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What You Want Vs. What You Need In A Relationship, Based On Your Myers-Briggs Personality Type

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What You Want Vs. What You Need In A Relationship, Based On Your Myers-Briggs Personality Type

ENFP

What you want: Someone completely unpredictable and mysterious- who makes you feel like they’ll never really let you inside their head. Someone who keeps parts of themselves hidden and guarded so that when you are the one to discover them, you feel validated. Someone who makes themselves a challenge.

What you need: Someone who is spontaneous without being completely erratic. Someone who is supportive of your newest idea and will help you find ways to achieve it. Someone who lets you run wild with all your thoughts and dreams, but reminds you to check in with reality every once in awhile.

ENTP

What you want: Someone who is endlessly patient so that you can test their limits. Someone who has an innocence to them that you’re intrigued by, and want to crack. Someone who is willing to run themselves ragged trying to keep up with you and all your adventurous ideas.

What you need: Someone who can’t be pushed by your tactics. Someone who is just as intellectually stimulating as you are, but who won’t stand for your games. Someone who is open-minded and ready to take on the world, not be dragged behind you as you try to do the same.

INFP

What you want: Someone who matches the ideal romance you’ve envisioned in your mind. Someone who seems like they are holding onto a secret that you so desperately want to uncover. Someone who makes every single day feel like a fairytale.

What you need: Someone who pushes you to think outside of your comfort zone. Someone who is actually put together and is more than willing to let you have your moments with your head in the clouds, but who also reminds you to come back to Earth every once in a while. Someone who may not make life seem like a romantic comedy, but shows you how awesome life can be anyway, with all its mess and mistakes.

INTP

What you want: Someone who relentlessly pursues you. Someone who manages to put in all of the effort so that you don’t have to. Someone who makes it a little too easy to stay aloof and in your own world.

What you need: Someone who actually makes you want to put in effort. Someone who makes the idea of spending time with them seem more appealing than spending all of it by yourself. Someone who matches your level of intellect yet pushes you outside of your comfort zone every now and again.

ESFJ

What you want: Someone who allows you to “save” them. Someone who makes you feel constantly needed and valuable. Someone who doesn’t mind letting you organize their life and circumstances- because what better way to show you care than to do everything for them?

What you need: Someone who doesn’t need you, but honestly wants you. Someone who is also put together in their goals and dreams, but takes your hand and asks you to come along for the ride. Someone who reminds you to take care of yourself too.

ISFJ

What you want: Someone who lets you idealize the relationship the moment you step foot into it. Someone who screams of so much potential that you can’t help but plan out your futures immediately. Someone who doesn’t exactly want to settle down or commit- but you want to be the one that changes their mind.

What you need: Someone who provides a balance for you. Someone who isn’t afraid to commit to you, even if they’re nervous about the idea of commitment. Someone who makes you feel like you’re both invested and both on the same page about things.

ESTJ

What you want: Someone who is compliant with the things you want. Someone who doesn’t argue with you, and allows you to be the final word in the argument. Someone who allows you to always take the lead and never questions it.

What you need: Someone who isn’t afraid to dispute something you’ve said if it goes against their ideas or boundaries. Someone who is willing to support and care about your ambitions without letting you steamroll them. Someone who isn’t afraid to try and access that soft side of you that we all know exists and bring it out.

ISTJ

What you want: Someone who everyone wants, but no one has been able to get. Someone who everyone in your life approves of and is socially acceptable to pretty much anyone they meet. Someone who finds themselves leaning on you because they are a bit scattered, and you’re the only who holds them together.

What you need: Someone who appreciates your stability, but doesn’t require it to function. Someone who pulls you out of your shell and causes you to experience life, while also understanding and appreciating your traditions and routines. Someone who makes you feel as if you can open yourself up to them without compromising who you are.

ENFJ

What you want: Someone who allows you to constantly put in the effort, because you enjoy pouring yourself into people without requiring much in return. Someone who lets you take care of them. Someone who lets you be their superhero.

What you need: Someone who isn’t afraid to put in just as much effort as you do. Someone who is willing to open up to you without you have to pry it out of them. Someone who doesn’t allow you to keep the whole weight of the world on your shoulders while allowing you to shine in the areas you are best at.

INFJ

What you want: Someone who claims to need you to figure out who they are. Someone who constantly feels distant so that you don’t get too attached- because no one can hurt you if you aren’t too invested. Someone who stirs up all of those intense emotions you are constantly processing every day of your life.

What you need: Someone who is your best friend. Someone who knows what it means to stay, even when things get messy or difficult. Someone who has seen all of your faults and cracks and still want to stand by your side at the end of it all.

ESTP

What you want: Someone who immediately devotes all their attention to you within seconds of meeting you. Someone who swoons over you when you pull stunts or try to show off. Someone who is consistently stroking your ego without you even having to try.

What you need: Someone who isn’t afraid to call you out on your erratic behavior. Someone who challenges you and implores what the underlying motive is for why you do what you do. Someone who isn’t afraid to see all the dark parts of your personality, and sticks around anyways. Someone who lets you run wild, but desires to be your safe place to come home to at the end of the day.

ISTP

What you want: Someone who wants the same things you do- meaning something casual and easy to detach from. Someone who doesn’t smother you or try to be something more. Someone who is already in your circle of people and easy to connect with.

What you need: Someone who isn’t afraid to express themselves and their feelings to you, even at the risk of it overwhelming you initially. Someone who isn’t afraid to be honest and upfront about who they are- and causes you to actually want to know exactly who that is. Someone who knows when to give you your space- but who also knows when to give you love and devotion in the right amounts.

ESFP

What you want: Anyone who you have even the slightest attraction to. Someone who is face paced and is quick to jump from scene to scene, avoiding boredom at all costs. Someone who excites you and makes you feel something intense every minute of every day.

What you need: Someone who is patient enough to stick around when things get hard. Someone who is able to show you that being stable doesn’t mean being boring. Someone who makes you want to set aside all of the options your constantly shuffling through for even a little while.

ISFP

What you want: Someone who gives you space. Like, a lot of space, so much so that it could be debated on whether you’re actually in a relationship at all. Someone who is perfectly fine letting you remain distant.

What you need: Someone who manages to break down the walls you’ve so meticulously put up. Someone who isn’t frustrated with you being passive, because they know how your mind works and the kind of person you are. Someone who supports your artistic side and is ready to stand by your side as you pursue them, while also putting you at ease about letting your guard down.

ENTJ

What you want: Someone who is incredibly goal-oriented and matches you stride for stride. Someone who is just as assertive and sure of themselves as you are, because as far your concerned, no one will match up with you better than someone just like you

What you need: Someone who is modest, but still confident in their ideas and accomplishments. Someone who isn’t afraid to challenge you and the way you think. Someone who isn’t intimidated by you, but allows your dominance to encourage them in their own pursuits while causing you to want to be an even better version of yourself than you thought possible.

INTJ

What you want: Someone who argues with you. Someone you have a hard time figuring out because you don’t want to be bored or stagnant. Someone who lets you analyze them to a fault while you remain intensely guarded.

What you need: Someone who causes you to set aside logic for a moment and go with your feelings. Someone who is searching to better themselves and chase their goals, while encouraging you to do the same. Someone who isn’t afraid of breaking down your walls and helping you unlock parts of yourself you never even realized existed.

#Happiness

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foursprouthappiness-blog · 6 years

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I Am Actually Living Carrie Bradshaw’s Life – But Here’s What’s Different

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I Am Actually Living Carrie Bradshaw’s Life – But Here’s What’s Different

Author’s own image. @selfcarewarrior

One of the most common complaints I see about Sex and the City is how “unrealistic” it is. And certainly, there are many unrealistic and problematic facets of the show. But the truth is, in 2016, I began living a life that was very similar to Carrie Bradshaw’s – kind of. I am a twenty-something writer who lives alone in Manhattan, in a dream apartment with a doorman and even an (albeit far smaller than Carrie’s!) walk-in closet. I went through a lot of adversity to get to where I am today. But unlike Carrie, I left my Mr. Big for good.

I’ve never had a delightfully salacious banner on a bus, but my income comes from my words alone – a combination of my books and articles. I am a self-made woman in that I don’t rely on anyone other than myself for the money I need to live on my own and enjoy my life in New York. And while I am not technically a “sex columnist,” I do write about dating, relationships, sex (occasionally) and of course, the topic I am most passionate about speaking about because it affects millions of people around the world – narcissistic abuse.

Image of author.

Of course, there are huge differences between Carrie Bradshaw and me (aside from the fact that she owns more glamorous shoes). First of all, I am a woman of color, so I’ve had to navigate structural inequalities and the adversity that comes with those of my whole life, including racialized bullying at a very young age.

I’ve had to endure feeling invisible and diminished, yet far too visible to predators. I’ve grown up in some pretty tough neighborhoods. I’ve experienced numerous terrors and unbelievable cruelty, some of which I still haven’t discussed in my written work.

From Adversity to Triumph

The life I lead now and the environment around me now looks very different from the way my life was in the past. I channeled all I went through into my writing and into a larger mission to help those who have experienced what I have. There’s a lot more peace, freedom, abundance and safety to the life I’ve created for myself after these trials and tribulations. Once I became financially independent and began following my dreams, I was able to escape some pretty dangerous and damaging environments – and found myself in unbelievably amazing ones.

Leave Your Mr. Big and Pursue Your Dreams

Author on the steps of Carrie Bradshaw’s apartment from Sex and the City in the West Village.

Like Carrie, I’ve had my share of emotionally unavailable men and even a few narcissistic ones. I’ve also had my share of adventurous dates and epic romances, as well as some terrifying ordeals. And…a few “Mr. Bigs.”

