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lexiloann95 · 3 years

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Our Story Ch.9

Tony had driven Paula to her hotel and she tried to pass the time by watching tv, and ordering room service, but Simon still hadn’t shown up. Tony had called her, to check on her a few hours later, but he still wasn’t back. It eventually got late and she fell asleep. She later woke up to the sound of the hotel door closing. She looked over at the alarm clock to see the time said 1:30 AM. She then heard a thud and Simons unhappy sigh “Stupid shoes” he said to himself, as he stumbled over Paula’s shoes she left by the door.. Paula reached for the lamp to turn it on as she sat up. “Simon? are you okay?” She asked still half asleep. “Sorry I didn’t mean to wake you up” he said as he stumbled to the bed. He took his shoes, pants and shirt off before he got in the bed and cuddled up to Paula. “You look beautiful” he said as he started to kiss her neck “Have you been drinking” she asked as she pulled away. “I had a few beers..” he said “Do you want to...” he asked as he tried to kiss her neck again “No, you’re drunk” Paula said as she pulled away. “Paula?” He asked. “What is it honey” she asked. “She’s gone isn’t she? My mothers dead..” Simon asked. Paula didn’t know how to respond. “Yes, she is. She didn’t make it. I’m so sorry honey.” she said. Simon started to cry. “I cant lose you too. I love you, and the baby too much. I don’t want you to leave me” he said. Paula wrapped her arm around him and held him close. “Shh, it’s okay. The baby and I are fine. You’re not going to lose us” She said calmly. She then put his hand on her belly as she held it there with hers. “Thats the baby moving, do you feel it?” she smiled.Simon rubbed her belly. “That’s amazing. I love you little one, I can’t wait to meet you” he said. Paula gave him a kiss on his forehead “Why don’t you get some rest, it’s been a long day” Paula said as she lied back down on her side. Simon lied down next to her and put his arm over her belly. “I love you” he whispered. “Mhmm, I love you too” she said as she closed her eyes.

The next morning

Paula slowly woke up to the sun coming through the drapes of the room. She slowly sat up, looking at the clock on the nightstand that said 9:30am. She couldn’t remember the last time she slept in that late, and she turned over to see Simon asleep, and she couldn’t help but notice how peaceful he looked. She then remembered everything that happened yesterday, and slowly got out of bed to let him sleep while she got ready. A few hours later, she was on the phone with her sister when she heard a nock at the door, knowing it was the room service she ordered. She gave the guy a generous tip, and went into the bedroom part of the room, to check on Simon, who was just waking up. He slowly sat up “You’re up, how are you feeling?” she said as she sat on the bed next to him. “My head is killing me...” he sighed as he rubbed his face. He then remembered everything that happened yesterday, and felt a few tears run down his cheek. Before he could say anything Paula pulled him into a hug. “It’s okay, it’s okay honey. Do you want to talk about it” she asked as she pulled away and cupped the side of his face with her hand. “I just...can’t believe she’s gone. She’s..she’s never going to get to meet the baby” Simon said “I know, im going to miss her too. She was the sweetest woman I’ve met. She would have loved her or him” Paula said softly, trying not to cry and it made Simon feel guilty for leaving her alone and how he treated her yesterday. “I know, and I just don’t know how to react to things like this, it just effects me so badly” He said. “It’s okay, I understand. I just wish you could have talked to your brother and I, instead of leaving us, and going to a bar” she said. Simon heard the hurt in her voice. “Im sorry, I promise I will make it up to you” he gave her a kiss on the cheek.

