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never loved nobody fully

[one-sided Disko drabble for the prompt "borrowed." rated T. multiple endings.]

(ao3 link)

ending 1: unwanted attraction

“You can borrow me from my wife for an evening, you know.”

Dukat’s flirtatious lilt made Sisko’s flesh crawl.

"What?” he asked incredulously, hoping he’d misunderstood.

“She doesn’t mind,” Dukat insisted. “Cardassians don’t see sex with aliens as infidelity.”

Sisko rolled his eyes. Is that how he’d stayed happily married after coercing so many Bajoran women into his bed? The Cardassian superiority complex made it seem almost plausible…

“Regardless,” Sisko said flatly, “I’m not interested.”

He wasn’t sad to see Dukat pouting as he turned to leave.

But unbidden thoughts of bending Dukat over his desk plagued him all day.

[click Keep Reading to see the alternate ending]

ending 2: not (quite) his type:

“You can borrow me from my wife for an evening, you know.”

Dukat’s flirtatious lilt made Sisko’s flesh crawl.

“What?” he asked incredulously, hoping he’d misunderstood.

“She doesn’t mind,” Dukat insisted. “Cardassians don’t see sex with aliens as infidelity.”

Sisko rolled his eyes. Is that how he’d stayed happily married after coercing so many Bajoran women into his bed? The Cardassian superiority complex made it seem almost plausible…

“Regardless,” Sisko said flatly, “I’m not interested.”

He wasn’t sad to see Dukat pouting as he turned to leave.

He’d have to ask Garak about this Cardassian norm during their next tryst.

#disko #ds9 #star trek ds9 #dukat #benjamin sisko #siskarak #my fic

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The Mole

[Sloan drabble for the prompt "borrowed." Summary: Sloan turns one of Julian Bashir's most trusted allies against him.]

Sloan carefully hollowed out the bead and affixed the probe inside it. The sensors would record and transmit information about the target’s habits and whereabouts back to him. 

Truthfully, he was already intrigued. The case for the target being a Dominion spy was almost too easy to make. No agent would be that obvious. 

Yet, barring him turning out to be an enemy agent, Sloan thought this one even had recruitment potential. 

But that was getting ahead of himself. 

He reattached the stuffed bear’s eye, maintaining its well-worn lopsidedness, then transported it back to exactly where he’d taken it from.

(that's it, that's the fic. ao3 link)

#luther sloan #ds9 #kukalaka #star trek ds9 #my fic

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hello! Not really a question, but I just wanted to say that I loved "going up, going down". I didn't really read the description or the tags, so I just went in blind. Neither had I considered Sisko/Garak before, but it was so well written! I enjoyed it a lot, it was a pleasant surprise. Thank you for writing and adding a new ship to my harbour :D

Omg I can’t believe you went into that fic blind and actually enjoyed it, that’s amazing, I’m so glad it worked out! 😂 Thanks for telling me this, I’m so flattered and I’m always delighted to give people new ships! 😈🥰

Okay, fun fact time. No one has yet pointed it out so either everyone has missed my HILARIOUS dirty joke in the title or it is just so obvious to everyone as to not be worth mentioning lmao, but I named the fic “going up, going down” partially bc of the elevator vibes of that phrase and the fact that the fic takes place in a turbolift, but ALSO - crucially!!! - because the fic involves Garak going down on Sisko. 😂 I hardly ever have such clever titles, so I need y’all to be aware of this rare occurrence hahahaha

#siskarak

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Just posted a new fic: me and the devil walking side by side, a smutty Siskarak ficlet about devotion and corruption and self-recognition, inspired directly by @wanderingwriter87's Siskarak playlist. <3

Happy 26th anniversary, DS9 s6e19 "In the Pale Moonlight"!!!

#siskarak #elim garak #garak #benjamin sisko #ds9 #star trek ds9 #star trek deep space nine #my fic

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siskarak: i would like to hear your thoughts about sisko as a father figure. does garak see him that way? does sisko see himself that way, or is this his escape from responsibility? how does sisko reconcile parts of himself? how does garak view sisko's parenting of jake? do you think one of palandine's kids is garak's, and if so, does his deadbeat-dadness matter in the siskarak dynamic? is there a parallel between tolan's gardening and joseph's restaurant? is there a parallel between mila as tain's servant and sarah as posessed by the prophets?