And so, here’s the thing about Mr. Big. (Fun fact: I actually have met Chris Noth, the actor who played Mr. Big, at a local Starbucks and asked him to autograph my copy of Dante’s Inferno because I didn’t have anything else for him to autograph. He told me Purgatory was better.)

See, Carrie stayed with her Mr. Big. I left all of mine.

So instead of the tumultuous fairytale romance that eventually ended happily in marriage (or so it seems), I chose to create my own happy ending. I chose solitude over a toxic relationship.

Once I freed myself from the shackles of partners who tried to deter me from following my dreams and becoming all that I could be, I opened myself up to a new life of infinite possibilities.

View from author’s rooftop. @selfcarewarrior

Now I get to wake up, go to the rooftop of my building and enjoy the beautiful city views – a city I went to school in but never imagined living in the heart of. Now I get to sit in my resident’s lounge by the pool and write, with no one (at least in real life) trying to diminish my dreams. I can dance around my apartment whenever I want and bask in the beautiful lights in my courtyard. I can attend a yoga class in my building’s gym while watching the sun set, or jog on the treadmill while looking at skyscrapers in the distance. I can go out with girlfriends or enjoy a night in – without having to answer to anyone.

On the steps of Columbia University.

Like Carrie, I can walk around Manhattan in uncomfortable but gorgeous heels – or, more realistically, some cozy flats. I can enjoy being alone and not having to depend on anyone else.

I am beyond grateful for the luxury and joy that I am able to experience now – especially after going through a lifetime’s worth of turmoil and pain. It took me a long time to even dare to take up space or to feel like I was important or that my voice mattered.

But now I know I am worthy of all that life has to offer. And so are you, reader, however browbeaten, bullied, or torn down you might feel right now. You are absolutely deserving of chasing your dreams and having them come to life, no matter what you’ve gone through.

No matter who tried to make you feel invisible or made you feel not good enough, you are more than enough and you are so valuable. There is a beautiful life after adversity and trauma. There are miracles awaiting you, wherever you are now, and whoever you are. Whether you want to be a writer or a singer or a professional chef or a kickass mama. Know that everything and anything is possible. Know that you are capable of creating whatever it is your soul longs for and desires.

If you’re in a toxic relationship right now, just know that there is a better life possible for you. You are worthy of the happiness that life has to offer. You will be okay by yourself. In fact, who knows what you can accomplish when there’s no one stopping you?

There is an even bigger (pun intended), beautiful life ahead of you after your own Mr. Big. So don’t be afraid to take the leap, to take the risk of paving your own path back to freedom. Don’t be afraid of doing it alone (or with some fabulous girlfriends) either. In the words of the famous sex columnist herself, “The most exciting, challenging, and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself.”

#Happiness

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foursprouthappiness-blog · 6 years

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“We had a Native American museum today in third grade and the whole school came. I’ve been looking forward to it ever since second grade when I learned that third graders get to make dioramas. The museum was open from 10:15 to 10:45 or something like that. There was a cooking section where we gave out pumpkin bread. Then there was a tools and artifacts section. My table was in the games section. I put my snow snake on display. Snow snake is a very fun game in my opinion, but only four people came to my table. They said: ‘What is that?’ And I said: ‘It’s a snow snake. You can read about it on my poster.’ Then they looked at my poster for two seconds and went to get some pumpkin bread."

#bestquotes #happiness #life #motivation #motivationalquotes #quote #selfdevelopment #selfhelp #selfimprovement #IG Happiness

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foursprouthappiness-blog · 6 years

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Read This If You Are Bored Out Of Your Mind On May 30

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Read This If You Are Bored Out Of Your Mind On May 30

Unsplash / Ryan Jacobson

Maybe all of your friends are too busy to see you. Maybe you feel like there is nothing good left to watch on Netflix. Maybe you wish you could fast forward the clock until it’s time for you to fall asleep again because you have nothing better to do than daydream.

It might feel like the day is dragging on and there is nothing left for you to accomplish before bedtime, but you are wrong. There is always something else to accomplish.

Stop complaining about being bored because there are a million ways you could spend your time. You could get a head start on your to-do list for tomorrow. You could send out job applications. You could rearrange your wardrobe. You could learn how to cook your favorite meal. You could drive down to the water and admire the ocean.

Even if you don’t feel like getting dressed, even if you don’t feel like moving, you should force yourself out of your comfort zone anyway. Do not waste today because once you waste one day, it’s easy to waste the next day and the next. You don’t want to become overly comfortable in your routine. You don’t want to settle for an average life when you could reach for something greater.

Your life should consist of more than waking up, going to work or school, and then falling asleep again. You should have meaningful moments sprinkled in throughout the day. You shouldn’t feel like you are sleepwalking through the week.

That is why today, on May 30, you should make sure you do something productive. Something that will make you feel proud when you fall asleep at night because you know you didn’t misuse your day.

Exercise for an hour. Answer the emails you have been ignoring. Vacuum the floor that has been dirty for weeks. Do something, anything, that will give you a sense of accomplishment. Make yourself proud.

You cannot keep waiting until tomorrow to follow your dreams. The big things take time to accomplish. They aren’t going to happen overnight. It can take years of effort to get where you are intending to go. If you keep putting off tasks until next week or next year, then you are never going to reach your goals.

You are allowed to lounge on the couch during the weekend. You are allowed to unwind with a glass of wine. You are allowed to give yourself a break when you are overstressed — but you should never forget the importance of hard work.

It sucks to force yourself to act productive when all you want to do is relax after a long day, but too much play is as unhealthy as too much work. Dedicate at least a few minutes per night toward pursuing your goals.

If you love yourself, if you care about your own happiness, then you will put effort into your passions. You will chase after your dreams. You will stop procrastinating. You will get shit done today.

#Happiness

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foursprouthappiness-blog · 6 years

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The Lesson You Were Supposed To Learn This Year, Based On Your May Birthday

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The Lesson You Were Supposed To Learn This Year, Based On Your May Birthday

Unsplash / Timo Stern

May 1: It’s better to have embarrassing stories to tell at parties than regrets about how you never took risks that you replay in your head alone at night.

May 2: Leaving a job or walking away from a relationship does not mean you are a quitter. It means you are perceptive enough to recognize endings when they arrive.

May 3: You are not going to suddenly start loving yourself once someone else falls in love with you. Self-love is a tricky thing that is impacted by your self-worth, not by your relationship status.

May 4: It is okay to stay single, even if everyone around you is already taken. It is better to be alone than in a relationship where you feel like an outsider.

May 5: One failure does not mean you are meant to give up. It means you are meant to find a new approach.

May 6: If you feel like you are falling behind, that is because you are comparing yourself to others. But the only person you should be in competition with is the you of yesterday.

May 7: You cannot remain in a bad relationship because you have history or because you feel like you owe them something. You are not obligated to spend one more minute with them.

May 8: Leaving your comfort zone will feel uncomfortable at first, but it is necessary if you want to inch forward. You have to risk in order to reach a reward.

May 9: Second chances are not always deserved. Sometimes you have to cut others out of your world, even if you feel guilty about leaving them behind.

May 10: Waiting for the right time is a procrastinator’s bullshit excuse. The right time is now.

May 11: You are allowed to stick up for yourself when someone walks over you. You are allowed to start uncomfortable conversations.

May 12: You are not going to be good at everything and you cannot fault yourself for that. Stop being so hard on yourself because your self-loathing is dangerous.

May 13: Nothing lasts forever. You are going to lose people you care about, but you are also going to learn to live without them.

May 14: Regretting the past is a complete waste of your time. You cannot change what already happened, but you can control how you move forward in the future.

May 15: Money will make you more comfortable, but it will not make you happier. You have to find that happiness within yourself and that could take a lifetime.

May 16: Instagram likes are only going to make you feel good for a short period of time. The high doesn’t last long.

May 17: Apologies do not always have to be accepted. Sometimes you are better off closing the door behind you than leaving it cracked for reentrance.

May 18: Change can suck, but sometimes it is unavoidable. You have to learn how to deal with it as best as you can, because moping will only make the situation worse.

May 19: Even once you find your forever person, the relationship is never going to be perfect. The ‘relationship goals’ you see online are unrealistic because real love is messy.

May 20: All of your worrying has been pointless. No one cares about what you are doing as much as you assume they do.

May 21: Some days you are going to love yourself and some days you are going to hate yourself. Self-love is a never-ending work in progress.

May 22: It’s cute that you put other people before yourself, but it’s unhealthy. You deserve attention, too.

May 23: Sometimes, you are going to love someone more than they love you. You have to let them go instead of fighting to change their mind because that is a battle you cannot win.

May 24: Nothing is going to get handed to you just because you want it badly. You have to work your ass off if you expect to see results.

May 25: You are allowed to outgrow people and places. You are allowed to decide the things that used to mean the most to you no longer fit into your world.

May 26: It doesn’t matter how much love you give a certain someone or how much you do for them. An asshole will always remain an asshole.

May 27: Some people would rather watch you fail than see you succeed. Their jealousy will make it impossible to sustain friendships with them.

May 28: Almost relationships are not enough. You are not destined to be someone’s backup plan.

May 29: Your honesty is not always going to be appreciated. Sometimes your authenticity will rub people the wrong way.

May 30: Your pessimism and proclivity to jump to the worst case scenario has been holding you back. It has been stopping you from reaching your full potential.

May 31: It’s scary to take a risk when there’s a possibility of failure, but it’s even scarier to risk staying in the same place your entire life because you never took a chance.

#Happiness

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foursprouthappiness-blog · 6 years

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The Best Relationship Of Your Life Will Be With Someone Born In Spring

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The Best Relationship Of Your Life Will Be With Someone Born In Spring

God & Man

The best relationship of your life will be with someone born in spring because they are excessively positive. They see the bright side of every situation. They do not let one bad day bring them down. They are able to pull themselves back up whenever they collapse — and they will be happy to help you when you are in need. They might not be able to erase your pain the way they wish they could, but they will at least find temporary ways to put a smile onto your face again. They will be the reason you laugh when you feel like crying. They will convince you to look forward to tomorrow instead of dreading what waits ahead.

