kurairell

[kurairell]

"Just try and try, don't wait." Words that I kept hearing, repeating, sickening. As if like I haven't, as if like my heart wasn't shattered enough. Though my soul intact, my mind was already gone.

- Rell

[kurairell]

My Queen

Valkyrae and her beautiful mind.

Most people look up to someone who they think are almost perfect. Describing them as if they were Gods and Goddesses. I get them in a sense, I understood where they are coming from. I on the other hand, doesn’t look for perfection. I think for me, perfection is surreal. 

I’m not really a fan of streaming or watching people stream games since I tend to waste my time playing the games myself. Then my girlfriend since she loves watching vlogs and people stream, I tried it so I can relate to what she’s story telling me. 

That’s when I found Rae who is commonly known as ValkyRae, a gaming streamer. At first I thought she was really really loud. She’s chaotic and tends to have panic attacks. I never knew I find myself succumbing to this kind of entertainment. It was really fun watching her with her twin Sykkuno. (They’re not really related but they’re knows as the Infernal Twins for sharing the same braincell.)

As I get to know her more from watching her stream and from her sharing some of her personal life and her view about life. I find myself fascinated with this human being. She was flawed alright, she gets angry but she was truthful. She owns up to her mistakes, she values everyone yet she is so firm with her morals. This kind of thing is rare with people who are on the limelight. 

Most of the time, people who have the public attention tends to get careful on what they say or do. Because of toxic fans. Rae, she doesn't. She say what she wants, do what she wants, I see her grow to be a beautiful queen herself. Yeah, sometimes she receives backslash and she regrets them but that’s what good about her, she owns her mistakes. She doesn’t have a victim mentality. She say sorry on whatever mistakes have come across her way. 

She’s the most genuine, the most imperfectly perfect person I have known. She’s someone I admire to be, she makes me be firm on my morals as well. She inspires me to be just me.  Stay as the Queen you are, Rae. 

#valkyrae

[kurairell]

The K2 Romance

It took me 6 years to find out about this K-drama. It's not like I missed a lot, but I wished I knew about it at the time of its initial release so I could debate about the main pairings.

This is another 2nd lead syndrome as what people say. However, I don't agree with the majority who likes to ship the main male lead and the female 2nd lead. Just because the main female lead is a damsel in distress and annoyingly stubborn.

Viewers forgot that she's abducted and had all the right to be annoyingly stubborn and a pain in the ass because the girl deserved her frigging freedom.

Also, viewers can't see the cute moments between them two, for they believe that skinship is the only kind of romance that existed. But the ramen scene was one of the most subtle romantic gesture that defines how both of them need each other.

It's not like An-na was the only one who's in the receiving end of this romance. It's more on Je-ha's side. An-na makes him forget all the scary things, makes him forget all the bad, all the fire in his heart. An-na makes him feel bliss.

This is the same story between Katnis and Peeta. "That what I need to survive is not Gale's fire, kindled with rage and hatred. I have plenty of fire myself. What I need is the dandelion in the spring. The bright yellow that means rebirth instead of destruction. The promise that life can go on, no matter how bad our losses. That it can be good again. And only Peeta can give me that."

Just like Je-ha, he needed An-na more than Yoo-jin's fire.

#the k2 #kdrama #ji chang wook #im yoona

[kurairell]

Why Freen Sarocha?

Honestly, when I first found out about them, it was Becca that got my attention. I thought she was really cute and have this beauty just like british people. I didn't know she was half british by that time. I'm really a sucker for british beauty's just like Emma Watson, Keira Knightley, Emilia Clarke, and so on.

Finally, Gap got released, and Becca's acting felt natural. I really got impressed as episodes came out. She was really good, I thought to myself.

Then something changed, I'm not sure if I recall it right, I think it was episode 3 when "Khun Sam" Freen's character smiled. I actually laughed because she broke character as what I thought, but of course, it's part of the story, yet for me, it's amusing.