Oooh, fascinating ask, thank you!

I think Garak does see him a little bit as a father figure, but only in the most fucked up way. That is to say, he lowkey wants to make him his new version of Tain, his spymaster/authority figure/father figure. He’s eager to please Sisko and lowkey wants his approval. He’s willing to kill for him in their common causes. He wants someone powerful to get in good with. I made a post at some point comparing Tain’s line “I never had to order Garak to do anything. That’s what made him special.” to Garak anticipating what Sisko REALLY needed from him in ITPM. But it’s not a one-to-one substitution obvs. The sexual tension is a factor relevant to siskarak but not garak and tain, lol. And Garak doesn’t follow Sisko quite so loyally, he is more aware of where they don’t align ideologically, and I think this is what makes it healthier than Garak idolizing Tain..

I def think Garak is a way for Sisko to escape from responsibility and respectability. Sisko sees himself as a good dad most of the time, and he deserves a little time to occasionally blow off steam and sleep with someone whom it is very much a mistake to sleep with XD

I think Garak doesn’t quite understand Sisko’s parenting of Jake. Like he feels some type of way about it but that emotion is inaccessible to him. Garak thinks the Siskos have a nearly Cardassian familial bond (something garak only knows about through literature and cultural norms rather than experience), although he doesn’t get how Jake can sometimes seemingly disrespect his father’s wishes and then is further baffled that Sisko will not change how he feels about his son as a result. Garak doesn’t have a good model for any of this. So, I guess, maybe, he’s equal parts impressed and baffled by their good relationship.

Okay I don’t really have any ASIT thoughts, sorry… I read it one time 4 years ago and thought it was neat that Andy had written some unhinged Garak stories too, he’s just like us fr, lol, but I don’t really think about it like I think about canon… It’s fine if you want to explore it though!

Thanks again for letting me ramble about some of my headcanons! <3

#siskarak

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Do you think Garak ever gets mad that Sisko is so fashionable out of uniform even tho he doesn't shop at Garak's Clothiers

I snortlaughed at this irl. 😂 Yeah for sure, 100%. It pisses him the fuck off frankly! How dare he look so good without ever coming in for a flattering new suit like Garak so generously offered him in Profit and Loss??? 😡

Garak at least has his measurements though, we know this from away of the Warrior. 😏 So, to take this into account while still also “yes, and”ing your ask, maybe Sisko goes to his shop to try stuff on and get fitted for stuff but then he simply never buys it, lmaoooo

#siskarak #asks

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sdfghfj thank you for answering I love your take on this!! my take on the idea also ends up with Garashir they're almost inevitable lol

Your take about the birth control situation is exactly what I had in mind yeah Garak definitely lies(directly or by omission) about his ability to get pregnant to Sisko ^_^

I was thinking a version where Garak does keep the baby and he got pregnant partly to make Julian jealous but mostly as insurance, like he thinks he will get Federation citizenship or something and having the baby of an esteemed Starfleet captain will make him less expendable in their eyes? a ridiculous unhinged plan that makes zero sense compared to any other method that's why it's crack

And Sisko adores kids and he is a great dad so once he gets around to the idea he will want to raise the baby, but he will be worried because A) Garak(for all the reasons you mentioned) and B) Bajoran public opinion (re:their emissary with a Cardassian baby, they wouldn't exactly be happy I think) anyway through the pregnancy and also once Garak gives birth Sisko is like "I'm not stuck here with you - you are stuck here with me" ('here' being parenting) and between Sisko and Julian's influence, Garak will be dragged kicking and screaming into becoming a good decent? father Maybe Julian offers/agrees to co-parent and pretend the child is from him if they decide it should be a secret, and that's how the Garashir endgame is achieved (only the senior staff will know the truth, and eventually Cassidy (I'm assuming the Siskarak happened before Sisko/Cassidy entered a serious relationship)) Sisko of course is very involved too in raising the baby but he has to lie about it and can't acknowledge the baby as his, which he is upset about but if it keeps the kid safer he will do so (but Sisko has to deal with so much in canon already I feel bad making him deal with this too so idk)

thank you for letting me be insane in your askbox <3 I spent most of the day thinking how to reply and I'm pretty sure I forgot a lot of it by the time I got back to the computer, and sorry if I wrote too much

Omg, this is beautiful! <3

I hadn't even thought about how the optics on the Emissary having a Cardassian baby would be an absolute nightmare, but you're so right, lmaooo. And I love the fake-co-parents-to-lovers thing for Garashir, it's so, mmmm, *chef's kiss*! And Sisko being like "actually, you're stuck here (here=parenting) with me >:)" is soooo perfect too hahahaha! Thank you for your thoughts, these asks have been delightful ^_^

(This is a follow up to this post.)

