eldic12

[eldic12]

A Fandom Primer for the KinnPorsche BingeWatchers

(no spoilers)

Welcome new fandom members! Here is a primer to bring you up to speed on all the fandom gossip and inside jokes so that you can reach maximum unhinged-ness along with the rest of us. This is just a primer for the tumblr fandom (fuck knows what’s happening on twitter or tiktok) with a sampling of relevant posts and some personal faves – all of this is completely in jest, and as much as possible avoiding any spoilers for the show or book. New members, enjoy this speedrun through 14 weeks of insanity; old members, enjoy the feral nostalgia!

The backstory

This show’s got lore almost as good as the storyline itself. Okay, let’s keep it brief. Filmania picked up the novel by writing-duo Daemi and released an original teaser trailer back in Jan 2021. Some drama went down, whether funding or author disputes or Plague, who knows, but the BL never made it to full production. Then Be On Cloud (BOC) picked it up. They had money and backing (more on this later) and most of the original cast on board and their trailer came out March 2022. Fans mourned ice prince ponytailed coloured-sunglasses Kim from original trailer but in all other regards the BOC version of the show is immaculate.

The backstory…gossip version

Kinnporsche is basically fanfiction inception. The character of Kinn is based off real-life actor/mode/singer/millionaire/general hottie Mile Phakphum…who heard that a BL fanfic version of his life was being made and promptly auditioned for it. And then who should get cast as his love interest Porsche but a hot dude he met ten years ago (and has remembered ever since) called Apo Nattawin. Everything is going swimmingly from Mile’s point of view until Filmania version gets cancelled…and then BOC (who Mile is ✨unspecified✨ associated with) picks it up, and suddenly there’s a whole lot of funding to ensure that Mile and Apo get to act out their mafia love story with a limitless budget. You thinking I’m making this shit up? I am not. Here’s a more detailed and hilarious summary of the whole thing and also just some general fandom shrieking about it.

greatest thread ever thanks to @rythyme​

Okay! That’s the fandom lore out of the way, onto the fun stuff. In no particular order:

The Inside Jokes

Deutschebank is watching

Fudge is the new Fuck. Special thanks to the iqiyi subtitle translators, who refused to let the characters swear. Even when they were swearing in English. Vegas baby, you tried.

“We’re all gonna get shadowbanned to hell” (later replaced with “pretty sure staff must be watching KP too”)

Bread. (No I will not elaborate. This one’s too good to spoil. Just know that bread is a main character in this show)

We’re stealing Tay’s gender

Housekeeping are not paid enough (spoilers for post ep 8)

Classic moments

The holy trinity of Kinnporsche thirst: dick, arse and tiddies

The famous dick twitch, captured and zoomed. Thanks @yeetlegay​ 😘

The peak arse moments. Thanks @moerusai​ 😘

The veritable smorgasbord of tiddies. Thanks Mo (again) 😘

The fandom going feral after the teaser of this beautiful tender moment between Kinn and Porsche…only to later find out that Porsche has got a handful of Kinn’s cock. No innocences remain after the airing of this show.

The fandom losing its mind every single week that we didn’t get the pool scene. It was made so much worse after Apo lied/teased/mocked us by saying it was gonna be in episode 8 and it wasn’t until episode 13. People were frothing at the mouth I tell you.

Which is probably responsible for why the pool scene gave us insane gems like this. Imma be counting the thrusts in every sex scene from now on.

Important moments

There was a pretty big conversation about jumper cable voltage at one point. You’ll know why when you get there. To summarise: no it wouldn’t have killed him if he was ~used to it~. Thanks @lutawolf​ for calling an electrician on behalf of the fandom.

There is a special place in the fandom’s heart for the mafia malewife era.

Mile has a big cock. It’s, er, come up several times. No not like that.

The moment that got us quivering – episode 7 ‘do you see this ring on my finger?!’

The fandom had a collective breakdown over episode 7 in general, but especially the knowledge that the cast watched it live in a cinema in Thailand with a bunch of fans. Please remember this for when you watch the final scene. Live. In a cinema. With other people sitting next to them.

galaxy brain take here from @onstoryladders​

Important fandom alerts

The fandom does not support whitewashing of Apo/Porsche

The fandom does not support Daemi, because of fairly strong evidence that the male half of the pair SH Mile at one point.

However the fandom does extremely support the KP production team, especially P’Pond (Director for the emotional *cough* sex *cough* scenes) and P’Joy (our cinematography goddess)

The fandom strongly recommends watching all the Behind The Scenes clips on youtube. Here’s the first one.

The fandom also strongly recommends developing a mild obsession with the theme song Freefall. Here’s some of the thematic versions for feels.

The fandom does not support any crazy-fan-tinhatting of Mileapo actually being in a relationship. Officially they are just good friends and we will respect that. But damn the boys don’t make it easy on us.

The fandom has discourse, because of course it does. But we try our best to be chill and respectful about other people’s thoughts and faves, even if we disagree. The exception is Tawan. Everyone hates that bitch.

