knifekind

[knifekind]

This post was triggered by something that @roachpatrol​ said over here about the expectation for girls to be sweet and clean and harmless:

Holy shit, if I was eight years younger and wandering into fandom for the first time, I can guarantee that the culture right now would’ve fucked me up and ground me down and taken away all my healthy outlets.

Picture: you are a girl at the tender young age of mumbledyteen. Up until this point you have been taught that all dark thoughts are literally hand-delivered into your head by the devil, and that the only correct method of dealing with negativity is to ignore them and pray harder. Concentrate on what is good and righteous and pure to the exclusion of all else, this is how you be a good person.

You are also a fully-functioning human being, one who can feel stressed or lonely or angry or any number of bad things. Mostly, with emotions that are still working themselves out, you feel this rumbling, white-hot white noise under everything, all the time. Sometimes it rolls in like a thunderstorm and everything else gets drowned out, and sometimes it’s only quietly muttering in the distance. Either way it’s always there, and the sound shreds uncomfortably at the inside of your brain.

When you were younger, before you were in charge of your own media consumption, your brain would shred up a myriad of saccharine stories to try and match the noise of the shredder in your head. Bad things happening, people getting hurt, characters trapped in unhealthy relationships of all kinds.

Fanfiction, the product of a hundred thousand other mumbledyteens whose brains are all screaming the same way, makes something in your brain go ping. 

Unfortunately, if the planet had ever been united on any single message, it was probably that no matter how you feel: 1) your feelings weren’t unique 2) they didn’t matter 3) they didn’t matter because they weren’t unique, they were shared among millions of hysterical, worthless teenaged girls just like you.

Fandom was confirmation of the first, but (with some hiccups along the way) outright rejection of the last two. Fuck you, our feelings do matter, and this is a story just for us.

A disclaimer: these aren’t good stories, otherwise they wouldn’t have to be defended. Their flavor of topic is not within societally acceptable bounds. Fictional characters have sex and get tortured and raped and abused, but their screaming harmonizes with the pitch of the shredder when it’s burrowing deepest.

As a teenager I never thought that my feelings were important enough to deal with, but these stories let me look at them sideways. Audience catharsis is the whole point of tragedy, after all.

And hell, these days I’m a happy, healthy adult who barely even has the urge to go looking for whump fic when I’ve had a bad week. I’m not going to forget just how much bad stuff that fic helped me air out, though, not ever. (Not to mention that thanks to all of those abuse!fics, I can recognize an unhealthy relationship at 500 paces, even if the fictional abuse was depicted as something loving and romantic. Abusers in real life don’t go around with helpful warning tags on their sleeves anyway.)

But holy shit, can you imagine if I’d found fandom as it is today.

Yes, your church is right, your family is right. Horrible things in stories are only there because they were written by horrible people, and they’re only popular because horrible people read them. The very concepts they address corrupt everything they touch.

That shredder in your head, the one that takes innocent cartoons but then shits out sadness and mayhem? That’s disgusting, you’re disgusting. How dare you think about minors having underaged sex, you minor? How dare you consider another person getting hurt? Your feelings don’t matter, they aren’t unique, they’re shared with all kinds of worthless shitbags just like you.

Every ounce of what you read and write and enjoy is going to be weighed for sin and tested for purity. You know, just like the rest of your life, except this time there’s no deity who’s handing out second chances.

Maybe that’s what bothers me most about all of this. It’s the same petty fandom bullshit as always, but “you’re wrong for liking a ship because IT WILL NEVER BE CANON” is a hell of a lot easier to laugh off when you’re young than “you’re wrong for liking a ship because YOU’RE AN ABUSIVE PEDOPHILE AND IF SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS IT’S YOUR FAULT FOR PERPETUATING IT.”

My fault, my bad thoughts, no outlet for any of them. The message to repress all the bad things so I can look like a good person, but my brain is so full of unprocessed shit that it’s solidified. Nobody actually saved any real children, but my brain sure is getting a second dose of fucked-up.