#siskarak #garashir #your mind

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Please send me asks about siskarak or sisko&garak, I am desperate for excuses to talk about them. Headcanons, meta, theories, questions, crack scenarios, memes that remind you of them, demands for my siskarak wip status and/or demands for teasers from my wips, general excitement… Anything!

#siskarak #paging the siskarak baby trap anon. send me something wild. #in fact ​EVERYONE must talk to me about siskarak immediately. lol

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In your Siskarak fic "you're a criminal as long as you're mine," are we meant to read the title from Sisko's POV or Garak's POV?

Both. >:3 (link to fic.)

It's set during Second Skin, so from Garak's perspective the line is mostly about Sisko extorting him into going on the mission. There's a part of the fic that implies it makes Garak feel like he's a little bit special to Sisko because Sisko is so willing to work outside the rules just to put pressure on him. <3

Garak being Sisko's own personal criminal is more obvious. At this point, he's clandestinely helped Sisko (though sometimes indirectly) via espionage and/or murder, in Past Prologue, Cardassians (well, this one was all pretty aboveboard), Profit and Loss, and now Second Skin. <3 (Later on down the line, well outside the scope of this fic, there's, of course, In the Pale Moonlight, where Garak is very much Sisko's criminal, even if Sisko at that point wants to pretend that's not what's happening.)

I just think it's kind of fun to have set this fic before any of Garak's big betrayals (Improbable Cause/The Die Is Cast, Broken Link, In the Pale Moonlight). Because at this point he kind of is just a silly little guy with a mysterious dark past, to Sisko and the DS9 crew at large. Garak does do some less than savory things but they're not that out of line with what the protagonists might be okay with (spying in order to stop a terrorist/undermine Dukat's power play, killing in self-defense/in defense of political exiles...). So yeah, I wanted to explore that dynamic of like lmao okay sure you're sooo evil and twisted, now come back to bed, but with Siskarak. ^_^

Anyway, the true answer is that I was listening to @wanderingwriter87's Siskarak playlist and trying to come up with titles from the lyrics, and all of Bad Romance by Lady Gaga applies to them, but I felt like this line was most applicable to this particular fic. <3

#siskarak #my fic

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excerpt from my new fic you're a criminal as long as you're mine, a ~4k word E-rated Siskarak one shot, set during Second Skin:

Garak turned and fixed him with his piercing blue gaze. “What am I to you, exactly?” He sounded partly accusatory, but also something else. Curious, maybe?

“Excuse me?”

“Am I just your informant? Your weapon? Your attack dog? Is that all you want from me?”

Sisko scoffed, unimpressed by Garak’s snappiness. “I seem to recall that you wanted to be m—” He started the word ‘my’ but stifled it, not knowing what would come next. Garak wasn’t his anything. “That you wanted to turn over a new leaf and help Bajor and the Federation. You involved yourself in the Duras sisters and Tahna Los incident, just to make that point to me. I’m not in the habit of turning down the help of useful people like yourself.”

“Useful,” he repeated with fire in his eyes and the hint of a crocodilian grin. “Careful, Commander, you’ll make me blush. But you still haven’t answered the question.”

The intensity of his gaze dared him to say something more, something real. Well, it wouldn’t do to inflate his ego any further.

“To me, you’re just a resident of the space station I command.” 

“I see.” He sounded more intrigued and less deflated than Sisko had hoped. “Just one of your loyal subjects,” he said sardonically. “Still, I wonder how many other station residents—other civilians, no less—you would blackmail into going on dangerous away missions,” he challenged.

“Only you, Garak,” he said, laden with his own sarcasm, even though it was true, for the most part.