The best relationship of your life will be with someone born in spring because they are natural born leaders. They are confident when it comes to making decisions. They know what they want from this world and never hold back from speaking their minds. They are courageous. They are authentic. They will never send mixed signals because they would rather be blunt with you and they will never expect you to plan the dates because they will take initiative themselves. They will always put effort into your relationship because making you do all the work isn’t even an option in their minds.

The best relationship of your life will be with someone born in spring because they are creative. They are imaginative. They think outside of the box. They will weave fascinating stories and ask deep questions. They will tell jokes that seemingly come out of nowhere and make you collapse with laughter. When your birthday rolls around, they are going to impress you with the most unique gifts you have ever been given. They will surprise you with their talents each and every day — and they won’t even realize they are doing it because it comes so naturally to them.

The best relationship of your life will be with someone born in spring because they are night owls who never want the evening to end. They are the last ones in the house to fall asleep. They feel the most alive when the sun goes down. They will text you into three in the morning to talk about the intricacies of the universe. They will pick you up at midnight and drive you to the beach so you can sit in the car and talk while watching the waves. They will answer your calls any time that you ring because they will always be awake when you are.

The best relationship of your life will be with someone born in spring because they are going to be there for you whenever you need them. They are going to help you without complaining or keeping tally. They are going to put constant effort into your relationship so you never feel like you are unappreciated. They are going to make sure you feel loved each and every day because you deserve to know they care.

#Happiness

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foursprouthappiness-blog · 6 years

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The Unstress Course is Now Open for Enrollment (but Closes on Monday)

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The Unstress Course is Now Open for Enrollment (but Closes on Monday)

My brand new 10-week Unstress Course is now open to join.

If you join during this period you also get free life-time access to all the material in my The Art of Relaxed Productivity program as a special bonus.

The registration to join this course will only be open for 5 days, until 1.00 p.m EDT (that’s 17.00 GMT) on Monday the 4th of June.

Click here to learn more and to join the course

I started working on this course last year but it all started about 6 years ago when I had simply had enough of all the stress dragging me down in life.

This course is filled with all the best things I’ve learned since that time.

The strategies, exercises and simple step-by-step methods that have helped me to stop stressing so much.

Each week of the course you’ll get a written guide, a worksheet to help you to gain a better understanding of your own situation and results as you go through the course and an audio version of that week’s guide that you can listen to anywhere when you need help to handle a stressful situation.

At the end of the weekly guide you’ll get just a few specific action-steps to take that week to minimize the risk of you feeling overwhelmed and getting lost in stress again.

Because I want as many as possible to not only to read the information. But also to take small steps forward each week to make a real and lasting change in their lives.

In this course you’ll for example learn how to:

Understand the 7 basic reasons for why we get stressed. So you can understand yourself better and where you need to put your attention.

Start your workday with a morning routine that only takes a couple of minutes but will reduce stressful distractions and situations greatly so that you can focus 100% on what you want and need to get done.

Deal with one of my biggest stress factors in the past: financial stress. I’ll show you 6 habits and strategies that have really helped me out with that and helps me to this day to keep stress about money to a minimum.

Stop being stuck in the same old rut of stress and feeling like you don’t have enough time and energy for what matters to you. And start living a lighter, happier and healthier life where you embrace who you deep down are and what YOU want out of your life.

And a whole lot more.

The window to join The Unstress Course closes at 1.00 p.m EDT (that’s 17.00 GMT) on Monday the 4th of June.

Click here to learn more about The Unstress Course and to enroll

#Happiness

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foursprouthappiness-blog · 6 years

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The Best Books To Read During The Last Week Of May

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The Best Books To Read During The Last Week Of May

Unsplash / Les Anderson

IF YOU WANT SOMETHING TO READ ON THE BEACH…

Amazon

The High Tide Club by Mary Kay Andrews

“When ninety-nine-year-old heiress Josephine Bettendorf Warrick summons Brooke Trappnell to Talisa Island, her 20,000 acre remote barrier island home, Brooke is puzzled. Everybody in the South has heard about the eccentric millionaire mistress of Talisa, but Brooke has never met her. Josephine’s cryptic note says she wants to discuss an important legal matter with Brooke, who is an attorney, but Brooke knows that Mrs. Warrick has long been a client of a prestigious Atlanta law firm.

Over a few meetings, the ailing Josephine spins a tale of old friendships, secrets, betrayal and a long-unsolved murder. She tells Brooke she is hiring her for two reasons: to protect her island and legacy from those who would despoil her land, and secondly, to help her make amends with the heirs of the long dead women who were her closest friends, the girls of The High Tide Club—so named because of their youthful skinny dipping escapades—Millie, Ruth and Varina. When Josephine dies with her secrets intact, Brooke is charged with contacting Josephine’s friends’ descendants and bringing them together on Talisa for a reunion of women who’ve actually never met.”

Amazon

The Glitch by Elisabeth Cohen

“Shelley Stone, wife, mother, and CEO of the tech company Conch, is committed to living her most efficient life. She takes her ‘me time’ at 3:30 a.m. on the treadmill, power naps while waiting in line, schedules sex with her husband for when they are already changing clothes, and takes a men’s multivitamin because she refuses to participate in her own oppression.

But when she meets a young woman also named Shelley Stone who has the same exact scar on her shoulder, Shelley has to wonder: Is she finally buckling under all the pressure?”

IF YOU WANT SOMETHING THAT WILL TURN YOU ON…

Amazon

The Pisces by Melissa Broder

“Lucy has been writing her dissertation on Sappho for nine years when she and her boyfriend break up in a dramatic flameout. After she bottoms out in Phoenix, her sister in Los Angeles insists Lucy dog-sit for the summer. Annika’s home is a gorgeous glass cube on Venice Beach, but Lucy can find little relief from her anxiety — not in the Greek chorus of women in her love addiction therapy group, not in her frequent Tinder excursions, not even in Dominic the foxhound’s easy affection.

Everything changes when Lucy becomes entranced by an eerily attractive swimmer while sitting alone on the beach rocks one night. But when Lucy learns the truth about his identity, their relationship, and Lucy’s understanding of what love should look like, take a very unexpected turn. A masterful blend of vivid realism and giddy fantasy, pairing hilarious frankness with pulse-racing eroticism, THE PISCES is a story about falling in obsessive love with a merman: a figure of Sirenic fantasy whose very existence pushes Lucy to question everything she thought she knew about love, lust, and meaning in the one life we have.”

Amazon

Tell Me Lies by Carola Lovering

“Lucy Albright is far from her Long Island upbringing when she arrives on the campus of her small California college, and happy to be hundreds of miles from her mother, whom she’s never forgiven for an act of betrayal in her early teen years. Quickly grasping at her fresh start, Lucy embraces college life and all it has to offer—new friends, wild parties, stimulating classes. And then she meets Stephen DeMarco. Charming. Attractive. Complicated. Devastating.

Confident and cocksure, Stephen sees something in Lucy that no one else has, and she’s quickly seduced by this vision of herself, and the sense of possibility that his attention brings her. Meanwhile, Stephen is determined to forget an incident buried in his past that, if exposed, could ruin him, and his single-minded drive for success extends to winning, and keeping, Lucy’s heart.

Lucy knows there’s something about Stephen that isn’t to be trusted. Stephen knows Lucy can’t tear herself away. And their addicting entanglement will have consequences they never could have imagined.”

IF YOU WANT TO SIT ON THE EDGE OF YOUR SEAT…

Amazon

Mr. Flood’s Last Resort by Jess Kidd

“Maud Drennan is a dedicated caregiver whose sunny disposition masks a deep sadness. A tragic childhood event left her haunted, in the company of a cast of prattling saints who pop in and out of her life like tourists. Other than visiting her agoraphobic neighbor, Maud keeps to herself, finding solace in her work and in her humble existence–until she meets Mr. Flood.

Cathal Flood is a menace by all accounts. The lone occupant of a Gothic mansion crawling with feral cats, he has been waging war against his son’s attempts to put him into an old-age home and sent his last caretaker running for the madhouse. But Maud is this impossible man’s last chance: if she can help him get the house in order, he just might be able to stay. So the unlikely pair begins to cooperate, bonding over their shared love of Irish folktales and mutual dislike of Mr. Flood’s overbearing son.

Still, shadows are growing in the cluttered corners of the mansion, hinting at buried family secrets, and reminding Maud that she doesn’t really know this man at all. When the forgotten case of a missing schoolgirl comes to light, she starts poking around, and a full-steam search for answers begins.”

Amazon

Princess by James Patterson and Rees Jones

“When the head of the world’s foremost investigation agency receives at invitation to meet Princess Caroline, third in line to the British throne, he boards his Gulfstream jet and flies straight to London.

The Princess needs Morgan’s skills, and his discretion. Sophie Edwards, a close friend of the Princess, has gone missing. She needs to be found before the media become aware of it.

Morgan knows there is more to this case than he is being told.”

IF YOU USUALLY PREFER MOVIES TO BOOKS…

Amazon

The Favorite Sister by Jessica Knoll

“When five hyper-successful women agree to appear on a reality series set in New York City called Goal Diggers, the producers never expect the season will end in murder…

Brett’s the fan favorite. Tattooed and only twenty-seven, the meteoric success of her spin studio—and her recent engagement to her girlfriend—has made her the object of jealousy and vitriol from her castmates.

Kelly, Brett’s older sister and business partner, is the most recent recruit, dismissed as a hanger-on by veteran cast. The golden child growing up, she defers to Brett now—a role which requires her to protect their shocking secret.

