nicsalazar

[nicsalazar]

On Grief and Sisterhood|| Nicole & Luci

TIMING: December LOCATION: Felix and Milo's apartment PARTIES: @luci-in-the-stars & @nicsalazar SUMMARY: Nicole goes to return Milo's sketchbook and finds another  De La Vega sibling. CONTENT WARNING: Sibling Death tw , Pretty explicit depictions of grief as a heads up

Nicole drummed anxiously against the cover of the sketchbook she was carrying. More in anticipation of an inescapable social interaction than any real nerves bothering her. She knew it’d be alright. Her body just needed that reminder as well. She was simply returning a forgotten item. She had found it in their guest room a few days ago. And after confirming it indeed belonged to their last guest, Milo, Nicole wanted to personally ensure the notebook was safely back in the owner’s hands. It didn’t hurt that she wanted to check on the boy too. See if he was better than the last time she saw him. Something about birds and stones, she had always had a shitty understanding of sayings.

She jogged the final steps to his new apartment — his and… Felix’s, Nicole thought. Her memory never too sharp to recall people’s names. She only waited a few seconds after she softly rapped the door, no superhuman hearing needed to tell someone was getting up to answer. However, as the door opened and that same someone stood before her, she noticed it wasn’t Milo. Nor Felix, it seemed… though she could never be sure. People could be called anything, she had learned over the past few years. Fuck. Nicole should’ve texted the boy beforehand, right? She didn’t have time to beat herself up for missing such an obvious social cue, because a young girl was staring at her and she had to speak.  

“Oh— did… did I?” she frowned, eyes shifting around the place. Confirming she’d gotten the place right. “Milo lives here, right? I have…” Nicole showed the sketchbook, an awkward smile reaching her lips. “He left this at our place, when he stayed with us” She wasn’t blind, even if she was actively trying to make the least eye contact possible, she could see some resemblance between the kid staring at her and Milo. Curiosity gnawed at her. 

Luci felt odd in the apartment, while Felix and Milo hadn’t done anything but be welcoming - it didn't feel like a place she belonged. It was something she was partially used to at this point, a ghost in the room that didn’t feel designed to hold her. Still, it was a sort of disconnect she didn’t like to dwell on, carefully waiting for when she could move out. If only, so she wouldn’t catch the sad eyes from Milo that she couldn’t seem to place what they meant. 

So she tried to take up as little room, while trying to be as normal as possible a task she’d never been great at. Still, with projects and assignments piling up as well as work - she was at the very least looking busy. Right now she had a pile of papers that she was looking over and carefully marking as she heard a quiet knock at the door. Knowing she was alone in the apartment she went up to the door, her fun pen carefully going to her ear as she looked at the other curiously. Her normal bright colored clothes were a bit more relaxed, sweat pants and one of the university sweatshirts with Bessie on it clashing with the chain on her glasses. 

“Oh - Yes. He’s just not here right now. I’m his sister Luci,” She said with a nod knowing that the other woman must have been surprised by odd bits connecting as she figured it must either be Nicole or Leah. Milo had mentioned them, and Luci had been wondering about the two. “I can take it if you’d like, but I think he should be home soon if you wanted to say hi. I was about to put on some tea so it wouldn’t be a bother at all. ” Part of it was exactly what she said, she wanted Milo to be excited to see someone he knew. Still, part of her wanted to ask about what she knew about Milo the months Luci really didn’t talk to him. 

“His sister?” Nicole mumbled dumbly, offering a slow nod. There was another one. And— Fuck, she didn’t introduce herself, did she? She had been so worried, rehearsing what she’d say to Milo, how she’d approach the catching up situation, choosing the right questions to ask in order to sound concerned yet not nagging, that she hadn’t considered the possibility of somebody else answering the door. The back of her neck burned, and heat spread across her cheeks. What would she have said if it had been the other roommate, Felix, instead? She cringed thinking of how awkward that situation might have been.  “Shit— Uh, Nicole. I’m Nicole, kinda left that one out… didn’t I?” she let out a breath that was intended to be a laugh. “It’s good— nice to meet you,” she settled for, before she was offered to stay for a moment.

Extra time with a stranger. What was not to love? Despite her anxiety urging her to drop the notebook and bolt, Nicole considered the suggestion. Her grip on the item tightened protectively. Though she would never consider herself the best judge of character, right off the bat Luci seemed like a happy kid. Happier than Milo, at least, who could never wipe that hazy look behind his eyes. It was interesting to see how different grief looked on people, even from the same family. Though, if it was a front Luci put up, it was a fucking good one. She silently agreed to spend a few more minutes with her, making a mental note to check the time. Ten minutes, tops. If Milo didn’t show up, she’d leave the sketchbook with his sister. Catch up online or something. Good plan.

Holding the notebook close to her chest, Nicole paced around the apartment, wondering where to sit or— should she sit? She’d be given instructions, surely. She’d wait for those. Tea sounded nice too. Anyone who offered tea instead of coffee counted as good people in her book. Nicole watched the young girl prepare it, feeling herself get fidgety with the silence.  She didn’t want to pry, but wasn’t this a good opportunity for it? What would Leah do? Right. She’d be asking questions. They both worried about the boy, and his dead sister. And this young-looking one neither of them were aware of. How did that work? “You— When did you— You weren’t here before, were you? When he lived with us.” Why wouldn’t they live together if she was around? Just like they did now. Milo had mentioned running away. Did Luci follow? “I’m not—” she tried to amend her words, realizing it might come out as judgment. “He looked pretty lost when he came to our place. Trying to understand”.

“Yes. I’m his little sister,” Luci said lightly noticing her confusion and wondering if she shouldn’t have said that. Still, the confusion must have been the fact that she wasn’t Gen right?  Then she said her name and Luci couldn’t help but be a little confused why she wouldn’t know about her. Milo had said she had a room free and to reach out if she needed to right? She hadn’t, but that had implied that the two might know her. It didn’t last though, instead  she nodded and said, “My brother mentioned you. Thank you, for letting him stay with you.” 

Luci waited carefully not wanting to push the stranger to stay near her if she didn’t want too. It wasn’t something she wasn’t used to, after all she could be quite off putting in her own way. Still, she didn’t push letting Nicole settle as she walked in, carefully closing the door and not locking it. For some reason she thought the other would appreciate it. 

The question did surprise her and she stilled for a second feeling out of place in the apartment she shouldn’t be in, and a life path she was certain Milo hated. “Oh - um. No I wasn’t. When he came here I was still seventeen so I was at home. I was in my last year of highschool so I - well he didn’t ask or anything.” She didn’t comment on the fact that he left her, a bit of a cut she didn’t know how to deal with. “He uh, didn’t - I don’t think he realized I would follow him. I go to school here now.” 

It was somewhat a confession she wasn’t sure she liked. She’d never been one to give up on either of her siblings, even now Gen being gone wasn’t something that really truly settled into her bones. Still, her eyes flickered back to the other when Luci  said that Milo looked lost. Still, moving to the kitchen to put on a kettle if only to distract herself she breathed for a moment a second before coming back in. “Oh - you didn’t say if you wanted tea did you? I put on water anyway. Hope you don’t mind.” She didn’t comment on him looking lost, not knowing what she could tell the other. After all, she didn’t want to pry either. 

Nicole pressed her lips into a thin smile, part acknowledgment, and part uncertainty. She should mention that she had no clue Luci existed, no? Not in a rude way, but as a way to explain why she might look more confused than usual. Before she could bring up the fact that Milo hadn’t mentioned a second sister Luci said she knew of her, at least by virtue of allowing Milo a room to stay when he needed it. She let out some of her nerves, blowing out a tense breath. That felt better. “It’s what we do,” she shrugged off the thank you, allowing herself to step into the apartment more comfortably. “He was having a hard time at the shittiest motel in town. Hope you didn’t go there” She glanced down, habit she’d gained since living with two pets. Always on the lookout for things she might step on.  

The coast was clear, so she decided to sit on the couch, arms and legs tight, trying to take as little space as possible. Luci looked slightly startled by the question, and Nicole shot her a few quick glances, wondering whether to apologize or not. She went over her words — something that always proved difficult — trying to figure out where she might have gone wrong. It was the tone, wasn’t it? It sounded as judgy as she’d imagined it. She opened her mouth, apology on the tip of her tongue, but Luci spoke, offering a perfectly logical explanation for her initial absence. “I see. Congratulations on— good job, staying in school.” She was briefly pulled away from the conversation, unable to recall if Milo had ever mentioned his parents. Wouldn’t they be worried? A daughter dead, and the other two gone. Foolishly, she felt for two people she didn’t even know existed. 

Luci took advantage of her moment of silence, heading to the kitchen for the tea she’d promised. Or, it turned out— “Must’ve…agreed to it in my head,” Nicole rubbed her jaw, self-conscious as Luci pulled her out of her thoughts. “Sometimes, my uh— my mouth forgets it has to say the words. People can’t read minds” she scoffed, but gave an affirmative nod at the prospect of tea. The idea of mind reading wasn’t as out there as she was pretending. Not in this town. Not even in this room. She remembered what Milo had done in her living room. The sparks crackling in his hand. Was Luci like him too? Did Luci know what Milo was? “Ah. Shouldn’t sound so certain of that. This place’s got a funny way of proving me wrong.” She looked down at her hands clasped on her lap, the notebook left on her side. She clenched her jaw, stomaching more silence. “Liking school so far?” she prompted suddenly. Kids like talking about that, didn’t they?  Or complaining. Both worked for her.

“No I got into a dorm, and I had an apartment with some others for a week - the goo really set back plans on that,” Luci said softly rubbing the back of her neck on her bad luck. She’d tried really hard to figure all of it out and yet it didn’t seem to matter in the end. Still at Nicole’s praise about getting into the school a part of her felt a lot better.

