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suddencolds · 7 hours
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Echoing some of the opinions of others, but you're so thoughtful, genuine, and patient. I can tell you think a lot of others, and I always want to be like...idk, I hope you extend that kindness to yourself, too? You have such a mellow, cool vibe and it's just very nice.
I feel calm whenever I look at your blog and read your work (even when you're stressing the hell out of Yves and Vincent, haha). You're one of my favorite blogs and just a lovely person to talk to. I admire how you write and the care you put into your work, and I'm not very good with words right now but I just think you're great. <3
😭😭😭 This is so sweet, and it was such a treat to receive this—I'm really happy to hear that I give off those vibes to you!!! You seem like such a lovely person to talk to too, anon, and whoever you are, I hope everything's going well for you!!
Also when I read "even when you're stressing the hell out of Yves and Vincent," that made me giggle (I really do stress them out often, huh) 😭 Thank you for your kind words!!! ❤️❤️
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suddencolds · 1 day
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you’re incredibly thoughtful. i feel like i really connect to the way you express your observations of the world, and whether it’s a general post or a fic you’ve written i always find myself excited to read your thoughts. i think you give a lot of yourself to others and that writing in general means a lot to you- which is evident from the thoughtful way you respond to other people’s work and the support of your own. all the praise you get is well deserved, and i always find myself happy when you express your small victories and wishing you the best through the online glimpse i get of life’s ups and downs 😭
🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️ ASTER AFKJLJKJSFHXFJKAL THIS IS SO SWEET WHAT 😭😭😭😭😭 Thank you so sincerely for the kind words!! It means a lot to me that you read my more long form/unstructured thoughts; tbh every time I share more personal musings about my life on here, it kind of feels like posting to a void, so I'm always pleasantly surprised when people find them worthwhile to read 😭
What you said about my work is so kind too? Thank you!!! I am always excited to read your thoughts too; hearing your thoughts on fandom and relationships and writing/prose is always so interesting, it always gives me a rush of joy when I see messages from you. I feel like this is I wasn't expecting such a nice ask, reading this brought me so much joy 😭❤️
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suddencolds · 2 days
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A significantly warm, thoughtful person.
This is so sweet; thank you, anon!!! I'm always worried that people irl perceive me as disinterested/unapproachable, so I'm really glad you see me as someone warm 🥹❤️
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suddencolds · 2 days
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I admire how you treat everyone like a friend. Whenever I see you interact with people on your blog, I notice the transparency and sincerity of your words, and I admire that it shows through your writing as well. I think people who interact with you feel seen with how you treat them.
You are very attentive to everyone and the things that happen around you. This is a strong opinion as an anon (so sorry! I hope this doesn’t make you uncomfortable) but even through lurking, I feel like I have known you for years.
!!!!!!!!!!! 😭😭😭 Omg, I cannot properly express how much of a joy it was to receive this ask. This means so much to me, anon!! Thank you so much for your kind words, and for making me feel so welcomed here—I can only try to return the kindness others have shown to me 😭 ❤️
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suddencolds · 2 days
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for the anon thing— you are very sweet and i feel you sell yourself short/dont give yourself enough credit nearly as much as you should!! i also really appreciate the kindness youve shown me. dont overwork yourself on your stories, but whenever theyre done, i cant wait to hear them!!
Thank you for the very kind words, anon!! 😭🙏 It's been a very tiring day, so it was nice to hear this. Thank you for looking forward to my stories too!
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suddencolds · 3 days
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reblog this if you want anonymous opinions of you
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suddencolds · 4 days
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hi hi vanessa! what anime have u been watching recently? looking for recs to kill some time (may or may not also be for fetish purposes ehehe)
Hi anon!!! This is such a fun question, and I'm sad to say you caught me at a time where I have a very boring answer to it T.T It's already late April, but I've finished a total of two (😭) animes this year. (So few, I know! I wish I had more to recommend you 💔)
Between work and everything else, it's just been a hectic time... (I also have a couple I have to get around to finishing 😭😭 I've been putting off watching the last few eps of J//JK s2, because the friends that I've watched the rest of s2 with have been busy. I also started Fri//eren back in January; I just haven't found time to get back to it 😵‍💫)
I did finish Cher//y Magic! 🍒 (Though if you're sending me this message, I feel like you probably have already seen it around?). It's such a cute, fluffy romance/slice of life, that—despite its fantastical premise—is actually quite grounded, imo... a very cozy watch overall <3
I've also been wanting to watch Shi//guang Dai//liren (Link Click) at some point! I was also talking about watching Sa//saki to Mi//yano with a friend (if you're reading this, hi!)
Anime-wise, I have nothing to offer you on the snz front 🙇‍♀️ I have been very bad about setting aside time for myself to watch things. BUT if you ever watch any of the aforementioned shows, and want to talk abt them with someone... or if you want to watch/read something with me book-club-style... please feel free to hit me up :D
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suddencolds · 5 days
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I want somebody to read snzfics to me like an audiobook.
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suddencolds · 6 days
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Commission for @indulgnc of 🌱 and company!
If you like my drawings, and are willing and able to do so, please consider commissioning me, pledging to my Patreon, or donating through ko-fi ☕! You're not obliged to, but every bit helps to keep me living decently and I really do appreciate it!
❗ PLEASE NO REBLOGGING TO NON-KINK BLOGS ❗
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suddencolds · 8 days
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What about this one:
Someone sleeps through their alarm, but then wakes up 10 minutes before they’d need to leave for their destination, so… enough time to just barely make it, but not enough time to truly assess their symptoms before the adrenaline wears off.
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suddencolds · 8 days
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Atypical Occurrence [1/?]
Happy birthday to my dear friend, @caughtintherain!! I wanted to give you some Vincent suffering to chew on for the occasion, so please take this fic (or, first part of a fic) as a gift <3
this is an OC fic - here is a list of everything I’ve written for these two! chronologically, this fic takes place a month or so after the last installment leaves off :)
Summary: Vincent shows up late to a meeting. It just goes downhill from there. (ft. fake dating, the flu, a house visit)
Vincent is late.
Yves tries not to stare at the empty seat across from him. The meeting—their first meeting of the day—started five minutes ago. If there’s anything Yves knows, it’s that Vincent always comes in early. 
In stumbles Cara, handling a morning coffee with probably more espresso shots than anyone should have at 8am. Then Laurent, briefcase in one hand, paging through a folder of files in his other. Then Angelie, Isaac, Garrett, Ray, Sienna. Then they get started, and Yves turns his attention towards the graphs projected onscreen at the front of the room, and tries very hard not to think about Vincent.
It’s five minutes later that the door swings open, near-silent.
Sienna—who’s presenting—stops, for a moment, to look back at Vincent from where he’s standing in the doorway, which means that of course, everyone looks.
Cara turns around in her seat, raising an eyebrow. Angelie frowns at him. 
“Sorry I’m late,” Vincent says, quietly. “It won’t happen again.”
Isaac shrugs. Angelie looks a little concerned, but she turns back to her work, anyways. Sienna resumes her presentation. All in all, it’s nothing—or it should be nothing. Probably traffic, on the way here; a particularly unlucky commute. An unlikely occurrence, but—to anyone else—not anything worth dwelling over.
It might be a sufficient explanation, if Yves didn’t know better.
Vincent takes care to close the door quietly behind him, then heads over to the only open seat, across from Yves. He unzips his briefcase, quietly, unobtrusively, and takes out his laptop. Yves tries to focus on what Sienna is saying—she’s giving a review of a client’s current investment strategies; he’d reviewed her work on this just a couple days ago.
Vincent asks good questions throughout—he always has a good sense of what areas still lack clarity, Yves has found. Today is no exception. He takes part in the meeting with such calculated precision that Yves almost misses it.
Almost misses: the slight stiffness to his shoulders, as if it’s taking more than the usual amount of effort to keep himself upright. The way in which he clears his throat before speaking, like it might actually hurt. The way he rests his head on one hand, halfway into the meeting—as if even now, barely forty minutes into the workday, he’s already exhausted.
It’s subtle enough to go unnoticed, subtle enough that Yves wonders if he’s just reading too much into it—if, perhaps, Vincent is fine, after all.
He doesn’t see Vincent again until lunch.
Or, more accurately, he doesn’t see Vincent again until he’s headed down for lunch with Cara and Laurent. Vincent is already on his way out of the cafeteria, a takeout container in hand.
“You’re not going to eat here?” Yves asks.
Vincent doesn’t look at him. “I have some work to get done at my desk,” he says. He clears his throat again, like it’s irritating him.
“Okay,” Yves says. Vincent turns to leave, and Yves thinks of a hundred ways in which he could possibly prolong this conversation, and then decides against it. Vincent is already so busy.
“You look tired,” he settles on, instead.
He expects Vincent to dismiss this, to reassure him that it isn’t true. But Vincent looks up at him at last, blinking, as if he’s surprised that Yves noticed at all. His eyes are a little dark-rimmed underneath his glasses.
He doesn’t deny it, which is as much of a confirmation as Yves needs.
“The sooner I can get this work done, the sooner I can go home,” he says. Yves supposes he can’t argue with that.
“I guess I’ll see you around, then,” Yves says, even though he wants to say more, even though he feels like there’s more that he should be saying. “Don’t work too hard.”
Vincent nods, at this, and resumes walking.
Yves is probably overthinking it. There isn’t anything concrete, really, to justify his concern.
Vincent’s lateness to the meeting could just as easily be the consequence of an alarm he’d forgotten to set, his exhaustion just as easily a side effect—of recent late nights in the office, of arbitrary changes to the projects he’s on, of last-minute demands from clients.
The next time he sees Vincent is at the end of the work day. Yves always takes the elevators on the north end of the building—they’re ones that lead directly out into the parking garage. When he gets out to the hallway, Vincent is already standing there, waiting for the elevator.
Yves watches Vincent stiffen, slightly. Watches him raise one hand up to his face to shudder into it with a harsh, “HHihH’iKKTSh-hUH!”
A thin tremor runs through the line of his shoulders, as if he’s too cold, even though the office air conditioning is no colder than usual. His hand, cupped to his face, remains there for a moment more before he lowers it.
He sniffles, then, rummaging through his pocket for—something. When he doesn’t find it, he just frowns a little, sniffling again. 
“Bless you,” Yves says.
“Yves,” Vincent says, his shoulders stiffening a little. He clears his throat, turning around so that he can address Yves properly.
It’s only a few seconds later that he’s turning sharply away, tenting both hands over his nose and mouth for—
“Hh-! hHiH—HIHh’DZSSschh-uhh! snf-!”
“Bless you again.” 
Vincent sighs. “Don’t bother.” He really looks exhausted, Yves realizes. During their brief interaction at lunch, he’d already sensed as much, but the harsh white glare of the bright corporate lighting only makes it more evident.
Vincent looks a little paler than usual, if only slightly, and there’s a slight flush that spreads itself over his cheekbones. He looks—well, nearly as put together as always, distilled only by the slight crookedness of his tie, as if it’s been on too tight; the near-invisible sheen of sweat over his forehead. The slight redness to the bridge of his nose, the slight shiver to his hand as he reaches up to adjust his collar.
Yves frowns, taking this all in. “You look kind of…”
“Terrible?” Vincent finishes for him.
Yves winces. “...Well, terrible is a strong word. I was going to say, you look like you could use some sleep.”
“I’m… feeling a little off,” Vincent says, staring straight ahead, as if it’s not an admission at all. But Yves suspects, from the way he avoids eye contact, that perhaps it was something he was intending on keeping private. “You should keep your distance.”
The elevator dings. The sliding doors part, and he steps inside. 
“First floor?” Yves asks, hesitating next to the panel of buttons.
“Yes,” Vincent says. Then, quietly: “Thanks.”
“You know, now that busy season is over, the world is not going to end if you take a sick day,” Yves tells him. “Even if you do like, twice the amount of work as everyone else on the team, if you needed to call out, I’m sure something could be arranged.”
Vincent smiles at him, a little wryly. “I must look pretty bad if you’re saying this to me.”
“Yes, I was lying,” Yves says. “Clearly, you look terrible.”
It isn’t true at all—even here, even like this, Vincent doesn’t look terrible, not even in the least. But Vincent still smiles, at this—a tired smile.