Garak nodded, seeming almost satisfied by that, and Sisko suddenly wondered if he should have taken him down a peg or two by mentioning the times he’d thrown his influence around to motivate the likes of Quark to do his bidding.

But then Garak derailed his train of thought entirely by sitting down on the edge of the bed and toeing off his shoes. When he swung his legs up onto the mattress, Sisko blinked, bemused, and snapped out of his shock enough to say something. 

“Garak. What are you doing in my bed?”

(read the rest on ao3)

#siskarak #elim garak #benjamin sisko #garak #ds9 #deep space nine #my fic #star trek ds9

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Excerpt from my very unsafe for work Garak/Morn crack fic, speech is silver, silence is golden:

Garak liked him best this way, gagged, muffled, completely unintelligible. Even as starved as Garak was for conversation on Terok Nor—especially now that his fellow Cardassians had gone home after the recent withdrawal from Bajor—he still had some standards and Morn’s incessant chatter did not meet them. He could only tolerate listening to him rattle off his utterly banal opinions for so long before his irritation with him became unmanageable.

And once it all became unmanageable, once the heat of the argument transformed into the fire of need… Well, it usually carried them both here.

#elim garak #garak #morn ds9 #garak x morn #ds9 #star trek ds9 #my fic

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✍️ more fic writer asks!

reblog & your followers can send asks with the questions they’d like you to answer!

the last sentence you wrote

a character whose POV you’re currently exploring

how you feel about your current WIP

a story idea you haven’t written yet

first sentence of the fifth paragraph of an unpublished WIP

the word that appears the most in your current draft (wordcounter.net can tell you)

your preferred writing fonts

if you had to write a sequel to a fic, you’d write one for…

start to finish, how long did it take you to write the last fic you posted?

what is the longest amount of time you’ve let a draft rest before you finished it?

a WIP you’d like to finish someday

a trope you’re really into right now

a fandom you’re thinking about writing for

where do you get your inspiration?

favorite weather for writing

favorite place to write

talk about your writing and editing process

if you keep them, share a deleted sentence or paragraph from a published fic

the most interesting topic you’ve researched for a fic

in what year did you publish your first fic?

when did you publish your most recent fic?

do you ever worry about public reaction to what you’re writing? how do you get past that?

pick three keywords that describe your writing

how do you recharge when you’re not feeling creative?

besides writing, what are your other hobbies?

are you able to write with other people around?

your favorite part of the writing process

your least favorite part of the writing process

how easy is it for you to come up with titles?

share a fic you’re especially proud of

#ask game #more fic writer asks

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^_^ okay so I am sure I'm not the first to think of it but basically:

instead of their conversation getting interrupted, after the "Mr. Garak, I never knew we thought so much alike." "Life is full of surprises, Commander." exchange, they hook up, and only after that we hit unpause on the plot. (Plot~~ Sim!Garak seems to betray them, saves them, dies, Sisko sees Bashir's reaction to Garak dying, the rest of the simulation happens and they wake up in the cave). Now only Sisko (and the founders) knows he slept with Garak and he is going to pretend that never happened, especially because he realizes that Julian has deep feelings for Garak. But Sisko can't help but look at real Garak differently after that, there is probably some awkwardness or tension and Garak notices and tries to figure out the source for that, maybe he ramps up the flirting and Sisko tries to forget even more how good sim!Garak was. (Garashir are probably in the pining idiots stage of the relationship or in a friends with benefits while pining for each other situation). Sisko may try to be supportive to Julian and make sure Garak isn't just playing with Julian's feelings. I am not sure where to go from here, I think Jadzia may also notice Sisko is acting off and try to talk to him about it. There is also the question of how the founders knew to simulate sex with Garak and the options I thought of are 1) Julian's memories 2) your idea about pre-canon on Romulus siskarak 3) changelings already did some hands-on research on ds9 and that included sex with Garak

Another question is if Garak finds out, how would he feel about it? I figured he would be delighted at first, but I'm not sure about his reaction further

Sorry if I rambled too much this ask was shorter in my head 😅

Haha, omg, this is INSANE, thank you for sharing, I LOVE it! ^_^ Especially Sisko seeing Julian holding Garak as he died and feeling extra weird about his hookup with Garak after that. Peak comedy!! <3 (Though it would work well with an angsty tone too haha)

Hmmm, if the simulation's pulling stuff from ALL of their minds then maybe the simulation saw memories of Garak flirting with Sisko in Profit and Loss and just extrapolated from there hehe ("Oh, and if you'd like, stop by the shop one day. I have a number of suits that would look quite flattering on you." - like, we all know what THAT means!!! lol). Or maybe the Dominion just assigned the simulated Garak to be the confidant/honeypot of the simulation, the character meant to draw information out of the actual people and observe their reactions. Maybe they picked him based on his reputation as a spy and/or as a flirt, or maybe it was just at random lolll.

