muselixer
as it is written.
a musings/ask memes blog, as run by dust.
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dumb things my friends and I have said: 2024!
part one: january - march
apologies ahead of time for length!
feel free to change pronouns if need be.
warning for foul and dirty language, suggestiveness, and capslock-implied yelling :)
"I think [hometown] dirt would taste better than the dirt here because it contains a level of lead I've grown used to."
"Incorrect. I am not a mother fucker. I have never fucked a mother."
"Your authoritarianism is quite insatiable."
"He absolutely pulls his limbs off for funsies."
"There's a Pope in the road again!"
"Get a tramp stamp that says 'this is no place for a horse'."
"Have you perhaps considered experiencing natural sunlight? No I'm genuinely asking."
"Everybody wants to see Santa's cock and balls!"
"I think calling physical food in front of you "cuisine" is incorrect."
"Hey Google, unshit my jorts."
"DON'T MAKE ME WHIP OUT MY VAGINA HOLE."
"Ayo, what them balls do, king?"
"It goes hard in a hard way."
"THIS DUDE FARPIN' FOR TWENTY DOLLARS."
"I'll be there in Sprite."
"Get all this Jesus outta the way so I can eat my dinner!"
"With my luck, it could be raining titties, and I'd still look up and catch a dick."
"You must be smoking chicken fried dick if you think I give a chicken fried fuck."
"It is ready for gripping at all times. ...That's what she said!"
"I want that fucking twink in a blender."
"Aw hell nah, they used my boy as a plot device!"
"I meant, as to the condition of the Italian."
"Gimme some of that peepee in the mouth."
"Tell her that her son is cringe."
"A scallop is like a brother to me."
"I blame your astigmatism on your brother."
"She got a cooch like Grand Central Station."
"I BET YOUR PICKLES AREN'T EVEN CRISP."
"Yes, I am a little stupid. It's part of my charm."
"There's a specific kind of white boy that I would... you know."
"Man, don't do this to me. I'm gonna get sads in my ramen."
"Wow, okay, orphan. Who killed YOUR dad?"
"Hell yeah, let me power that rock, daddy."
"Keep sniffing me and I'll peg you."
"I'd get MY interior designed, if you know what I'm saying."
"I think I just get possessed by Chad the frat guy."
"He's what the color lime smells like."
"Can't hear you. Too busy barking."
"...I didn't wanna have to be homophobic today."
"Yehowdy, y'all should vote for me, Mayor Weenis."
"One man complained about the viagra commercial because he was having sex for five hours straight."
"I was busy fighting math."
"I am like a horse. I will not elaborate."
"PICK UP YOUR TITTIES BY YOUR BRA STRAPS."
"Sometimes I hate you and your stupid nipples."
"We have to do super-blow in the hospital."
"The highway to Hell has guard rails!"
#sentence starters#rp starters#ask meme#rp meme#rp prompts#(( this is almost two weeks late!! sorry!! bye!! ))
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dumb things my friends and I have said: 2023!
part four: october - december
apologies ahead of time for length!
feel free to change pronouns if need be.
warning for foul and dirty language, suggestiveness, and capslock-implied yelling :)
"There's a monster crab rave at the bottom of the express way."
"Sexual liberation leads to bondage."
"Oh, so when the flowers hear the bees, they cum a little bit in their jeans?"
"You're not allowed to milk me, dude."
"YOUR SOUL'S BEEN KILLERED!"
"I use Notepad for object permanence."
"I hope Walgreens didn't have anything you were looking for. Bitch."
"Forgot about touching grass. Eat it. Eat the grass. Fucking eat the grass."
"Should I fuck around, or do you think I'd find out?"
"I think the cat's gonna do some shit."
"WE NEED MORE SPEED! CUT OFF YOUR DICK!"
"Memories are stored in the tits."
"I'm watching the fruitiest movie known to man. Megamind."
"I pity-fuck the guy and then he learns fourth level spells!"
"It's a sacred dark art I like to call 'scaring the hoes'."
"That made my pussy drop."
"I can't think after I finish."
"Who would've thought my canon event would be cancer."
"Life is a tornado, and I'm a cow for comedic effect."
"Don't ask me, I didn't take one. Ask the one who bote into it."
"Wipeout feels like a liminal space."
"I'M SUCKING YOUR FEET."
"Quick. Get Weird Al on the horn."
"I got fucking thigh-gapped in ARMA."