-Two months later

Paula was now 8 months pregnant. Simon was at a meeting for American Idol, and Paula was at home. Paula had fallen asleep in her room, while she was on her computer, doing work, when the thunder and lightening from the storm had woken her up. She slowly sat up, as she realized it wasn’t the thunder that had woken her up, but someone knocking at the door downstairs. As the knocking got louder, she reached for her phone that was on the nightstand, “dang it” she said to herself when she saw her phone was dead. She then heard the door open and close down stairs and she walked to the door of her room as she heard footsteps coming down the hall “Simon?” She called as she saw someone making their way to her room. She took a few steps back and froze when she saw who it was. “Jt? What..what are you doing here?” She said more timidly than she wanted to sound. “I’ve missed you too.” He said as he walked closer to her. “You’re pregnant?” He asked as he noticed her baby bump “It’s that British guy’s isn’t it?” He asked as he walked toward her, and Paula took another step back, and she felt her legs hit the side of her bed. She then got on the bed trying to get to the other side to get away from him, but her grabbed her before she could make it, pulling her over to him. He then got on top of her “Well, it’s been a while since we’ve done this..” Jt said as he pushed the oversized t shirt she was wearing up her leg. “You still feel just as good” he continued. “Jt..stop...not again” she said as she held back tears and tried to push him away, but he continued, and pulled his sweatpants down. “Please...just don’t hurt the baby” Paula said as tears fell down her face. ”Shh, shut up!” He hissed as he held her arm down, but she managed to push him away, and she got up and ran down the hallway. As she reached the stairs Jt grabbed her, and she fell down the stairs face first. Jt walked down the stairs and stood over her “Jt..you have to call someone..please...i fell on my stomach” she said as she felt tears run down her face. Then she heard the front door open. “Paula?” She heard Simons voice, and JT ran out of the kitchen door. Simon walked in and saw Paula crying at the bottom of the stairs and went up to her. “What happened? Are you okay?” He asked as he helped her sit up. “Jt..was here..he pushed me down the stairs.” Paula sobbed. “Where is he at, I swear if he touched you I-“Simon said as he stood up. “He...he ran out the kitchen door...I fell on my stomach down the stairs.” Paula sobbed. “It’s going to be okay, I’m here” Simon said as he gave her a kiss on top of her head. “The baby...Simon, what if something happened to the baby” Paula sobbed. “Here, let’s go to the hospital to make sure you and the baby are okay” he said as he helped her up.

At the hospital:

Paula was in the room with the doctor, while Simon was in the waiting room, since they wouldn’t let him come back. She was waiting anxiously as the doctor was giving her an ultrasound, but was quiet. “Is..the baby okay” she asked as she wiped a few tears away. “The baby’s heart rate is just a little higher than we would like, I’m going to give you something to help, but given how far along you are and your age, I would like you to be on bed rest for the next 2 weeks to prevent early labor. I would also like to see you again after, to check on the baby” The doctor said as she stood up and took her gloves off. “Now you said your husband wasn’t home when you fell down the stairs?” The doctor continued. “Yes, he was at work..Can I see him” Paula asked as she sat up and fixed her hospital gown they had her put on. “In just a minute” the doctor continued to ask her more questions. “Has he ever tried to push you down the stairs before? You know anything you say is between us here” the doctor said as she put her hand on Paula’s knee. “What? No, he would never do that, if it wasn’t for him; I probably wouldn’t have even been able to get to a phone” she answered. “Okay, I’ll have a nurse get him.I’ll be right back with the medicine to start it” She said as she she grabbed Paula’s chart and walked out of the room. A few minutes later a nurse walked Simon in the room, as she was sitting at the side of the bed. He saw her in the hospital gown and iv in her hand. When she saw him she quickly wiped her tears away, and Simon wrapped his arms around her as a few muffled sobs escaped. “The baby?” He asked nervously. “The baby’s okay, the heart rate is just a little high” she answered. Simon felt a few tears run down his cheek “I-I thought we lost her” he said as he nestled his face in her hair. Paula rubbed his back “Paula, I’m sorry I wasn’t there-“ he started “Sh, it’s okay. Honey it wasn’t your fault, we’re going to be ok” she said as she pulled away to give him a kiss on the cheek, cupping the side of his face with her hand. “Thank you” he said as he took her hand in his “You’re welcome...I love you” she said “No, I mean it. I never told you how much it means to me, you’ve done everything for me, and I know this pregnancy hasn’t been easy for you. You look beautiful” he said as he moved a stray piece of hair behind her ear, just as the doctor was walking in. “Alright, are you ready Paula?” She asked. Paula nodded “Now this medicine will make you a little tired, okay? Just rest as long as you need” the doctor said as she gave her the medicine through her iv.