Stephanie, the first black cast member and the oldest, is a successful bestselling author of erotic novels. There have long been whispers about her hot, non-working actor-husband and his wandering eye, but this season the focus is on the rift that has opened between her and Brett, former best friends—and resentment soon breeds contempt.”

Amazon

The Cast by Danielle Steel

“Kait Whittier has built her magazine column into a hugely respected read followed by fans across the country. She loves her work and adores her grown children, treasuring the time they spend together. But after two marriages, she prefers to avoid the complications and uncertainties of a new love.

Then, after a chance meeting with Zack Winter, a television producer visiting Manhattan from Los Angeles, everything changes. Inspired by the true story of her own indomitable grandmother, Kait creates the storyline for a TV series. And when she shares her work with Zack, he is impressed and decides to make this his next big-budget project.

Within weeks, Kait is plunged into a colorful world of actors and industry pros who will bring her vision to life. A cool, competent director. An eccentric young screenwriter. A world-famous actress coping with private tragedy. A reclusive grande dame from Hollywood’s Golden Age. A sizzling starlet whose ego outstrips her abilities. L.A.’s latest ‘bad boy’ actor, whose affairs are setting the city on fire. An unknown ingénue with outsized talent. And a rugged, legendary leading man. As secrets are shared, the cast becomes a second family for Kait. But in the midst of this charmed year, she is suddenly forced to confront the greatest challenge a mother could ever know.

The strength of women—across generations and among friends, colleagues, and family—takes center stage in this irresistible novel, as all-too-real people find the courage to persevere in life’s drama of heartbreak and joy.”

IF YOU WANT TO LEARN SOMETHING NEW…

Amazon

How To Change Your Mind by Michael Pollan

“When Michael Pollan set out to research how LSD and psilocybin (the active ingredient in magic mushrooms) are being used to provide relief to people suffering from difficult-to-treat conditions such as depression, addiction and anxiety, he did not intend to write what is undoubtedly his most personal book. But upon discovering how these remarkable substances are improving the lives not only of the mentally ill but also of healthy people coming to grips with the challenges of everyday life, he decided to explore the landscape of the mind in the first person as well as the third. Thus began a singular adventure into various altered states of consciousness, along with a dive deep into both the latest brain science and the thriving underground community of psychedelic therapists. Pollan sifts the historical record to separate the truth about these mysterious drugs from the myths that have surrounded them since the 1960s, when a handful of psychedelic evangelists inadvertently catalyzed a powerful backlash against what was then a promising field of research.”

Amazon

The Trials of Nina McCall by Scott W. Stern

“In 1918, shortly after her eighteenth birthday, Nina McCall was told to report to the local health officer to be examined for sexually transmitted infections. Confused and humiliated, Nina did as she was told, and the health officer performed a hasty (and invasive) examination and quickly diagnosed her with gonorrhea. Though Nina insisted she could not possibly have an STI, she was coerced into committing herself to the Bay City Detention Hospital, a facility where she would spend almost three miserable months subjected to hard labor, exploitation, and painful injections of mercury.

Nina McCall was one of many women unfairly imprisoned by the United States government throughout the twentieth century. Tens, probably hundreds, of thousands of women and girls were locked up–usually without due process–simply because officials suspected these women were prostitutes, carrying STIs, or just ‘promiscuous.’

This discriminatory program, dubbed the “American Plan,” lasted from the 1910s into the 1950s, implicating a number of luminaries, including Eleanor Roosevelt, John D. Rockefeller Jr., Earl Warren, and even Eliot Ness, while laying the foundation for the modern system of women’s prisons. In some places, vestiges of the Plan lingered into the 1960s and 1970s, and the laws that undergirded it remain on the books to this day.”

IF SCIENCE FICTION IS MORE YOUR STYLE…

Amazon

MEM by Bethany C. Morrow

“Set in the glittering art deco world of a century ago, MEM makes one slight alteration to history: a scientist in Montreal discovers a method allowing people to have their memories extracted from their minds, whole and complete. The Mems exist as mirror-images of their source — zombie-like creatures destined to experience that singular memory over and over, until they expire in the cavernous Vault where they are kept.

And then there is Dolores Extract #1, the first Mem capable of creating her own memories. An ageless beauty shrouded in mystery, she is allowed to live on her own, and create her own existence, until one day she is summoned back to the Vault. What happens next is a gorgeously rendered, heart-breaking novel in the vein of Kazuo Ishiguro’s Never Let Me Go.”

Amazon

84K by Claire North

“The penalty for Dani Cumali’s murder: £84,000.

Theo works in the Criminal Audit Office. He assesses each crime that crosses his desk and makes sure the correct debt to society is paid in full.

These days, there’s no need to go to prison – provided that you can afford to pay the penalty for the crime you’ve committed. If you’re rich enough, you can get away with murder.

But Dani’s murder is different. When Theo finds her lifeless body, and a hired killer standing over her and calmly calling the police to confess, he can’t let her death become just an entry on a balance sheet.

Someone is responsible. And Theo is going to find them and make them pay.”

#Happiness

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100+ ‘Bro Names’ That Are Hilarious When You Say Them Out Loud

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100+ ‘Bro Names’ That Are Hilarious When You Say Them Out Loud

Brooke Cagle

1. Clint Eastbro

2. Zac Efbro

3. Chris Hemsbro

4. Bronning Tatum

5. James Francbro

6. Brohnny Depp

7. Chris Brovans

8. Ian Bromerhalder

9. Liam Bromsworth

10. Bro Pitt

11. Richbro Gere

12. Leonardo BroCaprio

13. David Beckbro

14. Ryan Bronolds

15. Bradley Coopbro

16. Denbro Washington

17. Ryan Gosbro

18. Adam Brovine

19. Bro Jackman

20. Robert Browney Jr.

21. Jake Brollenhaal

22. Gerard Butbro

23. Heath Ledgebro

24. Brolando Bloom

25. Matt Bromer

26. Kurt Brobain

27. Taylor Lautbro

28. Ewan McBrogor

29. Bro Pratt

30. Dylan O’Broen

31. Patrick Brompsey

32. Brolin Farrell

33. Justin Timbrolake

34. Jared Brodalecki

35. Jude Bro

36. Brostian Bale

37. Dave francbro

38. George Cloonbro

39. Jamie Bronan

40. Michael Brobender

41. Tom Brose

42. James McAbro

43. Nick Bronas

44. Tom Broddleston

45. Chace Broford

46. Bro Hardy

47. Joseph Brodon-Levitt

48. Jared Broto

49. Josh Brohamel

50. Zayn Brolik

51. Stephen Bromell

52. Broton Haynes

53. Matthew McBronaughey

54. Ashton Kutchbro

55. Mark Broberg

56. Bro Hamm

57. Donald Brover

58. Alexander Skarsbro

59. John Bromos

60. Dev Brotel

61. Andrew Brofield

62. Wentworth Broller

63. Josh Hutcherbro

64. Lenny Brovitz

65. Scott Eastbro

66. Chad Michael Murrbro

67. Tom Brolling

68. Enrique Brolesias

69. Kellan Brotz

70. Matt Broman

71. Alan Broman

72. John Brogend

73. Dwayne Bronson

74. Mark Broffalo

75. Robert Pattinbro

76. Paul Brosley

77. Ryan Brollippe

78. Keanu Broves

79. Daniel Brocliffe

80. Pierce Brosnan

81. Jesse Brocalfe

82. Bro Rudd

83. Shawn Brondes

84. Gary Broldman

85. James Marsbro

86. Shia LaBro

87. Paul Browman

88. Brominem

89. Justin Biebro

90. John Maybro

91. Barack Brobama

92. Bill Clintbro

93. Donbro Trump

94. Aziz Ansarbro

95. Broye

96. Tristan Thompbro

97. Brothony Hopkins

98. Steven Brogal

99. John McBro

100. Arnold Schwarzenbroger

101. Sean Bronnery

#Happiness

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3 Zodiac Signs That Are Going To Have Their Lives Changed On May 30

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3 Zodiac Signs That Are Going To Have Their Lives Changed On May 30

Gemini

You either recently celebrated your birthday or are getting ready to celebrate your birthday, and honestly, you have been freaking out about getting older. Time has been going by so quickly and you haven’t been able to reach the exact place you wanted to be yet. There’s a part of you that is embarrassed because you feel like you are falling behind your friends, you feel like you should be further along by now. There have been days when you struggled to get out of bed and days when you wondered what the point was in even trying when you can never seem to reach your intended destination.

But today, something is going to shift. You might be given an unexpected opportunity. You might be offered an invitation somewhere that could change your world if you choose to accept. You might meet someone who will have a huge impact on your future moving forward. You might hear inspirational words that modify your personal mindset. You might feel a surge in courage and take a risk you have been considering for ages.

Something big is happening soon. Something life-changing. Something you have been waiting an eternity for, whether you realize it or not.

Libra

Things have been going pretty well for you lately. In fact, you’ve been worried they have been going a little too well. You have been waiting for something horrible to balance out your happiness — and unfortunately, that might happen today.

But you shouldn’t freak out, because even though what May 30th has in store for you will originally seem heartbreaking, it is actually a good thing. It will put what matters the most to you into perspective. It will remind you to appreciate what you have. It will force you to change your pace. It will give you a chance to start from a clean slate.

Your world might be changing today, but you have to remember that change is not always negative. Sometimes it is the best thing for you. Sometimes it will make you happier in the long-run even if it makes you a little more stressed out in the meantime.

Pisces

You experienced a loss recently. Maybe you went through a breakup. Maybe a loved one has died. Maybe you relocated from your hometown. Maybe you were fired from your job. Maybe you lost touch with a close friend.

But today, your luck is going to change. This will be the first day you feel real again after all of the bullshit the world has thrown at you lately. Today will be a good day. A day where you smile and laugh and forget about how miserable you felt the last few weeks.

