mine-inspiration
Be My Inspiration
Amanda. 21. Rock Hockey #42.
A24P. music lover. inspired by everything. <3
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I just tweeted it and I figure I should also post it here.
This website literally GRADES YOUR ESSAYS. You can choose your grade level, if you’re using American or British english, what type of paper it is (essay, short story, biography…), and it even checks for plagiarism. THEN once it’s grading your essay, it shows you grammatical errors, suggestions for better sentence structure, and a lot of other things. Reblog to save a life.
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I drive past the place that we used to hang out.
It just doesn't feel the same.
now that you're gone.
I picture us when we were in middle school
standing there.
cracking a joke.
to wonder if we could ever get that back.
to still be friends.
to tell our kids that that spot was the spot to hang out.
to remind ourselves of what it was to be a kid.
to have no cares in the world.
now it's all just a memory.
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For a friend.
Distance.
Seeing those texts you send.
I can feel your pain through those words.
I can tell you feel lost and that you need someone.
I won't say that I know what you're going through.
because truthfully I don't.
I couldn't even imagine what your going through.
I wish I could drive to your house.
give you a big hug and wipe those tears dripping down your face.
to make sure that you're okay.
to hold you and not say a word.
I promise not to let go until you want me to.
It will feel like you want to lie in bed.
not do anything
not want to see anyone.
not say word
which is fine
do what you have to do
give yourself a hug
close your eyes and imagine I was there giving you that hug back.
& have the hug that says "I'm here for you." without physically saying it.
Just because
I'm not there physically.
doesn't mean I'm not there in spirit.
I'm only a phone call away.
Don't ever be afraid to call.
I'll always answer.
no matter what.
The distance between us
will never get away of our friendship and our love.
because even if you don't think i'm there with you.
I am.
I love you.
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Look deep into my soul.
Look into my eyes
Look so deep you can see the inside of my soul
how I'm so..
lost,
broken
and hurt beyond belief.
making you wonder how does this girl stay so strong.
See a girl
who would never show you how she truly feels
because she doesn't want to lose the things that make her truly happy.
She doesn't want to be that girl
who gets judges from inside her soul.
it's not who she is.
but if you did look inside her soul.
you wouldn't believe that she is thinking those thoughts
that she does day in and day out.
you would see a whole other side of her.
that no one has ever known.
She never speaks a word of what's truly going on in her soul.
She just wants to be loved
so those feeling in her soul will go away.
not for just a week but forever.
So that just for once she doesn't have to worry
with all these questions,
"What's wrong with me?"
"Did he find someone better? Prettier?"
"Why did he have to leave?"
Just once.
she wants those thoughts to go away.
So she can be happy in whatever she does.
People say that your time will come and you will just know when you meet the one.
but when will that be?
when I'm old and wrinkly.
will there ever be a time that I don't have to worry about getting my heart broken
because I hear the same line over and over
"I'm different from all of those other guys you've been with.."
It always turns out that they become just one of those other guys.
One of the other guys that my heart gets broken for,
a guy who I thought was different
Break me one more time and I will crack.
One thing I can't deal with is..
Another heartbreak.
So look deep into my eyes
See the world from my perspective
I guarantee you won't see me the same way you did before.
Trust me.
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Are you gonna kiss me or not?
When we first met.
There was something about you that made me think that we friends for a long time.
I didn't think it would be anything more.
Apart of me secretly wanted it to happen.
Whenever the time came.
Everytime I saw you I got the song, "Are you gonna kiss me or not?"
stuck in my head.
wondering when it was gonna happen....
or if it ever will.
We are getting to know each other.
and everytime I think about you...
I think "Why me? Out of all the girls he could have.Why me?"
Whenever I see you I get nervous,
scared,
happy,
anxious.
Wondering what you think about me.
Have you ever noticed I can't look you in the eyes.
unless... you're looking away.
It's just something about you.
that makes me what you that much more.
to cuddle with you.
to see you.
to lay next to you.
to look up at the stars with you.
Only time will tell to see if you feel the same way about me.
& so I can stop wondering...
Are you gonna kiss me or not?
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One of my inspirations.
Amanda Post. gahh. where to start.
When she was in 7th grade and I was a freshman she was one of the newer girls on my team. Since she had the same name as me I took her under my wing.
That season... her life changed. Something I never would have thought were to happen.
I started seeing less and less of Amanda. She was on injured reserve for a bit with a high ankle sprain but in November of 2006.. she got news that she had acute myeloid leukemia.
7th grade and she has to deal with this. When she was in the hospital I told her three things; that i would try to score as many goals and get all the assist I could for her. My other thing was I would try not to get into the penalty box as much as other seasons...
Well I scored 5 goals and many assist.. but I was number 2 in penalty minutes on the team and in the league. I felt like I let her down. We ended up winning the championships for both our leagues. Which she loved the medals.
She ended up writing a poem called "Not scared yet." Which I listen to whenever I need a pick me up or am just having one of those days that I just need a calming voice. She was never scared. She wanted to beat it. She's the reason why I still write my poems. She inspires me to do above and beyond.
Unfortunately she passed away my junior year of high school. I was heartbroken. I don't know how I made it through school that day. Amanda will always be with me from when I play hockey to the day I set my goal for relay for life. I will never let myself forget the wonderful memories we had.
