godsporncollection

[godsporncollection]

I'm so serious rn, one day you will realize that today is conference, but you don't have to watch it, you don't have to write a report about it, you don't have to talk to your family about your "favorite" part at dinner/FHE/etc, so you just sit there, feeling kinda "???!" about it before you decide to go do something enjoyable with your time.

Or you'll just go "oh, is that today?" and then get back to what you were doing."

Sometimes, you will have Feelings about it, even though you were fine last time. That's okay, too. Recovery isn't linear.

One day, you'll realize it's been A While since you thought about it.

#mine #exmo #apostake #exlds #i know I'm just repeating the same things i say every time #but seriously conference just isn't on my mind anymore #tbh I'm just too busy being a parent to give the church any thought #but i hope it's comforting to know that that's a possibility #future you will be so busy with life that it just won't occur to you that it's conference weekend

[godsporncollection]

Hey, it's conference weekend, which means it's time for some reminders:

You are loved, just the way you are (I know it's been a while since I said it, but yes, I still love you).

The church is not true.

The Bible actually says some pretty specific things about man speaking for god.

You are not broken or lost.

You will get out.

I won't be watching because my husband works over the weekends and I don't want my toddler hearing this shit, but please don't hesitate to reach out if you need to vent or ask questions or even if you just want a distraction.

#that's fuckin beautiful

[godsporncollection]

I've heard we can't boop back on sideblogs, so if you get a boop from @siristaci that's me

#mine #not exmo related #boop

[godsporncollection]

I don't know how to say this but there is something about being raised in the church and being taught to stand up for what you believe in but to always be humble so you never learn how to stand up for yourself or advocate for yourself but at the same time when your beliefs change you have to stand up for them and the morality you were raised on ultimately undermines the church's system because you know what agency is sacred and so is love and so is human life.

[godsporncollection]

you will not be stuck here forever.

they will guilt you and force you to attend every meeting and participate in every activity but one day you will be gone and they won't be able to control you anymore.

one day you will not be forced to find solace in church bathrooms.

[godsporncollection]

She did really good in nursery! Any time she's "played with" another kid, she's either pushed them away or taken what they're playing with. But today, she initiated cooperative play!

My mother didn't mention how she behaved during sacrament meeting. And I couldn't bring myself to ask without starting to laugh.

My toddler is going to church tomorrow.

I'm not exactly happy about this, but she's too young to really understand anything going on in sacrament meeting (she's gonna be so disruptive and I almost wish I'll be there to see it) and nursery will be good social interaction for her since she doesn't get any time with other kids her age.

Also, she's sleeping over at my parent's house for the first time because we really need the sleep, and church is just going to have to be a part of that.

#she also slept really well overnight #but refused her nap #but she was still hyped up from nursery so it makes sense #hopefully she sleeps well tonight

[godsporncollection]

My toddler is going to church tomorrow.

I'm not exactly happy about this, but she's too young to really understand anything going on in sacrament meeting (she's gonna be so disruptive and I almost wish I'll be there to see it) and nursery will be good social interaction for her since she doesn't get any time with other kids her age.

Also, she's sleeping over at my parent's house for the first time because we really need the sleep, and church is just going to have to be a part of that.

#mine #exmo #at least my parents understand that I don't want get indoctrinated #once she ages out of nursery she won't be going again for a few years #until she's old enough to make the decision for herself

[godsporncollection]

This one goes out to all the exmormons named Nephi, Ammon, Abinadi & mahonri moriancumer

#my uncle's name is Lehi #poor kid #he doesn't even live in Utah #he's been in Texas his whole life #unfortunately (but deservedly) he'll be in a Texas prison for the rest of his life #i just think it's even worse to have a mormon name when you don't even live in utah #it's bad no matter what though #I'm not actually sure he's exmo #but the little i know about him I'd assume so

[godsporncollection]

So I ordered a huge pack of pipe cleaners because I use them as armatures a lot for my projects, and this particular pack also came with like 72 googly eyes

And this I swear - if ever my hijinks land me inside a church again (very likely), at LEAST one painting is getting googly eyes. Jesus will do but ideally joe smith

#Oh please do this #I want pics

[godsporncollection]

"none of these words are in the bible" you're not even reading the secret part of the bible. with all my posts in it

[godsporncollection]

bury me in childhood joy

they say a little girl died in that primary room,

arms folded tightly,

head bowed,

fidgeting silently.

her long natural hair, a testament to her mother's devotion:

brushing our painful knots

shaping tight braids

shoving sharp bobby pins in to keep it all together.

the itchiest dress you could imagine

but it was oh so beautiful

the scratchy fabric hurt more

as dresses increased in modesty-

modest dresses equaled more fabric

to cover up girls' vulnerable bodies.

that girl had the longest dress

she was modest. she felt like a monster.

