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headakke · 4 days

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this morning I was 44.8kg idk how I feel? I’m very close to my gw but fisically I don’t feel like I weight this little, that’s a bit disappointing but ok

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headakke · 12 days

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some new rules for myself:

- no breakfast (just for this week rip)

- max 600 cals

- drink a lot of water, big cups of coffee and tea

- walk at least 10k a day

- go to the gym min 3 times a week

- not eating after dinner or lunch, if hungry go eat and apple or a carrot 🐇

- binge triggers: being alone at home/in the kitchen, do not start eating hundreds of vegetables if hungry because it never ends there, if angry or depressed go walk or deep dive into some artists/genres on spotify or on pinterest

- to avoid/limit many binge episodes —> try writing anywhere you want why you are about to eat that food and what you are feeling while eating it (I listened to a video about BED and the girl talking said that her therapist recommended this to her)

#i wanna be perfect #i wanna be sk1nn1 #i wanna lose weight #i wanna relapse so bad #starv1ng #th1gh g@p #th1nsp1ration #th1nspø #thinspø #tw ed but not sheeran

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headakke · 12 days

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Two days ago I weighed myself and I was 45.7 kg but I binged for two days so AS NOTHING EVER HAPPENED!! LETS START AGAIN 😄😄😄😄

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headakke · 17 days

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my dash is SO DRY lately soooo ->

REBLOG IF UR AN ACTIVE EDBLR BLOG AS OF: APRIL 2024

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headakke · 19 days

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I'm not going to become skinny if I keep eating like I'm fat

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headakke · 19 days

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Mid day today I weighted myself and I was 46.6 like what, after a binge of like 2k cals lol. I hate when the scale somehow goes down when it doesn’t have to. I even feel more and more fat that like a month ago, I literally use my old photos as thinspo. How is that possible if I’m visibly more fat.

#i wanna be perfect #i wanna be sk1nn1 #i wanna lose weight #i wanna relapse so bad #starv1ng #th1gh g@p #th1nsp1ration #th1nspø #thinspø #tw ed but not sheeran

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headakke · 25 days

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When I use models as th1nspos I feel like a young girl in the 90s/2000s with her cheap fashion magazines reading about all the fake model tips and shit and thats a vibe

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headakke · 25 days

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this is the type of skinny i will be.

setting the goalzz

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headakke · 25 days

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Today I binged again, and I binged a lot. I keep promising myself things and I wrote an entire post about HOW NOT TO BINGE and I’m the first one not respecting it. Nobody is forcing me to post this but I wanted to share it with anybody reading this. I feel like a failure but I want to think that this is only part of the process, just one step back. Its ok.

Tomorrow I will go to the gym, I will buy myself a thing I want, I will walk and enjoy my time. That’s it.

I think I will decrease my intake to 600kcal because I’m having too many unexpected events and eating too much, I tend to feel like a failure after and lose control. I have to go back on track and lose weight like I did in september/october. I have to reach 45 this month. Please I need encouragement 🙏🏻🙏🏻

How are yall doing? If you want to text me, I’m happy to get to know some of you, even if these are not the best circumstances <3

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headakke · 30 days

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2nd day binge free (I’m counting today because I will not do it :) ). I started puzzling and its so relaxing, highly recommend!! My screen time needs to be lowered 🫡

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headakke · 1 month

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The crazy thing is that the only thing that stopped me the last time (i reached my gw) and always stops me is people actually noticing my weight loss and complaing about it. Which is fair, totally, people are worried, but I wish they weren’t. I’m doing all this to see myself sick and to feel sick in some way. Not to be seen.

I think its totally a good thing for others around me, because I don’t want to be a burden or to be seen, but a really bad thing for me, because I just know, I know, that if I recover one day, I’ll do it for others to feel right. But I feel like I’ll continue suffering in a body I hate.

Maybe not, maybe I’ll feel better one day, and I really hope so. But I’m such a people pleaser its so hard.

I want to disappear and I never said something with so much honesty. This miserable disorder could be the only thing keeping me alive rn.

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headakke · 1 month

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my favourite safe, low cal meals/snacks as a vegan🐸 (please share yours!!!)

⁃ congee with 30g of rice + veggies/mushrooms + 250ml veg stock, let it cook for like 40mins and then let it sit a bit in the plate, like a porridge. You can add anything to this and switch ingredients.

⁃ seitan skewers —> seitan is SO SO high in protein and so good to me even raw lol, same with tofu.

⁃ block of silken tofu with teriyaki/soy sauce, spices and spring onion —> high in protein, in volume, super simple yet super good, to me its the equivalent of tartare

⁃ tofu scramble —> with the right ingredients and secrets, tofu can be 100% better than eggs. I always hated the texture. Btw I use a little bit of vegan butter, garlic, nutritional yeast, soy milk or melted miso paste, pepper, vegan grated parmesan if I have it and turmeric or saffron.

