scriptofdevilswan

[scriptofdevilswan]

Home always with you.

Oh home, let me come home

Home is wherever I’m with you. 

Oh, Home, let me come home..

                Blurs of sounds. Rustling of movement entering and closing around him. Peeta had no idea what was real and what was false. All the memories loosen in his head, of spinning circles. The last year swirls of thoughts vague visions that whished through his mind. The capital wanted him as a mutt as a weapon. The true meaning behind the warning each time Finnick enter. Ensuring I was locked away, in the cuffs that kept me guarded under control. I hated feeling restrained, I hated feeling like I was incapable of control. Peeta had always been a follower. The Baker boy who only knew how to design each cake, each perfect pastries. He was never seen as the survivor. 

No one expected him to return alive, he only did because of Katniss. At least that’s what I was told. In my blurred mind the capital were pulling strings, telling me the war, the rebels it was all because of Katniss. She was the rebellious and perhaps that was true. Snow told me I was in danger because of her, I needed to end her life; and each time i saw her face I felt the skin on my body boil. I felt the rage, the uncontrollable rage to hurt her, to wrap my palms around her neck and squeeze until her face turned blue, until her color was drained from her skin, and it made me feel powerful, like I was in charge of my own body again. It occurred in phases. I didn’t want to be a monster, I never wanted to be a toy in those games. 

And now all I was, was a pun in the games. In Snow’s games, I was afraid to ask what was real and what wasn’t. I felt numbness, the slight tingling in my fingertips as we held up in this abandoned building, near the capital. The hunt for the rebellion was on. Our frames pictures on the screen, each capital member would be hunting us down, one by one. Peeta was shaken, he felt out of place. He felt like at any second he was capable of pulling free from the cuffs and hurting those around him, it was suffocating. Finnick was the one that held him back, he was the one that glanced in his direction, and told him to stand down, that touch of comfort, of a friend, as if Finnick understood the hold the capital had. And now all I felt was sorrow because Finnick died in the hands of the capital. It was silence tonight; the fear of being drawn, caught, the game was never ending. Peeta always wished it been him. And Gale and others felt that truth; no one uttered a word. Told to rest; we had a long day tomorrow. And Peeta sat in his corner; palms restrained in the circled cuffs, head pounding, he leaned his head back against the wooden wall. 

Gale and Katniss huddled in the corner; spurs of whispers, Cressida sat besides me, the tapping of her weapon against the floorboards was heard; taking first watch. His eyes batted shut in the darkness, repeating the reminders to himself. “ You keep your windows open.” At night; he did? Katiess had spit out facts; about himself, did Peeta have it wrong? Was the enemy Snow? Was the rebellion the war we needed to survive? Mixed notions; hands rolled into fist as he listened to his own raising and falling of his breathing. In a dream, one that felt real. 

Surrounded by trees, the whistles of the songbirds in the distance, Clothed in game gear, by the ocean, sat Peeta and he felt helpless, he felt like there was no way to survive. Together again, the single peal in his palm as he felt the brunette; the braid instantly he felt her lock of hair brush against his shoulder, Katniss, breath hitched on his skin, and he handed the white peal to her; she was the winner, always had been. A moment of silence in the air as she enclosed her fingers around his own. “ Stay with me.” Always he always would. 

And that’s when he jointed awakened; eyes snapped open adjusting to the darkness. Across the room he saw her; her eyes shut, head leaning against the wall same as him. Blurred in the darkness, I tried to kill her; was all the fights lost? Or would I be redeemable, love, real or not.

#TheHungerGames #mockingjay #peeta mellark #katniss and peeta #Fanfic

[scriptofdevilswan]

When you hurt under the surface,

Like Troubled water running cold

Well, time can heal, but this won’t..