Random jokes

Get along handcuffs

ChanBig ghost ship (that did or didn’t age well, depending on your interpretation)

Product placement. I’ve already mentioned the bread, but none of us will ever forget what they made Mile do with that cheese.

Tankhun is the only bitch in this house that we respect

Arm is the second bitch in this house that we respect

New for ep 14: Ms Erika is the third bitch in this house that we respect

The [redacted] got more of a funeral than [redacted] did

 Personal faves and honourable mentions

Our fandom has a blessing like no other in the form of Nemi/luckydragon10, our fandom archivist. The meta for this show is insanely good and Nemi has collected all the best bits (a labour of love and also just, y’know, labour) here. I 100% recommend giving it a browse.

My personal fave gifset is this one right here, combining my two favourite things after ep.2

Just a lovely lovely video of KinnPorsche kissing (spoilers obvs)

And to round us off, a very special video that everyone should see at once in their lives – Apo doing the splits

Welcome to the fandom <3

[eldic12]

Me knowing I have a ton of unfinished drafts…. #mood https://www.instagram.com/p/CgN-Bc5pL47dfyaJx_Kh-vYNGPrmt3wTnRO82M0/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

#mood

[eldic12]

“A moment. A single moment of true joy is more powerful than a lifetime of sorrow.” - Evelyn “Grams” Ryan (Dawson’s Creek)

#kinnporsche #kinnporsche ep 10 #Porsche HEARTEYES Kittisawasd #this is so soft #they are so soft #3rd pic is pure bliss #must be so nice #no matter what comes their way they will always have this moment #one of my favorite quotes from a tv show #huh i fixed the pic set yay

[eldic12]

KinnPorsche Character Appreciation: Big

The dude truly lived up to his name and in the end he was the bigger person. I really love how they changed the character from the book and somehow kept some aspect, like being Porsche’s biggest bully and his love for Kinn. The writers could have stuck to what was written in the novel but they did not as they have Ken for that, and I truly appreciated that.

It was not explicitly shown in the series that the love he felt towards Kinn was romantic, though we are free to interpret it in any way we want. Maybe he did at one point which is understandable seeing how he must have spent most of his time next to Kinn, attending to all his needs and protecting him. All those hours spent there might be a moment he thought that what he was doing for Kinn was way more than what an ordinary employee should do for his boss. Perhaps there also came a time when he felt jealous during Kinn’s relationship with Tawan which made him so suspicious (only to be proven correct). And maybe felt that same jealousy towards Porsche when he entered Kinn’s life and replacing him as head bodyguard. 

However, with the passage of time, that feeling must have transformed into reverence. Constantly being in the background, he had an exclusive view of what has Kinn gone through as the second son taking on the responsibilities for the major family. He had seen him experienced the good and the bad things that come along with the kind of life they all lead. He must have witnessed Kinn’s struggles and the change in his demeanor after being heartbroken over Tawan. He became protective and kept looking out for Kinn despite his change of assignment (working mostly with Kim). So he must have seen how Kinn changed as well when Porsche came. That’s why I was not surprised of what he said to Porsche (that Kinn love him very much) when he got shot. He took the bullet for somebody who is making the person he respected the most happy. He made the ultimate sacrifice to ensure Kinn would not go back to a shell of a man he once was.

Thank you Big you will be missed.

P.S.

Kim gave him an assignment. Did he ever find out information about Porsche's parents? Did he let Kim know or if he was not able to whose gonna dig those information now?  

#kinnporsche #character appreciation #big #loyal to the end #I was just sad he had to go that way #he loved kinn in his own way #respect is love too #kinnporsche ep 10 #crying buckets of tears for a fictional character

[eldic12]

Under the flame tree - Strangers in Summer (erc)

#poem #words are mine #I’m feeling things tonight #design by canva #I suck at tags

[eldic12]

Quick thoughts on EP8.

Kinn and Porsche has entered the honeymoon phase! Yay! But since it’s Kinn and Porsche, things are bound to happen to put a dent on or even burst their happy bubble. In this case, a certain someone everyone thought to be deceased. The episode flew by quickly (honestly it felt too short the ep was not even 50mins 😔).

Here are the things I love about KinnPorsche EP8:

• The opening scene - so after the event of the previous ep, Kinn and Porsche finally made and did it inside a bedroom. Seeing them waking up in good spirits, in each other’s arms (exchanging morning breaths 🤭) and having a morning cuddle and kiss is so wholesome (okay maybe not because you know IT IS Kinn and Porsche we’re talking about) and endearing. I love how Kinn suggests to announce their relationship with that cheeky smile on his face (and I was not surprised Porsche was the one holding back).

• Porsche seeking love advice - okay it may not be his original intention but he ended up getting one. He is so overwhelmed by happiness and love that he wants to share it with someone other than Kinn of course and that person is Yok. Yok is probably the closest adult/parent figure Porsche has in his life (the uncle does not really count) who he can lean on when things get a little too much. I love their friendship and I love how Porsche can open up to Yok without feeling he would be judged.