Three weeks later:

Paula was now 9 months pregnant, and was due any day. She was doing better, and was excited to finally meet the baby. She was taking some time off of American Idol to have the baby, while Simon still worked. Paula had just gotten back from a walk around her neighborhood with her sister and mom, after they had lunch. She walked over to her fridge to get some water as she grabbed the counter with her hand as she wince over in pain. “Ah!” Her mom walked over to her “Honey why don’t you sit down, are you okay” she said as she helped Paula over to a chair. “Im fine, I’ve just been having these contractions for the past week now. Is that normal? And this pressure on my hips is so bad today.” Paula asked. “Yes, that probably just means the baby has dropped” her mom said

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lexiloann95 · 3 years

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someone like you..

{wrote a fanfic after ages, im rusty so its average}

‘I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited. but I couldn’t stay away, I couldn’t fight it I had hoped you’d see my face and that you’d be reminded that for me, it wasn’t over’

—

I opened the door to a drunk Simon.

For 6/7 years we hadn’t had a proper conversation and suddenly here he was, at my doorstep. How he got my address, I have no idea. I let him in and led him to the couch. He looked like he had just come from an event – I knew that AGT auditions had started, he must’ve come from there. His Tom Ford perfume brought back memories from what feels like a lifetime ago.

I gave him a cup of coffee and sat down next to him. As I sat down, I found myself shifting - aware that that spot next to him was no longer mine. He drank slowly and looked around my apartment, it was his first time here.

I didn’t know what to say. It was so like him to show up like this, well it was so like the old Simon, the Simon I once knew. I snapped out of my nostalgia as he put his cup on the table and started to lie down on the sofa, I suddenly realised that she must be wondering where he is.

‘Si, shouldn’t you go home? Lauren must be wondering where you are.’

‘She won’t be wondering’. He mumbled; it was barely audible but I was sure of what I heard.

It took a moment for me to register that he and Lauren may have broken up. Finally. Not finally. What am I thinking? What would happen to Eric? Surely Simon wouldn’t do that to him, that little boy means the world to him. All these years of knowing that he was going home to her and now here he is, in my house, falling asleep on my sofa once again causing a storm in my life.

The last time, he created a storm and left and now he’s creating a storm as he enters my life again. I realised that a part of me was happy that he was here, on my sofa.

It was not that we had completely not communicated in the past few years, well we hadn’t gone many to the same parties – if I knew there was even a possibility of him being at the same place as me, I wouldn’t go. Its how I’ve managed for the past few years. It sounds pathetic I know but it’s not that I completely stopped living my life – a lot has happened in my life. Both my parents passed away, I had barely started processing my mother’s death when my father passed away and since then my heart has been broken in a way that it’s never been broken before. I usually don’t let myself wallow but my friends advised me that I should take out the time to wallow.

I’ve had relationships here and there. John Caprio and I have been in touch, (Johnny) as I fondly call him. He is a total gentleman but I never deserved him. He was too good for me and if I told him to wait 5 or even 10 years, he would wait for me but it wouldn’t be fair on him. I was never really prepared for the kind of relationship he offered. John is a mature and solid man but I never felt quite solid with him.

I always felt solid with Simon, the 5 years we spent together – even if it was on and off, were honestly the best 5 years of my life. He was centred and affectionate both physically and emotionally, he knew that I didn’t like to be spoilt with materialistic items but made me feel like a princess anyway. I know that I was the only woman in his life that he willingly introduced to his family, we weren’t even official when he introduced me to his mother. Dare I say I was his mother’s favourite.

