jsvvu

[jsvvu]

Sweet Lies

“I’m not doing this to hurt you, it's for your own good you know that right '' he says, reaching his hand out to wipe your tears. Everytime this happens I sit back and take it, begging for forgiveness even. Maybe it’s a sad way to live loving someone even after you know what they do to you. “Yeah because telling me I'm an emotional obsessive bitch is doing something for me” I scoff a bit looking away from him, “god y/n you know how selfish you sound I mean c'mon you're just an insecure bitch” he uttered throwing my hand away from his.

I stayed quiet the rest of the ride home, maybe thinking twice on what he said, maybe wondering if he was right. Maybe along the ride even beating myself up about it a few times. We finally got home.

“Look i’m not gonna listen to you because i’m not interested, so get over it or leave” he propped a cigarette between his lips to light. I looked up at him with contemplation crossing my face, I never could bring myself to leave him and not think about him ever again.

He wasn’t always like this. He was nice to me, he would compliment me and affectionately tell me wonderful things about how much he wanted to live life with me. Maybe after a while of me saying the things that I said and doing the things that I did made him become so cruel, maybe I did this to him.

I walked past him and into the house saying nothing. I laid my stuff on the counter putting my face in my hands hiding the fact I was still so upset. He came in and leaned against the wall on his phone… again. I've caught him a couple times texting the same girl, it’s always others but never me. I couldn’t tell you that I've never not pretended to not notice these things and brush them off.

“You think I don’t know the type of fucking man you are?” I insist “God what type y/n?” he rubs his face in despair. “the type of guy who lies, who comes late to a date, YOU MADE, where were you?” i sigh “y/n do you know how crazy you sound I don’t know what you think you will resolve here because i did nothing” he says “YOU MET UP WITH HER, YOU LIED TO ME” I feel the tears come I asked him several times about this and he always refused me.

"I'm sorry, okay? Is that what you want to fucking hear? Honestly you can't blame me, your paranoia has been getting the best of you" he said annoyed

“Why do you do this? What did I do? Do you get a kick out of it, I would never treat you the way you do to me. Do you know how embarrassing it is trying to convince people you’re good for me and that you do treat me good by having to lie because I don't want people to see you badly” I say exhaustingly, letting out a sigh of relief and multiple tears.

“Oh? yeah and I assume that’s my fault of course it’s always about you y/n play the victim all you want but you can fucking leave nobodys forcing you, you do this to yourself” he raised his voice narrowing his eyes at me. There was a deafening silence between us, something I only seemed to care about something he didn't care about.

I took multiple breaths to come up with a response but nothing came up. I think we both knew that I lacked the ability to fend for myself, to have the courage and walk away.

“Do you want me to leave?” You say minutes later, he wouldn’t answer. I knew he wouldn't. He never does. He has a tendency to avoid things like this, it always irritates me.

“answer the question,” I said, my tears drying up. “y/n do you ever just listen to yourself just shut up” he mumbled “look if your gonna blame this shit on me just pack your fucking stuff and leave because you’re exhausting to listen too”.

I could come up with nothing, I was done. I finally had nothing left in me to argue or say, my throat was dried up from the constant back and forth. I let the tears build up in my eyes as I stared at the boy I once thought would never leave my side. Would never lie or hurt me intentionally.

You stand there observing his demeanor, it being clear he didn’t care, he didn’t love you no matter what you do. Despite everything you feel for him, maybe this was it, maybe I was done taking everything for him. I was done pretending to not notice everything I clearly did. All the deep flaws that were in our relationship, that was ruining our lives, our once loving relationship.

“I cannot believe I stayed this long for a piece of shit relationship” I let out with a humorless laugh. He swallows, observing what you might do “look y/n let’s just sleep it off ok?”

“You made me look at everything differently, made me think I was crazy because you weren’t being consistent.” I shake my head taking a step back from him. “You know I've done a lot of things wrong in life and having you be one of the biggest, changing everything for you. making you love me”

fearing what you might do, he breaths and says “y/n you don't make me do anything , I know i’ve been wrong but I do love you on my own”

“how can you say that when you do everything you do?” I explain. “I know, i know” he rubs his face not denying or avoiding the question. I scoff and walk across the hallway to where our shared bedroom is and pull out a bag and throw everything that is mine.

“how can you say that you’re the one that puts in everything when you’re giving up? So that's it? y/n stop and just listen” he scoffs watching you zip up your bag, never really processing the moment. He walks over to lean on the edge of the couch and puts his face in his hands. Everything we had ever gone through was done, I had every reason to leave but I let him bring me back everytime to a fantasy, to sweet lies and nothingness. I never once turned to look at him, I could feel his presence still there watching me as I packed everything from the bathroom into another bag, he said nothing once you passed by him to get to the bathroom. I could assume what his face looked like right about now. And it made me dread the moment I had to walk out the doors and not say anything. That’s what he deserved, sweet nothings.