• Their date - for a first date, Porsche did an awesome job. Though he was not able to execute all of the things he planned, their first official date was a success. Their happiness is reflected on their faces and their smiles are so bright it was blinding. Mile and Apo once again delivered with the feels because I believed and felt every emotions. The snapping of photos, the hand holding, the stolen kisses, that almost smooch and of course the underwater kiss, were perfect (I know stan twitter is expecting a different kind of pool scene but hey the one we have in EP8 is great as well). I just can’t with these two gahhh!

• Tankhun and the squad - it was one sequence but I really love seeing Tankhun, Arm, Pol, Pete and Porsche together. It’s always fun with them even if they were just hanging out doing a mundane activity like watching a horror movie. Tankhun is over the top, as always, for having his bodyguards wore those make up, all for one, one for all is his mantra hahaha.

• Kinn and Porsche having a conversation - This one is the highlight of the episode for me. They are communicating and words are spoken. They compliment and tease each other. They say I miss you. Yes, TO.EACH.OTHER. Kinn opens up a bit about Tawan and Porsche is able to ask what’s on his mind. He made Kinn say he is over his ex and that the picture he kept was just one of those things - nothing important. I just hope they continue being this way.

Uhm but that preview is not looking so good because Tawan is obviously up to something, darn. Tawan’s timing is so suspicious. Just as Kinn and Porsche are basking in the bliss of their upgraded status, here comes the ex trying to ruin it.

P.S. Kinn is surprised to see Tawan in the flesh. Could it be that he truly believed Tawan actually died when he shot him? Or perhaps he was so distraught by the betrayal he thought he killed him but in truth he just wounded him and somebody powerful (Khun Korn?) wanted to spare him of more pain he was told Tawan is deceased? Or maybe the major family is led to believe his past flame is dead and those who informed (minor family) them are the ones using Tawan now to shake Kinn’s resolve and destroy his new-found happiness? Ahh, I don’t know what to think anymore. Now I really want to know what truly transpired in that moment when Kinn shot Tawan and who were actually there when it happened.

#kinnporsche #ep8 #this ep is fluffy and full of domesticity #kinn and porsche got their 45mins of happiness #only for the supposedly dead ex to re-emerge #it’s 4am in my side of the world #will catch some zzzz then will rewatch the ep

[eldic12]

KinnPorsche Character Appreciation: Khun Korn Theerapanyakul

So I rewatched EP7 of KinnPorsche and I learned something. Khun Korn, the mafia clan patriarch, may not be in the running for Father of the Year (because you know, he IS MAFIA) but he really does his best for his men and most especially his children. . 

He may not be the kind of dad who would shower his kids with warmth and affection. Most of the time he is stoic, though he speaks in a gentle manner, he is very much commanding (it comes with the title, I know). He knows his sons so well and understand them in way only a devoted parent could. Though at the surface the mafia family comes first, deep within and in a casual way, his children are his priority. But as much as he loves his children, I can feel his guilt for raising them in such a dangerous environment and his actions reflect that. Yes, he is not your typical dad, but just like any parent, he wants what is best for his kids (no matter how twisted some people may perceive it).

For Tankhun, his eldest and the supposed heir, he let’s him get away with pretty much anything. Though it is obvious to everyone who is going to take his place, Tankhun is still revered and feared, not only by his men but the rest of the clan as well. As somebody who holds such a fragile position in the kind of life they lead, Tankhun is considered a liability. And those who wants the seat could smell the slightest hint of weakness and would definitely take advantage.

Khun Korn could have locked away Khun in a remote place somewhere very far from their base, but he did not do that. Instead, he surrounds him with bodyguards (though sometimes I think Tankhun is better off without) even if Khun just stays home most of the time. He assigned three security, to always be with Khun inside a house full of bodyguards even if all they do is play and watch TV. He made sure that no one would make fun of Tankhun and as his eldest child, receive the same respect as a member of the major family. That may be part of the guilt he feels towards his son, but he is making up for it as best as he can. (I missed Khun in EP7).

Kim, his youngest, has probably the most freedom. The one allowed to just come and go inside the massive house. Do something he loves which is completely not related to anything mafia. Though that may be the case, he ensures that his trusted people watch over him (though I’m quite not sure about Big). Kim is like his redemption, that one kid he could feel less guilty about because he could have him distanced from the life of the mafia (but Kim is snooping around, for what, I have no idea). So he is okay for Kim to live separately while keeping an eye out for his son. 

As for Kinn, the one he is molding to take over the family someday, he is equally lenient and strict. In their line of work, again a minute flaw is reason enough to shake and question the leadership. Khun Korn knows that Kinn’s preference is being used to put doubts in his ability to lead the major family. I love his acceptance of Kinn for who he is and at the same time teach him how to show the rest it would not be an issue. He trusts Kinn’s judgments, but as the leader, he is there to remind him of his duties. I might be in the minority here, but I love the subtle pressure he puts on Kinn and the manner of which he tells him. When Porsche was drugged, Khun Korn straight up told Kinn he was aware he slept with his bodyguard, he was not angry but Kinn understood he is being admonished. 