"the spirit,"

they said,

"is a still small voice."

and for the first time, the girl recognized a lie.

the spirit was not still. was not small.

it was loud, roaring waves of emotion

that overcame her

and taught her that emotions have depth and range

she was happy. she was sad. she was crying, she was glad.

that child died before she learned the word "impulsive."

the promptings of the spirit were many. they were unpredictable.

the child didn't understand.

why would her leaders lie?

the lesson was forgettable. the message, not so much.

"you must be prepared to die for the church"

"you would rather die than deny your faith,

right?"

the child didn't comprehend martyrdom

but in that moment, she knew she would die a martyr.

and she did.

the child used to love wearing her ctr ring

"choose the right"

so she did.

she chose the right path

her ring rests on that primary chair

blackened with a sharpie and bent out of shape

[godsporncollection]

[godsporncollection]

So, the funniest part of this, for me anyway, is that the guy who is credited for composing the music for Let Us Oft Speak Kind Words, Ebenezer Beesley, is my ancestor.

When my family wants to brag in musical mormon circles, we bring up the relation.

I've got a biography that I'm gonna take a look at after the holidays to see if it's mentioned when he "composed" the song. I've already looked up Red River Valley, and it's difficult to pin down when it was composed, but, from what I've gathered, if ol' Benny wrote the song after 1870, then it's likely he plagiarized it.

Hey, uh, was anyone gonna tell me that The Red River Valley and Let Us Oft Speak Kind Words are the same tune?

#mine #Red River Valley #Ebenezer Beesley

[godsporncollection]

Hey, uh, was anyone gonna tell me that The Red River Valley and Let Us Oft Speak Kind Words are the same tune?

#exmo #apostake #exmormon #mine #exlds

[godsporncollection]

anyways since it’s the holidays shout out to religiously traumatized people, people questioning their religion, people who just got out of their religion, people considering getting back into their religion, people who miss their religion even if it ended up hurting them, people who never practiced religion, people who have practiced religion their whole lives, and people who don’t celebrate christmas/celebrate other holidays because of their religon

and FUCK the mormon church

[godsporncollection]

I'm not sure if I've mentioned this story before, but I'm writing it out now since I got more info today.

So, many years ago, when I was in my teens, Mrs Smith* (I'm not using sister/brother because fuck that) dressed up and danced all sexy while singing Santa Baby to Bishop Smith at the ward Christmas party. It was very uncomfortable. Like, I'm pretty sure part of the dance was a fucking lap dance. Super inappropriate. But the most inappropriate part?

There were two Smith families.

The Mrs Smith in this story was not the bishop's wife.

A few years ago, after leaving the church, I went trick-or-treating around the old neighborhood (yes, I trick-or-treated well into adulthood). One family, the Tanner* family, always did a firepit in the driveway, while projecting old Halloween movies on the garage door. Obviously, this became a place to hang out for a while. I got talking with Mrs Tanner, who tells me she's left the church and is so happy I left too. Then she brings up some drama from old ward members. Something about Mrs Smith. I tell her the story of Santa Baby, and she says "oh, yeah, that doesn't surprise me. I'm pretty sure they were having an affair."

This knowledge pleases me greatly, as Mrs Smith was a YW leader when I was a Beehive, and she was mean. She and the other leaders had strong "popular girls clique in high school" vibes. To know her dirty secret just felt like righteous vengeance.

And now, today, I was in the car with my dad when the song comes on the radio. I recall the party and mention it to my dad. Then I tell him what Mrs Tanner said.

And he goes "oh, yeah, Mrs Smith absolutely had an affair, but not with the bishop. I can't remember his name, but it was definitely some other guy."

I'm hoping to push my dad's memory the next time I see him, because I need a conclusion to this story. At this point, though, I'm fucking elated. Mrs Smith affair confirmed. AND it's possible she had two affairs, because my dad wasn't in a position to know at the time of the Christmas party, but was closer to the bishopric years later, potentially when a second affair would have been revealed (I know it's a stretch, but it's certainly possible).

Anyway, I'll absolutely update if I get a name.

*names are obviously changed

#mine #exmo #apostake #exmormon #exlds #Santa Baby #Ward Christmas party

[godsporncollection]

Quick question- when you set a date to move in to a new apartment, does "move in date" mean the day you do the walk-through and note everything that needs to be fixed, or does it mean you've already done that at this point, and you're going to start physically moving your stuff in on that day?