You were one of my first hockey sisters. I hope that I made an impact on you as much as you did on me. My last season of college hockey is starting soon and I hope you, my aunt, my grandpa and others I've lost have front row seats to each game cheering me on. I love you Amanda Post.
"Strong outside. Weak putty inside."
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Can't think straight..
Thoughts
Thinking
Putting the words down on paper.
And saying them out loud.
Different.
I can put these words on this paper
Like nobody's business
But trying to speak them outloud.
It sounds weird...
Awkward
You can't feel the emotion
There's so much I wanted to say on that phone call..
I had it all planned out
On what I was gonna say.
You would have loved it.
I dialed your number
& got scared
Like a little child.
Phone rings...
Straight to voicemail
My thoughts go blank.
I couldn't imagine if you actually answered.
Mouth opened...
No words come out.
I have to say something...
"I love you" is the first thing to come to mind.
But I can't start off with that.
What would he think of me if I just blurted that out.
He'd probably think I was out of my mind.
Scared.
My heart feeling like it's gonna jump put of my chest.
I can hear it.
I let him listen to the waves crashing so it will help him relax.
I hope this will get easier.
Hang up the phone.
& everything comes back.
All the things i wanted to say.
He's got me head over heels
So bad I can't even think straight.
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Fall down 7 times. Get up 8.
One day...
That's all it takes.
For something small to happen..
Or something to make your world turn upside down.
No matter what
Keep your head up
Realize that..
You are stronger than you think.
Make people wonder how you stay so strong in every situation..
Even deep down inside you know your not.
You've been knocked down before
They want you to lay there...
But honey you're stronger than that.
You can do anything that you put your mind to.
Pick yourself up,
Dust yourself
And keep on going.
When you feel alone..
You're not.
There will always be someone
Somewhere
Wanting you to be great and cheering you on.
Even though you might not be able to hear them
They are there.
The punches will keep rolling.
They'll never stop
It's how you handle them
Lay there or get back up
It's your choice.
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Story left untold.
A simple poem.
Interpreted into a thousand ways
You may never know
Which way is right.
Like a fork in the road.
Which way to go?
Looking at them..
They look the same.
You just got to go with gut.
Pick one way
And go for it.
No one is stopping you.
You will never know
Until you try.
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5 hours away.
At times like these I really wish you were here.
Being 5 hours away sucks.
Sometimes I ask myself, " is this really worth it."
Not having you here to cuddle with me when I cant sleep.
But I just try to close my eyes & it takes me back
To the day I left school.
& how I told you I didn't want to leave you.
I miss your hugs.
I miss hearing your voice.
I miss laying right next to you.
I miss kissing you.
I miss being happy.
I miss knowing that all my problems are gone because your there.
I miss everything about you.
When we see each other it will be all worth it.
Promise you never let go of my hugs.
Cause that's all I need right now.
You don't know how much you mean to mean.
How special,wanted & loved you make me feel.
Like no other feeling in the world.
Words can never describe it.
That I never want to lose.
So please don't let go.
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Long distance.
You're so far away
I wish I could
Wrap your arms around me
To keep me warm
To fall asleep in your arms.
Put your hand in mine
Let me know that
All my troubles are gone away.
No matter how far apart we are.
I could down the days
Until then
Wishing they would come faster.
& when it does come
I never want it to go away.
Yeah we can skype, call each other or text.
It's just not the same
As having you here with me.
It's like a part of me is missing.
Being so far away
You cant see all the butterflies
In my tummy every time
I see your name on my phone.
I miss you more than words
Will ever describe.
So come over and put your hand in mine.
And I promise I won't let go.
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normal...
I just wanna be a
Normal teenager
One that goes out
Hangs with friends all the time
I feel like
I'm in a box
With no windows or doors
So there's no way I can get out.
It's suffocating me
I'm all alone
In this box
I hate it
I can't do anything
Without being screamed at
I just wanna see my friends
Be able to hang out with them for the night
Without worrying
Compared to other teenagers
I don't do anything
I feel like a loser
With no friends
Because I'm stuck in this box
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Believe you.... oh no.
I try to believe you
I really do
But I've been hurt time after time
My heart can't handle it
Why should I trust you?
Your telling me the same thing
That I've heard
Over and over again
It replays in my mind
I could recite it back to you
I don't wanna keep doing it.
Step into my shoes
& see how it feels
To be left out in the cold
Not knowing what to do next
No direction
Like a lost puppy.
I try to believe you
But when you screw me over once
I dont give you a second chance
Once your done.
That's it.
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I wish you could see
How much your words hurt
You can't see
What there doing to me
Deep down inside
On the outside
They look like they don't hurt
But on the inside
I'm crying.
Why do you have to hurt me
Like this.
We all these hurtful words
How would you feel if I did that to you.
Im not your punching bag.
Just because somethings
Going on with you.
I try to brush it off
But it's to a point
Where I can't anymore
Your pushing me farther away
Is this really wanted?
Fine I'm gone and
Not coming back.
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Lost for words.
I'm lost for words
I try to speak
But nothing comes out
Or maybe
I don't know what to say.
My brain is a blank canvas
Right now
And I wish I knew why
I wish I could tell you
How my heart feels
But its not that easy as saying it
I wish it was though.
It would make life so much easier.
Every time I try to talk to you
I feel like I'm talking to a brick wall
Not knowing what to say
Or even if you will speak.
How will I know what your thinking if you dont speak
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