Kinn knew he was not being scolded for sleeping with his security, but rather for showing people (their enemies really) that they could get to him through Porsche. The punishment was just a standard procedure since Porsche was really at fault (geez he was on duty, he really should not be drinking, regardless of what was being offered, and I think Porsche got that too when he had the time to think things over. He was just sulky because he never thought Kinn would actually punish him after being intimate and that Kinn was being cold and indifferent. Porsche is sensitive, yes but that sensitivity is tripled because he is in love, but that is for a different post).

That entire conversation about a knife ruined by the apple juice was actually brilliant. It is not about Khun Korn being against Kinn and Porsche’s developing relationship nor it was a hint he would get in their way. I saw that as an encouragement for Kinn to let go of something old and useless. He did say that he wants the “old Kinn” to return and I believe he is pertaining to the Kinn who was not as paranoid as the one right now. I guess before Tawan, Kinn was not as ruthless, maybe just enough as a scion of the ruling family (hmm, perhaps this Tawan not only broke Kinn’s heart and caused his trust issues, this dude perhaps endangered the major family as well). It was Khun Korn’s way of saying you are with somebody better now and to hold on to that one. So what did Kinn do after that conversation? He escaped from the hospital and went to see Porsche. Gave him his lucky gun, engaged in a flirty banter (with that gun reference) and showed his care and support with a forehead kiss (sweet!). 

So yeah, Khun Korn may come off cold and aloof but he cares for his sons like any parent would.

#kinnporsche #ep7 #rewatch #the little things keep me up at night #character appreciation #khunkorn #oopps i got carried away #this was not supposed to be this long #too lazy to put pics #or create a gif set #will probably add pics later #may be doing something like this for another character #who is next?

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Porsche had a soft smile on his face the moment they were alone and when Kinn started leaning in, only to lose it instantly when Kinn (the jealous prick) lashed out on him. Porsche was so confused because he was anticipating some alone time with Kinn after all that has happened. Up until Kinn’s shouting, Porsche was actually looking forward to their reunion. He likes seeing the green-eyed monster Kinn because in way it reassures him he does care.

Porsche senses that Kinn is holding himself back, and after finding that tidbit from Vegas, he has an idea why. So Porsche kind of welcome the thought of Kinn getting jealous but he has no idea of the damage Kinn’s old flame has done. At first he meant to tease, but then realized Kinn was actually mad and Porsche quickly switched to a defensive mode. He lashed out as well and Kinn, blinded by rage, insecurity and jealousy insulted Porsche with words.

And just like before, Kinn’s harsh words have greater effect on Porsche, even more than the physical pain. That slap, I must say is well-deserved. Then Porsche dropped a bomb that doused Kinn’s anger. He just said he loved Kinn and it put some sense into his brain that when Porsche tried to walk away, Kinn embraced and dragged him back (we all know what happened next).

Yes, their relationship right now is toxic but both get off on it. Their first encounter involved violence and two volatile individuals who don’t know how to articulate their feelings very well are bound to get as physical as they could to each other (yeah, I do mean literally like punches and such as well as intimately). If they could have another moment just like the one they had in the wilderness, that would salvage their relationship. They don’t have to be handcuffed to each other (or do they? Hmm). Kinn and Porsche just need to be honest with each other and tell each other how they truly feel.

P.S. I love forehead kisses. Can Kinn and Porsche always have moments like this? Is that too much to ask? I need them to have a healthy and thriving relationship because the world they are in is already messed up (next ep is not gonna be all bliss based on the preview).

#kinnporsche #ep 7 #this is why communication is important #it was an intense episode #mile and apo did not hold back #the last sequence was 🫣 #but yeah they communicate thru their bodies #for now understandable but they need to TALK

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I really love the latest episode of KinnPorsche as it gave viewers more insight into the characters. Kinn was so carefree and even voiced out the thoughts he has probably kept inside his head for who knows how long. I felt it when he said it came across his mind that maybe Khun is just acting crazy just so he could “escape” the responsibility. I get why he doubted a kidnapping from a long time ago could make somebody like his brother, the supposed heir, to lose his sanity and became unhinged. I emphatized with Kinn when he said for a moment that he wanted to not be found because in that particular place and time he’s not bound by the rules and the chaos that come with his mafia life.

I really love that Porsche gets to see a side of Kinn that no one will ever get to see, neither his mafia nor immediate family. Porsche understands Kinn in a much deeper level and I just loved that. He connected to Kinn despite their different circumstances because he knows the value of family. I had this impression that the more Porsche stayed inside the “family” and beside Kinn, he knew just how big Kinn’s responsibilities are. And that Kinn is serious about taking it on. Yes, there are a lot of shady and dangerous things but it’s the life of the mafia. Porsche understands, even if he does not agree most of the times, that Kinn is doing everything for the family. As someone who has to take care of his brother from such a young age because of his parents’ passing, Porsche knows all too well.

