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I hate that I feel like I need a romantic partner in order to feel like I’m worthy of someone’s time and attention

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Eh, too defeated to write.

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I pushed away another one. Can’t seem to get anyone to stick around these days. It makes me wonder what’s wrong with me. Am I annoying? Do I talk too much? Am I too depressing? Not interesting? Do I talk too fast? Is it what I talk about? Am I just ugly? Is my mental illness too apparent? How can I fix it? How can I be better? How do I make myself lovable?

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I have never felt so alone in my entire life. I pray the universe sends me someone to alleviate the pain. Like an angel.

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I wish I had someone who made time for me.

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I wish I didn’t feel like such a burden to the people I love.

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I wish I had a friend I could talk to about anything.

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What if we all decided to live how we want with no explanation?

What if we all decided we no longer need each other’s approval and we seek it within ourselves?

What if we let go of the desire to be understood by others and we took time to understand ourselves?

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Those days when you wake up and you feel remnants from a past time. A smell, the temperature, the lighting, the feeling.

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I’ve built a wall around my heart and you’ve made me thicken the layer.

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“Ugh I need to go to bed. I get suicidal when I’m tired”

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The Dawn of the New Eon

It’s been foretold of the birth of the new age or rather the rekindling of what always was.

Mass human extinction. We will go out in a beautiful cosmic-lotus and the balance of light and the tree of life will be complete. Balance will once more be restored and all souls will be saved.

But this is not the ultimate. This is only the beginning of realigning and balance. Now we will move forward as we were always intended. This is when the journey actually begins.

#writing #acid lsd

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Hope 

I drew this comic in 2017. Now it’s more relevant than ever.

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I’m doing a book club with a friend of mine. Any book suggestions? Preferably something uplifting.

#books #book review #book club #bookworm #book suggestions #booklr

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On November 5, 1917, 100 years ago today, Wilfred Owen wrote a gorgeous love letter to fellow gay World War I poet Siegfried Sassoon. It continues to be one of my favorite love letters of all time.

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Entry No. 5

I want to go to sleep and never have to wake up again. Imagine it. To never have to wonder how you’re going to cope with existence at any given moment, ever again. I wish more than anything that it could all be over. I don’t care if there’s anything after. I’m not living for myself, I’m being dragged through this life and I surrender.

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Entry No. 4

Her words cut me deep. I began over analyzing my surroundings and relating them to myself, trying to piece some puzzle together that was never even meant to fit. Suddenly, all these things that I loved and I thought made up who I was, felt like they belonged to someone else. I was back to being a hallow, shameful shell.