I moved to a new neighbourhood recently. After my father passed away, I thought a new home would give me the perspective I needed. I had gone on holiday but it hadn’t helped and instead of dealing with my emotions I decided to buy a new home. It’s not like me to splurge without really thinking about it but I didn’t want people to worry about me and buying a new home would make it seem like I’m doing okay.

Simon had come to the funeral of both my parents and both times he stayed till the end of the service. I still remember the hug he gave me at my father’s funeral. I remember melting into his chest, he smelt like the woody perfume he likes to wear when he gets tired of the orangey smelling one. From a distance, he had hovered around me. We didn’t talk about it but we both knew it wouldn’t have been appropriate if we interacted, I knew Lauren would’ve given him hell for coming to the funeral. I’ve never asked Simon if he told her our history but I’m pretty sure she knows, everyone knows, people I’ve never met know our history. Our pda was never for publicity - we never discussed that we would hold hands or kiss or cuddle when we went out to a show or to dinner and neither was there anyone else telling us to do so. He’s always been protective of me and I always reach out to him when I need someone to lean on. I just haven’t done it recently.

I’m not trying to be a saint with this ‘keeping distance’ thing, I’ve just been trying to do the right thing. Simon’s health and lifestyle has improved and I’m happy that it has. The past few years haven’t been easy for him either. I remember telling him some 10 years ago that he needed to give his health serious thought but I didn’t make that conversation as serious as I should have as I didn’t want to be harsh with him. Given his working hours, I didn’t want whatever hours he had with me to be tainted by conversations about health and calories.

The beautiful thing about us was that when we were together it was because we chose to be together. Not because we had to be. We both had an even playing ground. To set the record, Simon never cheated on me. After he let me go from x factor – which is a story for another time, I had ceased contact with him and didn’t want him to contact me unless I said so and it was during that time that he well, got another woman pregnant. Did I ever think or expect that to happen, no. Lauren getting pregnant and seeing him have the happy family that I always wanted with him hurt more then I explain. In a way it hurt like a death. I tried to seem as if it didn’t bother me by keeping busy – I went on tour and kept working but in reality, I worked so much because I didn’t want to have time left to think or feel anything. I made out enough time to be with my family and that was it.

Moving houses meant I met Tim. A tall stud of a gentleman who offered me a solid relationship that was tempting but he saw me and Simon together at my mother’s funeral and understood that I still had feelings for him. I could never really commit to anyone else after Si. As much as I tried I couldn’t and it would feel fake when I tried. With Simon I didn’t have to try so hard, it was just natural. Sure, I would make an effort for him but making an effort for Simon came easy and I know it came easy for him to make an effort for me. It was wholly organic. He was fire and I was ice.

‘You know how the time flies,

only yesterday was the time of our lives

we were born and raised in a summer haze

bound by the surprise of our glory days’

I came down to see Simon on the balcony, looking at the view. His coat neatly folded on the sofa, his once crisp white shirt now wrinkled with the sleeves rolled up. He seems to have washed up in the guest bathroom, typical of him to make himself at home without being given an invite. He looked sad and I wanted to go hug him from behind and comfort him, cup his scruffy face in my hands and tell him everything will be okay but I still wasn’t sure if it was my place. I need to ascertain what he remembered from last nite.

‘Hey you.’

‘Hey you too.’ He turned and smiled fondly at me but I could still see the sadness in his eyes.

‘Slept well?’

‘Like a log. Thanks for letting me crash here last night, I know it wasn’t right of me to show up the way I did, I didn’t realise I even showed up here..’

I smiled, nodded and looked into the distance, not wanting to say it was okay because I didn’t know if it was. ‘I’m just glad you weren’t driving.’

‘You have a nice place here, cosy but spacious. Very you’.

‘Thank you, I needed the change after dad passed away.’

‘How have you been doing?’

‘How have you been doing Simon?’ I said as gently as I could, I could tell from his body language that he’s broken and today he wasn’t trying to hide it with his usual energetic demeanour and egoic boosts.