I got invested just focusing on her while the story goes by, and she really reels you in. Her stoic aura then to her shyness. Until you see her cry and break down. Don't get me wrong, Becca's acting when she cries will pull you back to her over and over again. There's just something with Freen's acting that makes you really feel how hard it is to compose yourself in a real-life scenario. It's as if like she's showing you your internal monolog but her in her outer demeanor.

So yeah, by that time, I'm already in love with her acting. It's flawed and mesmerizing at the same time. She was a breath of fresh air. Getting to know her outside Gap made me love her more. She's so funny and caring.

However, what made me really into her was her pain. The pain that she secretly carried all throughout her entire life. Thinking, this person who smiles so bright, whose laughter makes you laugh, have this kind of sadness.

I connected to her on such level. She was strong, she's kind and she's lovely. Her personality is so lovely. She was just any other human being, but she gave you courage. Her history gives you courage.

She was flawed, beautiful, and everything in between. That's why I root for her. That's why I wish her happiness. I want her to achieve genuine happiness.

She deserves all the happiness that this cruel world can offer.

#freen sarocha #srchafreen #freenbecky

[kurairell]

GAP: The Series S1 Honest Review

So GAP ended, and it's a mix of satisfaction and question marks. The series in general is a "Breath of Fresh Air" if we look at it as two innocent girls who tasted love for the first time. There is a subtle magic to it. It's comedic, entertaining, and hopeful.

If I review it storywise, I would categorize it as Plot Device, lots of Plot Holes, and Too fast-paced.

#1 Plot Device

My main concern here is one of the two main characters in the story. Mon. A two-dimensional character whose only role is to be a plot device for the other main character. Like I get it, why at first it is necessary for her to be a plot device, but the problem is her own character development. It's like you used her character but did not develop it enough to stand on her own.

There are a lot of chances for her to have a deeper understanding, like her getting abandoned by her father. Her worth, her sexuality, her being a fan girl. However, it felt like all of these got brushed off instantly. It never got too deep. I haven't read the book, so this review is solely on the TV series side.

#2 Plot Holes

We could agree on this. There are lots of plot holes and plot errors in this series. But I'm just gonna touch one major plot hole in this one.

The Company. This is the most important thing for Sam. It's her happiness. Yet it felt like as the story progressed, it never really mattered. Sam's goal to be free from her Grandma started with that, but it got tossed away when our plot device entered the scene. Isn't that why "Nita" existed 🤔 So the Company Plot could go on?

Most of the time, a writer sticks to something she/he starts. When Sam said, "The company is the only thing that makes me happy." And then suddenly changing to, "You're the only reason why I even come to work." I'm like, "What?" Isn't the "Company" supposed to be your everything as what you emphasize at the very beginning. It felt like you threw away everything, your hard work, your goal, and your freedom because you suddenly fell in love.

Okay, that is sweet but illogical.

Lastly, Too Fast-paced.

Don't get me wrong, I love stories that don't drag too much. This is why I got hooked by GAP at its 1st episode. There are no dull moments in GAP. But then, as the story progressed, lots of things were not addressed. However, I'll give this a pass since the whole franchise did not have enough budget. It's not even sponsored. I just need to mention it because they've been frustrating at times.

I think if they could have extended it for like 16 episodes, they could actually fix some of the plot errors aswell and could have touched Mon's character deeper.

Final thoughts: What really carried this TV series isn't the story itself. In general, it's just a simple story to follow, rich and poor falling in love.

The credit for this TV Series belongs to the whole team. 👏 Their Boss Saint who still took risk, their director, staff, cast and mainly Freen and Becky.

This whole thing got carried by Freen and Becky's Chemistry. The fact that they make your heart falter just by them staring at each other makes you wanna watch the series. This is something rare nowadays. Most of the time, the two main actors don't even have chemistry, and we root for the second lead.

I also wanna mention Nam and Mind for delivering good lines, I commend director A for also for these deliveries. Good Job. Kudos!

#gap the series #freenbecky

[kurairell]

How to Unship them? More like.. How to "not ship?"