"SLING HIM, BOYS."
"Wait, did the 'bruh' button come back? UGGHHHH."
"You're gonna look at a depressed millennial and tell me they're NOT gonna be interested in a dilf? You're wrong."
"Oh, yeah, let me just drink grog like a thirteenth century pirate."
"Okay. We now have cock back."
"Oh, look, the bottoms are in the voice chat together."
"If you die in Ohio you die in real life."
"You're not the community boyfriend. You're the community bottom."
"The Amazon parking lot is an outdoor liminal space."
"Dick come out frame sixteen. That shit retractable."
"GET SEPSIS BITCH, THEN WE'LL TALK."
"There can only be one wittle guy in this house. AND IT'S ME."
"I know you're staring at his hand. You sicko."
"So for New Year's, instead of getting drunk, I ate a whole tub of dairy and gassed my wife out of the bed."
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dumb things my friends and I have said: 2023!
part three: july - september
apologies ahead of time for length!
feel free to change pronouns if need be.
warning for foul and dirty language, and capslock-implied yelling :)
“They look like the bonk filter.”
“Yes, I will still have ass after surgery.”
“Bite my ass, meatbag.”
“Your college papers are like fairies, dude. They only exist if we believe.”
“So you got corn fungus from Instagram?”
“I am loathe to call him a himbo. Even himbos have emotional intelligence.”
“You’re telling me there’s EmineMpreg?”
“Me no need mind when me smash.”
“Hand it over... That thing... Your essential vitamins and minerals...”
“Gotta go to Chicago and beat up the homeless people on Saturday.”
“Bitch it’s genetic! So either you or your mom. Shut up.”
“Boba is stored in the balls.”
“Home is where the balls is.”
“RED BULL TASTES LIKE ASS! ...Guys I can’t fucking do this.”
“God lets me live because he’s afraid of confronting me directly.”
“They beat up Mr. Racist and then they checked his ID and his first name is ‘Stop Being’.”
“Autism planet. This is not an insult.”
“I called you an Ancient One. It was a compliment.”
“I’m having feelings right now and I gotta say, not for me I think.”
“Getting political in the shitpost server today.”
“His influence is beyond one man.”
“Oh! See, that, there! Who needs affection when I have blind hatred!”
“Ah, there he is... Footman.”
“So you can survive a fall from god knows how high, but check this out. I pull out a 9mm handgun.”
“Atoms never actually touch, they align. So no, your honor, I did not punch that child.”
“My heart just stopped and when it started again I cursed directly at God for allowing me to survive this.”
“No! I’m saving my body for microplastics!”
“If I add ‘Stairway to Heaven’ to the playlist is that based or cringe?”
“Aw hell nah, Death got the car door hands.”
“Understimulated and bored, about to start biting people.”
“Finally, the first gay person that knows how to drive.”
“There is nothing sacrosanct about bacon.”
“I saw Jesus on Labor Day weekend and all I got was this glizzy.”
“Oh, by the way, bombs dropped and now your poor ass has to go fight for the Brits.”
“As you all know, I’m about to be jail like nobody.”
“Sorry about the, uh... all of it. It’s the ketamine.”
“MOTHER FUCKER JUST FLIRTED WITH A TREE?”
“If I die of hypothermia today, just know it was self-inflicted.”
“On a real note, why do you want a porn ’stache?”
“Negroni. Spaggiato. With Progresso in it.”
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dumb things my friends and I have said: 2023!
part two: april - june
apologies ahead of time for length!
feel free to change pronouns if need be.
warning for foul and dirty language, and capslock-implied yelling :)
“Astral projecting your spirit into a cloud with your face on it isn't a good battle strategy.”
“His circulation is immaculate. Do you KNOW how fast his heart beats?”
“Wow. I did all of that for NINETY CENTS.”
“Live from a satellite orbiting his own ego...”
“If your personality can best be described as ‘cat’, you MAY be autistic.”
“I NEED TO FOCUS, YOU NASTY BITCH.”
“Actually, I’m just gonna aim a firecracker thru their window, that should get them to stop.”
“My brain decided to live la vida loca.”
“In a WalMart? Nah, same difference.”
“It’s a little treat for me, for being a good boy while I’m home alone.”
“I’m going to Willy Wonka this child.”
“If I die soon, just know I got air-striked.”
“I just wanna feel like a bad bitch again...”
“My auditory is so not processing that.”
