lydia-too-late

[lydia-too-late]

How can I be more disciplined? I can’t seem to make myself do the things I know i need to do in order to move forward and to be better

It goes like this: Caffeine, b12, omega 3, pomodoro, modafinil, racetams, bromantane, amphetamine, methamphetamine, psilocybin, intermittent fasting, infrared sauna, ketogenic diet, cold exposure, cbd, meditation, validation-seeking, artificial deadlines, thc, habit formation, dopamine detox, manifestation, variable interval reward, looksmaxxing, betrayal, disillusionment, poetry about death, sigil magic, learning the rules, embracing the pain, absence of fear, final boss, rewriting the rules, confession, submission, sublimation

#productivity challenge

[lydia-too-late]

🩸​​🧛🏾‍♂️​ (link to retweet)

#iwtv #design

[lydia-too-late]

I have a secret for you: This does not end when you stop being a young adult.

Being a young adult is so strange. You enter a coffee shop. The 20 year old girl waiting behind you cried all night because she just came to a new city for university and she feels so alone. That 27 year old guy over there works a job he is overqualified for, he lives with his parents and wants to move out but doesn't know what to do about it. That one 24 year old dude already has a car, a house, and a job waiting for him once he graduates thanks to his dad's connections. The 26 year old barista couldn't complete his higher education because he has to work and take care of his family. The 28 year old girl sitting next to you has no friends to go out with so she is texting her mother. That couple (both 25 years old) are married and the girl is pregnant. The 29 year old writing something on her laptop has realized that she chose the wrong major so she is trying to start all over. We are not alone in this, but we are actually so alone. Do you feel me

[lydia-too-late]

It's about devotion and obsession. It's ALWAYS about devotion and obsession. And hunger. It's love with teeth.

#my writing #not my writing #OUR writing #self control

[lydia-too-late]

#tbh I hate having long nails always #but that's just annoying #rotten food though? genuine distress

[lydia-too-late]

performing an exorcism but i recite the lorem ipsum dolor sit amet placeholder text

#perfect

[lydia-too-late]

"I love you , I'm glad we're friends"

[lydia-too-late]

[lydia-too-late]

Where does this come from, you think? ADHD brains being perpetually dopamine deficient, I have to wonder if this is a result of constantly needing to seek out dopamine sources (whether that's positive stuff like accomplishments and relationships and exercise, or more problematic stuff like alcohol). Is the end result of accomplishing long-term goals just another short-term "okay for the moment" feeling? Are we unable to find real, lasting satisfaction because our brains return to their dopamine-deficient states pretty quickly?

people say folks with adhd struggle with "delayed rewards" aka long term goals and as such we tend to focus more on short term rewards. what they don't talk about is that at when we Do accomplish long term goals we don't actually feel anything proportionate to the amount of work we did to achieve it. In my head I suffered for a while and then money spontaneously appeared in my bank account.

#ADHD #adhd brain

[lydia-too-late]

Who gets lost in the retelling of a story? Oliver — look at him, even now, disfigured as he is — is certainly one unaccustomed to being forgotten. But Tula stares at him blankly, unblinking. In the narrative of memory, the poor boy had been cut, deemed superfluous to her personal mythology. Nothing of that night existed outside of Silk’s gravity. 

 "I remember you. I mean — how could I forget, you know?"

How could you forget. He would love you, serve you, make you happy; he would proffer his veins at the alter of your beastself — and for what? Long neck, pale wrist, pretty face: boys like that always did pursue her, their curiosity piqued by her indifference. (Dangerous, she learned quickly. It was the absence that seduced them; they saw only her lack of interest when others came so easily.) But Oliver, she remembers now, promised so much so quickly, love-addled by her teeth. How could you forget him: the mangle of his face in Silk’s wake, the screams smothered by penetrative bass. And yet you did.

(from Self Control, co-written with @silkenred)

#sorry to all the NPCs who have to deal with us #poor Oliver #Tula #Silk #my writing #vtm

[lydia-too-late]

do you ever think about how sometimes it just... takes one random message? and suddenly you find yourself with a best friend or in constant conversation with someone who lives on the other side of the world but is just as much of a freak as you are or maybe you find yourself in love with someone without a last name but with so much kindness and affection in their words and presence. crazy how life and love and friendship just happen

#I think about this a lot

[lydia-too-late]

I just had to look up "girly" because I couldn't remember if it was -ie or -y (it's both), and this definition just... made me sad.

#language stuff

[lydia-too-late]

Hi there! Wanna know what kinda place you've stumbled into?

I'm a real, live human-person. She/her, early 40s, clinging to the shreds of my youth, doing well thanks, how are you?

I'm here for the writing and the vampires, mostly, but straying wildly off-topic is part of the fun. I'm fairly new to Vampire: the Masquerade and modern-day Tumblr, but for what I lack in experience, I make up in good intentions. (Building that road, brick by brick...)

In a past life, I was a literature teacher and photographer. Fascinated by most any art, creativity, expression. I'm late-diagnosed combined-type ADHD, very into exercise, and currently studying UX Design.

I often post my writing, much of it about an OC VtM character named Tula Redgrave, a Lasombra neonate and reluctant diablerista. You may find her here.

Otherwise, my tags are pretty much a shitshow. Good luck to both of us trying to find things.

#about

[lydia-too-late]

what’s your ‘thing’ as a friend. i don’t mean like ‘oh im the mom friend’ i mean like what’s the Thing where if one of your friends was looking for a specific interaction they’d message you first. personally i can always be relied upon to get hyped about bugs, literature, and cursed internet images.

#snake identification #who/whom #will discuss succession or below deck as long as you want #borrowing pens #hyper/girlie electronic music is that even a thing #cardio for dopamine

[lydia-too-late]

I still think that my favorite urban legend/folklore fact is that there are certain areas in New Orleans where you cannot get a taxi late at night not because it isn’t safe, but because taxi companies have had recurring problems of picking up ghosts in those areas who are not aware that they are dead and disappearing from the cab before reaching the destination and therefore stiffing the driver on the fare causing a loss for the company.

[lydia-too-late]

Tree roots following the pattern of concrete footpaths

[lydia-too-late]

"But where did it come from, this wanting disease? From how I got born, or the ones that made me, or the crowd I ran with later? Everybody warns about bad influences, but it's these things already inside you that are going to take you down. The restlessness in your gut, like tomcats gone stupid with their blood feuds, prowling around in the moon-dead dark. The hopeless wishes that won't quit stalking you: some perfect words you think you could say to somebody to make them see you, and love you, and stay."

Demon Copperhead, Barbara Kingsolver

#demon copperhead #barbara kingsolver #quotes #the wanting disease