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“Fight for your dreams, Even if that means fighting alone.”

— Paulo Coelho (Hippie)

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why did my last two braincells had to be a sad one and a stupid one

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Depression is not temporary. Depression is always there. You could be out laughing and having the best time ever but knowing in the back of your mind that that moment is gonna end and you’ll experience it again. It’s having people around you tell you and show you they love you but not being able to understand why. Why would anyone love something so broken? Why would anyone love someone who isn’t perfect in anyway. Depression is eating because you know it’s important or always eating because its a temporary distraction. Depression is knowing you want to live and breath but wondering what it would be like to just stop living, not feel all this pain and not being afraid. Depression is wanting to be happy and normal but your own thoughts betraying you and telling you you could never be happy that you don’t deserve it. Depression is loving someone with all your heart but always wondering if you’re enough for that person. But sometimes depression decides to leave you alone for a while and its the best time in the world but then one day when you think you can finally be happy it all hits you. It decides that youre too happy and that you don’t deserve to be that happy. Depression isnt just being sad, its feeling alone and feeling this terrible thing called empty or numb. Feeling like you’re alive but for what reason.

#may2020 #depressing thoughts #spokenword #18yearsold #dark #tumblr

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Natalie Portman in Lèon the professional (1994)

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M O O D +

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Being the one who cares

The one who broke when it all ended

The one who cries when we don’t talk

Who blames themselves for everything.

Yeah it fucking sucks.

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Everyone tells me that I shouldn’t take you back if you ever text me again. Not after the way you treated me. Do you know what I hear when they say this? That you will message me. I ask them, you think he’ll text me again? That’s all I care for. You texting me again.

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Everyone has moments in their life where it was the last time they did something, had something, had someone, but they didn’t know it was the last time. They think there will be more. They think they have forever and you don’t. This wasn’t one of those moments.

We were already over. So so over. I can’t remember now why we ever thought it would be a good idea for you to come and get your stuff from my house. To come and get every piece of you that you had left behind until there was no proof that you’d ever been here at all. But we did and you did and you walked back through my door. Within minutes it was like noting had changed. I laughed at all your dumb jokes, while we watched the tv show we had been watching back before you left and my god was it what I had been wanting. What I had been craving in the weeks since I had last seen you. But as I sat there next to you I realized this would be the last time I ever saw you. The last time you’d smile at me. The last time you’d make fun of me. I wish I could say that this made it easier. It didn’t. Especially when you kissed me. When we went upstairs. And after. When I layed in your arms. When I listened to your heart beat. Laying in the man you loves arms and knowing that he doesnt want you anymore is a kind of pain I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

If there’s one thing I can confindently say, it’s that take those moments, the ones where you had no idea it was the end and charish that. Charish the good, loving moments that became the last ones. Take comfort in those moments because at least in them you were happy, you had no idea what was coming. Because knowing, we think will make the goodbyes less painful. It doesn’t.

4am

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The saddest thing is I’d drop everything to spend time with you but you wouldn’t do the same for me.

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“Stop telling me he wasn’t right for me. I know that, but it doesn’t make me want him any less, doesn’t make me miss him any less. It doesn’t change the fact of how happy we were together. Reminding me he isn’t right for me just makes me wonder, then who is?

— How could it not be me? ( @words-of-heartbreak )

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“I still bring you up because the memory of you is all I have left. I still talk about you, just to taste your name on my tongue again. I still remember everything about you, and I can’t bring myself to forget.”

— once you were mine ( @words-of-heartbreak )

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I’m so sad...

No light, no hope, no future. Nothing that makes me smile. Nothing that can bring back a little spark of hope. I’m done with this endless pain. I’m done with the sleepless nights. I’m done with feeling like everything is against me. I don’t want to fight anymore. Don’t want to be hurt anymore. I wish i could just end it all, for good.

Aletta S.

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im back

im back to the dark place in my mind

where i am all alone

where i am nothing

where i am nobody

where i give up

where i lose connection to everything and everyone...

i hate being in this dark place in my mind, it’s so cold and numbing.

I hate being in this dark place where nothing is bright and beautiful.

i hate this.

i hate it.

but im back. i don’t know how long i’ll stay but i think this time will be longer than last time.

im sorry to myself and those i push away for being back in this dark place.

im sorry i keep fucking up.

i swear i’ll try harder when im out.

but for now i’m stuck.

#dark #depressing quotes #tumblr #life #deep thoughts #fuck life #help

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“You were it for me, the one, for a while. The more I look back we were never anything substantial. We were more like acquaintances that fucked on occasion when it was convenient for you. I gave you my heart completely, blindly. You gave me nothing and left me like I was nothing. You continue to treat me as if I never meant a thing to you. All of me was yours but you, you were never mine. But the way you looked at me still tears me apart, I’d never loved blue eyes. I drowned in yours.”

-K.N.B.

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He stopped texting.

He stopped calling.

And that was it.

He was gone.

Like I never existed to him.

He just vanished.

Taking whatever was left of my heart with him.