“He eats the WHOLE fucking chin.”
“Who needs weed when my brain is fucking broken?”
“Your voice sounds like you need chapstick.”
“You ask a lot of questions, so I’m just staring.”
“He should shut his mouth before I Matrix it away from him.”
“Can’t I platonically give my bro a bath?”
“It makes me wish our walls were fat.”
“The thing about coffins is that you don’t have to experience being inside of one.”
“I have autism because I was a pothead in middle school.”
“You’re basically hot-boxing my cooch under there.”
“No sweetheart. Lola Bunny’s father Walter Bunny did not host Family Fued.”
“That shit gave me dinosaur arms.”
“He could’ve eaten her ass and she wouldn’t have noticed him there.”
“PUT ON PANTS, SIR. ...Well, I mean, okay. In public. Put on pants, in public.”
“DALE EARNHEART IS THE TAXI DRIVER?!”
“I need to say something mean to you and I don’t wanna say it.”
“How can he be homeless? He has a 3D printer.”
“I don’t think eating ass is kosher.”
“As it turns out, eating ass is indeed kosher. If anyone even cares.”
“I get it, okay? I get it. I do. But there are better ways to look like a drug addict.”
“I hope this isn’t a symptom of something I haven’t researched heavily.”
“TEKASHI SIXNINE MAKES GAY PORN?”
“Do I look submissive and beatable to you?”
“Dude, I swear to god, your mom. No, I’m serious. Listen to me. Your mother.”
“If you weren’t my friend, I would have picked you up and thrown you.”
“Hang on.” (takes out phone to send a text) “Yeah, they said those aren’t valid pronouns.”
“Who would pass up an opportunity to eat shit?”
“I like my men PATHETIC.”
“Can you tell I’m terminally online?”
“Binge watching this show would fix me. ...That’s a lie, it would destroy me.”
“Turn me into a mouse I’m begging you.”
“Crash Bandicoot lookin’ ass.”
“I’m not a stuffy! I move and I eat fruit snacks!”
“You’re delusional and deserve to be put down like a dog.”
“Imagine having a name. Couldn’t be me.”
“Have you ever heard of boogercore?”
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dumb things my friends and I have said: 2023!
part one: january - march
apologies ahead of time for length!
feel free to change pronouns if need be.
warning for foul and dirty language, and capslock-implied yelling :)
“Am I okay? Maybe. Probably not though.”
“Well she deserves to look old.”
“Got spotted throwing it back...”
“I have never wanted to be someone else as badly as I want to be that bitch.”
“Should I be the most vampiric person in the Petsmart today?”
“Accidentally became a femboy again.”
“Femboys are a dime a dozen and simultaneously so rare.”
“MOTHERFUCKER CAN YOU LOOK?”
“Ooh, look at me, I answered a fucking question.”
“This is only proving that I either have a hyperfixation or a problem.”
“Ugh, it smells like a bathroom in here.”
“He scarred those poor people for life, and he’s my idol.”
“That man has never shotgunned anything in his life.”
“Okay, so I didn’t realize how midnight it was.”
“My teeth feel like there’s an Apple airpod in my mouth.”
“We can only commit crimes Tuesday to Thursday, after hours.”
“Ahh, Cheez-Its. My one true love.”
“Grease Lightning thought automatic cars were cool.”
“I was having loud reactions in my home. That were not voluntary.”
“I feel like a Waffle House that closed due to weather.”
“My humor is that of a roach.”
“I would Toot Canal him so hard.”
“Eat shit, lint-licker.”
“We all know ‘draw background’ killed your grandma.”
“Lo and behold, guess what you did boy. You died.”
“That man read Fifty Shades of Gray and thought it was based on a true story.”
“The way my arm just bent is NOT fictitious.”
“The things I’d do to be in a microwave right now.”
“Actually, YOU should shoot MY ass― That was bad, I’m sorry.”
“It’s not ACTUALLY meth because what the fuck, but it’s like meth’s goody two shoes cousin.”
“I have no defense but I also have no shame.”
“Wait a minute, I want free money just for being gay.”
“I CAN PISS LSD?”
“I was less depressed, but significantly higher.”
“No no, you have my permission to call me a slur.”
“You have the reaction time of a sandal.”
“Sorry, you’re saying I can’t think catboys are hot?”
“I used to have a last name, but she took that in the divorce too.”
“Oh, HA, the AI called the wrong person a Jew!”
