illiterateauthor

[illiterateauthor]

“School has been canceled for the next three weeks...”

How innocent I was...

School has been canceled for the next three weeks (one of these is spring break, but still).

Day 1 and my brother and I almost killed each other over the proper way to make a baking soda and vinegar volcano.

This will be interesting.

[illiterateauthor]

I made a quiz, its 36 questions, and y’all, I play-tested this, I got feedback, I hyper-analyzed, its good. I wasn’t like, I was gonna just let hogwarts houses die but apparently y’all be like,,, not knowing what a slytherin or hufflepuff is no shade and if all these quizzes are gonna ask you this question anyways: this is it. Idiot tested. Idiot approved

take it here! or copy paste if you need to https://uquiz.com/oz0xOu

[illiterateauthor]

Alright I've got to much time on my hands. clearly the logical thing to do is write a musical. Stay tuned for updates.

#bored #coronavirus sucks #lets see how bad this is #gonna be a trainwreck #idk what im doing #seems fun but i have commitment issues so #we'll see #musical

[illiterateauthor]

everybody needs to read this

Farewell online privacy

[illiterateauthor]

Forgot it was Friday the 13th.

There’s an epidemic, the stock market is collapsing, climate has gone haywire and today is Friday the 13th. It’s a good day to stay at home

[illiterateauthor]

School has been canceled for the next three weeks (one of these is spring break, but still).

Day 1 and my brother and I almost killed each other over the proper way to make a baking soda and vinegar volcano.

This will be interesting.

[illiterateauthor]

Superman: Red Son (2020), dir. Sam Liu

[illiterateauthor]

Mammals both produce milk and have hair. Ergo, a coconut is a mammal.

[illiterateauthor]

Every single odd number has an “e” in it.

[illiterateauthor]

We are going to bake a rainbow cake!

[illiterateauthor]

Reblogging so I can find it again!

After your parents found out you are gay and kicked you out, the only place left for you to go was the magical forest. Write about your life.

[illiterateauthor]

“Why aren’t you running?”

After thirteen years, it wasn’t often someone stood near you for more than a few seconds. If they did, bad things began to happen: things broke, health suddenly took a turn for the worse, people got hurt. Since the first week of being ten, you had been shunned, and even those who welcomed you at first soon avoided you. Meals were left for you at the table, the house was clean, and technically, you were cared for. But you hadn’t touched another human in years, and you mental health was taking a beating.

Now this stranger shows up on your front lawn and there’s a crowd at the gate instead of the usual few gawkers. When you walked out the front door to get some fresh air, the sight stopped you. Didn’t they read the signs put up by government order? Even if they hadn’t, who didn’t know about the bad luck you brought everywhere? The question had just slipped out: if no one ever visited, what was the point of manners?

“I thought maybe we could help each other.”

“Don’t you know all I do is hurt people?”

The shy stranger on the lawn tenses, obviously uncomfortable.

That’s when you notice.

Nothing has happened yet.

No heart attack, no sink hole, no bolt of lightning.

Just a stranger in perfect health, no more than twenty feet away.

“Who are you?”

“Someone who is tired of my fans.” They gesture toward the gate. “I just want a chance at a normal life, and I had an idea.” They step closer. “What if we could cancel each other out?”

“What do you mean?” But it clicks before they explain.

“I give good luck, you give bad luck. Together, can we just...exist?”

You think for a minute. You haven’t blown them up yet. Maybe, just maybe, this has a chance.

“It’s worth a shot.”

You step off the porch.

You spread extreme bad luck everywhere you go, and have been shunned and mocked for something you cannot control. However, one day, you meet a particular person who seems to be immune to your curse.

#friends #lovers #you decide #just read it

[illiterateauthor]

If you ask your smart home device to encourage you, it can become quite the motivational speaker.

[illiterateauthor]

Helpful!

My ability to proofread increases by 1000% after I hit “Submit”.

[illiterateauthor]

I need this!

I love that you don't correct people thinking you are gay. Like you just roll with it. Or are you gay?

I have been straight for the last 22 years. But you know, there’s always tomorrow, amigo

[illiterateauthor]

If sunsets symbolize an end, and sunrises symbolize a beginning, what happens at night?

[illiterateauthor]

When you clench your sphincter muscles to hold in a fart you’re diverting all power to shields.