Are the people getting attacked going to be okay, will they be able to go and address their braingremlins somewhere else? I’d also ask if the people doing the attacking are okay, with all of the denial and repression they must deal with, but it seems like they’ve got venting pretty well handled by taking it out on strangers. 

Hey, c’mon, calm down friends. I bet I’ve read a story that’s got a character screaming at just the same pitch you are.

It helps to read one of those and harmonize your voices, I promise.

#worth going back on tumblr for a hot minute to reblog this

[knifekind]

Most people I know had that one movie as a kid; that one movie that they would watch over and over and over to the resigned acceptance of their parents. I’ve always thought that movie says something about a person. What was your movie?

#KIKIS DELIVERY SERVICE AS FUCK #MY MOTHER REFUSES TO SEE IT EVER AGAIN (W ME AT AGE 21) #I CANT EVER GET ENOUGH OF THAT MOVIE #I HAVE IT ON DVD AND AS A .MVK FILE ON MY COMPUTER #JUST *RIPS OFF SHIRT* I LOVE KDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[knifekind]

Listen up, fives, a ten is speaking.

Scanlan (via incorrectcriticalrolequotes)

#critical role #hey now thats not cool #everyones like a solid 8 #(scanlan is like a good 12 tho)

[knifekind]

27 Powerful Images That Sum up How Smartphones Are Ruining Our Lives

[knifekind]

undeniable intricacies

Ten vignettes over the lifespan of Pike and Grog’s friendship.

i.

light

There’s light, and it’s curious.  Grog’s heard all of the cockamamie stories about the realms after death.  Mostly the Nine Hels, but he thinks if he was there the light would be red.  And this light is gold.

Lovely beautiful gold. Bright gold.  It’s almost… playful.

Grog blinks.  Colors swim around him; he spies movement at the corner of his eye and the beautiful golden light disappears.  He brings his hand up, trying to catch the last fragments of it.

“Oh!” a soft voice says, a little startled. “I’m sorry.”

Grog opens his eyes further. His eyes are blurry, but he catches sight of a tiny person scurrying to his side.  There’s a low scraping sound and then a gnome head pops up from beside the bed. “Hello,” she says gently. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“Are you… were you…?” Grog’s confused. “The light?”

The gnome’s little face breaks into a sunny smile, and it’s better than a spoken answer.  Of course she’s the light, Grog realizes.  He doesn’t know who she is, but her entire form seems to radiate the soft golden glow he saw upon waking.

She just nods and leans forward, her hands brushing over his forehead.  Instantly he feels calmer, lighter, freer.

“Yer magic,” he grunts. Goliaths don’t hold much stock in magic, at least not in his herd.

But your herd didn’t hold much stock in you either, a small voice in his head reminds him.  Look where that got you.

“You’re safe here,” the gnome says softly. “I promise.”

Something in her voice brings back memories of his last fight with the herd.  Of that small creature they’d demanded he kill.  Of how he couldn’t do it.  Of his herd turning on that small creature, then on him. “He ain’t dead, is he?”

He realizes he doesn’t even know its name.

“No,” she answers. “No, he’s not.  You saved him.”

She puts her hand in his. “And I’m very grateful to you for rescuing him.  You have done my family a great service.”

“Mmm,” Grog mumbles. Her face is getting blurry.

“But you were hurt badly,” the gnome goes on. “So rest.  And I’ll explain everything later.”

“Mm’kay,” Grog mutters, and he closes his eyes.

In the seconds before the haze of sleep steals over him, he sees that golden light again, surrounding his body, and he feels so… safe.

It’s a new feeling.

It’s weird how much he likes it.