“Thanks! I really like it here. The mascot is cute too if you haven’t seen her,” Luci said thinking that was a much easier conversation to have then the fact that her brother hadn’t waited four months so she could go with him. He didn’t want her to go with him. He still probably disliked that she was her. 

Luci giggled a little at the idea of thinking and not actually speaking and replied, “Oh no worries. I do that all the time myself. Well, I also mumble a lot to myself too so maybe not exactly the same.” She moved back into the room putting the tea next to the other hoping that it was okay as she went to sit down herself keeping space between them. It made her comfortable when talking to people she didn’t know. 

“Oh - No I can’t read minds. Although that would be fascinating probably is someone could,” Luci said suddenly thinking of the possibilities that could provide. Still after a moment she shook her head, “I think that’s at least two ethical violations for an IRB.- Oh pretty good. School that is, that’s what you asked about right. Sorry I got distracted with the reading mind thing.” 

The mention of goo had Nicole’s shoulder tensing almost as tight as if she were out there fighting flames in the woods. It wasn’t her trauma, she was aware of it, yet she couldn’t help her reaction. She counted herself as one of the lucky ones who managed to sort the situation relatively unscathed. There had been no bookstore to ruin anymore, and her neighborhood appeared to be almost magically protected from that particular brand of chaos. But her mind drifted to Teagan, who was trapped for months inside the encasement of sludge, and so many others who suffered the consequences of yet another poorly managed situation.  She could never imagine what that felt like, but had enough stories from Teagan to know it was no fucking vacation.

That was over, however.  Nicole reminded herself as Luci explained the reason behind her apparent delay and their vastly different living situations. The corners of her mouth twitched into something that resembled a more natural smile. At least Luci looked happy enough to talk about school. Nicole thought she could be proud of herself for navigating some of the awkward beats of the conversation without struggle. “The… The cow thing— right? It’s— the one with the, what’s her name?” Nicole snapped her fingers, attempting to spark her memory. “Bessie. With the… bloody horn and shit? Got… spooked by that story already? All bullshit” she reassured the young girl, despite not being fully convinced by her own words. She knew better than to deny the possibility of some fucked up cryptid story. But this was a kid, she wasn’t supposed to traumatize her. “My girlfriend went to school there. Swears it’s all true.”

Heat crept on her cheeks, the temperature rising as the embarrassment set in. Luci was relating to her, however, and that made it more bearable for Nicole. She’d have to analyze why it was much easier to relate to a teenager than adults her age, but that would have to come in the safety of her own home. With her incredibly smart girlfriend to help her figure it out. She followed Luci’s journey from the kitchen to the living room in silence, accepting the cup of tea with a shy smile. She was relieved to see the young girl go back to her sit, at a safe distance. 

Nicole noticed that Luci wasn’t disturbed in the least by the mention of mind reading. But it wasn’t enough evidence to sustain her theory that she might be like her brother. Young kids liked those conspiracy theories, didn’t they? Her brows furrowed, thinking she had missed something while she’d been busy in her head. Did she? “IRB? Don’t— not sure what’s that” She shook her head, glancing down at her steaming cup of tea. She didn’t mind that Luci had been distracted by her question, because she was fairly certain she had distracted herself with it too. “What’s an IRB?”

Luci noticed the tension, but figured it wasn’t hers to comment on. Instead she nodded softly at the mention of Bessie. “Oh yeah! I mean I wouldn’t mind if she was real. She’s pretty cute. I have a sweatshirt with her on it - but yes probably not real.” She was trying not to chatter but it was her default when trying to keep people interested. She wondered if Milo was similar still. 

Luci sip at her tea for a moment and blinked as she said, “ Oh it’s a board you have to show your experiment too to make sure that it’s ethical and safe. If someone were to make something that reads minds I would assume there is some sort of board like that to see if its safe.” Still she considered it for herself, and wondered if spellcasters had something like that. She didn’t think it was likely. “I guess I’m still thinking about school though, I don’t know if there’s something like that. But I do try to consider what a board like that would say you know? Before I do something with an experiment.” 

Luci paused  suddenly, realizing she was talking a lot. “Sorry if I’m talking a lot, I just think about stuff like this too much.” 

___________________________________________________________________________

Nicole wasn’t going to be the person to try and convince Luci that Bessie was real. Again, it could always be the case, given the nature of the town and its proclivity for making the absurd happen. But she much preferred the idea of the young girl staying away from all that and living as normal as a college kid could. Knowing too much made you more curious. Nicole understood that well, hence that one phrase everyone said too much for her liking— curiosity killed the cat. She wouldn't wish it on Luci. She hummed in a non-committal way, partly amused at the mention of the sweatshirt. She had seen something similar very far into Leah’s closet, hadn’t she?

The IRB appeared to be a much more serious topic than Nicole had envisioned. She sat still on her spot, listening to Luci explain it away. From all of that she gathered Luci was into experiments. Some sort of science major, possibly. She also gathered that the girl had been thinking about mind reading from a rational perspective. Not from— magic hadn’t been brought up. Though, of course, would anyone feel confident or safe enough to discuss supernatural matters with a stranger they just met? “Sounds like we should have IRB everywhere” Wouldn’t that be better? To have a board making sure whatever fuckery humans got up to was safe. Was she unintentionally describing the government or— The police? The congress? Nicole’s frown deepened, certain that neither of those institutions was doing too good of a job if they were supposed to be the real-life version of an IRB. And again, an even more noticeable crease between her eyebrows appeared. How the fuck did she end up musing about the government of all things? This wasn’t her lane. 

Luci’s voice was a breath of fresh air, and Nicole was able to stop her hamster wheel of a brain from overthinking. “Don’t be,” she was quick to reply. There was something vaguely reminiscent of Milo in this interaction. “You got good thoughts. Maybe—Too advanced for me,” she admitted with a sheepish smile, bringing the cup to her lips to fill some potentially awkward silence. 

Her mind was swarming with thoughts about mind reading and magic, and unfortunately— some shit about IRB too, but when her gaze fell to her lap and she spotted Milo’s notebook, Nicole was able to bring herself back to what they had been discussing before the slight detour. “He— Milo. He doing better? Good? I mean.” Her eyes were glued on her wringing hands, contemplating her next sentence. She should be honest. She was worried about him, and the way he’d been handling his grief. And now there was another person in front of her she should be worried about too. These kids didn’t deserve whatever they were going through. “He mentioned your sister—” she paused, offering Luci a hesitant look. She’d promised to say her name. She deserved to be remembered. “Genevieve. Sorry about—” she trailed off, waiting for Luci’s reaction to dive deeper into murkier waters.

“Oh I think it would probably be a good idea - I should write that down actually,” She said thinking that a magical IRB might not be an awful idea. Although maybe thats what covens were. She didn’t really know herself - she’d never been in one. Luci would also have to look into if a coven had one. 

At the reassurance Luci relaxed knowing that the other wasn’t annoyed, “Oh I mean to be fair if I’m not explaining it well that was on me, not on you. I should be clearer. If you’d never heard about it before, then I should provide background.” 

At the question Luci froze a little. She was different then her brother, talking about Gen didn’t usually make her upset but everything was just so fresh and a big wound. Still, looking at Nicole it felt like she was asking because she cared. Her and her partner had taken in Milo when Luci couldn’t be there so she relaxed a little and said softly, “If I’m being honest I’m worried about him. Milo - he feels things a lot. And, he seems very scared about something and very guilty about everything else. Part of it is what - happened, and part of it I don’t know. I don’t think he’s as bad as he probably was but I can’t tell you he’s good. I’m sorry I can’t lie when you seem to care this much.” Luci knew she probably shouldn’t share, but - maybe it was the fact she was still so young she wanted to trust someone older. Someone that reminded her just a little of her older sister. “I won’t let anything bad happen to him, but he’s not okay. I am glad though that he talked about Gen.” 

Nicole looked at Luci, surprise written all over her face. Was it a good idea? She fixed her gaze on the mug, letting the small wave of self-consciousness pass her by. Luci was being kind, it was all there was to it. Good ideas weren’t Nicole’s thing. Though sometimes her logic and skepticism could disguise as cleverness. She appreciated the words, nonetheless, empty or polite as they might be. “Think you explained it well,” her lips pressed into a tight smile. Never quite at ease with the gesture. “Not used to… thinking about stuff like that,” she clarified, hoping Luci would understand she wasn’t the problem, rather Nicole’s poorly wired brain was. The giant cloud of confusion above her head was nothing new, certainly not due to anything Luci could’ve failed to explain. 

There was a type of strength behind Luci’s reaction to her question that Nicole envied. Just a kid, yet nothing indicated she was in distress, except for the slight flinch as Nicole brought up the topic. It was always possible she was better at— what did Leah call it? The thing with compartments. Could be it. Grief had no formula, after all. What could send Milo or Nicole to the ground might look different from what triggered Luci. She leaned in, leaving some of her anxiety behind and replacing it with concern. The way Luci spoke of her brother wasn’t surprising, given what she had learned about him in the time he stayed at her place. There was no advice she could offer Luci to help Milo out of the darkness. No magic word or gesture would bring back the person he was before the tragedy. A tragedy Nicole wasn’t privy to, yet still resonated with her, having lost her siblings too. “Time. Sounds like a bullshit solution, but— experience tells me, he needs it. Be patient with him?” Nicole glanced up at her request, her gaze kind as she asked for the one thing she had needed when she began her own journey with grief. “He’ll talk to you eventually,” not completely, maybe. There were still things Nicole refrained from discussing to this day. But part of the story was better than nothing.  