That night should not have happened Kinn knows that. He did not offer any excuse but instead apologized with sincerity. He knew he did Porsche wrong (big time) and acknowledged it. He asked for Porsche’s forgiveness and Porsche felt that. When he said everything is alright, he was telling the truth because Porsche actually had the time to mull things over. Him taking the time off and seeing his brother kind of put perspective into some things. Add the fact that Kinn already went out of his way (to Porsche’s house without bodyguards) to say sorry might have contributed to his decision to forgive.

The time they spend in that wilderness helped even more as they actually get to know things from each other. Porsche can bring to the surface everything that Kinn has to suppress (as the heir-apparent) and it was such a delightful thing to see. I love that Kinn has Porsche as someone he can let loose with, a breather from his messed up world. The kiss and the oh-so-tight hug towards the end was so poignant (yes I shed actual tears). I really felt the emotions the characters were feeling at that moment. It was such a beautiful scene.

P.S. I’m not going to talk about how, as a middle child, Kinn should be free from the duties of the eldest and should be going after his dreams not the other way around as in leading his mafia clan, watching his elder brother do things, consequences be damned while his younger sibling come and go as he pleases and also being able to sing his heart out. No, I.AM.NOT.GOING.TO.TALK.ABOUT.THAT.

#kinnporsche #ep6 #thai series #they are my current obssession #am i ready for next ep? #i don’t think so #my ramblings at 1am #and I have work at 9am #wish me luck

[eldic12]

Tumblr — Your Happy Place

May is Mental Health Month, and we want to celebrate the Happy Place you create here on Tumblr. In fact, 90% of you said you spend time on Tumblr better than on other platforms. That’s all thanks to 🥁YOU🥁!: the creators, rebloggers, and community members—everyone who is cultivating inspiration, entertainment, and making Tumblr feel like home each day.

This year, you will find a new weekly theme and writing prompts powered by our partners @dayone-app. We want to get you thinking, journaling, and improving your mental wellbeing.

Let’s kick it off with: ☮️PEACE☮️. With just a pen and paper, a keyboard, or a touchpad, our daily journaling prompts can help you find a place for the noise and buzz that fills your mind each day. It may not seem like much, but journaling has been proven to benefit mental wellbeing and boost your mood. After all, small changes can sometimes make a big difference.

So join the fun this Mental Health Month by utilizing our daily prompts! We would also love you to share your PEACE-themed mood boards using the tag #your happy place, so we can find and share your contributions. We hope you’ll find #your happy place with us—because when wellness is everything, all is well. Peace out ✌✌

[eldic12]

TREASURE Performances That Showcase Their Colorful Live Vocals

I miss #TREASURE performing but with the current situation with the members I want them to prioritize their health first. They did give us fans a lot of contents and performances to ride out the long wait. So thankful we have these stages and more.

#GetWellSoonTREASURE

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#ASAHI #BANG YEDAM #CHOI HYUNSUK #DOYUNG #HARUTO #JIHOON #KIM JUNKYU #MASHIHO #PARK JEONG WOO #SO JUNG HWAN #TREASURE #YOON JAE HYUK #YOSHI #트레저

[eldic12]

K-Pop Concert Look Back: WINNER EVERYWHERE Tour in Manila

Three years ago on this day #WINNER came to Manila to stage their EVERYWHERE Tour. As my very first K-Pop concert, that night is truly memorable. #KPopConcertLookBack #EVERYWHERETOURinMNL #위너

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#2018 WINNER Concert #HOON #JINU #Kang Seung Yoon #Kim Jinwoo #Lee Seung Hoon #MINO #Song Mino #WINNER #WINNER EVERYWHERE TOUR In MANILA #YOON #위너

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Thai Series in Focus: "Bad Buddy" Episode 2 Reveals Another Important Detail About Pat And Pran's Past

Plenty of things happened in this week's episode of #BadBuddy. #แค่เพื่อนครับเพื่อนEP2 #BadBuddySeriesEP2

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#Bad Buddy Series #Love Pattranite Limpatiyakorn #Nanon Korapat Kirdpan #Ohm Pawat Chittsawangdee #แค่เพื่อนครับเพื่อน #แค่เพื่อนครับเพื่อน EP2

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K-Drama in Focus: “Light On Me” Tells An Endearing and Exquisite Tale About First Love, Friendship and Self-Discovery

#LightOnMe is sweet, pure and without over the top teenage angst, easily making it one of the best watch this year. #새빛남고 학생회 #Review

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#BL #Choe Chan Yi #Go Woo Jin #K-Drama #Kang Yoo Seok #Lee Ki Hyun #Lee Sae On #Light on Me #Yang Seo Hyun #새빛남고 학생회 #boys love series #saebit boys' high school council

[eldic12]

Thai Series in Focus: "Bad Buddy Series" First Impressions

Watched the premiere of Bad Buddy Series and it was such a fun an interesting pilot episode. The chemistry between #Ohm and #Nanon is off the charts! #แค่เพื่อนครับเพื่อนEP1 #BadBuddySeriesEP1

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#Bad Buddy Series #Nanon Korapat Kirdpan #Ohm Pawat Chittsawangdee #Premiere #Recap #Thai Series #แค่เพื่อนครับเพื่อน #แค่เพื่อนครับเพื่อน EP1

[eldic12]

Why Color Rush is Amazing

I was doing a comp post of the BLs I believe honestly represent the queer experience (for Pride obvs), and the first one I thought of was Color Rush. 