“I don’t even lose an hour of sleep, I lose an hour of being awake.”
“Those are my brain cells. They are dying.”
“Deadass built like a Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2 NPC.”
“I need to go home. I’m about to be so mean to an optician.”
“I need to eat my fucking keyboard, I’m so sick of these people.”
“The written language is a light switch and my ADHD is the Spongebob Nosferatu flickering the lights.”
“Violence isn’t an emotion, but it is now.”
“The worst part about dying is that I lost the spaghetti.”
“If it’s gay to be time-efficient, then I don’t wanna be straight.”
“I shat in it for flavor and then pissed to fill it up.”
“He got bitchified.”
“I’m ready to finally be a bitch.”
“Oh, so we’re seeing Star Wars characters now?”
“I wasn’t bullying you. You were just suffering in my regime.”
“Who needs art when I have infinite rizz?”
“He can’t tell you he likes you all the time? Lame.”
“Reason has left the chat.”
“Fuckin’ dump a gallon of bleach and ammonia into a toilet and just lock the doors.”
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𝑔𝑜𝑑, 𝑛𝑜!
𝐨𝐟 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞 𝐢 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐚 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝒃𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓!
𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒇𝒖𝒄𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒎𝒂𝒈𝒊𝒏𝒆?
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𝗂'𝗆 𝗇𝗈𝗍 𝖺 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑙 𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑠𝑜𝑛, 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧'𝐭 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐮𝐩
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𝑠𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑑 𝑚𝑒,
𝑠𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝑓𝑢𝑐𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑑 𝑚𝑒,
𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒇𝒖𝒄𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒅 𝒎𝒆,
𝒊 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒎 𝒕𝒐𝒐.
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ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑑𝑠 𝑡𝑜 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑛𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡 𝑠𝑘𝑦
𝐩𝐫𝐚𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐦𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐝𝐢𝐞
𝒃𝒆𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒊 𝒇𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒊𝒏 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒚𝒐𝒖
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𝑖 𝑑𝑜𝑛'𝑡 𝑖𝑛𝑣𝑖𝑡𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑒 ℎ𝑒𝑎𝑑 𝑟𝑢𝑠ℎ
𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒊𝒕 𝒇𝒐𝒍𝒍𝒐𝒘𝒔 𝒎𝒆
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𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐢'𝐦 𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐩 𝐨 𝐮 𝐧 𝐝 𝐢 𝐧 𝐠 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝
𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒌𝒊𝒕𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒇𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒓
𝑎𝑝𝑜𝑙𝑜𝑔𝑖𝑧𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑚𝑦 𝑙𝑖𝑓𝑒 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟𝑠
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𝑖 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑦 𝑑𝑜𝑛'𝑡 𝑐𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑘 𝑜𝑟 𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑠𝑎𝑦
𝐢'𝐦 𝐚 𝒄𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒆𝒓, 𝐢'𝐦 𝒎𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒈𝒏𝒂𝒏𝒕
𝒚𝒆𝒂𝒉, 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒂 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒚 𝒂𝒘𝒂𝒚
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𝐠𝐨𝐝 𝐦𝐚𝐝𝐞 𝐦𝐞 𝒇𝒂𝒎𝒐𝒖𝒔 '𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐢 𝐚𝐦 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝓯𝓪𝓿𝓸𝓻𝓲𝓽𝓮
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𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗈𝗇𝗅𝗒 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗍'𝗌 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝗂𝗌 𝙜𝙧𝙖𝙫𝙞𝙩𝙮
𝒖𝒑
𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐠𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐠𝐨
𝒅𝒐𝒘𝒏
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𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐢 𝐜𝐚𝐧'𝐭 𝐩𝐢𝐧 𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐥 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐧 𝐨𝐛𝐣𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐬
𝒃𝒐𝒕𝒕𝒐𝒎 𝒔𝒉𝒆𝒍𝒇 𝒆𝒓𝒐𝒕𝒊𝒄 𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒅𝒖𝒄𝒕𝒔 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐞
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𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘪 𝘴𝘢𝘺
“ 𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒑𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒆𝒅 𝒎𝒚 𝒘𝒉𝒐𝒍𝒆 𝒑𝒂𝒔𝒕 𝒅𝒐𝒘𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒅𝒓𝒂𝒊𝒏 ”
𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢 𝙨𝙚𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙙 𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙘𝙚 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘪 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦
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i will not apologize for the musings i just stuck in my q :P
however i will kick it down to one post a day instead of three (since it’s all one musician) for your convenience
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