Luci was smart, and it was obvious she deeply cared about her brother. If she had followed him to Wicked’s Rest, something told her Luci was more than willing to be patient and be there for the sibling who was struggling more visibly. She took a sip of her tea, finally at a temperature that wouldn’t burn her throat, and cleared the emotion off her throat. “I appreciate— you shouldn’t have to trust a stranger, but I appreciate it. I do—  care about him,” not only because there were a lot of similarities between him and Nicole, but because he looked like a good kid who had been dealt unfairly shitty cards. Luci looked solid, steady in her belief that she’d take care of Milo, and once again Nicole found herself admiring the younger girl. How could someone so young have so much composure? But it was always possible Luci’s grief looked a lot like focusing on other people’s needs and neglecting her own because she wasn’t quite sure how to navigate them. She was so young, that in itself was an emotional shitstorm. “And you? How— is there anything you need? I’m— It was your sister too.”

Luci nodded a little knowing herself how hard words could be. She could explain so many little things, but she couldn’t find words for a lot. She couldn’t understand a lot of emotions and so she just left it there. She seemed cold to people, she was sure logically thinking through things that a lot of people would cry at. It wasn’t that she didn’t feel anything. 

She felt. She felt a lot of things, but she never figured out what the words were for them. It was a sense of longing, to want to be let in but there was an anger there too. Not at Milo - not really. She wasn’t quite angry at being abandoned, but there was a bitter thing there she couldn’t quite rap her head around. It was too hard so she spoke logically. She didn’t want to be any of these emotions. 

She hadn’t expected any words as she babbled on her worries. Something that seemed to be a bruise that the universe pressed down on. Luci was calm, rational to a fault. She tried very hard to be so but there wasn’t a rational bit of why her hands trembled a little, nodding at the other’s word. “I - understand. I think so too,” She said softer than she might normally. 

She shouldn’t have said anything to the other, about Milo especially but there was still a part of her that wanted to reach out. “I could tell you care about him.” She just said again. She paused not expecting anyone to ask about her. Milo had - especially lately asked and poked and prodded on how she felt but she had expected him too. She hadn’t really opened up either, knowing how strained the tie between them was. She kept saying she was okay. 

She paused now though and said babbling almost to the kind stranger, “Thank you. I - think I’ll be fine. I'm trying to be fine, I think. I keep trying to do what - well my sister had this idea right?” 

Luci stumbling over words trying to figure it out as she talked - something she almost never did.“She wanted me to go to school and just mentioned Brown once so I set everything to go there - after everything I realized. Well I think she just wanted me to make choices when I got older. So I’ve been doing that. Sorry that’s - not helpful is it. I guess. I just wanted to tell someone that I am trying.” She said her hand was trembling her mug slightly. “I’m trying. I really am. I’m trying to make friends and talk more and - I’m trying to make her proud. I think that’s enough right now really. I can wait for Milo to find what he needs to do to feel - to I don’t know how to phrase it really. I’m not good at all of this, but I know the two of us can figure it out. Like you said it’ll just take time. ”

It was hard reading people sometimes. No— All the time, Nicole corrected herself. There was a whole fucking lot of projection required for it that she never felt too comfortable with. What else was she supposed to do, though? The way she interacted with the world was shaped and colored by the experiences she’d lived. Of course, she’d try and relate to that. It didn’t stop her —never did— from trying to look past herself. Focus on what she saw and what she heard only. In hopes that someday, she’d be a better listener. That one day she’d be the person people came to for advice. Luci looked surprised to be asked how she was doing. The pause, the slight rise of her eyebrows, the stumbling over words. Surely anybody who knew the siblings would’ve asked the same question, no? At this point, Luci must’ve been tired of it. Nicole could rationalize it, could understand that it was a personal question suddenly prompted by a stranger. That could be what was throwing the girl off. 

No, it wasn’t that. Partially —maybe— but not all of it, Nicole guessed. How many people had asked Luci about her feelings? Had she had support after her sister’s death? Did they dismiss her because of her age? Was she relegated to second place because of her brother mourning in a more obvious manner? She hated the idea of this girl becoming an afterthought in any sense. Not even Milo, with everything he was dealing with, would like that. And surely, not her oldest sister. She was projecting again, fuck it, but if Genevieve had loved her siblings as fiercely as Nicole did her own, she wouldn’t have stood for that. 

It seemed as though Luci wasn’t quite sure how to address her feelings. She knew that one too well. Luci seemed to be searching for her emotions in her head, in her thoughts, scared of unlocking what was in her heart. Nicole had to use similar tools when she woke up from her five-year human hiatus. If she was honest, she never shrugged off that bad habit. 

But Nicole wasn’t here to tell Luci how to better cope with death, that would be hypocritical of her. She wasn’t the pinnacle of healthy coping by any means, her latent addiction could speak for that. Yet that was progress in itself, wasn’t it? She’d found ways to get better. Luci would too. For now, Nicole could listen and understand. And fuck, she could understand too well. A soft bittersweet reached her lips while Luci spoke of the expectations her sister had. Sadness sank heavy in her stomach, an onrush of sympathy crashing over her at the thought of how fucked up all of it was. It was impossible not to think of her siblings. What she would’ve wished for them had they made it past the hunter’s grasp. Like Genevieve, she would’ve had expectations. Hopes. But above all, Nicole would’ve wanted them to be alright. She would’ve liked them to find their place in the world. To become their own people. “That’s enough,” she muttered quickly, disrupting some of Luci's stammering. She could only speak the words she wished someone had said to her once upon a time. “That’s okay, trying— keep doing that, please. I see that. See—you,” her gaze fell on Luci’s hand, wishing she had the courage to reach out and offer the comfort the young girl might need. They had just met, however. This conversation brought up only by their connection to Milo. It would be too much. Her grip on the mug tightened, uncomfortable with her indecision. 

She couldn’t be too hard on herself while preaching about the same thing to somebody else, could she?

“You know—how I asked you to be patient with Milo? Think you deserve that too” Nicole pointed out, leaving her cup on the coffee table. “The trying— won’t always be your best, y’know? But you gotta. You’ll make her proud just with that.” The corners of her mouth pulled into a new, more confident smile as she took in the brave young girl in front of her. Nicole didn’t have to project to know any older sister would be proud of her. “Sure she already is,” she added gently. 

Luci didn’t know what the feeling was, that the other woman seemed to be bringing out as she talked. She didn’t feel like crying, she very rarely did. Still her stuttering seemed to stop while the other talked looking lost. 

Luci wasn’t good at any of this. She knew she was upset and probably broken. There were bits of her that she couldn’t get back knowing that Gen wasn’t there. Her hurt, though, never seemed right. She never seemed to express it in a way that other people understood. Just like her kindness, her pain always was misinterpreted as something that it wasn’t. 

She didn’t know how to cry properly. It always came out all at once or not at all. She didn’t know how to be angry without shaking. It always felt wrong, like it was something distinct from who she was. 

Still in this moment she was being seen. She was being seen, something that horrified Luci for years. She hated the eyes on her - not knowing quite what most meant. Still, she didn’t feel bad at the moment when Nicole looked at her kindly. She didn’t know much about the other woman, she couldn’t have known what she had done - it didn’t even sound like Milo had mentioned her. 

Still, for a moment Luci felt seen in a way that didn’t make her feel sick. She was being seen and she didn’t want to run or hide. It didn’t feel like she was trying to judge how Luci tried to form her feelings and categorize them. Nicole even seemed to accept that she couldn’t quite explain it. So instead she breathed and listened carefully. She nodded.

“I hope so,” Luci said softly, thinking of her sister and smiling slightly. “I think so. Thank you.” With that, the young spellcaster sat more in peaceful silence thinking that maybe eyes weren’t all that bad anymore. “Thank you. I will try.”

#w #w: on grief and sisterhood #w: luci #thank YOU even tho u hurt me

[nicsalazar]

The tails that bind || Nicole & Teagan

TIMING: Early December LOCATION: Teagan's cabin PARTIES: @closingwaters & @nicsalazar SUMMARY: Nicole visits Teagan's cabin to catch up. WARNINGS: Drug manipulation, alcoholism, and surgery tw.

The palette of autumn dipped into nature, hues of red, orange, and gold becoming a masterpiece with every stroke. Leaves shed from every tree, gracefully dancing down toward the ground, coating it completely with its beauty. Teagan watched quietly from her nook, a well-worn photo album in her lap. She was perusing through it as she waited for the kettle to whistle and for Nicole to arrive, heart both full and heavy. 

Teagan expected Arden to miss her, that seemed to be a given, but she was surprised to find that her phone had been filled with worried messages and calls. Most from people she’d just befriended, and few from her own family. She felt like the leaves outside, falling endlessly and drying out until all color and beauty faded. How long until that happened? Looking to the trees, Teagan pondered a little longer, another disheartening idea taking shape. Perhaps she was like the trees as a whole, and the leaves were the final part of her decay, her entire being naked and bare. 

Knock, knock, knock…right. There were more important matters to focus on. Nicole needed a friend. 

The fae stood up and headed to the foyer, her body on auto-pilot as she limped. “Coming!” Teagan called out brightly, opening the door soon after with a smile on her face, any and all distress erased. “Lovely to see your face again, darling! Please, please, come in.” She moved aside to give Nicole room, grabbing her cane from next to the entrance. Leading them both to the dining area, Teagan took a seat, gesturing for Nicole to take the one in front of her. “Got the kettle on. Should be ready soon. What’s on your mind? Sounded a bit distressed over text.”

Her body felt heavy, which was nothing new. The physical and emotional toll Nicole had taken this year alone weighed like lead. Only on rare occasions, and only when she consciously chose to acknowledge her body. It wasn’t hard to ignore it when she was at the center of the suffering. When it came to those she cared about, however, emotion tended to hijack her coping strategies. She didn't know if the sludge was gone for good or if everyone who had been afflicted had returned home safely. Still, Nicole managed a faint smile as she approached the cabin beside Darkling's lake. She was getting closer to the one thing she could truly count as relief: her friend was alive, even after the sludge had kept her trapped for months.