He sighed. ‘I’m guessing I said something last night?’ He looked at me and it filled me up in such a strange yet familiar way that I had to look away. ‘What did I say?’

I took a sip of my coffee and gripped my cup a little harder. ‘You basically said Lauren wouldn’t be waiting for you at home.’

‘Ah.’ He looked down at his hands and clasped them together. He still hadn’t touched his coffee.

‘We don’t have to talk about it but I am worried about you.’ He looked at me, questioning me with his eyes. ‘It’s been a while since you’ve done something like this..shown up at my place unannounced. I didn’t mind it then but now things are different.’

‘How are they different? Things are the same now. I’m single again unsurprisingly.’

‘Eric..?’

‘With Lauren.’ He looked away when he said that but I saw the flash of disappointment in his eyes.

‘Are you okay?’

He sighed and took a sip of his coffee. ‘As fine as I can be, I guess. I think you and I both know this was gonna happen. I tried, genuinely tried to make it work but I just never felt much for her. What I feel for Eric is true and real, he is everything to me but he happened suddenly, and what me and Lauren had was..well you know what it was. A one-night stand that I didn’t think much of, we barely kept in contact after that night. She regretted it and almost begged me not to tell her husband and I just went back to work.’

‘She’s the mother of your child’.

‘And I respect her for the mother that she is. She’s a brilliant mother to him and I will always be in Eric’s life – he’ll never have to worry about anything, I’ll always be his dad but the past few years have been tiring. I’m tired of putting up this act of a happy family when we were sleeping in different rooms for the past few years.’

I didn’t know how to respond and looked into the distance. He turned to me, leaning on the railing. ‘Won’t you say something Paula?’

I combed my hair with my fingers. ‘I don’t know what to say Si.’ I looked at him. ‘I – I’m sad for you, you know I always wanted you to have a family of your own.’

‘And maybe I always wanted to have a family with you.’

‘And you know I could never give you that.’

‘I want you to be in Eric’s life.’

‘As what Simon? As the woman you once used to work with and fired from your show because you didn’t have the guts to stand your ground and stick up for me or as the woman you left him and your mother for?’ It all came blurting out. I hadn’t even thought of saying it, and I instantly regretted saying it. I turned and started walking inside. I could hear him following me and heard him put the cup down on the counter. I pretended to be busy tidying up the kitchen though it was already spotless.

I gave up pretending to be busy and leaned on the counter. I sighed. ‘What do you want from me? Just tell me what you want Si. I know you’re hurting right now and I’m really sorry that you are but you can’t just rock up here and expect me to take care of you while you wallow. Its not my place anymore.’

‘I’ve made a lot of bad decisions in my life; you and I both know that. But there are two things I don’t regret, Eric and you, and our time together. Those 5 years we spent together as a couple and the 10 that we spent sitting next to each other on Idol were the best Goddamn years in my life and I have always regretted hurting you and not standing up for you. And I know no matter what I do, you won’t forgive me and neither can I undo the hurt I’ve done. I’m not sure what I want, Paula. I was upset and drunk and my house hasn’t felt like home in a really long time and the one person that feels like home is you.’

If he had said that to me 10 years ago, I would’ve kissed him straight away but I’m a different woman now. The pain he caused me has changed me.

‘What do you want Simon?’ I asked him again.

‘I don’t know. I guess I need to know if you’re still in my life.’

‘I’m here, where I’ve always been - at the fringes of your life when you’ve always been at the centre of mine even when I don’t feel comfortable with you being the centre. Every relationship I’ve had hasn’t worked because every guy I date just knows I still have feelings for you even after all these years. I gave you everything and you treated me like shit. You don’t own me.’

He looked surprised. Surprised that I could say something like that to him. I know he’s heard it from other women but I don’t think he ever expected to hear it from me.

‘Would you like me to leave’?

—

‘Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead…’

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