Keep reading

#BODY CHECKS THE DOOR #I LOVE THIS FUCKING FANFIC!!!!!!!!!!!!! #I HAVENT CRIED AT FANFICTION IN A VERY LONG TIME BUT GODDAMNIT I CRIED AT THIS #10000000000/10 WOUD RECOMMEND TO EVERY PERSON IVE SEEN IN MY LIFE #CRITICAL ROLE

[knifekind]

Finn’s sexual awakening took place while he lived a crowded barracks amidst like a hundred other people, and Rey’s sexual awakening took place while she lived in an abandoned AT-AT miles away from anyone else, so Finn’s approach to masturbation is like “be still, be quiet, pretend you are still asleep and nothing is happening under this blanket, what could possibly be happening under this blanket? nothing because I’m asleep,” and Rey’s is like “time for screaming, it is scream time” 

Which means they first time they combine their mutual sexual experience, it just stops halfway through so they can both be like, “UMMM SO I’M HAVING A GREAT TIME BUT WHAT ARE YOU DOING”

#I DONT STAR WARS BUT THIS IS HILARIOUS

[knifekind]

@ anyone who tries to tell you theatre is easy

#like good quik change but. this is standard shit. #you actually had a TON of time for that qc hit me up when there are 4 gala dress quickchanges in 30 seconds #THAT WAS GYPSY #gypsy was the Worst production ive done i loathe that fucking show more than anything #theatre

[knifekind]

“Mom, people say that falling in love makes a girl beautiful. But does that mean she’ll stay grubby forever if she never loves anyone?“

Princess Jellyfish | Tsukimi Kurashita | Photographer

#ashley is a wonderful tsukimi!!!!! #i still need to watch kuragehime i still havent after all this time ug h

[knifekind]

ive yet to see an ao3-based hub for critical role fanfiction, on twitter or on tumblr. if there is one could someone forward me it, and if there isn’t how would people feel if i made one???

#critical role #bc theres a fanart hub on the geek and sundry website but i havent seen a fanfic hub #like granted im not on tumblr anymore but i feel like Every fandom deserves an ao3 fanfic hub #like forreal

[knifekind]

me to a stranger i just met at a party while im high

#drugs #GOD SAME

[knifekind]

#critical role #what the fuck #hes bara as fuck in this piece #i didnt know i would enjoy this what the FUCK

[knifekind]

Lady Kima of Vord by John Taylor

#critical role #mme lts

[knifekind]

dave. im done with just seeing it on my dash and not knowing wtf is going on. explain what "critical roll (?) " is to me pls

WELL

YOU SEE

LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT CRITICAL ROLE

critical role is a show hosted on geekandsundrys twitch every thursday. all of the episodes can be found on geekandsundrys website and almost 40 episodes can be found on youtube if you just search “critical role”

critical role is just. its a bunch of fucking nerds okay.

okay no for real, its a show where they play dungeons and dragons. all of the players are well known voice actors, which leads to very fun character interactions. 

said characters are… quite colorful

grand master dungeon master matthew mercer is merciless (mercerless, even) and every single one of his npcs have their own voices and mannerisms and i love every single one of them. such characters include viktor the black powder merchant, who is better experienced than explained

onto the characters!

vox machina is a rag tag group of mercenaries-turned-family and honestly thats my one fucking weakness. they care about each other so much it hurts my heart.

vax’ildan: a half-elf rogue with a foul mouth and a charming smile. hes the dad friend. he was raised by his mother along with his twin sister vex’ahlia until they were sent away to live with their disdainful father. the two ran away from their home and set out on the open road. “ An outsider since birth, Vax quickly learned to solve life’s challenges in his own particular way, often by sidestepping them entirely. And when his knack for circumventing adversity isn’t enough, the way of blades the elves schooled him in more than makes up the difference.” he’s also canonically bisexual and honestly… really cute.

vex’ahlia: a half-elf ranger and twin sister of vax’ildan. shes known for winking, haggling, and absolutely annihilating anything in her path. she also has an animal companion, a bear named trinket, who is adorable and gives expert massages. when she and her brother ran away, vax took to the cities and vex took the wilderness, honing her skills as a hunter. shes very deceptive and knows her way around people, and her and her brother are considered the unofficial leaders of vox machina. she is also canonically bisexual. i love her. 

pike trickfoot: ACTUAL GODDAMN ANGEL. gnome cleric and confirmed cinnamon roll. she serves sarenrae, the goddess of light, healing, and redemption. since she was young she was always good at healing, and studied magic until one day her great great grandfather was almost killed by a group of goliath barbarians. one of the goliaths took a stand and saved his life, and he himself was beaten, bloodied, and left for dead, abandoned by his herd. pike took him in and healed him. when he awoke, they became the best of friends. a few years later he would return the favor, and bring her back to life after she was killed in battle. “After being killed in battle, Pike felt angry. She wanted to be stronger, so that it would never happen again. She spent four months at sea, training with the men and women aboard a ship called The Broken Howl. Gripping her holy symbol in one hand, and her morningstar in the other, this time, Pike is ready.”