                                    Heal the wounds that you never thought you’d have to bare. The scars of mistrust, the scars of your own sins piercing at you. John B was loyal, once he felt safe with you. Once he believed he could trust you he’d fall. John B wasn’t one who was afraid to fight back, given all the near death experiences he’s encountered in the last year. Reckless fights on the beach with the kooks, the fight for dominance with men who had gun pointed at his head. One blink and he’d hear each gunshot fresh in his mind. 

Blinking back the fear, the fear of his life ending before his eyes. His life halted when he felt like he was in scrambles. He let his dad get in his head; reminding him that the only people Routedge men trust are ourselves. John B tried; he knew the Pogues, he knew Sarah he felt sick to himself lying, throwing out fibs to cover his tracks. And when he was asked “ We’re together right?” Sarah’s vulnerable lowered tone; and instantly in my mind I screamed yes; she wasn’t just with me, she was my wife. But my dad; I felt torn within myself. Trapped against loyalty to the pogues and to my dad, my old man who just emerged out of thin air. I longed to see him, to feel his arms around me again, to feel at home. But now I realized I was wrong. 

My dad got controlling in his body; he only trusted me, and I understood. He trusted Ward, the man he was working with to find the treasure and each time he got burned. He was forced into hiding; he lied to me for a year about his death. It made sense in my head. Yet John B couldn’t stop himself from wondering what if? What if I had come clean about the city of gold to Sarah right then? At the Chateau. Maybe I could’ve prevented the secrets; the being dragged against my will towards my death? Or maybe if we stuck together the consequences wouldn’t of resulted in my father being kidnapped. 

Spiraling thoughts; the what’s the cracked knuckles I wore. John B made mistakes; and maybe it would’ve been easy to admit last night at the Wreck where he made a scene in front of thousands of the island, in front of her was a mistake. But he felt so much satisfaction when his fist collide with his stupid smug face. The whole we’re good, no hard feelings. Was Topper for real? He knew Sarah and I were together and somehow he felt it was okay to hook up with her? John be meant it when he said “ We’re done.” He loved Sarah he would’ve given up it all for her. In the long journey the treasure wasn’t gold it was her. 

And now he felt like every vow we made was a lie. She didn’t waste one night after our fight to go running back to him. In the moment I just cracked, I wanted to shut him up. I made a mess, I should be used to being locked behind bars. In a cell, maybe it was made in my blood to end up here. To pick a fight, to throw punches. When he felt small in a sea of people. John B felt his life crumbling, because he followed down the wrong path. He let love slip between his fingers. And now he blamed himself. 

Anger, betrayal it was playing with his head. The second he felt Shoupe place the cuffs on his wrist he knew; he felt the color drain from his face. He knew he probably deserved the punishment. He had bruises knuckles to prove what he did. He acted out of anger; out of hurt. It wasn’t the answer to lose senses, to lose your temper especially on Topper, we’ve done this dance before. 

My father; his life was hanging in a balance. And here I was stone cold in a holding cell. Seated on the cold mental bench; the male held his hands down in the palm of his hands. Bruised knuckles, he felt opening and closing his wrist. He was furious, he was so mad at her. Everything we’ve been through? Hell and high water? The gold, her family, the insecure that crept in. John B was betrayed by the women he thought was his forever. She ran right back to Topper; fell into his arms, hooked up with him, for what? To hurt me? Because I lied? Because I said something stupid in a moment of weakness? Or perhaps the kook life is what the blonde desired? Maybe we’d only been kidding ourselves. To believe our love was forever. 

To believe A girl like Sarah could love me endlessly, I definitely never saw this future coming. Lost in thought; the male had closed his eyes exhaling a loud sigh; trembling lips when he heard the crackling of chains, the keys into the cell and approaching footsteps. He heard the voice, Shoupe. “ It must be your lucky day, Charged dropped.” I heard it the defeat and the instinct whisper of “ For Now.” Eyes snapped open as I slowly pulled myself onto the balls of my feet. Relief to be free; to help my dad, but each step I took I felt like the aching in my chest was persistent. 