And then I thought, no, I have to just talk about Color Rush for a while. 

And then I rewatched Color Rush and now… here we are, together, staring down the barrel of yet another super long post from moi.

TA DA! 

I’ve been asked why I love this show so much and usually I direct people to the episode by episode post I did where you can watch me go from “this is cute” to “OH it’s an allegory” to “this is blowing my tiny mind.” But I think it deserves more from me. So, here it is a proper pop critique essay on one of my favorite BLs of all time…

All my love for Color Rush 

BASICS

Who made it? Korea

Where to find it? Viki

Foundational Romance Trope? Fated mates 

Style: High concept, skewed reality, single POV, small cast 

PITCH 

Despite being a typical Korean-BL short run, Color Rush was given more legs than most with a STRONG core concept and 8 episodes of 15 minutes each. Thus Color Rush (with a total run time of c. 2 hours) works better as a movie than a series and manages to satisfy because it utilizes a cinematic approach that strongly relies on manga filming techniques.

It broke ground in many ways:

It neatly avoided the pacing issues of K-BL with a magical realism component that forced intimacy in the first episode.  

It was concept driven, in that it had a strong fantasy component, like Cherry Magic. However, Color Rush used this fantastical as an aspect of visual story telling (Cherry Magic was audio) which allowed it to be less soft, sweet, cute and more tense, sinister, dramatic.

It also used this concept mono/probe to say some really subversive things about the seme/uke dynamic. 

The narrative backbone was an insanely perfect allegory for queer first love and the coming out experience.

It’s this last bit that made me love this show with such fervor. 

Color Rush Subverting Seme/Uke

What I initially thought Color Rush was focusing on was codifying the seme/uke dynamic with an in-universe supernatural component: mono/probe. 

They use mono/probe to highlight the sinister nature of seme/uke by emphasizing the obsession a mono (Yeon Woo) has for his probe but countering that by making the probe character the seme (Yoo Han), and a seme is always obsessed with his uke. 

So Color Rush used subversion to explore yaoi archetypes: naturally obsessive seme versus supernaturally obsessive uke.

When Yoo Han pulls down his mask, it is an aggressive sexual act - yeah, I do mean that kind of exposure - and predatory. But all semes have aggressive predatory instincts (its how they spiral when the drama requires it). Yoo Han wants Yeon Woo to be obsessed with him. He enjoys the power that being a probe gives him. He is literally stunning to Yeon Woo. 

What seme doesn’t want an uke that faints in his arms just from seeing his face? Only Yoo Han can show Yeon Woo a whole new world. That world is color, but that wold is also a relationship, love, sex. 

Throughout the drama, Yoo Han teases Yeon Woo in this highly erotic way using color: the rainbow fan of temptation, the prism and the light, the memorized lists and stories of color’s history Yoo Han is all about the allowance of pleasure, the denial, the boundaries. Color Rush pushed way past standard uke/seme into full on D/s. Along the way saying some interesting things about obsession and addiction.

Cats exist in this liminal space where they are both stupid cute love muffins and threatening alpha predators. I feel like Yoo Han is played exactly the same way. He manages to be a dominating force but also whimsical and yearning, so we get these glimpses and reminders of how young he is. It gives him qualities of etherial godling capriciousness on one side and childish wonder on the other. All from behind a mask.

He’s as caught up in this thing as Yeon Woo, but he also must be in control of it. Or at least pretend to be.

“I wanted to show you a rainbow but it wouldn’t rain.”

Is such a seme thing to say. How annoying of the world not to conform exactly to the way Yoo Han wanted it to be, for the benefit of his mono, of course.

I don’t think it’s an accident of language that Yeon Woo uses the same phrases to describe seeing color that Yoo Han uses to describe seeing Yeon Woo. So it goes also with the nature of desire in this series: Yeon Woo wants the same things from color (to see, to touch, to possess) that Yoo Han wants from Yeon Woo.

Of course then Yeon Woo starts to actually become obsessed and orders Yoo Han around, and a seme can’t have that! Must CONTROL the situation. So Yoo Han barters for what he wants, time to woo Yeon Woo. Sinister, but then of course by the laws of yaoi and of this universe the only way it’s going to work is if the two characters become equally obsessed with each other. It’s the you are my destiny AKA fated mates trope in an urban fantasy BL form.

And so I thought Color Rush was being terribly clever with yaoi archetypes and romance tropes. Cute and smart and fun. 

That’s what I thought at first. 

And it was, but it turned out Color Rush was going deeper than that. 

Color Rush as an Allegory for Queer Awakening

Color Rush is also a narrative of discovering queer identity and self-acceptance, packaged in this clever little magical contrivance: the color rush. 

Yeon Woo is trapped in a grey world which is an allegory for the sexually/romantically unawakened innocent. The color rush experience therefore represents both sexual awakening and the epiphany of queerness. 