Technically, you probably won’t make any life-changing moves today, but you will have an epiphany. You will decide what you want moving forward and create a plan for the future that will ultimately change your life. Today you are going to set the stepping stones that you will follow toward your dream life.

#Happiness

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Why? 3 Ways Asking Questions Transformed My Life

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Why? 3 Ways Asking Questions Transformed My Life

You’re reading Why? 3 Ways Asking Questions Transformed My Life, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Why Me?

Why am I here?

For many months, I set aside a few minutes every day to ask myself this question, Determined to discover the source of my soul, I entered further into my inner awareness, cutting through confusion and uncertainty with the sharp blade of concentration.

First, I was a writer. Then, I was a teacher, and then I was an entrepreneur. I was a creative artist, a self-sacrificing builder, and a visionary leader. I was a thinker. I was a doer. I was both. I was everything. I was nothing. I was confused.

My existential excursions always circled back to this original ambiguity; over and over again, I shattered my identity as I searched for an unreachable, unreal version of myself. Instead of paralyzing myself inside of a familiar caricature, I surrendered and accepted my fate. I would never discover who I was. For the rest of my life, I would float through the fog like a wandering gray blob.

My despair hardened into frustration. Why couldn’t I squeeze myself into a standard, labeled box like everyone else did? Why couldn’t I accept a simple, surface-level reality? Why did I always dig deeper? Why did I always ask questions?

Finally, I understood. Emerging through this anguish, I tasted the sweet realization; rising up from a dungeon of doubt, I unraveled the riddle to reveal the answer hidden in the question. In a moment of insight, the light of truth flickered. I was here to ask why.

Through asking why, I transformed. Through asking why, I broke through layer after layer towards the source of life and growth. Through asking why, I accepted limitation, redefined my relationships, and generated wisdom.

Accepting Limitation

Asking why was my first step to real humility. Buried in every “why” is the critical admittance of “I don’t know,” and thus every why implies vulnerability.

A few summers ago in upstate New York, some friends and I went out to a field to lie down flat on the grass, and stare up at the night sky. As a patch of clouds broke up, thousands of stars spotted the black emptiness. Shrinking, sinking into the soft soil, I felt small and powerless. Swallowed up by the infinite darkness, I encountered the hard truth. I knew nothing.

EPSON MFP image

We, humanity, know nothing. Physicists don’t know what 80% of the universe is made of. They call this “dark matter.” Biologists don’t know how organic life sprang into existence. They call this “prehistoric soup.” Evolutionary geneticists don’t know how Homo sapiens developed two nostrils. They call this “random selection.”

Science, I supposed, described how the universe worked, not why the universe worked. Logic was limited. I couldn’t map my life experiences over a grid; I couldn’t upload my consciousness onto a hard drive. I was more than a robotic monkey. I was a human. I was a questioner.

For many years, I wrote down all of my questions about life, truth, self, and anything mysterious. With the guidance of my teachers and mentors, I pushed past the periphery of my understanding to absorb and digest ancient insight.

Fortunately, during my mission to define the metaphysical, I uncovered a foundation of faith. By embracing the necessary cycle of confusion and clarity, paradoxes no longer slowed my progress – on the contrary, uncertainty fueled my curiosity. Reaching for my unanswered questions, step-by-step, I climbed up higher into the rabbit hole.

I accepted limitation. I would never fully understand the complexity of even one ant or raindrop or musical note. I would never understand the absolute truth. I would only taste a trace. I would only catch a glimpse of light between the passing patches of cloud and fog.

Entering the mystery, I ascended into a world of infinite awe and wonder. Although my life was a mere speck of ink on the cosmic portrait, each day of my life contained its own universe – each moment was pregnant with purpose. After twenty years of watching the night sky, I understood a fundamental insight. My soul – like a star – was an indestructible fire of truth illuminating the vast void of chaos and darkness.

Redefining Relationships

Asking why was also my first step to real relationships. By questioning assumptions, I uncovered deeper dimensions in my personal service to others.

After my first year in yeshiva, I returned back home to an alien environment. My friends and family had changed; they expressed unfamiliar values, concerns, and motivations. American culture had changed; constantly barking into colorful, rectangular boxes, people guzzled this strange, oil-black, liquid fuel. In truth, I was the one that changed. After hundreds of hours of analyzing complex, profound texts, I had forged and refined a clearer lens to interpret the language of life.

With a deeper understanding of my own intuitive, moral conscience, I reevaluated my relationships. What did my friend really want? Where was he coming from? Which attribute motivated and sustained his challenges and goals? With patience, I decoded what he said into what he meant.

How would I help? Often, listening was enough. One word or sentence at the right time was enough. Instead of spitting out ambiguous opinions and familiar clichés, I calculated my responses. My intention shifted completely. No longer did I ask myself, “What should I tell my friend?” Now, I asked, “What does he need to hear?”

The wisdom of why transformed my whole perspective – like an x-ray, the vision of my intellect penetrated all surfaces. Digging deeper, I traced values and philosophies back to their roots. Almost always, I observed, educated people constructed sophisticated arguments and proofs to justify an assumption based on emotion or intuition; almost no one sorted out the truth in clear black ink on blank white paper.

Through wisdom, I redefined my relationships. My goal was to give, guide, and grow through objective consideration, building trust, and selfless action. My goal was to question my role. How would I give to the other? How would I receive? How would I develop stronger, deeper, more meaningful connections? In a short time, these small, inner adjustments stimulated massive, inter-personal transformation.

Generating Wisdom

Finally, asking why was my first step to real wisdom. By exploring the questions that bothered me, I unlocked the deeper chambers of my intellect.

Where was wisdom? Where was truth? Where was insight? I needed more than answers. I needed a map. I needed a process.

I stopped consuming, and I started creating. I stopped reading books, watching movies, and travelling so much. I stopped searching, seeking, and exploring. Instead, I reversed inward the flashlight of my concentration. I started free writing, logging my daily activities, and listing my principles and goals. I started asking myself hard questions. I started thinking.

How would I think better, clearer, and faster? How would I think more positive, productive, and proactive? The more I examined my thoughts, the more I illuminated the darkness of cognitive conditioning. The more I controlled my attention, the more I shaped my reality.

Through this crystallization, I entered into wisdom. Wisdom was like nuclear physics. Every true idea was an atom, and this immense, invisible energy either would wipe out civilian populations or fuel power plants. How would I use my wisdom? Would my ideas build or destroy cities?

I entered into truth. Truth was like medicine. If administered at the wrong time, or to the wrong person, the healing drug would become a poison. Too much truth could destroy another’s self-confidence, happiness, and even sanity. How would I deliver and withhold the truth to help others?

I entered into insight. Insight was like lightning. In brief moments, bright flashes illuminated my entire psychological landscape, and I identified my emotional and intellectual assumptions. How would I hold onto these fragments of awakening? How would I convert this inspiration into action?

Through wisdom, truth, and insight, I entered into reality. As I sharpened and refined my questions, they disappeared, and the puzzle pieces of my obligation snapped into place. Clarity morphed to joy, and then solidified into habit; through habit, I upgraded into myself 2.0, wiped clean of all previous bugs and glitches.

I Know Why. But What Now?

I was here to ask why. But why was I here to ask why? Was there a downside or danger to asking why?

Sometimes, asking why was unpleasant or frightening. As I penetrated my subconscious, blocked and forgotten pain resurfaced; ugly, raw reality cracked all illusions of peace and stability. Sometimes, asking why was paralyzing. As I coordinated and calculated my direction and pace, I lost momentum – one after the other, my peers passed forward on their paths to achievement and recognition. Although asking why was hard, it was a necessary sacrifice. I refused to remain an undefined, gray blob. I wanted purpose, not pleasure; I wanted long-term growth, not instant gratification. To plant and cultivate my questions, I gave up money, respect, and sleep. To acquire my indestructible identity, I let go of all comfortable assumptions.

I was here to ask why. But didn’t everyone ask why? How was I different?

For me, asking deep questions wasn’t a mere thought experiment, meditation, or mindset. Asking why was my life. A relentless curiosity colored all facets of my personality, relationships, and activities; I asked the questions no one else cared about. Asking why distinguished me from others.

For everyone and everything, the essential component of identity is that which distinguishes one from the rest. What distinguishes you from others? What have you gained from asking why? What are your questions? Please share.

You’ve read Why? 3 Ways Asking Questions Transformed My Life, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

#Happiness

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10 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You’re An INFJ, The World’s Rarest Personality Type

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10 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You’re An INFJ, The World’s Rarest Personality Type

God & Man

The INFJ (standing for Introversion, Intuition, Feeling, Judgment) is the rarest personality type of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, making up only 1-2% of the population. But how does their unique personality translate into real-life contexts?

Here are ten things people don’t realize you are doing because you’re an INFJ:

1. Fixating on people and situations that don’t necessarily matter in the long run; planning in advance for everything and imagining every potential scenario possible ahead of time.

As an INFJ, you’ve got quite the imagination (which makes you pretty talented at visualizing and manifesting things). On the other hand, this can be a recipe for disaster if you haven’t gotten a handle on your anxiety or taken the appropriate steps to set healthy boundaries with yourself and others. You may fixate on a problem for far too long without coming up with realistic solutions. You may become easily deeply entangled and absorbed in how others are behaving or what they think of you. This habit of “fixating” and obsessing over others can also make you prone to engaging in fantasy relationships. While this can benefit you as a creative type, it is very easy for you to get lost inside of your mind and out of touch with reality.

In social groups, you tend to be the overthinker who’s already on top of issues and topics among those who haven’t given them a second thought. You’re likely to anticipate anything and everything that could occur in a future event and pre-plan ways in which you could solve potential conflict or navigate obstacles that haven’t even occurred yet.