One promise broken? How many more times can I forgive? Are we good? Did I want to be good? Or face the wrath of the fight for gold and my father alone again? 

#OuterBanks #Season3 #john b routledge

[scriptofdevilswan]

A light in the dark.

The light in the dark. 

       Dreaming about the day you wake up and find 

that what we’ve been looking for has been here the whole time. 

Being flat against a wall; being told what was expected of you. Being told Poetry was stupid it wasn’t a career path; the more times Archie was told it was a waste of time a piece of him died. A piece of him wanted to crumble his sheets of written words and toss it in the trash. Archie had always been a people pleaser. He had always been the one to ask “ Do you need anything? What can I do to help?” Out of habit; he’s seen his father step up countless times to help those in near. He went to a war zone to help keep innocent people safe; he was confident in himself; his heart of gold. Archie only ever wanted to live up to that legacy, the man his father was. 

Each passing day; each debate in his head from right and wrong the morals he held he felt a pause point. Archie wanted music, he wanted to feel the buzzing of his fingertips each time he held a guitar; or the times he’s held a pen and wrong words on paper with no real intention. Love poems; a reason to how he felt. His uncle on his back; scolding him for naive thoughts; taking any chance to tear him down. And his mother would hold him up; she was a compass a guiding intenergy light. 

But his real light was sitting one door over; Betty Cooper; the girl next door. The blonde who stayed up hours at a time to teach him the basics of math. The girl who taught him how to dance in her bedroom. The girl who had a piece of his heart; and maybe timing was never on his side; either he was unavailable, or she wasn’t. Heart wants what it wants. And Betty; there were sparks; that tingling sensation in his fingers each time a mare brush of our palms interacted. A memory; a feeling like our hearts were allied together; forever; that we’ve been here forfore. Achie had flashes of another time; another life; in this very bedroom. The swell in my chest each time our eyes met; Archie tried to stop himself from feeling crazy; but she never teared him down for dreams; of what he felt was in his heart. Betty was sympathetic, she was a shoulder to lean on. Her touch sent shivers through his body. 

A darkness of doubt; a darkness of wonder; it was in us all. A darkness of feeling as if we were trapped in a cage; Blinking back fears until we can shake ourselves out. Last few months of High School felt like a turning point. Betty and I had been playing this game of cat and mouse; of almost jumping right in, to then we acted as if the moment never happened. Archie wasn’t confused; he had stopped playing innocent; like he wanted to be with anyone else, he wasn’t running to how he felt about her. All the forces; the risks of heartbreak by your own best friend; or the darkness of her mother’s warth didn’t scare me away, And for weeks the concept of sneaking into her bedroom each night; scars on my palms from the climbing of the tree outside her window. It was okay; and I felt fulfilled because I was with her; my chest would pump rapidly as if I was on fire each time we kissed, each time hands roamed along her delicate skin; the softness of our caresses the touches sent waves through us. I’d wake up the next morning with a grin on my face; because I felt her breaths on my skin; and I’d hate rolling out of her bed; and sneak out once again. But it had become a routine; one Archie was uncertain he wanted anymore. No commitments; the insecurities that forced an ache inside of him. He wanted to be selfish; he wanted Betty to himself; he had no desire to share her. Or the fear that the female may slip through his fingertips just like his father had; it scared him. 

And tonight at Cheryls it was a night of consuming, of pent up longing becoming a reality. Goodbyes towards the beacon of looming graduation day. But for Archie it was the night he convinced himself Betty would say yes a pipe dream of being together. A long road; one that landed us here. A night of laughs; of promises. We talked about our plans for the future; one that still felt uncertain, Archie had decided on a future in a writing program offered in Riverdale, he kept that bit to himself; he only wanted Betty’s opinion on it; he wanted a future where she was in it. Even if we spent miles apart from the other. And tonight felt like an ending; magical in a sense. And now in the dimmed room it was only us. 

