hopeintryingtimes

[hopeintryingtimes]

Folks have got to understand that they probably aren't messed up by some Secret Big Trauma that they just can't remember; but rather by a million tiny microtraumas that they do mostly remember but don't even register as traumatic because nobody actually understood that these things would cause trauma, much less stack on each other over the years.

[hopeintryingtimes]

I hit three months of being clean a few days ago!

#personal bones

[hopeintryingtimes]

Btw I got this tattoo a few days ago related to self harm. I was connected to that symbol (the alchemy symbol for blood) when I was deeply struggling with sh, and now it's here to support me. It's on my scarred arm, but the scars don't show in this pic. I feel like a warrior. Fuck yeah.

#personal bones #addiction #self harm #nssi #made of styrofoam #s3lf h4rm #self h@rm #slef harn #self harrrm

[hopeintryingtimes]

[hopeintryingtimes]

it’s okay to do things that make your symptoms worse (as long as you’ll stay safe)

every once in a while you need to eat something yummy. or go on a walk. or a trip to the zoo. take a hot shower. cry your eyes out. dance. listen to music. draw for way to long. write. laugh. sit in a cafe with a friend. paint your nails. dye your hair. go on a run. pet a cat

sometimes you need to do things that are cathartic or make yourself feel alive. sometimes you need the reminder of why you’re fighting so hard to stay alive

this is your reminder that just because it makes your symptoms worse, it isn’t always the wrong thing to do. there can be value in these actions

[hopeintryingtimes]

It's a lot healthier to go for a daily walk than to sign up for a gym membership you won't be using because you hate that kind of exercise. It's a lot healthier to eat a frozen meal than to skip a meal because you were too tired to cook something healthy. It's a lot healthier to take a quick shower than to procrastinate an elaborate routine for days. Don't aim so high that you won't be hitting anything!

[hopeintryingtimes]

Update (cw suicidality): The feelings didn't go away, I told my parents, they contacted the crisis help, and I talked with them. They can't do anything for me right now but I will contact my psychiatrist (or psychologist) tomorrow.

#personal bones

[hopeintryingtimes]

Feeling kind of suicidal today. I don't know what to do with this. This is new for me.

#cw suicidality #personal bones #I've had multiple moments when my depression was at its peak where I didn't feel like living was worth it but I never actually wanted to di #but this evening I'm really going through it for some reason. #the good moments are nice but there are so many more bad moments. and I can't see myself enduring endlessly #I guess I have to for now but eventually something will have to happen #either my life gets better or I end it. #I don't know if this suicidality is going to stick or if this is just a particularly bad moment I'm having #is feeling suicidal this distressing for others? I guess because this is new for me it hasn't become normal yet

[hopeintryingtimes]

"Nobody will notice this mistake you did" and "people are a lot more kinder and understanding than you expect them to be" are some of the most important things to remember. Kay?

[hopeintryingtimes]

I made a self harm discord! Join here

#discord server #self harm #nssi #self mutalition #made of styrofoam #slef harm #s3lf h4rm #slef harn #self h@rm

[hopeintryingtimes]

Some good news! I'm two months clean again, and my gp sent a letter to the gender clinic!

#personal bones

[hopeintryingtimes]

video I made!

[hopeintryingtimes]

The reason the work you’ve done on how you feel doesn’t seem like it’s working is because you need to do it until it works. It’s never been “this strategy will pull you up” it’s always been “here’s something you can do that will END with you getting out of that hole” the climbing still hurts and the being underground still hurts but that doesn’t mean it’s not working

[hopeintryingtimes]

So I relapsed yesterday. I was doing quite well for some weeks, had very little cravings and thoughts, and yesterday I got suddenly hit with a wave of cravings that wouldn't leave. And I couldn't hold myself back for long enough. Maybe I was out of practice with holding myself back, maybe because I hadn't had cravings that strong for a while it hit harder, maybe it was both. I thought I was done with self harm, but it seems I was mistaken. This addiction isn't going to leave any time soon.

#personal bones

[hopeintryingtimes]

I highly suggest for self harmers who are interested in lessening/getting rid of the urge to hurt yourself to look into getting pimozide. It has done wonders to get rid of most of my urges and thoughts, and while I still have a few here and there, it's so much less intense compared to the hours I spent every day thinking about it and fighting myself.

#addiction #self h@rm #self mutalition #selfharn #s3lf h@rm #s3lf h4rm #s3lf harm #made of styrofoam #slef harm #self harrrm #shblr #self harm #self h4rm

[hopeintryingtimes]

you’re going to love again, find a job again, create art again, do what you love again, feel powerful again. you’re going to be back on track. i don’t know when, but you are going to feel like yourself again, eventually. this isn’t the end. hang in there.

[hopeintryingtimes]

self-flagellation and self-bullying are all bad motivators for change BTW. it can be hard to escape from a spiral but genuinely u have to be nice to urself or nothing will change