The elevator doors slide open.
“Text me if you need anything,” Yves says, impulsively. “Seriously. Tissues, soup, medicine—whatever. It’s not far of a drive.”
“That’s very considerate of you,” Vincent says. “I will see you tomorrow.” And then he steps out of the elevator, and Yves is left with an inexplicable sinking feeling in his stomach. As far as he knows, it has no place there. Obviously, Vincent can take care of himself. Obviously, Vincent can handle a cold. Yves has nothing to be concerned about.
The next day is rainy—a constant, torrential downpour, which makes his commute to work take almost twice as long as it usually does. It wouldn’t be spring here, Yves supposes, without dreary weather like this.
Back in uni, when he rowed crew, they’d practice out for hours out in the rain. Now that he spends the majority of his day inside, he supposes he can’t complain. The shelter of the office building is a reprieve.
Vincent doesn’t show up.
“I think he’s out sick,” Cara says, when Yves asks. “You know, it’s funny. I don’t think I’ve actually seen him take a sick day before.”
“For how hard he works, he definitely deserves one,” Garrett says.
“He seemed fine yesterday, when I saw him,” Cara says, with a shrug. “Probably came on quickly.” Yves nods.
But that isn’t quite right, is it? Vincent hadn’t seemed fine, had he? Yves thinks back to the things he’d noticed—Vincent, uncharacteristically exhausted during the meeting, though it was clear he’d been just as engaged as usual. Vincent, shivering in the elevator, telling Yves to keep his distance. How poorly had he been feeling already, yesterday? How poorly does he have to be feeling today to have called off of work for it?
He finds some time just before lunch to text.
Y: how are you holding up? Y: yesterday’s offer stands if you need me to bring you anything!
He doesn’t get a response from Vincent, which is a little concerning. He checks his phone halfway through lunch, and then twice more, in between his afternoon meetings, just in case he’s missed a notification.
“Are you expecting a text from someone?” Cara says, looking a little curious.
“Just a friend,” Yves says, which is and isn’t true.
To make a point—to Cara, and possibly to himself—he shuts his phone off. He very pointedly does not look at it again for the remainder of the hour.
It’s not until mid-afternoon that he finally gets a response.
V: Sorry to get back to you so late.
Yves sits upright, fumbling with his phone to get it unlocked. The text bubble pops up again, somewhat intermittently, to show that Vincent is typing.
V: If it’s not too much trouble, there’s a blue folder on my desk labeled 2-A.
Yves blinks at this, a little disbelieving.
Y: you’re asking me to bring you work files? Y: arent you supposed to be resting 🤨 Y: paid sick leave, remember? as in, leave your work at work??
V: I meant to pack them yesterday.
Y: that’s like a genie grants you 3 wishes and you ask for an extra day of assignments Y: terrible waste of a wish if you ask me
V: As a genie, you’re quite judgmental
Y: ok ok Y: as your loyal lamp dweller i’ll be over around 8pm with folder 2-A  Y: you need anything else? 
V: Nothing else V: You can just leave them outside my door 
A beat. Then Vincent sends:
V: Sorry to trouble you
Yves thinks of twenty responses he wants to send to that text. Then, thinking better of himself, he shuts his phone off and gets back to work.
It’s a little past seven when he finally checks out of the office.
Outside, the rain hasn’t even begun to let up—it falls, straight and heavy, in large, globular droplets. The streets gleam with water. Yves leaves his umbrella in the trunk, tunes out everything but the static of the rainfall, and drives.
Yves has only ever been to Vincent’s apartment once—to pick him up for the New Years’ party Margot hosted—and even then, Vincent had met him at the door. But he recognizes the unit, nonetheless.
For a moment, he considers leaving the folder of files outside of Vincent’s door and taking his leave.
But it’s windy, and he’s afraid the papers might fly away, torn up by the biting wind, and get lost face down in a puddle somewhere, which would defeat the purpose of him coming here in the first place, and would probably also breach some employee confidentiality policy. So instead, he knocks.
It’s silent for a moment. Rain beats down on the slanted rooftops, a constant thrum. 
Yves is about to reach out to knock again, when the door swings open.
There stands Vincent, in a pale blue hoodie and loose-fitting pajama pants, with neat rectangular cuffs.
He looks tired. It’s the first thing Yves registers—the unusual fatigue to his expression, which he can’t quite seem to blink away; the flush high on his cheekbones. The way he holds himself, his shoulders stiff, carefully, defensively; as if despite his exhaustion, there’s a part of him which wishes to appear presentable still.
It’s only a moment later that he’s taking a halting step back, ducking into a hoodie sleeve. Yves catches the shiver of his expression, his eyebrows pulling together, before it crumples, and his head jerks forward with a harsh—
“hHihh’GKkTT—! Hh-!! iHH-’DZZSCHh-uuUh!”
The second sneeze sounds louder and harsher than usual, even muffled into the fabric of his sleeve. It betrays his congestion all at once. 
“Bless you,” Yves says.
Vincent emerges, sniffling a little. When he speaks, he sounds a little hoarser than he did yesterday. “I thought I said you - snf-! - could leave them on the front step.”
“You did,” Yves says, glancing down at the folder in his hands. “But it’s windy, and it’s raining. I figured you’d prefer to have your files intact. How are you feeling?”
Vincent blinks at him. He’s leaning heavily against the doorframe, Yves realizes, one hand gripped tightly around the frame, his knuckles white from the pressure, as if it would take him too much effort to stay upright otherwise. 
“Alright,” he answers. “Thanks for making the trip here. I… it must’ve taken longer, in the rain.” He squeezes his eyes shut, as if his head hurts, as if the light coming from outside is exacerbating his headache. “If you ever need me to pick something up for you, I owe you.”
“You don’t owe me anything,” Yves says. Despite himself, he reaches up to press his hand against Vincent’s forehead.
The heat under his fingertips is alarming, to say the least. Yves blinks, lowering his hand, and tries to keep the worry out of his voice. “Have you taken your temperature?”
Vincent shakes his head. “I don’t think I have a thermometer.”
“Have you eaten, then?”
Vincent averts his glance, looking sheepish. “I… was planning to stop for groceries, yesterday,” he says. Planning to.
Yves thinks back to the elevator ride yesterday. Vincent had probably already been feeling very unwell, then. And yet, he’d talked with Yves as if nothing was out of the ordinary. I’m feeling a little off, he’d said, as if anything about his current affliction could possibly be characterized as “little.” I will see you tomorrow—as if he had really, genuinely been intending on showing up at work. 
“So I take it that there’s nothing in the fridge, either,” Yves says.
“If it’s any consolation, you’ll be pleased to know that I slept,” Vincent says, in lieu of answering.
Then he shivers—the sort of concerning, full-body shiver that is a little concerning, coming from someone who is usually unaffected by the cold—and Yves is immediately reminded that the door they’re speaking through is open.
“Can I come in?” he asks.
“You probably shouldn’t,” Vincent says, before his expression scrunches up, and he’s ducking away with a— “hh—! hHih-II—TSSCHHh-UH! snf-!”, smothered hurriedly into the palm of his hand. He sniffles, emerging with a slight wince. “This came on pretty quickly. It might be the flu.”
“It’s fine,” Yves says. “I got my flu shot in the winter. And anyways, I’ll be careful.”
Vincent is quiet, for a moment. Then, frowning, he says, “I’d feel terrible if you caught this.”
That’s the least of Yves’s worries—he doubts he’s going to catch this. Even if he does, it will just mean a few days off of work. Not the end of the world, by any means. Nothing to warrant the expression on Vincent’s face—Vincent looks upset, as if he’ll really can’t think of anything worse than Yves catching this. Like even the thought of it is worth being upset over.
Yves shakes his head. “Don’t worry about it, seriously.” He pushes past Vincent to step inside and shuts the door behind him. “Here, I’ll set these down on your desk. Where is it?”
“Down the hallway, to the left,” Vincent says.
Yves takes the folder, leaves his shoes at the door, and heads inside. 
Vincent’s bedroom is small and organized—it’s the kind of bedroom that’s tastefully minimal, in the sort of unified manner that implies that everything in it has been carefully arranged. There’s a small white desk in the corner, a stack of files arranged neatly next to Vincent’s laptop, its lid halfway to shut. There’s a bookshelf, leaned up against the wall far; the bottom shelf looks to be filled with textbooks; the top shelf lined with books, both in Korean and in English. The walls are painted slate gray, the carpets lining the floorboards picked out to match, and there are pale blue curtains hanging from the windows, pulled tightly shut.
There are signs here, too, of his illness, but they are subtle. A tissue box, nestled between his pillow and the headboard, half empty. A waste bin at the foot of the bed, conveniently in reach. A small bottle of aspirin on the bedside counter; an empty packet of cough drops sitting at the edge of his nightstand.
Yves sets the folder at the end of Vincent’s desk, next to the rest of his files, and turns to face him.
“You’re not going to work on these until you’re feeling better, right?” he asks.
“Only if I can’t sleep,” Vincent says, which Yves supposes is a satisfactory answer. Then he twists away, his eyebrows furrowing, lifting a loosely clenched fist to his face to cough, and cough. 
The cough is harsh and grating—his entire frame shudders with the force of it, his breaths shallow and raspy. He really sounds awful. This must have come on quickly, Yves thinks.
If it’s upsetting, seeing Vincent like this, it’s even worse to be standing here, in his room, doing nothing. So—if only to make himself useful, if only to convince himself that there’s something he can do—Yves ducks out into the kitchen.
The pantry is meticulously organized—glasses lined up in neat rows; stacks of bowls sorted by size. He fills a glass with water, shuts the cabinets, and takes it back to the bedroom. 
By the time he gets back, Vincent is sitting at the edge of his bed. His glasses are folded neatly, left at the very edge of the countertop.
“Here,” Yves says, crossing the room, holding out the glass for him to take. 
“Thanks,” Vincent says, taking it gingerly from him. He takes a small, tentative sip, and then another—his hands are a little shaky, Yves notices. “You - snf-! - should really go.”
“I’m not entirely convinced you’ll be fine on your own,” Yves says.
“Of course I will be,” Vincent says, with all of his usual certainty. He lays down, pulling the covers over his body. “I have been fine on my own for years.”
It’s meant to be reassuring, Yves supposes. But he doesn’t feel reassured in the least.
“Thank you again for bringing me the files,” Vincent says, at last, shutting his eyes.
“You could’ve asked me to get you groceries,” Yves says. “There’s a supermarket not far from here, right? And you’re out of cough drops.” He takes a few steps over, towards the desk in the corner of the room. “These—” He examines the bottle of ibuprofen on the table. “—are expired.”
“Just because you’ve extended this kindness to me,” Vincent tells him, “doesn’t mean I should take advantage of it.”
Yves blinks, a little taken aback. “It’s only groceries. I wouldn’t have minded, really.”
“See,” Vincent says, with a note of—something in his voice. It sounds a bit like resignation. “That’s just the kind of person you are.”
Yves doesn’t know what to say, to that. 
Before he can think up a fitting response, Vincent’s breathing evens out. Yves lets himself listen to the shallow, steady cadence of it. Lets himself acknowledge the heavy, painful feeling in his chest for just a moment. Then he shuts the lights off and heads back out into the hallway.
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suddencolds · 9 days
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Hellooooo yes it’s me, I’m alive haha. I’ve missed y’all lots, and I want to get back to writing soon. I’m hard into the Hella/verse sphere right now and have some plans to write some Stol/itz stuff (for Bli/tz specifically bc I love him dearly) so I’m excited to finally contribute to one of my current favorite fandoms for my #1 favorite community 🥰💕
Some personal stuff I wanted to talk about under the cut:
So, my financial situation has taken a bit of a scary turn. I’m only making enough to pay immediate bills and buy food currently - and have unfortunately fallen very behind on debts I accrued before I moved. I was living alone for quite a few years over the pandemic, which included some sudden job changes and several hospital stays that led me to turn to any financial resource I could to continue to be able to afford the rising cost of rent on top of unexpected expenses being thrown in my lap.
Now that I’m living with my SO, I’ve been slowly able to start paying a lot of that down, but unfortunately a credit card I hadn’t been able to tackle yet caught up to me, and I was served lawsuit papers for the outstanding amount I owed.