Betty and Archie; I wore that dorky grin on my face, and her lightly shaded pink lips as our eyes met. Goodbyes never our thing. I remembered fumbling on my own words; but I said it “ I always imagined it be you and me on the road, it started with us Betty, a boy and a girl.” And she said it did; the small touch of her hand to my cheek; I leaned instantly into her touch; and I raised my hand to the corner of her cheek; a tender touch. I was about to say it three simple words; I love you; I had this whole speech in my head; but she beat me to the punch and not in the thrilled happy heart racing kind of way. 

In the two hearts might have broke that night. She leaned in and whispered “ If only Archie.. Our road started here in Riverdale; but that’s all it is. I’ll always hold a special place for you Archie Andrews.” A brokenness; a sadness laced in the air. Two souls meant to be; but trapped in another lifetime, and I knew it would ache; the knowing our love; if it was love ended here; but I held her face in my grasp; and I leaned forward and kissed her. With all the love; all the passion I held for her; one girl who was my light in the darkness. 

Electricity; hit us; sparks; of longing, of desire. And I swore a moment in time stopped with us in this room; doors closed, but that’s not the shock I felt; I saw in the world of light; in Betty’s own home surrounded by family loved ones, My arms wrapped around her; her leaning into my chest; the comet; it was real. Flashes of memories; of confessions; of marriage in her own bedroom came swirling back to me, a life I never thought I’d have; a future that was taken. Overwhelmed with feelings; Archie felt his body shaking when their lips parted and he felt Betty’s hand on his chest. 

Eyes meeting hers lost of uncertainty; of love. “ Betty.” He said the name as if it was the first time. As if a new world; reality was sinking into him.

#riverdale #archie andrews #archie and betty #Fanfic

[scriptofdevilswan]

Secrets and lies

Secrets and lies have a way of destroying you. 

Everything you believed turned out to be a lie. The truth of who left you in the dark; put you at risk. It haunts you day and night. The what if kept popping into her head. Each time she tossed and turned and stared at him. While he slept; Matt; the mysterious stranger she met by chance who was fixing the sink 4 years ago. He had that charm the charismatic attitude that had Tory willingly flirting. She thought it was harmless; the engagement of falling into bed; a bad habit a few times every month felt harmless. In her mind he was one of her sister’s Ava’s good friends. She was sleeping with the devil; she was blinded by the excuses; by how handsome he was. His smirk that had her stomach turning. 

Tory was smart; she was level headed; and she spoke her mind. That dinner the signs were there; the dinner at Ruby’s the tension in the air. The signs when she spoke up about that demeaning podcast that protected the mass Killer of Malibu, she noticed the weird expressions; the way Ava got defensive. She tried to justify the podcast; one that spoke about a mass killer; a murder that walked among us. He was sleeping in my bed. Tory was shocked stone cold the chills that ran  down her skin that day. The day she found out about Matt; the man she’d been causally seeing. It was never serious in the 4 years; we’d have dinner when Tory was in town, but with Law School; her focus was drawn to Chicago where she was based most of the year. We slept together; she opened up to her fears when it came to taking the bar, the nerves she felt when she studied; and he was compassionate; he would place a hand on her shoulder and rub her shoulder as if he cared. But does anyone really care? Or was it all an act? 

Tory remembered the day; she was unexpectedly arriving home; she finished her exams early; it was a beautiful day in Malibu, the birds chipping, the leaves feathering sounds with each movement of the leaves. Tory opened the door quietly believing Ava and her brother in law may be sleeping considering they had a newly three year old who surely kept them on their toes. But when she paused at the door it wasn’t soundless. It was whispers between her family and the guy she was kinda seeing but not seriously. It was about her; the plan for the next podcast; She always wondered why her sister stayed here; with the yearly murders, the mass murder still at a large. Except it wasn’t a mystery now. She was covering for Matt; she listened with her ears perked up with each word. 

