scryingdaemon-blog
Better Living Through Chaos Shamanism
Current project: The Astarte Working
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Dying to be abducted. Beginning the long process of contacting unknowable alien intelligence
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Over the weekend during a meditation sesh, I found myself deep in the forest surrounding my sacred space. The forest is not a good place to be. In pure Jungian symbolism, it represents some pretty harsh shit. The places where I hide all my bad stuff.
In this time I encountered The Boy in the Forest That Thinks He’s a Monster and I was 100% not ready for this encounter. I sat cross-legged on the forest floor. It was raining and the rain fell through the dense forest cover on to me. From behind a tree he looked out at me. His skin is marble white and sickly. His eyes are sunken deep into blackened sockets. You can’t really see them but they’re there. The skin of his face is taut over his skull and pulls his lips back away from his teeth in some rictus grin. He didn’t look evil. He didn’t look angry. He just seemed to be curious about the first person he’s seen in the woods, like, ever. Though, I suspect a more horrible thing lurks in those woods, too. Something that I’m not sure I’ll be able to ever kill.
The boy needs to be reintegrated into me. Found. Spoken to. Loved. He needs to know that he can’t keep threatening me and trying to compel me to self-harm. But in the moment I was frightened and ran from him. In that I mean that I opened my eyes and shook it off and gave myself a few minutes before returning to the meditation. Upon returning, I visualized myself sitting in a protective circle. A pentagram made from white stones and an outer protective circle. I found myself in a similar circle outside of the sacred cabin but couldn’t fully keep my hooks in the space and kept getting pulled back from real-time distractions. The flash of a passing headlight nearly gave me a heart attack. I need a dedicated quiet place to make this shit happen if I’m going to keep doing this.
The search for the fourth God is shaping up and it’s looking like a goddess. Durga, sanscrit for “The Invincible”, is a form of Shakti, the mother goddess in Hinduism and a bold warrior that confronts and kills demons. She’s fucking awesome.
The Scrying Daemon app has also turned up something interesting. The Boy in the Forest is sending me a message. It said, “Don’t push me away from me.”
I feel bad having run away. He’s a manifestation of every feeling I’ve ever had when I’ve felt monstrous. Abuse broke him off and cast him into the forest. The paranoia and mental illness brought his monstrous form into being. I need to strip it away and get him back. I think I made him angry. I didn’t hear the voice like I usually do in times of great emotional stress but an actual IRL bird did somehow find its way into one of the toilets in my house yesterday where it eventually drowned as I tried to find a way to get it out without making a huge scene/mess. Sure, there’s a rational explanation about how this sort of thing happens but the timing and circumstances are pretty fucking weird, man.
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