(Rainbow sparkles, anyone?)

The lore of the world is that monos have a history of kidnapping and hurting their probes, because they become obsessed with the only person who allows them to see color. Yeon Woo is terrified of this, terrified of becoming the monster. He is gay/mono growing up in a culture/family/religion that vilifies gays/monos. As a direct result, this boy is terrified of being gay/mono because it is associated with monstrosity. (I’m gonna stop with the gay/mono slash thing. They are basically interchangeable.) 

“Love makes monsters of us all.” 

We’ll come back around to Yeon Woo in a moment. 

Yoo Han  

As the confident (seeming) probe Yoo Han represents out gay - comfortable in his own skin, flirtatious and very intersted in Yeon Woo. He is a threat under these circumstances, because he has what Yeon Woo wants, he is what Yeon Woo wants, but he also is what Yeon Woo wants to be. He is the world of color, he is the monster. 

The scene where Yoo Han has Yeon Woo caged and is explaining colors to him by whispering in his ear (still masked) while petting his hand is possibly one of the sexiest things to happen in BL since Pharm feed Dean at the swimming pool. It has the same tension and the same interweaving of plot and action. 

It is an act of seduction, but of identity seduction. 

Yoo Han is temping Yeon Woo to cross into being queer. To accept color into his life is to accept himself. 

Initially, Yoo Han capitalizes on this sinister sexy seme dynamic partly because of his mask. It isn’t until much later that we realize the mask is an outward manifestation of Yoo Han’s own struggles with identity, his face blindness. Essentially, the mask is Yoo Han’s visual representation of his own challenges with self acceptance and society. AKA A different kind of coming out experience, but no less a queer allegory. 

Yeon Woo’s realization of this (in the hotel room after Yoo Han confesses) is his cornerstone to empathy and eventually self-forgiveness and understanding. We are both monsters, we are both unique, we both struggle, and we both love. 

Yeon Woo needs to understand that while Yoo Han seems to be in control and have the power in the equation, he is just as caught up as Yeon Woo. They can be monsters together. 

For a first timer Heo Hyun Jun (AKA Hwall from The Boyz) as Yoo Han did a great job with a difficult role. Masked he had to do most of his emoting via body language and eye movement, and I think it really helped that he’s a trained dancer. 

Yoo Han’s character fit the brief too. The type of arrogant pretty-boy who wants to be a K-pop idol by his very nature wants to be something special. In being Yeon Woo’s probe, Yoo Han gets to be the most special thing in the whole universe to one person. And it’s a boy he already likes. Isn’t that what every seme secretly wants in the end? To be the most special and important person in their uke’s universe. Isn’t that what the whole dynamic is about?

Of course we learn later that this is because Yeon Woo is actually unique to Yoo Han. His is the only face Yoo Han can recognize in a sea of strangers. For Yeon Woo, this discovery represents that moment of being queer and realizing that your crush is queer too, that there are others out there in the world. Not just that love can be reciprocated, but that your kind of love (that is hated by others) can be reciprocated. 

Color Rush is exploring the idea that to be so transported by another person is to want to dwell in their skin, see what they see, drift on the sensations only they can provide. It’s highlighting the unmoored nature of new passion. 

“I want to be with him, but also, in a strange way, I want to be him.” 

This is particularly common to the queer experience. 

Which brings us to Yeon Woo. 

Yeon Woo  

The narrative is told from Yeon Woo’s POV, which is normal for yaoi stories. They usually focus on the uke’s POV. I talked about Yoo Han first because Yeon Woo is realizing who he really is (gay), because of Yoo Han. As happens to many of us queers, it is the act of sexual and/or emotional awakening inspired by meeting another person that makes us realized who we want, and by extension who we are. Our crush is also our first “oh no, what am I?” 

What Color Rush does that I have never seen in BL before (and rarely in any other queer narratives) is put Yeon Woo through the 5 stages of grief that result from this queer awakening (in 5 episodes). That grief centers around Yeon Woo finding his probe and loosing greyscale (and mourning the safe quiet world of his past self). But it is a perfect queer first-love allegory as well.

first Yeon Woo tries to deny his probe

then he gets angry at Yoo Han for not avoiding him

then they bargain

then there is depression 

and finally acceptance

Incidentally, if you’re queer you often go through grief stages as part of your first love/sexual awakening, especially if you live in a non-accepting culture or family. Unacknowledged, that grief is often the reason youngsters get angry and forceful about their queerness: 

Why don’t we get to experience first love without simultaneously mourning other peoples expectations of us?

Why should we have to grieve an identity (straight) that the word forced on us? 

When Yeon Woo grieves for his mother, he is also grieving his inability to share the experience of losing his greyscale identity. He is mourning the only other person in his world who could fully understand what he is going through.

From a queer perspective, could I just highlight that is is why found family and queer friendships are so important? Because we all need someone to talk with who has been through a similar experience. And when you are queer and suffering through love and/or sex for the first time, you need someone outside of the new relationship to talk it over with.

