johnystoo

[johnystoo]

[johnystoo]

I was so afraid of losing her. In the end, showing that is what drove her away. I'm not sure if it made me stronger or weaker. She was all I had back then.

[johnystoo]

Vincent Van Gogh, Still Life Vase with Irises, 1890

[johnystoo]

Flashlight - The Front Bottoms

[johnystoo]

Journal entry

She was the girl to whom I could talk to on the phone and tell her how she was sitting at any moment, and where she put her hands to cover her face when she laughed. I had memorized the tilt of her head when she saw me in the morning, and how it made her eyes shine in any light. The way she squinted when she knew something was wrong, focusing the light to see right through me. Scanning the cracks in my face and reading them like astrology signs in the sky. She wouldn't let me pass my problems or myself off as too small. She was the only person who thought I was cool, and she showed me off to her friends like she was proud of me. I'll never know how she knew when to bump my shoulder, or how I knew it meant she was glad that I was nearby. She would do that to remind me sometimes if her friends were taking over the conversations. Sometimes I would slip away without a word if I felt like I wasn't fitting in, trying to see if anyone would notice, or care. Sometimes she would run after me if she saw me walking away. I think it made her mad at first, until she realized why I was doing it. She understood me better than anyone else. I only ever told her I loved her after I knew she already knew. Not from gossip or hearsay, no: she was the first person I told. She was the first person I wanted to tell. I didn't have another friend I would talk to about that- that friend was her. The first person I'd tell anything. She was my best friend, even if I wasn't hers, and she knew I loved her because she could see it in my actions. Not because of romantic poems I wrote, but the late night conversations filled with wisdom and how proud I am of her. She knew I loved her because I did everything I could to make her happy. One time I walked ten miles to play Tom Petty songs and Wagon Wheel with her on guitar. She cut school because her boyfriend cheated on her again, so when the next bell rang I started walking. I bought her a pack of cigarettes and Oreos to cheer her up. She was trying to quit, but I knew this wasn't the week to start. I still think of her when I smell Marlborough Blacks. Her little brother came outside to see us and asked if I was the new "lucky guy" in her life. I just looked at my feet. All I could think was that I was so lucky to be her friend. The thought of being more than that to her was a fantasy in my mind. "James is just a friend." She said, defending me, and she appologized. She was the only person who called me James. I liked that. I loved her. She had to know by now. It was unspoken, but clear as the sparkle in her eyes. All I did was say it out loud, and it didn't change a thing until months later. After a while, the friendship broke. It was my fault, or hers. I think we both tried to claim the blame at one point or another, but maybe it was both us. She knew I'd always be there for her, and every now and then she would come back. Once, without talking for over a year, she called me and, after about an hour long conversation, she told me I was her best friend. I always wanted to be her best friend. She said the others left. I had left, too, but only physically. I moved halfway across the country to make sure I never bothered her again. I was always there for her, though, because sometimes she was there for me, and that was more than anyone else was. Years later, when the friendship was broken again, I tried to patch things up. Her favorite artist, Tom Petty, was coming to Saint Louis, so I called her and spent $750 on a round trip ticket and good seats for the show. A week before the show, she cancelled and wanted nothing to do with me. I couldn't find a single person to take the ticket and go with me. I sat with an empty seat next to me until a man moved up to get a better position. It should've been her sitting next to me, closing her eyes and singing "Free Fallin'", then turning to me and bumping my shoulder with one hand, covering her smile with the other. But instead, I sat alone. Tom Petty died a little while after the tour. She never got to see him live, and for me, that's the saddest part about that story. I told the two ladies beside me at the concert about her and one of them said if she had any sense, she'd come around. Enough sense, though? She knew me better than anyone. She had sensed everything about me and went running. If that's what happens when someone knows me better than I know myself, it's hard to believe that I'm a good person, and that's all I ever wanted to be.

[johnystoo]

Blue eyes, Blue butterflies And reflections Of the sky Red rose And sweet prose For the valentine I chose Join me for a dance That I may merely glance At sky blue eyes That make butterflies

#Poem #poetry #valentine's day #prose

[johnystoo]

[johnystoo]

This is a letter to the universe, God, or powers that be / To fate, the human consciousness, or in a word, me. / / I've been screaming in prayer / Looking for an answer / To truly anything / / But writings, meditations / Lead to exasperation / So if you're listening, / "Fuck you" / / I spend a lot of time with people I don't like / I spend a lot of time on my own. / Ever since you left, there's a fire in my chest, / Because you burnt down my home / / You were my only sunshine / Like winter in the day time / It's been a long night / / I guess I learned my lesson / Tell no one who I really am / My father got it right

#Poem #poetry #song #work in progress #the / means a line #two means two lines #Idk how to copy and paste right

[johnystoo]

EP Stream:

Boygenius - Boygenius EP

This EP was set for release on the 9th November 2018, but has arrived two weeks early. Boygenius are a super group of three American singer-songwriters, they are Phoebe Bridgers, Julien Baker, and Lucy Dacus.

EP Track list

Bite The Hand

Me & My Dog

Souvenir

Stay Down

Salt In The Wound

Ketchum, ID

[johnystoo]

12:18

[johnystoo]

[johnystoo]

I want to do this when I'm an old man.

Pixar Short - Geri’s Game (1998)

[johnystoo]

I am still convinced that this is the most beautiful couple of paragraphs to ever be written in all of literature.

[johnystoo]

Midwestern bees say "Ope"

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Maps - The Front Bottoms

[johnystoo]

Plot twist: they faked 9 months of pregnancy and doctor visits to make Holt believe they were plotting against eachother.

a concept: future jake and amy having a kid BUT amy goes into labour on halloween and jake has to figure out if amy is cheating him out of the heist or if he’s actually about to have a kid

[johnystoo]

Can we get Pattinson to record a movie commentary? Even if it's just the audio so it doesn't violate copyright at all? How much would it cost to make him watch it one more time?

The last Twilight movie comes out this month. It's time for a Robert Pattinson Tumblr roundup!

I think we should all celebrate by taking a moment to appreciate Robert Pattinson’s attitude and I’m laughing so much right now.

JUST ALL THAT HE IS.

I mean 

LOOK

Robert Pattinson’s ‘Twilight’ commentary.

I just

I’m going to miss this