For a couple of weeks now, I've been addicted to two individuals, Freen Sarocha and Becky Armstrong. It all started when I saw them on tiktok, and I immediately told myself that they frigging have undeniable chemistry. Then I found out that they're having an upcoming TV series. So when the series got out, I was correct that their chemistry is so good. After a couple of episodes, since I got bored waiting for the next one, I decided to watch their reaction video to their series. It's just them two on a couch, watching each episode for the first time. Am like, wait a minute, is there something going on between these two? Because there are moments like they're showing affections for each other, romantic one.

I got really curious, but skeptic since they're celebs. Everything can just be for fan service.

So I ended up checking out their IG, tiktok, and their old interviews. I became a frigging detective all of a sudden or more like a stalker.

As a writer, I kinda like observing people. It's a way for me to have a sense and understanding of what people feels and what makes them act the way they do. I also take notes of their behavior and if there is an underlying trauma.

After watching almost all of their lives, interviews, and what not.

I think I could say that there really is something going on between them, as far as my eyes and ears could dissect in my mind.

I'm so sure that Becca is in love with Freen. It's her eyes and smile that gives it away. The constant eye glances and smiles that you only give to someone you really really like. The only thing I'm not sure of is what kind of love it is?

Then we have Freen, who is so hard to read, but there is one takeaway why I think she's that kind of person. She mentioned something about her birthday, where she only celebrated it alone. Am like wondering how someone who has lots of friends and an extrovert could not invite someone to spend birthdays with. Then something like she hates cakes. Am like, "A childhood trauma perhaps?" I learned that she was raised by her single mom and not really mentioning her father. So there is that.

If I were to write their story, I would come up with this.

When they first met for work, Becca, the introverted shy person, got approached by Freen, the caring one(traumatic experience from childhood really makes you a caring person). Introvert people like people who make the 1st move. So Becca's first impression towards Freen started well. Freen's consistency on showing care, this kind of thing really grows on an introvert type of person. No wonder Becca got infatuated and eventually falls on a deep hole. So what about Freen? This kid Becca, a 20 years old studying law and psychology, for sure knows how to take good care of someone who has a traumatic childhood. Eventually, Freen opened up to her and trusted her. You fall for people you can trust.

So, seriously. Them falling in love with each other is not impossible. All cards are there.

It's really hard not to root for this kind of love. It's beautiful, innocent, and pure. Plus, they really look good together, and the chemistry is out of the roof.

#freenbecky #freen sarocha #becky armstrong

[kurairell]

LGBT peeps are humiliated and disrespected in many ways possible, the world doesn't seem to grow. Same derogatory remark, it feels like there is no hope to this world. The funny thing is when you show weakness they call you wimp. This world is too cruel indeed. You must be strong to survive it. 

Should I just burn them to the ground? They're wimps too and I am not the type to take revenge.

#lgbtq

[kurairell]

oregairu thoughts..

Hachiman and Yukino's sister wanted something Genuine. Hachiman though cannot grasp it as per his personality always contradicts with it. He's never been true about his feelings, he always put someone's feelings first. That's the kind of person Hachi is. Thus why Haruno(Yukino's sister) tramples his view in life because Haruno sees herself at Hachi. They are two peas in a pod. 

Something genuine as what the two always talk about is an honest and open relationship. It means that even if you hurt someone, you will be honest no matter what the consequence might be.

And us humans tend to bottle the pain, tend to take the pain so we could not cause pain to others. Sometimes lies because we are prideful, sometimes hide because we are scared to face reality in front of us, sometimes follow what is seen to be normal by the society, sometimes follow the trend even if we are not that kind of person in the first place, do stupid things we don't normally do just to not lose friends. We are so afraid of change. We always choose the easy way out. 

"Does something genuine really exist?" Haruno asked Hachiman.

It's the main thing in oregairu, it's not only Hachi's motto in life or wanting to have but finding something genuine was all along what all they wanted. 

Thus why Hachiman's confession is so satisfying. Because it is the most genuine thing he ever did for himself.