Teagan's voice reached her ears soon after knocking, and her smile immediately widened. A wave of relief washed over her as the door opened, shoulders shook as she exhaled. Nicole studied her friend, trying to control her expression, being mindful not to stare for too long, but she wasn't sure if she was doing a good job. It was a fine line. "Hey," she said, freezing by the door for a moment. She had wished to reach out, and pull the woman into a hug, but her body didn’t obey. She cursed herself for not doing it sooner, as Teagan had grabbed her cane and gone further into the room once the moment passed. Nicole looked around the cabin, listening to the cane echo against the floor, more and more questions spinning in her head. What had transpired on the inside? Had Teagan been aware of the passage of time? Was she suffering as a result of the situation? Was she as desperate to reach for Arden as it had been the other way around? She tried to organize her racing thoughts before voicing any of them.

Teagan went ahead of her, her query direct. Nicole was taken aback by this. She was uncomfortable. It wasn't how she preferred to go about things. But, didn't a part of her want to? She'd stated via text that she needed to get a few things off her chest. So why was her heart fighting right now? Maybe she was too tense, maybe it was too soon, needed to warm up those walls around her so they’d melt without so much resistance. "Too much," she settled for, fingers squeezing nervously. That was always the problem, wasn’t it? Too many things, not enough tools to process them. Teagan instructed her to take the seat in front of her. She picked up on the faint humming of the kettle, not quite boiling but getting close to a whistle. 

"We'll— I'll get to that, yes" she said, letting that promise hang over her head. Put pressure on her to follow through. She needed to know about Tegan first, though. Aside from the limited chat they had online, there were many things Nicole wanted to know. "Please tell me you've been doing okay," it wasn’t the smooth start she envisioned. Could anyone be okay after everything she'd been through? How stupid was it to ask? Teagan might still be working things out. Processing. But Nicole saw a lot of her own resilience reflected in the other woman. So yes— Teagan would persist. And certainly wouldn’t take offense in a slightly clumsy assortment of words.  “That was— I was asking. Want to know how you’re doing… being back. Lake looks good,” better than Nicole had seen it, the couple of times she took a stroll in Teagan’s absence. 

A flicker of that sorrow Teagan knew all too well got the better of her, and she wanted to kick herself for allowing that to happen. She didn’t want the focus on her, though she knew Nicole would want it to be, but she had a little hope that she would be able to easily shift it to her friend. Even as a child, Teagan was never any good at accepting help, always putting others first, and thus teaching most to do the very same without her having to make any move. That was how it was meant to be when you were a monster, even if you hadn’t been one at conception.

“Too much?” The nix tilted her head curiously, concern furrowing her brow as she reached over to lay a gentle hand on Nicole’s. “Well, nothing like a bit of tea and talk to help with that, aye?” She smiled, wincing slightly as the kettle screeched to get Teagan’s attention. With a gesture to hold a moment, she gathered the kettle and poured the water into each respective cup, opening a box with an array of teas for them to pick from. “Got cream and sugar, too.” She pointed to each on the table. “Have your pick. I’m in the mood for chamomile myself. Soothing!” With a smile, she readied her cup, eyes growing a bit weary as Nicole clumsily made her way through conversation, asking how Teagan had been handling her return. Mostly avoidance, she wanted to say, but as always, there needed to be a shift, and Nicole did ask nicely if Teagan could tell her she was doing okay. She wanted to oblige, even at the risk of a stomachache.

“I’m…okay.” Acid built up in Teagan’s throat, and she coughed into her cup in hopes of dismissing any possibility of being called a liar. “You know, two months gone and there’s n-not much else to do but keep going forward, right? I mean, time always goes on.” So quickly. Ever so quickly. And before you know it, you wake up and you’ve been left behind in the present. “But enough about me. Come on, what’s going on, Nic?”

Nicole smiled at the gesture, a warm hand on top of hers, grateful that Teagan didn’t have similar hang-ups when it came to physical affection. How often did that happen? How often did she allow herself to experience something as simple as that? She nodded softly, shifting in her seat as the water boiled. It felt a lot like a ticking bomb. The sooner Teagan got done with it, the sooner she’d have to talk. About herself. She wasn’t exactly a tea-and-talk person. She preferred a different approach to cope. Or not cope, rather. Her previous method was more in the line of passing out black-out drunk, than sitting and attempting to verbalize a million things going through her head at any moment.   

She focused on the assortment of teas instead of sinking in too deep waters far too soon. Chamomile sounded nice, Nicole had to agree. But she was pretty familiar with it. This evening was perfect to try something different. One small change that might snowball into bigger changes that would conclude in her opening up to a friend who had been nothing but kind to her since they reunited. She didn’t think chain reactions worked like that at all, but maybe reaching for a peach tea instead of anything in her comfort zone would inject some sense of… control in her choices. One spoon of sugar later, the scents of both steaming cups reached her nostrils. Soothing indeed.

Nicole didn’t think she believed Teagan. No— she knew she didn’t. She wouldn’t push, though. It would be fucking hypocritical to do so. How many times had she deflected similarly? She didn’t think it was an intentional lie either. She wanted to believe Tegan was trying to find a middle ground between the truth and what she felt ready to discuss. Of course the woman would try to appear stronger than she felt. She always did for the people she cared about. Brave facing every tragedy imaginable, crumbling in silence. Her body tensed at the mention of time passing. How helpless it felt knowing it was impossible to get any of it back. Her heart pounded in her ears. She knew how that felt too, being kept out of existence without having a say. And by the way her throat tightened, she knew immediately she wouldn’t be able to speak about her own experiences with that. At least not yet. She mimicked Teagan’s actions, reaching for the cup as a way to distract her thoughts and feelings. “We’ll get you in shape in no time” she offered with a half smile. “Won’t fix everything but— getting your body to work the way it used to… It— it helps” she nodded, the implication that she knew this from experience hanging between them.

Her friend was unprepared to talk, perhaps even more than Nicole was, and the nerves settled in the pit of her stomach as soon as Teagan flipped the question on her. Fuck, okay. She would never push, she stood by that. So that meant— Where could she start? She took another sip of her tea, soothing the knot forming in her throat. It was like choosing the most enticing slice of shit cake. But after some deliberation, in which she took a few more sips of the boiling tea to keep herself busy, she decided that going back to where they left off before Teagan was trapped by the sludge was a good place to begin. “Before…Uh, you turned into a statue— I tried reaching out, I didn’t— know about…” she trailed off, Teagan’s fate obvious to both of them. “Tried reaching out because— Uh, something happened to me in the woods and—” she frowned, focusing on her hands wringing in her lap instead of looking at Teagan. “Wanted to know about your… I think the same thing happened to me” She clenched her jaw, annoyed by her own fragmented speech. If she could fucking get it together it’d be great. “I went to the woods with Andy. Found some sleeping darts.” There were darts when Teagan was attacked, right? Nicole thought she was done speaking, at least until the other woman confirmed her hunter had a similar technique. But there was still something on the tip of her tongue. “My… spirit feels wrong. Incomplete”. 

If Nicole had any suspicion that there was a lie in the nix’s words, she gave no indication of it. For that, Teagan was grateful. As far as she was concerned, she was happy to stick her head in the sand and remain there when it came to the tremendous anxiety and pain she had been living with. It was easier to bear that way. Teagan knew she was hard to love, and if she could make herself easier to swallow, easier to digest when it came to being around others, then she felt she could lift any burden from. After all, she was both protector and monster. There was no room to be anything else, let alone someone in need. Or worse, a burden. 

The idea of becoming that made Teagan look away from Nicole and stare at the nook in the living room where Alffi and Hobbes were cuddling together. The distraction was enough to calm her and bring a smile to her face. Glassy eyes soon returned to Nicole, and Teagan took another sip of her tea, the warm liquid incredibly grounding so that she could finally return to her place in the conversation. “Much appreciated, Nic. The walls have been helpful to get myself out and swimming is most definitely a splendid workout, but when I was used to pulling myself into trees, it’s a tad bit disheartening to realize just how weak I am now.” Teagan sounded a bit exasperated, and she bit the inside of her cheek as she felt tears stinging and threatening to form from her pain seeming to match her friend’s. 

The empathy tugged at her chest, and she wondered how recently Nicole had to struggle in a similar way. How often had they looked in the mirror and seen each other without knowing? Too often, it seemed. The more Nicole began to unravel the truth behind the cryptic message Teagan had returned to, the more painful it became to look at her reflection becoming Nicole. A friend that had been nothing but kind despite a past that offered only spilled blood and still bodies rotting in the ground, somewhere she could no longer return to. 

“You…” Voice struggled through the ball in her throat, “You…he…” Teagan dropped her mug onto the table, her tea spilling over the wood haphazardly. Her breath hitched with surprise and fear, slowly turning into a raging anger that warmed her cheeks and chest. “He took from you.” She finally managed to say between gritted teeth. With a shaky breath, Teagan plucked a dish towel from the handle of her oven and cleaned the area her tea spilled onto, roughly. “He made you sleep…” She continued to wipe, shaking. “And then he took from you.” When the spill was wiped away, Teagan gripped the cloth in her fist, sitting down and staring at it until a tear landed next to her hand. Her eyes were red, wide and slightly distant, chin quivering as her own experience played like grainy film in her mind. “I’m so sorry.” Was all she could say, offering her free hand to Nicole to accept or dismiss as she needed. Teagan knew her job at that moment, and she would do whatever was asked of her. 