“ Thank you for ending it with my sister, if she ever found out about this the podcast, and what you’ve done, it would destroy her. Not to mention do I necessarily trust you not to turn on her next? Look at the amount of ladies that end up dead in your wake.” Mouth gaped open like jaw to the floor. One Matt and herself still saw each other; he even came to Chicago a few weeks back; probably to end it; but she had complimented him at the dinner; the shifty eyes now made sense. But that’s not the part that hurt; it was hearing he left women dead in his wake. Tory was smart brilliant the women of reason especially in this house. And now she knew why. Blindsides distrust it burns you. That day she fumbled through the door; she left as if she never in that sweet home that day. 

She knew how to act and play nice; Tory was more mad at her sister than Matt; but she also was scared to end it; perhaps that’s why a year later in her small shoe box apartment in Chicago; she was still letting him sleep here after a night together. She was naive and stupid; she shivered each time he touch her; how? How was she surviving? Honestly it was her career. She was interning at the law firm here in Chicago; she was fight criminals, and she’s bring her files home, she’s bark up the wrong tree at dinners. Sometimes in a public place; at the restaurants; she’s bring up the topic of killers, how does anyone sleep at night knowing the crimes they’ve committed? She wore that perky smile of hers; with her eyes sorely on him; enough to ensure Matt had no idea she was on to him. She wanted to see him shift; to see him sweat; except he never did. 

He rolled a shrug off; he acted innocent; especially that condescending tone of his “ Sometimes people have impulse of control; they can’t help actions.” Tory had put on the show of her life that night. She felt trapped; like she was truly alone fighting her own battles. She was polite with Ava; especially when we facetimed and she told her about this amazing opportunity that was forcing a move to Seattle, a huge case and her boss asked her to go with him as a consultant. She was beaming; a real smile she barely knew she still had on her. But she was excited because she may get to meet her inspiration; the lawyer that changed it all for her; especially that last year of coursework; Rachel Zane; she was brilliant, she was empowering someone Tory wanted her career to look like. Plus leaving got her away from Matt; it had been days since he left; and her skin crawled each time she remembered where he laid. 

Each smirk, each sound of his voice; it flared anger inside of her. It made her swim in concern for herself. She only could count on herself. Matt filled her dreams; vivid dreams that had her screaming in sweat each time she woke up. The fear his head might snap, the fear he’d laid an uneasy hand on her; wrap his hands around her throat and she’d take her last breath. Her heart was racing, she felt trapped; she wouldn’t breathe until she was miles away from him. 

Settled in her seat; her other consultant was seated next to her; a young man named Drew; we’ve been head to head on each case; each set of notes that landed us higher than the other; and then Chase was our boss who of course was in first class. Window seats her favorite; Tory had leaned back in her seat, hands gripping the armrest. Tightly as if her knuckles were turning white. “ Hate flighting huh?” Drew I had forced a smile and nodded “ Yeah” Maybe that lie would cover how scared I felt that my boyfriend? Fling might not appear when I least expect it. Heart pounding until we heard the speakers announce that we’d be taking off. Gears heard as she watched the wings of the plane adjust, a real smile lifted as she let her eyes sink closed. 

Head back against the headrest, and I felt relieved safe; Seattle for a week is what I needed; despite the thumbing in my chest; the dread to return. Tory was safe; for now; she had a career to make; and that started with one case.

#BasedonATrueStory #ToryThompson #Fanfic #suits #crossover

[scriptofdevilswan]

Let her Go.

You see her when you close your eyes

Maybe, one day you’ll understand why 

Everything you touch surely dies

                                         Each time you hope you try to put in the effort to be better. To be the kind of man who can say exactly how he feels with the happy, the pain that ignite a fire under your skin. You fail. Each time you try to replenish your demons you find yourself falling short. A love that consumed to the death of times leaves you breathless grasping for air. That’s what it felt like with her; with Tessa from the moment I laid eyes on her. Yeah I made mistakes our relationship started as a lie, of deceit. I lied, It was a bet. It would be easy to say it  was all a game maybe knowing it was over now would hurt less. Hardin knew it stopped being a game the second he kissed her. The second her lips touched his salt water swirled around them. Lost in the sensation of her lips. Consumed by her; the love he felt; protective. Too protective, the jealousy each time he felt her slipping away. A fight that left us bickering in the rain, screaming fuck you, or the normal screw you. A fight he would’ve done for the rest  of his life. He wanted her. 