Unfortunately, you can’t just plan for everything. People can be unpredictable, life is always in flux and the only constant is change. It’s important for INFJs to realize that the only thing you can plan for is how you can best take care of yourself emotionally if things don’t quite turn out as you expected.

2. Dissociating from the material world to live in your own head.

INFJs have a running joke about frequently running into poles while walking or tripping over their own feet because they were daydreaming or thinking too deeply – and unfortunately, this joke hits all too close to home. Going inward allows us to be innovators, but it can also disconnect us at times from our immediate surroundings.

There’s the “real life” that we acknowledge exists – and then there’s an elaborate, rich fantasy life we have that we tend to disappear into every day, where we create full-fledged interactions, conversations and events that haven’t happened (at least not yet). Which world is more real? To an INFJ, the answer is not as clear-cut as it seems. The truth is, if you know an INFJ, they’ve have already had multiple conversations with you – you just weren’t there physically when they happened.

3. Reading the emotions of people and absorbing their energy.

INFJs are natural empaths who soak up the emotions of those around them. They have a knack for intuitively sensing what others are feeling and understanding what is left unsaid in social interactions.

They tend to be very compassionate people who are overly generous and conscientious to the needs of others. This makes them a target for predators like narcissists who seek to exploit them. That’s why it’s important for INFJs to develop a healthy radar and move slowly in relationships to ward off these toxic types. They also need to ground themselves mindfully as to not take on the emotions of others.

On the other hand, this ability also makes INFJs gifted healers, highly attuned to what other people need in their journey towards personal development. INFJs can use their emotional intelligence to excel in professions that involve teaching, counseling, coaching and inspiring social change.

4. Having your guard up, yet desiring and chasing after meaningful connections that last for a lifetime.

INFJs are deeply sensitive personalities that become easily hurt when mistreated. That’s why many of them learn to guard themselves when meeting new people or letting people into their “secret” world. Since INFJs can be quiet and reserved in certain situations, they can sometimes appear cold and standoffish, especially when deep in thought. Very few people get close enough to discover the true core of an INFJ.

Yet with their loved ones, INFJs are loyal and compassionate, warm-hearted and sentimental. They value their friendships and relationships with an intensity and intimacy that is surprising.

However, their emotions are extremely strong and once you get to know them a bit better, you realize they are actually very warm and loving people. As observers of human behavior and astute students of “people,” they are startlingly thoughtful in their ability to connect to what makes others happy around them. Their sentimental nature may not come through when INFJs are being guarded with their hearts, but as they slowly learn to drop their guard around trustworthy people, their bright energy shines through easily.

5. Using your intuition in a way that’s eerily on point.

Friends, family members and loved ones may call you slightly “psychic.” And, well, you kind of are. INFJs have an uncanny intuition about situations and people that goes beyond facades and surface-level appearances. They may have dreams and premonitions that come to life or gut feelings that, while at the time seem ridiculous, are later confirmed by unexpected life events.

For the most part, they can make accurate predictions years ahead of time and have their finger on the pulse of what’s about to occur. A challenge for the INFJ is to learn how to trust their intuition early on; they need to know that the way they come to conclusions is quite different from other personality types that are more “practical.”

6. Slamming the door on toxic people with a ferocity that shocks onlookers.

While INFJs can have a difficult time setting boundaries with toxic people at the onset, they all eventually reach their limits. The INFJ personality type is known for the infamous “door slam,” a phenomenon that occurs when the INFJ feels so violated by someone that they no longer have the emotional reserves to tolerate any more of their bullshit.

Although the door slam can sometimes be used in contexts that don’t warrant it, often times the INFJ slamming the door has more than enough reason to do so. Remember that this type is very conscientious: so before cutting off contact, they’ve likely already weighed the pros and cons and have probably tolerated numerous transgressions prior to ending the relationship or friendship.

7. Being immediately turned off by insensitive personality types, especially ones that are tone-deaf and emotionally obtuse.

Blunt, unemotional people are a natural turn-off to this personality type. Because INFJs are so conscientious and tend to overthink and over analyze everything they do and say to others, it baffles them that other people could be so unaware, cold, indifferent or downright unempathic in their interactions with others. They are easily overwhelmed by bullying types who treat others with a reckless disregard or treat people with abrasiveness. The exception being, of course, manipulative charmers who can “present” a more gentle personality type at the onset, but later unmask themselves to be cruel and callous. INFJs can have a more difficult time detoxing from manipulators simply because of the trauma this “unmasking” reveals.

It’s probably this same indignation that explains why INFJs tend to be justice seekers, always with a mission to right wrongs and support the underdog. It’s important that INFJs keep in mind that other personality types may deal with their emotions differently, while also being mindful of the company they keep. INFJs have to learn to be so comfortable in their own skin that they don’t end up trying to cater to the needs of toxic personalities, even while remaining diplomatic.

8. Disappearing for days after just a few social interactions.

INFJs can appear very friendly and extroverted to outsiders. In fact, this is one of the most “extroverted” introverted types. Yet their energy can get drained easily by social interactions, even the most positive ones. They need time to absorb and process social interactions in a way that can appear somewhat unusual to outsiders. They might disappear for days without contacting you or seem uncharacteristically emotionally distant even while physically present.

If this disappearance occurs after a conflict, it’s important to let the INFJ retreat and unwind by themselves. They need time to cool down, relax and reconnect with you later (if they aren’t doing a “door slam,” that is). If they disappear after a positive interaction, don’t worry. They’re usually just spending time reminiscing over and processing the fond memories. For the most part, INFJs retreat not because they don’t enjoy spending time with you, but because their alone time is essential for their self-care.

9. Being overly organized in some areas and highly disorganized, even neglectful, in others.

Being a perfectionist comes naturally for an INFJ, so they’re usually stereotyped as being organized, meticilous and neurotic in all facets of their life. However, the INFJ is a complex and contradictory type. They can get so absorbed in something that they neglect other important aspects or even neglect their own wellbeing.

It’s common to see an INFJ spend hours on a project while neglecting to eat or sleep, or for an INFJ to become so lost in a creative undertaking that they lose sight of their external environment, causing them to leave their living arrangements in disarray. Sometimes, they focus so much on the details that they lose sight of the bigger picture – or vice versa.

That’s why you might encounter an INFJ who is incredibly precise and detailed in certain projects, but seemingly messy and disorganized in others. It’s because their logic and reasoning is very tied to their intuition – they do things on “impulse” and from their inspiration moreso than deadlines or protocols because they have an intuitive sense of knowing of what will work, what won’t and how they work best.

You’re also likely to meet INFJs who are very high-strung and devoted to a goal or dream, often at the expense of their social life or their mental health. How an INFJ thinks and organizes things may not make sense to an outsider, but they definitely bring a unique perspective into everything they do. They just have to learn how to take better care of themselves in the process.

10. Appearing to have multiple personalities.

If you’ve asked an INFJ a tough question, don’t worry – one of their personalities will be with you shortly. This complex type has many different facets to their identity, many of which can contradict one another.

You may witness a seemingly scientific and “rational” INFJ exhibit a keen interest in spiritual or even paranormal matters, or a normally serious INFJ morph into a mischievous comedian with a knack for telling dirty jokes.

Don’t be alarmed. These are all sides of the same person. INFJs have a rich inner life that they normally don’t share with others, so their inner monologue when “outed” is quite intriguing to say the least. When it does come out and reveal some sides of them you haven’t seen before, realize that you’re just getting another piece of a very intricate and unusual puzzle. INFJs are tough personalities to figure out, but that’s what makes them so interesting.

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This Is How To Be Charming: 5 Secrets From Research

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/happiness/this-is-how-to-be-charming-5-secrets-from-research/

This Is How To Be Charming: 5 Secrets From Research

***

Before we commence with the festivities, I wanted to thank everyone for helping my first book become a Wall Street Journal bestseller. To check it out, click here.

***

Being charming. Is there a more enviable quality? We’d hate charming people if we didn’t love them so much.

I’ve covered how to be sexy and cool but charming, well, that’s a whole ‘nother beast. And what a beautiful beast it is. We’re going to pull together the research from many, many… well, far too many sources and create our own little Charm School here on the interwebz.

Let’s start with the most fundamental dynamic in how people evaluate one another. It’s how others judge you and how you judge others. And, amazingly, we get it wrong almost every time…

The Fundamental Dynamic

You know how people always say first impressions are oh-so-important? A good body of research shows they’re right. And, to add to that, once those impressions are set, experts say they’re exceedingly hard to change.

And that is downright scary. It’s a lot of pressure. We’re afraid of looking like an idiot when we first meet someone new. So often we try to impress them by appearing competent. Or maybe we play it cool.

Or maybe you do both. But if you’re trying to be charming, that is a terrible idea…

Harvard research shows 80% of our judgments about people come down to warmth and competence. And the more important quality is warmth. We’ll take a lovable moron over a competent jerk more often than not.

Being perceived as an idiot shouldn’t be your biggest fear — being seen as cold should. You want to be in the right hand column, not the left.

So what’s the most important thing to do when it comes to being seen as warm? Former head of the FBI’s Behavioral Analysis Program, Robin Dreeke, says it’s as simple as smiling more.

Moreover, when meeting someone new, studies show people are unlikely to judge the interaction by how interesting you are. They’re nervous too. Like you, they are more focused on whether they’re screwing up.

From The Art of Conversation:

Research has found that with a serious topic or a good friend, we measure a conversation’s success by how enthralled we were by what the other person said. Whereas, the less familiar the other person, the more trivial the topic, the likelier we are to rate the experience by our own performance.

So to be charming, think less about being impressive, more about being warm, and more about whether the other person feels like they’re performing well.

(To learn more about the science of a successful life, check out my bestselling book here.)