This has been an immeasurable amount of stress for me. I’ve been trying to work something out with it, but unfortunately small payments aren’t an option anymore and the ruling ending up being paying back what I owe in full by the end of June.
To say I’m at a loss is…an understatement. I hate asking for help - hate, hate it, and I fully intended to just…I dunno, see what I could figure out on my own. But a very close friend of mine was kind enough to make a GoFundMe for me, so…while I hesitated at first on whether or not to drop it here (mostly bc my real name’s on it) this is the main community I’m attached to where I trust a lot of people here. Whether or not the GFM hits the goal I’ll delete this post after some time, but for now:
I wanna stress that there’s no pressure at all to contribute - hell, if you read this far, I appreciate you so much for listening. This has been next to impossible for me to talk about, even with the people close to me 😞 If any of y’all have other platforms you’d feel comfortable sharing it, I deeply appreciate the help. I’m extremely grateful to my friend for setting this up, they’ve been nothing but loving and supportive through all of this. I look forward to hopefully be able to put all of this behind me soon.
Thank y’all so much for your patience and sticking by me 🥺 I know there’s people here I love dearly who I’ve been extremely absent with, and unfortunately this is why. The stress put me in kind of a mental solitary confinement 😓 But I love you all and I miss you, and I hope you’re doing well 💕
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suddencolds · 10 days
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VINCENT FLU VINCENT FLU 🎉🎉🎉🎉 I’m the anon that begged you for it a little while back and I’m DANCING ON THE MOON. Wreck this poor man! I can’t wait!
AFJKFAKHFS YOUR ENTHUSIASM HAS ME SMILING!!! Thank you, anon, and I hope you enjoy the offering of Vincent suffering 🤲 (I have every intention of giving him a worse time... if you have any ideas, feel free to send them my way!!)
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suddencolds · 10 days
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what do vincent and yves do for work/what job are they working?
This is a good question!! The simple answer is, they work in the business department of a tech company 🫣 Longer answer is in the tags...
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suddencolds · 10 days
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relations & afflictions
random allergy fic, 2.3k, old ocs of mine jin-young is a cop (he has the kink because of who i am as a person) vesen is a big tall hot alien assassin aliens and humans are working together but it's still pretty new and things are awkward jin and vesen 100% fall in love with each other eventually that's basically all you need to know
Something’s been bothering Vesen’s nose ever since they left the warehouse. His insistence on delaying the inevitable is only driving both the offending appendage, and Jin by extension, insane. 
There’s a lot Jin has yet to figure out about his alien partner. Human and Kheelen relations are touch and go as it is, and the fact that they’ve paired officers up like this for police work is a shoddy effort at best to keep the peace. There’s just still too much they don’t understand about one another for anything to go smoothly. Case in point—until today, Jin didn’t even know if the Kheelen could sneeze.
It’s not that they look all that different. Bipedal, humanoid, all the same parts and facial features—Kheelen just do everything more elegant and longer it seems like. Even now Vesen has to hunch over slightly to fit all the willowy six foot eight of himself inside Jin’s squad car, and he’s one of the shorter ones of his species. Vesen’s face is similarly angular and lean, almost feline, with deep black eyes and a nose that angles regally off the front of his profile. Jin has always thought the Kheelen look how high fashion used to think supermodels ought to look—distinctly alien, a little off putting, but still undeniably beautiful. 
It helps that their skin comes in almost every shade of the rainbow. Vesen’s is a soft lilac, though you wouldn’t catch Jin admitting it. Nor should he even be thinking about how Vesen’s slightly-leaner-than-human nostrils are a little darker purple at the moment as they wriggle and flex with what looks like blatant irritation.
Thankfully, Vesen’s attitude keeps most amorous thoughts of Jin’s to a minimum. The guy’s taciturn, stoic, and doesn’t really give a shit about anyone but himself. He’s got a superiority complex too, but no one at the precinct seems to care. Everyone’s dealing with their own Kheelen partners and the messy diplomatic shitstorms they tend to kick up. It’s just unlucky Jin got the biggest fucking prick of the bunch. 
He’s good at what he does though. They call him the Wraith. Jin has never seen anyone move like Vesen does, not even other Kheelen. At the very least, he’s not going to die with him as a partner.
At least, not from phaser fire. He may die from another problem entirely if the guy doesn’t stop sniffling like a leaky faucet next to him for the rest of this ride.
Jin squirms in his seat slightly and tries not to glance at Vesen out of the corner of his eye. Lean, purple forearms are braced against raised knees as the alien sits slightly crunched in the front seat. The seat is pulled all the way back but his legs are so damn long it’s impossible to make him comfortable. Jin thinks about getting the chief to requisition them some new vehicles. This is hardly fair.
Vesen’s dark silk hair is shaved down the sides of his skull and then braided across the top of his head and hung down his back, the braid extending all the way to the bottom of his spine. Self-consciously, Jin runs a hand through his own dark hair. Regulation cut. No frills. Pretty underwhelming all things considered.
His fingers come away dusty when he sets his hand back on the wheel. He frowns at his fingertips, rubbing them together slightly. The warehouse they raided today looked like it had been abandoned for decades. Maybe longer. He’s going to need a full decontamination shower after this—
“h-nNDT!”
His stomach drops. But coolly, he slides his eyes over to his passenger and finds Vesen as relaxed as ever. He’d stifled with barely a sound or movement at all. Only a slight irritated blink gives him away as he recovers
Jin could ignore it, and probably should. But the words are off his lips before he has a chance to stop them.
“I didn’t even know you could sneeze.”
He can feel the simmering fury radiating from the seat beside him as Vesen turns his head. Dark eyes bore into the side of his skull. Jin knows that look without even having to see it—imperious, infuriated.
Then, flatly in the dark baritone he’s come to loathe, Vesen responds, “Why would we not?”
Jin shrugs, “I dunno. Your biology is different from ours in a ton of different ways, I thought maybe you guys just didn’t.”
Vesen sniffs softly. The sound lashes a current of electricity up Jin’s spine.
“That is preposterous.”
“Yeah, I guess,” Jin concedes, “You have noses and you breathe air, so it stands to reason.”
“You—hh?” Vesen pauses, gasps and turns his head away, pressing his knuckle to his septum and flinching into another soundless stifle. He recovers with a dry sniffle and swears in his own language. Jin hasn’t picked up the translation just yet, but he understands the intent just fine.
“Bless you,” he says, and feels a certain thrill at saying it. Especially to Vesen, who by all accounts probably is taking this all as a knock to his pride.
As if on cue, the alien gives him a reproachful look. “What?” he snaps.
Jin waves a hand, “It’s a human saying…well, in some regions. When someone sneezes.” 
“Foolish.”
“What do the Kheelen say when someone sneezes?”
“Why are you so interested, Jin-young?”
Jin’s cheeks flush slightly. The question is an honest one, but it’s said with just the right amount of judgment that it feels like it’s getting too close to the truth. He clears his throat and shrugs his shoulders.
“Just making conversation. We’re supposed to be learning about each other, right?”
There’s a long pause. The inside of the car is tense. Finally, Vesen sniffs lightly and sighs.
“We do not say anything. It is not a…common occurrence.”
He says this with a bit of embarrassment, which piques Jin’s interest tenfold. No wonder he hadn’t been sure if the Kheelen even possessed this biological function—he’s worked with enough of them for long enough now he was bound to have seen it happen at least once. But it’s never come up before. Not until this at least.
 Trying to keep the angle of the conversation on scholarly curiosity rather than selfish, Jin tilts his head.
“Oh? Why’s that?”
Vesen doesn’t answer for a moment, and when Jin looks over he sees why. The alien is caught with his eyes half-lidded, mouth parted slightly, a shuddering breath quaking under his vest. He shakes his head and suddenly bows it, steepling his hands over his nose and mouth. A very human pose, Jin thinks, despite only having four fingers on each hand.
“hH’DDIISSShhyue!” 
Vesen rises from his hands instantly and doesn’t give Jin time to bless him, or even react, “We are a very hardy species. Unlike humans, it takes a great deal to afflict our sensibilities.”
Just to be a dick, Jin blesses him anyway. Vesen cuts him a watery glare before Jin continues, struggling to keep his eyes on the road, “But…something is clearly uh…afflicting you now, right?”
Vesen sniffs pointedly, “It appears so.”
Jin’s boiling alive under his uniform all of a sudden. He knows he should stop fanning the fire but his mouth is moving faster than his brain, and he can’t help but keep asking questions. The slightly stuffy quality to Vesen’s deep voice as this progresses isn’t helping things either. He white-knuckles the steering wheel.
“I wonder what it is,” he hums, “Are you allergic to anything?”
“No.” Flat, unmoved, typical Vesen. Jin almost rolls his eyes.
“Then, are you sick?”
“I am not ill.”
“Then I’m at a loss, bud."
“It is not your concern, Jin-young,” Vesen assures him, but in that slightly dismissive way that seems to suggest it never was to begin with. 
That might have been it, and for a few moments Jin thinks it’s over. But after a lengthy pause, he hears Vesen take a clipped breath beside him. Then, he lowers his face slowly into his hands once more and Jin tenses, waiting for the inevitable. Out of the corner of his eye he sees the alien’s massive shoulders rising with a swell of breath before—
“hhH-rrSCHH!” Stronger and harsher than the one that came before it. Vesen lifts his head, thinking he’s finished, but is taken by two itchy sounding ones almost immediately after. He doesn’t bother lowering his head again and merely sneezes freely, misting his own palms as he shudders into them. “Chhssyu! ccHSH!”
“Okay, see, it is kind of my concern,” Jin reasons, and leans over to reach past Vesen’s knees for the glove box, “Because you’re my partner and now I’m officially worried.”
Vesen isn’t listening. He’s lost in the throes of whatever it has meant to finally give into this tickle that’s been plaguing him since they left the warehouse. His hands still cupped in front of him, his upper lip curls back slightly as he gears up for another. Jin unlocks the glove box, the back of his hand drifting against Vesen’s knee for a moment.
“Sorry,” he says, his heart pounding.
Vesen responds in kind with a stuttered gasp and another powerful sneeze. 
 “hH? hhH! ehH’HDJSshoo!” 
He wrenches to the side at the last second to try and direct it against the window but Jin still feels the spray of it against his forearm and nearly loses control of the fucking car. He manages to somehow keep them alive and also force a wad of napkins into Vesen’s hands. 
“Here, Vesen.”
 Vesen gathers the crumpled paper and presses it to his dripping nose. He blows hard—Jin didn’t know they did that either—which seems to help just for a moment.
“I’m gonna get you back to headquarters, okay?” Jin says, trying not to let his voice shake. He’s almost certain Vesen can hear his heart pounding but he’s hoping he’s a little too distracted by the itch to notice.
Vesen nods blearily and gets one liquid sniffle in before something sets him off again. He holds the sodden napkins just slightly away from him and sneezes against them in short bursts. “aeh’ESSCH! chSSCH! t’SHH!”
“Jesus, you gonna make it?” Jin asks. Am I?
“Focus on your driving, Jin-young,” Vesen says evenly and dabs at his nose, “There is no need for alarm.”
Ah, good. So Vesen can hear his heartbeat, but he thinks it’s anxiety, not anything else. Good. Jin can roll with that, at least. Interspecies relations are hard enough without adding weird kinks to the mix. 
“Are you sure? Because—“
“hH’RRSsch!”
“You sound like—“
“hHuh’IISH! ISHH! hh-Hh?…”Vesen pauses on the last one, hanging in limbo with his gaze flickering on the horizon. Jin waits for him, watching his throat bob as the urge takes him.
“hhH’yyIISSHAh!”
Vesen cups that one into his palm, though it does nothing to lessen the volume.
Jin swallows, “Wow. Because you sound like you’re getting worse.”
“A passing ihhritation,” Vesen says, somehow managing to sound cold while his voice wavers. 
In other words: drop it. 
But Jin can already see his face twitching around the need to sneeze again. It’s five more minutes back to the station and god, if he can even get out of his squad car to walk in it’ll be a fucking miracle. Either way, he’s in trouble. They’re supposed to watch out for their Kheelen counterparts in the field. Have each other’s backs. Bringing one back sneezing his goddamn head off seems like the opposite of that. 