Tessa was everything to him. She made him want to pursue his wants, his inner dreams of longing. He struggled with the idea of letting go, of letting his dark days turn  to alcohol. Each time he replayed the moments in their place, the idea of them together on their couch. Her blonde locks on his lap, his hands holding one of her favorite books as he recited the words to her. A whisper in the night. The repeated nights we stayed in; like this place the loft i brought for us was our hide out from the forces threatening to tear us apart. Her smile, her laugh when I nearly burnt the stove, we laughed, we loved to our hearts content. And suddenly it felt like love, the unconditional consumed love wasn’t  enough. 

It be easy to blame my bad habits. Of tempers when I was left in the dark, or my ability to shut down. I had lied like it was my only ability. I had played a straight face each time I lashed out. When the pain felt unbearable I rather push her bottoms, I’d rather hurt than to come clean. To feel vulnerable, to feel weaken in my devotion to her. Tessa was my life line; she saved me from circling the  drain. I was a piece of shit before I met her. Before I lowered my force fields for her. She was my better place. 

Until the ultimate lie; the games gone, the unexpected was the thing that teared us apart. Hardin had been sober for months now; since the day she told him she wanted distance from him; from us. That we felt suffocating; and yeah I didn’t understand then. But I had hurt her; and each person in her life; her mother, told me if I loved her to let her go. Each time I came crawling up with false apologizes and I did the same shit each time. I pushed her away I’d rip off a piece of trust and her heart each and every time. I lived a life without her. I didn’t want to live another day without her. I loved Tessa. I wanted her and only her. Was wanting? Desiring one person enough to keep us in the others orbit? 

Hardin thought they were forever, despite every fiber screaming at him at she was better off; he couldn’t he couldn’t let go. That last night; the last time I tasted her lips. Heard her moans aloud, the last time we were molded together as one you never believe the last kiss was the last kiss. Except this time my secrets; my book the  words I wrote about how Tessa made me feel. The words of love that kept me at peace tore her up inside. I tried to explain; I didn’t ask for a book, I didn’t ask to be published. But the writer  the poet inside of me was screaming yes. I would’ve never said yes without her blessing, this story was ours; the pain, the happy and everything in between. 

Hardin Scott fell in love, the girl who was opposite of him, the girl who took his breath away. The girl who he loved most in the world; it was her always her. He didn’t lash out as much, He didn’t push the family he had away; he went to visit his mother more; he forgave and he had to say he owed it to her. Teresa Young. She changed him, she was his other half. 

Flashing to the present; he sat in the discomfort of the chairs at the local New York Book store; his reading, his line of audience that came to hear his words. Yet each time he glanced up to the door all he saw was her. Her covered blonde locks. Her pink coat shielding her from view. But I knew it was her; she came. She cared or was it to let go? Each time I hoped to see her face. Her eyes that always took my features in. Her hands tracing my skin with her smaller palms, and i held her face in the palm of my hands, tracing her lips with my  eyes until I’d crash right into her. I Knew Tessa; she needed space and she’d forgive or I was hoping. I had changed for the better; and i had hoped with time the blonde would come back to me. 

We were  two pairs of a whole, inevitable,two souls that were made for each other. 

“ Hardin.. Wrap it up.” I froze in my trance as I glanced up to my publicist, blonde locks in view as she patted my shoulder in encouragement. ‘ Yeah.” I muttered more to myself as I wrote my famous signature now on the book; before I offered that charming smile before I started to stand up. After it was my new legacy; the book that changed who I was. 