So we know what’s important and the right attitude to take. But how should we act? And what error do we commonly make in our behavior? Well, to get this right, we need to take a lesson from… Would you believe me if I said “racists”?

Put Some Effort In, Willya?

Racists often have to pretend to not be racist. And that requires work. So they put in the effort that many of us don’t when interacting with others. So research shows, believe it or not, racists often make a better first impression:

We tested the hypothesis that, ironically, Blacks perceive White interaction partners who are more racially biased more positively than less biased White partners, primarily because the former group must make more of an effort to control racial bias than the latter.

If you think I’m encouraging or condoning racism you’re insane. Don’t be racist. But do put in some effort when meeting others. If it can make racists come off better, imagine what it can do for you.

Making an effort sounds obvious but we just don’t do it. We get lazy. Research shows that couples enjoy time together more when they pretend it’s their first date. Why? When you’re on a first date you put more effort in.

Think of a gracious host at a party. They try. They put in effort to make you feel welcome. To get to know you. To make sure you are introduced to others, that you have a drink and are comfortable. And when you feel awkward at the party you want to cling to them. Why? They went out of their way to be nice to you. That’s charm.

Research shows that how you go into a conversation often determines the result. When we’re socially optimistic and expect others to like us, they often do. Meanwhile mistrust can be a self-fulfilling prophecy.

So make an effort. Don’t play it cool. I like to frame it in my mind as: “How would I act if I had wanted to meet this person for a long time and finally got the opportunity?”

(To learn the 4 secrets to reading body language like an expert, click here.)

So we know the right attitude and how to behave. But we’re not out of the woods yet. You may find yourself in the ninth circle of Small Talk Hell where traitors to charming conversation are condemned to an eternity of making comments about the weather…

What is the point of small talk? How do you do it well? And how do you break free from it and connect on a deeper level?

Small Talk = Seeking Similarity

What should your goal be when making small talk? Ask questions to find points of similarity. Similarity is extraordinarily powerful when it comes to bonding and this is backed by more studies than you would ever want to read.

Best part? The similarity doesn’t even have to be something deep or serious to have profound effects.

From How To Have A Good Day:

Lauren Rivera, a sociologist at Northwestern University, found that 74% of recruiting managers at prestigious firms reported that their most recent hire had a “personality similar to mine.” How did they decide they were “similar”? It wasn’t a particularly deep assessment. One of the most important factors was having familiar leisure pursuits, such as a shared interest in sports or technology.

And when you find that similarity, don’t be afraid to show some enthusiasm. You don’t have to hop up and down. Be calm and speak slowly but positive emotions, passion, and being excited about something are good. Isn’t that who you’d like to spend time with?

Professor Stephen Ceci taught his class the way he had for the past 20 years, replicating nearly everything imaginable — except he started speaking with more enthusiasm. What happened?

His student ratings went up — in every single category.

From The Tell: The Little Clues That Reveal Big Truths about Who We Are:

And you want your body language to be open and comfortable. Think “expanding.” Body movements that go up and out are good. Anything that compresses or squeezes is bad. Here’s FBI behavior expert Robin Dreeke:

I always want to make sure that I’m showing good, open, comfortable non-verbals. I just try to use high eyebrow elevations. Basically, anything going up and elevating is very open and comforting. Anything that is compressing: lip compression, eyebrow compression, where you’re squishing down, that’s conveying stress.

So you know how to handle small talk — but now how do you escape it? Nothing’s worse than being mired in banality. We’re going to cast three powerful scientific charm spells at once…

Hit them with the trifecta of a sincere compliment, vulnerability, and a request for advice. This is a great combo for deepening a bond, humanizing yourself and taking the conversation to another level.

Is the person you’re talking to in good shape? Then it’s as simple as, “You look like you hit the gym a lot. I’ve really let myself go over the past year. I’d really appreciate any exercise tips you have.”

You paid them an honest compliment, you opened up about something many people might be reluctant to admit, and positioned them as an expert. Who wouldn’t be flattered?

(To learn the top 6 influence techniques of hostage negotiators, click here.)

By asking for advice, you build a more trusting connection and move on to a meatier subject. And it gets them talking. You just need to focus on listening. Problem is, most of us are terrible at listening. What’s the secret to being a good listener?

They Need To Know You’re Listening

At some point someone has angrily asked you, “Are you listening to me?!” And you probably responded, “Of course, I am.” And you probably were. So what’s the problem here? You weren’t making it clear you were listening.

And the best way to do that is to ask good questions. If you were to say, “Every morning I dream about poisoning my co-worker’s coffee” and someone responded with, “Arsenic and cyanide are old standbys but have you considered thallium? It’s odorless, colorless and tasteless” this would make two things clear. First, they are definitely listening to you. Second, this is not someone you want to make angry.

Robin Dreeke says the best questions are open-ended, beginning with “how” or “what.” They’re great because someone can’t easily answer them with one word and they keep the conversation going.

Actively showing interest in others is powerful. When people speak, the best responses are both active and constructive. What’s that mean?

It is engaged, enthusiastic, curious and has supportive nonverbal action. Ask questions. Be excited. Ask for details. Smile. Touch. Laugh.

Via Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-being:

You want to let them do the bulk of the talking but you don’t want this to feel like an interrogation or a therapist’s office. You need to talk too. Share something related, preferably emphasizing similarity yet again, and bounce the ball back with another open-ended question.

Remember what the research said: they’ll judge the interaction by how well they feel they did. So do not play the one-up game, where you’re trying to top their story. They’ll feel bad and you’ll end up in the cold-competent quadrant. No bueno.

You can accept everything they say without having to agree with everything they say. Nod your head and don’t pick fights. So none of that “I was just being honest” argument-inducing nonsense. To quote political communication expert Frank Luntz, “It’s not what you say, it’s what they hear.”

Directness is the privilege of intimacy. Don’t be blunt with people you barely know and rarely be blunt with people you do know. That’s acting like warmth doesn’t matter, and as we saw above, it matters more than anything else.

(To learn a clinical psychologist’s 7 steps for making difficult conversations easy, click here.)

Okay, the conversation is humming along and you’re pretty darn charming. Time to hit them with the knockout punch…

Give Them The Thing We All Want

Should we give them a big, flattering compliment and tell them they’re awesome? Nope.

The fact is people don’t just want to be seen positively; they want to be seen as they see themselves. What’s the thing we all want? To feel understood.

From No One Understands You and What to Do About It:

Psychologists call this the desire for self-verification, and it is a profound and universal need. People become really uncomfortable when they get compliments (or criticism) they feel they genuinely don’t deserve. What this means for you is that praising someone for a quality they don’t believe they possess can backfire on you big-time. The best way to steer clear of this problem is to stick with truthful affirmations. In other words, affirm the abilities and accomplishments that you have direct evidence of—the ones that you know to be authentic and genuinely admire.

So how do you do this? You’ve been putting effort into the conversation, right? Asking good questions? Well, then it’s not too hard to suss out how this person sees themselves and what traits they value.

If you listen to people, they will tell you who they are. And professor Sam Gosling (who I think of as the academic Sherlock Holmes) says what they tell you is usually accurate:

Identity claims are deliberate statements we make about our attitudes, goals, values, etc… One of the things that’s really important to keep in mind about identity statements is because these are deliberate, many people assume we are being manipulative with them and we’re being disingenuous, but I think there’s little evidence to suggest that that goes on. I think generally people really do want to be known. They’ll even do that at the expense of looking good. They’d rather be seen authentically then positively if it came down to that choice.

So compliment them on who they tell you they are. It’s not that hard. Former FBI lead international hostage negotiator Chris Voss says it’s as simple as listening and paraphrasing what they say to you.

And even if you get it wrong, you’re still doing great. They’ll correct you. This is called “getting to know them better.” And the fact that you’re trying to get to know them better is very, very flattering. Humbly revise your statement, paraphrasing what they told you.

This is what leads to that powerful feeling of “this person gets me.” And nothing feels better than that.

(To learn the two-word morning ritual that will make you happy all day, click here.)

Charm School students, class is dismissed. We’ve learned a lot. Let’s round it up and learn how to do all of this so it’s sincere…

Sum Up

This is how to be charming:

The Fundamental Dynamic: Warmth is more important than competence. Better to be seen as a lovable idiot than a cold, competent Evil Genius.

Put in some effort, willya?: They will judge the interaction by how they feel they did. So help them do good. Gracious hosts make an effort.

Small talk = seek similarity: And once you’ve found it, offer a sincere compliment, show vulnerability, and ask for advice. You hate small talk? Me too. You’ve done a great job of reading this so far. Sometimes I have trouble reading long blog posts. What’s your secret?

They need to know you’re listening: Ask open-ended questions, be active and constructive, and contribute but don’t no one-up.

Give them the thing we all want: We all want to feel understood. Understand?

Now I get to sit back and wait for the emails from friends saying, “Eric, why don’t you do any of this when I’m talking with you?” Well, the best football coaches are not necessarily the best football players. But I try.

If you’re not naturally charming (and I’m usually about as charming as a brick through a plate glass window) this stuff takes some practice. Which raises an important issue: if you make these changes, are you being inauthentic?

Not if you have the other person’s best interests in mind. When I spoke to Harvard Business School professor Gautam Mukunda he said:

Changing yourself is not inauthentic. Part of what people do is they change. They evolve, they can grow, and they can change themselves. So what is it to be authentic? It doesn’t mean you can’t change, but it does mean that the changes that you make, again, have to be aligned with the sense of who you really are, and who you want to be.

In fact, research shows that when you try to be your best self, you end up presenting your true self:

In sum, positive self-presentation facilitates more accurate impressions, indicating that putting one’s best self forward helps reveal one’s true self.

To be charming, try to bring out the best in others. And you don’t have to be inauthentic:

Just be the best version of who you already are.

