keibordon
her little side of the world
"she dances to the songs in her head, speaks with the rhythm of her heart, and loves from the depths of her soul."
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2022 was a good year, at least from my little side of the world. No major breakdowns, positive thinking all through out, met a lot of great people, moved in our new home, also found our second home, built relationships, new role, new streams of income, focused on myself and what’s good for me, trusted the universe, grace took over. 2022 was a good year because I was present and I plan to stay the same way this 2023.
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Cheers to the days when you don’t feel like living but dragged yourself to live just a little - better than none at all.
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Found a new *expensive* hobby 📸
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There'll be a moment when you realise you're 27 when yesterday you were just 17; and you wouldn't be able to tell how a decade passed away and your life got divided into before and afters. The fury of youth will subdue and nothing will really change but everything will feel different when you look at old photographs and blurry videos taken on cheap mobile phones. Scents will remind you of childhood and certain friends you don't talk to anymore, hangouts will become reunions and mom's burnt pie will become the best food you ever had. And I know on some days you won't be able to show anything of those 10 years but I hope you remember to breathe, and let go of the knot in your chest. I hope you go out in the sun and live a little, because tomorrow is 37.
Edit- I added the visualizer for this piece on my YT, check it out here
-Ritika Jyala, excerpt from The Flesh I Burned
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I’d rather stay up all night holding your hand just to make sure you won’t scratch your head or remove the tube in your nose than to lie in my bed the whole night thinking of what ifs and what could have beens.
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This was minutes before we had to watch the nurses take you inside the operating room and leave everything up to faith. I remember how tight you were holding my hand like you’re reassuring me that everything’s going to be okay, that you’re going to be okay. I remember how you shed some tears when mama reassured you that you’re going to be okay, that we’ll all be waiting for you once the operation is done. I know how scared you were that night, I felt that. I was scared too. I was scared that no one’s going to fetch me anymore if anything bad happened to you, I was scared that no one’s going to ask me what I want to eat whenever I don’t go to work, I was scared that you won’t be home anymore. I was scared that I won’t be able to make it up to you.
And then, the scary thing happened.
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Was able to sleep last night and that’s a good thing but woke up today feeling hollow as ever.
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I tried to clean out some of your medical stuff today but had to return everything in that little box because every single thing reminds me of what we went through, what you went through. Maybe, now’s not the time and I don’t think I will ever have the courage to clean everything out.
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I sometimes dread going home because you’re never going to pick me up anymore. I always think of those days or nights that I get so pissed off because you’re too drunk or too lazy to pick me up when I asked you to. I also think of the days or nights when you’re just too sleepy or too tired yet still picked me up because I asked you to. I wish I can bring back those times.
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