⁃ tofu with veggies —> I love using red pepper, zucchini, carrots, onion, maybe with origan, black pepper, thyme, curry or paprika

⁃ roasted sweet potato —> I could talk about sweet potato for days. She’s so good cooked in the oven with rosemary, salt, cinnamon, pepper, definitely a safe food.

⁃ soups and pureed soups (I love them with cabbage, pumpkin, mushrooms, i love miso soup, or soups with legumes in it) —> they can be under 100/80 cals and still slap, honestly my salvation when I want to stay under a cal limit or I already reached it but still have to eat something

⁃ hummus of any kind (I recently added sweet potato to it and it blends magically and adds so much volume and flavour!!)

⁃ big salads —> just this, any type. I love a salad with roasted veggies in it or beets and balsamic vinegar

⁃ pan-roasted red cabbage with cannellini dressing —> an easy cannellini puree with some miso paste to blend or some tahini, on top of one or two slices of cabbage cooked in a pan with some oil and maple syrup/marinate sauce

⁃ salted udon/rice noodles with veggies and soy sauce

⁃ ikea vegetable balls (🤤) in marinara sauce

⁃ any vegan burger which is always under 300 cals + some grilled or raw veggies

⁃ tortilla wrap with grilled veggies, tofu, any sauce you like or hummus

⁃ tomato pasta —> simple, lazy, its ok

⁃ chickpea salad with cherry tomatoes, lattuce, pickled onions and pesto tofu dressing

⁃ tortilla-pizza —> under 150 cals and perfect when craving pizza

⁃ chickpea farinata —> again, lazy recipe, so good and rich in protein

⁃ literally anything with rice paper, its so versatile, i love spring rolls

⁃ lentil ragú

⁃ ratatouille

⁃ spelt/orzo with anything, fresh with veggies or cooked in a pureed soup, to make it like a risotto

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headakke · 1 month

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4n4 tips to remind myself,

all the things that helped me losing weight and not binge.

- do NOT restrict too much if you know you tend to binge, it will only be worse —> I stayed on a 1000-1100 calorie intake and sometimes I even stayed under that easily by keeping myself busy/happy in some ways

- I personally hate waking up early in the morning because I binge mostly for breakfast, but I realized a good sleeping schedule is also important, so if I wake up early, I drink a big ass coffee with almond milk/eat something under 150 cals and GO OUT, like for a walk or anything.

- Lunch/dinner —> I try staying under 350, because I usually eat an apple/fruit after every meal and if I have a sweet treat under 50 cals, why not, I always let myself have it.

- I try (try) walking at least 10k steps everyday, not because it burns a significant amount of calories, but because its good for my mental health. When I stay at home being depressed and doing nothing, I usually look for dopamine in food until Im nauseous, like I did today!😋👌🏻 so yeah.

- Basically try not to have that restricting mindset all the time, try to by chill about food even if you are not, trick your mind, say yes to breakfast, lunch, dinners out with friends, maybe take initiative to be able to choose what to eat and plan your intake based on it, but even if you can’t, always be chill. You can go back on track all the next days or eating a LITTLE less. Its not that deep, your body will not change from that croissant or from that pasta you had that day, it will change if you restrict too much and than fall into a binge cycle for weeks. And its like a living hell.

- Live the moment as much as you can. Weight loss begin to work as soon as you start to see the first little results, you have to stay motivated, not stressing out constantly by planning everything and thinking about the things you will do within 3 months with your body. At least, this not works with me.

- do not weight yourself everyday, do not watch your body in the mirror every hour of the day, do not take too many photos. I mean, the temptation to do all of this is strong, but the weight varies enormously during the day, the way we see ourselves reflected is constantly distorted depending on how we feel and constantly seeking changes in all these forms is counterproductive. The real changes will be the ones that you see casually as the time passes and that you can physically feel on yourself. Don't be fooled and don't become crazy over all this fake shit. <3

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headakke · 1 month

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Ok Hi idk who is gonna read this but, since I’ve been binging so much this last weeks I need to come back on track, I have to go back to weighing 45.5 asap because now I think I weigh even more than 47.5 but I’m too scared to check 😊. I feel like shit, a big ass shit.

I don’t understand why in my periods of successful restricting I’m so chill about it and I feel like I can eat anything anytime I want, but as soon as I don’t feel ok, I start binging for days or weeks and thinking about food every single minute of my day. Help. I want my stability back. Even if its fake.

I made this blog because I had one some time ago but I got banned I think, so here I am, to keep myself accountable.

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