“Right. Don’t worry, we’ll have you climbing in no time,” a reassuring smile pulled at one corner of her mouth. Nicole wasn’t confident about many things – if any– but this was easy. Fitness. And climbing? “Kind of an expert—” she gave her a knowing look. Was that too subtle of a joke? She didn’t normally make light of her own nature, but it had gotten easier. The more she talked about it, the easier it was to understand not everything had to be so serious. Nothing was so terrible about having the ancient spirit of a jaguar inhabiting the same body as her. But she also understood Teagan’s concerns about not feeling like herself in her own body. A body she had known for years that now didn’t respond the same way it used to. 

Her gaze focused on the steaming mug, distancing herself from the memory so she could articulate her point better. “When we met— the first time, not last time with that monkey thing,” her finger traced the design of the mug, giving herself a moment. “The first time— I’d been… in a similar boat not long before we met. The jaguar… Sometimes doesn’t wanna let go of its grip, y’know? Wasn’t easy— getting back into your body.” And Nicole understood it wasn’t the same situation, but the similarities were there. She could see them, at least. Being stuck inside something that didn’t let you move and then picking back where you were left off. “Will be easier to get you motivated. You got people who can’t wait to see you back to normal. Or— to the best you can manage.” She didn’t want to imply no one had been there for her at the time. That would’ve been a lie. The kindness of strangers had kept her afloat. Nicole was certain she would’ve succumbed to the spirit forever had it not been for humans who interacted with her along the way. But Teagan had something better going for her. Love. Encouragement. None of her loved ones would let her fall.   

Nicole saw Teagan’s face crease into understanding even before she finished telling her story. She was startled by the mug tumbling, tea spilling on the surface, and she almost sprung to action. She almost reached for the dish towel Teagan grabbed from the oven and almost wiped the table. Her ears burned, self-conscious now that her truth was out. But she stopped herself, sat with her own discomfort, because Teagan needed an outlet. Needed some sense of control. Nicole didn’t think she’d felt that sort of rage emanate from anyone before. It wasn’t the first time she’d told this story, of course. Leah had been angry, her flames flickering dangerously when Andy carried her partially numb body through the doors, but it had been fueled by sadness. She had been devastated. Andy’s anger was much quieter when Nicole broke down with her. Understated. Andy focused on the facts, on figuring out who was responsible. Her anger had a purpose, it was channeled into action. This, radiating off of Teagan’s body was the anger of someone who knew exactly what it felt like. Her own feelings rekindled. 

Her forehead wrinkled in confusion as the apology was uttered, and for one clueless second, Nicole thought Teagan was sorry for the mess she made spilling her tea. There was no reason to apologize for that. But soon she realized, Teagan was offering her sympathy. Extending her hand for comfort. As Andy had done. She held it with less indecision than she did before, soaking up her warmth. Her throat knotted in appreciation. “I’m sorry too, for— for your attack and…” she met Teagan’s eyes, trying to gauge her resolve. “A psycho like that can’t be out there taking body parts like it's a fucking game” she breathed out, voice shaky with resentment. “I know— your desire for revenge’s had some resistance, but—” Nicole hesitated. Was she considering dragging a recently freed Teagan, a woman clearly on the mend into something dangerous? No. No, she wasn’t. She wouldn’t. Not yet. But she wanted her friend to know where she stood. “This would make the town safer,” she stated, more secure. That was logical. Rational. A town safer for Teagan, for herself. For others like them who didn’t deserve to be mutilated. The brief idea of someone harming Leah had her sick to her stomach, ready for action. Her natural disposition for peace overtaken by something darker. They had enough with the town’s natural brand of crazy, they didn’t have to add demented residents to the list. 

“When… you get stronger. We should— I understand if you’d rather not fight” Nicole was never too much of a fighter either, it would be fucking hypocritical of her to expect anything from others. “But I’d want an ally,” she finished her thought out loud. She was tired of losing, and she wanted to take matters into her own hands to ensure it didn’t happen again. 

There was a riddle with no clear answer, uncertainty sinking its deadly teeth into the flesh of Teagan’s hope and newfound resolution to be better. She put the rest of the conversation at the back of her mind, no longer able to focus on anything more than the warden who’d not only taken from her, but her friend. Yes, she was angry about her tail. Yes, she was angry at being drugged. And yes, she was angry at herself for letting it happen. But all of that mattered little because it was Teagan. Nicole, on the other hand, was a person who did a great deal of good. She saved people. She put out fires. She was a hero. What right did that hunter have to mutilate someone like Nicole? None, Teagan thought. 

Their world was filled with enough danger, despair and darkness, and now, it seemed, the nix was going to have to take her place back in it. “The resistance to that revenge hardly matters now, doesn’t it?” Teagan’s face remained slightly downcast toward the table, but her eyes, dark and unsteady, met with Nicole’s. “Another friend of mine was taken from. And another just barely got away. And-and…” Her fingers curled tightly around the dish towel, claws slowly becoming unglamoured and digging into the fabric. “Now you.” Her voice didn’t sound like her own, rage having its way and burning her throat until it grated off her tongue. 

Truthfully, Teagan felt less and less like herself since her tail was taken. Even more so after she was set free from the goo. She didn’t know how to wear her body anymore, her soul just barely keeping itself on a tightrope. Her chest bloomed with flowers of emptiness, dying petals unfurling and permeating a rancidly sweet perfume. But it didn’t start with the attack. Not that particular one, at least. The heinous wrongness Teagan had been feeling for so long came from childhood, and she was beginning to believe that she would never be right again. If that were the case, what good would it do to fight what was inside her? Nicole needed an ally, and the Teagan in front of her now wouldn’t be enough. She needed to be consumed again.

“You have an ally, Nicole. For all hunters, but especially this one.” Moving from her seat at the table, the fae threw the towel into the sink and took a few shaky breaths. The sensation of cold needles attacked Teagan’s chest, and it was all she could do to keep herself from letting her body spring into action. She stayed in place, leaning onto the sink as she let the quiet linger between her and Nicole. When she broke the silence, she remained facing away, claws digging into metal with a sharp and staccato screech. 

“We’re going to find him.” Teagan finally turned her face to Nicole, her mismatched hues dark and stormy, but firm and resolute. “We’re going to find everything he took.” She inhaled deeply, each word precise. “Take. Them. Back.” Carefully, she walked back to the table and knelt next to Nicole’s seat, making a promise. “And kill him.”

Nicole offered a nod, one that was barely there, almost as if she was still trying to convince herself that this was the correct way to follow up their brutal attacks. But she didn’t need convincing. She was simply exercising caution. It was hardly the time to look enthusiastic as she watched Teagan be consumed by her anger. The same emotion wrapped around Nicole’s ribcage as she learned others had suffered similarly at the hands of this monster. Her jaw tightened, letting go of her mug before it fared the same fate as Teagan’s. How many were there? How long had this been going? Resolve sank deeper into her bones, knowing she’d search for him regardless of whether Teagan joined her cause or not.

However, it wasn’t something she had to worry about for too long. Teagan committed her help, even if that came with another wave of rage that devastated the other woman. Nicole’s intentions were clear, she wouldn’t be swayed on what she had to do, but she wasn’t prone to violence. Teagan’s reaction had her questioning, at the very least, if she had been right to come to her with her problem. How good of an idea was it after all? Was it worth watching a friend descend into something dark? Nicole was surprised by how fast the answer came to her: yes. This was bigger than both of them. She would’ve been scared by her own thoughts had Teagan’s claws not been distracting enough.  

Nicole considered standing up, reaching for Teagan despite her own hesitance over physical affection. Sometimes she had to force her brain to turn off and not overthink every gesture. But before her legs could obey, Teagan turned around and moved closer. She met her gaze, holding onto every word the other woman spoke with rapt attention. Taking everything back. Nicole hadn’t considered that. Of, a man who stole from others would have somewhere to display his trophies. Like a hunter would. Teagan’s idea was much better than anything she could think of. That would hurt him more than any blade could. She supposed it was the point of having a professional of revenge by her side. Without hesitation, she placed her hand on Teagan’s shoulder. She nodded curtly in agreement. “Gotta be smart about it,” She mumbled, leveling with her. It likely went without saying but— “Don’t think you’re reckless, just—” she paused, testing the words in her mouth. What did it matter if she let herself be vulnerable? They were talking about fucking murder, she could spare a few sentimental words. “Don't wanna lose you too,” she admitted. Revenge would be pointless if they lost more than they won. Wasn’t a risk Nicole was willing to take. But she believed they could do it. Maybe join forces with other survivors too. Strength in numbers and all that.

There was something oddly terrifying about the notion of both Nicole’s and Teagan’s hearts tethering with strings roaring. Set ablaze by the rage set on by a common enemy. Still, the nix knew better than to allow herself to freeze. She’d done so when her family died, and she might as well have been a statue when she was mutilated. From then on, Teagan decided firmly that she’d pick fight. Without fail. She wouldn’t dare miss. Not anymore. 

“We won’t lose each other.” Her eyes softened then, darkness receding, if only to allow the gentle caress of love to reach someone she called friend. “We will be okay.” Giving Nicole’s hand a final squeeze, Teagan rose from her position and took her seat again, fixing up another cup of tea. “The tides will see to his demise. The water will know his blood, and the pain he’s caused will be set free.” Teagan’s spoon tapped against the sides of her cup as she stirred. “He will pay. All in due time, eh? We can discuss more once our heads are calm.” 

There was no sense in letting the warden they’d soon kill take up their entire visit. After all, friendship, as Teagan had learned, had many layers, and theirs was no different. Good and bad, they’d encounter the worst of it, albeit on their own respective instances. But for now, there was tea to consume, and a cat that seemed to need both of their attention. 