He stayed silent processing everything, I want to leave him wondering what he did wrong like he did me all those times. I want to look at him and see nothing, not look for the truth in him, not anymore. All those times I spent memorizing his favorite things, his songs, the small things he would do and say, tried so hard to be everything he would like, for him to think I was enough. But I could never leave him wondering because he knows I was fed up for the same reasons he would always deny, he knew no matter what things he said or did right now it wouldn’t matter. In that moment his regret starts filling up letting him sink, realizing that someone who loved him too much doesn’t deserve the lies. Knowing next time he sees you, I'll be genuinely happy, maybe even get everything he never did, and they’ll think everything I say is exciting. He'll know that I'll never look at him for more than just a lesson, a bad experience, or a bad lie.

I know he is most ashamed of himself at this moment, he’s always been one to be perfect, to be able to control everything, to fix everything, he always pressured himself into everything.You could say that was one of his main flaws. He even is probably beating himself up for the fact that he couldn’t tell you why or for what reason he did this to you, and treated you this way. Knowing you would never talk as bad about him as he did you. Or make him sad on purpose like he did you always, maybe he’d even say that he never once showed you the real love you deserved or even showed out when you wanted him too. He knew he loved you, he just didn’t know why he did the things he did, maybe even convinced himself a few times that the things he did weren’t bad, he was just misunderstood. He’d probably simply call it selfish and that he took everything for granted that’s what he’d always call it. He’s probably even guessing every bad thing he’s ever done to you, feeling like he ruined everything good, how he made all your feelings and moments his own.

in the midst of you gathering everything, you could hear a sniffle come from him. something that made you halt your movements, something that maybe once or twice you’d dream he’d do. I think it took everything in you to not drop everything and tell him it was gonna be okay and that everything would work out and that you still loved him no matter what he did. You glanced for a moment to take in the sight that shocked you so much, he was hunched over at the edge of the couch looking down, his face still in his hands. It was agonizing seeing him like this. this is what you were waiting for a sign that he still cared that he still loved you or even just felt a little of sympathy. Down the line of the past year he got lost somewhere and got distant and maybe even once or twice lashed out badly at me.

Another sniffle came from him stopping you in your thoughts, this time you looked over to see his shoulders shake from the muffled sobs coming from him racking his whole body.

You kept a bad line from him in your head before tightening your grip on your suitcase and walking past him with your head down.

You feel a warm hand come out to grab you causing you to stop everything you were thinking about before. “Baby, please don’t leave me”.

He finally looked up at you with red eyes and tears down his face and neck, this was it you thought maybe everything would change from here.

you felt nauseous at the fact maybe he was bringing you back maybe he was sincere.

you chanted in your head for him to let you go so you could leave so you could not destroy everything for him again. you could feel everything you built yourself into everything you told yourself about deteriorating the second you thought about how much this might change everything. Everything was replaced with compassion and sensitivity, this made me feel that maybe I shouldn't give up on something I've put so much time into. He's helped you, you’ve helped him, this was for you guys. Everything you’ve ever done was for him; he loved you at one point more than he’d ever care to admit and he could always do it again.

you closed your eyes tightly hoping it would make you leave faster, hes tugging at you make your other hand fall loose from the handle and muffled sobs come from as he maneuvers your body closer to him, you let him do this because maybe a part of your still had hope maybe apart of him too. you had your body in between his legs, his head dug deep into your chest, his hand wrapping around you. “don’t leave me like this, I'm sorry I don't know what’s wrong” he begged again, holding a tighter grip on you like a kid to his mom.

After that I let out a tear fall down my cheek and as that one slipped many others followed not being able to hold back anymore. I let myself fall onto his lap wrapping my hand tightly around his neck and his around my waist. sobbing into each other. you didn’t say a single word letting his hand rub down your back comforting you.

you couldn’t find anything to say you just knew you fell back into his trap of sweet lies and nothingness. maybe things would change but you still pray for that day that you’d give your heart a break from this and maybe even have the courage to end it with him.

But for now despite your best interests, you let him pull you back in. How did we get here?

“I'm so sorry, i’m sorry” he mumbled into the crook on your neck. “Please stay with me, I don't want you to leave”

•

hi, so I got this idea from someone else I don’t remember who just know this isn’t my original Idea. I know I don’t use a specific name for the guy just take it as whoever you want to imagine it as.

#angst #fanfic #oneshot #y/n x oc #angst fanfic #toxic love #relationship #gaslighters #easily manipulated