mythologyfolklore

[mythologyfolklore]

Lĭ Jìng: I! AM! TALKING! Èrláng Shén: *stands up and towers over him* AND I'M NOT LISTENING!!!

#investiture of the gods #li jing #erlang shen #source: doctor who

[mythologyfolklore]

Sun Wukong: If I died, would you get married again?

Erlang Shen: That's a stupid question, I wouldn't let you die.

Sun Wukong: But what if it was out of your control, like I was run over by a chariot or fell ill or something?

Erlang Shen: I would march down into the deeps levels of the diyu and drag you back out.

Sun Wukong: What if I was at peace in the next reincarnation, and didn't want to come back?

Erlang Shen: I don't care what you want, you think I'm living without you? Are you crazy?

Sun Wukong: Awwwww. Wait, why did you just assume I'd end up deep in the diyu?

Erlang Shen: Have you met yourself? You're a heinous bastard and that's why I love you.

Silly arseholes in love.

#journey to the west #sun wukong #erlang shen #incorrect quotes

[mythologyfolklore]

Who else has been Nezhas clients when he's lawyering and why, wrong answers only(pwetty pwease)

I'm taking this way too seriously, but here it comes XD:

Erlang Shen - sued by the Pagoda-Bearing Heavenly King for property damage and violent assault

Nezha (representing himself) - property damage

Liu'er Mihou - identity theft and violent assault

Niu Mowang - disturbing the peace

Erlang Shen (again) - murder, drowned someone in the Jade Emperor's duck pond for cutting his hair

Xiaotian Quan - violent assault (and he'll do it again)

Tu'er Shen - public indecency (no regrets, lol)

Li Tieguai (one of the Eight Immortals) - misconduct

Laozi - unauthorised scientific experiments

and many more!

#chinese mythology #chinese folklore #journey to the west #nezha #erlang shen #liu'er mihou #bull demon king #xiaotian quan #tu'er shen #li tieguai #laozi

[mythologyfolklore]

*Sun Wukong and Nezha arguing*

Nezha: I DEFEND YOU IN COURT AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME??!!

Chenxiang: I’m sorry your what.

Nezha: YEAH IM HIS LAWYER AND THIS IS THE THANKS I GET??!!

Chenxiang: Lol you needed a lawyer?

Sun Wukong: OKAY FIRST OF ALL I DID NOT NEED YOU- but it was (mumbling) helpful at the time

Nezha: OH YEAH SURE!! Most ungrateful client in the universe I swear.

Nezha Is So Done - The Sequel.

#journey to the west #the lotus lantern #nezha #chenxiang #sun wukong #incorrect quotes

[mythologyfolklore]

Jinzha: Erlang, when you and Great Sage get married I get to be your best man.

Erlang Shen: Who said anything about us getting married?

Jinzha: *walking out of the room* Ha ha, good one!

Everybody knows, except for the future married couple.

The Jade Emperor and the Queen Mother of the West are betting.

Yue Xia Laoren and Tu'er Shen are also betting.

Guan Yin and Chang'e are waiting for the dummies to get their act together.

Erlang's sworn brothers and Sun Wukong's sworn brothers and former fellow pilgrims are debating, if either of them will wear a dress and if so, who.

Tripitaka and the fellow Pilgrims established, who's gonna be Wukong's best man by playing rock-paper-scissors.

Heavenly officials speculate about what kinky stuff Erlang and Wukong do in bed, not knowing that both are ace and just like to cuddle and hold hands.

The Celestials, who do know, are grossed out by just how vanilla they are.

Nezha is duking it out with Red Boy to try and establish, who's gonna be the ring bearer (red string bearer?).

Li Jing is hitting his head against a wall, because he's a homophobic dick.

The Buddha is just chilling and smiles every time someone asks him, when those two dorks will finally get married.

#chinese mythology #investiture of the gods #journey to the west #jinzha #erlang shen #incorrect quotes

[mythologyfolklore]

Li Jing, texting Nezha: answer your phone

Nezha, texting back: gimme a minute, I can't find my phone

Li Jing: ok

Li Jing: you're an awful child. You're killing me. You're killing your father, Nezha.

Nezha: *puts his phone down and goes to check on Erlang Shen*

Erlang Shen, while doing his morning exercises: Oh, good morning, kid! May your day not be filled with too much paperwork! :)

Nezha: *texts Li Jing* My dad is fine. You're just a drama king.

#investiture of the gods #li jing #nezha #erlang shen

[mythologyfolklore]

Nezha: I woke up and chose VIOLENCE. I WILL COMMIT ARSON AND BURN EVERYTHING TO THE GROUND!!! I AM ANGRY- Golden Cicada: Awwww, you’re so adorable! Give me a hug~ Nezha: Wh-What? nO, yOURE SUPPOSED TO BE SCARED OF ME! TREMBLE BEFORE MY WRATH- Erlang Shen, recording: This is so cute.

The first adults aside from his mother and master, who aren't terrified of him and his powers, and he doesn't know how to deal with it.