#alcoholism tw #surgery tw #drug manipulation tw #w: teagan #wickedswriting #w: the tails that bind #w

[nicsalazar]

Real talk why does social interaction feel like you’re trying to get a good grade in being a person

#muse

[nicsalazar]

Ah, good reminder to avoid the commons. I'd rather be dead than have to Appreciate it. How'd that go for you?

Anyone else been to the festival in the common and ... spontaneously burst into song? For what was possibly several hours? No? Just me? Please don't be just me...

#c: gia #c

[nicsalazar]

Don't think anyone's looking to get it back. Hate when people do that shit, though. Can't tell if you're dealing with littering or... Wicked's Rest. How'd meatballs make it any better?

Whoever threw spaghetti into the tree outside of my house, I would appreciate it if you reclaimed it. I do not like spaghetti, and I never have. You didn't even at least include the best part, which are meat balls.

#c: mona #c

[nicsalazar]

[user stares at the message for a few minutes] Surely...no one's... asking for shrimp tea. Are they? Why would Sounds like a prank.

The Sugar Pot closes at 4pm, people! Stop banging on the bloody door asking for shrimp tea. What the bloody hell is shrimp tea? Gods above.

#c: alistair #c

[nicsalazar]

Might be because they're inconvenient at best and dangerous at worst. Don't let it bite you.

Yeah, sounds like two different issues alright. Your mom know about it? [...] Answer should be pretty obvious, no? Rudolph.

I really don't know why everyone's so stressed about the reindeer. I ran into one this morning and I gave it some waffles, and now he's my new best friend.

In other news, I definitely do not have a reindeer in my mom's garage right now... But if I did, what should I name him?

#c: maggie #c

[nicsalazar]

Naomi Shihab Nye, from Fuel: Poems; “Hidden”

[Text ID: "If you tuck the name of a loved one / under your tongue too long / without speaking it / it becomes blood"]

#muse

[nicsalazar]

TIMING: Early January LOCATION: Darkling Lake PARTIES: Wyatt (@loftylockjaw) & Nicole (@nicsalazar) SUMMARY: Wyatt thinks he’s found a nice midnight snack. He hasn’t. It’s an ustra, but he doesn’t know that. Neither does Nicole, who happens to be out walking the banks of the lake that night. The pair team up to take the creature down, but it doesn’t go so well for Wyatt. CONTENT WARNINGS: None.

—

It wasn’t often camp set so close to Darkling Lake. For good reason. Firefighters were wise enough not to get too familiar with the territory, its bleak reputation influential enough to defer to places nearby when in need of an anchor point. But, with fire season well on the way, it wasn’t always sensible, and sometimes the most awful of fires required drastic measures.

The day had been exhausting. Digging up the fireline, reducing fuel and the general stress of, well, everything —work and real life— weighed heavily on Nicole’s body, her muscles so sore she didn’t think sleep would come easily. When the night fell and the new crew came in, some firefighters had found their way back to the main tent. Others, like her, preferred to sleep on the forest ground, ready if emergency called.  

Nicole twisted one final time in her sleeping bag before she let out a frustrated groan and rose to her feet again. Maybe a walk would help her get rid of all the adrenaline still coursing through her body, hindering her rest. So, with the excuse of going to find the bathroom, she grabbed a banana, a bottle of water and strolled away from the rest of the team.

Despite all the stories she had heard about the lake, she couldn’t deny its beauty. And at night? Everything was as breathtaking as it was eerie. It was an interesting combination, Nicole decided, though she was speaking from the comfort of her own experiences with the lake. Which had all been good in the past, when she’d visited Teagan. Except for the first time, but she’d rather not dwell on almost drowning right now.

Unsurprisingly, the walk had managed exactly the goal she had in mind, her body feeling a lot less jittery and restless once she had set a constant pace. So of course, something had to go and disturb her peace. 

Her stomach plummeted as the scent of decomposition reached her nostrils. Nicole whipped her head around, gaze trying to pin down the source. Luckily for her, there was nothing. She wasn’t in the mood to find bodies lying around. Not that there was ever a mood for that. Picking up her steps, she navigated her way back to camp, until a figure near the water caught her attention.

It couldn’t be taller than Leah. Whoever— whatever that was, they were risking a lot by standing near the edge. That’s how Nicole almost—

She had likely not concealed her steps very carefully, because the figure was alerted of her presence, twisting around and revealing its supernatural form in the process. That was no woman, it required little to no observation to gather that. But it would take a moment for Nicole to go over her mental notes to figure out exactly what type of beast she’d encountered. The creature kept its distance, though it was clearly preparing for something. 

Under no circumstances Nicole could’ve predict it was to spit something at projectile speed, aiming at her. She dodged, by the grace of her enhanced agility, but she knew it was time to run before she found out the real purpose of that substance. Just in time, however, something else appeared ready to join the “fun”, as Nicole picked up extra movement in their vicinity.  

—

A quick, easy meal, he’d thought. Some creepy little fucking humanoid skulking around the edge of the lake, unaware of the danger that lurked beneath the water. Though truth be told, Wyatt was the one in danger, though he didn’t know it. He’d seen one of these once, when he was just a little hatchling back in the bayous of Louisiana, but his mother had quickly dispatched it. He couldn’t remember much about it other than it spit something that seemed corrosive, but he was under the impression that such a defense mechanism would prove useless against his tough exterior. Surely it must, if mama had made such easy work of it!

But then things became more complicated, because there was a human (apparent) on the banks drawing its attention, and—damnit. Damnit. Wyatt didn’t make a habit of protecting random passerby from the local fauna, but his conscience got the better of him and stirred him from where he hung deathly still in the water, his crocodilian head no longer appearing like just a log in the still waters. 

The lamia slipped toward the bank with haste, scaly body rising almost silently from the water as it grew more and more shallow. The creature between them was focused on the woman, not hearing the low rumble that accompanied the parting of Wyatt’s long, deadly jaws until the lamia was almost upon it. It screeched, scrabbling through the mud to get away from him, barely escaping the loud snap of his teeth slamming together in a bite that bore no fruit. He let out an angry bellow, slithering between the stranger and the beast, challenging it to come closer. It wouldn’t, hiding in the reeds and spitting at them from a distance, an attack that the lamia was able to dodge. “Gonna have to do better than that, pig roast!” His attention briefly swung to the woman behind him, and he huffed out a breath. “You good?” 

—

Some sort of… creature rose out of the water too. Crocodile. Alligator? Fuck if Nicole knew the difference. She was too busy fucking dodging spit to examine more closely and settle that. She immediately realized she was a good distraction, though. Not something she ever wanted to be, but when the creature by the lake was too busy trying to get her instead of noticing what slithered behind, then… Nicole could try to be more distracting. She stepped away from the trees she used as cover, showing herself out in the open for the monster to get. It looked like it was working at least, until the crocodile snapped at it and it wasn’t quite the powerful bite it should’ve been. The monster slipped away, screeching in the process. Likely disturbing other wildlife lurking in the shadows. There was a moment —brief, but there— where Nicole considered whether the jaguar should join in or not. If it would be smarter to let two beasts have at the monster rather than one. 

The animal slithered to a halt outside his lake, putting himself between her and the monster, adopting a protective stance. And that should have been enough to tell Nicole that this was no ordinary animal. Dogs could be protective. Cats too, sometimes, if they got their heads out of their asses. But a crocodile? Nicole was open to the idea, strange as it was, and took this gesture as an invitation to retreat to the trees, to hide as the monster continued to shoot at them. Or she could leave and let the animal take care of the rest. That was what she was supposed to be doing before she got attacked. Running. Nicole did none of that because a voice reached her ears and froze her in the spot. 

What the fuck didn’t cover it. The crocodile—alligator, whatever the fuck hybrid spoke, checking in on her. Eyes bulging, the momentary shock made it so the monster’s spit nearly touched her. She ducked in time, again by the virtue of flexible clavicles, hearing it hit the leaves behind them. Right. There was no time for shock. She knew humans could shift into all kinds of animals. This wasn’t new. Or it was, but not in any way that should have Nicole unable to team up with…him. Her mind was spinning, but survival always came first. “Been better— got any idea what that thing is?” Not that it fucking mattered, of course. A time and place for all that. But it did matter, in a way. Nicole was no fighter, but she’d been able to get rid of dangerous creatures before, depending on their weaknesses. Leah had taught her well. Knowing where in the wide realm of Wicked’s Rest bullshit this one fit could give some indication as to how to get rid of it. Because— “Something tells me we shouldn’t let it go free”. She reached for her backpack, forgetting she wasn’t carrying her hatchet. How else was she going to defend herself? Something stabbed between her ribs, cold and demanding. The spirit. No, she wasn’t doing that. Not after it got hurt. “Can work distracting her, you’ll— you…” her forehead creased. Was she really speaking to an alligator? “You get your dinner” she mumbled without much conviction, before blowing a tense breath and moving into the spotlight.

—

“Nope! Doesn’t look as tasty up close as it did from the water, neither!” Wyatt returned, his gaze fixed on the bipedal thing trying its best to land a spit hit. “But I never turned down a new chew toy before, got no reason to start now!” He kept quiet while the stranger moved to attract the monster’s attention and try to give him a better shot at getting in there and getting a good bite on this thing, lurking in the darkness and waiting for the opportune moment. 

It came when the monster realized it wasn’t going to get anywhere just standing here, and seemed to hesitantly move away from the water and towards Nicole. It clearly was not as clever a creature as Wyatt (which was not an especially high bar), seeming to forget the scaly shifter that had almost made an appetizer of it only minutes before, focusing wholly on the dark-haired woman as it advanced forward. Wyatt took advantage of this and moved up behind it again, primed to sprint on all fours right for it once he felt the moment was right. It was getting uncomfortably close to the woman and he grit his teeth, bounding forward with more speed than one would expect from such a large shifter. 