“Should we open a window?” Jin asks.
Vesen nods through his next sneeze and fumbles for the controls on the side panel as he snaps forward.
“aeh’eESSCHUu!” 
Jin gets the controls going on his own side for him and both windows peel open. City air streams through the car. It’s not exactly pleasant, but it’s not terrible either. Jin grew up here so it’s part and parcel of his being. He can’t imaging what it must be like for the Kheelen. Breathing sweet, fresh air every day of their own planet to now…this. Maybe that’s why Vesen in particular is so sensitive. Or maybe he’s overthinking it.
A tired, weak sneeze is directed out towards the open air and into Vesen’s curled fist as the alien leans to the window. “hh’iIShoo!” 
“Bless. Any better?” Jin asks.
“It smells of smog and metal,” Vesen complains and slides his finger under his nose, wicking moisture away petulantly.
“Everyone’s a critic.”
They ride the rest of the way in relative quiet, Vesen with his head out the window like a dog and Jin lowering his body temperature to acceptable levels. By the time they get to the precinct he’s actually able to stand up and get out of the squad car and can feel everything below the waist. 
Just in time for Vesen to come around the side of the car and pin him by the shoulder. Jin has to look up at him because he’s so tall, and his hand feels like a vice against him. Vesen could snap him like a twig if he wanted. Something he’s fond of reminding him.
“Tell anyone of what transpired here, Jin-young, and you will not live long enough to regret it,” Vesen hisses at him, pointed teeth flashing. 
It would be intimidating were it not for the inadvertent sniffle that follows as Vesen backs off. His eyes grow slightly hazy even as they try to bore into Jin’s and his hand loosens on his shoulder.
“Aw, c’mon big guy, one more?” Jin asks, eyes flashing.
Fury sparks in Vesen’s face before the need overtakes him entirely. His expression crumples as he releases Jin to cover his nose and mouth with his hand and flinches into it.
“h’NNDXT!”
A full body shudder runs the length of Jin’s body. He can feel his lower belly melting again. 
He smiles, “Bless you.” 
Vesen growls and shoves at Jin with his opposite hand as he sniffles in recovery. He bares his teeth at him. 
“Be quiet,” he says before turning away and heading toward the precinct steps.
“I think we bonded today!” Jin calls after him, “We’re making progress! Pioneers of human and Kheelen relations, you and me!” 
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suddencolds · 11 days
Text
Atypical Occurrence [1/?]
Happy birthday to my dear friend, @caughtintherain!! I wanted to give you some Vincent suffering to chew on for the occasion, so please take this fic (or, first part of a fic) as a gift <3
this is an OC fic - here is a list of everything I’ve written for these two! chronologically, this fic takes place a month or so after the last installment leaves off :)
Summary: Vincent shows up late to a meeting. It just goes downhill from there. (ft. fake dating, the flu, a house visit)
Vincent is late.
Yves tries not to stare at the empty seat across from him. The meeting—their first meeting of the day—started five minutes ago. If there’s anything Yves knows, it’s that Vincent always comes in early. 
In stumbles Cara, handling a morning coffee with probably more espresso shots than anyone should have at 8am. Then Laurent, briefcase in one hand, paging through a folder of files in his other. Then Angelie, Isaac, Garrett, Ray, Sienna. Then they get started, and Yves turns his attention towards the graphs projected onscreen at the front of the room, and tries very hard not to think about Vincent.
It’s five minutes later that the door swings open, near-silent.
Sienna—who’s presenting—stops, for a moment, to look back at Vincent from where he’s standing in the doorway, which means that of course, everyone looks.
Cara turns around in her seat, raising an eyebrow. Angelie frowns at him. 
“Sorry I’m late,” Vincent says, quietly. “It won’t happen again.”
Isaac shrugs. Angelie looks a little concerned, but she turns back to her work, anyways. Sienna resumes her presentation. All in all, it’s nothing—or it should be nothing. Probably traffic, on the way here; a particularly unlucky commute. An unlikely occurrence, but—to anyone else—not anything worth dwelling over.
It might be a sufficient explanation, if Yves didn’t know better.
Vincent takes care to close the door quietly behind him, then heads over to the only open seat, across from Yves. He unzips his briefcase, quietly, unobtrusively, and takes out his laptop. Yves tries to focus on what Sienna is saying—she’s giving a review of a client’s current investment strategies; he’d reviewed her work on this just a couple days ago.
Vincent asks good questions throughout—he always has a good sense of what areas still lack clarity, Yves has found. Today is no exception. He takes part in the meeting with such calculated precision that Yves almost misses it.
Almost misses: the slight stiffness to his shoulders, as if it’s taking more than the usual amount of effort to keep himself upright. The way in which he clears his throat before speaking, like it might actually hurt. The way he rests his head on one hand, halfway into the meeting—as if even now, barely forty minutes into the workday, he’s already exhausted.
It’s subtle enough to go unnoticed, subtle enough that Yves wonders if he’s just reading too much into it—if, perhaps, Vincent is fine, after all.
He doesn’t see Vincent again until lunch.
Or, more accurately, he doesn’t see Vincent again until he’s headed down for lunch with Cara and Laurent. Vincent is already on his way out of the cafeteria, a takeout container in hand.
“You’re not going to eat here?” Yves asks.
Vincent doesn’t look at him. “I have some work to get done at my desk,” he says. He clears his throat again, like it’s irritating him.
“Okay,” Yves says. Vincent turns to leave, and Yves thinks of a hundred ways in which he could possibly prolong this conversation, and then decides against it. Vincent is already so busy.
“You look tired,” he settles on, instead.
He expects Vincent to dismiss this, to reassure him that it isn’t true. But Vincent looks up at him at last, blinking, as if he’s surprised that Yves noticed at all. His eyes are a little dark-rimmed underneath his glasses.
He doesn’t deny it, which is as much of a confirmation as Yves needs.
“The sooner I can get this work done, the sooner I can go home,” he says. Yves supposes he can’t argue with that.
“I guess I’ll see you around, then,” Yves says, even though he wants to say more, even though he feels like there’s more that he should be saying. “Don’t work too hard.”
Vincent nods, at this, and resumes walking.
Yves is probably overthinking it. There isn’t anything concrete, really, to justify his concern.
Vincent’s lateness to the meeting could just as easily be the consequence of an alarm he’d forgotten to set, his exhaustion just as easily a side effect—of recent late nights in the office, of arbitrary changes to the projects he’s on, of last-minute demands from clients.
The next time he sees Vincent is at the end of the work day. Yves always takes the elevators on the north end of the building—they’re ones that lead directly out into the parking garage. When he gets out to the hallway, Vincent is already standing there, waiting for the elevator.
Yves watches Vincent stiffen, slightly. Watches him raise one hand up to his face to shudder into it with a harsh, “HHihH’iKKTSh-hUH!”
A thin tremor runs through the line of his shoulders, as if he’s too cold, even though the office air conditioning is no colder than usual. His hand, cupped to his face, remains there for a moment more before he lowers it.
He sniffles, then, rummaging through his pocket for—something. When he doesn’t find it, he just frowns a little, sniffling again. 
“Bless you,” Yves says.
“Yves,” Vincent says, his shoulders stiffening a little. He clears his throat, turning around so that he can address Yves properly.
It’s only a few seconds later that he’s turning sharply away, tenting both hands over his nose and mouth for—
“Hh-! hHiH—HIHh’DZSSschh-uhh! snf-!”
“Bless you again.” 
Vincent sighs. “Don’t bother.” He really looks exhausted, Yves realizes. During their brief interaction at lunch, he’d already sensed as much, but the harsh white glare of the bright corporate lighting only makes it more evident.
Vincent looks a little paler than usual, if only slightly, and there’s a slight flush that spreads itself over his cheekbones. He looks—well, nearly as put together as always, distilled only by the slight crookedness of his tie, as if it’s been on too tight; the near-invisible sheen of sweat over his forehead. The slight redness to the bridge of his nose, the slight shiver to his hand as he reaches up to adjust his collar.
Yves frowns, taking this all in. “You look kind of…”
“Terrible?” Vincent finishes for him.
Yves winces. “...Well, terrible is a strong word. I was going to say, you look like you could use some sleep.”
“I’m… feeling a little off,” Vincent says, staring straight ahead, as if it’s not an admission at all. But Yves suspects, from the way he avoids eye contact, that perhaps it was something he was intending on keeping private. “You should keep your distance.”
The elevator dings. The sliding doors part, and he steps inside. 
“First floor?” Yves asks, hesitating next to the panel of buttons.
“Yes,” Vincent says. Then, quietly: “Thanks.”
“You know, now that busy season is over, the world is not going to end if you take a sick day,” Yves tells him. “Even if you do like, twice the amount of work as everyone else on the team, if you needed to call out, I’m sure something could be arranged.”
Vincent smiles at him, a little wryly. “I must look pretty bad if you’re saying this to me.”
“Yes, I was lying,” Yves says. “Clearly, you look terrible.”
It isn’t true at all—even here, even like this, Vincent doesn’t look terrible, not even in the least. But Vincent still smiles, at this—a tired smile.
The elevator doors slide open.
“Text me if you need anything,” Yves says, impulsively. “Seriously. Tissues, soup, medicine—whatever. It’s not far of a drive.”
“That’s very considerate of you,” Vincent says. “I will see you tomorrow.” And then he steps out of the elevator, and Yves is left with an inexplicable sinking feeling in his stomach. As far as he knows, it has no place there. Obviously, Vincent can take care of himself. Obviously, Vincent can handle a cold. Yves has nothing to be concerned about.
The next day is rainy—a constant, torrential downpour, which makes his commute to work take almost twice as long as it usually does. It wouldn’t be spring here, Yves supposes, without dreary weather like this.
Back in uni, when he rowed crew, they’d practice out for hours out in the rain. Now that he spends the majority of his day inside, he supposes he can’t complain. The shelter of the office building is a reprieve.
Vincent doesn’t show up.
“I think he’s out sick,” Cara says, when Yves asks. “You know, it’s funny. I don’t think I’ve actually seen him take a sick day before.”
“For how hard he works, he definitely deserves one,” Garrett says.
“He seemed fine yesterday, when I saw him,” Cara says, with a shrug. “Probably came on quickly.” Yves nods.
But that isn’t quite right, is it? Vincent hadn’t seemed fine, had he? Yves thinks back to the things he’d noticed—Vincent, uncharacteristically exhausted during the meeting, though it was clear he’d been just as engaged as usual. Vincent, shivering in the elevator, telling Yves to keep his distance. How poorly had he been feeling already, yesterday? How poorly does he have to be feeling today to have called off of work for it?
He finds some time just before lunch to text.
Y: how are you holding up? Y: yesterday’s offer stands if you need me to bring you anything!
He doesn’t get a response from Vincent, which is a little concerning. He checks his phone halfway through lunch, and then twice more, in between his afternoon meetings, just in case he’s missed a notification.
“Are you expecting a text from someone?” Cara says, looking a little curious.
“Just a friend,” Yves says, which is and isn’t true.
To make a point—to Cara, and possibly to himself—he shuts his phone off. He very pointedly does not look at it again for the remainder of the hour.
It’s not until mid-afternoon that he finally gets a response.
V: Sorry to get back to you so late.
Yves sits upright, fumbling with his phone to get it unlocked. The text bubble pops up again, somewhat intermittently, to show that Vincent is typing.
V: If it’s not too much trouble, there’s a blue folder on my desk labeled 2-A.
Yves blinks at this, a little disbelieving.
Y: you’re asking me to bring you work files? Y: arent you supposed to be resting 🤨 Y: paid sick leave, remember? as in, leave your work at work??
V: I meant to pack them yesterday.
Y: that’s like a genie grants you 3 wishes and you ask for an extra day of assignments Y: terrible waste of a wish if you ask me
V: As a genie, you’re quite judgmental
Y: ok ok Y: as your loyal lamp dweller i’ll be over around 8pm with folder 2-A  Y: you need anything else? 