Eyes peeled to the door for the very last time as the last of the guests started pouring out those doors. Exhaled sigh of defeat. I was once told to let her go; let her be happy. I never did, I chased until I lost my train of thought. I led with desire and for the first time I did let go. Tessa was free; and I’d be in the wings if she came back.

#fanfic #After #Hardin Scott #Hardin x Tessa

[scriptofdevilswan]

" And it took you five whole minutes."

“ And it took you five whole minutes 

To pack us up and leave me with it 

Holdin’ all this love out here in the hall” 

        Minutes of torture; of the banging pain in my chest. Every stone in my body told me to fight; like I always wanted to. To defend us; to fight for the love I felt for her. That I’d always felt for her; since the second we shared our first kiss on that beach. The salty waters that felt like home. The place we always counted on. The words plunged into my mind from the night before. Jere said if I felt the same; if I loved her and opened my guarded heart again and said the words. Three little words “ I love you.” And Belly felt the same he’d stop, and he’d let her go. He was noble in a sense, but did I have the strength to let her go? 

I asked myself since the moment I aired out those words of sorrow in the night air. “ I didn’t mean it, “ I still want you.” I’d always want her; she was Belly. Smart, she challenged me in ways that no one was capable of comparing. Beautiful, her eyes had a way of setting the calmness in my body. She had this anchor on me; and now I felt numb, lost even. I felt betrayal; why? Because old habits die hard. One second she was asking me why I never told her? Why I never said the words? And truth was I thought Belly knew; knew that night in December; our connected hands; joiets of electricity, the way I looked at her with so much love. I thought she knew. But I also knew now I was scared; scared of losing her again. Hearts wide open I wanted her; except this time she chose him; she fell into the arms of my brother; I felt the shift. I felt the stabbing in my chest. Holding that memory; the necklace in hand; infinity; it was ours; you and me we’d always be.. 

Infinity. 

I saw the writing on the walls, Finch sweatshirt, that expression of hers; the doubt in the air. One last memory of us; a shattered glass sitting on the bed. That necklace, It was hers; it always be hers. And now I release you from us; my heart torn up inside. I stood with my hand holding my backpack upright; to hold myself together. Pained eyes masked; my greatest love now broken, gone. Each step from her, from him my own brother was like a thin line; a place no longer wanted to be. Conrad knew his flaws; he knew he lacked the attention to be open. He had to grapple with more than any college kid should. He mourned his mother’s death; the guilt of not being the son she counted on. In her final months; I’d been splitting time between Brown, Belly and her. When the hard moments came; I let myself freak out on my own; I’d rather hurt than to burden those around me. And maybe it was my downfall; but this time I had placed my heart on the line and lost. 

I knew I had to move on; and until Stansford I knew where my joy I held left laid. And it was in Cousins; rebuilding her legacy, rebuilding the magic of who my mother was. She wanted this house to hold a special place, the joy of laugher, the joy of losing a piece of yourself in happiness. I owed her the rest of this summer. She wanted us to be okay. And I was; I would be. Exhaling lowly as I stepped off the bus; arriving in cousins, I had sent a quick text to Jere to just let him know I was home; to Cousins. The familiar area in view; the aching in my chest present. Glancing up to the markets on full display; I felt an ease a weight be lifted off my shoulders. The smell of freshly made pie, the smell of the flowers and brewed coffee in the air. 

Letting go was hard; we hold love close to our chest and when it shatters into pieces all you have left is to pick yourself up. A new chapter, one I always envisioned with her; a scar impainted on me; I loved deeply and now I had to path a way forward without her. 

#tsitp #fanfic #conrad fisher #belly x conrad #Season 2

[scriptofdevilswan]

You’re my favorite person.

There’s no escapin’ your ghost of love

There ain't a drink strong enough

So I close my eyes and kiss you how I like 

I’ve been waitin’ for you. 

You’re my favorite person. 