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How To Get People To Like You: 7 Ways From An FBI Behavior Expert

The post This Is How To Be Charming: 5 Secrets From Research appeared first on Barking Up The Wrong Tree.

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10 Habits and Misunderstandings To Toss

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10 Habits and Misunderstandings To Toss

You’re reading 10 Habits and Misunderstandings To Toss, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Most of us associate spring-cleaning with physical objects. We roll up our sleeves and clear out our closets and drawers. If we’re feeling ambitious or preparing to move we might even tackle the attic or garage. We know we have too much stuff. We want to lighten out load. It feels great when we release our junk and shed what no longer serves us. Our lives benefit tremendously when we do this on the physical plane, but also in the psychological realm. It’s important to know that it is safe to let go. Here are a few things you can “toss” that will make a huge difference in your life.

1. Worry.

Stop future-tripping. “Worry is a meditation on shit,” Mark Ruffalo says in the film, Thanks for Sharing. I’d add “future shit.” Worry is a warped form of mental preparedness; we think that if we worry about something we’ll be prepared for it. Don Joseph Goewey, author of The End of Stress, discusses a study that proves that 85% of what we worry about never happens. And he quotes the great essayist Michel de Montaigne, who wrote, “My life has been filled with terrible misfortune; most of which never happened.”

2. The Illusion of Control.

Give it up. Surrender your resistance to those things over which you have zero control. We humans love to believe we’re in control! We exert what appears to be our control in large and small ways, but sooner or later we find ourselves up against forces beyond our control. The healthiest thing to do at times like this is to accept what is. This is not always easy, especially when things don’t go our way. We might kick and scream inside, or throw an actual tantrum, but sooner or later if we don’t accept the truth of our circumstances, we’ll exacerbate our own suffering

3. Preoccupation with Others’ Thoughts—Especially About You.

What other people think of you is none of your business! You’ve heard this, right? Believe it. Make it a mantra: What other people think of me is none of my business. Be your own person. Listen to your own wisdom. You will make mistakes, and you will learn from them. Or they will return until you have learned your lessons.

4. The Old I’m-Not-Good-Enough Story.

Don’t believe the lie that you’re not good enough. I don’t care who you are or what you’ve done—you are good enough. You are a human being worthy of love and respect. You are on your path. You may get lost, but that’s part of the journey. No one person is better than another. Being rich doesn’t make you better. Success doesn’t make you better. You’re not better because of a fancy education or because of your dress size. There is no better. We are all equally worthy. Let go of your doubts, show up, and do the best you can. There’s no one to impress. No judges evaluating your every move. Life is an adventure. Play the game your way.

5. Unproductive fear.

Know the difference between productive and unproductive fear. Productive fear is a response to a real threat in our environment. It is present-moment-focused and keeps us safe. Destructive fear happens in our heads. It stems from our imagination, from scary or unpleasant stories we tell ourselves about something that happened in the past or that might (but probably won’t) happen in the future. It’s important to start to identify the two and how they show up in your life. (I discuss this further in my essay “Writing Naked: The Benefits of Exposing Yourself Through Memoir,” published in The Magic of Memoir and excerpted in MindBodyGreen.)

6. The Need for Certainty.

Give it up. Uncertainty is one of the few certainties of life. While some people may have some psychic ability, most of us don’t know what’s going to happen in the future. Needing to know what’s impossible to know causes suffering.

7. Retail Therapy.

Stay out of stores. Spending money may make you feel better for a little while, but its satisfaction is short-lived. In fact, you will feel worse than you felt before your spree if you spent money you didn’t have on stuff you don’t need. Which leads to #8.

8. Clutter.

Resist the temptation to crowd your space. Every object you own has energy attached to it; it is as if each object had invisible strings connecting us to it. After a while, these invisible strings begin to weigh us down. And if you’re surrounded by stuff you don’t like, it robs you of energy, and even prevents the flow of energy around you. So assess your space to see what you might be able to let go of.

9. Comparisons.

All comparisons are hateful. It is a waste of your precious time and energy to compare yourself with anybody else. Facebook has made this unfortunate habit difficult to avoid. What’s worse is that we compare our interior lives with other people’s outer ones. Things are rarely as they appear, especially on social media. Don’t compare yourself to anyone but the person you aspire to be.

10. Anger.

Forgive yourself and others. Holding onto your anger is like carrying a burning coal in your hand; the only one it’s hurting is you.

Spring-cleaning is great any time of year. It feels good to let go of things—physical as well as mental—that don’t serve you. Clearing habits that prevent you from living the large and luminous life you are meant to live will free you. Take stock. Be honest. Pay attention. Know you are safe no matter what. Create space for inspiration and magic to enter your life. It may be easier to let go of physical things first. Go ahead. Start there. Be brave. Toss ten things you don’t need today! And while you’re cleaning, ideas might just pop into your mind regarding deeper clearing efforts. Stay open, listen to your own wisdom and inspiration, and have fun!

Bella Mahaya Carter is the author of Secrets of My Sex. Her poems, essays, articles, and short fiction have appeared in The Sun, mindbodygreen, Lilith, Literary Mama, and elsewhere. Her work has been anthologized in The Magic of Memoir: Inspiration for the Writing Journey; Grandmothers’ Necklace; and Writing Our Way Out of the Dark: An Anthology of Literary Acts of Bravery. Carter, who studied dance at The Juilliard School, practices creative movement and writing as vehicles for personal transformation and spiritual connection. She is a writing teacher, developmental editor, and empowerment coach, with a lifelong passion for creativity, health, and healing. She is a featured columnist on SheWrites.com. Her new book is Raw: My Journey from Anxiety to Joy. You can connect with Bella on Facebook and Instagram and learn more about her at www.bellamahayacarter.com.

You’ve read 10 Habits and Misunderstandings To Toss, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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The 10-Second Pause that Can Save a Day and Spare Some Pain

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/happiness/the-10-second-pause-that-can-save-a-day-and-spare-some-pain/

The 10-Second Pause that Can Save a Day and Spare Some Pain

Maybe it’s the life lessons I was forced to learn the hard way, or the toll of loss and failure I had recently endured, but a decade ago, in the midst of a panic attack on my 27th birthday, I had to admit to myself right then and there that the cheerful world of possibility I once felt in my youth now seemed dead inside me. I wanted to feel light and free and ambitious and passionate again, but I didn’t know how. Luckily, I had a wise mom nearby who gave me some good advice. She told me that she could still see a positive, passionate young man inside of me, but that I needed to do some soul searching to reconnect myself to him.

As I attempted to follow my mother’s advice, I remembered that I used to have several daily reminders written on post-it notes hanging on my bedroom wall when I was a teenager. I called them my “10-second reminders.” I would pause for 10 seconds and recite one to myself whenever I felt a wave of anxiety coming over me.

So, I wrote down a few of those same 10-second reminders again, just as I remembered them, and I added several new ones as well. Then I posted them up on the wall in my home office in clear sight. I’ve literally been surrounded by these daily reminders for a decade now. And yes, I still pause for 10 seconds at least a couple times a day, as needed, to recite them to myself. This life-changing daily ritual helps keep me centered even on the hardest days.

For anyone else who’s been feeling emotionally drained and without a real sense of how to take the next step forward, I challenge you to follow my lead. It’s all about keeping the right reminders in an easily accessible location, so they’re readily available during those inevitable moments when you need them most.

To get started, steal some of my 10-second reminders below (most of which are now excerpts from our NEW BOOK), and post them up somewhere you can see them. Then, whenever you catch yourself in one of those draining, anxiety-filled moments, pause for 10 seconds and quietly read one to yourself. See how doing so gradually changes the way you feel, think and live…

10.

11.

12.

Perspective & Acceptance

Note that none of these 10-second reminders immediately force you to do anything different. They simply represent a shift in perspective. And perspective is where peace and happiness begins. From there, you can change your posture from one of anxiety and resistance to one of acceptance and opportunity.

The goal isn’t to get rid of all your negative thoughts, feelings or life situations. That’s impossible. The goal is to change your response to them.

And this means gradually embracing life’s full range of experiences—even the draining, anxiety-filled ones.

Because, too often we yearn for a very small and selective range of life experiences—the fun times, the happy days, the things that make us feel comfortable. And yet, the full range of our reality is often quite different. Life gives us an extensive array of experiences that evoke feelings ranging from sadness to regret to pride to anger to love to loneliness… to happiness to excitement and more. These feelings are all part of being a living, breathing human being.

So we can revolt against the unfairness of life—the unfairness of having to deal with loss, having to go through adversity, having to feel lonely and uncomfortable and upset. Or we can embrace every experience life gives us, including all our highs and lows—all the blissful moments and painful ones and everything in between. Life is not just happy and comfortable 24/7. It’s well-rounded, it’s full-featured, and it’s real.

Embracing the full range of life’s experiences today means embracing every moment with our full presence, being open and vulnerable to reality, being gentle with ourselves when times are tough, and practicing sincere gratitude no matter what happens.

It means accepting life as it is, and accepting ourselves as we are.

It means not expecting the best to happen every time, but instead accepting whatever happens every time, and making the very best of it.

This isn’t easy, of course, but it’s worth working on.

YOU are worth working on, 10 seconds at a time.

I sincerely hope you leverage the reminders above (excerpts from our new book) to do just that. And if you’d like more reminders and life-changing daily rituals to work with, check out our new book, Getting Back to Happy: Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Reality, and Turn Your Trials into Triumphs.

Also, if you haven’t done so already, watch what happened when Angel and I stepped into Megyn Kelly’s TODAY Show studio a few days ago to discuss the painful personal journey that inspired us to write Getting Back to Happy:

Your turn…

If you’re feeling up to it, we would love to hear from YOU.

Which reminder mentioned above resonates with you the most today, and why?

Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.

Finally, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.

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