First love and queer self discovery are kinds of madness, like the color rush, euphoric and transporting. What form his madness takes rests on Yeon Woo directing it outwards or inwards. It’s inwards for his character (self harm) even as the narrative implies mono’s direct their madness outwards (murder) but that is, as ever, society’s warped expectations. (Like the perpetuated misconception that gay = pedophile.) 

The post attempted suicide scene is so sad because we realize why Yeon Woo’s aunt was trying so desperately to separate them. Not because she thought it was wrong, but because she knew Yeon Woo’s personality so well she understood what he would do to stop himself from hurting his probe. To stop himself from becoming a monster. (AKA To stop himself from being gay.) 

“The colors of my world are also the colors of his world.”

Color Rush is exploring how first love and sexual awakening shifts not only your perceptions of yourself, but also your feelings about the world around you and what it expects of you. 

Yeon Woo hurts because he cannot cope with what he is being told he will become, evil, simply because of how he was born, mono.

Sound familiar? 

Simultaneously the narrative taps into to the idea that reconciliation between the unawakened before-identity (greyscale), and the now-person you’re becoming (colorful) requires empathy for yourself. Yeon Woo has to forgive himself for his desire, but he also forgive Yoo Han for awakening that desire in him, and for forcing him to confront his own identity. An identity that is in part formed by wanting Yoo Han.  

IT’S SO GOOD. 

It’s about Yeon Woo’s struggle to accept what mono means to him as an identity, contrasted to what mono means when he is with Yoo Han versus when he is alone, contrasted to what the world expects of him as representative of mono. (Seriously, just substitute the word gay for mono…)

Yeon Woo’s character arc is towards a realization that he and his probe are not so different. It’s the first step towards understanding that his desire (what he wants to do to Yoo Han) has been rendered corrupt by societal expectations. He has to learn that it is what he and Yoo Han can be together that is important.

Yoo Han, on the other hand, is open to the world and to being in love, possibly too open to it, because he has never been limited by expectations, but he still makes the effort to understand Yeon Woo and the prison the world has put him in. The judgment Yeon Woo has labored under for being a mono is so much like the judgement for being gay in a homophobic society. Hence the symbolism of Yoo Han breaking Yeon Woo out of the mental institution (I mean COME ON, gay conversion therapy anyone?).

The obvious solution is for them to become equally obsessed with each other, and we see this as Yoo Han reminds Yeon Woo of the risks he is willing to take, sacrifices he’s willing to make, and that he is falling in love too. It’s empathy, but it’s not enough. It’s not until Yoo Han explains his face blindness, proves that Yeon Woo is literally the only person he can see, that Yeon Woo moves beyond mutual obsession into mutual love. 

The very act of loving another turns that person glorious and unique. And isn’t that what’s best about love? 

Yeon Woo got to accept and realize that he was something special to Yoo Han. That they each correct a flaw in the other (or what the world sees as a flaw). A much gentler message then mutual obsession, but also an explanation for a lessening of that obsession.

At root, obsession is based on fear of loss and lack of trust. When Yoo Han tells Yeon Woo that his is the only face that he can really see (and only when they are together), Yeon Woo finally understands that he is as necessary to Yoo Han as Yoo Han is to him. They are each other’s one-of-a-kind - soulmates.

In the end, Color Rush was a picture perfect execution of the fated mates romance trope but just crazy queer about it.

Even after his realization and willingness to trust, Yeon Woo has questions, but I liked that. It’s the butterflies of new love. Not being able to predict the other person. Yeon Woo’s questions are about discovery, and yes, still about doubt and fear, but at least they indicate his openness to Yoo Han and willingness to try.

“Am I obsessed with you because you’re my probe or am I obsessed with my probe because it’s you? Does my world truly change when our eyes meet or am I just being dragged into yours?”

and then later

“I hate being confused.”

Again these are the manifestations of queer awakening that we all ask ourselves. It’s that first wave of joyful discomfort that same sex attraction almost always forces upon us.

Am I actually gay or is it just this one person?

Do I change the way I think about myself and others because I have met you?

Is it you or your easy acceptance of your own identity that attracts me? 

Do I admire you or do I want to be you or do I want to sleep with you - or is it all in the end the same thing?

Where is the line drawn between who I am and who I love?

And if we cannot exist without connection to others, that connection must form part of our identity. How then does passion incorporate what is special?

And the ending! Back in school, together, rooftop assignation trope immanent, like they’ve returned to not just normal life but to the normal BL path. The show resolved both the seme/uke mono/probe conversation it was having with us, and it’s allegory for queer awakening. 

For me Color Rush was pitch perfect. I feel both honored and humbled to have gotten to experience such a multi-faceted gem.

[eldic12]

#BKPP is back with the highly anticipated sequel to #ITSAY.

#IPromisedYoutheMoon (EP1) is aesthetically pleasing and emotionally stirring as its predecessor.

#แปลรักฉันด้วยใจเธอPart2

#Episode1Review

https://purplepandamusings.com/tv-series/thai-series/i-promised-you-the-moon-first-impressions/