V: Nothing else V: You can just leave them outside my door 
A beat. Then Vincent sends:
V: Sorry to trouble you
Yves thinks of twenty responses he wants to send to that text. Then, thinking better of himself, he shuts his phone off and gets back to work.
It’s a little past seven when he finally checks out of the office.
Outside, the rain hasn’t even begun to let up—it falls, straight and heavy, in large, globular droplets. The streets gleam with water. Yves leaves his umbrella in the trunk, tunes out everything but the static of the rainfall, and drives.
Yves has only ever been to Vincent’s apartment once—to pick him up for the New Years’ party Margot hosted—and even then, Vincent had met him at the door. But he recognizes the unit, nonetheless.
For a moment, he considers leaving the folder of files outside of Vincent’s door and taking his leave.
But it’s windy, and he’s afraid the papers might fly away, torn up by the biting wind, and get lost face down in a puddle somewhere, which would defeat the purpose of him coming here in the first place, and would probably also breach some employee confidentiality policy. So instead, he knocks.
It’s silent for a moment. Rain beats down on the slanted rooftops, a constant thrum. 
Yves is about to reach out to knock again, when the door swings open.
There stands Vincent, in a pale blue hoodie and loose-fitting pajama pants, with neat rectangular cuffs.
He looks tired. It’s the first thing Yves registers—the unusual fatigue to his expression, which he can’t quite seem to blink away; the flush high on his cheekbones. The way he holds himself, his shoulders stiff, carefully, defensively; as if despite his exhaustion, there’s a part of him which wishes to appear presentable still.
It’s only a moment later that he’s taking a halting step back, ducking into a hoodie sleeve. Yves catches the shiver of his expression, his eyebrows pulling together, before it crumples, and his head jerks forward with a harsh—
“hHihh’GKkTT—! Hh-!! iHH-’DZZSCHh-uuUh!”
The second sneeze sounds louder and harsher than usual, even muffled into the fabric of his sleeve. It betrays his congestion all at once. 
“Bless you,” Yves says.
Vincent emerges, sniffling a little. When he speaks, he sounds a little hoarser than he did yesterday. “I thought I said you - snf-! - could leave them on the front step.”
“You did,” Yves says, glancing down at the folder in his hands. “But it’s windy, and it’s raining. I figured you’d prefer to have your files intact. How are you feeling?”
Vincent blinks at him. He’s leaning heavily against the doorframe, Yves realizes, one hand gripped tightly around the frame, his knuckles white from the pressure, as if it would take him too much effort to stay upright otherwise. 
“Alright,” he answers. “Thanks for making the trip here. I… it must’ve taken longer, in the rain.” He squeezes his eyes shut, as if his head hurts, as if the light coming from outside is exacerbating his headache. “If you ever need me to pick something up for you, I owe you.”
“You don’t owe me anything,” Yves says. Despite himself, he reaches up to press his hand against Vincent’s forehead.
The heat under his fingertips is alarming, to say the least. Yves blinks, lowering his hand, and tries to keep the worry out of his voice. “Have you taken your temperature?”
Vincent shakes his head. “I don’t think I have a thermometer.”
“Have you eaten, then?”
Vincent averts his glance, looking sheepish. “I… was planning to stop for groceries, yesterday,” he says. Planning to.
Yves thinks back to the elevator ride yesterday. Vincent had probably already been feeling very unwell, then. And yet, he’d talked with Yves as if nothing was out of the ordinary. I’m feeling a little off, he’d said, as if anything about his current affliction could possibly be characterized as “little.” I will see you tomorrow—as if he had really, genuinely been intending on showing up at work. 
“So I take it that there’s nothing in the fridge, either,” Yves says.
“If it’s any consolation, you’ll be pleased to know that I slept,” Vincent says, in lieu of answering.
Then he shivers—the sort of concerning, full-body shiver that is a little concerning, coming from someone who is usually unaffected by the cold—and Yves is immediately reminded that the door they’re speaking through is open.
“Can I come in?” he asks.
“You probably shouldn’t,” Vincent says, before his expression scrunches up, and he’s ducking away with a— “hh—! hHih-II—TSSCHHh-UH! snf-!”, smothered hurriedly into the palm of his hand. He sniffles, emerging with a slight wince. “This came on pretty quickly. It might be the flu.”
“It’s fine,” Yves says. “I got my flu shot in the winter. And anyways, I’ll be careful.”
Vincent is quiet, for a moment. Then, frowning, he says, “I’d feel terrible if you caught this.”
That’s the least of Yves’s worries—he doubts he’s going to catch this. Even if he does, it will just mean a few days off of work. Not the end of the world, by any means. Nothing to warrant the expression on Vincent’s face—Vincent looks upset, as if he’ll really can’t think of anything worse than Yves catching this. Like even the thought of it is worth being upset over.
Yves shakes his head. “Don’t worry about it, seriously.” He pushes past Vincent to step inside and shuts the door behind him. “Here, I’ll set these down on your desk. Where is it?”
“Down the hallway, to the left,” Vincent says.
Yves takes the folder, leaves his shoes at the door, and heads inside. 
Vincent’s bedroom is small and organized—it’s the kind of bedroom that’s tastefully minimal, in the sort of unified manner that implies that everything in it has been carefully arranged. There’s a small white desk in the corner, a stack of files arranged neatly next to Vincent’s laptop, its lid halfway to shut. There’s a bookshelf, leaned up against the wall far; the bottom shelf looks to be filled with textbooks; the top shelf lined with books, both in Korean and in English. The walls are painted slate gray, the carpets lining the floorboards picked out to match, and there are pale blue curtains hanging from the windows, pulled tightly shut.
There are signs here, too, of his illness, but they are subtle. A tissue box, nestled between his pillow and the headboard, half empty. A waste bin at the foot of the bed, conveniently in reach. A small bottle of aspirin on the bedside counter; an empty packet of cough drops sitting at the edge of his nightstand.
Yves sets the folder at the end of Vincent’s desk, next to the rest of his files, and turns to face him.
“You’re not going to work on these until you’re feeling better, right?” he asks.
“Only if I can’t sleep,” Vincent says, which Yves supposes is a satisfactory answer. Then he twists away, his eyebrows furrowing, lifting a loosely clenched fist to his face to cough, and cough. 
The cough is harsh and grating—his entire frame shudders with the force of it, his breaths shallow and raspy. He really sounds awful. This must have come on quickly, Yves thinks.
If it’s upsetting, seeing Vincent like this, it’s even worse to be standing here, in his room, doing nothing. So—if only to make himself useful, if only to convince himself that there’s something he can do—Yves ducks out into the kitchen.
The pantry is meticulously organized—glasses lined up in neat rows; stacks of bowls sorted by size. He fills a glass with water, shuts the cabinets, and takes it back to the bedroom. 
By the time he gets back, Vincent is sitting at the edge of his bed. His glasses are folded neatly, left at the very edge of the countertop.
“Here,” Yves says, crossing the room, holding out the glass for him to take. 
“Thanks,” Vincent says, taking it gingerly from him. He takes a small, tentative sip, and then another—his hands are a little shaky, Yves notices. “You - snf-! - should really go.”
“I’m not entirely convinced you’ll be fine on your own,” Yves says.
“Of course I will be,” Vincent says, with all of his usual certainty. He lays down, pulling the covers over his body. “I have been fine on my own for years.”
It’s meant to be reassuring, Yves supposes. But he doesn’t feel reassured in the least.
“Thank you again for bringing me the files,” Vincent says, at last, shutting his eyes.
“You could’ve asked me to get you groceries,” Yves says. “There’s a supermarket not far from here, right? And you’re out of cough drops.” He takes a few steps over, towards the desk in the corner of the room. “These—” He examines the bottle of ibuprofen on the table. “—are expired.”
“Just because you’ve extended this kindness to me,” Vincent tells him, “doesn’t mean I should take advantage of it.”
Yves blinks, a little taken aback. “It’s only groceries. I wouldn’t have minded, really.”
“See,” Vincent says, with a note of—something in his voice. It sounds a bit like resignation. “That’s just the kind of person you are.”
Yves doesn’t know what to say, to that. 
Before he can think up a fitting response, Vincent’s breathing evens out. Yves lets himself listen to the shallow, steady cadence of it. Lets himself acknowledge the heavy, painful feeling in his chest for just a moment. Then he shuts the lights off and heads back out into the hallway.
107 notes · View notes
suddencolds · 13 days
Text
tug of war [2/2]
a huge thank you so much to everyone who read and engaged with the first half of this. thank you so much for trusting me with all this misery
fandom: Cher/ry Magic | characters: Kuro/sawa, Ada/chi | length: 7.1k (omg sorry)
summary: nervous and determined to be a good boyfriend, Adachi spends the night.
cw mess mentions, nothing graphic
[part 1]
-
The wind is getting stronger. In the span of only a few minutes, it’s gone from teasing gusts to intermittent gales. Adachi’s hair whips at his eyes, the roar of the leaves around them growing louder, more ominous with each passing rush. Too preoccupied with worry over Kurosawa’s sudden dizzy spell, it seems he’s misjudged the proximity of the storm.
Since Kurosawa is laying on him, he’d anticipated that he could gauge Kurosawa’s readiness to walk.
Instead, he’s unintentionally grounded them at the bench— possibly long enough for the impending storm to have caught up with them, because Kurosawa’s fatigue hasn’t abated at all. Flickering pangs of vertigo wash through him each time Kurosawa shifts in his lap. 
He’s going to have to make a hard choice.
“Kurosawa,” Adachi says, glancing down at his boyfriend’s pale face. “I think we need to get up. It’s going to start raining if we stay here any longer.”
“Mm?” mumbles Kurosawa from his resting place on Adachi’s thighs. He takes in the urgency in Adachi’s eyes and steels himself, pushing out a shallow breath as he sits up. Both hands are splayed over his face, shielding his expression as he works through the rebalancing of his equilibrium. He seems unaware of how Adachi is hovering at the small of his back, poised and ready in case he starts to waver.
“Still dizzy?” 
“I’ll make it okay,” Kurosawa assures, palms braced against his knees as he comes to a shaky stand. Another gust of wind blows in, stirring up stray leaves on the sidewalk. They swirl in the glow of the lamplight, then disappear as the wind carries them farther into the night. Adachi raises an arm to keep his hair from hitting his eyes. Beside him, Kurosawa folds in with a shiver.
That’s hardly promising, thinks Adachi in lieu of a retort, frowning. 
“It looks like you don’t trust me,” Kurosawa chuckles. “Carry me instead?”
Flashing back to their time in the sauna, Adachi blanches. He doesn’t work out like Kurosawa does, and Kurosawa is much taller than him, broader and more built. His muscles strain at the mere idea of it.
“I’m not very strong. I’d probably drop you,” he muses, cheeks warming at the thought of Kurosawa in his trembling arms, long limbs tumbling out of his hold, “but if you need me to, I can try.”
In the middle of the pathway, Kurosawa stands with a hand cupping the lower half of his face. 
“What’s wrong?” Adachi circles back to where Kurosawa is, “is your fever getting worse?” and as the words leave his lips, he realizes that Kurosawa is blushing. 
It still catches Adachi by surprise, that he can draw an expression like this from someone like Kurosawa without meaning to. There’s something delicate about the intensity Kurosawa feels from even the slightest of Adachi’s affections, like each one is something to be savored and teased apart, held close to his heart like something precious. Adachi has never known love at all, much less like this. He doesn’t know how to return Kurosawa’s intensity, only how to collect these moments and mull over them, slowly and steadily letting them meld together into an unshakable fondness. 
“No,” Kurosawa says, shaking his head, bringing Adachi back to the present, “nothing like that.” He takes a step forward, and Adachi monitors it carefully, not realizing until he exhales that he’d been expecting Kurosawa to stumble.
When that doesn’t happen, he waits for Kurosawa to catch up, then lets him set their pace as he leads towards the other end of the park and into the start of the residential blocks. 
There’s a corner store looming in the distance, and Adachi wonders if he should pay it a visit once he’s gotten Kurosawa settled. He’ll have to see what Kurosawa has already stocked. He has to remember that Kurosawa was the one who filled his medicine cabinets with supplies the last time he had a cold. The chances that his own are empty is slim. Either way, it’s nice to know that the option is there if need be.