And real!Garak flirting with Sisko to try to find out why he's acting weird post-The Search is great! XD Like, I imagine Sisko is just like. Being extra nice to him or something but in a weird awkward way, bc he feels bad both for mistaking a simulation for the real him and for almost maybe accidentally being a homewrecker and breaking up garashir/preventing them from getting together. But Garak finds his aimless vague niceness disconcerting because he is used to Sisko being clear and firm with what he wants from him and where they stand. So maybe Garak is like hmmm I'm gonna drop innuendos until he either bends me over his desk or tells me what's really going on (win-win). lol

And I think it should end with Garak and Sisko hooking up for real. Like, Garak finally wears Sisko down and gets him to spill the beans about the simulation. He tells him about sleeping with simulated!Garak and also about his observations about Julian's obvious feelings for Garak. And Garak's just standing there with his mouth hanging open because he's shocked to learn that he's desired by either one of them, let alone both of them. Sisko expects Garak to feel used or disgusted, but Garak just steps into his personal space and kisses him with tongue, so grateful to learn he has a chance with Julian... and he's also not uninterested in the fact that Sisko's clearly into him too. And then!!! Well, then he and Sisko fuck, obviously. <3 Just once. <3 Garak initiates this by saying that it's only fair that, since Sisko has been with Garak, Garak should get to be with Sisko. And then afterwards Garak just leaves, armed with a new understanding of Julian's feelings... and Sisko is just left in a daze thinking like, "Man. That was hot but what the fuck WAS that." But luckily a lot of the tension was released between them, in such a way that they can maybe (MAYBE) be normal about each other for a few years. The end! I hope you like my thoughts on how your AU would play out, and thank you for letting me share my vision. XD

As for your followup ask:

wait the thought "what if /no/ garashir" just went through my mind for the first time ever, what if in this au they really are just good friends (with benefits) and Sisko was reading too much into it, maybe something makes Julian try to play matchmaker for them (hopefully the first ask reaches you before this one so there is context)

Okay I gotta admit, I'm such a Garashir=endgame girlie that I'm not really interested in thinking through/brainstorming a true no Garashir scenario, it just doesn't compute for me, sorry (but that of course def doesn't mean you can't explore it!). That said, I can buy something like Garashir not yet realizing/acknowledging their feelings at that point, or them trying to distance themselves from their feelings for each other or thinking it's unrequited. Like, it makes more sense to me if Garashir just hasn't happened yet, than if it actually is just platonic/FWB between Garak and Bashir.

#asks #Anonymous #siskarak

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I got my hands on the search novelization and thought you would like to know that when it seems like simulation garak is betraying them Sisko thinks "I'll peel those scales right off him"🥰

I didn't find much more ship fuel in the novel compared to what we get in the episode but reading it did give me an idea for another siskarak au

(I meant to send you this more than a month ago but didn't, I'm the siskarak baby trap anon, sorry for still being on anon I'm shy and terrified of being a person instead of a vague collection of words in a trenchcoat, also I love your fics)

Omg, wow, THANK YOU for this! I love that... The homoeroticism of (perceived) betrayal... He DEF should try to peel those scales right off him! 😏

Actually, this reminds me, I have a line in one of my siskarak WIPs where Sisko thinks about how chewable (positive) Garak's scales are. XD

Also, please tell meeee about your new siskarak au idea (if you want to).

And no worries about staying on anon, I love and appreciate you nonetheless! <3 Besides, this way everyone following me can, will, and MUST read our unhinged siskarak thoughts, which is clearly beneficial to the whole entire world. ^_^

#asks #Anonymous #siskarak

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Fanfiction first lines game

Rules: List the first line of your last 10 (posted) fics and see if there's a pattern.