The thing, whatever it was, might not have been clever, but it wasn’t deaf. It whipped around as the lamia barreled down upon it, a long, prehensile tongue rocketing out of its gaping mouth (ew) and shooting right for the massive alligator-creature’s throat. Wyatt felt it make contact but didn’t slow down, crashing down onto the humanoid with 2,000 pounds of weight. And that mass may have been his only saving grace, because the ustras’s venom didn’t immediately paralyze him, though he did quickly notice he was having difficulty with his flexibility. 

Sometimes, having such a large snout was a hindrance, and he couldn’t quite get a good grip on the creature. Besides that, it was stronger than it looked, holding his jaws apart while the spines on its back stabbed into his tongue and coated his mouth in a horrible, bitter taste. He tried to bite down, snorting and huffing and generally making a pretty big fuss over it as he lost more and more of his mobility. His breaths became faster, more panicked as he realized something was wrong. The tongue that’d attached itself to his neck had retreated from that spot, but he thought he felt it on the roof of his mouth, instead. 

The shifter let out a terrified bellow, and it was pretty clear he was rapidly losing the ability to defend himself. 

—

It was talking, yes. Nicole wasn’t hallucinating. Somewhat of a relief but— What the fuck? Provided she made it out alive out of this new encounter with a deadly creature, she’d have to go look into reptile shifters. The one joining forces with her tonight must’ve had such incredible control over its transformation to be able to do any of that. A wave of admiration swept through her as she held the crocodile’s gaze for a moment, though it was quickly replaced by the more familiar cocktail of guilt and shame. Whose fault was it that she couldn’t claim to have equal control over her shifts? Right. 

Nicole stepped nearer, picking up on new details on the other creature’s face. The slimy complexion, the unsettling muscles for such a small body. And the tongue, impossibly long as it was flaunted in a threatening manner. This was supposed to be good, however. The monster thought Nicole was stupid enough to get close with no plan. Perhaps it was already thinking how it was going to feed off her. But Nicole was counting on the element of surprise, even as she had to dodge another wad of spit aimed at her. She recovered just in time to see the crocodile hybrid charge at the monster. The thud shook the ground beneath her boots, but it was hardly an inconvenience when she was certain this meant the quick hashed out plan had worked and the enemy had been defeated. 

It— It didn’t look like the crocodile was winning, though. Not after the initial collision, where he had come out on top. The long-haired monster made good use of those muscles, preventing the animal's maw from delivering a final blow that surely would’ve resulted in the creature’s demise. After that, the reptile thing began struggling. Nicole noticed its lethargic movements, heard its erratic breathing, as the horrible monster proved to have more than vile spit to defend itself. Making it a tricky opponent. They had underestimated it solely on their size. Nicole should’ve known better than that. 

In the face of adversity, it was the moment to consider her options. She could run, that thought hardly ever left her. She could run and let this crocodile hybrid perish. The monster wasn’t agile enough for her, and she knew the woods well enough to lose it amid the trees. But she had this thing —a conscience— keeping her rooted to her spot. The crocodile— alligator… fuck if she knew, had intervened before, when it was Nicole’s life on the line. She should return the favor. She should return the favor not only because it was the right thing to do, but because she still believed they couldn’t let a monster like that get away and risk innocent people from stumbling upon it. A pulse, cold but insistent, struck in her chest. The jaguar wanted something. To fight. To solve this. Save her and the crocodile. She was reluctant, not so much out of fear of her own spirit anymore, but in an attempt to protect what remained of the beast. Are you sure? She asked. Another pulse in response. They had a small advantage, she figured. Knowing how the monster took down bigger predators. Her heart pounded in her ears as understanding dawned on her: It might as well be their only chance. 

Her body shook as she released a calming breath. Her muscles were still tight, shoulders still tense, but there was no time to collect herself. Nicole pleaded with the spirit for a smooth transition. And luckily for her, the jaguar was in a mood to comply. It ripped through her in an ethereal mist, its physical shift so quick, she barely registered any pain. The beast was already in motion as its paws stepped into the forest floor, leaping with coiled energy toward the monster. Feral bite found purchase in the creature’s windpipe, tearing and mangling. Gurgling noises filled the night air as the vampire released its grip on the alligator and attempted to take down the jaguar too. Two beasts against one, there was no chance it was walking out this in one piece. 

—

The corners of Wyatt’s vision darkened dangerously and he shook his great head to try to fight it off, but his movements were becoming more restricted by the moment. He couldn’t kill it. He just needed to bite down on its stupid head and rip it off, and he couldn’t. It was poisoning him, paralyzing him, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. He was helpless… and that was a new feeling. A new fear. He’d never been helpless before. He’d never lost a fight before. Never been in a position he couldn’t get himself back out of, if he really put his mind to it. Even that night that Owen had dragged him out to the woods and fed him a deer to help him heal his wounds, he would have lived if left on his own, it just might not have been pretty. But this? This thing was intent on feeding, and it would make sure there wasn’t enough left of Wyatt to heal. He was going to die, unless—

Something came barrelling into them, and suddenly the pressure of the ustra’s tongue as it tried to slip down the back of his throat was gone. His jaws fell shut, snapping loudly and allowing him to finally see what was—oh. 

There was a wildcat. Not the Wildcat, not Felix, but a cat nonetheless. Yellow, slitted eyes watched the feline tear at the throat of the creature, adrenaline dumping in his system once more as renewed hope tried to lift him from where he lay among the grass and reeds. “Rip…” Wyatt wheezed at the cat, shifting lamely in the mud. “Rip the h-head off…” It was meant to be a much more inspiring shout but he could hardly speak, let alone yell. “Watch out for… spines.. tongue.” Ugh. He had to help hold the thing still if he could—he was already succumbing to the paralysis, so what did a little more matter? With one final great burst of effort, the lamia heaved himself forward and let the weight of his head crash down on top of the ustra, pinning it to the ground across its legs and middle and leaving the head and throat exposed for the balam to take care of. 

—

The instruction was lost on the jaguar, who –at best– was able to pick up on a certain inflection in the other animal’s cry. A warning of sorts. With the momentary advantage of a disarming tackle, the jaguar examined its foe. Of course, it was no common prey. If it was prey at all. The jaguar had watched it measure up to the much larger alligator with relative ease before it intervened. So what was it? What made it a formidable opponent despite its ordinary size? The jaguar battled against a slimy composition, slippery as the monster tried getting away despite its torn throat. Dark blood oozed from the injury, coating the jaguar’s fur. It had seen something similar before. In the beast with red eyes, the one who attacked amidst the red fog. Angry about the similarities, angry about being overpowered at the time, the jaguar took it on the monster beneath. Its sharp claws sliced the head, and a screech cut through the air. 

And then the booming of a heavyweight slamming against the forest floor froze everything for a moment. The monster had been pinned down by the alligator, who had dragged himself to help. Not even the slippery build of the monster would be able to slide away now. And it seemed to be aware of its imminent demise. Poisonous spit came out aimlessly, as much as it could produce with a torn mouth, but it never landed on the jaguar. Who, wasting no time, lunged forward again, aiming to rip the head off. Viciously tearing through flesh, trying to find a tasty bit to chew on, but giving up when nothing satisfied it. What a nasty creature. What remained of the head rolled down the grass, with a look of horror plastered on its ugly features and its once dangerous tongue hanging out of its mouth. But the jaguar cared very little now, a limp body lay beneath it. This was no meal. But—

It turned toward the alligator, getting a better look at the animal. The jaguar tilted its head curiously. It wouldn’t feast on the monster, its bitter taste still coating the jaguar’s mouth, but wouldn’t the alligator be fair game? It was weakened, bordering on paralyzed. A pathetic beast on the ground. An easier prey would never be seen; rather, not of this size. The jaguar had been unlucky in past outings. The red fog, the beast that cut its tail, the giant termites, and so on. Was tonight the night it gained back its pride, its title of predator? It would be so nice, to wash the awful taste of the monster with a more enticing meal. It stalked forward, amber gaze fixed on the back of the animal’s skull. Where it could land a merciful blow. Rarely inclined to violence for the sake of it. The alligator had the human’s back after all. But something pushed underneath the surface, slowed down its movements. Tried suppressing the animal instinct, the predator impulse that made this the inevitable conclusion to the evening. 

The jaguar grumbled in protest, and unlike the time against the insects, nothing about the battle for the body was kind. Neither the human nor the spirit wanted to let go. There was no kindness or understanding between them. The human wanted control. The jaguar fought back and came out on top, for a moment. Dissuaded from taking on the alligator just yet. Its tongue dragged across razor-sharp teeth, but instead of pouncing, the jaguar approached slowly, its stump for a tail stood tall. Alert. Why would the human –Nicole, it conceded reluctantly– oppose eating it? She never had before. What the jaguar did, was the jaguar’s choice. That much they agreed on. 

But the alligator had made sounds before, hadn’t he? Was that the reason for apprehension? There was no spirit within him, so— What made it different from a common alligator? It was the moment of curiosity, of indecision that had Nicole grasping control. Holding onto consciousness, navigating through the mist, until the jaguar’s body shifted to fit her. Her eyes were wide in surprise, as the edge of the lake welcomed her back into the world. How the fuck did she do that? “What do you need?” she rasped out, a shaky hand reaching for the crocodile’s— or, well she still wasn’t sure— she touched a massive jaw, self-preservation going out of the window at the sight of the animal struggling with his body. 

—

The relief was immense as the cat ripped the stupid beast’s head off, and for a moment, Wyatt was able to relax. That is until he instinctively tried to get back to his feet, only to remember that he could not. Letting out a long, weary sigh, the gator tried to focus on the positive—at least his lungs were still working in spite of the paralytic. It’d be unfortunate if those gave out. Unable to do much else, he laid there in the muck, yellow eyes closed in an attempt to find some calm. But… what of the cat? The woman? 