A glowing orange hand waits for them on the other side of the street. A few cars pass by, headlights illuminating the asphalt, but the sidewalks are largely empty. Adachi tilts his head up at a fractured rumble of thunder, quickly followed by a distant flash of lightning. 
In charged anticipation, they wait. 
At the same time the sign flips to green, a single bead of rain splashes onto one of the crosswalk’s thick, white stripes. The first of the storm, it comes with friends. A cool drip of water strikes Adachi across the cheek, followed by another on the crown of his head. By the time they’ve crossed the intersection, steady rainfall has begun over their corner of Tokyo.
Fortunately, just as Kurosawa predicted earlier, he does recognize the area.
He scans the streets for any awnings to walk under, finding none. Of course. Just his luck. Or maybe he’s spoken too soon, because the rain is starting to pick up, falling heavier and faster around them, reminding him that it’s never too late for things to get worse.
Turning back towards Kurosawa, who’s flinching in the battering wind, Adachi shouts, “I think we should run.” 
Kurosawa’s expression is hard to decipher. To be honest, Adachi isn’t sure if Kurosawa has even heard him at all.  
Sorry, Kurosawa, but you’ll thank me later. 
He takes Kurosawa’s rain slick hand in his and starts to run, gripping his palms as tightly as he can. Puddles are already starting to collect on the sidewalk, reflections of blurry lights shimmering amidst the constant disturbance of new rainfall. Their footsteps tear through each watery likeness of Kurosawa’s neighborhood, their single, unbroken form rippling in reflections.
-
“ihKSCHhh’iewh!” Paused in the middle of the stairwell, Kurosawa gives a weighted sniffle, and then repeats the motion of drawing in a great inhale and pitching forward into both hands, flinging beads of water from the ends of his damp bangs. “AehH-! ’HTZzschhiiew!”
“Ah,” Adachi frets, finding that once again, his hands are suspended in the space around Kurosawa. Close enough to touch him, but not quite. “You’re completely soaked.”
One hand blocking the lower half of his face from view, Kurosawa fumbles in his pockets for his keys. They’re coming up on his unit. 
“So are you. It’ll feel good to dry off soon,” he agrees. 
“I can run a bath for you,” suggests Adachi. He glances down and catches a glimpse of Kurosawa unsteadily trying to fit his key into the lock. The urge to step in and offer to do it in his place rises in his throat. He imagines that that’s something Kurosawa would do without question.
“I’m sorry, Adachi.” Kurosawa says ruefully, and with the new acoustics of shelter, Adachi can hear as Kurosawa talks that he’s still out of breath. “I don’t know if I’m feeling well enough for that.” 
“That’s okay.” Adachi’s expression softens. Even though it was his idea that got shot down, Kurosawa is the one who looks upset. His downcast gaze is full of remorse, like he’s just said something awful. 
Kurosawa pushes the door open and flicks on the main light. Leaning his forearm against the wall, he starts to toe off his shoes. As Adachi is doing the same thing, accomplishing the same goal at twice the pace, he hears Kurosawa gasp with quiet urgency.
“uhhK’DJShhhyiuh!”
That’s no good. 
Still wearing his wet suit coat and his wet socks, Adachi ventures further into Kurosawa’s apartment, leaving a trail of damp footprints in his wake. It’s been a few months since he spent the night here, but he still remembers the layout.
Once he finds the bathroom, he pulls the nearest towel from where it hangs on the railing and rushes back to where Kurosawa is. 
“Here,” he drapes it over Kurosawa’s hair and begins to dry him off, gently patting away all the rivulets of rainwater streaming down Kurosawa’s flushed face. 
Instantly, he feels all of Kurosawa’s discomfort. How cold he is. How sick he feels. How uncomfortable and heavy his wet clothes are as they stick to his skin. An apprehension he can’t place. And through all that, his feverish, affectionate wonder.  
Adachi is being so gentle with me. The way he’s touching me, it’s like I’m dreaming. 
Adachi works with careful diligence, fluffing the towel around Kurosawa’s hair, then against the nape of his neck, and then lightly against his soaked shoulders and back. 
“Come sit down,” Adachi instructs, taking Kurosawa’s hand in his. He leads him to the low table in the center of the main room, helping to ease him into a sitting position. 
Shivering underneath the towel, Kurosawa glances up at him with glassy, unfocused eyes. His nose is running. A slow, small stream of it escaping his pink nostrils and glittering across his philtrum. He looks so small like this, helpless in a way Adachi had always considered outside the realm of possibility. 
It makes Adachi want to wrap him up. Siphon the chill from his bones and watch over him until he’s feeling like himself again. 
His mental image of Kurosawa has changed a lot in the past few months. He’d never imagined someone like him would feel such a strong pull to protect someone like Kurosawa either.
“I’ll be right back,” Adachi assures. He places a hand on Kurosawa’s shoulder, letting it linger longer than he intended because Kurosawa’s begun to lean into it.
What? Kurosawa looks at him like nothing else in the room matters, a subtle, wanting shift in his features playing out right before Adachi’s eyes. I don’t want him to go. 
“I’m just going to get you a change of clothes,” explains Adachi, withdrawing. He takes a step back, starting to angle himself towards the hall. “You shouldn’t sit in these any longer, it can’t be good for your cold.”
“Oh,” Kurosawa nods after a beat, then he smiles. It reaches his eyes, albeit weakly. “Thank you. Ah, Adachi, wait.”
Tilting his head, Adachi does just that.
“Don’t forget to dry yourself off, too. Otherwise, we’ll both be sick. You can wear anything you find in my closet.” 
Adachi’s heart twists. Kurosawa always thinks of me first. He reaches out to give Kurosawa another reassuring squeeze before making good on his words.
Adachi would look so cute in one of my sweatshirts… If the sleeves were too long for his arms, I don’t know if I could take it. Or maybe he’ll wear those pajamas again? I still think about the last time!! He looked just as cute as I thought he would. I still can’t believe-
Right. 
He gives Kurosawa a small smile. It’s a good sign that he can still muster this sort of intensity. 
He walks towards Kurosawa’s room, and two things happen at once. 
Behind him, Kurosawa starts to cough. It’s ticklish and heavy, no doubt something he was waiting for Adachi to leave before indulging in. At the same time, with a wistful heaviness in his chest, Adachi thinks back to the face Kurosawa made just before they entered his apartment. 
He realizes it’s the first time Kurosawa has ever told him no.
-
Adachi flicks on the light, letting his shoulders droop. He’s on edge, and fighting the need to shiver himself. He’s been so preoccupied with making sure Kurosawa was alright that it seems all of his own feelings had forced themselves to lie dormant, waiting for the right moment to catch up with him. 
This is the first time he’s seen Kurosawa’s room. It’s the first time he’s been over to stay the night since they started dating, and it’s a shame that he can’t drink it all in slowly, spending time figuring out how all of these things fit into who Kurosawa is.
There are potted plants near the windows, lush, well cared for and real. He’d noticed the first time he spent the night that Kurosawa had quite the green thumb. The plants in his room seem even more vibrant somehow, like they’d been tended to for quite some time. There’s a desk with some pictures that Adachi can’t quite make out, and a chair with several shirts slung over the back. In the corner is a bookshelf with a gap in one of the shelves, the nearby volumes slumping towards the empty space.
It’s messier than he expected it to be.
Continuing his cursory assessment, he notices that Kurosawa’s bed is unmade, gray blankets twisted with an empty, curved space on what Adachi can only assume is where Kurosawa sleeps. There’s a broken blister pack on his nightstand, a few mostly empty glasses of water, and a stack of old volumes of Zombie Dead. There are also piles of clothes scattered across the floor. Yesterday’s pants at the foot of the bed, the day before’s a few feet away. Stray socks here, there, and there, lying in limp, black piles near the plants. 
Adachi wonders if Kurosawa’s room is always half managed like this, or if the disarray is just another symptom of his oncoming illness. 
Speaking of which, Adachi has a job to do. He pulls open the closet door, revealing all of Kurosawa’s neatly arranged clothing. 
Instantly, he recognizes Kurosawa’s usual work attire. The outfit Kurosawa wore on their first date. Other stylish pieces that fit him, but that Adachi has never seen. For some reason, that makes Adachi feel self conscious. It reminds him that Kurosawa has an entire life outside of the office that he’s only barely begun to understand.
And you’ll keep learning more, he tells himself, the steady beat of the rain murmuring against the glass behind him. Bit by bit. 
He picks out a dark blue sweatshirt for Kurosawa, and an ivory one for himself, followed by two sets of gray sweatpants. Figuring it’s easier if he changes now, Adachi starts to strip out of his wet clothes. He grimaces at the resistance the damp fabric puts up as he peels it off of his skin. It’s madly unpleasant. 
There are extra towels near the top, so he reaches for one to dry off better before he slips on Kurosawa’s clothes, catching a glimpse of the pajamas Kurosawa got him. A pattern he’d never thought he’d recognize anywhere, in teal blue and purple. 
Wait. Adachi hesitates as he’s pulling the towel down. Purple? He doesn’t remember that. Did Kurosawa get him two? Or had he - Adachi blushes, concealing his face with his palm - had he bought them as a matching set?
Kurosawa is so ridiculous. And Adachi… maybe he’s just as ridiculous, because he’s gone and fallen for Kurosawa anyways.
Once he finishes changing, he gathers Kurosawa’s change of clothes in his arms. 
The scent of Kurosawa’s detergent surrounds him, the same one he catches hints of each time they embrace. It’s immensely comforting, something he unabashedly wants to bask in. He pauses just before entering the hallway, bringing his own sleeve closer, just so he can indulge a little longer in the scent.
It’s pure bliss, broken when Kurosawa starts to cough again. 
Flinging his arm to his side, Adachi remembers himself. He’s thankful that Kurosawa wasn’t around to see him doing that. 
He hadn’t understood Kurosawa very well when they’d first started talking, but he thinks that he gets it a little better now. How silly, how beautiful it is, to love someone. 
-
Adachi finds Kurosawa leaning back wearily against the arm of the couch with his knees drawn up. When he notices Adachi getting closer, he smiles.
“You look nice,” says Kurosawa, swallowing with a subtle wince. “That color suits you.”
“You can admire it more after you’ve changed too.” Adachi huffs, holding out the new clothes for Kurosawa. Only the topmost two buttons of his shirt are undone. A half hearted attempt seems to have been made at undoing his tie as well. It loosened at his neck, sitting in a half tangled mess. “Do you need help?”
“If you’re offering.”
Gently, Adachi kneels on the ground and draws Kurosawa’s slender fingers away from his chest.
“Your hands are so cold,” he observes sympathetically. “No wonder you were having a hard time.”
Kurosawa just sniffles and nods.
“Maybe I wanted you to undress me,” he says with a joking flourish that lacks its usual energy.
Adachi hooks a finger into a loose fold of Kurosawa’s tie and starts to pull the ends apart.
Am I really that helpless right now? 
Unraveling the rest of the short end from the loop, Adachi whisks Kurosawa’s tie off and sets it on the table. Then, he turns his attention to the rest of the buttons on Kurosawa’s shirt, easing them open, one by one.
Adachi is so close. I can’t believe how careful he’s being. My heart is beating so fast. I… I… ohno-
Despite recognizing the hairpin trigger warning that Kurosawa is about to sneeze, Adachi hardly has time to prepare. He still jolts with surprise when Kurosawa palms him back, hurriedly burying his nose in his shoulder, the contracting muscles of his stomach peeking out from his half open shirt.
“h’kggxNTsschh’iiuh!”
The stuffy quality to Kurosawa’s sneezing is new. The concerted, unsuccessful effort at suppressing the intensity of them is something else that isn’t lost on Adachi either. That’s always been a running theme in their courtship. Kurosawa trying and failing to be collected.
Adachi scans the room for a nearby box of tissues after Kurosawa sniffles and it’s heavy enough to indicate their necessity. Being out in the rain certainly hasn’t done him any favors. 
“uhKGdt-iieshhHH’euh!” Kurosawa coughs from behind his hand, sniffling profusely. 
“Those don’t sound very good,” comments Adachi. He sets a box of tissues in Kurosawa’s lap. 
“Sorry,” Kurosawa says sheepishly. Their fingertips brush as he grabs the box from Adachi.