*2000 years later ...*

The Buddha of Sandalwood Merit, Golden Cicada's 10th reincarnation: I have founded the "Hugs for Nezha" commitee. It has six members right now, including myself. *points at Taiyi Zhenren, Erlang Shen, the Buddha Victorious in Strife, Liu Chenxiang & Guan Yin*

Buddha of Sandalwood Merit: These guys can't agree on anything, other than that Nezha deserves all the hugs. I'm so proud of myself for bringing them together. :)

#journey to the west #the lotus lantern #nezha #golden cicada #erlang shen #tripitaka #incorrect quotes

[mythologyfolklore]

*after Nézhā's resurrection and apotheosis* Lĭ Jìng: Your Honour, I hereby submit the following to the court: Lĭ Jìng: Tàiyĭ Zhēnrén, what the actual FUCK?

#investiture of the gods #li jing #incorrect quotes

[mythologyfolklore]

Nézhā: You gave me up, you let me down, you turned around, and deserted me. Lĭ Jìng: But did I make you cry? Nézhā: *cries on the spot* Lĭ Jìng: ...Shit. *Bonus* Tàiyĭ Zhēnrén, Èrláng Shén, Sūn Wùkōng and basically everyone, who loves Nézhā: *kick the door in and charge at Lĭ Jìng with battle cries*

#investiture of the gods #journey to the west #nezha #li jing #taiyi zhenren #erlang shen #sun wukong #incorrect quotes #li jing doesn't know just how much true family his hated son has

[mythologyfolklore]

Èrláng Shén: You need a hobby. Lĭ Jìng: I have a hobby! Èrláng Shén: Hitting Nézhā isn't a hobby!

#investiture of the gods #erlang shen #li jing #incorrect quotes #tw: child abuse #nezha deserves better #in this household we disrespect li jing

[mythologyfolklore]

Nézhā, holding up Sūn Wùkōng: Stinky. Golden Cicada: No! Don't be mean! Nézhā: Stinky bastard goblin. Golden Cicada: No! Èrláng, without looking up from the food he's cooking: Naughty monkey. Garbage ape. Golden Cicada: *distraught* NOOOOO!

#journey to the west #nezha #golden cicada #erlang shen #incorrect quotes

[mythologyfolklore]

Erlang Shen: Great Sage is attractive, I'll give him that.

Sanshengmu:

Erlang Shen: Disgustingly so, of course.

Sansheng Mu: ... Just admit you have the hots for him.

Erlang Shen: Excuse you???

Sansheng Mu: Hey, it's okay! I support you!

#the lotus lantern #journey to the west #erlang shen #sansheng mu #incorrect quotes

[mythologyfolklore]

Tàiyĭ Zhēnrén and Nézhā: *wreaking havoc and laughing maniacally* Èrláng Shén: Should I stop them ...? Èrláng Shén: *looks at the destroyed garden and Lĭ Jìng screaming his head off* Èrláng Shén: Nah.

#investiture of the gods #taiyi zhenren #nezha #erlang shen #incorrect quotes

[mythologyfolklore]

Erlang Shen: Ah, finally peace and quiet.

7 year old Chenxiang: A N A R C H Y ! ! !

Erlang Shen: *frustrated* Oh, godsdammit!

Chenxiang: VENGEANCE SHALL BE MINE!!!

about 8 years later ...

Erlang Shen: *just drinking tea and chilling*

15yo Chenxiang, with a huge axe: VENGEANCE IS MINE!!!

Erlang Shen, about to get axed by a teenager: ... *sighs* Alright, let's get this over with.

#the lotus lantern #erlang shen #chenxiang #incorrect quotes

[mythologyfolklore]

I altered my design for Golden Cicada a little bit. (I swear, drawing anthropomorphic insects is a nightmare, for what did I punish myself by designing them like this?!)

Okay, here some headcanons about GC. :)

They're an agender cicada spirit (they/them), who came to be sometime around 2400 BCE (about 400-300 years before the legendary Xia-dynasty) and cultivated under Yùdĭng Zhēnrén.

Soon after becoming a senior disciple, they encountered two small lost children and led them to Yùdĭng Zhēnrén, who took them in as disciples. Golden Cicada quickly took the children under their literal and metaphorical wings and struck a life-long friendship. These children later became Èrláng Shén and Sānshèng Mŭ.

More than a thousand years later, they were travelling the world and encountered the Buddha himself, which inspired them to convert to Buddhism and become his disciple.

Golden Cicada is mostly calm and kind-hearted, but sometimes a little manic. They'll yell "I'M A PACIFIST!", as they push someone down a flight of stairs for talking shit about their friends.

Golden Cicada has absolutely no self-control, when it comes to sweets. They often get scolded for eating sweets, that were meant for everyone (they don't mean to be selfish, they just can't help it). They also can't resist the occasional urge to sing at night.

Golden Cicada has the gift of precognition, but they share their knowledge so rarely, that it's unclear where the limitations of that gift lie.

Most of the time, Golden Cicada is as chill as Mt. Everest, but there are two things that can actually piss them off. One: you hurt their friends and/or talked shit about them. Two: their friends did something incredibly stupid and/or bad.

#journey to the west #golden cicada

[mythologyfolklore]

Happy Birthday! 🍰🎁🎂🎉👏 I'm glad you had a good day :)

Thank you. It was a great day. ^^

#me post

[mythologyfolklore]

Happy birthdy to me

Today is my birthday, I'm 29 years old and my mum came to visit earlier.

We chatted, had some tea and she helped me fix up a shelf.

It's a great day. :)

#me post