shit-my-weird-ass-friend-says
shit my weird ass friend says
some of the crazy shit that comes out of my friend's mouth (keep in mind we are exes so some of this was said while dating) (blogger: she/they) (friend: he/him)
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"MAGNUM
D
O
N
G"
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"Mfw I have to take a saw to my dong ring"
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Me: "Sir what am I supposed to do pull my tits out in the dentist's office"
Him: "Why not?"
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"He don't like beef, he just like potatuh"
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"What are you gonna do, unshit my pants?"
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Me: "Do you think I'm preeeetty?"
Him: "No"
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"Capitalism can suck my throbbing schmungus"
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"I found out my credit score and I am G o d"
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"I am just crisped up"
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"Suck a fart"
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"If call yourself he/him you're gonna go up and see/him"
#boyfriend#funny quotes#funny#quotes#funny quote tumblr#hes talking about my friend who uses any pronouns who said they were gonna fight him
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"My giRTHY COCK"
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(Jokingly)"Time to watch copious amounts of furry porn"
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"This is not equivalent exchange"
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"Aha, you have fallen right into my nerd trap"
#boyfriend#funny quotes#funny#quotes#funny quote tumblr#nerdy boyfriend#this was in our first ever conversation too
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"I'm so white I'm not even a cracker. I'm a crackuh"
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"YOU ALMOST HAMMERFISTED MY BALLS"
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