Thanks for the tag, @cardassiangoodreads!

sunshine bouquet (Garashir, G, drabble)

Julian collapsed on his couch, arm flung over his face.

not unfaithful, but i'll stray (Kirawinn, T, triple drabble)

When the Prophets spoke to Winn plainly for the first time in her life, she’d felt transcendent.

chirality (Kira/Intendant, E, triple drabble)

The Intendant stood up from the bath, waving away the servants who moved in to wrap her in a towel.

every breath you take (Sloanshir (one-sided) + Garashir, M, 1598 words)

Julian blinked blearily, unimpressed.

going up, going down (Siskarak, E, 923 words)

Sisko’s head fell back against the turbolift wall and his mouth opened in audible pleasure. 

A Professional Interest (Sloanshir + implied Garashir, E, 1834 words)

“What is it this time, Sloan?” his captive groaned upon returning to consciousness. 

Deserted (Garashir, T, 2569 words)

Red lights flashed and consoles blared angry warnings.

touch (Garashir, T, 4769 words)

“Elim will never love you, you know.”

dirty little secret (Siskarak, T, drabble)

Seducing him while they collaborated on the business of luring the Romulans into the war had merely been practical.

expectant (Garashir, M, 465 words)

For all the sex he'd had with Garak, he still didn't know much about Cardassian reproduction.

~

It seems like I like to open with a description of action, like someone doing something, or something dramatic happening. I also def start a fair amount of fics with stuff that attempts to set up the aspects of characterization or character dynamics I'll be exploring. I do start with dialogue sometimes, but not often. (Also, wow, that last one is kind of a banger huh? Well done, me, lmao.)

I tag @sapphosewrites! I also tag uhhhh anyone who wants to do this. (I genuinely can't remember who else likes these kinds of tag games.)

#my fic #garashir #siskarak #sloanshir #kirawinn #kira/intendant

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Made up fic title ask game: "If I had a nickel..."

Oh this is difficult!

It has to be focused on something that happens over and over again (or has already happened over and over again before the start of the fic). Like, Garashir replimat lunches, arguments over books… Oh, maybe Garak quoting from Earth literature to aliens who don’t know what he’s talking about? Because he does that twice in canon, he quotes Shakespeare in The Die is Cast (and name drops that he knows that from Julian) and he quotes Keats in Broken Link. So either focus on those two instances from Tain and Odo POV respectively, or make up a few other instances of Garak referencing Earth books he’s read with Julian to people not in the know who then have to say “huh?” to which Garak will smugly reply “oh it’s just something I read with my dear Doctor, Julian Bashir 🥰💖💕” And maybe it ends with Julian getting wind of all this and confronting Garak about it in order to have the conversation about what they are to each other <3

#ask game #fic title ask game

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For the ask game!-- 'Fox In The Henhouse' + 'Sunset Over Risa'

Yay thanks for these! (These are for the ask game about sending made-up titles and I say what fic I’d write to go with them.)

Fox in the Henhouse - Post-canon Cardassia Garashir, centering on Garak doing power plays and machinations within the PTA at the elementary school that their kids go to. <3 At first Julian doesn’t mind because, whatever, it’s some harmless enrichment for his bored husband. But then things get out of hand at some point.

Sunset Over Risa - Hmmm maybe Garashir phone sex during “Let He Who Is Without Sin…” Like, Julian and Leeta are doing the Bajoran breakup thing where they sleep around, and Julian quickly gets tired of banging these randos because there’s really only one person he wants right now (Garak) and he’s not even here. He video calls Garak to show him the sunset one night just because he thinks it’s beautiful and maybe it reminds him a bit of some outfit he’s seen in Garak’s shop. They end up talking for hours until long after the sun has set. At some point Julian laughs and says he probably should have been out having wild sex since it’s his last night on Risa, but he actually kind of prefers the company he spent the evening with. It’s tantamount to a love confession and it just slips out. Time slows down as Julian waits for Garak to process and respond to this. Then, Garak says he wouldn’t want to deprive him of any of the worldly delights of the pleasure planet during his vacation, so he’d be happy to help Julian get off himself. Phone sex with feelings. And they lived happily ever after. <3

#ask game #fic title ask game