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Do you know what ”being done” feels like?

It’s a silent place.

Fading voices that can’t be found.

It’s like watching the river, the current you can’t stop.

Watching a bird as it approaches its freedom.

Done as in just letting everything go. Anything, anyone. Facing the music. Releasing the wheel.

It is what I am right now and whether it’d be good or bad. I’d do it all again

[jrxx]

the urge of tears begin and then being pushed right back in by something you can’t even see.

should i take a shower or should i go sleep

even that cannot address the issues i have in deep

i have to wait for this thing pass again i am slowly losing myself like my identity is getting erased.

like this existence is just a phase of a broader reality

[jrxx]

(by reiner.hofer)

[jrxx]

In the past years I’ve been having a hard time with myself due to anxiety and depression yada yada.

Things that might actually help you out are atomic and you have to be focused and consistent in doing it. At first I am having a hard time calming myself down during panic attacks I hyperventilate, I breakdown like a crazy person you see in asylums. I basically want to get better and I am superficially somehow getting better.

I started talking to people more frequently. I quit reading, watching and bingeing on it for awhile, but not completely. I still watch or read (non-fiction) sometimes, but I don’t binge anymore. Thank Universe! Hehe. I started to choose living in reality.

But it wasn’t easy, I still had breakdowns during the process. I then noticed my movement, I realized I am a fast pacer. I move so fast, talk fast, I force myself to think fast. I usually multitask. I realized my frequency doesn’t make me efficient and productive anymore, it pressures my brain so much to fulfill things at my own standard and expectations. It’s self destructing. Someone reminded me of Newton’s theory of relativity. I read it again. And it make sense! That time is relative. There is no definite time. We create our time. Ever wonder why it feels like everything happens so fast when you do the same thing over and over again and time slows down in an opposite manner or when you’re paying attention to time itself. Anyway….

So I started practicing normalizing/balancing my pace. And I sometimes stop my time, not literally but I give myself a break. A complete break. So if you haven’t seen me online or reply, you don’t need my explanation. Lmao 🙌🏼 Because in reality, the world is going to function without me in it. My way may not work for everyone and their ways may not work for me. Either way, we have to allow people to support us BUT take all the help from ourselves, alone. After all, the road to self-improvement is infinite. Just walk on it.

So, stop. Perhaps for a moment.

We need a break 🤍

#selfawareness #self improvement #self care #frequency #anxiety #mental health

[jrxx]

in a pragmatic

level of uncertainty

try not

to dive in

for the shallows

are on the hunt

whilst meadow

casted from a far

blink, for

there’s to see

seek, so no

one bleeds

don’t dare

to speak

echos will turn

the weakest

to make the kill.

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Befalling night,

Chaotic thoughts.

Restless in every way,

Here I lay.

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“it took all of me to survive just a fraction of you.”

— - poem excerpt 

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“And all I loved, I loved alone.”

— Edgar Allan Poe (via bnmxfld)

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