What a terrible display. I feel so self conscious. I can’t even look at Adachi right now. I hope he isn’t put off by me.
A swell of vulnerability, as if Kurosawa is preemptively expecting to be hurt, transfers through Adachi’s touch. It feels awful.
“Don’t be,” mindful of how Kurosawa is looking away, Adachi shakes his head. He aims for the gentlest voice he can muster, “Your cold is getting worse.” 
The silence that sits between them is uncomfortable.
He isn’t sure what the best course of action to take is. Stay by Kurosawa’s side? Or give him the privacy to change and clean himself up? When he thinks of what he’d want, there’s no question that he’d prefer to be left alone. There are other ways he can make himself useful.
“Where do you keep your medicine?” he asks. 
“Ah, in the bathroom cabinet.”
“Okay. Give me a second.”
“Okay.”
Adachi makes his way back to the bathroom. He pulls the cabinets open and scans the small shelves in front of him, feeling once more like he’s peeking into Kurosawa’s private life. He finds an already opened, mostly full package of cold medicine and frowns.
How long has Kurosawa been sick then? 
The not so muffled sound of Kurosawa productively blowing his nose reaches him through the open door, a pang rippling through Adachi’s chest in the moment after. There’s something so sad about how hard Kurosawa is trying not to take up space in his own home. 
It was the same way at the office, wasn’t it?
“hh-hhH’Uhktsshiew!”
With a weary glance back at the hall, Adachi splits off a section from the blister pack, curling his hand around its sharp, plastic edges. He returns to Kurosawa, whose wet clothes have been cast unceremoniously to the side.
“Hey,” he says softly, heart fluttering at the way Kurosawa looks up at him from the couch. Seeing him with a flushed face and a sickly pallor in comfortable clothing feels vulnerable. An unfamiliar need takes root in Adachi’s chest. He aches to have Kurosawa in his arms. 
“I brought something for your fever.”
Falling into place beside him, Adachi brushes a hand through Kurosawa’s faintly damp bangs. He leans forward until their foreheads rest together, noting that Kurosawa tenses briefly at the contact before leaning in. 
He can’t explain why he does it, where the sudden burst of bravery comes from, but he nuzzles against Kurosawa before pulling away with a solemn announcement.
“Still warm.” He fiddles with the medicine in his hand. “It’s better not to take this on an empty stomach, do you feel up to eating anything?”
“I think so.”
“Alright, good. I’m not even half the cook you are, but I can make you something simple.”
“Don’t sell yourself short,” Kurosawa murmurs. He lays his arm across the top of the couch and slumps against it. Despite how exhausted he is, warmth for Adachi still shines through his gaze. “Anything you make for me will be good, because you’ll have put your heart into it.”
Amazing. Adachi thinks. Kurosawa really never misses a beat. 
Still, he knows that his intuition in the kitchen is lacking.
“You’ll have to get better soon.” Adachi stammers.
“Hm?”
“You’ll have to get better soon,” repeats Adachi, clearer, “so that you can give me some pointers.”
Kurosawa smiles. 
“Okay then. It’s a deal.”
The moment makes Adachi feel as if he has the permission to be bold. He squeezes Kurosawa’s hand before getting up once more, for the most part feeling exactly what he expects. Exhaustion, affection, and above all, relief.
-
It comes as no surprise to Adachi that Kurosawa’s food pantry is well stocked. He sees that Kurosawa has dashi packets, miso, and dried wakame, and allows himself a small sigh of relief. Miso soup had always been his plan, and he’s glad he doesn’t have to resort to a back up. 
While Adachi is collecting everything he needs, he takes care not to make too much noise. He doesn’t know why it’s so important to him, but he doesn’t want Kurosawa to think he’s making a mess of his kitchen. It matters so much to him that it’s painful to retrieve bowls, chopsticks, even the pot he needs just because of how much sound it creates to do so.
His nerves, it seems, keep resurfacing each time he finds a moment to be alone.
He wants to remind himself that it’s fine, but he can’t even pinpoint the source of his worries. Maybe it’s just the newness of it all. Every touch feels experimental, even Kurosawa overflows with joy at each one. Maybe he’s afraid of how it would feel if Kurosawa were ever to react otherwise. Maybe he’s terrified of his own greed.
“hk’gHTSSchh’ooh!”
He startles when Kurosawa sneezes, slowly breathing out through his mouth. Right. That’s right. He can worry about these things later.
-
“It’s delicious,” Kurosawa praises, absolutely delighted after taking his first sip. His entire face is lit up, absolutely beaming with adoration.
Adachi smiles and nods.
The soup is mediocre. 
Unfamiliar with Kurosawa’s burners, Adachi had let the broth boil. Consequently, the flavor had evaporated as penance. It’s not like he’s messed up something as easy as miso soup, but still he knows he could have done better.
He doesn’t have the heart to tell Kurosawa about his mistakes, so he just offers his thanks. There’s a small part of him that wonders if Kurosawa is just trying to boost his ego, so he sneaks glances in between his own sips.
Kurosawa, despite looking weary and a little tender, happily spoons the soup to his lips. It’s a slow process, but ultimately he seems at ease with each sip
he takes. Faint smiles ghost across his lips every so often, as if Adachi isn’t in the room with him. 
Adachi doesn’t have much to say. He doesn’t want to break Kurosawa from this trance. There’s something mesmerizing about it. He hadn’t realized how rewarding it was, to see someone he loves enjoy a meal he’s made with so much earnesty. No wonder Kurosawa had always wanted to cook for him so badly.
It touches his heart when he gathers their bowls and he notices the flower painted on the porcelain at the bottom of Kurosawa’s, as if it’s telling him job well done. 
-
“It's getting late,” Kurosawa starts, sniffling, “I can lay out the futon for you.” 
“What are you talking about?” protests Adachi, “You’re the sick one here. Don’t worry about me.”
“You’re still a guest in my home.” Kurosawa pushes his hair back, leaning forward to rest against his knees. There’s a bit more color to his face after eating, but that doesn’t mean he looks well. 
“Adachi?” Kurosawa says when Adachi takes too long to respond, a nervous edge in his voice.
Adachi can only blink as he considers what to do next. Truthfully, he wants to spend time looking after Kurosawa. He wants to care for him through the night the same way Kurosawa did for him, but admitting that directly feels too vulnerable somehow, like he’d be pressuring Kurosawa into wanting that too. He’d never even considered that they’d sleep in separate rooms.
He smiles apologetically, not wanting to worry Kurosawa any further.
“You must be getting tired then.” Adachi rounds the table to where Kurosawa is, then extends his hand. “Let’s go to bed.”
“Ah, together? Are you sure?” Kurosawa furrows his brow, following up with a soft, unsure, “You know I have a cold.”
“Yeah,” Adachi nods. “I want to be there if you need anything.”  
Color floods Kurosawa’s face. Adachi is sure it has less to do with the fever, and more with Kurosawa’s own bashfulness. Or maybe it is the fever, blurring the lines of Kurosawa’s emotions, forcing them all to the top.
As Kurosawa reaches for his hand, Adachi tells himself that if he finds that Kurosawa would prefer privacy, that he’ll respect it. He’ll make sure Kurosawa is comfortable and then find the right time to slip out. No hard feelings. 
Kurosawa’s grip, usually cool and dry, is feverishly clammy.
I’m so relieved that Adachi still wants to stay with me. I was so worried he wouldn’t… I just want him to be next to me. I don’t want to sleep alone. Is that childish? Everything feels better when Adachi is there. 
Heart jumping to his throat, Adachi stifles a gasp. Kurosawa’s insecurities are like a vice in his chest, heartbreaking and not meant for him. He squeezes Kurosawa’s hand harder, afraid that if he doesn’t he’ll feel like crying.
-
“Sorry, my room isn’t always this messy,” Kurosawa sniffles, turning away from Adachi to cough. “I’ve been too tired to pick up.
“It’s fine,” Adachi assures him. He waits as Kurosawa gravitates towards the bed, crawling over the impressions left in the sheets to leave room for Adachi to sit down. Adachi shuts off the main light before heading over, leaving them bathed in the soft glow of Kurosawa’s bedside lamp.
“So you’ve been under the weather for a while then?” Adachi pries while Kurosawa settles underneath the covers, half heartedly tugging them up to his chest. 
It’s still storming outside, thunder warbling in the distance while the rain whispers at the window. Kurosawa winces as he turns to face Adachi.
“A few days,” Kurosawa admits softly. Unable to help himself, Adachi leans over to fix the blankets. He pulls them over Kurosawa’s shoulders, tucking the edges in. He leaves his hand on the curve of Kurosawa’s back, absently rubbing it up and down as he frowns.
There was so much work to do with that new client. Maybe I’ve pushed myself too hard.
“I’m sorry,” continues Kurosawa, “I know I should’ve told you. I didn’t want to worry you if it wasn’t serious.”
I hope Adachi isn’t upset with me.
“I want to know these things.” Swinging his legs over, Adachi pulls the other end of the blankets over himself, tentatively shifting until he can feel Kurosawa’s knees brushing against his shins. He’s still half sitting, leaning against the headboard.
This is the first time they’ve shared a bed. The first time their bodies have ever been close in this way. He feels stiff, desiring closeness and unsure how to approach it.
“If you’re tired or not feeling well,” Adachi starts, pulling his hands into his lap. He starts to twist the sheets, nervously weathering the silky fabric between his fingertips. He has that tightness in his chest that he gets when words are about to start falling out of him.
“Then I want to make things easier for you. I know you work really hard, Kurosawa, and it’s rare to see you down, but if you are then I want to be there for you. I don’t like to think of you pushing through things alone because you’re afraid you’re going to worry me. I’m your boyfriend now and I really care about you,” Adachi inhales, glancing over to meet Kurosawa’s wide eyes, “so please tell me these things from now on, okay?” 
In the few seconds of silence that follow, Adachi feels like he’s hyper aware of every muscle in Kurosawa’s face. He’s ready to overanalyze any subtle shifts, ready to collapse at the first indication that he might have overstepped.
“Okay,” Kurosawa finally breathes. “You’re right.” Weakly, he grasps at the folds of Adachi’s sweatshirt, pulling until he can rest his forehead against Adachi’s shoulder. The pounding ache in his temples translates through his touch.
Hesitant and intentional, Adachi pulls that same arm back and away, wincing with guilt when he feels the flash of Kurosawa’s alarm. He moves closer, placing his arm around Kurosawa’s shoulder to draw him towards his chest. It’s an awkward attempt, and the awareness of that has Adachi’s heart beating faster.
Thankfully, Kurosawa adjusts them. He shifts so that his head is tucked underneath Adachi’s chin, throwing one leg over Adachi’s so that it’s easier to turn his body in. It’s not the first time that Kurosawa has slept with someone like this, Adachi is sure, but he can feel Kurosawa’s nerves, his awareness of their bodies and his unsureness of how they’re meant to fit together, just as clear as his own.
He pulls Kurosawa into him, relaxing as Kurosawa snuggles into him. The urge to kiss every part of Kurosawa within his reach shouts inside of him. The crown of his head, the skin near his lips. His uncertainty is louder. He resists. 
“I don’t know why I get so self conscious.” Kurosawa murmurs into Adachi’s chest. Wanting to do something with his hands, Adachi pets Kurosawa’s hair. The movements are gentle and timid, like he’s stroking the wings of a butterfly, perched on his fingertip and liable at any moment to flutter off.
That feels so nice. Adachi is so nervous, I can tell. I love him so much I feel like my heart could burst. 
“It’s okay.” Adachi continues to stroke Kurosawa’s hair. People always pay so much attention to Kurosawa. Any tendency to hide these parts of himself would make sense to Adachi. Kurosawa stands out naturally, but that doesn’t mean the spotlight is always welcome.
Kurosawa nods, and then he pulls the collar of his sweatshirt over his nose and jolts in Adachi’s arms.
“hH’Kshhewh!”
Adachi flinches in surprise, and then he hugs Kurosawa tighter as he starts to cough. He waits for Kurosawa’s embarrassment to ebb away, then frowns when Kurosawa starts to shiver.
“Are you still cold?”
“A little. Pull me closer?” The familiar, teasing edge to Kurosawa’s tone makes Adachi feel more at ease. 