THIS IS GETTING LONG LET ME JUST 

grog strongjaw: goliath barbarian with two great loves in his life: combat, woman, and ale. (hes not… the smartest member of vox machina) “Easily the brains of the group, Grog is often consulted for his vast knowledge of shapes, colors, and shiny things. Also ale.” grog is a mess but hes honestly the source of so much in character humor and i fucking love him.

Percival Fredrickstein Von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III: just call him percy… please.... human gunslinger. he’s very diplomatic and charismatic, but hes also fucking ruthless, given his nickname is No Mercy Percy. his entire family was killed by two nobles, lord and lady briarwood, and he made a deal with a fucking smoke monster piece of shit to exact revenge on them.

keyleth: ACTUAL FUCKING PRINCESS. half-elf druid. shes an awkward sweetheart but it is unwise to underestimate her. she is powerful as fuck you do NOT want to fuck with her. born to the air tribe of the ashari people, keyleth was a prodigy raised with a love of nature. the headmaster of her tribe recognized her abilities and appointed her to succeed him as the next headmaster. right now, she is on a journey called the aramente, or noble odyssey. a journey every druid headmaster must take before they claim their title. “Part of the Aramente is proving yourself a strong warrior, a valiant protector, and a wise and compassionate leader. With this knowledge, one thought plays in repeat in her mind: is she even worthy?“ she also killed a child once. 

tiberius stormwind: unfortunately no longer a member of vox machina, tiberius was the partys dragonborn sorcerer. a scholar, a gentleman, a nerd, and… quite absentminded. he was on a journey to find arcane artifacts for his guild and continues to do so by himself. he also… he just.. always introduces himself to people. anyone. anything. he did it eight times in one episode. he has a wisdom of four let him live.

scanlan shorthalt: MY MAN. MY MAIN DUDE. hes a gnome bard and while he is almost always cracking jokes hes honestly had some of the most compelling moments… including something cough cough about a certain cough cough other bard cough cough cough. hes a lover first, performer second, and fighter distant third. hes also hopelessly in love with pike. “Count on Scanlan for a hearty laugh, a rollicking song, and a twinkle in his eye that melts hearts and makes the females swoon.”

AND THATS THE MAIN CAST

HAHAHA HAHA

if you dont want spoilers, start chronologically. watch the story of vox machina.

if you dont care about spoilers. just fuck around with@critrolestats and @vox-machina you’ll find a lot of #nice info. dick around in the wiki. watch compilation videos and read episode summaries. skip to the goodies. follow a lot of blogs. we’re really dedicated orz.

there is almost 230 HOURS worth of content you’ll need to soak up, and honestly, i still have a long way to go before i can happily say that i am 100% caught it.

it requires patience, it requires focus, it requires involvement, but dont be afraid to pace yourself. watch on your own time, man, and honestly, good luck. youll need it

YEAH

THATS CRITICAL ROLE

#critical role #I FUCKING LOVE CRITICAL ROLE #IF YOURE LOOKING FOR LIKE A NEW TV SHOW TO WATCH GO BITE A BULLET AND WATCH CR #ITS ALL ON YOUTUBE #PLS DO IT #its pretty much everything i write now its Unreal

[knifekind]

#GOT AN INTERVIEW TOMORROW AND SENT AN EMAIL FOR A GOOD GIG CMONE JELLYMAN

[knifekind]

#fuck yeah

[knifekind]

Mock-up of the mask for Percy de Rolo from #CriticalRole, designed by @AnemoneTea. Hopefully I'll have something nicer soon (and not made of foam), but for seven hours of work in three days I'm pretty happy!

#criticalrole

[knifekind]

when you accidentally take a two hour nap