He peeked with one eye and saw the balam staring at him with a look in its eye that was… unsettling. Familiar—he’d seen it enough times in the reflections of glass and water, but unsettling to be on the other side of it. His jaws parted and he let out a low, rumbling hiss—a warning to back off, as best he could convey in his current state. Something worked, because eventually the cat’s temperament seemed to even out, and then she was back. The woman from the woods. 

Her hand reached for him and he snorted, keeping his mouth open as he felt her fingers brush close to his teeth. Speaking was… proving to be a challenge. He considered shifting to look more like her, but there was a fear that if he got any smaller, the paralytic would do even more damage. All he could do was flick his gaze in the direction of the water, then back down at her. His mouth slowly closed, careful not to catch any of her phalanges, and he tried to get a few words out on the exhale. 

“Home. Warm.” His cabin was across the water, visible as pricks of golden light shining from between the trees on the distant shore. “... push.” His limbs that didn’t want to work right stirred to life, lethargic but scraping and scrabbling in the dirt as he tried to hoist himself up off his belly and drag himself closer to the water. Floating back home would be much easier... all he needed to manage was a few flicks of his tail now and then. 

—

For a second time in such a short period, Nicole had managed to revert the jaguar’s shift. How? What had changed for them to suddenly find ways to understand one another? Was she simply getting better at controlling the beast? It wasn’t the time to celebrate, however. Her chest felt chilly and tight, as if the spirit was trying to squeeze back into position. And in front of her, the crocodile —or…?— looking all too fragile for such a powerful animal. Blood pounded in her ears while she approached the beast. She kept her palm as far away from its teeth as possible, trying not to get bitten in the process. He was struggling, visibly. Bile rose in her throat watching the animal as he tried to communicate. Had the jaguar struggled similarly, with the sleeping dart? Did it put up a fight against the hunter? Tears stung in her eyes, but quickly batted them away. She couldn’t entertain those thoughts when her help was needed.

Home. As soon as he spoke, Nicole’s gaze darted to the lake. Then spotted the lights in the distance, eyebrows knitting while she contemplated the instruction. He certainly didn’t expect her to carry him all the way to the cabin. Right? She was as strong as a firefighter could be, sure, but not carrying a crocodile-alligator-human strong. So— The cabin… The water. Was he like Teagan? Could the lake heal him? Was that what— Did that make him closer to fae than to shifters like herself? Shit. Hardly mattered, didn’t it? What the reasoning behind his instruction was. He wanted to get back into the lake, that much Nicole could understand. “Okay. I will. Need a second” she nodded, pushing herself off the ground.  

Nicole felt the harsh cold against her skin as she searched around for the clothes that were left behind during the shift. Just like her previous encounter with the other jaguar, some of her clothes didn’t survive. When she returned to camp, how the fuck was she going to explain the torn pants? If the plan was to keep making impromptu shifts —her stomach weighed heavy with anxiety, disagreeing with the idea— then she would have to come up with a better system to keep her things safe. She didn't have a large closet to begin with. She couldn’t keep losing more items because of the jaguar. That would be entertaining for Leah, wouldn’t it? A quick excuse to restock her wardrobe. She mentally groaned at the idea of going shopping. She seized her pants and her windbreaker jacket, and quickly put on her clothes again, uncomfortably aware that there was a crocodile gasping and writhing not too far from her. 

But with some layers on, Nicole felt more at ease and prepared to tackle the task at hand. Pushing the animal back to the water. Couldn’t be that hard, especially with the beast trying to help despite being under the effects of the monster’s spit. She moved closer, positioning just behind him and pushed with everything she had left. He didn’t move much, or fast at all, but a few breaks to catch her breath and then finally, came the splashing sound as he slipped inside the lake. Nicole didn’t move, fear bubbling in her chest, frozen as she watched the animal get accustomed to the water. Waiting for something to go wrong. Could he even swim? But he did. He floated, slowly but surely he began moving, switching directions toward his cabin, and then drifted away.  

—

Well… he’d certainly had better hunts. In fact, this might’ve been the worst one thus far. His mother’s voice filled the silence between their joined efforts to get him back in the water. I done told ya boy, ya can’t go messin’ wid every critter ya see. ‘Specially dem ones dat ain’t in da Britannicas. Sense, ya gotta have some sense! She was right, as usual. It’d been stupid to go after that thing like he had—he just hoped the cost of his ego wasn’t permanent. 

Hissing a sigh of relief as his body finally slid into the water, the gator immediately felt somewhat better now that his own body weight wasn’t slowing him down so much, supported by his natural buoyancy. He began to drift back toward his cabin without a word, but then thought better of it. Manners. Manners n’ sense, n’ you’ll get t’rough dis world just fine, boy. 

Angling his head back in the stranger’s direction, he blinked his yellow eyes slowly like a cat might to show trust. They’d probably get that. With some effort, the lamia lifted his head more fully out of the water, parting his jaws to speak again. 

“Thanks,” he groaned. “Wyatt Barlow. Look me up. Owe you a drink.” And with that, he ducked down again so only his eyes showed above the water, flicking his tail as best he could and steering himself back toward the opposite shore. 

#w: paralyzer #w: wyatt #w

[nicsalazar]

Ah I shouldn't be Warm...er than this, is what I meant. Depends where you've been before to know if it'll feel warm for you. I like the summers here.

[pm] You'd be surprised by the kind of shit people talk in public. Not everyone reads though, but doesn't mean it's not dangerous. Never know who's on the other side. I sound like a That I know of, yes. Got less knowledge than I'd like on the water and plants, but I'd still have caution. Depends on your time, I guess. Your work. Weekends alright for you?

Oh. Wicked's Rest is very warm during the summers? [User smiles.] That is good to know. I am excited to experience the summer.

[pm] [...] Ok.

I see. Yes I am aware of the "supernatural". Did you think I was asking about the "supernatural" in my public text? I was not asking about the supernatural but I understand why you were vague with your response. I was asking about the dangers of all the things near the Falls. So it is only the creatures near the Falls that are very dangerous? The waters and the fungi and the plants near the Falls are only the normal amount of dangerous? I will try to avoid the creatures and the beasts. When do you want to lead me to the Falls?

#dm: burrow #dm

[nicsalazar]

I am, yeah. Wish I could say it's got to do with that. Just hate the noise, I suppose. Nacho doesn't like them much either. My dog. Gets pretty jittery.

Glad it was. Don't mind things too much around town, would be my advice. They never last too long. New Year resolutions? Ah. No, don't think so. Do people follow those through? [user considers this] Maybe... would be good, to meet more people. Worry less about work and shit? You made any?

You're a firefighter too though, right? It kind of makes sense that fireworks aren't your favorite - they're not mine either. Too loud and too much pollution.

It was, yes. It was a little strange being alone for most of the holiday season, but I adjusted well enough. Nothing was ruined too much, I think I'm starting to have a little more positivity when it comes to [...] things. I'm glad to hear that! Did you make any resolutions for the new year?

#c: eleanor #c

[nicsalazar]

[pm] Don't think there's any relation? There is. We work with smart people, y'know. Like scientists and forester or ecolo What we do helps. Your group could come learn a thing or two. Good. Pins are stup Think I like bloom better too.

[user is idle for a moment]

So, where are we meeting?

[pm] Right, sure you are. But what's fighting fires gonna do for the biodiversity? It's not going to increase it, just keep it from decreasing too much. We're not going to wear shirts or pins, we've got class. Bloom is catchier.

#dm: ingeborg #dm

[nicsalazar]

[pm] Right. Thought so. Think you're not evil then. You're just a ki Don't know how anyone could have fun with that. One took my Yeah, I've run into a few of them.

[user stares at the tbh for a moment, trying to remember what it means] Yes. Then what are you scared of? Is that too pers

[pm] Oh! No! I don't think I am! I like to be good! I don't want to be evil. Yes, I mean people who do it for fun! You do? That stinks, I'm sorry.

I think so. I think most anything counts, tbh.

#dm: ariadne #dm

[nicsalazar]

That's true. Different's one way of putting it. What is it then, something keeping you from going back?

[pm] It wasn't, no. Sort of. Got complicated history. Didn't show up till I was fifteen. Then it took over Came back... some years ago, so trying to figure out what works best for us. Not very fun, sharing a body. Sort of Trying to keep it intact, yeah. Been shitty at it it seem

Oh. But I'm bad at puzzl What kind of puzzle?

Oh, no. I'd rather be back in the city. I know how to handle it there. Navigating this place is [...] different.

[pm] Used to it? So, the panther hasn't been part of your life for long? [...] It's been a while since I started learning [...] you know at a young age and all. But I can relate. It's never easy. Yea, that sounds pretty bad. Lets make sure it stays in tact then. [...] Helped me figure out a puzzle.

#c: winter #c #dm: winter #dm

[nicsalazar]

I feel like a hermit, guarding painful silences.

Alfredo Bonazzi, from a poem titled "Fairy Copy Notebook,"

#muse

[nicsalazar]

Adria Arjona as Amelia/Five 6 UNDERGROUND (2019)

#mirror #long post #teeth tw #i think?

[nicsalazar]

[pm] [user is alarmed] Are you evil? Did I misjudge No, this is... you mean those trained to do that shit, no? We got our own type too.

Don't think I have any. I offered Why would I feel People like to do shit they're scared of. That count?

[pm] Um! Yes. Or just kill me! Because I am evil or whatever. I do not want to get stabbed at all! That is not fun!

I'll tell you for sure. You'll have to tell me too, if you get ideas. Or tell me if you want! No obligations!

#dm: ariadne #dm