
Conductor: Does everyone have that?
Choir: *affirmative response*
Conductor: *mumbles* Bet you haven't
-
Tenor: *arrives*
Conductor: Nice of you to turn up! How was breakfast?
Tenor, cheerfully: Very good thanks!
Conductor, to us: I gave the soloists the option to come with me to the market this morning and have breakfast, or they could sleep in and have breakfast on their own. And they decided to sleep in.
Tenor: *shrugs* Are you surprised?
-
Choir: *singing Chorus Of The Wedding Guests in English*
*Tenor solo comes up*
*beat of silence*
Tenor: ....I only know it in Italian.
Conductor: ......
Choir: .......
Pianist: ........
Orchestra: ......
Conductor: Well I guess the solo's going to be in Italian then.
Choir: *cheers*
-
Conductor, after Tenor finishes: *turns towards seating* How was it?
Bass, sitting alone in the middle of the auditorium: *calls* I bow to your superior knowledge.
Conductor, not hearing properly: What?
Bass: SOUNDS GREAT
-
Me: Who even invented the organ? Like, what sort of person looks at a set of pan pipes or whatever and says, "let's make these like fifty thousand times bigger, and then add buttons and pedals and three keyboards"
Lady next to me: *shrugs* I'm sure it's buried somewhere in history.
-
Me, to Stage Manager: Hey, can I switch seats? I'm recovering from being sick and my only chance at singing in this is if I'm in the back row where I can hear myself.
SM: No, we need to have a certain number of firsts and seconds in that row. But you can if you can work it so that there's still three firsts and two seconds.
Me: Oh. Okay, I'll talk to the other people in the row.
*Half an hour later*
SM: hey Gil, did you work that out?
Me, who'd had a conversation with them where we all unanimously agreed to pull a 'don't tell the SM' and just insert me into the row: Uh, yeah.
SM: Great!
Me: *sweats*
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Rehearsal Week - 1/2
[24/9/18] - [28/9/18]
-
Day 1: Monday
I remember nothing of this rehearsal except that it ended with me sitting against the window drawing on the back of my sheet music despite my complete inability to draw.
-
Day 2: Tuesday
Me: *is sitting on the step above where I'm supposed to be*
Lady next to me, about the conductor: Aren't you scared of him?
Me: no
Lady: *impressed look*
-
Pianist: *getting things wrong again*
Conductor: *sighs* Did one of you pay her to mess up my rehearsal?
-
I ended up drawing at the back again and eventually decided to write out the entire circular Gallifreyan alphabet which in hindsight I'm quite glad that no one else saw because they probably would have thought I was part of a cult.
-
Day 3: Wednesday
Me: *has been assigned a seat in the middle of the choir for the concert*
Lady next to me: How does it feel joining the crowd?
Me: nggghnoooo
-
Conductor: Are you all happy with that bit?
Choir: Yeah
Conductor: Because you look miserable.
Me: *mumbles* I always look miserable that's just my face
-
Conductor, at 8:15pm: Oh we've gone past our break time. Do you all want to stop and have it now or just go til the end?
Me, who got to sleep at 6:45am, hadn't eaten all day, and was still slightly unwell: Break. Please.
Rest of the choir: Eh, let's just keep going.
Me: *internal sobbing*
-
Day 4: Thursday
Free daaayyy
-
Day 5: Friday
The city clocktower's face was lit up red and it looked like the Eye of Sauron. Just a general observation.
-
Me: *arrives*
Lady: Gil! Good to see you! I thought you'd died or something.
Me: ...why?
Lady: Well you haven't been here all week.
Me: Yes I have.
Lady: Oh?
Me: Yeah, I've just been sitting at the back. Dying.
-
Conductor: Altos you sound as confident as the NZ 1st party is of winning the next election.
Choir: oohhhHHH
-
Conductor: You see where it says pp?
Choir: Yes
Conductor: It's a mistake. It should say mezzo forte. Gounod himself came and told me last night in a dream.
-
Conductor: Alright everyone, let's go back to J for JAFA's. *mutters* There's a few of you here tonight.
Choir: *laughter*
-
*Bass soloist nearly falls off the step he was standing on*
*Tenor soloist struggles not to laugh in the middle of his line*
-
Apparently the bass soloist is also a pianist and I found him playing the La La Land soundtrack in the foyer while chatting to the tenor soloist during the break.
-
Conductor: If anyone is looking at their books and not me during that line, you are DEAD. The lyrics aren't difficult, they're just Sanctus Sanctus Sanctus Domine.
Several choir members: Dominus.
Conductor: what?
Choir: It's Dominus, not Domine.
Conductor: .......oh
Choir: *revels in satisfaction*
-
Lady: Hello Gil, how are you today?
Me, cheerfully climbing over the backs of chairs: Oh you know, dying as usual :)
Lady: *chuckles*
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
[11/9/18]
I'm not calling this an episode because literally nothing happened other than the men being told that they don't lay eggs, chickens do, but I did see a traffic cone halfway up a tree in the middle of a roundabout on the way there so that's something
0 notes
Text
Choral Workshop
[8/9/18]
Five hours of choir practice. I'm exhausted but in heaven.
-
Me: *sitting on the floor next to the window absorbing my monthly dosage of sunlight and listening to abba*
*later*
Lady: I saw you soaking up the sun earlier
Me: Mm, I was photosynthesizing.
Lady: *amused sound*
-
Conductor: Right, let's start with Lord Of The Dance.
Me: yiisSSS
Lady next to me: You like that one don't you? You do it beautifully. Last practice I almost stopped singing so that I could just listen to you.
Me, a constant affirmation seeker who also has no idea how to respond to actually getting it: *internal windows error noise*
Me: ....wait no don't do that
-
Btw, I have two modes when it comes to singing. Which generally happen almost simultaneously.
Conductor: Alright sopranos, now you.
My possible thought tracks:
whelp, looks like it's our turn to mangle it
we are perfect goddesses watch us soar with the grace of a thousand snowflakes and then bow before our power
-
Conductor: Who's the best male singer here? ....Other than me.
Choir: *laughs*
-
*playing piano during break*
Conductor: Alright everyone, let's start!
Me, who wants to get as far through this piece as possible: *tempo increASES*
-
*After going through the other three sections of the opening to Zadok the Priest*
Conductor: Okay, sopranos from the start
Sopranos: ZAADOOK THA PRIIEEESSTTT
Conductor: STOP STOP STOOPP
Sopranos: *die off thinking we sounded bad*
*fire alarm is going off*
Me: *bursts into laughter*
-
People directing: LEAVE EVERYTHING, JUST HEAD TO THE EXITS, MOVE ALONG
Me, who has had so many unscheduled fire drills at school that I have my priorities and reactions down to a fine art: *grabs ipad, sheet music and phone* HA, no way I am way too attached to my music
-
Me: *sitting on ground in the carpark assembly point area using phone
Someone: You look rather comfortable
Me, extremely used to this exact situation: mmhmm
-
Conductor: Has anyone seen my coffee I lost it during the fire drill?
-
Conductor: Hands up the tenors who would like to join in this bit.
*no one raises hand*
Conductor: Wrong answer tenors. You're all doing it.
-
Conductor, about the wind being noisy: It's like an orgy of recorders.
Me: ......wat did you just say
-
Conductor: Men, clap along with me.
Men: *out of time scattered clapping*
Everyone: *laughing*
Conductor: Well I'm seeing the problem here.
1 note
·
View note