#hikigaya hachiman #haruno yukinoshita #episode 11 #oregairu

[kurairell]

A Letter From Me to You.

Each day that passes by I feel like I love you even deeper, the more I get to know you, the more I love, the more I spend time with you, the more I never want to let go. 

Is not even enough to express how much. It’s beyond that, I know now for sure. I’ve never loved anyone like this before, even for the one you are afraid of so much. It is bliss, tranquil, ocean wave at times.

Never will these hand of mine leave you, I won’t let that happen. I want to fight for this love, I will never give up even if the waves become more stronger, even if it feels like I could not take it anymore. I will stand in front of those waves and face them with all the love I could give you.

I could not thank you enough for all the love you are giving me, for the joy and the laughter. I don't think you could ever know just how truly special you are, that even on the darkest nights you are my brightest star.  You are an amazing person, and without you I don't know where I'd be. Having you in my life completes and fulfills every part of me.

I promise to always lift you up when you are feeling down. I promise to wipe your tears when you feel you need to cry. I promise to be your strength whenever you fall weak. I promise to always tell you what's real when you want to hear the truth. I promise to always cheer you up when you are down and blue. I promise to give you faith when you are feeling insecure. I promise to listen when you need to talk. I promise to always lend you my shoulder for when you need to cry. I promise to always hold you when you need someone. I promise to always care for you. Wherever you are, I promise to always be there. I promise to never hurt you and never break your heart. I can't promise you the world. I can't promise you the sky. I can't promise you that we will never fight. I can't promise you that I will never cry, But I can promise you that I will always be true to you, I promise that I will always love you more than anything, with all my heart. No matter what happens or what we go through.

I will love you until forever.

That's my promise to you!

#open letter #kurairell #love

[kurairell]

#ichiruki

[kurairell]

Kylo Ren + text posts

[kurairell]

#avicci #thenights

[kurairell]

#radwimps #weathering with you #is there still anything love can do? #kurairell

[kurairell]

#chord overstreet #hold on #kurairell

[kurairell]

GOT Ending Thoughts

I’m hesitant to watch it but told myself “Fuck it! Let’s watch the goddamn thing!” I’ve been spoiled about the ending but did not trust it since I thought it’s fake but I guess not. IT IS THE FUCKING ENDING! I am so disappointed in every way possible.

I’m not against Dany dying, I have known it might happen, Jon or Her dying. I am prepared but not this, not this way. It was too empty. It felt like I’ve watched a different show. Even if there’s a hint of her having this murderous intent. She is not her father. She is more than that. It seems like they all have forgotten and focused on the “Mad Queen” idea. Well, they did. I got so sad at Drogon’s part. It was so frigging sad. Like you wanna hug the poor dragon. 

I’m still sad about Drogon’s reaction. I wanna cray cray in a corner.

The rest of my thoughts? Got carried away by the winds of winter in my heart..

#got ending thoughts #gameofthrones

[kurairell]

#stonecold #demi lovato

[kurairell]

Loving Someone

Loving someone take courage. Even if we’re so scared we thrive to find one. They say that one who does not tell or speak of it are people who are cowards. I think otherwise, once you admit to yourself that you love a person then that is already courage. 

Why do some people keep it a secret anyway? Lots of reasons of course. Most of the time from the fear of rejection and some thinking they don’t deserve the person. 

It’s really hard to love someone or rather it is really hard to give yourself, all yours to someone else. Trusting them not to break your heart. Expecting to be loved back. Rejection is painful only at first and you move on immediately but keeping a relationship, well, that one is hard. 

Why do we want one anyway? Because even if loving someone is hard, it is also worth it. Loving someone is happiness in return. The feeling of wholeness, the feeling of not being alone in this scary world we live in.

It is true that we can live life alone but life alone, ain’t that lonely? Even if you say you are strong and you can live alone, we all want that one person to grow together with. To dedicate our life. Sometimes finding meaning to this life and realizing “Meeting you.”