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02.22.24.22.40 - it feels like there's a thick fog enveloping my memory, shrouding every moment, preventing me from reliving it all.

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J28

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not to get all sad for no reason but something nobody tells you about growing up is that a part of you is just a little girl who is yelling ‘please like me please love me please tell me i am good’ at everyone you meet and most of your day is just trying to ignore her

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Remember that time when you felt like something was too much, and there was no way you’d get through it?

You did. And you can do it again.

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TW: Vent, possible miscarriage

So either I passed a very large blood clot or I just miscarried in my work's bathroom... But I don't want to tell anyone because it's a holiday and I don't wanna ruin it. But the possibility of it hurts me so much

#personal vent #vent post #tw vent #vent #venting #miscarriage

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Past 3

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Rebecca Ross, Divine Rivals

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Mary Oliver, from “Whelks”, The Truro Bear and Other Adventures: Poems and Essays

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You are under no obligation to heal in a “pretty” way. Or a way that society expects. Healing is messy and chaotic. And it’s okay if you show that sometimes.

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It’s okay to be angry. It’s okay to be sad. It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about your trauma. It’s okay if you feel like you can’t stop talking about it. There isn’t any one “correct” way to react to trauma.

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It’s okay to be angry about having to heal from things that others did to you. It’s okay to be angry about having to spend time healing.

While a lot of people say you need to deal with the hand you’re dealt, and that’s true, it’s also okay to take a minute and have feelings about what you’ve been dealt.

It isn’t fair. And it’s okay to acknowledge and feel that.

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You didn’t learn to be kind because of your trauma. Your abusers never taught you more than ‘how to take shit out on those more vulnerable than yourself’. You became kind despite it. You refused to learn from those who lacked the integrity to teach you, and found there was a better way of life. Abuse didn’t make you kind. You created everything you are.

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Hey teenagers—

As a 25 year old (getting closer to 26), I want to let you know something. I’m sure this has been said before, but it bears repeating: Adults view you as children. Babies. Someone saying you’re mature for your age is just trying to manipulate you. Run.

I remember when I was 14, thinking someone who was 24 wasn’t all that much older than me. I am so very lucky that the adult man I wanted so badly to notice me was very firm on his boundaries and didn’t prey on my eager innocence.

I look at people under the age of 18, hell, under the age of 22, and I still see someone with baby fat on their face. That’s a child. Unless you’re a predator, there’s nothing attractive about a child. I may still live with my parents, but I am no where near the same state in my life as a teenager, even one who is legally an adult.

Just knowing how much my emotional processing has changed in the last two years alone, things that were emotionally overwhelming to me in my early twenties are pretty manageable at 25. Now imagine someone who knows that your brain can’t handle as much stress as theirs uses that to play on your feelings and get you to make choices you otherwise wouldn’t have.

Is that to say every adult that tries to talk to you is evil and bad? No. You may even be friends. But best friends? Or someone who repeatedly tells you how no one else understands? That’s no good.

I hope it makes sense what I’m saying—if I was 14, 15, whatever—and someone told me I looked like a baby I’d be upset. I’d be hurt, because I wanted to be grown. Having an appropriate level of autonomy and respect is good for a teenager! Having adults romantically pursuing you is not a sign or maturity, or of being respected as an equal. It’s a sign they view you as easy prey. An adult who genuinely cares about you will not try to date you.