hashirun

[hashirun]

4.20.24

[hashirun]

I’ve been here in Malaysia for close to four months now, and I’ve been studiously trying to learn the language because I feel that it adds depth and texture to how I perceive and experience my life here. Words give shape to thoughts and emotions, and whenever I am able to attach a Malay word to my thoughts and emotions, it somehow feels like I am experiencing them for the first time.

Whenever I look at the KL sunset I think, “That’s merah” - red. Whenever I eat something delicious, I think, “Sedap.” Whenever it’s hot outside, which is everyday, I think, “Panas.” 

When my family visited me here in KL last February, I took my brothers out to eat late dinner at a local restaurant. I was super proud of myself when I ordered food in Bahasa Malaysia. “Makan sini, dua ayam goreng, satu nasi goreng, satu nasi putih, satu mee goreng, tiga kopi.” My brothers were impressed, and I silently thanked my local friends for teaching me how to order the previous week. 

After my family went back to the Philippines, I came home from work one night and I thought “Saya penat dan sedih” - I am tired and lonely. “Sakit hati” - my heart ached. For my family, for my friends, for my dog. 

I learned that when speaking with friends, you refer to yourself as “aku” instead of “saya,” and to the other person as “kau” instead of “awak” because it’s more casual that way. “Saya” and “awak” are reserved for polite conversations, and of course I would take any chance I can to be impolite with friends. But when a local friend gifted me with baju kebaya, a traditional outfit in Malaysia and other Southeast Asian countries, for Hari Raya, “Saya terenstuh” - I was touched. I couldn’t bring myself to think “Aku tersentuh” because it felt rough, and the emotion that welled inside me that time was just so soft.

It hasn’t been easy for me living in a foreign country.  Being away from my family and everything I’ve known my whole life. And yet, “Aku rasa gembira” - I feel happy. I AM happy. Sini dan sekarang. Here and now. Sebab - because - for the first time in years, aku boleh rasa. Aku rasa hidup. I can feel. And I feel alive.  

I just need more words to describe this new way of life.

[hashirun]

I'm just glad i don't have to get drunk tonight.

[hashirun]

Oh yeah, it IS April

— Sylvia Plath, The Journals of Sylvia Plath

[text ID: Outside it is warm and blue and April.]

[hashirun]

Back here in tumblr for therapy, what do I do with these feelings? Char

[hashirun]

The longer I look, the harder it becomes to look away.

[hashirun]

unfolding into another spring

mahmood darwish, sylvia plath, v.e. schwab, ana mendieta

buy me a coffee

[hashirun]

Best squad

[hashirun]

My family visited me here in KL to celebrate Papa's birthday and my heart is so full right now. Sama na ako sa kanila pauwi sa Pinas char haha

[hashirun]

I’ve been here in KL for 3 weeks now — flew here on January 1 barely after the festivities ended and man starting a new year in a new country felt both surreal and symbolic for me. It’s been rough trying to get settled in but all in all I’m still glad and grateful to be here.

Andami kong kwento but I guess I’ll save those for future posts, just wanted to drop by and let my moots know I’m alive and well lol.

[hashirun]

Aaaaaahhh I already got my work visa 😱 I just sent it to HR and their partner agency in the Philippines as well.

All that’s left now is to wait for my flight details to be finalized.

For some twisted reason I secretly kept thinking that maybe my employment in KL won’t actually push through. That this is just a dream and that I will soon wake up from this. But with the approval of my work visa, shit just became real.

Mukhang tuloy na tuloy na talaga tayo.

Shit just became real, real quick.

[hashirun]

Finally got my employment pass, I’m now just waiting for my work visa. Ang weird lang because yung date issued ng employment pass ko eh December 12, 2023 pero kahapon lang sinend sa akin ng HR. Kung sinend nila agad sa akin yun and na-initiate right then and there yung processing ng work visa ko nasa KL na siguro ako this week and nakapag-start on my original start date which was December 18. Though okay na rin kasi sinabihan naman ako na na-move nga start date ko on January 8 and di pa rin talaga ako ready umalis. Truth is I’m actually getting cold feet but I know this is something I need to do for myself. I finally chose a path and I have to stick to it no matter what.

[hashirun]

I finished reading Where the Crawdads Sing just a little past midnight and now I can’t go to sleep because I can’t stop thinking about it.

Abandoned by her family, Kya has lived and survived alone in the marsh since she was young. Her solitary life is upended when she catches the attention of Tate, a kind young man who shares her love for the marsh, and later Chase, the town hot shot. When Chase is found dead in the marsh, Kya is arrested and put to trial for his murder.

Man I’m glad I chose this book as my year end read. Books like this remind me why I love reading: beautifully written and yet so easy to read. Kya is a heroine that you can’t help but root for, fall for. The marsh, with its flora and fauna, came alive through Delia Owens’s writing. The dialogues in the courthouse were compelling. I guess the only thing I didn’t like was how Kya’s encounters with men read like they were lifted straight from a romance pocket book, but I can live with that. The rest of the novel is just amazing.

#books #reading #literature

[hashirun]

Hey, HR here! Based on my own experience, It will depend on what kind of industry you are in. I worked in a food retail company, so if an applicant displays flu-like symptoms or has a higher-than-normal body temperature, the company doctor may request additional tests, particularly in light of our previous experience with the COVID-19 pandemic.

Hello! Thank you — I was able to have my medical earlier this week already, I declared I was sick the previous week na din for transparency's sake (both to the agency coordinating with the company that hired me and the clinic in charge of my PEME) pero they didn't ask me to do any additional tests naman na. I'm now just waiting for my employment pass so I can apply for my single entry work visa :)

#ask

[hashirun]

I don’t have any running events lined up anymore so I guess I can now turn my attention to reading for the remainder of December (at least during my free time). I bought a copy of Where the Crawdads Sing by Delia Owens at Fully Booked MOA.

#reading #books #literature

[hashirun]

I was considering running at the Makiling Challenge in UPLB this coming weekend but finally decided against it since I haven’t ran since the Asics Rock n Roll Running Series Manila, also kakagaling ko lang sa sakit and I still haven’t fully recovered. Anyway sinabi ko na rin naman na yung Asics na yung last run ko for the year so yep I guess okay na ako dun. Or???

The thing is I wanted to run in UPLB for purely sentimental reasons, but I did wonder if it’ll do me any good especially since I’ll be leaving and working abroad soon. Because the truth is, if there’s a time I can go back to, I’d go back to my UPLB days. Those days were full of heartbreak, of uncertainties, of failure, and yet those were the days I felt most alive. But is there any sense clinging to the past, trying to relive it, even, when I’m now rushing headlong to the future?

[hashirun]

Just a few life (err work) updates

I did my POEA e-registration earlier this week as well as my pre-employment orientation seminar with the Department of Migrant Workers.

I'm feeling somewhat well already (although I still got the sniffles) so I went ahead and had my pre-employment medical exam earlier today.

Coincidentally, the HR of the company that hired me reached out this afternoon to inform me that since my work permit hasn't been approved yet, they will move my start date to January 8, 2024.

However, I need to be in KL by January 4 for my HR intro and onboarding. At least I'm now sure that I can still also spend the new year with my family.

This still feels kinda surreal