shrucelium

[shrucelium]

Cannot tell the difference between teenage angst and a genuine problem.

Have I disliked my mother for a while or is this just something that happens? Is my memory ever going to get better? Can i ever remember yesterday without having to pause in my steps and genuinely think? Is sleep ever going to get less scary? Is whats left of me what defines me or the pieces I’ve left behind?

#Help im having a crisis #what if it doesn’t get better? #shrucelium

[shrucelium]

My sibling is not my friend My sibling is not my friend My sibling is not my friend My sibling is not my friend My sibling is not my friend My sibling is not my friend My sibling is not my friend My sibling is not my friend My sibling is not my friend My sibling is not my friend My sibling is not my friend My sibling is not my friend My sibling is not my friend My sibling is not my friend My sibling is not my friend My sibling is not my friend My sibling is not my friend My sibling is not my friend My sibling is not my friend My sibling is not my friend My sibling is not my friend My sibling is not my friend My sibling is not my friend My sibling is not my friend My sibling is not my friend My sibling is not my friend My sibling is not my friend My sibling is not my friend

#he is emotionally responsible for me #he has to care #i gotta keep reminding myself this man- #siblings #shrucelium

[shrucelium]

Everytime i go to a friends place i get jealous like, what do you mean you can *talk* to your parents??? What do you mean you can communicate with them and have actual interesting conversations and tell them about your hobbies?

What do you mean you didn’t have to translate government documents at six?

#i cannot believe this shit #your parents learnt a language for you? cant relate #the struggles of an immigrant child #i dont know how am i meant to speak with adults in a respectful manner #shrucelium

[shrucelium]

cant wait to sing those unsung prayers i have in my cupboard

#might have to add it to my obituary though #I've kept my prayers beneath hushed breaths with a bravado of insult and disdain #i am not ready to stare at the gods i prayed to in the eyes and ask if i am deserving of salvation #am i worthy of your love 'o lord? #do you love me my lord? #or do you frown down at me with the same hate as mankind to its creations? #wait this turned oddly biblical #that was not intentional #you know what i mean #shrucelium

[shrucelium]

''I miss the womb'' this ''it was so much simpler'' that until you actually have to go back and be trapped within the sticky, humid grasp it had on your body.

Its dark, its cramped and so ungodly warm. It hugs you because it has to, and sustains you because thats its responsibility. The suffocation and stench makes you wonder why you ever wanted to be back in the first place. You will look out and yearn for independence and freedom yet look back and weep over what you'd lost.

I bet those 9 months were the worst thing i've ever had to live through, and the best thing I could every think back upon.

#shrucelium #i ponder the womb #i miss my mom #until i dont #is this a vent? #a poem? #misplaced nostalgia? for whom? my mother? #ramblings

[shrucelium]

The purest form of love I can offer is choosing to immortalised through you instead of being immortalised through rock and stone

#shrucelium #i love you #but like #being remembered #i am severely sleep deprived #i am also severely conflicted #idk how to tag this #how does tumblr work

[shrucelium]

am i just meant to sit and wallow like we've done for centuries before or am i meant to cry out to humanity and hope someone answers my call?

Seasonal blues are so real, sometimes you just sit there and blurt out things like

“ please look at me like you love me before i rip apart at my seams trying to love you”

Like okay you depressed emo ass, didn’t need to hear that

#WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME??? #goodluck prying me from the earth and washing the dirt beneath my nails #it feels like when you accidentally stay up later than you planned to #and now all thats left for you to do is to justify the actions you yourself said you’d never do #Line? what line? the water washed it away and i have long forgotten where ive drawn it #shrucelium

[shrucelium]

Seasonal blues are so real, sometimes you just sit there and blurt out things like

“ please look at me like you love me before i rip apart at my seams trying to love you”

Like okay you depressed emo ass, didn’t need to hear that

#like what more do you want from me? #what more do i want from you? to love this sour lemon bowl of a heart? #shrucelium