The words slipped in a heat of a moment. A moment of vulnerability, a moment of longing. Of an intense gaze that always found itself on her. In a room of crowds of people. In a room filled with echoed screams, of music playing loudly the notes of Party in the U.S.A now zoning out. Steven felt the heat in the air; was it the room? Was it the sound of his rapid heart beats? Or was it his eyes meeting hers in a dark room. He knew he’d been longing for weeks. He knew he was the one that let her slip through his fingers once before. Last summer.. 

At yet another party. The memory of her lips still heavily on his mind. The taste of old wine, or the taste of beer on his lips; yet he remembered that froggy brian thoughts, the flips in his stomach. He never thought about the idea of her. For him it wasn’t because he didn’t find her attractive she was Taylor; gorgeous, she was smart, she was bold, but she was always just Belly’s best friend. The headache that invited herself over for late night pizza dinners, the annoy sound of her voice that echoed in his mind through the years. Except she wasn’t just Belly’s best friend; it was the excuse he used. To convince himself he didn’t think about her. Because how could he? She was forbidden at least he assumed that girl code crap or the sibling code. But obviously his sister never followed those rules considering the predicament. Belly found herself in not just last summer, but this summer as well. Steven was the guy who wanted to follow rules; he wanted to follow the code; but somehow between last summer, and to now he found himself restraining himself. He found himself falling for Taylor Jewel. It happened suddenly and all at once. He realized he was jealous each time she spoke about that singer; that boyfriend of hers Milo, it made me sick to my stomach to see her smiling at him. To see her use her finger to twirl the ends of her dirty blonde hair when her eyes were on him. Still Steven knew he didn’t want to open that can of words unless he felt it was real. He thought pushing down his feelings would force that ache of longing away. But fall turned, Winter, and then Spring and here the cycle came and he still felt that pull towards her. 

She wasn’t just Belly’s best friend anymore, she was the person I wanted to bicker with, the person I wanted to trade insults with. The person I thought about everyday. She held my heart and I was scared. Scared of making it awkward, of being seen as a jerk in her eyes. I cared about what she thought of me. Burying feelings always makes you implode in the end. 

And feelings; showing how I felt wasn’t a strong suit of mind, there were times where I wanted to say it; but the timing never felt right. The urges I felt to hold her hand; I forced the urge down, instead Steven had a way of noticing her likes, of noticing every detail about her. Her favorite food, the way she pushing a stray piece of hair back when she laughs, or her favorite songs. Hints why he learned each kick, each hip movement of that damn Party in the U.S.A song; did he like it? Not as much as his sister and Taylor did. But he showed he cared. The implode of his heart; his chest rapidly beating. 

In a crowd room he only saw her; echoed words traced through his mind. “ You win, the first person to admit they’ve caught feelings lose right..” He was willing to lose for her. He was willing to let his defenses down for her; for the chance to feel her lips against his own again. To feel whole with her. Hands touched her skin; cheeks in palms of his hands. Eyes traced over her features as he leaned close enough to feel her hitched breaths on his skin. Chills rolling down his skin; and for a second he thought he noticed the flicker of anticipation. And he was ready to take the plunge, to press his lips to hers; eyes closed until he heard it. Milo.. he was the one who ruined the moment. A moment Steven had waited for; for weeks. 

The memory of the fight; how he was prepared to go to bat for Taylor; he made a scene and looking back to an hour ago Steven was ashamed. He embarrassed not only himself but her. The last thing he wanted was to hurt her; but the move was hers now; she knew I cared, she knew she was my favorite person. 

Sitting in the darken lit room, back against the wall head leaned back a exhaled sigh escaped his lips. The male had closed his eyes listening to the upbeat music playing. The loud noises of rowdy noise goers probably high on the alcohol or they enjoyed jumping around like animals. Steven was exhausted; the house one last night; giving it a meaning and he was left here; eyes closed as he waited. 

Hopeful and waiting for her.

#tsitp #fanfic #steven x taylor #season 2