“Closer than you already are?” he smiles. “Come here.”
The moment is so sweet that Adachi almost doesn’t notice the way that Kurosawa’s head spins from such a minimal shift. The heat from his fever burns where his forehead rests against Adachi’s neck.
“Are you tired, Adachi?”
“Not really. Definitely not as tired as you. You should try to get some sleep.”
“Mm. I would’ve liked to entertain you more. It’s not every day we get to spend the night.”
“I can entertain myself.” Adachi says, eyes flicking over. “You left all those copies of Zombie Dead.” He grabs one and starts to flip through the pages. Volume 7. It isn’t his favorite, so he’ll probably swap it out once Kurosawa falls asleep.  “I’ll just read these.”
“Oh, which one is that?” Kurosawa perks up, tilting his head so he can peer over at the cover. “One of my favorite arcs is in the volume after this.” He shimmies deeper into Adachi’s hold, straining so that he can see the panels. 
“We can read it together, if you want?” suggests Adachi, setting the book lower so that it’s in Kurosawa’s line of view. “Until you fall asleep.”
“Yeah, okay. I’d like that.”
It’s easy for them to slip into a cadence as they read, though Adachi suspects Kurosawa isn’t paying as much attention as he is. At first, he slips his finger under the next page once he’s ready to turn it, and Kurosawa gives a short nod as a go ahead. Then those become few and far between, and the quiet commentary Kurosawa’s been offering starts to taper off, his head growing heavier on Adachi’s shoulder. 
“Kurosawa?” Adachi whispers, looking up from an action sequence in the manga panels.
Kurosawa’s eyes are shut, his eyelashes fluttering gently. His breathing is heavy and even, coming in soft wisps through his mouth. Adachi takes a second just to admire how gentle Kurosawa looks in his sleep, how peaceful. He wants to kiss him so badly. 
Okay, he steels himself, just one. Just one won’t hurt. 
Slowly, Adachi lowers his lips to Kurosawa’s forehead and  presses a shy, chaste kiss to his fever warm skin. He tenses, waiting for the whirlwind onslaught of Kurosawa’s affections to let him know that he’s been caught, and it doesn’t come. Kurosawa’s breathing remains steady and undisturbed. Light with relief, Adachi kisses him again, more confident as he leans in, intoxicated by the faint scent of Kurosawa’s shampoo and the feeling of Kurosawa’s skin against his cheek.
The copy of Zombie Dead is still strewn across his chest when Adachi wakes up. He’d meant to set the book back on the nightstand before falling asleep, but it seems he was too lost in the novelty of holding Kurosawa and didn’t get to it. There’s a crick in his neck and a vacancy in his arms. Kurosawa has twisted away from him, curled at the opposite edge of the bed with the covers thrown off. The rain is beating a steady rhythm on the roof, having gone from a roar to a drizzle in the time since he’d nodded off. Adachi blinks slowly, wondering through a drowsy haze just what it was that roused him. Perhaps it’s the unfamiliar mattress, or maybe he’s gotten too hot. 
It’s not a big deal. After he fixes the covers for Kurosawa he can forget all about it. He stifles a yawn into his fist, sets the book aside, and carefully reaches over, aiming not to disturb Kurosawa. 
A choked gasp resonates from the other end of the bed, immediately grabbing Adachi’s attention. Brows knit with concern, he freezes, uncertain, as if what he’s just heard might have been no more than a trick his still half asleep mind is playing on him. As he tries to focus on the silence, he realizes that it’s not just the rain creating the room’s ambient noise. Kurosawa is panting, his breaths coming in short, ragged bursts.
“Kurosawa,” he whispers, one hand hovering just above Kurosawa’s exposed form. Eyes having adjusted to the moonless light, he notices that Kurosawa is shaking, his hands bunched tightly at the corner of his pillow. 
“Kurosawa,” Adachi says with more urgency, gently starting to rub Kurosawa’s back. He’s too warm. His clothes are soaked in sweat. When Adachi’s hand brushes against his neck, the skin there is damp and hot to the touch. Even without his magic, Kurosawa’s fear is palpable. To touch him at all transfers feelings of anxiety and despair so raw and strong that it’s nauseating, clawing at Adachi’s own throat and making his blood feel cold. “Hey,” Adachi murmurs, sitting up now. He starts to shake Kurosawa’s shoulder with a fearful vigor. “Kurosawa, wake up.”
And eventually, Kurosawa does with a sharp, desperate inhale. He starts to pant, chest heaving from the comedown, and then dissolves into a fit of quiet coughs.
“Adachi?” he says in a small, hoarse voice once he’s caught his breath. “You’re still here?”
“What are you saying? Of course I’m still here.” Adachi turns on the lamp, squinting at the abrasiveness of the new light. Kurosawa sniffles, still facing away from him. “Are you alright?”
“Yeah,” Kurosawa’s voice is shivery and thin. He clears his throat and sniffles again. “Just a bad dream, I’m okay.”
“Okay.” Adachi sighs. “I think your fever is up again.” He retrieves the sheet of medicine already on Kurosawa’s nightstand by sliding it into his palm, breaking the room’s silence with the sound of its quick, grating resistance. “You should take something for it.”
“Alright,” Kurosawa agrees, gingerly sitting up. His hair is covering his eyes, but Adachi can make out the thin, hard line of his mouth. Something is wrong, but Adachi doesn’t want to press. He breaks out another small pill, then grabs some water for Kurosawa to wash it down with. When he turns back, Kurosawa is rubbing the cuffs of his sleeves across his cheeks, sniffling quietly. The sound is thick, like his sinuses are swollen. His fingers are trembling, and there are dark, misshapen freckles of moisture at the head of the blankets.
Quickly, Adachi sets everything down and rushes towards Kurosawa. He knows he should be doing something, but again, he’s in new territory. He’s never seen Kurosawa like this. 
“Hey,” he says softly, “What’s wrong?”
Kurosawa shakes his head with a breathy, incredulous laugh. 
“Sorry. It’s silly.” 
“No.” Uncertain of himself, always always so frustratingly uncertain of himself, he circles his arms around Kurosawa’s waist and drops his head onto Kurosawa’s shoulder. “It’s not silly if it upsets you.”
Kurosawa’s lower lip starts to quiver, fresh tears wending down his cheek when he blinks. His eyelashes are dark, clumped together from the moisture. Beautiful.
Why am I still so worked up? I keep remembering how it felt when Adachi looked at me like that and getting so sad. It was just a dream. It’s okay. Stop freaking out. 
The memory of Kurosawa’s nightmare fills Adachi’s thoughts, and with it, a taste of Kurosawa’s unspoken fear and insecurity. Adachi feels his own chest clenching at the false visage of his disappointment. The echo of a door closing and Kurosawa slumped against a wall with his head in his hands. It feels horrible to witness. Wrong to see. The more Kurosawa tries to calm himself down, the more Adachi can feel him spiraling. 
“We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” Kurosawa sniffles and nods, and Adachi balls up the sleeve of his sweatshirt around his fist, gently wiping at Kurosawa’s teary cheeks. The faintest tremor is still present when one of Kurosawa’s hands grasps at Adachi’s forearm. Adachi nuzzles into Kurosawa’s neck, slowly running his thumb over Kurosawa’s knuckles, holding him until his damp, involuntary sniffles start to peter out.
The time that they stay like that feels immeasurable, but it’s tender and important. It’s late and sleep is starting to pull at him again, but Adachi doesn’t mind staying like this. He’ll do anything if it helps Kurosawa. 
He leans over and grabs some tissues for Kurosawa to clean himself up, face falling in sympathy as Kurosawa leans away to blow his nose. He does it with the difficulty of a good cry, filling the room with an ugly, vulnerable sound. When he’s finished, Adachi tugs him back. He brushes his lips against Kurosawa’s forehead, tightening his embrace at the rush of affection that it earns. 
-
The next time Adachi wakes up, there’s an arm slung over his torso and Kurosawa’s face is buried deep in his neck. He’s snoring gently. Adachi can’t help but smile, finding the whole thing endearing. 
Moving as imperceptibly as he possibly can, he reaches for his phone and messages Fujisaki that both he and Kurosawa will be out today, but that the documents for the higher ups should be sitting on Kurosawa’s desk.
After she confirms that she’ll let everyone know, Adachi sets his phone down and starts the careful job of extracting himself from Kurosawa’s hold. There’s mild protest as he removes Kurosawa’s arm, a frustrated, sleepy whimper that Adachi needs time to sit with. He watches with tender curiosity as Kurosawa’s brow furrows in his sleep before his expression fades once more into serenity. It’s too cute. 
Once he’s out of bed, he makes sure that Kurosawa is still adequately covered by the blankets, and then begins to pick up some of the stray things on the floor. He folds Kurosawa’s dirty clothes over his arms, setting them near the hamper in his closet. He straightens out the bookshelves and collects stray scraps of plastic scattered across his desk.
“You don’t have to do that,” comes Kurosawa’s groggy voice as Adachi is stacking empty cups.
“Oh, you’re awake.”
“Mhm.” Kurosawa mumbles, sleepily rubbing his eyes. Adachi walks back to the bedside as Kurosawa starts to sit up. 
“How are you feeling?” He snakes a hand under Kurosawa’s bangs, finding the cool, clammy trace of a fever that’s been sweat out. “You don’t feel as warm.”
“A little sore, but better.” Adachi winces at the way Kurosawa’s voice grates on the way out. “What time is it? Are we-” Kurosawa starts to sit up, eyes widening with confusion when Adachi places a halting hand on his chest.
“I called out for you. Don’t worry. I think you still need another day to rest.”
“Oh…” Kurosawa says, before yawning into his fist. It looks like he can hardly keep his eyes open. “I see.” 
A few moments pass, and Adachi can tell that Kurosawa is already starting to drift off again, right where he sits. 
“You’re not much of a morning person, are you, Kurosawa?” 
Sluggishly, Kurosawa shakes his head. He slumps over onto Adachi, his breathing immediately growing even and slow. 
“Come back to bed,” he whispers, congestion rounding out his already soft consonants. 
And Adachi is more than happy to oblige. He falls back into the mattress with ease, like a space there had always been carved just for him. 
#i have some 🤏 time before work to respond to this at last#THIS IS SOOOOOOOOOO#🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹#how lucky we are to be in a fandom where ihtbs drops a 13k word sickfic I FEEL LIKE I AM FEASTING!!!#kurosawa getting flustered by adachi's offer to carry him 😭#'He doesn’t know how to return Kurosawa’s intensity#only how to collect these moments and mull over them' HAS ME WEEPING#i feel like you do such a good job of capturing like how#adachi grapples with how foreign kurosawa's affections feel to him at first and how unused he is to receiving them#and like how he slowly grows to treasure them !!!#sorry to go off about prose but i love the way you describe the thunderstorm and how it forms and builds...#'constant disturbance of new rainfall' is such a good line#the moment when adachi can feel through kurosawa's thoughts kurosawa's appreciation of his gentleness... 😭#KUROSAWA'S SELF CONSCIOUSNESS WHEN HE SNEEZES WHEN ADACHI IS HELPING HIM CHANGE :(((((#'as if kurosawa is preemptively expecting to be hurt' has me !!!!!!!!!!!! omg my heart hurts for him#also the moment when adachi wonders why kurosawa is suggesting that they'll sleep apart from each other and then the moment where he#realizes it's because kurosawa isn't sure adachi wants to stay with him 😭 his unspoken desire to be with adachi but his simultaneous#worry that adachi won't return that feeling... both of them wanting to be close to each other but being scared the other won't reciprocate#OKAY LAST THING (sorry. i yapped)#i really appreciated the bit of dialogue where adachi tells kurosawa that he wants to know if kurosawa isn't well and that he wants to be#there for him 😭 i feel like both anime adachi and your adachi have like these moments where you can tell he's passionate about something#and believes in it so strongly... and he just says the right thing for the situation. and like you can tell it's something that kurosawa#needs to hear??? like i was always rooting for him in those moments where he like finds a proper way to externalize his feelings when#so much of the show is about him turning things over in his mind. and i am so glad you made him say that in like this moment of intensity 😭#it just hits so nicely
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