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Snapshot 3.5.20
some things that have happened:
- i have moved to la! hollywood, in fact. never imagined that i’d live here. i bought a car. i make car payments each month. it’s insane. trying to get a job and it is tough. fr. i didn’t think it’d be this tough :( i love living in la tho. it’s warm and the beach is beaautiful and there’re all sorts of ppl here (diversity!) and very creative. so many cool events and concerts (ex: jasiah, danger inc, baby keem, comethazine, iann dior).
- working on a personal creative project: phase00. hopefully more to come. more writing.
- i’m in love!!! i have the best bf in the world except he lives on the east coast but other than that. kind, silly, cute, stable, HOT, thoughtful, smart, supportive, n let’s me be myself, secure, sexy, tall, athletic, and most importantly, easy to be around! wonderful wonderful man who makes me smile. he’s gonna move to la in a year he says. fingers crossed!!!! if he doesnt move i guess we will have to break up?? i hope that doesnt happen. is he my future husband?? i hope so!
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Snapshot 3.19.19
I am in a good place i think.
- broke up w bf bc we were not compatible ultimately, and we were fighting all the time. it wasn’t good. still lots of love but that relationship needed to end.
- have been really trying to focus on things that bring me joy. this includes: hanging a lot w my friends, going on weekend trips to spend time w friends (DC, NYC, bos) esp while i’m still on the east coast, cooking food and buying it at restaurants i dont normally go to, getting know more ppl in a meaningful way, going out (!!) dancing (!!!!), laughing a lot, creating (a zine), planning a party, going to dance classes, taking advantage of all the opportunities coming my way, loving self
- things that have not been fun: moving and shit (but i think im finally settled so am happy w my situation), feeling like am never gonna find love again, losing weight then gaining it so am prob back where i started (140ish), not applying to jobsHA
- goals: be HONEST, create stuff, move my body regularly and reflect. and dance in every chance i get, be open to meaningful connections, make myself and those around me laugh
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Snapshot 3.6.18
Currently studying in the library rn for a midterm thurs. sorta surreal to be back here. taking microecon to ~learn~ lol. what’s new/on my mind ...
- still have job, although am losing motivation for it h e a v y rn. BUT ultimate goal is to be in management so good to have something to work toward. i think i’d be a good manager
- still w the bf who is still the loml and i am forever gr8ful that tinder brought him to me. he’s perfect. and kind and loves me and we fight alot but i think we’re getting better. it’s nice to have an ultimate best friend and confidant and sexy partner and i’m looking forward to having him for the rest of my life if i can help it. also we got through a pretty intense thing a couple weeks ago and he was the best during it. truly. could not have asked for better. thanking all the gods he is with me.
- i think i gained 5lbs since i last updated and then lost it +5lbs so now am the smallest i’ve been since 2014?¿¿¿ it’s weird. i feel good here. i wouldn’t mind losing 5 more but we’ll see. am still having some trouble stress eating so that’s not great, but at least i’m in a better place. been exercising 5x/week which is good.
- i am slowly getting better at loving myself. one day at a time homie
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9/17/17 - Snapshot II
it’s been a whiiile.
my life has changed so much:
- i have a job (!)
- i have a boyfriend who is also the love of my life incidentally (!!!!!)
- i have gained and lost ~12-15 lbs idk i’m not entirely sure about the numbers
- i have a master’s degree
ya those r the main things i can think of at the moment. i will try and add more detail later. i’m taking a class about Medicare data so this has been procrastination on an assignment for that. okay. trying to love myself. that’s all for now.
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4/20
Not high, but suuuuper tired. Brooklyn boy came for Spring Weekend. Whaaaat. It was nice to have him around, but he did kinda annoy me. He’s like a little kid. Idk I like him and then I dont. Overall happy that he came. He dresses sooo cool and is soo tall I love it. And he was really nice and affectionate--held my hand all the time. Lowkey like having a bf for the weekend. I could NOT hang of course, but still had a good time. Spent a lot of time w Melissa, Brit, Isa + mainly black ppl which was fun and diff. Also talked to Lily but that’s boring. Overall good weekend. Wish BB was smarter and closer to me but can’t have it all. I’m a mean person lol.
Got into MPA program so will be here in PVD next year yay. Still gotta find a roommate for our 3 person apt, but hopefully will find a third. Looks like it’ll be a lot of work, but I’m looking forward to going abroad (who knows where) for 2 weeks and also working for a real job thing, eek.
Life is so-so. I’m not super excited about anything (like I was for SW) but I’m not particularly down. I should probably work out more. OJA is going well!! We performed at the SPEC Carnival last Thursday and it was so fun. It went really well. I got sooooo nervous cause we had a 3 person dance. But overall nice. Dak cheered me on lol.
Ok-- am optimistic about future but not excited. Nothing to complain about tho!
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Snapshot into my life:
It’s March in my senior year in college. I don’t know what I’m doing after graduation. I’ve watched 2 or so seasons of One Tree Hill in the past week. I have two midterms this week, one of which was this morning, the other is a take-home exam due Friday (haven’t started). My good friend Julia is coming to visit me this weekend and I will take her to (my last) Gala, Brown’s main, annual formal, and show her around PVD. I lost my debit card last Thursday. I had my first 2 Oja African dance performances in the past 5 days. My littlest brother Odie dropped his first rap song bahaha and it’s not awful. He’s so old now. I applied to Brown’s 5th year MPA program. Crossed my fingers and all of my limbs and hope I’ll get in.
I’m single as a bee, but I talk to Brooklyn Boy everyday since the last weekend of January. My ex messaged me about Spring Weekend (we have dope ass headliners this year--Fetty Wap and Tinashe) a week ago. I think he has a gf, which I feel pretty neutral about surprisingly, since I am low-grade always annoyed at him (and probably should avoid speaking to him altogether). I toggle back and forth between desiring a companion and determined independence.
So there are some things. Not really sure what any of this means. I’m not really sure what I want or how to feel. This uncertainty is kind of a theme surrounding my life in general, as of late. I’ve adopted a wait-and-see outlook, but I’m feeling increasingly pressured to have a plan, or at least a semblance of one. I know I’m extremely privileged, and I love Brown and my life. Obviously there are things I can work on, like being more organized, more sensitive and losing weight. Well, let’s see how this goes.
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